I Used Evolution To Create Pure Suffering in Spore

evolving things that just never should exist puts a smile on my face every single time and curiously we can make a creature that's even worse and somehow even better than last time and it's gonna be a carnivore and we're gonna call it stabby as if it isn't obvious enough already and here we go on what's actually going to be the most useful stage of this creature's life mostly because it has eyes and any creature that can see is no creature of mine there it is my beloved spikes am i going to go ahead and call him mate before that thing eats me which is pretty much how it works in the wilderness they're so happy they have no idea what kind of monstrosity they're about to create we're still a little bit limited on what we can work with but i can tell you right now we don't need these and we don't need this what we do need once again are spikes we in fact need a lot of them because today our spiky sausage of adversity is bound for glory the difference is after we shrunk it down today we're gonna make the spikes a little bit bigger just because we can because this thing wasn't dangerous enough before i am gonna make the mouth spikes a little bit smaller that way i can actually you know eat stuff because that's pretty important to survival i don't really know what i just did so we're gonna stick the mouth back on would love to be able to stick a mouth on my creature that's amusing but oh oh i see what i did now that i've got the mouth reattached we're going to make it extra big and then we're going to turn a pink to confuse the hell out of everything else in the ocean it is in fact very sharp you don't want to touch this now we're getting somewhere back to wiggling my way very slowly through the ocean hoping for something to wander straight into my mouth hole i am excited to put these bigger spikes to use i'm extra extra safe our first competitor come here you i need your stuff well there's a feeling i remember well things touch me once and run away forever the only way i'm going to be able to eat any of the creatures if they get mad enough to try and kill me because it's hard to kill a spiky sausage this new and improved melt is working great though see they try and get me they blow themselves up because i'm made of danger it's right there in the name idiot don't touch oh big boy wants some of this too come here i dare you to touch me do it put your eyeballs all over this i'll take each and every one of them out and then eat them yeah keep going genius that's why they called you booster not something cool come on do it again i dare you here you go have some spikes i don't want this part that's not spikes speed what do we need speed for we have spikes really big ones did you not to see what happened to your friend oh let me dive into this mess give me a boost we're just making a mess of every creature in the ocean come on fling me around some more i like stabbing things i'm just a giant ball of misery drifting around the ocean ruining everyone's time i may lack eyes i may lack a brain but i am dangerous almost got the food at least this time i can actually eat it when i get to it i don't push it around for five minutes carefully navigating the process of putting things in my food home which is especially hard when you don't have eyes because i can't really see what's going on anywhere around me unless they're really close but that's kind of the fun by the time they're that close they get impaled and when the current's not going my way it's very hard to catch up to the food just a floating porcupine or maybe a watery tumbleweed of doom i'm not really sure how to classify this thing anymore now i've just got to be lucky enough to find the body parts i want and it's really only a matter of time before i drift into the right creature accidentally murdering it and taking its body parts for my own gain maybe i should try a camouflage color but more things swim into me if they couldn't see me well it didn't give me the parts i wanted but it did give me the food that i needed we got a meteor now to see if we can actually catch up to it and yes i'm not sure if my useless creature can catch up to a floating rock we got it spit poison that's not at all what i wanted you see as much as i'd love to call a mate right now it's really hard to improve on this creature currently i need better parts then again we do need a better paint job struggling to make it to my meat but we'll get there eventually it's only a matter of time pretty soon we'll even be able to see it then again we won't because i don't have eyes and i really need to be able to fit bigger spikes on here and more of them well i'm pretty sure at least these ones can be big these ones are probably going to have to be small so my mouth hole still works but we'll see what that looks like that's a little bit better because if you don't have spikes sticking out of everything ever you're not trying hard enough this one looks kind of like the particles floating in the water we're going to combine that with a nice blue color in the hopes that things are going to swim into us more often because that's how my creature thrives accidental homicide which is in fact the third best kind of homicide still looking for those parts i want i'm not sure i can currently find the creature i'm looking for but we'll just keep talking along eating anything we find along the way it still might take a little while considering i see another creature once every five minutes my struggling friend i'm starting to realize that most of the creatures see me before i see them probably because i don't have eyes but then they skirt away before i ever even see they were there my big problem really is gonna be that once i find the there it is i need to kill one of those in fact i probably need to kill a lot of those though he seems like he wants to die i probably would too if i had to live in the ocean with whatever this thing is come here nosy touch my spikes the problem here is it's about a hundred times faster than i am it's gonna touch me once and bolt but i do have the advantage of having too much time on my hands so we'll get there eventually anything to maximize the suffering of the creatures in this ocean i almost got a little speed boost from that thing oh do we get the part we did get the part that was super lucky i'm not gonna touch the food cause i need that part i don't care how long it takes me to get down there i'm gonna do it and i'm not gonna eat any food along the way there we go omnivore we got more parts down there but i mostly just want to be an omnivore where's my mate things are going to get sucky but strangely not because of my mate this means i can eat green plants or living cells we're obviously going to eat living cells even the sound i make when i put this on is deeply uncomfortable mouth works best on the front of the creation well your guess is as good as mine as to which end that is all right well let's turn it up to maximum sausage and see how many of these things we can slap on here i like how it tells me that almost every time i add a mouth on the front of the creation as if i'm gonna learn now the mouth works best wherever i want it to oh i've actually maxed out my complexity meter so i might have to space these out just to touch more 360 degrees of unholy sucking power i feel like i should have a patent on this thing and the melts turn green too now we just gotta make the suckers extra big and we'll go back to work and obviously eyes are largely redundant when you're made of mouths plus they say your senses are heightened when you have less of them so this thing will be able to taste everything because it's probably got taste and feel there's never knows doesn't have eyes yes 360 degrees of indiscriminate sucking yeah you better be afraid of me you don't want this anywhere near you this thing existing automatically makes the ocean 60 worse this is gonna be fun because no matter what angle i approach from we're gonna get maximum penetration come here let me penetrate there we go look at that face he loved every bit of that and he's out of there oh we're gonna get big penetration come here let me penetrate your eyeballs i will suck them dry yeah put this thing in your mouth i dare you all right well the spikes might have been a little more functional but i'll take penetration over spikes any day maybe i can make these bigger or maybe i need a combination of spikes and penetration i wonder how many more times i can say penetration before i get demonetized hey this guy's got a sucker too and he left again it's not a functional creature it only exists to ruin everyone else's day can i need these oh i can definitely eat that come here nope nothing's smarter it's gonna run away oh maybe those are what we eat with this i don't really know i'm just gonna put my mouth on everything and see what happens the first bit of food i found in like 80 hours i think this might actually be slower than spike and i'm not even sure how that's possible the damn plants are actually outrunning me oh it's drifting backwards there we go this is so much easier but plants don't have feelings so they're not as fun to eat but you know what that's alright everything here is too many jets and jets aren't really good for an animal that just floats in the water very slowly even eating that thing was a giant struggle oh i wanna eat some electricity though never mind oh you're out of electricity now yeah come here i need to penetrate you come here come back why does nothing want to be penetrated by me this thing wants to eat me but it's going to get away with it i stand by my choice to subsist on only penetration oh good another one of these unfortunately i'm a little defenseless at this point considering i can't move that does of course confirm for me that i've made a creature less useful than the last one i just heard this guy use his electricity so that means some free penetration without the shock this time oh and that guy won some of them too hey that's my kill let me penetrate first and you can eat them ah got him i didn't like electrocution but i'm having too much fun with sucky here oh i got big just as i eat the little guy does that still count oh i can't do anything to his corpse this handsome guy on the other hand he's almost as slow as i am that poor creature oh there's a whole bunch going on here and i don't get any part of any of that i just float around doing nothing because i don't have fins why does nothing want to come near me it's not that bad maybe this guy does want some penetration yeah bring it in and i'm the one without a brain you've made a wise choice my friend i don't care if i have to get shocked i'm still gonna penetrate you i am proud to say evolution is taking a huge step backwards today well is it time for a new paint job already does this count as a mate nope you're not good enough get out of here stupid you're blocking my mating we definitely can't add any more parts on so we'll just give it a more exciting color with a racing stripe that way we at least feel a little bit faster yup look at it go moving so fast i can hardly keep up with it i can't even keep up with the plants that are slowly floating around by the time i even get there squiggly is gonna have eaten all of my food that's not fair to me oh he's gonna get stuck between two penetrators didn't like that one did he yeah that's right stab me i dare you no creature ever has a valid reason to be murdered by this i literally can't see it can't move all i can do is suck oh that's a danger bug right spikes are still my enemy and my friend now they learn squiggly doesn't want any party sake to be fair at this point nothing wants any part of saki if it wasn't for these little pieces of seaweed this creature probably would have gone extinct already because it's so damn slow would anything like to volunteer to have its inside sucked out because i'm kind of getting desperate here we may have a volunteer ladies and gentlemen it's not a very smart creature but it is delicious that's gotta be the biggest shame in life knowing you were killed by this thing that's got a lot of melts but i've got a lot of suckers do it again genius see what happens ramming speed never mind there's no way i'm catching that thing even these big guys of the giant mouse can't get past my penetration they didn't want to come back for round two for some reason there's a little one however thinks it's gonna be brave uh it gets to die and feed me i have the curious advantage of things killing themselves to feed me we're almost there i just need a few more volunteers this one looks stupid enough to try and bite me come here you can do it there we go straight into the eyeball even this guy i'm so much bigger than him now and he still dives right on in they just can't get enough of this thing which is weird because most rational creatures wouldn't want to touch this thing they would take one look at this curious creature and get far far away it's even sparkling gold as if they say i'm not dangerous come here and have a look i think we've got our final victim and it's another one that's sacrificing himself uh i meant to get the other thing but that's fine accidental murder is the best murder and all we have to do is take a bite of that one that's awesome we didn't even have to finish it off we just sucked out like half of its inside parts i can't wait to give this perpetual being of suffering legs oh hold on well while we're at it is celebratory murder let's walk so we went from functioning bitey tadpole to spiky thing the bigger spiky thing the sucky thing to pink sucky thing wait why can i suddenly make these bigger did i have that option all along did i forget to make them bigger i don't think that it would have mattered but that's kind of amusing all by itself it actually makes me a little bit uncomfortable to look at so i feel like i've accomplished something here today i apologize in advance for whatever this is i honestly don't really even know which end is the front you think one leg is enough i think one leg is enough considering this thing exists basically just on other things running into it blindly yep something like this would absolutely thrive on its own in the wilderness this is why evolution has left the evolution and not people like me

Channel: DangerouslyFunny

Views: 1,138,409

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Id: kHDzqXd54PU

Length: 12min 24sec (744 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 12 2020