Parents disowned me because I've ruined my sister's wedding

my sister was set to marry a guy who was a complete doubter bag he seemed like a nice catch to any outsider he was tall handsome very confident a doctor basically the sort of guy any woman would swoon over unfortunately he was a sociopathic unrepentant narcissist devoid of any empathy who would take out his anger on anybody he felt beneath him and seemed to enjoy doing it you know how basically they say don't look at how your partner treats you look at how he treats others and saps how he'll eventually treat you my sister didn't pick up on that I picked up on it early this guy was really mean would be rate and insult people for the smallest thing and would lose his cool with anybody who looked at him the wrong way he started doing it to me and I told my sister early on this guy's an a she was like now you two will eventually get along you just got off on the wrong start I told him I've seen him do that to other people that she seemed to think oh but he's nice to me I'm the special one maybe I can change him or I have no idea what she was thinking after about two years together when they were engaged the cracks were evident my parents loved him his dad and my dad go way back they both went to the same medical school together and have been close friends for decades her fiance is also good friends with my two older brothers after two years my sister was realizing this guy was an ER he's always been an ER and he won't change there was a rarely painfully obvious example one day when we were having dinner and my sister's fiance and my dad were having a discussion about something political my sister tried to offer her opinion into the discussion and they both snickered then this guy just started berating her and ripping into her in front of everyone making her feel is small I could sense her pain she was just quiet and just sat there taking it I was thinking what are you doing with this guy he has no respect for you he no love for you another time our family was at least in a function where a lot of big people were around my sister's fiance completely left my sister alone at the table with me and was sitting at this other table with two women very obviously flirting with them semi drunk he just left her all alone at the table I asked her what was wrong why was he ignoring her she told me they had had an argument earlier and this was his way of punishing her you see what I mean when I say this guy is a complete sociopath my sister and I are really close and even though I'm younger by far little brothers aren't devoid of wisdom and I've been urging her from day one to break up with this guy before she gets in too deep well now that she'd spent two years with him and was engaged she was obviously in too deep and she used to tell me about all the outbursts hijos how he treats her with no respect we often had long discussions just me and her where she'd spill open like a can of beans and just divulge all the nonsense that he's put her through recently sometimes she'd cry and I'd be there to help her out but she still seemed to want to stick with him she actually convinced herself that he loved her behind all that horrible treatment and couldn't pull herself to cancel the engagement what with our parents his parents everyone counting on it she knew they'd all say she's crazy turning down this smart handsome doctor who does she think she is I kept urging her to break up but she stuck with the he'll change or he loves me deep down excuses it all came to her heads when one day she very publicly exploded at him we were having a huge dinner both sides of our families and I was sitting next to him he kept being me the entire night move your elbows over couldn't you wear something a bit more presentable stop sticking your hand out like that it's rude don't you think you've had enough of that if I asked him to pass a bowl or the sauce or something he'd hand it over but then pull away and be like say please say thank you he was smiling the entire time laughs my two older brothers were also snickering they didn't seem to mind this guy was publicly be me and having fun with it he and my dad started having one of their conversations again and my dad started airing out all his general frustrations and disappointments regarding me and they started both talking about my life openly in front of me her fiance then turned to me and started openly lecturing me and when I tried to ignore him Hey are you listening to me what's the matter with you your dad never taught you any respect my sister just then basically exploded she was sitting at the other side of the table guessing she didn't want to be near him but she was watching what was going on the entire time she just stood up and completely exploded it was horribly frightening and scary she started shouting at him leave him alone he hasn't done anything to you why are you picking on him just leave him alone et Cie etc I'd never seen her shout like that or explode like that in my entire life it was absolutely terrifying we were all stunned silent she had tears in her eyes and ran upstairs crying I wanted to go upstairs to speak with her and comfort her my dad was like where are you going I told him I just wanted to see how C's was doing and check up on her he was just like no you stay here you stay seated so he made me stay seated until the end of the dinner for hours my sister was up there I didn't even know how she was my dad or mom didn't care my two older brothers didn't care I had to wait house till everyone left before I could slip up and go talk to her she was an absolute mess crying mascara running all down her face like Darth Maul I told her she has to end this she's going to jeopardize her entire life if she continues with this guy she has to do the painful thing now and rip off the band-aid I told her you might think it's okay if he just does this to you because you can take it but do you really want to bear his kids what if you have his kids and then he starts treating them the same way she finally agreed with me and said she would end their relationship and breakup it was the only option I just asked one thing that she doesn't tell anyone that I convinced her to do it because they'll already seem to have it in for me enough already well the one thing I asked her to do she couldn't hold up her end she still somehow let everyone know that I was the one who so graciously helped her make the right decision of course this immediately made everyone hate me aside from my dad occasionally going off at me and shouting it was mostly just the silent treatment and people giving me glares which was easy enough for me to bear my sister moved all her stuff over the next few days out of her fiancees place back into her own apartment which apparently she's gonna live in indefinitely now her old room in our house has been converted into a billiard pool table room anyway my dad and brothers were making my life hell for me they blamed me for everything my mum was occasionally nice to me that she's nice to everyone I could feel her disappoint with me ran very deep she didn't offer any words of comfort or advice even though she knew my dad and brothers hated me right now my brother's basically flat out refused to talk to me aside from a few sentence words here and there they didn't want to engage with me on any level even when I try to start conversations with them my dad I just tried to avoid so he doesn't have an angry outburst it all erupted eventually into a huge fight between me and him he was just shouting at me on and on and on telling me I was a pathetic loser disgusting my brother's told me how much they hated me my dad kept saying it's not enough that you ruined your own life and turn yourself into a failure now you have to drag your sister down too and ruin her life why do you hate everyone and try to ruin our family no matter how much I tried to explain how this guy wasn't a good guy they seemed to think it was just a personal vendetta I had against him my brother told me that I didn't deserve to have my sister as my sister I told him to go Duck himself my dad was like what did you say I told him he could go Duck himself as well admittedly I lost my cool after hours of all of them attacking me and I shouldn't have said that my dad absolutely lost it with me and told me to get out of his house he never wanted to see me ever again I tried to apologize he basically just told me to get out even though I was on the verge of tears I left the house and they locked the door behind me I called my sister she came and picked me up and drove me to her place where I explained to her everything that had happened she told me she'd call him the next morning and talk to dad once he'd cooled down and then he'd be happy to take me back I was still kind of teary and she comforted me and told me I shouldn't hate myself or take too seriously what my dad says and I had been the only one brave enough to convince her to do the right thing her place isn't big but she let me stay there her double bed is just wide enough for two people but it was cozy so we slept well and fine in the next morning she called up my parents home she wanted to try to talk to them reasonably and see if she could make Amin's and get them to accept me back she told me to wait in the bedroom while she had a really long conversation with my parents over the phone it went well over an hour and there was a lot of shouting she told me she was stunned and she had spoken to both our parents and our brothers too she said she couldn't believe it and was appalled at what jerks they were being they said they were serious about not letting me back into their home no matter how much she pleaded with them and had said she had to go pick up my stuff from my parents house my sister drove over there and picked up whatever stuff would fit in the car I didn't have that much aside from my laptop books and clothes and brought it back she herself seemed horrified at the way they were acting and seemed to be barely able to believe it she tried calling them again later and the next day again even though they had calmed down there was still adamant that I couldn't return no matter how much she tried to reason and plead with them she eventually got pretty angry with him too they were seriously trying to cut me out of their life my sister told me as a result she was going to cut the rest of our family out of her life I told her she doesn't have to do that she told me she does have to and she wants to she said she was permanently cutting awful relations and contact with our father mother and both brothers until they apologized for the way they treated me and accepted me back into family I told her she doesn't have to do that she insisted it's the least she could do instead of making me feel good it just made me feel worse and more guilty like I was responsible for the permanent fracturing of our family so now my sister has completely cut herself off from the rest of the immediate family and cut them completely out of her life she told me I'm welcome to stay with her and live here indefinitely as long as I want even though I barely have any money and I'm a full-time student so there's not many ways I can compensate aside from doing chores she said now that's actually seriously completely cutting her family off she'd like to have the one remaining family member close by so here I'm now I honestly feel responsible for this whole mess of a situation I think it's good that I helped my sister get out of that horrible relationship with that awful guy but now look at the fallout I'm cut off from the rest of the family they hate me and don't want anything to do with me and I'm not welcome back there my sister has done the same to them cutting them all off she said even for the rest of her life if need be it all feels so horrible and terrible I didn't want it to end up like this our family permanently fractured apart and everyone hating each other I just want to make peace for the family and for everyone to love each other again and get back and forgive each other I really wish there was something I could do reconciliate them but it seems so unlikely especially since nobody seems to want to and I'm at the center of it all any ideas for what I can do to help heal this huge rift and reconciliate my family or should I just leave things the way they are and get on with my life for better or for worse nothing I can do to help mend the situation this is an ongoing mess that continues to haunt me my 22 female sister Hannah 25 female is newly engaged to her boyfriend of many years been 25 male Ben and Hannah are highschool sweethearts he's the only boyfriend she's ever had so she tends to take his word as the gospel truth but I've always been suspicious of Ben as I tend to be of all people to be fair and I have very different worldviews I've had quite a few boyfriends and one girlfriend I believe is s freedom and exploring yourself and your s can I only knows been anyway we had a small gathering of family round at my sister's house for a BB q in the garden during the BB q Ben got down on one knee and proposed at first I was super excited for them but then I saw the ring and I've seen this ring before call it divine intervention but I'd seen this ring a few months back on Etsy Hannah had hinted that her and Ben were discussing tying the knot and we discussed rings at length I went online to search for the type of rings she said she was interested in and happened across a very unique and pretty ring on Etsy but it had a fake middle stone I pointy lab-created garland said between two tiny opal coloured stones the band was really dainty but kind of intertwined around in a teeny rope so as soon as I saw the ring I recognized it the going rule for engagement things as everyone knows is that they are supposed to last forever and be at least three to four months pay then works a good-paying job but brings in slightly less than Hannah for months wages for him would be at least 8 to 10 K at an estimate I know for a fact this particular ring is four hundred and fifty dollars I wanted until the proposal was over and asked Ben and Hannah for a quiet word but this has the opposite effect as I was overhead by another family so I decided to just come out with it I told Hannah that I had seen her in online and that it wasn't a real demand or even expensive I accused Ben of trying to cheap out on one of the most important gifts of her entire life and this was a huge mistake Hannah burst into tears and informed me that she had given Ben a maximum budget of $400 and that she didn't want a real diamond I was completely shocked that she would request this and was pretty certain she was just covering for Ben but she doubled down and said that she has so far lost every single piece of jewelry she's bought and that she wanted to buy something that won't be a devastating loss if she loses it she also claimed that they both wanted a long and expensive honeymoon instead of a big wedding by this point Hannah was crying loudly and I decided I best leave I thought I was doing my sister a sisterly duty by pointing out the fake ring and my entire family have in turn called marina that I honestly think I was just trying to help her am I the a so some backstory I was in a three-year serious relationship with a man let's call him Tony oh he was always very kind to me made appointed of covering every meal and most of our ends and we were both completing our undergrad degrees archaeology for me software engineering for him the one thing we could never agree on is how frequently we would be intimate he claimed that in previous relationships it wasn't uncommon for him and his girlfriend at the time in the case of more than one relationship to go at it twice a day every day also I think he was either exaggerating or his exes must have been using some serious industrial Lube since I can maybe manage twice a week due to soreness after a couple weeks of him making a bigger point than usual of this that is we'd only been intimate ones every ten days for a couple months he ended the relationship he covered the rent for two months while I found a new place to live paid to have my stuff shipped out and never contacted me again I was heartbroken as a truly thought we'd get married one day fast forward three years and my little sister announces she's engaged not only that but she's one month pregnant and is expediting the wedding so the child is born in wedlock apparently her fiance is kind to her is covering all the wedding expenses and is even paying for her master's degree program and all expenses so she can be a stay-at-home mom as long as she wants I've been invited to her wedding but was worried when she told me it might be hard for me her soon-to-be husband is Tony Oh naturally I'm depressed and angry and every possible emotion all at once apparently they got together officially about three months after Tony Oh left me I don't buy it I remember that my sister was the one person whom I confided into that Tonio and I were arguing due to mismatched libidos based on various little stories about their four States it sounds like they became a number just around the time Tonio ended the relationship I brought this up with my sister and after some nasty exchanges of words I basically call her a w word gets a free ride through life and gets to be a stay-at-home soccer mom all because she tactically and frequently spreads her legs for the man while my sister shouts back you had a good man but you're not woman enough to keep him our parents and cousins are trying to get us to patch things up but I'm furious at her Antonio I might forgive my sister in a decade or so but I never want to have to see her husband ever again she's getting a free ride through life by stealing my man as far as I'm concerned am i da [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 110,416

Keywords: reddit girl, reddit wedding, reddit sister, reddit parents, reddit parents disowned, parents disowned, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit girl, askreddit wedding, askreddit sister, askreddit parents, askreddit parents disowned, askreddit, r/, r/ girl, r/ wedding, r/ sister, r/ parents, r/entitled parents, r/ parents disowned

Id: Gp2uQjTAIk0

Length: 19min 0sec (1140 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 01 2020