Levels of Drunkness | Gabriel Iglesias

you can't have oh seriously around here you got to be careful because the police here in bakersfield they don't mess around they will stop you for anything man they got me outside what are you doing walking but i noticed something though if you can make a cop laugh they will work with you but you got to really make them laugh you can't just make them go ah you got to make them you know you know i made a cop laugh so hard one time he almost peed on himself i know this because he told me he was like you don't understand not damn near piss myself and here in bakersfield man it's no different man i've had a i love every part of this town i even love oildale oh yeah and for everybody watching at home going what the hell is oildale [Applause] but i still love it guys i still love it but yeah man drinking here in town you got to be careful though man because some people can handle alcohol you know who you are some people can you have no clue guys especially you know how it goes we get loaded we turn into one of three people right we're either the i love you guy i hate you guy or the mere guy you know that guy right hey come here i know cause that's me oh my god i can't handle alcohol people when they get drunk they say things they don't mean and you know when i'm drunk you hear something like i'm going running you better cut me off oh hell yeah man and when i drink i only drink like regular alcohol i don't do beer beer just doesn't know beer makes me talk to my body i don't like that when i get drunk on beer i get weird i'm like you know what's the matter hey you said you could hang don't talk to me there you talking that's what i say you just got to be careful you know and if you're going to drink and you are thinking about driving don't do it you know it's not a good idea because like i said you know when you're drunk you know when you're drunk you're doing laps in the parking lot and you can't find the exit hello some of you make it out to the streets you know when you're drunk you're like you know behind you you hear her shut up stupid you know if you hear if you hear the magical sound one of two things will pop in your head either one i'm okay i'm fine i can beat this or two i'm gonna go to jail i'm gonna go to town i'm gonna go in hell i gotta let you go babe i'm gonna go to jail tell the kids i love it man i'm gonna tell you right now again if you can make the police laugh you have a chance if you do get pulled over for drunk driving okay pull over as slowly and as safely as you can get over there now if you know for a fact that you are gonna go to jail okay you're already i'm gone have a little fun i don't mean take off in a high speed pursuit no no no no don't do that because you're not going to get very far i mean if you're drunk and you know you're going to go to jail you know and you have tinted windows have a little extra fun take off your seat belt jump over to the passenger side throw your seatbelt back on and just wait for the cop you have no idea how bad you're gonna throw his ass off you guys he's gonna come over to the driver's side with a flashlight oh you're sitting there dude he was here a second ago i don't know where he went excuse me what me drive a hell no i'm [ __ ] up you

Channel: Gabriel Iglesias

Views: 850,510

Rating: 4.9642744 out of 5

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Id: kuPAxn2W5D0

Length: 5min 44sec (344 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 21 2021