IELTS Live - Task 2 Writing - Great Finish - Band 9 Essay

hi students and welcome to today's live ielts class my name is adrian and i'm streaming to you from beautiful victoria here on the west coast of canada i hope everybody is looking forward to a great weekend staying healthy and staying strong in this class we are looking at a task 2 essay for the academic ielts but it's basically the same idea for the general ielts as well and specifically we are looking at a strong finish writing band nine body paragraphs and a conclusion this is a member's chat class everybody is welcome to watch to become a member of our channel simply click the join button next to the subscribe button on our channel page hi abhishek hi pavan good to see you this class is presented to you by ae help dot com for academic ielts success check us out there uh for general ielts visit us at g ieltshelp.com that's general ieltshelp.com where we have uh help for writing editing services we also have lots of videos for speaking uh reading and listening and we will have a listening class in 90 minutes where everybody will be able to join in on the chat while we wait for a few more members this is our academic ielts website here with the blue background you can click that big red button to join our premium package it is a one-time payment for lifetime access so it's well worth it we are an ielts official registration center and certified agents hi june amont rashika jainil nice to see more students coming into the class now this is the general version of our website with the green background again just click that big red button and start your journey to improve your band scores the websites are assisted by apps you can download the app academic ielts help link it to your a help.com account or generalised help and then link it to your glthelp.com account for a really great learning experience and you can also follow us on instagram ielts underscore ae helping gl's help if you have questions you can always send me an email adrian aehelp.com all right everyone so again we've got two classes today this one and one more and then we've got a couple more classes uh tomorrow speaking part two speaking part three live classes are wednesdays two saturdays so you can always check the schedule on our youtube community board and now let's get into our writing uh from yesterday so uh yesterday we had this question ielts task 2 writing you should spend about 40 minutes on this task some people feel that the tradition of family dinner time is disappearing and parents and children rarely sit together to eat meals during the day what is the reason for this change and what may be the consequences give explanations and examples from your own experience okay so here we did paraphrasing we identified the topic the disappearance of family dinner time eventually we were able to construct the thesis statement it is a direct thesis uh in my opinion the main reasons for family dinner time vanishing are busy schedules and missing values and the ramifications are family are weaker family bonds and lower life quality okay and then of course at the end of the class yesterday we constructed the introduction so this is the introduction i came up with some of our members came up with similar introductions or slightly different but all very good uh the thousand-year-old tradition of family dinner time is gradually becoming extinct around the world rather than sitting together for meals parents and children these days often eat either alone or in the company of others at different times and in different places there is a strong impact of families no longer sharing their experiences around the dinner table which warrants further discussion in my opinion the main reasons for family dinner time vanishing are busy schedules and missing values and the ramifications are weaker family bonds and a lower quality of life okay so having this thesis now we know that the correct structure for body paragraph one is to write more information about the reasons that family dinner time is vanishing meaning busy schedules and missing values so body paragraph one will focus on the reasons that family dinner time is disappearing okay all right we've got lots of members in the class now uh hi nbx gaming i'm glad you joined back up and uh os and nick hill so right now we're going to write body paragraph one body paragraph one starts with what's called a topic sentence and uh it's a good idea to remember that the topic sentence is just a standard part of a body paragraph in an essay the reading passages in your ielts exam the body paragraphs also have topic sentences okay so the topic sentence basically tells the reader what is the topic of that body paragraph so it's not the topic of your essay but it's the topic of your body paragraph okay so in this case the topic of our body paragraph is reasons for the disappearance of family dinner time and in this case because we wrote that direct thesis we know that it's busy schedules and missing values and at this point your reader's thinking okay but what is that so what do you mean busy schedules and missing values so what does that actually mean okay so here another way to ask this the simple question is define this for me so define what busy schedules are missing values are that lead to the vanishing of family dinner time okay so hopefully members while i'm saying all of these ideas you're thinking about your topic sentence so start sharing your topic sentences and let's see how you define uh this idea now um you don't have to so here we have two points right so we have busy schedules and uh we have uh missing values you don't necessarily have to include both missing schedules and missing values um in your first sentence you can break it into two parts so your body paragraph can start with busy schedules and then finish with missing values okay all right uh nbx can this be viewed publicly yeah it can mbx so everybody can watch this but only members can chat if that's what you're asking okay all right so in this case um i'm going to start by just defining busy schedules so i'm going to do it a little bit different i'm not going to include both into this topic sentence i'm just going to start with a topic sentence of busy schedules okay so here we go all right um so this is my uh further definition of uh busy schedules children and parents often have responsibilities throughout the day whereby it is whereby it is difficult for them to synchronize their daily activities to allow for a common meal time okay so busy schedules meaning that both parents and children uh have a lot of different tasks that they need to do in the day and it's challenging for them to allocate a specific time where everybody can get together at the same time and have a meal so that's what i mean by busy schedules okay there's many different ways that we can express this but the idea is what's important here all right uh jai neil writes a fixed family dining time is vanishing because people nowadays need more hours of work uh to manage their expenses in fact they have to lose the importance of family dinner in their life okay janil a little bit wordy i think you can make it more concise but you have the right idea hamant writes family dining is fading due to extended work hours of parents and increased academic pressure on children which often fails to synchronize their availability for meals yeah jamaan that's really good yeah that's exactly what we're looking for i'm going to explain that so i've left school and work for my next sentence because that's my explanation right rashika says many people do not have enough time to spend with family members for meals due to their occupation and other essential activities in the modern era again very good rashika so uh notice everyone that these are great topic sentences uh each one a little bit unique but each one essentially expressing the same idea okay carlos says technology hinders good family habits no carlos you have to be really careful because what you're stating there is really general and i'm not sure how uh technology comes into the picture that's not a really a part of this essay i know what you're saying like people using their tablets and phones but i think that's a little bit of a different idea when families actually do sit together but they pay attention to their phones or if they don't sit together with because they're busy with their technology but again that's more of an explanation okay and family habits is general so there are a variety of family habits here we're focusing specifically on family dinner time so you have to be careful not to generalize the topic okay os writes there are objective and subjective reasons leading to family dinner time vanishing due to not having enough time and changing lifestyles and the diversity of people's activities and preferences oh it's that's really general that's more like your introductory paragraph than your body paragraph okay in your body paragraph always you have to become more specific more detailed okay all right june writes with the rapid pace of modern life parents tend to take on more jobs to make ends meet while children also need to take extracurricular classes to excel in academic performances yeah june that's good again that's kind of my explanation in this body paragraph okay so um [Music] now comes the explanation and the explanation so of reading june's uh topic sentence it's a good chance for me to go with the explanation here so i haven't included the concept of work responsibility and school responsibility i've just simply introduced the idea that they have uh responsibilities throughout the day um where it's difficult for them to synchronize their daily activities for common meal times okay so parents are often working long hours 10 or more hours a day and children are often busy with extra curricular activities okay such as sports and music all right so that's my explanation uh so children and parents often have responsibilities throughout the day whereby it is difficult for them to synchronize their daily activities to allow for common meal time parents are often working long hours 10 or more hours a day and children are often busy with extracurricular activities such as sports and music now here depending on my writing fluency and ability i might include an example as well but because i have a second point so uh remember that this body paragraph has two points busy schedules and missing values and in the ielts you have 40 minutes and about 300 320 words you have to be really careful uh not to write too much so maybe instead of writing an example here i'll save the example for the end of my body paragraph and i'm going to start my second point here okay and i'm noticing that some of our members are writing their explanations which is great so i'll take a look at that okay okay mbx i think that's your topic sentence that's good i'm going to read it mbx fix it up a little bit don't write sometimes mbx so use more affirmative language in your essays okay so it is difficult to unite families together for meals uh due to time limitations um because of um many responsibilities throughout the day okay so that's how i would write that mbx a little bit more affirmative a little bit clearer okay abhishek writes uh family meal time is fading because nowadays parents have long working hours uh to sustain a good quality of life so they sacrifice lunch and dinner time with their offspring yeah okay abhishek that's good a little bit of correction yeah so june is writing four examples in the essay will result in too many words exactly so june you have to be a little bit clever in this case and instead of writing an example for each one way that you can create more coherence is to combine the example for both busy schedules and missing values and we're going to do that in a moment okay so that's going to be a nice kind of uh trick to uh decrease our word count but also increase our coherence so here we go let's uh now go to defining the second point of this body paragraph okay all right um so think about how you can define missing values okay all right and there's some nice writing rashika janil um os as well uh again i can't read every single comment otherwise we won't get to the end of this essay but just keep writing i'll get to different people at different times different members at different times okay all right so furthermore all right so i've come up with this sentence i'm not sure if it's my final sentence but i've got my idea down um if i'm stuck in a way to express the idea i don't think about it too too long i just put the idea down i can come back to it later and reword it okay this is an important tip by the way in your writing that is if you're stuck for ideas or if you're stuck not for ideas but if you're stuck for a way to express your idea just write it down any way you can and then later when you're coming back to fix your essay a little bit you can reword it okay it will come to you later alright so right now i just wrote furthermore the importance of family dinner time is not being emphasized by current generations and this leads to ignoring its daily practice okay it reads quite well actually now notice how here i used furthermore instead of in addition this is just kind of a side note okay there is a difference between using the word furthermore versus in addition while you're writing your definitions i'll explain that a little bit more okay so furthermore is used to indicate for a reader that this next point is related and perhaps even more important than the last in addition means here is another related point that is equally important okay so as you get into the um higher skill levels of writing you have to understand the subtle differences between words between words that connect expressions leading expressions that connect ideas and this is an important one because students often will use these leading expressions furthermore and in addition but not really understand the subtle or gentle difference between the two furthermore means the next point is related and perhaps more important than the last in addition means here's another related point that is equally important is that clear members the difference between furthermore and in addition that's a subtle but valuable difference to recognize everybody good good on that okay abhishek says got it all right so use it wisely if your next point in your mind your thinking is even more crucial than your previous point use furthermore if you think it's less crucial or about the same then just use in addition okay all right see nick hill and julia says yes yeah absolutely nick hill so um the emphasis is important uh at the end of the day really good writing it means a mastery of emphasis of ideas okay all right good and i think in this case uh the disappearance of family values is a even more pertinent point than um than busy schedules okay all right uh os right generations today are more open-minded due to changing lifestyles and both parents and kids try other foods in different places unlike prior generations os it's a little bit confusing i get what you're saying but i think that you need a much longer essay um to express that so it's not really the ielts uh where you're doing that harmon writes further with both parents and children spending extra hours in their work and study the importance of family bonding decreases which often leads to misunderstandings and relationship disassociation uh haman i think you're confusing the causes with the consequences so careful with that because come on that's your next body paragraph okay we're still in body paragraph one which is which are the causes okay june writes in addition compared with a few decades ago it seems that family members are overlooking the significance of family get-togethers for dinners which leads to gradual extinction of its daily practice uh yeah june that's good instead of decades ago i would say generations in this case june because generations is more accurate so the current generation's mentality is a little bit different than past generations mentality when it comes to dinner time okay all right so here i should do a little bit of an explanation and again this is why we didn't do uh the example yet is because we've got quite a bit of writing so we've introduced quite a few ideas in the thesis we've got quite a bit of writing here and i do have to explain this so what do i mean by the importance of family dinner time as not being emphasized by current generations okay so these days all right so these days parents do not demand their children to sit at the dining room table and practice eating etiquette as parents did in the past supper being from five to six pm and everyone in the family is expected to attend so that's what we mean by that lack of value okay and again using some of that quantitative language like five to six pm is dinner time everybody needs to be there it creates a visual measurable type of scenario where the reader goes aha okay that's what you mean by missing values is this value of a specified dinner time where everybody is expected to be there paying attention to each other and their dinner is no longer in practice okay so that's what we're going for here all right okay john neil you're jumping ahead um we're writing an explanation there not the example yet but you're just a little bit into the future because that's where we are right now we're going to be writing the example so jaina writes in my family i have a 10 hour office job and my father runs a business on the outskirts of the city so we mostly miss our common dinner time at 9pm okay and i do not know that the importance of taking dinner all together at the dining room table at the same time yeah so johnny you're on the right track and that's what i meant by um putting together uh the example for both points one and two okay in this case so uh giving an example that combines the missing value with the busy schedule and that's how we can avoid writing separate examples throughout the body paragraph and just keeping it at the end okay so the example does have to be a real world example and this is a first person essay um i introduced the first person voice in my introductory paragraph in my opinion as soon as i use the word my or i i make it clear for the reader that this is a first person essay and i'm including examples from my own experiences okay all right uh hemant writes my paternal uncle and aunt are at the office more than 14 hours a day while their kids are busy studying alone at home which leads to missing meals together every day okay hormone too much background without enough focus on the actual example that matters try to be even more direct okay uh os writes my son eats his breakfast at school and his lunch at 12 at school as well even when he gets home in the afternoon he does not like having supper with us therefore he forgets our family values yeah you're not pressuring your son os okay so yeah something like that the more specific you can make it the better okay all right so uh i'm gonna write it as if now we're still living at home okay so yeah so my parents are busy with work in the evenings and they do not expect uh that my siblings and i sit at the dinner table with them as did their grandparents in this way each of my family members eats at different times in the evening okay or throughout the day all right now um i've written quite a long body paragraph here so again uh i need to make sure that i practice at home and i have the writing fluency to write a paragraph like this in the 40 minutes and so that i can complete the entire essay okay all right okay now i'm going to read this paragraph make sure that it makes sense and make any corrections uh with grammar vocabulary content okay and you have to practice this at home make sure to review your paragraphs as soon as you're finished writing them so try not to leave it for the very end of the essay but review each paragraph as you finish writing it it's more more effective so children and parents often have responsibilities throughout the day whereby it is difficult for them to synchronize their activities i don't need to write daily here because i already have day up here so i don't need daily here i can make it more concise and it's a really good idea to practice making your writing concise it means making it as short as possible without losing important information okay this is one way that you'll be able to save time in your official ielts exam so whereby it is difficult for them to synchronize their activities to allow for common meal time parents are often i have the word often here i have the word often here and i have often here as well it's a little bit too much off and off and often so i have to either paraphrase the word often or maybe find a different way to express that idea okay so parents are frequently working long hours um okay so instead of long hours i can just directly uh write are working 10 or more hours a day and 10 should still be written as a word technically speaking in an essay so parents are frequently working 10 or more hours a day and children are busy i don't need the often here anymore so are busy with extracurricular activities such as sports and music furthermore the importance of family dinner time is not being emphasized um i don't need the passive here i can just right not emphasize by current generations and this leads to ignoring its daily practice these days parents do not demand their children to sit at the dining room table and practice eating etiquette as parents did in the past supper being from five to six pm and everyone in the family is expected to attend my parents are busy with work in the evenings and they do not expect okay so again i have expected expect it's a little bit redundant especially at home when you're practicing make sure to take out this kind of redundancy okay if you don't know another word for expect uh what kind of a tool can you use let's see how everybody's still paying attention yeah june says often can be frequently usually from time to time from time to time june is a little bit different than frequently from time to time is kind of more like seldom uh that's on your end i'm not sure what's going on there so you have to yeah nick hill very good abhishek yeah use a thesaurus right and so all i would do is highlight the word expect click on review click on thesaurus and then here it says expect await and visage anticipate um believe presume assume as the verb so it's giving me quite a few choices there i have to pick one that i think will work okay and we can go with anticipate and then learn that word so my parents are busy with work in the evenings and they do not anticipate that my siblings and i sit at the dinner table with them as did their grandparents uh when they were children okay i don't think this idea is finished here and i can join these two ideas here with simply writing so so each uh of my family members i can simplify that so each of us eats at different times throughout the day all right so now it's more concise and now the paragraph reads much much better okay so quite a few corrections to make it more concise uh to um remove word redundancies or word repetitions make the information clearer okay all right so now the paragraph's actually a bit shorter um and uh that's going to work just fine okay so that's the idea uh members is it clear the importance of going through the paragraph after you finished writing it and checking for word repetition grammar mistakes content mistakes especially making that information more concise okay that's really really important do practice this at home it's very important for quality essays both for the ielts exam as well as for school and work okay all right so haman says yes david says yes it's clear all right good all right make sure to practice that okay it's uh instead of writing a lot uh write good quality there's a saying quality over quantity okay quality over quantity right and do a paragraph by paragraph and what i recommend as well this is especially at home i don't think you have enough time in the ielts exam but at home you should go through each paragraph and then you should also go through the entire essay once you're done so check each paragraph as you finish and then check the whole essay at the very very end okay all right so let's get into body paragraph two which are the consequences of not having family dinner time and according to our thesis statement in the introduction the ramifications which means the consequences are weaker family bonds and a lower life quality okay so now we need to write a body paragraph that tells the reader or defines for the reader what we mean by weaker family bonds and lower life quality because of not having family dinner time we need to explain it give an example for that okay so i'm going to write a little bit more smoothly here for body paragraph 2. i challenge you members to do the same so right now just start writing your topic sentences your explanations focus on fluency as well as your ideas and then i'm going to finish this body paragraph and i'll look up at the chat and give feedback to uh some selected uh members as we do this okay yeah abhishek you're asking a good question so abhishek says do we need a connecting sentence uh in this type of question yeah abhishek i think it's a good idea uh again you have to check your time how much time you have so you have to be selective what you have time for if you have time certainly it's a good idea to have a connecting sentence so and it's fairly easy because what you have here is you have causes and consequences so the connection simply focuses on that idea of causes and consequences right so um uh something like this unfortunately these attitudes lead to negative consequences in the end and then my body paragraph 2 with again the topic explanation and example okay all right so gineal writes as a result this leads to a major impact on family bonding and lifestyle so danielle that's your connecting sentence it's good that that works okay all right um so this is how i started my second body paragraph since families are not routinely spending an hour or two each day getting to know each other deeply by having conversations during dinner they are becoming estranged from each other and this leads to fewer happy family moments okay and i need a comma here because uh this part all the way until dinner is my dependent clause okay all right so here's a little bit more explanation family dinner time gives an opportunity for children and parents to express their concerns and share their achievements like promotions at work or great exam results at school okay so basically what it is that we discuss during family dinner time okay so okay so when there's no opportunity to do this neither parents nor children receive positive reinforcement for their efforts and this can lead to a lack of motivation and even depression okay so just kind of going further with this explanation okay you all right so going back to my previous example from body one personally i feel bad that i have a little knowledge of what my parents do at work or my siblings learn at school because we do not practice having meals together okay all right so again connecting those all right and then comes the conclusion in this case i will not add a concluding or connecting sentence to my second body paragraph because my conclusion will flow from this information so i don't really need a connecting concluding sentence because my last paragraph is the conclusion so it's going to be redundant especially when i have this much information in the essay already okay so i'm going to go back and review this since families are not routinely spending an hour to each day getting to know each other deeply by having conversations during dinner they're becoming estranged from each other estranged means that you become strangers with people who you used to know and this leads to fewer happy family moments family dinner time gives an opportunity for children and parents to express their concerns and share their achievements like promotions at work or great exam results at school when there is no opportunity to do this neither parents nor children receive positive reinforcement for their efforts and this can lead to a lack of motivation and even depression personally i feel bad that i have little knowledge of what my parents do at work or my siblings learn at school because we do not have meals together and instead of have because i've used that a few times change it to share again always looking to be concise and to read better so share meals together and then in conclusion okay looking good so far so now i just have my conclusion left let's see what some of our members wrote okay bakarat writes uh when members of the family do not spend a part of the day uh together they are losing happy moments and this leads to difficult situations okay bacharach a little bit confusing you have to reword your sentences and bakra remember that you should not start sentences with the word and okay keep in mind students that you should not start sentences with and or but all right june writes consequently lack of family dinner time would lead to less conversations between family members generational gaps are likely to widen because of misunderstandings between parents and children okay good june you're on the right track you just need an example and then you're pretty close to uh being ready for the conclusion okay os writes there are psychological effects such as depression and stress resulting from not communicating with family members so you have to finish that idea always eating at the dinner table with the family is healthy because um it helps family members to express their concerns maybe oh it's a little bit confusing okay rashika writes it is very important to share triumphs and tribulations during dinner to build strong family bonds when this is not possible members become alienated very good alienated and estranged are synonyms rashika very nice alienated is a very good word in this case it's maybe even more accurate and suffer problems due to fading communication yeah very good rashika nice rashika your vocabulary has really improved over the course of the past few months attending these classes it's fantastic hematt writes this introverted behavior leads to a lack of communication among family members and this results in drifts among families or within families okay good jaineel writes in relation to my previous example i cannot know more about my family members uh and what they are doing and how they are living and i feel less motivated for my career and sometimes depressed as well okay very good janelle i mean it sounds terrible but you've written a good example all right members so the conclusion i'm going to leave it for you to practice at home i will finish this essay and then it will be up on our youtube community board in the next couple of weeks so check back for the complete essay i don't have time for the conclusion in the class anymore so i don't want to rush it this time i emphasize more on the body paragraphs and of course reviewing those body paragraphs so regardless great work focus on being accurate in each part of your essay introduction body one body two don't generalize ideas okay so focus on the specific idea get into details think of quantitative language all right okay everyone that's it for this class again uh practice your conclusions at home if you do not know what to do for the conclusion uh check the writing section of the course at dot com or geology.com you can access the writing section for free and there's detailed explanation for the conclusion there as well to all of our viewers uh for more videos check us out at aehealth.com gl's glthelp.com the websites look like this g als is green click that big red button to join uh the academic one is blue at a help.com click that big red button to join hopefully i will see everyone in half an hour where we will continue with listening practice for parts 3 and parts 4 coming from our materials i'll be back shortly i'm adrian i'm signing out from victoria for now but i will see you very soon bye

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Keywords: IELTS, Task 2, writing, essay, paragraphs, sentences, vocabulary, introduction paragraph, band 9, body paragraphs, conclusion, IELTS description, English examination, writing IELTS, writing for task two, second part of writing, writing strategies, IELTS task 2, Lesson, Teacher, Learn, Student, Lessons, Learning, Free, Intro, Tutorial, IELTS task 2 explain, IELTS task 2 learning, IELTS task 2 explanations, plan, planning, understand, skills, strategies

Id: rGUj-Tmc5aI

Length: 56min 45sec (3405 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 11 2021