How To Love Yourself | Tony Gaskins

it's only guys's here I want to talk to you about what it really means to truly love yourself now what you have to understand is that when you are truly loving yourself this is the only time that love should hurt but hear me out here what I mean by love hurting is the discipline that it takes you know when you have discipline and you're working on something and you are very committed and you're very focused it may be painful because you're having to not do things you're accustomed to doing you're having to do things a new way so in essence you are rewiring your brain and that can be a painful process so when you truly start to love yourself it is not going to be easy because there will be times that you feel like you're being rude or you're being nasty to people you will label it as that even though that's not the case because when you don't love yourself you're always jumping whenever someone else says jump and you're asking them how high you're always running and you're always taking care of the needs of other people even though those same people may not be there for you so when you truly start to love yourself you have to understand that this means number one you set standards you set standards for your life and understand that there's a difference between standards and preferences that I'm going to talk about preferences in another video but when you set standards for your life these standards are related to your morals your values your belief system so when you set standards you are essentially kind of going down in your life through friendships through business relationships and intimate relationships and you are stating and you're writing it on the tables of your heart you are stating how you want to be treated what you want from a relationship so you may say in a relationship you may say I need a person who's going to be consistent who's gonna reach out who's gonna talk to me daily who's going to talk to me with respect not yell at me not curse at me not lied to me miss leave me deceive me so a lot of these standards may be packed into one thing like treat me with respect that may have a lot of examples inside of that but you set that in your heart and you look back at your relationships and you see where you drop the ball you see where you let someone curse you out talk to you worse then that person he would talk to or she would talk to a stray dog let you let them yell at you curse at you put you down belittle you so you start to look at this and you start to see hmm this person lied to you they cheated on you ran in and out of your life they drugged you along they sent mixed signals so when you set your standards you may say I refuse to be lied to continuously to be talked down to to be yelled at to be cursed at and so you set these standards and then you go in every area of your life so I just walked away from a business deal because what I needed in the deal they weren't willing to give that to meet me there and so I was asking them to take a little less than that that they want but to give me what is customary what is normal what is average in that particular business feel in that end and they wanted more than what's average so although working with them partnering with them signing them hiring them whatever you call it although that maybe could have opened up some new doors it's still a gamble and so if it did but then I'm giving away too much then I'm gonna have resentment in my heart because and I'm not gonna be happy in that deal so you have to create in every area of your life you have to create a win-win situation so although you may be giving a lot you also need to be getting a lot and you need to be able to smile about the situation that you're in business personal intimate you need to feel like you are winning but then also feel like that you are helping your partner win and if you can feel that then you're in a good situation but if you don't feel that then that's when you have to re-evaluate some things so write this down set new standards you gotta set new standards you know what you deserve you know what you want and you can't talk yourself out of it and allow yourself to believe or to feel like you're asking for too much if you know that in your heart you're asking for it from the right place and for the right reasons now if you just have these crazy demands and you're doing it just because you're you can you're doing it just to prove to yourself or to show yourself hey I can do this I can get this much from this person I can have them cooking for me three times a day and cleaning for me seven days a week just because I see that they'll do it but if you know in your heart you're doing that for power or for control not because that is what you really need and that's what you require then you're operating from the wrong place and your standards are rooted in the wrong reason and you have to evaluate that but if you know you're being fair and honest then don't compromise your standards now the second thing and these could be put in different order but the same thing you want to do in truly loving yourself is you have to look yourself in the mirror and when you look yourself in the mirror you have to understand that what you are called to work on when you're loving yourself isn't necessarily things you can see in the mirror so I may not say okay loving myself means that I need to do something to my lips or do something to my eyes or do something to my skin or you know my forehead my cheekbones that is not loving yourself loving yourself when is evaluating yourself interviewing yourself and say saying okay where do I need to get better physically mentally spiritually where do I need to get better not where do I need to conform to society's standards of beauty not that but where do I need to grow as a person for my emotional and my physical and my spiritual health so if I say you know I get angry too fast so I need to work on doing my cool down technique taking five deep breaths counting to ten reciting what I want to say or what I want to do going through that in my mind taking a beat taking a pause and then deciding and asking myself is this the best way to respond to this situation so I need to work on that I may say I need to work on my limiting beliefs I'm putting myself in a box I'm talking down to myself I'm beating myself up I'm putting a lot of doubt and negativity into the air I need to focus and before I say something I need to think about is this positive is this is this uplifting is this true is this what I want from life and if the answer is no I to not say it so in this process you're evaluating yourself you say okay I need to lose some weight or I need to gain some weight and that may be because I'm feeling unhealthy I'm feeling sluggish I'm eating out of boredom or guilt or loneliness I'm eating very late at night for no reason so and I'm eating fried food or greasy food or too much sugar drinking too much sodas and juice and that is affecting my kidneys it's affecting my energy it's affecting my body my skin my glow so I need to change that for health reasons so now when you look at this and you say okay I'm gonna make these changes for health reasons what that does is you are dressing an area that needs to be fixed but you're dressing it for the right reasons you're not saying I need to go do this because this is what what men like you're saying I need to go do this because this is what will make me healthier or I need to go do this because this is what I know I can be happy at with a body like this because this body will be the result of eating right sleeping right living right and doing the right things I'm not just doing this because women want a man with a six-pack I'm working on myself because I want to have a long healthy life so evaluate your reasoning so in this process you are setting new standards and then you're looking at yourself in the mirror and you are doing the work you're doing the work and then lastly what you have to remind yourself of is is not settling not settling not settling and not compromising so in this and when I say compromise I mean not compromising in an unhealthy way when you give something or you do something isn't unhealthy but it can help someone or make the situation better that's not an unhealthy compromise or that's not what I mean when I say don't compromise so don't settle meaning that if you know what you want you know what you deserve you know what you desire be willing to do the work put in the work and keep working towards it until you get it and understand that you're never perfect so you always have something you can be working on and working toward keep doing that work and be patient in the process knowing that what you desire is coming to you but you have to keep working for it so don't settle for a relationship that is beneath you and it doesn't serve you it doesn't make you better and you're settling just because your clock is ticking and you want to have a child or you want to be married to look whole and stable in front of your friends and family but really you know this person isn't the person for you so self love does not settle for second best when you know the best for you is out there self love does not settle out of frustration fear doubt scarcity lack self love is loving yourself enough to hold out and to continue working on yourself until you attract what it is you know you deserve so hey that's a few tips on how to love yourself and if you sit down and you actually do the work you'll realize that you have created new standards and that you are living up to those standards but you've also evaluated yourself and you're working on yourself in a healthy way for the right reasons and then you are refusing to settle for less than what you do serve it is Tony Gaskins your virtual life coach god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 51,364

Rating: 4.9657006 out of 5

Keywords: how to love myself, how to love yourself, what is self-love, how to have more self-love, tony gaskins, relationship coach

Id: OUPDfjfrPFg

Length: 13min 16sec (796 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 18 2019