How To Tell Latinos Apart I Gabriel Iglesias

okay i just want to know how many latinos in the crowd tonight now notice i asked latinos i wasn't very specific because if you call a latino the wrong one there's an issue you call a mexican a salvadorian we get mad you call a puerto rican a dominican they get mad you call a cuban anything but a cuban you're gonna get stabbed so for everyone here and everyone at home i have found a way to figure out who's who it's very easy all you have to do is listen to the way the person is speaking spanish you don't have to understand a single word just listen to the flow that'll let you know for example mexicans when we speak spanish we sound high seriously you ask us a question we drag it out hey bro how's it going now [Applause] you know cubans i found out cubans you guys speak spanish like everything means something it's very serious you ask a cuban a question bro where are you going [Applause] just asking dude he's like why is he yelling i don't know and i found a puerto ricans you guys speak spanish like there's a time limit ask even mexicans were like hey write that down [Applause] quick another way is the beverage the beverage will let you know who you're dealing with for example a mexican's preferred drink of choice is tequila okay [Music] a puerto rican's preferred drink of choice is either donku or coquito right and a cuban's preferred drink of choice is coffee now let me tell you how i know about this one so a few years ago martina and i were doing a show at the improv in miami and after the show was over i was talking to martinez hey bro i said we got to try out some of this cuban food everybody's been talking about it's our first time here and so we go outside to catch a cab and when we got in the car uh i figured something out and that is a cubans come in every color of the rainbow cubans and puerto ricans you go from really really white all the way to freaking navy black just hardcore wesley snipes just dark squirtle hardcore you know what i mean i didn't know that there was such a thing as a black cuban because we get in the car and we're speaking spanish and this guy turns around and he's black and he's like don't get any why you wanna go i'm like oh my god it freaked me out i thought the partition was tinted i didn't know so he's yelling at it don't let him eat i'm like dude oh why is he yelling [Laughter] i said listen we uh we want to go somewhere to get some authentic cuban food where can we go and then he takes us to this place called calleocho which for everyone at home is spanish for 8th street and it's an area where you know it's very authentic and he takes us to this restaurant called la carreta okay so you can't miss it there's a restaurant on the corner with a giant wagon wheel in front of it and a huge rooster i don't know what the rooster does but look out for him we walk inside and i think what was about to be like two or three o'clock in the morning when we went in easy three in the morning he's at three o'clock in the morning we sit down at this table and we're looking at the menu we're trying to figure it out and there's all kinds of bananas and all kinds of weird stuff that i'm like i didn't know that sir okay banana's fine okay let's do this um and here comes the waiter and the waiter's coming over and he gets to my face and he's like okay and i'm like i forgot why is he yelling i don't know i said listen bro tell you what um let me look at this menu a little bit longer i think we need some time yeah we were like yeah we need some more time and i says uh for right now can i just get a coffee and he's like okay and he walks into the kitchen he comes back five minutes later seriously with a little coaster and a shot glass of coffee on the coaster and he puts it down in front of me and he's like okay and i'm like what is this i go dude look at me i'm not a ito i'm a ande and then i started thinking maybe he knows who i am i get the joke bring the really big guy the really little cup you know what i mean and i said bro what is it i got no no no i'll bring me a full-size cup of coffee take this back and i was frustrated so the guy's like okay and why you want okay so he grabs it all pissed off and then he goes in the kitchen and he starts talking trash to one of the cooks and then he comes back with a bowl of cuban coffee okay and he puts it down in front of me and he won't leave the table he's like okay and i'm like okay okay okay okay oh i get it he wants me to make sure this is what i wrote you know what i want right so i pick up the ball and i take a little sip of it and when the coffee hit my tongue i was like oh my god this is the most concentrated coffee i've ever had it was really really strong and then it clicked that's why they bring you a little shot glass of this stuff so now i don't want to look stupid making him take a bowl of coffee back in the kitchen so i picked it up to my face again and i drank the whole thing [Applause] well done i knew i messed up bro i knew i messed up cause a waiter looked at me he's like he goes back in the kitchen he's like [Applause] 10 minutes go by you guys i am so wired that coffee is strong that is the only way in the world cubans can make that swim [Applause]

Channel: Gabriel Iglesias

Views: 4,564,931

Keywords: fluffy, standup comedy, gabriel iglesias

Id: bFqu9YVuAgI

Length: 6min 20sec (380 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 14 2022