Cousin thinks I want to steal her husband

[Music] in my culture where arranged marriages are common arranged in the sense that parents arrange the first date with someone i was at a wedding when some guy random apparently took a shine to me we'd spoken briefly when i was introduced by a cousin but thought nothing of it a few days later my dad basically said that random had proposed marriage to me via parents and asked if i was interested in marrying him i shot it down flat which my dad didn't seem surprised by he just thought it was his duty to pass on the message just in case i did hit it off with random at the wedding dad passed my rejection along and had a good laugh about it because who the hell does that in a western country in this day and age just approach the girl a few days later random called home because some well-meaning relative had given him our number and spoke to my dad and told him if it was a dowry issue they were willing to negotiate my dad being the awesome dad he is basically said that he wasn't going to pay anyone to marry me since anyone would be lucky to have me and that i wasn't interested then my grandma got on the phone and gave the dude a tongue lashing for approaching my dad directly instead of going through his elders anyway a week later i found out later that after i'd rejected him he'd done to my cousin's family and tried the same thing the only difference is that she accepted because she has no self-esteem apparently my grandma called my uncle up and asked him what the hell he was doing but my uncle said that my cousin was running out of options at this age and wasn't as fair or educated so had less prospects my grandma then tried to talk my cousin out of it but she was adamant about going through with it since she'd also clearly internalized that crap her father's been spouting we were still invited to the engagement ceremony and wedding but ever since then my cousin keeps acting like i'm trying to steal him this wasn't helped that when we went to throw rice on the couple after the marriage ceremony he jokingly said something about how it was sad it didn't work out between us and my cousin's face just fell so my sister and i just wish them the best and scrambled off the podium thing so i've been avoiding him as much as i can at family events my other cousins know that he keeps coming up to talk to me and they believe me when i say that i'm not the least bit interested in him often they'll join the conversation if i make eye contact he's never inappropriate like sexual or anything just really friendly and always wants to know how i'm going and comes out his way to say hello my other cousin spouses i'm friendly enough with but it's more a wave across the whole type greeting and then a conversation only if we bump into each other at the family event they tend upwards of 50 plus people my cousin though keeps spreading [ __ ] about how i'm to snobby that i shouldn't be so picky when it comes to husbands that i think i am too good for everyone and that i've always been interested in random but was playing hard to get to reduce the dowry my grandma flat out told her that nobody butter was interested in random least of all me and all her grandchildren were too good for the likes of random whether they knew it or not she apparently wasn't too happy about that and accused my grandma of playing favorites with grandchildren but my grandma basically said that my dad slash mum slash sister and i looked after her without putting her in a home so when cousin was ready to do that for her they'd talk about favorites since the wedding about seven months ago my dad introduced me to a really nice guy with my permission and we hit it off and we'll be getting engaged in two months when our horoscopes align my parents still believe in that stuff and we've sent out the invitations for that including my cousin it's actually convenient because apparently a horoscopes aren't aligned right for marriage for another two years which suits me just fine i honestly don't know if that's my dad grandma just skewing religion to be more modern or if that's the truth but i'll take it last week though at a family function i was dressed up a bit because my soon-to-be fiancee and i were going to a party after anyway random came up and told us i looked nice but then congratulated us on our upcoming engagement i didn't brush him off because my fiance was right there so i figured it was innocent enough he then asked me how my job etc was going we are both in it so i just complained about work stuff in my fiance doctor and i were just trading funny patient slash client stories with him i looked around cousin was staring at us quite agitated so i basically grabbed a hold of my fiance and we went around to say hi to everyone else later that evening the ladies were sitting in a separate room because we were starting to organize a puberty ceremony for one of my second cousins random came up in conversation because my aunt wanted him to transport some really heavy lamps because he has a big car cousin was reluctant to let him lift heavy things so i volunteered my fiance instead because he was free that day and i'd help him lift my cousin didn't take kindly to that and then ask me why i couldn't just send my fiance instead of taking the job away from random i put my hands up said that was fine we could arrange things that way she then flipped out saying that i was always trying to bring random down that i was always leading him on and confusing him and she pointed out how i was dressed i just rolled my eyes and said that i was going to a party after my sister by then was thoroughly pissed off and said that if i wanted random i would have married him since i was his first choice and that it's not my fault random was too friendly towards me my other cousins agreed with my sister and one of them said the way cousin was fixated on this was toxic and exhausting to listen to and that i was soon to be happily engaged to a doctor why would i want random my grandma just told cousin to get a grip and stop bringing this up the problem was with random not the womenfolk and my mum and her sisters my aunts agreed with me cousin's mum was hesitant but asked me not to speak so often with random i told her that i never approached him he approached me and my cousins piped him with how they already intervened if they saw i also mentioned that i only spoke to him today because my fiance was right there my aunt didn't look happy but didn't want to make a scene i guess cousin was told to talk to her husband and tell him to behave and then things went back to planning the ceremony i feel really sorry for my cousin she's obviously very insecure in my family whilst i'm glad they have my back aren't being very kind about how they shut her down my cousin has always felt like the black sheep in the family she's a bit overweight not as educated and also not as pale skinned i'm dark by western standards but pale in comparison to my family i understand that it can be a very toxic environment my mum is quite dark but my dad who is pale thinks she's the best thing since sliced bread despite having an arranged marriage but my dad is also the type to look after his mother-in-law my grandma like his own mother my cousin's parents marriage is not that happy and it's clearly reflected in that my culture is changing generation upon generation but i guess it hasn't helped her at all because of her parents i don't want to go no contact with my family because they are awesome in cousin before this whole mess used to be really good with me too i don't want random to be such a point of contention between us and i don't want her to feel alienated but i also don't like being spoken about this way even if no one takes her seriously i think maybe that because no one takes her seriously it's worse for her my dad died three years ago and left me quite a substantial estate i worked with him all my life at the businesses and i run them now six months ago a girl came to me and told me that she's my half-sister my father was with a girl when he was married to my mother who became pregnant and they had the baby and another couple adopted the child that's why my mother left him i knew about her existence but didn't know her name or anything about her until she showed up we did dna tests to make sure she is who she says she is and yeah she is i didn't feel much about the whole thing i mean she was a stranger to me she told me that she wants to get to know her biological family and that's the only chance she has at having a family since her adoptive family never bonded well with her so i gave her the chance we spent some time together i introduced her to other people in the family and until now i thought things are well last week she came to me and asked about our father's death after a little conversation she asked me what i'd think about giving her her fair share of the inheritance since she was her daughter she told me that she knows that i was at our father's side when he built everything and it's unfair to ask for half of everything but maybe a quarter or a fifth is a reasonable share i told her that her fair share is zero i reminded her that i still stand by my original offer to help her with education or her career if that's what she needs but i'm not going to give her handouts this is what i had originally told her right after the dna test she became angry told me house that fair that she's the one who was abandoned and i was the one who had everything in my life and even now i get everything and she gets nothing she left she is quite close to my grandparents losing my father was difficult for them and having her around has probably helped them move on so i wasn't surprised when my grandfather called me and told me that i'm not being fair here that she's my sister and i should come to some agreement with her about this i told him what i told her about helping her education and career he eventually told me that he's very disappointed in me he's never said that to me before honestly it hurt since i always respected my grandfather and now that he told me this i'm beginning to doubt whether i'm doing the right thing here my father knew of my sister's existence and if he wanted to leave her anything in his will he could have but he didn't he left small things for other people i don't know i've only known her for six months and it seems unreasonable to me that i should give her a portion of the inheritance so i thought i consult others and see what you guys think of the whole situation so my parents bought a house that is way out of their budget it costs twice as much as they can afford i strongly recommended them not to buy it and to wait they hope to get money from my late grandpa's inheritance but that didn't work out as planned but they already signed the contract and made a deposit they have to pay the remaining money until next month or else they will lose the house and the deposit now on to my problem they know i have quite an amount of savings most of it came from my grandma as a graduation gift he specifically wants me to buy a car from it i have been actively looking for a used car that is good enough since she gave me the money i plan to buy it this month because my post grad program starts next month and i would like to use it to drive to university in my workplace i'm currently using public transportation and it's a pain in the ass in my area lol my parents went to the bank and asked for a loan but the amount they will be getting won't be enough to fully pay off the house so now they want my savings and btw also my brother's savings for the remaining amount when i initially heard that they don't have enough money for the house i offered them help but now i regret it because now they fully rely on my money instead of looking for alternatives like selling their other property or possessions and i really need and want a car i don't know what to do should i do as i promised and give them my money i won't get it back at least the next couple of years maybe never since now they see it as a family investment i feel like an [ __ ] if i don't do it they are my parents and i want to help them but i also have a bad conscience towards my grandma she wanted to give me a special present and i think she would not want me to spend it on something else should i tell her she will definitely ask me about the money if i don't buy a car soon so read it what is the right thing to do in this situation edit thank you also so much for your advice i couldn't answer everyone because i'm at work and have to be sneaky with my phone lol but i read all of your comments and took them to heart you helped me realize that not wanting to give them the money is not selfish but a valid thing to want i have to think about what is best for me too sometimes i will call my parents and tell them that i really need the car and maybe help them find a different solution edit too oh my god i didn't expect so many comments thank you all so much i'm sorry that i can't answer you all individually i'm a little overwhelmed by the amount so the dreaded phone call happened after i returned home from work i didn't know if i should make a new post or update here but since the story is not over yet i will do it here so during the phone call i got some new information they have time to pay the money until the middle of december i don't know if they initially told me a different date equals any xt month to make it more urgent so that i will feel more pressure or if the date simply changed some people had problems understanding the circumstances of the whole house purchase i'm also confused but maybe i didn't explain it right english isn't my first language so a guy called the investor sold them the house i guess he's also the guy who built it and owned it my parents gave him one third of the price in advance of safety or something and until a certain date they have to pay the rest of the price there was no bank involved so far so during the phone call i heard for the first time that not only my parents will take a loan from the bank but also my brother these loans are not specifically given for the house in my country you can get a certain loan according to your salary so my parents will get 20k and my brother also 20k i was a little shocked that my brother would do this since he wanted to buy his own house for him and his family soon i guess these plans are off the table for now so i was on the phone with my mother and told here that i found a car that i would like to purchase that was kind of a lie i just saw some interesting offers and that i need my money for that right now i also explained how important it was for me and so on she paused for a moment and asked how much the car costs i told her the exact amount my grandma gave me then my mother said i should buy the car she apologized for asking for the money and told me she understood that it would be the right thing to do for me to buy it she said i shouldn't worry about the house they will find a way to pay it and here was the moment i made a huge mistake i currently work two jobs one of them is a summer job for only one month but my boss asked me if i could work for another month i plan to say no to the offer because then i would work until university starts again and i would have liked to have some time to relax and prepare instead the thing is my brother told my mother about my boss's offer right before my phone call they talked on the phone before i spoke to my mother so like the idiot that time i offered her to say yes to my boss and give her my earnings from this month and the next one that would be 3k she was satisfied with this solution but i regretted it instantly i hate this stupid job and to do it for another whole month would be torture i tried to backpaddle immediately and said that there has to be a better solution i reminded them of their other property and suggested that they should at least borrow the missing amount from my uncle who wants to buy the property it could be like a down payment until they find an acceptable price for both parties or give it back eventually my uncle's finances are way better than mine and i know he's a good guy and would help them out my mother agreed to discuss this option with my father we will see how that will turn out but at least i could save the money my grandma gave me i just find it sad that my brother will have debt because of my parents he really should think about himself his wife and kid first but he gets very angry whenever i try to give him financial advice so i guess i have to accept that it's his problem now [Music] foreign

Channel: Ask Girl

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit sister, reddit sil, reddit, r/askreddit, r/ girl, r/ sister, r/ sil, r/, askreddit girl, askreddit sister, askreddit sil, askreddit

Id: RL2J9ggAJcw

Length: 17min 46sec (1066 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 19 2020