Veterans, What's The Funniest Thing Someone Did In Basic Training?

the turns Alfred it what is the most embarrassing thing that you witnessed all that happened to you during basic training possibly NSW it is around the 20th of December and our Ti decides to make a trainees sing jingle bells since he left his key necklace outside of his shirt big no-no this trainee had no idea as to what the words were so as he is doing push-ups he is only saying jingle bells jingle bells jingle bells jingle bells jingle bells jingle bells he just keeps going our ta lets out a primal scream of rage gets right up in his face and screams at him jingle all the way mother God dang was that funny AF basic training we all have jobs around the barracks some people are on latrine Queen Duty some people's job is to align the beds perfectly my job was to man the utility closet and keep it neat and organized and stocked with chemicals and such for the flight to use when cleaning it's a very small room with no ventilation after the first two weeks of basic I pretty much figured out what I was going to eat at every meal and rarely deviated peanut butter packet honey packs a piece of bread and half a banana all smashed up together in the bread and hooked down with a glass of Gatorade also usually some other crap depend on the meal well the fifth week of training comes along and something terrible happens to me in the chair liner dinner no bananas no honey and only the crappy white bread so I change my meal up I had the spaghetti and meatballs and some other crap I'm not sure of 100% that night on details I'm adding the utility closet I feel this terrible gas brewing all want my current sergeant likes to call bubble gut I am trying to hold in this mother of all thoughts until such time as I can escape the closet and unleash this beast in the latrine apparently my altered dinner that night did not get along well with my plumbing I end up giving up on holding in the fart and just cut a thunderous blast with it I didn't realize my tea I was standing in the hall just outside of my range of view he was like most tea eyes ninja silent when calm loud as Frick when angry well he heard this gunshot loud fart and before he could walk the two steps to get to the closet to yell at me for it he could smell it too but he had his charging bull face on when he rounded the doorframe to yell at me but you could see where he hit the wall of stench it looked like he ran into a brick wall as he nearly lost his footing trying to back up and get away from the smell before he recovered his bearing he starts yelling at me did you crap your frickin pants trainee holy mother of god it smells like hot rotten garbage in the Texas Sun Mach 4 MOT for every one gets your freaking gas masks on here we have a goddamn chemical attack the other trainees start to book it towards their bunks to get their gas masks their guys started to try to move out but he stares me dead in the eyes and says not you a trainee you get to sit in there and stew in it yes and I replied after the details were done he made me go check to see if I actually crapped my pants in the bathroom then told me that I had to stay in the closet until the smell went away I stayed in the closet for nearly an hour after the details were finished in gas masks he would stop by every five minutes or so and pop off his gas mask to see if it still smelled he called me the fat monitor for the remainder of basic and anytime he smelled a fart he'd ask me if I was crop dusting several weeks into training we were getting ready to go to the gas chamber the next day we got issued our gas masks and then everyone hits the showers all of a sudden one of the guys whose bunk is near the latrines starts beatboxing the standard techno baseline untie Santi Santi out prompts who's one of our class clowns wearing only his gas mask like a banana hammock everyone starts dying of laughter until our drill sergeant walks in already pee off at we are being loud shut up toe the line oh what the Frick you know that is going on your face in a couple hours right so he smokes the dog crap out of us and the dude had to keep the gas mask on getting it nice and sweaty for the next day dude your camp sounds awful familiar to something , go to the gas chamber everyone hits the showers we had a guy who was sick and on bed rest for a couple days the rest of the company was in the quad area doing weapons maintenance one of the drill sergeants walked into beta grab something from the office I guess out of pure instinct the sick guy saw him coming and shouted a tease and jumped to his feet problem was he was fapping at the time what followed is possibly one of the most impressive smokings i've ever seen my husband told me a hilarious story about when he was in there was this kid at miss trimming a long butt piece of thread off his uniform like three four inches long the drill instructor forced him to trim the thread and keep it as a pet for the remainder of basic training he had to have it with him at all times he had to name it named it Fred occasionally there would be a random person around and the drill instructor would call him out and make the kid explain who fred was it went something like this fred is my pet sir I have to water him every day sir the instructor made the kids show the stranger how he watered his pet which involved making the kid unscrew the cap to his canteen filling up the cap with water and dunking Fred in the water for a few seconds he had to keep Fred in his pocket all the time if he was caught without it he would be punished TL DR kid had to keep a long thread he forgot to trim all through basic training he had to water it his first week of training one of those soft-spoken scarecrow looking guys who was well over 6 feet tall while being yelled at by a short Bulldog of a female drill instructor 5 feet tall with shoulders as wide as she was tall he himself in genuine fear nobody blamed him though because when that woman said things like I'm going to eat your face and crap itback on to your skull you dang sure believed she would married guy and married girl though not married to each other got caught flicking in a dumpster behind the mess hall careers and marriages ended knee-deep in rotting food one guy marched like a puppet when his right foot went forward so did his right arm and vice versa he could never figure out how to march properly during the entirety of basic our drill instructor intention he tripped him before the final parade March and when he fell another instructor picked him up and escorted him off the parade grounds to the hospital to check for injury after a field exercise we were all sitting around in the dirt eating MREs while the cauda were explaining covering fire and positioning when one guy next to me suddenly got a panicked look on his face and ran off into the woods as fast as he could slapping his legs frantically when the instructor flipped out asking what in the holy all-loving Fricke though he was doing the guy screamed back fire ants in my pants so without ever looking back the sequence of emotions on the instructors face went from rage to pity to an abashed amusement and back to stoic faster than you can blink also the group of guys I went through basic with had odd names that made for comedic gold when the instructors would yell at them some of the best names were queer buttery junk and weena sadly none of them got into trouble simultaneously I've got two stories one guy was in formation and decided to start watching planes fly over he kept leaning back and looking around at the flight patterns so the instructors pulled him out of formation and yelled at him for a bit they made him spin in a circle like a radar antenna point and say there every time he saw an airplane I was going through the charcoal when a new flight of female trainees was they were rainbows still in civvies and so on one girl got stopped by our LT prior enlisted built like a pile of bricks I don't know what he said to her but she flipped out threw her tray on the ground and started screaming at the left end she was gesturing wildly when he told her to stow it and go outside or she'd be very sad so she spits on him and takes her swing the other instructors pull her down and start getting people the heck out of the chair all as my flight forms up and waits for our instructor who was still inside a k-9 unit shows up from security forces the cop comes out goes inside comes out with the girl handcuffed she's flailing screaming and basically going insane so she kicks his dog as hard as she can I heard the thump from 40 feet away so the dog bites her on the car we had some lectures after that one about people trying to go crazy to get out of basic and not to try it one guy was in formation and decided to start watching cranes fly over he kept leaning back and looking around at the flight patterns so the instructors pulled him out of formation and yelled at him for a bit they made him spin in a circle like a radar antenna point and say there every time he saw an airplane this is the best punishment in the whole thread our platoon had to take our mattresses sheets blankets and pillows outside to the parking area between the barracks I can't remember what the transgression was that merited this punishment but probably because the D I thought the racks weren't tight enough this is in San Diego in the summer middle of the day we had to arrange the mattresses in ranks and columns and make them tidally then we all stood on line at attention and the D I would say sweet dreams at a million miles per hour we got under our sheets and wool blankets in the afternoon Sun and yelled sweet dreams so then good morning recruits followed by good morning sir at which point we hurriedly made our racks and stood at attention this was repeated over and over for easily more than 10 minutes I remember there was a handful of civilians walking by who stopped to watch it wasn't a Friday which is when family members come for graduation so I'm not sure who they were or what they were doing regardless there were a couple girls among them and I remember thinking that this was not at all in keeping with the hardcore persona that every soon-to-be marine wants to project it was also fairly late into boot camp at the point when recruits are no longer scared and confused and they have a sort of Stockholm Syndrome and the recruits and drill instructors are feeding each other in this insane symbiotic relationship of hilarious suffering and everyone on both sides is trying to suppress a grin and maintain their bearing so from the point of view of those civilian Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Arlene Oh oh man I remember that feeling of Stockholm Syndrome so clearly when everyone realizes it's a game but no one can actually admit it before Don't Ask Don't Tell was repealed we had a huge dude in our infantry BCT that was obviously gay we called him big gay Russell he was a super nice guy good soldier et Cie just clearly and obviously gay he was like a cartoon character and he thought himself hilarious when towel snapping our asses while gleefully making his way to the shower announcing in his best come hither voice that it was shower time this offended some of the more religious conservatives an outlet tune and one by one they tried to fight him little did they know Russell was a champion wrestler in high school one by one they tried and one by one they got pummeled without mercy by big gay Russell it was hilarious that huge dude is definitely a queer let's try to grapple with him on the ground in our underwear and try to pin him down he'll hate that my brother flight got caught having naked wrestling matches in the showers when I was in basic another kid pee himself and marched around for two hours thinking no one would notice another guy shaved off his eyebrows the first night when the TI told him to shave all the hair off his face they never did grow back the right way oh man do I have one I was in boot camp USMC and we were having our big uniform inspection I was standing there at rest with my rifle by my side waiting to get inspected and asked random questions all of a sudden I get the urge to sneeze and clench up to suppress it the pressure in my head created the biggest freaking snot rocket I had ever blown all over my face at this point none of the D eyes had seen it but it was just dripping down my face and I stood there horrified as my buddy on the other side was just looking back at me in horror I took my opportunity when nobody was looking and wiped it away ninja style and just had to stand there with my off hand behind my back trying to dry out all the snot and hide the evidence looking back the whole thing was freaking hilarious but at the time I thought I was gonna die arm fell totally asleep while doing an inspection honestly I couldn't feel anything at all time came to do inspection arms dropping rifle onto the inspecting officer had to pick it up dropped again one of the guys in my brother flight wet the bed he then hid the sheets in an empty Locker he now had no bedsheets so I don't know how he thought this would fly after about two days there was an inspection and the tea eyes were tearing their barracks apart they discovered the pee sheets and proceeded to tear apart all the beds finding the culprit he then had to stand outside and yell his crime at anyone who came past proclaiming it for all to know in basic we had this dude that had a problem crapping himself not like his stomach was upset accidental wet fart crap I mean full-on log in his drawers in the middle of the night and the back story begins anyways about two weeks into basic we got smart we had all the mandatory items in our lockers folded primed and ready for inspection in our laundry closet we had three bags two four clean items we could wear and one for dirty laundry so one day laundry crew goes off to do laundry rest of the formation does symbols can't really remember anyways the laundry crew is gone for at least an hour longer than they should have been as we formed up and the TI is hollering at us the laundry crew walks back in front of us RT I hadn't realized they'd been gone or something along those lines so as they are marching back in front of us the TI unloads on them where are you being what have you been doing one poor bastard tried to reply without an appropriate reporting statement T I flipped scrap again even harder tells them to get to the dorm and be at attention outside his office after about ten minutes of typical yelling and five minutes of stuttering from the trainees he gets his answer they went to do laundry and would typically rewash some clean laundry so they could get some extra time to just chill out and be away from the tea eyes as they pulled out the clean whites to a wash they discovered some tighty-whiteys with a full on six inches log crap in them so they of course threw them out and reward every thing I sent them back down to the laundry room with gloves tongs and a freezer bag to retrieve said crappy undies the kid who had the problem crapping never thought about his laundry mark the identification mark in every piece of clothing needless to say he was washed back to another flight and this happened two more times before they finally just kicked him out and no the kid did not want to get out he had a brand-new fresh military tattoo in celebration of joining and getting through basic he just couldn't stop crapping himself when he slept TL DR kid shoots himself out of the military I had to escort a mentally ill person from my flight to the hospital and walk back by myself when I got back to the barracks everyone was gone i sat by the door for like three hours waiting when someone from my brother flight said my flight was at the dining hall which house was far away so I walked all the way over there and they weren't anywhere to be found so I waited there for like an hour and then went back to the barracks turns out they thought I ran away and they were all looking for me they eventually came back and found me and my tea I told me to stand downstairs and wait for him but soon after every TI from the 320 first training squadron was screaming at me for like an hour didn't really bother me was just annoying they all left and just my tea I was there he went over to this field next to our squadron picked up five rocks and said there are five rocks here with the numbers one five written on them find them and threw them all so here I am at like 9:00 at night searching for rocks with my Lockland laser I checked every dang rock in that field all night while my dorm chief was standing there watching me good like 10 hours later I am still out there searching and I find a pen but no dang rocks with numbers on them so I write one five on some random rocks and take them up to my door report him to my TI and set the rocks on his desk he picks them up one by one and examines them very carefully then says whose rocks are these these aren't my rocks all I can think is holy crap I'm busted do I figured I would lie a little more and say yes sir these are your rocks he calmly stands up sets the rocks on the table and says no they aren't my rocks didn't have numbers on them go to bed I hope you learned your lesson TL DR my TI was a dong should have told him that he wrote the numbers for him since you saw that he had forgotten first night actually early a.m. when we arrived the TI is start going up a [ __ ] on everyone trying to scare the bejesus out of us in the process they were going though everyone's belongings confiscating anything they consider to be contraband they give it back when you leave a couple of memorable ones one guy had a box of condoms in his bag the TI started raging on him didn't you realize this was an all-boys school you did didn't you what are you some kind of F are you planning on sneaking around and trying to freak all these guys in the butt well when the TI came around to another guys bag he found the guy had broad swim trunks a mask swim fins and a snorkel where did you think you were going when you packed Club Med you must have got on the wrong freakin bus then he ordered the guide to put on all the stuff swim fins included and walk around the barracks for about 15-20 minutes going quack quack those guys got a lot of ribbing the first few days but we soon learned that all of us were going to get the same treatment at one point TL DR condoms and crackers sir the condoms are for protection sir in basic we had this guy from the barrio in LA real hardcore Latino gangster type guy was a [ __ ] and all the brown rounds were giving him crap for being bad but so we are in the gas chamber and the drill there was you take your promise Goff do 10 push-ups and head out into the wind well the DI yells break your seal and assume the position 19 guys dropped a front leaning rest and barrio guy yep turns around and puts his hands on the wall all hood of cop car style I'd never laughed hysterically while throwing up before but I did that day before someone mistakes Brown runs a racial slur because of the Latino gangster in this story Brown rounds is a term for drill instructors because of your wide round rim Brown hats Marine Corps here one of our drill instructors yelled himself whoreson had to be reassigned his replacement came in to the barracks and had the entire platoon stand online he ordered us to take off our glasses so we took our blouses off then he told us to take our boots and socks off so we did then off came the pants then our shirts at this point we're standing in just our skivvy underwear and wondering WTF is going on finally he ordered us to take our underwear off and you could just feel the awkwardness in the air talk about uncomfortable we were all standing there completely naked on either side off the squad bay trying not to look down at the junk of the guy across from us he then proceeded to call us to attention had us do a right face and marched our naked asses around the squad bay for the next few minutes he was making jokes about how we needed to get our elbows to ass his clothes like we were accustomed to hearing for drill instruction finally the senior drill instructor comes out of his heart and sees how the nudie I is marching the entire platoon maked throughout the squad bay and yells di name what in the Frick are you doing get the Frick over here right the [ __ ] Frick now without waiting for an answer the senior di orders us to put our clothes back on before pushing the new DI into his office heart as we're getting dressed we can hear the senior di verbally ripping the replacement dir new butthole asking him WTF his problem was did he enjoy looking at naked boys etc I LMAO about it now but that was probably the most embarrassing experience of my life I guess a senior D I didn't report the incident to the company CEO because at D I stayed with us for the remainder of bootcamp I guess he didn't know that being a DI doesn't mean cruel for the sake of cruel when I went to marine boot camp there's a part about a weekend where the D eyes come around and you need to claim all the tattoos and piercings you have had then they write it down so it's documented in your file you stand there in your drawl so he can verify and write it down when the DI gets to me he looks my heavily tattooed body over and asks what tattoos and piercings I have had starting with the tattoos i rattle off all the tattoos I have he seems a little P that he had to write so much down then he asked me what piercings I have had up until I left for boot I had a Jacob's Ladder and had just taken it out a week prior I figured full disclosure was the best cause if it ever came up I didn't want to be accused of getting it after I joined so I tell him both my ears and three piercings in my dong he stops writing and looks up at me and just starts screaming what a Frick did you just say three in your goddamned on what the Jesus Freak are you freaking [ __ ] kids doing these days why the Frick would any man put metal in his frickin dong are you RF explain this balls to me he was flabbergasted horrified and piaf all at the same time for the rest of boot in the first couple years of the Marines my nickname was metal dawn then it just got shortened to metal not a fan of dong piercings good being nicknamed metal is well pretty fricking metal D s black female started running contraband checks after pass when she got to our female Bay she found the heavily used rolled-up pad in one of the wall lockers D s then proceeded to smoke the owner in the hallway with the pair duct taped to her phorid as she lectured her about being a dirty B we were all forced to look on for the entire half hour good god that's horrendous a private in my platoon left his locker open and when confronted said it was an accident they emptied every toilet tree on the ground onto his uniforms my senior drill sergeant made a private and his buddies stand in the bay hallway the one who left it unlocked did a duck walk up and down the bay hall quacking then every three quacks his buddies standing at attention would yell who has the best insurance and he would yell Aflac every time someone passed the private at attention would have DL please mom don't feed the animals first day or BRM basic rifle maintenance I am sitting next to a private that I had already determined to have been clinically brain-dead and we are learning how to break down and function check the m4 carbines I am fairly knowledgeable with rifles and I was very familiar with this particular weapon so I was helping the guy at the table to my left I was standing up had just functioned checked the three round bursts after explaining it to the guy and to my right I hear a click I look right and I'm staring down the barrel of a real functional weapon that private Ray Ray had just pulled the trigger on instinct told me he was going to kill me so I grabbed the rifle from his hands pulled it away and without even a thought slammed it into the left side of his head he hits the floor and I realized what I had done I was scared for my life but then the d/s asks my why I did it I replied with because he killed me I didn't get in trouble but I felt bad for the kid not sure if that is what you are looking for but I was embarrassed by my lack of restraint dart crap I don't think I could get on you for that reaction dude points a rifle at your head and pulls the trigger you whoop his butt if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

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Keywords: veterans, veteran stories, veteran training, veteran service officer training, military, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: 0Jqkpxf2p-U

Length: 25min 54sec (1554 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 29 2020