How Did He Get Into the Army?

military people have read it who was the how the frick did he pass basic training guy this guy was a student in aviation school while i was an instructor he was a new soldier attending his technical school after basic apparently he was on the autism spectrum but functioned well enough for the army he was great at physical tasks that's how he passed basic he was also very intelligent in the classroom study if he was directly instructed he was fine one day i found him in the hall between classrooms during a class session he had taken a restroom break but got sidetracked and was staring deeply into the ceiling fan it took several attempts to get his attention i had to touch his arm when he didn't respond to my approach or calling his name a few times it happened a few times with other instructors until our supervisor addressed it with a division chief it was decided after several medical consultations and meetings with the colonel that it wasn't safe to allow this student to proceed as a helicopter mechanic it was ultimately a safety matter because he could get mesmerized by a spinning rotor on an airfield strangely i saw him later on a deployment to afghanistan he was reclassified as an artillery soldier ceiling fan comma helicopter mechanic freaking lost it right there worked with a yusuf major long ago who'd been engraved for eons because he couldn't give a briefing without scratching his balls only the vietnam war was keeping him in the service eventually he went on an orientation tour of a minuteman site and fell into a hole when he got out of the hospital they retired him he must really have itchy balls you find officers like this too not lacking basic competencies just common sense we had a water leak at the naval medical center and the department head 06 simply kicked off her shoes so they won't get wet part of the ceiling in the space had collapsed and the computer tower was sitting on the floor in the puddle along with her feet it and the outlet was throwing sparks and you could see the blue light of our king electricity inside the tower didn't stop working until the first it3 got there to point it out you could feel the electricity in that room at basic we had a guy who did a version of the christian bale deep batman voice for the entire time and never took off his eye protection terrifying to be woken up by him for guard duty in the middle of the night he would just loom over you and say your name while jabbing you violently with his hands apparently his underwear eventually fused to his body because he didn't shower for weeks the stench was miserable from what i heard he was put on suicide watch a couple of weeks after basic but he passed basic there was a guy next to me on the shooting range we were supposed to fire a full mag of the target 29 rounds well when we were done his target had zero hits and mine had around 50. honestly it was me joined the marines at 17 as an artilleryman didn't know at the time that i had high functioning autism i could follow instructions well enough so i got through basic without any real trouble but i just didn't have much common sense in my head at the time i didn't like to socialize and was very awkward beyond simple order following things i got messed with to no end and wound up beating the snot out of myself from the stress during fleet week eventually we got deployed to iraq as civil affairs and i was put in administrative and office duties and found i was especially good at office work in the end it was a positive experience though i was forced into having a lot more social interactions than i would have as a civilian and i was able to work on things like that a lot more than i would have if i had not joined i still had a lot of trouble after leaving the marines because it was right at the start of the recession but i would have been even worse off otherwise we had a guy we called domestic pepsi his surname was intencolor get it he was dumber than a bag of hammers one day we had a big inspection company commander inspecting the commander eventually made his way to domestic pepsi and started asking questions about general marine corps knowledge this recruit does not know sir this recruit does not know sir sir this recruit doesn't know finally our commander asked him son you don't even know if you're live do you there was the longest pause following the question then a small quiet and incredibly confused voice replied sir this recruit does know that he's alive sir it's like he actually had to think about it in his small and intimidated head he was probably going through all seven of the facts he knew and seriously asked himself am i alive the whole squad bay of hardened nearly graduated marine recruits and our drill instructors all burst into laughter how he actually graduated i have no idea yes marines are a bunch of crayon-eating morons but domestic pepsi was the guy who would have choked to death on the paper sheaths on each crayon the lad who shot himself and didn't want to let people know so through his crappy kit with an actual log inside the trousers into the group wash freaking rotter the two females and two males who got caught fraternizing in the briefing room the night before pass out and somehow managed to not get day zeroed for it the lad who tried to give himself a neck shave and buzzed a racing stripe five inches up the back of his head the lad who broke his nose trying to impress and goes with a backflip the lad who was going for gunner who couldn't for the life of him figure out how to sling a rifle spent five hours practicing crying and crap couldn't hack it and after passing out eventually months after everyone else got kicked out for drugs sold equipment including his gas mask tac vest and helmet started fights with fellow recruits almost every week threatened to bring his gang to shoot us up who still passed go figure getting immunization needles i overheard the nurse asking about medical family history my family has a history of hypothermia during field training with blank rounds had two negligent discharges ended up being charged for both threw their rifle down and start encasing black magic on the rifle if he was referring to malignant hypothermia that's a very real very serious issue we had one guy in my basic training platoon that was a walking safety hazard among other things he managed to fall out of a first floor window got a quarter of the platoons packs the squad's pack stolen during an exercise because he fell asleep watching them fired his rifle on full auto into the freaking camp with training rounds luckily because he thought he saw a wild pig rifling through our stuff and to cap it all off put a live round between the drill instructor's feet at the firing range he passed basic with the rest of us the only guy that failed failed because he deserted halfway through although he did get a mark in his fire that he was unsuited for any rank with any kind of responsibility edit does anyone know what the next lower organizational unit below a platoon is called i was in the german army and have been racking my brain for the english word ever since i posted this the german word just translates to group which i highly doubt is the correct term squad thanks guys i fixed it up above squad one of the kindest sweetest least aggressive people i know was in the marines with me just a teddy bear it's not so much that i don't know how he managed although it was puzzling and more that i have no idea why he wanted to a lot of super tough dudes are very nice because nobody is willing to test them fus army here thankfully my story didn't make it out of basic but dang i would like to punch the recruiter that put her in square in the jaw this girl was five feet two inches and probably weighed less than 90 pounds she was so frail she looked like she was going to snap under the weight of her lunch tray she was given twice as much time to eat and twice as much food as the rest of us in an effort to put some weight on her she never ate it just poked it for 20 minutes then threw it away she was clearly developmentally disabled soldiers call each other [ __ ] all the time as a joking insult this wasn't the case she was actually developmentally disabled during reception one two weeks of in processing before actual basic training starts i had to teach her how to button her pants lace her boots and do her laundry she was young maybe 18 her boyfriend was over 40 in reception she would be on the phone with him every walking moment possible she was caught on multiple occasions furiously masturbating in the corner of the bay while on the phone with him she couldn't understand that it was inappropriate once we shipped to actual training she ended up in my company but a different training platoon than me she made it four weeks before they took her weapon away because she wouldn't stop flagging people accidentally aiming it at someone with it also she could barely hold it up the nine pounds m16a2 was too heavy for her she got moved to the separation company around week five never saw her again that was nine years ago i think about her sometimes and wonder if she's okay had a kid at my first squadron air force who was quite possibly one of the dumbest least self-aware people i've ever met this kid either couldn't or wouldn't retain basic information which was problematic given that he was in the intelligence career field at one point he was presenting a briefing about north korea and claimed with a straight face that the capital city of north korea was bogota for those keeping score bogota is the capital of colombia he tried very hard to project a redneck persona and as part of this bought a massive bright red lifted truck with obnoxious redneck decal work anyone with half a brain could tell you he was struggling to pay for it on his measly e3 barracks rat pay eventually he decided he didn't want to pay for the truck anymore so he drove it into a lake one night and filed an insurance claim then used the money to immediately buy a different vehicle this was quickly uncovered by the police and he was kicked out of the air force to this day i have no earthly idea who thought this kid belonged in military intelligence or how he got through until school i got kinda hung up on the part that he wanted to be seen as redneck from what i understand non-american redneck is just slang insult for people with guns and beer for brains there was this super nasty dude in our platoon that smelled terrible and the squad leader figured out it's because he washed his clothes by putting them in the freezer overnight he also got busted malingering by purposely not hydrating in the desert heat passing out and having to get ivs from the medics he did it to get out of work eventually they did a home health and wellness check off base and found 12 dogs living in his two-bedroom apartment and the floor thick as carpet with dog crap you all he was was a 35 series intelligence some scout from a cav company that i was attached to as intel support somehow always showed up when i was washing my feet my feet got so gross in the desert and baby wipes didn't cut it one day he got the courage to approach me from around a sand dune and asked where i'm from i said iowa he said isn't that in nebraska also a woman i was in basic training with who had to have been on the spectrum we had to teach her and coach her on how to shower otherwise she just stood under the water for 30 seconds she fell asleep while live firing on the qualification range a lot of this complained to rpg because we would wake up with her staring at us from the end of our bunks crouched down like a freaking animal that's all i remember now but she graduated i wonder what happened to her hope she's okay had a girl who would hit herself in the face when she got upset like full hard slaps it was unnerving to watch she's also hide candy and food from the mess deck and eat it alone in the head bathroom our racks beds were next to each other separated by a thin piece of metal with small holes punched in it for air circulation one night i was reading a book and she asked me how i liked it i asked her how she knew what i was reading and she said she was watching me through the holes in the partition this girl made it through the recruiter meps where they do a psych eval and boot camp clearly someone dropped the ball self-injury and food hoarding are both signs of childhood abuse i hope she got help i've had the pleasure of serving with a few of those types the two most memorable are went through basic with this kid this dude had literally never a day in his life prior done anything physical ever he had a permanent hunchback from sitting on the couch all his life he was literally purple because he circulation sucked his arms had the bat wings of an 80 year old woman and he honest to god had a wattle which led to his unfortunate nickname of turkey he legitimately couldn't do five push-ups a single sit-up this dude couldn't even jump high enough to grab on to her put-up bar let alone do a pull-up failed every single pt test we took the drills actually called his mother and the army paid for her to fly out so she could give encouragement so maybe he would finally pass one home slice still graduated with us because the drills couldn't be acid to chapter him and wanted his gaining unit to take the flack instead second dude was a real special case 100 to gomer pile type of situation only a few peanuts rattling around the can he got to us right around the same time as what does the fox say was a big deal he considered it his favorite song and sang it nearly constantly he honest to god thought he was a cat and would lick himself randomly meow at us dude was white as crap but every other week he'd be rapping a different gang typically one that doesn't recruit white folk but his favorite was latin kings i think he just liked yellow we'd catch him staring at walls and crap completely zoned out we got orders to deploy and nobody wanted him with us but sadly he came along leadership took his firing pin and he guarded the dfac for the whole deployment as soon as we got back he was chaptered for mental instability a few of my guys are still facebook friends with him and according to him he was freaking john rambo himself overseas single-handedly clearing buildings and crap army guy here i went to basic with this one guy oml let's start from the top almost shot at drill sergeant got a staph infection and refused to get medicine slept in his wall locker during toe the line toe the line is when you stand right by your bunks quiet at the position of attention and wait for your drill sergeant would listen to the ds explain what you would have to do and the ds would ask if there was any questions and not ask at that time but then five minutes later ask him a dumbass question oh my god all of them i was part of the card before eight technical school considered part two of basic and i had to file a lot of paperwork for my dumbasses here's a highlight reel one of my guys ran into a pole and broke his face twice on the same pole the ink hadn't even dried on the first report before he did it the second time somehow a rumor started that if you could put your pt belt on a deer you'd be exempt from pt there was an entire week where we had to keep soldiers from sneaking out the barracks with excessive number of pt belts except we hadn't figured out why yet then by some sick twist of fate a deer actually ran throughout morning formation like threw it and it was just a hailstorm of pt belts at the poor thing i had one get all the way through the training just to discover the week before he graduated that he was at the wrong eight he was supposed to be learning a completely different specialty i didn't even know that could happen health and welfare inspections are always a nightmare none of these chuckleheads do laundry half as often as they should and half don't do it at all then there's the really gross finds like bags of used sanitary products that they can't find the motivation to walk 100 yards to the dumpsters for ugg a hurricane came through one month and there was a conspiracy to jump off the barracks with makeshift parachutes we successfully prevented that incident and walder got away without filing paperwork if one of them hadn't bragged about it while raking leads at bn one i crap you not could not spell his own name a lot come through not knowing cursive and i figured that was the reason he was having trouble so i said he could print on the dotted line mother sucker misspelled his own name then there was the butt plug incident honestly the less said the better this isn't including the petty high school bulls these brats get up to he said she said start a fight to defend my h on or srnt the straight up crimes that happen usually involving alcohol or smuggled fried chicken and general tomfoolery losing important equipment you'd think this would be a reason to fear for our military's capabilities right nope i would not unleash those terrors on anyone except our worst enemies lord have mercy on him cause these shitlords can't even spell the word i would like to hear more about the butt plug and whatever sort of crime would involve smuggled fried chicken we had a guy called tom sawyer his list of offenses were shaving in the shower hall pulling his molars out with pliers cutting his toenails and saving them above his wall locker well he sounds like a modern day warrior with a mean mean stride first night of actual basic after shark attack and all that bs we're all showering and getting ready for bed i noticed a guy in the bunk across from me had already changed into his pts i asked him if he was gonna shower and he said no i put on 48 hour deodorant the entire bay erupted into laughter and for the rest of basic my guy's name was private 48 kind of a badass name also sounds like a [ __ ] knockoff of soldier 76 after basic training i was at tech school in a squadron that trains air traffic controllers airfield managers command post and a rear space control and warning systems had three people i wonder get past basic one the person who tossed a whole unopened box of hot pockets into a microwave set it for five minutes and left their door room two the person who got second-degree burns when they tried to hunt their uniform while wearing it three the girl who would hiccup sounded like she was trying to imitate a raptor from jurassic park in formation or whenever people weren't paying attention to her sounded like she was trying to imitate a raptor from jurassic park clever girl at one of my duty stations there was a girl that wasn't all there one day out of the blue she decides to take the three-wheel bike the one with the large basket in between the two rear tires and go for a spin she hit a fence post a parked car in the dumpster all within 30 feet of her starting position she eventually went to cook school com a three-wheel bike you would call that a trike so there have been so many of these let's see first was sgt stubby on aircraft we have these things called van axel fans think of a high amperage dc powered fan with blades that are about two millimeters thick these things usually have a tubular housing for air channeling reasons and spins so fast they are near invisible for whatever reason he decided to check if it was spinning and stuck his hand down the backside of one of these things and stick a finger in the end result was a clean severance at the first knuckle i watched this same guy fall asleep on the wing of an apache while trying to install a clamp on a drain line and roll forward off the wing he hit the hellfire rack on the way down which broke his fall and his arm the next guy was a career spc if i remember correctly he was at eight years in when i met him he was probably somewhere on the spectrum but that was before autism was really in the mainstream so most people thought he was high on chromosomes he was horrible at coping with stressors and would high side on the regular he came in one day and had a grey undershirt on back when they were supposed to be brown i asked him if he was wearing a pea t-shirt underneath his top to which he excitedly declared of course not at that point i told him to look down which he did then in the span of about two seconds grabbed both sides of his collar zips his hands and collars tight across his neck and then without a word runs full speed for the door he clips the door frame and eats it outside and then disappears for about an hour and shows back up with a brown shirt and no recollection of anything ever happening about three weeks later he shows up to work and during morning uniform inspection i get to him and notice he is wearing two left boots he didn't even notice he had two left boots fast forward a couple more weeks and i'm walking with him out to a helicopter and he is carrying a torque wrench evidently his hand stops working like a normal hand and this torque wrench slips right out of his fingers hits his boot and gets punted about 40 feet down the flight line these are calibrated tools so if they drop more than a foot they are supposed to get coded out and sent back for ray carl he just walks his happy butt up to it looks at me and stares at me while he picks the wrench up and then starts sauntering back out towards the aircraft i call him on it and he is dead but bewildered that he will be told to go get a new torque wrench for every quality dude there is someone equally horrible and no one seems quite sure how he she got there we basically had a gomer from full metal jacket who during a few times in basic training i was actually concerned was going to murder all of us from the abuse he received i similarly to joker was assigned to unfuck this recruit which unfortunately i was unable to do regardless of the instruction advice or positive reinforcement offered i am convinced he was mentally unable to handle what was going on he still contacts me about once a year 14 years later i met so many one of my soldiers never passed a pt test not once not in basic not in the real army never we need the personnel and we knew he wouldn't pass so we stopped testing him same guy wouldn't shower spent two weeks in 100 degree dessert and he didn't shower when we got back then there was the guy who was just plain dumb like he had a spare tire in his car and a flat tire on his car and the reason he hadn't changed them was because he couldn't figure out where the lug nuts on the flat tire were not basic i think the story still applies i was in airborne school in the old crappy dfac and one of the carder is yelling at this bald kid with no eyebrows what the frick you goth piece of crap don't you know this is against ar 670-1 blah blah the kid was like i have alopecia lol we had one of those we called him space monkey female this time she got to her very first unit and was continuously late and argumentative with her sergeants just up and quit on motor pool duties a couple times refusing to check oil levels no idea how she got past her drill sergeant but her entire time on active duty lasted all of four months before she found herself signing her discharge paperwork at jag there was also the guy who ended up with smallpox on his penis we had just gotten our vaccines and they warned us not to touch the pox that appeared because it might spread to other areas the guy swore that the band-aid fell off and he accidentally sat on it but everyone knew he had scratched his injection site and then jerked off vaccinia cowpox not varila smallpox but wow what a rare std we had a guy who just kept losing crap he showed up to morning formation in a downpour without his rain jacket and when asked just spouted i lost i.t master corporal we all had to go the day without a rain jacket another time he had gotten called to speak with the board of officers to see if he should stay or not and as per the standard he had lost his berry and needed to borrow one i being sympathetic lent him mine and by the end of the day had reported back to me that he had lost my berry he was also a cheapskate a few of us on our infantry course would couple when we got we can't leave and he never pitched for gas so we just left him he wasn't super thrilled next time we saw him if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video so bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

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Keywords: military training, military training exercises, military training fails, military transformation, military training motivation, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap

Id: se4q38BvBfI

Length: 25min 39sec (1539 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 10 2021