I am Addicted to Buying Shoes | Spendaholics | Only Human

Adaline Garmin is 30 years old and lives near Brighton despite earning 30,000 pounds a year as an IT marketing manager Adeline has managed to amass a debt of seventeen thousand pounds why my dad because I like buying nice things [Music] Adelines big love affair is with shoes and she's always looking to find a pair that she doesn't already own then I thought they'd like them airline Beth left his fame she loves shoes new chocolates clothes skirts Adelines fine collection of credit cards have taken a battering but she'd rather pretend her debts don't exist any other loans these credit card is kind of an extension of an overdraft and if it wasn't for the two men in her life she'd be in even more trouble Marx bailed me out and my dad's bailed me out in the past it's time to call in the professionals lifestyle expert Jay hunt will try to tame Adaline serial spending every time you're in a shop you see a pair of shoes you have to mark them out of 10 of how much you really want them while psychological coach Benjamin Fry searches for the emotional roots of Adelines addiction I think that there's a theme here of wanting to please I just don't want to find myself in this downward spiral you know it's just embarrassing it's stupid I'm a grown woman and I really really want to change [Music] desperate to change Adaline Garmin has just five weeks to crack her spending addiction and start living within her means experts Jay hunt and Benjamin fry have persuaded Adeline to leave her home for the morning so they can hunt for clues which might explain why Adeline is in so much debt while Jay will search for hard evidence benjamin is on the lookout for signs which might explain the psychological triggers behind Adeline spending okay this is interesting it's like a bowl of lots of dollars dollars euros what's that one Thailand maybe there we go is that her in the photo great that's right it's not a saying travels probably a hobby the experts from my house and having a bit of a snoop around to find out some more about me which is some little whirring some quite private person good that's weird what do you eat with credit cards how could all this god there's quite a lot it's weird though it's just sitting in the chopsticks in the cutlery drawer as well unless is something that she discovered as a strange eating mechanism from one of her foreign trips no I think I think she's trying not to spend too much but it's quite interesting there in this drawer by the back door because if you're on your way out and you suddenly think oh I'm trying but I think I might need them you can always knit back and it's not just the credit cards that are bulging Wow look I'm bit of a foodie I love shopping for food I often take advantage of offers in the supermarket which a real value for money any three four - three four - three four - is that a good thing or is she being a sucker well it can be a good thing but it also can encourage over buying I mean she buys in doubles not two Salmons two cannellonis there's some interesting magnets it's better to have loved and lost than to live with the psycho the rest of your life look at that it's obviously the shoe of her dreams it's either something she's a spying - or she's stuck it there as a clue for her husband as a birthday Christmas Valentine's anytime you fancy but these are 335 pounds issues so is this like the shoe of Champions that's a cool designer shoe I tell you what there's a shoe like that on the fridge it's gonna be more in this house oh I don't think the experts will miss my shoes there's about 60 pairs at home all piled up in bed and I normally buy about five pairs month shoes are my passion that is where all the money's going it's no really okay so talk me through the shoes I mean it's interesting you know that she's got a picture on the fridge of a pair of shoes for 300 pounds $69.99 there's quite a lot of cheaper shoes but you know it's the quantity versus quality isn't it so if she traded in this wall of shoes she could get some decent quality gear hmm I'm always interested by the bedside books I suspect this is her side of the bed zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance on the great classics of the self-help genre I'm interested in how this demonstrates her commitment to some kind of inner journey do me a label check next gap petite that's the size of the label so Jay that's what I want oh it's interesting because she's got a whole load of credit card statements so let's take this thank you okay bank statements in hand the full extent of Adaline spending is about to be realized thirty-year-old Adeline has 17,000 pounds of debt since she was old enough to get credit Madeline has been in and out of financial trouble yet she's far from hopeless with money I do my husband's books and I look after that the household accounts and that's fine it's perfectly balanced but my own I'm just useless with Adeline has been married to mark for three years he also works in IT but earns four times as much as Adeline based at home he works long hours which gives Adeline the perfect excuse to indulge her other passion when I see a really nice pair of shoes it's almost like a rush it means I'm really passionate about the moment aren't they that kind of Sarah Jessica Parker I just like the new things I like having new things like packaging I like the smells the sounds and textures it's just exciting they're five aren't they they're totally impractical they wouldn't go with anything but they just gorgeous her face lights up blood rushes to her cheeks right I try the other ones on she's been so excited that she stood there clapping and shoe shopping is just the tip of the iceberg I think most of Adeline set has been on luxury bsp being able to say I went away to Paris with a friend we also went to Ibiza twice we went skiing in France I went to Japan and to California in the past 12 months Adeline has notched up 11 trips abroad if you can go abroad and half years now that's that that's almost Navarre no really isn't it hi babe I bought some more shoes he's a fab they're lovely baseball you know where we don't have to buy humming you out husband mark has learned to live with Adelines desire to spend but the fact is Adaline shopping binges are beginning to fill her with dread and loathing it can be very easy to wake up in the morning with sort of a sensation in the bottom of your stomach I owe money I owe money and I just don't want that sensation anymore [Music] having scrutinized her statement Jay and Benjamin have established Adelines two key areas of overspending it's time to meet the experts and face her addiction [Music] hello nice to meet you I'm Jay welcome home now why do you been out from the bit of a sort of D I were in your Hall so will you come with us just hold it honestly you don't need to worry I promise it's all right it's no surprise that the experts have chosen to shock Adeline with shoes maximum impact all right right okay now open your eyes see this is your idea of heaven isn't it a key I think I needs a treasure what I want to highlight to you was how much money you spent the last year on your shoe habit have you got any idea how much that was they are lovely they are lovely things however two thousand five hundred and twenty pounds last year was spent on shoes I think though you don't really care at the moment do you because it's at your eyes and completely with the money forget the shoes I so want these ones they're lovely I've seen these nice shot so many times and truth is this a good indication of what happens when you're anywhere near shoes that the fact that they're lovely you love them you longed to touch them you just want them your face it's like a child on Christmas Day depth reality overdrafts everything is blanked out okay now we're getting the picture let's see what you've just been delivered Benjamin and Jay have arranged another wake-up call for the globe-trotting Adeline wonder why it is that all these suitcases have your name from the luggage tag I wonder what do you think this is besides going away with her husband Adeline takes numerous weekend city breaks with her girlfriends well you actually went on 11 trips in the last 12 months Adeline these suitcases do represent your expenditure on trips abroad in the last year as you guessed and this is three thousand nine hundred and fifty pounds now put it another way that is three months of your salary let's take onboard that you have got these debts and let's think of it you know more cleverly about how you're spending your money and we're on things that really really matter to you so maybe cutting down rather than cutting out can we go a bit more Bogner than frogs you can probably just get down there for like one of those that probably last you for a weekend yes Adeline now knows she needs to cut back on her spending to discover what she can or can't live without she'll need to strip back her outgoings to the absolute bare minimum Benjamin and Jay are about to impose a seven-day spell of cold turkey ad line what we want to talk to you about is setting you a budget for the next seven days which is a process that we call the cold turkey I just want to talk to you about how much you think you spend in an average week with the money what we're talking about is non-essential spending so it's the stuff that you exercise choice over in your daily life I suspect it's about 250 pounds right so you think that's an average week okay because we've been through your statements and actually what you get through in an average week is 435 pounds in 20 P that is what you get through is that sort of odd for you seeing that amount of money in cash I think that is a bit scary especially because I always pay by credit card or debit card what we'd like you to do for your cold turkey is to come up with a minimum minimum budget for you to spend on non-essential items okay how much did you say was here 435 pounds 20 P okay I think about 170 including groceries I think survey says you've really got to come down to two squeezed budget oh I don't think I could manage on anything less than 90 pounds this is really important so I really want you to think carefully about getting this down to the absolute bare minimum so give me another bid 30 to 40 pounds so what do you think Jay thirty to forty pounds of water shall we settle on 35 yeah 35 pounds and we're gonna throw in the 20 P so this is your cold turkey budget which is what you've got for the next seven days for all your non-essential items do you think it's going to be very difficult to do this I don't really like to fail at things so if I'm upset a challenge and I feel this is a challenge I'm hoping I can succeed well the real challenge actually is not so much can you succeed or not on the budget although that is very important but what you'll find from doing that that you'll take forward so finding out what you really need and what you really don't and how you really feel I ain't really relate to money what's going on emotionally when you spend money okay and it is only seven days they've sent me a really tough budget haven't got a clue how I'm going to manage with it 35 pounds 20 is a choke it's God it's less than ten percent of what I spend at the moment I'm horrified to be honest [Music] day one and the cold turkey budget is already beginning to influence Adelines routine I'm buttering some bread for sandwiches and taking a sandwich was with me today rather than spend two or three pounds with the sandwich man which is what you usually do I think I'll probably save about 10 to 12 pounds a week making my own sandwiches so I'm gonna try and stick with it it's been a pain getting up 10 minutes early but I think once you get into the routine of something get used to it's not so difficult but all new routines have their flaws downside of making your own sounds above discovered is that sometimes you finish them before lunchtime it's not to pick up my dry cleaning I picked up before I knew about Coulter please I don't prove it the shock I think about how much it'll cost no it's fine yeah I'm a bit worried now that I might have to make sacrifices throughout the rest of the week I think I just spent 20 25 percent of my weekly budget on dry cleaning not sure but I'm enjoying myself doing this challenge it's as difficult as I thought it would be we'll see how it goes towards the end of the week at the moment I've only spent 1175 so I might be able to treat myself soon day four and Adeline has managed to persuade her friends to change their plans we had planned to go out to dinner tonight but instead of spending lots of money on that I've actually invited all my friends around and you're working on the decorating together and I was cooking them some dinner it's fun to have some friends to do it with we're having quite laughs the decorating might be a laugh but Adelines friends agreed that her spending is anything but I think she that she does need to learn the value of money and I think that she would be do better in life if she did but yeah yeah I really wonder you know definitely not I think on a normal night with dinner and a taxi and some food so probably would have spent about sixty or seventy pounds between me and my husband dinner [Music] and what do you guys want strange tonight I'm feeding six people for about 15 pounds if I've got takeaway and I probably would have spent 50 there's some quiche it's probably cost me 15 pounds in groceries but that hasn't come out my cold-turkey money it's stuff I already had in the freezer so free night [Music] psychological coach Benjamin fry is on his way to visit Adeline to discuss the possible motives for her wayward spending over the years Adeline has moved house 17 times her nomadic life began as a child Adelines father and IT consultant was forced to relocate on several occasions it had an unsettling effect on Adeline and her younger sister Nina I think you obviously moved around quite a bit yeah quite a significant age when I was I think a we moved from Scotland to Germany and that was a huge transition for me I used to live next door to my best friend so you know just uprated moved to a foreign country I didn't know anybody I went to a new school and I felt really like an outsider and that was that was very difficult for me so you're better isolated really yep I think especially when we first moved to Germany as well dad was away a lot when my sister were hippies live hard yeah and so that was really difficult time for me I felt really comfortable I felt really confident and then whoosh I was dragged into totally different environment and my confidence just plummeted really hmm I think that the other thing we should talk about is the relationship with your father and maybe the relationship with your husband do you get on well with your dad when I got to about 12 or 13 it became very difficult he didn't really understand me my dad's quite a non emotive person in fact that's probably really good comparison with my husband my dad's not doesn't understand emotions at all my husband doesn't either has to be in black or white so I'd imagine you're spending which I see very much as emotional behavior of the kind of incomprehensive both of them I think to my dad it's quite incomprehensible I mean dads bailed me out a number of times yeah and he's been really disappointed in me my dad instilled in me that you know to be successful you have to work for a blue chip company and you'll get all these opportunities and doors open for you and that this is kind of a picture of success and I feel that I can't attain that success which is disappointing I feel really ashamed and I want my dad to approve of me and approve of the things that I've done and the choices that I've made and he doesn't approve of me I'm just wondering about now with your husband do you ever feel that you've hold back from saying something about money because you don't him to know about him yeah I mean there's been a couple of instances where I've bought things but he has quite a blasé attitude so do you feel in a way like maybe you're letting the side down or something yeah absolutely because I don't have anywhere near his earning power and I never never could have how does that feel can I say she feels dreadful yeah tell me more about that dreadful feeling I can't make an equal contribution whatever I do I'll always be playing catch-up I really bothers you then oh yeah because there may be a part of you that in a sense well though this sounds a logical might almost resent him for any more money than you yeah I do I resent that he has a substantially better career or career options than me do you think that he Minds that you earn less money than that no he doesn't mean we've talked about it to some extent and he said to me well I dinner if you want to quit work tomorrow and stay at home I really don't mind but to you you actually feel upset by that don't you yeah absolutely really that hurts you yeah now that pain is what we have to try and do something about and with I'm sure that that dynamic comes from the relationship with your father and the set up there I think that there's a theme here of wanting to please and I suspect that there's echoes of that in your relationship with your husband [Music] day seven the final day of cold turkey and Adeline has come to London for a night on the town spirits are high and so are the bar prices tonight I'm on my friend elaina's hen night it were having a really good time so far today I think I spent 17 pounds that's on two drinks cold turkeys maybe a bit more made me nay just a bit more where my money goes the last place I was at they added an optional tip automatically onto the bill I was so fed up with that I actually argued the case and got a pound back this cold turkey thing is a nightmare despite a valiant attempt at going cold turkey Adaline goes over budget by ten pounds sixty-five with the challenge over it's time to set add alone a more realistic long-term budget [Music] to clear her debts Adaline needs to knuckle down and start saving to show her how lifestyle expert Jay hunt has come up with a plan what we've got here is your new budget okay there are going to be areas where it's going to hit you hard going down the list I mean there's some things that are really easy to go like car cleaning at the moment you've been spending 30 pounds a month it's recommended that you actually go back it is soapy water yourself and do it your grocery bill of five hundred pounds a month is lip seen well it's recommended that that goes down to 250 so I think maybe one of the areas we should look at is how you shop without you sort of starving now I think you're going to have to get a bit creative with your shoes and clothes budget because that is going from 250 pounds a month that you currently spend down to 50 pounds so I know that's going to be really hard isn't it that will be hard that will be very hard now holidays is an area that's come up at the moment you're averaging 300 pounds a month on your trips we're recommending a hundred pounds a month which might mean that we actually look at sort of how you spend your time as well as where you spend your time maybe near a home where there aren't so many temptations I mean you know it's quite clear that savings need to be made here because when we look down the existing budget the figure at the bottom is two thousand four hundred and fifty-one you know making the cuts wherever you can make them gets you to a new budget spend of one thousand three hundred and five between those two figures it's a difference of one thousand one hundred and forty six almost a new car every year I mean the thing about your new budget is it isn't gonna be easy every day of the week so I know you've got that sort of whole stack of cards in the cutlery drawer ready in case you need to leave the house with them I've actually decided to cut them all up Oh have you well that's quite a big move yeah so seriously getting on with a new budget no credit cards for a bit yep Adelines love of heels is out of control if she's going to manage on her 50 pounds allowance for both shoes and clothing she will need a will of iron keen to learn more about her passion Jay has asked Adeline to reveal her collection and it's an impressive sight Wow this is the shoe collection Wow when you see them sort of all out like this what do you think when you look at them I feel quite pleased these ones are still got the price on no I haven't worn them yet but they were farken and did you get them because you liked them all because he thought they were a bargain and I really like them I just haven't had the opportunity to wear them yet and how long have you had them three or four months right these are very clean here as well they look like they haven't been what's about them very much they haven't really been worn at all not at all and how long have you had this perfect out four years four years and you haven't worn them you don't need any more shoes you don't need that pair of bargain shoes if I took that away it's not like oh gosh there's a real missing element there and the ship they are really nice aren't they but how much is unusual a nice going to be important when you're trying to pay back this debt and you want to start feeling that you haven't got this debt round your neck all the time I see what you mean what we should be doing is thinking about ways of prioritizing purchases rather than just thinking there's a pair of shoes I'll buy them because they're shoes I can't promise anything sometimes you just see them and you have to have them [Music] J wants to teach how to learn how to stick tight to her new shoe allowance first Adlai must decide between buying in bulk on the high street or buying fewer more pricey pairs from designers J is taking Adeline into a top right and boutique to prove that it can be as simple as one two three I just want you to stop for a minute okay because this is gonna be a new way of shopping with you for shoes what we're gonna do is start marking them out of ten okay so every time you're in a shop you see a pair of shoes you have to mark them out of ten of how much you really want them and then at the end of the day you can go back and buy the pair that you want the most okay looking at these what immediately catches your eye well they're already very so there's quite a few pairs that I like and I quite like one of these but again there's nice ones here and they're really unusual aren't they no how many marks out of turn would you give that I probably give that about a seven or an eight they've got a nice big heel and they look fairly glam what about these yeah those ones I really like they're fantastic they're probably a nine Jena shoes this is your ultimate fantasy isn't it it is I do like Gina very much and this is what's been on the fridge in two years ten out of ten they're really cool just now that's 325 pounds yes or one pair of shoes if you want this type of shoe you're gonna have to really pair down and you're also might want to be thinking about buying a more expensive purse of shoes that are gonna do more jobs than these are because these are only really glittery evening.a that is probably something you're gonna get a bit more wear out of yeah I guess I mean I could almost wear those to work as well how many marks out of turn four those they're not quite as glamorous as the other ones but I think they're probably an 8 or a 9 have you ever tried on a pair of jeans shoes no I haven't [Music] this whole Jena thing has been such a fantasy for you hasn't it yeah look at those twinkle toes yeah they're nice yes they're really nice uh-huh so now you've got them on your feet marks out of 10 I still really like them and I still give them an 8 or 9 but in terms of price I think I'd have to give their own one or two do you think that you could target right back on all your 60 pound pairs is it worth it for these that's a difficult one I'm not sure the key to this whole thing is choice you're in control of your own money so if you can do this sort of marks out of 10 and prioritize where you want to spend your money there's no reason at all why you can't have a couple of pairs of these along with other things what you can't do is buy a pair of these and all the other purchases J has provoked a surprising response from Adeline with a monthly shoe and clothing budget of just 50 pounds Adeline realizes it will take seven long months of saving to afford her favorite heels it's a big wake-up call for Adeline J definitely first the Jena bubble I thought that well I can't describe the emotions that I had when I first saw those shoes in the magazine I opened the magazine and I was having hot flashes but then trying them on I didn't get that burst of excitement I anticipated I thought I'd try them on and feel like I was flying I thought I'd feel like I was Dorothy with her magic red shoes and that just didn't happen and I got home and looked at a couple of pairs of shoes and I thought well actually I like these just as much and they were a fraction of the price but I realized very much that I focus on quantity over quality I still like to think that I'm getting good quality but I don't want to spend 300 pounds on a pair of shoes with a Deline shoe fetish momentarily under control J turns her attention to food each week Adeline buys enough food to feed a family of four setting her back over a hundred pounds the money she saves on special offers may be practical until most of it ends up in the bin or rotting on the compost heap [Applause] [Music] J has arranged to me to add a line at the local supermarket to curb her wasteful ways [Music] Jays first tip is simple plan ahead write a list and stick to it as obvious as it sounds one fifth of us don't bother you might it's not treat yourselves because you're actually going to be buying this thing so let's do sort of the quality over the quantity and get really nice treat things yeah that one's got 30 please saving on excellent what we're getting you out for habit is going for the savings when you didn't need it in the first place yeah [Music] this is your toy - potato no wonder the bloody compost heaps the size of a house [Music] the ice creams down here loads of it well I would normally get that but that's ER by two four five pounds it is a bad idea if things are going to sit in your fridge and go off and you're over buying but you know ice creams going to sit in the freezer so I would definitely do that one okay yep yep I think we're done here okay add lines weekly food shot normally comes in at around 120 pounds it's a bit less than usual hot line I think that's really good we've written a list and it's coming at under 30 quid that is good going I guess I'm starting to realize that saving money or not overspending is about being organized so it's getting up early and it's making your own lunch it's planning the week before what meals are going to have for the next week all things are really simple and you know I have the skills to do I just haven't been bothered to do so there's gonna be some changes with Jay making progress on cutting Adeline spending psychological coach Benjamin fry wants to get to the root of Adelines addiction [Music] Adelines parents divorced five years ago her father doesn't want to talk about the past so Benjamin visits Adelines mother Lynn do you think that you're quite different in general would you say she has a lot of me in her but um she's a lot like a father yeah yes she's go get her she anything a man can do she feels that she can do better I'm frequently dance so when did that start she's always been very competitive did the only husband boys it would have been nice to have a boy but I never set my heart on having a boy I think my husband probably would have liked a boy I think Adeline more than fulfilled his know she's even though she's a girl so doing she took on that role of being like the boy of the family quite possibly so pleased her dad or just because that was nice oh she always wanted to please her dad yeah daddy's girl definitely is the emotional person not very know he can't show emotion but he's learned to keep it bottled up he doesn't show a lot of emotion so how did I don't get any praise out of her father she'd have to ask him for it right you know I've done this you know how do you feel about that it's all yes yes I think you've done well rather than praise her openly he would oh I think she's earned this I'm she'd asked for something and he'd say yes I'm right for you and go out and buy it for her and I think he felt that when he gave her money he that was his way of showing that he loved her so do you think he she learned to communicate with him through money rather through feelings I think I think she told he was wonderful you know she'd say can I have money for something her oh all right he's saying give her the money because he felt that's how he how to show love and he'd give the money she really equated money with I think she probably did yes so she probably wasn't asking for money he's asking for love add lines father used to buy her stuff instead of giving her praise or recognition that he could have done verbally so I'm not really surprised that Adeline now in her adult life uses money as a way to communicate her own emotional needs Adelines childhood emotional traits appear to have spilled over into her relationship with husband Mark like Adelines father Mark is also an IT consultant as a freelancer he is as addicted to work as Adeline is to shopping taking my work is very demanding and absorbs you know hundred percent of my time and yeah so I think although Adeline accepts that that's the case and she knows that that has the type of person I am I think it can be very frustrating for her Adelines been on retail therapy for two weeks and the reality of her emotional needs is beginning to hit home she's finding it difficult to stay out of the shops and it's not long before she's in need of a pick-me-up I was in town and I accidentally bought pair of shoes there were 25 pounds map of my budget doesn't leave me very much and it doesn't stop there to be honest I was a bit bored I was in town after a meeting and it was one of those things I saw and I loved at the moment I saw it and I feel like that that's almost kind of an omen that you have to buy some things and here's a pair of trousers as well I think these are about 45 pounds I'm not sure how I'm going to explain this one I had a bit of a bad day at work and I went to town at lunchtime and picked up at the top which was quite expensive but I really liked it I've kind of decided that I'll pay for this out of next week's budget if Adeline is going to reap the long-term benefits of June Benjamin advice she's going to have to try much harder so far she's been given the shock treatment battled against her addiction to shoes and quit the false economy of over buying on the psychological front Adeline has started to face the emotional issues behind her spending with debt still at 17,000 pounds Jay wants to tackle Adelines biggest annual expenditure holidays abroad I've learned one of the reasons I wanted you to come and have tea with me here is because it's a very traditional English tea shop and I think part of it is maybe that meet up in the fact that things English can be enjoyed as well because I know the four thousand pounds it was last year that was spent on all your weekend trips abroad it's imperative to be in a different country in order to feel that you can relax at the weekend not really but I think I've never really considered going away in the UK we've always done something abroad because it sort of takes you away from the routine of being you know I could go and visit a friend in Buckingham say but we'd still be sort of in her routine yeah yeah know that so it's getting out of the routine yeah rather than having to be abroad that's what's important and who do you go on these weekends with mainly and mostly with my girlfriends and we've done the usual things shopping clubbing debarring that kind of thing because that is the other thing isn't it is it I think they're sort of hidden costs it's really easy to get sucked in you know when you're on the internet and you see the banner ads and it's like 60 quid weekend in Europe and you think nippy what a bargain but it's all those extra things that you don't necessarily add up shops that you might see shoes that need investigating those things get forgotten about now what I found for you to have a look at is something a bit closer to home I mean I know that your budget for going away and weekend's has been stripped right back but you could still afford to do something like this they is a hotel where you could actually go and relax you could go with your girlfriends it'll take you out of your normal environment and it's a treat because it's got all the spa for so that is there okay Tunbridge Wells is only about 30 miles away and it's not that far that sounds interesting so that is for you Adelines wasted no time at all in taking Jai's advice but shopping at the hop Hill gypsy bed with her best friend Siobhan then off on a retail free weekend of budget bliss with no step-offs allowed [Music] new adventures holiday again got here that settles into the room for an hour or so 1/4 and it feels great [Music] Adaline has escaped her routine even better she hasn't given a thought to shopping so relaxing [Music] I was a bit skeptical about relaxing in England because of the weather but this weekend's been absolutely fabulous it's been a lot less stressful than going away to Europe no planes to catch no delays no other passengers no lost luggage what we've done here we've just totally chilled down it's great I feel really relaxed and ready for the week ahead and it's actually a lot cheaper than I had expected it to be we can even afford to splash out on champagne and I haven't been tempted by the shops in Tunbridge Wells it's been fantastic I feel so decadent [Music] psychological coach Benjamin Fry wonders if a lack of emotional communication in Adelines marriage could be fueling her need to spend he meets mark to gain a new perspective on their relationship lovesick marriages there's a kind of team yeah it's a collaboration and from your perspective you're very comfortable with your role in that you've happy to provide financially and you don't really mind what she contributes to that yeah that the finance doesn't is an issue though they must be though something that you do expect from them there must be a part of your kind of life together that you feel she contributes to I'm wondering what that is I guess I'm a bit of a romantic idealist I just want someone to be happy with and share my life with yeah I think so it's emotional comfort in a sense emotional presence mm-hmm adilyn makes a huge amount of contribution to a relationship of course he does which is quite dynamic and proactive she looks after my finance is far better than I kid why do you think she's so organized and successful with your joint finances but not with her own she wants to she was me to perceive her as a success yeah and she does these things you know to to show that she's capable of doing it and I think that's more of a conscious and logical decision yeah whereas you know in the past spending has been very emotive and it's it's not been controlled necessarily by her full conscious thought because it's interesting because it shows that she's perfectly capable of coping with money and that when it's in a non emotional space it's fine so therefore what she's doing with money that's destructive must be an emotional indication and it's gotta mean something yeah it isn't about logic I wanted to just kind of say I suppose that I think without lying what's going on with the spending is it's her way of communicating with what she perceives as an unemotional male world do you think there's any truth in that Adaline calls me an emotional because um she doesn't believe on to a motive but I think most men struggle to identify emotionally with the needs of of women so do you think she's aware of how you perceive her is being successful and helpful to you in that respect yeah I would hope she understands that and I think she's missing that she's sort of missing what she brings to creating a happy life I think mark has a very rational worldview and isn't particularly comfortable with some of the more emotional behavior that he sees as being very feminine it could be there for the Adelines behavior with money it's really about her trying to find a way to communicate her feelings with men and it's probably started with her father and now continues with mark but there's no outlet for her emotionally she's not being listened to Mark is who he is and Adeline needs to accept that and she needs to learn to communicate and to speak and to say what she needs to be heard even if no one's listening [Music] are you ready okay to help open up the lines of communication Benjamin sets Adaline and mark an unconventional challenge on the rock face there are no winners each person relies entirely on the other for their safety the only option is to work together as a team and the vital ingredient is trust yeah sometimes it's bit intimidating because he is so successful at things everything he turns town to eat eat my I was an actor I put down that's quite excited about the thought of him falling down yeah she got a wish I fell off halfway up you can do babe [Music] I'll go out to the yellow one with your left foot it did feel like teamwork I felt really safe use your feet just step up with your feet try the next brave one up babe because I knew that he had my best interests at heart and you know he kept pulling it really tight when they were slack I felt really confident yeah scared it was a it's quite a good team-building thing you have to really trust there the other person first moment when you let go at the top of the wall it's a moment of trepidation you know even if the break had broken I think you would have run along with his arms back to catch when you say it was a really good exercise in teamwork and Trust I think I guess in an environment like this no one is the winner so you know it's just an enjoyable pastime and I guess it builds a tress and deepens our relationship [Music] it's been five days since Adeline and Mark went rock climbing thank you the hard work they put in appears to be paying off and together they find the courage to open up I think you make quite good partnership see I think you oughta count down to earth and the kind of organizing way but you're down to earth and the emotional rational way aren't you and then on emotional rational way how do you think we were class again I think I'm less emotive than you are yeah and I'm sure you get frustrated at times because I don't show my emotions as much as I do like you're right I don't wanna Joyce for that proud of you but Dean works for everything for you know organizing our life I think you've got a lot of Drive and it is difficult to decide that actually there are things about you that you don't like and you want to make a change and and you've gone beyond that and you've actually made the change you know I think you've done you know really really well to to manage to do that I know I feel a bit more comfortable I mean I was a bit anxious that I couldn't talk to you about things that are important to me because you didn't understand or you were an emotive and before I was dealing with feeling miserable but one of the ways I was dealing with it was by going shopping actually I just had to recognize the signs of what causes me to be miserable and deal with it being sensible about spending or being sensible and about not spending has made me feel happier as well because I constantly felt guilty about spending money on myself you know because I couldn't make such a big contribution and then I was spending money on myself and made me feel bad I suppose I feel more serene and more content overall that there has been a significant change in her level of happiness she'll you know to say why she's unhappy and we'll talk about it she is able to overcome that fear and you know that hesitancy to you know be completely honest about things I do feel far more that our relationship is to people working together as part of a team rather than to individuals with their own separate goals and aspirations I think we both bring individual qualities to the relationship and together we are a really successful team it's it's a really nice positive feeling I'm not putting myself under pressure anymore to try and achieve the impossible to try and achieve this huge income that matches marks [Music] five weeks ago 30 year-old marketing manager Adeline Garmin had a shoe habit to rival Imelda Marcos at 17,000 pounds her debt was sky-high lifestyle expert Jay Hunt has provided practical tips to maintain control in the shops while psychological coach Benjamin Frye has helped Adeline work on her relationship with Mark now on the road to saving for the first time in her life Adeline is putting into practice what she's learned a valet used to cost Adeline 230 pounds a month so I'm not cleaning the car I wasn't looking forward to it but now I'm out it's not actually too bad the weather's nice I'm burning some calories my car looks pretty good as well thinking about it I think the valley was quite expensive I'm not saying I'll never use the valley again but maybe it's a special treat for me and my car before she began her retail therapy Adeline was spending 120 pounds a week on groceries now she spends half that amount Jay would be really pleased with me Wow look I mean she buys in doubles not two Salmons two cannellonis that's the contents of my fridge I've got dinner for tomorrow dinner for Sunday dessert for tonight dessert for Sunday couple of things in the freezer and that's really it it definitely was out of control with groceries but I kind of I justified it to myself by saying well it's food you know it's not like I'm being really frivolous than spending money on clothes for myself but when I think about how much money I was spending I just wasn't being very organized in my approach to shopping [Music] [Applause] [Music] Adaline has come to the end of her financial makeover J and Benjamin have come to Brighton to catch up for the last time and Adelines chosen the venue how do you feel now when you come in here do you feel different yeah a little bit different I don't feel such a compulsion to show up I mean there are a few things I've just seen these in the window I love these shoes the old me would have just walked in and bought them without second thoughts but now I'm sort of a bit concerned about the price I mean two weeks budget yeah although I probably give them a nine out of ten I'm not buy them does the marking system help you and the marking system does help I think what helps more is the tip that you gave me about not buying something straight away I believe in your soul the other day yeah or leaving it until a week later well that's really interesting because it does seem to me to show that maybe the the emotional component and the compulsive component of shoe shopping for you is kind of diminished and you're left with the reality that shoes are just shoes I think you've hit the nail on the head Benjamin I realized that shoes are just shoes and although I've seen a lot of nice shoes I'm not you know I don't feel but I have to buy every pair that I see well the ultimate test though will be leaving your favorite shop without a bag in your hand and you can test you out though yeah good luck I think in five weeks she's come a huge where I mean when I think of her at the beginning and the look on her face shaky I think I'm these are changing to suddenly come from that to being somebody who can kind of take it or leave it when in a shoe shop that's really proof of the pudding now that Adeline has engaged with her emotional issues and has really plumbed the depths of them and taking practical steps to reinforce those lessons I'm not surprised that those underlying pressures spend money have been alleviated I'm really surprised at what I've achieved in the last five weeks I really thought it was an impossible task but here I am my finances are in order and paying off the credit cards it's it's fantastic it's kind of a whole area and I've sorted out I don't have to worry about any more click on screen for more videos of extraordinary humans you

Channel: Only Human

Views: 127,460

Rating: 4.7994905 out of 5

Keywords: spendaholics documentary, spendaholics youtube, only human channel, only human, only human documentary, shopaholics, shopaholics anonymous, shopaholics bbc, shopaholics documentary, shopaholics full episode, shopaholics uk, shopping addiction debt, shopping addiction documentary, shopping addiction full episodes, shopping addiction help, shopping addiction recovery, shopping addiction true life, spendaholics, spendaholics full episodes, spendaholics tv show, spendaholics uk

Id: JMLaCz7xaPU

Length: 56min 18sec (3378 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 01 2020