Military personnel, what's the funniest punishment you've seen someone get? r/AskReddit | Reddit Jar

military personnel of reddit what's the best weirdest funniest punishment you've seen handed down by a superior USMC here in our unit we had one guy that would constantly hum songs well one day our CEO had enough of his behavior so he tells him to report to his locker so he goes to his locker and stands in front of it CEO tells him to get inside the locker when he does he shuts and locks the door with him inside he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a quarter and pushes it through the vent holes and tells the guide to start singing and tells him that whenever someone puts a quarter in the slot he was to sing another song this went on for six hours the guy made around 15 books in quarters and we were all in pain from laughing at him needless to say he acquired the name jukebox and never hummed again edit whoa thanks for the gold what are they going to do bend my doggie tags take my birthday away chuckle chuckle um yep apparently a Navy captain did just that once on purpose by deliberately sailing parallel to the International Dateline then slipping across it's right on midnight tomorrow suddenly became yesterday and no birthday for you this year yeah chucklehead in US Army basic training one soldier lost his canteen and asked the drill sergeant if he had seen it the drill was angry at this for some reason and made the privates wander around for a few hours asking all kinds of inanimate objects if they had seen his canteen so things like truck have you seen my canteen double-quote got caught on basic with my iPod and I ran around the camp for near two hours with my ipod over my head shouting I'm a stupid FK for bringing my iPod in the field of the enemy was attacking our camp I then proceeded to put my ipod in a plastic bag then taped it onto my helmet and from there on I responded to private iPod when my instructor shouted play I had to sing skip I had to switch song etc it lasted two weeks even during the night when I had one two hours to sleep Guinan basic dropped the biggest herd you've ever seen in the commode so he shows the drill sergeants who then make him suit up in full combat gear weapon and all and guarded all night the whole halt who goes there pretty amusing my brother told me that when he was in basic a drill sergeant yelled at this guy to beat his face meaning to do push-ups said guy had no clue admit that and promptly punched himself in the face really really hard and fell to the ground the drill sergeant had to walk that one off and my brother said you could hear him laughing hysterically as he walked behind a building not totally relevant but I figured I'd share edit thank you all for the sweet tender juicy Karma you honor me greatly I can almost definitely guarantee I'm going to screw it up thank you all the same marine boot camp we had the guy that somehow got his watch through the in dock they take all your crap when you first get there well the D eyes found out he had it when they saw him wearing it one day so they put him in the squad bay trashcan and put the lid on it every time they walked by and kicked it he'd pop out with his watch and yell sir the time on deck is zero 9:45 and then go back into his can like the freakin Grouch from Sesame Street it was really really hard not to laugh at that edit thanks for the gold kind stranger a fellow Lance Corporal at the time let out his knees huge snot rocket pops out and lands on his cheek I mean just one beast of a thing my sergeant standing in front of him talking to him while this happened let out of what the f ck you nasty [ __ ] put it back and right back up it went funniest T I have seen edit gold you sir or madam must be confused now notice that spider on the wall behind you pockets and and run thanks seen a guy on a full body waiver for exercises the instructor gave him 1000 smiley brownies smile then frown is one the hardest easiest exercise ever edit for those who don't know a full-body waver is something to the degree of cannot lift objects no walking for more than 200 meters in one setting no strenuous activities etc basically making all normal physical activities out of the question I wrote a bad check while stationed in Korea $2.00 it is way you squat down like you're sitting in a chair and hold a shovel out in front of you in the air like a fishing pole then you just sit there for a long time and if the shovel would start to droop down my sergeant would grab the tip of the shovel and starts to shake it and make me pretend I was reeling in the big one one time me and a buddy got in trouble together so they made him fish and me flop around on the deck like a fishing he had already caught for almost an hour one of my friends from my first base and I was swapping basic stories and I think he had the scariest on the first day of third week they hadn't performed up to standards and the MT I told them he'd be staying late that night to try to fix them the MT I calls his wife to let her know he'd miss dinner and would be home late and she blew the [ __ ] up she was screaming at the MTR about how he's just using his job as an excuse how he doesn't even care about her and while all this is going on the MTI is just pleading with her she hangs up on him and the MTR looks at the flight with this expression of cold head and says he was going to his office for minutes to think of an appropriate way to punish the flight for their [ __ ] basic training is a lot of talk the MT I scan PT you until your body gives out and scream at you but they can't actually hurt you in that moment though as the room waited for the MTI to come back they weren't so sure that would be the case he was going to make them pay and my friend said that was the only time in basic he felt true here it turns out it was all an act the MT I had had that genuinely happened during a previous flight and it had terrified them into compliance so well he got his wife to pull it off every flight afterwards USMC boat one kid on far watch failed to notice the DI coming on deck which means you immediately salute and report your post so the DI ran up to the rifle rack smacked it and yelled BAM you're dead he tried to respond but was cut off by the DI you're a ghost now you can't talk go act like a ghost double-quote then the kid had to wander around the squad Bay for the rest of his two hours fire Walsh acting like a ghost and he took that responsibility with a stride plenty of ridiculous so where where where where where why am a ghost noises and f king with people's racks we were all laughing our asses off for the next hour till our senior got pissed edit acting like a boat we were deployed in Iraq and a guy was pissing in water bottles instead of walking to the bathroom at night this is a common thing but this guy wasn't getting rid of the bottles he'd keep them underneath his cot for some reason when the first sergeant found this out he made the guy report to the commander while holding all of his piss bottles in a box in front of him they tore into this guy while he was holding a box of his own own urine officers can't punish soldiers with any punishment that doesn't follow guidelines that said they can be ordered some stupid things my friend got ordered to move a box weighing about 50 pounds from the barracks to the shower every two minutes for two hours the officers reason for it was because he didn't know where to put it and was trying to decide if it should be at the barracks or the shower in the end he ended up telling him to load it up in the truck a recruit in USMC boot camp thought he was special because he was an Eagle Scout the drill instructor picked up on this enduring PT took him into the woods and made him build a nest then he had to squat over it in order to keep his eggs warm week one in army basic training we had a soldier ask for an omelet in shell line which was not allowed because there was absolutely no time to make custom omelets for every single basic training soldier the cooks started making the omelet when a drill sergeant asked what the hell was going on the basic training soldier replied go around drill sergeant I'm waitin on an omelet needless to say this was the wrong thing to say and do week one in basic training our platoon motto was henceforth go around drill sergeants I'm waitin on an omelet and the basic training soldier was henceforth named Pvt omelette in basic when going to throw out some trash left my rifle which you are not supposed to do myself and two of my buddies had to hold on to our assault packs in one hand like a shield and long sticks in the other like a spear then we had to stack up in a line on a tree and push with our shields for five minutes with our spears raised yelling war Crees apparently the Spartans did the sport training and apparently if I don't have my rifle in a combat situation I will need to know how to do this my grandfather career vet had a story about a guy who kept getting things taken away from him as punishment apparently before it was over he had no socks or shoelaces no underwear and they took the inside part of his helmet another oldie but goodie is making a private hug a tree it all depends on how you take it some privates thought it was funny to have to hug a tree but for some reason some of them thought it was really embarrassing I once spent twelve hours cleaning screens on windows that doesn't sound bad does it try this find a small wire about the same gauge as the holes in your window screen gently push the wire though the hole in the screen to make sure that the hole is empty repeat for three minutes then look away from the screen anything weird with your eyes try it for hours had a guy in a warehouse drop a pallet load of assorted nuts and bolts off a forklift boxes broke open a 100 zero-zero-zero little nuts and bolts everywhere of various sizes he had to sweep them into a pile repair the boxes fit each nut to a screw to make sure of the size the pile was then inspected then he had to remove each nut from the screw and place the screw in the proper box then placed the nut in the proper box probably 25 or 50 per box I don't remember doesn't sound too bad right took 3 12 hours days he wasn't allowed to sit down he had to bend over at the waist pick up a tiny nut and screw straighten up screw them together then bend over for another more than 100 zero zero zero times think about it a private put his camo on looking like gene Simmons he had it on for an hour before the drill sergeant put him upside down in a tree shouting I'm a chameleon no one can see me military kid here watched my dad tell him a ream to paint rocks because the guy said that the motor pool looked like [ __ ] he spent six hours painting every rock white it rained that night and he had to start over the next day yeah my dad is a douche cake when I was a young privates in the infantry back in about 1993 I got in trouble for having a six-inch knife on my field gear knives of that size had to be stored in the arms room go figure I got a summarized article 15 basically a slap on the wrist which was seven days extra duty seven days confined to barracks the extra duty was cleaning up after the duty day mopping and waxing the floors taking out the trash from the admin offices etc confinements to the barracks was meant to be the harsh part but we lived in a semi remote area of post so a a FES opened a bar for the area in the basement of the barracks needless to say I spent my seven days confined to the barracks in the basement enjoying some frosty beverages dots and bar food to this day I still don't know if my commander at the time was stupid enough to not know that there was a bar in our basement or cool enough to not cars edit I just found him on Facebook and he did in fact cars a lot when we were heading to Iraq we had to pass through kuwait kuwait being the transient hub for soldiers heading to and leaving Iraq it is very chaotic as a result of jet lag in the chaotic nature of Kuwait my buddy had brought his weapon to the shower but forgot to grab it on his way back to the tent shortly after he left a sergeant came busting through the door to see him sitting on his cot messing around with his new video camera he had just purchased to bring on the deployment his punishment was to get up take his weapon and camera and go sit in the community shower area and make sure no one else leaves their weapon in the shower for the night so what you would see when you went to take off your clothes to get in the shower was a fully dressed guy with a video camera just sitting there looking at you I was a user firefighter ofng and stationed did not properly do checkouts on his vehicle and didn't make sure his water tank and seon tires on apparatus were good after downtime my far chief told him to Don his gear on and grab a big trash bag he made him stand on the flightline side of the fire station facing the tower and told him that the weather system was down and they needed him to stand there to get the directions of the wind he was there for two hours every time he put his hands down he would walked up to him and threatened to write him up and made up anafi army here whilst in Iraq guy in unit got in trouble and had to clean every port-a-john from the motor pool back to the tents that was a lot of latrines and you can't even imagine what an Iraqi port-a-john looks and smells like either way dude was puking and it took him about 11 hours dude was not a [ __ ] after that I always thought the basics were best like the duffel bag drag if you didn't lock your locker when you should have you had to pack all your gear into to duffles and carry them around all day or if you got caught fighting you had to hold hands with that person the rest of the day I use that one on my kids now we had a wave a soldier that couldn't be smoked via PT and couldn't stand for extended periods during work dude was a huge f ck stick always mouthing off and being lazy we had him sit in a camping chair and fill ten sandbags with a tablespoon not military personnel but told to me by someone who was guy had to dig a six feet deep hole and bury the newspaper that the co had just finished reading he digs the hole buries the newspaper and covers up the hole it takes basically all day he gets back to the CEO and tells him he has buried the newspaper like he asked the CEO then asks him what was the date on that newspaper he doesn't know so he has to go get the newspaper he buried and see what date it is reverie it and tell his company it was supposed to teach him the lesson of needing to pay attention to details I was at a Coast Guard base for an NJROTC joint service leadership training J SLT when some of us decided to ask a teacher about stories from his boot camp this is my favorite in the mess hall you aren't allowed to look out the windows so one of the recruits looks out a window and the CCC's him to punish him he had to stand at the window with his caps over his eyes like binoculars for the rest of chell with the CC randomly yelling shipmate what do you see double quote edit I see birds sir what kind seagulls sir come another edit you can't look out the windows because they don't want you to it's pretty damn hard when the main wall is all windows during an inspection in basic training a piece of lint was found in our dryer I ordered to handcuff the intruder and constructed a 10 facility where the intruder could be interrogated I was to have an in-depth report on who he was where he was from and what he was doing in the building chair force here I feel like the empty instructors get away with a lot of crap so while I'll share my favorite one from BMT every chair force personnel knows that BMT is a whole lot of folding clothes and making beds nothing more than that other than your occasional classes so one day while we were being really slow at making our beds the MTI got really pissed and started flipping lockers and bunks all over the dorm this motherf ker then proceeded to pick seven random numbers our numbers designated which trainee got punished and pulled us aside and said I expect each of your bunks to be made up in inspection order in 10 minutes in the shower DUT as he walked to the latrine he then said oh and bring your wet weather gear do you have any idea how f king hard it is to make a wrinkle-free bed with wet sheets - guys were grab-assing in formation we were downrange doing some field training exercises and our drill sergeant caught them he made them hold hands together all day also assigned them as battle buddies for the day so they had to go everywhere together he told them that any time another drill sergeant asked why the f ck they were holding hands they were only allowed to say one thing he told them to shout it because we love each other drill sergeant double quote an airman I know forgot we had to all come in on a Monday morning he was on swings and was still out of town he finally came in six hours later our sergeant told him to stand at attention and left to do something and completely forgot about him he stood at attention for two hours while another airman jokingly poked him with sticks a basic training story we were practicing taking apart and putting together our m16s we were instructed to not let any piece FanDuel on the ground or get lost especially the firing pin sure enough you hear the ringing of a firing pin that just hit the ground RTI comes run out that trainee had to lay on the ground in front of our ti every time a difference trainee walked by the trainee and the ground had to yell watch out I'm a firing pin for the next hour our ti called every trainee over one at a time not my story it was told to me by a Marine back in high school when I was in JROTC he said back when he was in bootcamp his group was told they were going to be watching a movie that day apparently someone in charge had said to give his group a break that day and they were to watch Full Metal Jacket the guy drill-sergeant I think he was who was telling them they were to watch the movie that day told them something around the lines of I don't know why they are giving you guys the right to watch a movie the Marines in the movie never get to watch one but orders are orders see you will watch this movie he then put everyone in formation ordered them into parade rest had one guy stand in front of formation and hold the VHS tape in front of him the drill sergeant then said the film says that it is 118 minutes long and so you will stand here and watch the movie for 118 minutes then he walked away and left the Marines they're all standing and staring at the VHS tape in the hands of the Marine assigned to hold it up for everyone to watch we had a private keep leaving his weapon unsecured in Iraq so his squad leader took the whole thing apart and gave him a scavenger hunt list of all the senior enlisted and COEs he could talk to about turning that particular component of his rifle back each and Co proceeded to smoke the living sh t out of him until he could put it all back together a married o5 in his 30s was caught having SX with an e 3 in her 20s on my ship Co sent her to another ship and made him call his wife to confess his infidelity this was in the middle of a deployment a junior marine failed to properly inventory our gear and got smart with his section chief when confronted section chief then takes him to parking lot and makes the young marine lay down on the handicapped parking stencil and mimic the shape I was in a school and rolled out late showed up to class late unshaven and with boots but no socks my instructor took notice and made me stand in the hallway and tell everyone that walked by that I was trying to grow a mustache and my feet stink for a good an hour USMC hair lots of stories but this happened to me and I thought it was funny I was in the Mojave Desert doing mock vehicle searches it was at least 118 degrees and our platoon sergeant told us that if you had any of the overheating symptoms to report them so I was feeling a little dizzy so I told him I needed to get off my feet for a bit no problem he said and sent me to a walled-off tent that the Navy docks set up to cool off a bit anyway as soon as I got in there the Navy Doc's asked me why I came in and I said I was a little dizzy and needed to sit down well they stripped me down naked threw me in a tub of ice and shoved a thermometer up my ass damn you Sgt coming out of px one day a soldier forgot to salute about a bar so the Lt went off screaming about proper military respect to officers and such this III is losing it about to cry this is in front of the PX visible to everyone so the Lt made the PFC salute and repeatedly until he was satisfied unfortunately a CSM was walking by who saw this happening he walked up to the PFC asked him what he did wrong after a very brief explanation he asked the LT why after everything he just said about military respects and such he didn't return any of the PFC salutes CSM made them both stand there saluting each other until he finished shopping this guy in boot camp wasn't yelling loud enough for the drill instructors so they made him stick his head inside one of those orange Ziggler coolers and scream volume where you had volume for what seemed like three hours I was laughing so hard on the inside because laughing on the outside is bad news I remember when I was in a i.t I watched a guy have to play Superman I was a ninety two are in the US Army parachute rigger while in rigor school we were learning to pack personnel parachutes in this guy forgot to clip the chutes risers to the pack tray and told the instructor he was done with this step of class the instructor came over inspected his work and started talking to him like he was Superman this guy was confused for a couple seconds until he looked down and realized what he did wrong so our instructor figured muscle memory with a way to go and made him put the parachute harness on - the chute and run all over the pack shed with his arms out like he was flying shouting I am Superman I don't need a parachute for a good solid 20 minutes pretty funny and distracting boot camp guy throws up di sees vomit tells recruit to get rid of set vomit recruit starts digging know says di put it in your pocket says di recruit puts vomit in pockets training continues my first sergeant made us wax a sidewalk once it took us several days to build the wax up and there was sand and dead grass and tea stuck in it but we finally managed to get it to shine he immediately told us we were stupid and that a waxed sidewalk was dangerous then made us go and get wire brushes and remove all the wax by hand and broom scrubbing it with the wire brushes buddy of Mines brother sent him a letter from basic bragging about how much easier his basic training was compared to when my buddy went through so knowing he would have to open it in front of the drill instructors he sent him a care package which included one of those novelty inflatable sx sheep a week or so later my friend got back a profanity filled letter saying that he was now the joke of his basic class the drill instructors saw the Sheep and apparently made him keep it as a pet they gave him a water bowl to keep by his bunk gave him a collar and leash and made him take it for a walks etc a guy I know was at basic training for the British army rifles and he falls asleep while supposed to be doing blocked jobs the sergeant catches him and hands him a large sack of coal then orders him to get a pot of white paint and paint the coal after around three hours of paintings said Col the sergeant wanders back over and says your stupid bastard coals supposed to be black painted black double-quote USMC the SDL I made this one recruit Paris Island who was always the f ck up sit in front of a mirror for hours he had to first point at himself and say I'm X X X X and I'm the most stupid marine in the platoon end point of the mirror and say no you're X X X X and you're the most stupid marine in the platoon . . in basic training a friend stepped on and killed a bug the drill sergeant then made him dig a human-sized grave and bury the block sellers to teach him that taking a life is serious business and for it not to be taken lightly to show there our physical mental effects of doing such a basic wall outside the PX waiting for haircuts another private pointed out a squirrel in the parking lot one of the drills looks at him and says well don't just stand there Dumba's chase the [ __ ] hilarity ensued Navy here while stationed in Pensacola for training I was walking past the mega building basically a huge schoolhouse with several airplane hangars on my way to the commissary to get lunch in the distance ahead of me I can see a group of officer candidates marching in formation and one the drill instructors starts running towards me I have a minor panic attack as I am relatively new to the Navy myself the D I which was a gunnery sergeant told me to salute the oncoming group to which I explained that I am and civilian clothes and cannot salute the Gunny tells me he knows and immediately I catch his drift as I walk by I salute and several people salute me back in exception of the parade leader no one in formation should salute the D I immediately started yelling at there's poor souls and later in the day I see those same guys saluting everything they had to salute and greet trees and skills good morning mr tree good morning mr squirrel hannah outdoing company live fires a brand new private went into the MRE box and rat f ked dug through all the selections to find his favorite before the rest of his platoon he got himself a nice spaghetti and meat sauce his sgt team leader sees us and makes the private dumped out the MRE into a specified exercise for each and every separate item in the ration including all the little salt packets and condiments and can only stop that exercise once his team leader finishes reading off the ingredients and nutrition facts so much sweat in boot camp a recruit whispered to another recruit wouldn't it be nice to get in the showers with Petty Officer insert our female Petty Officers name here only he didn't whisper quiet enough and she heard him the whole division has to go into the showers and do push-ups in freezing cold water with her standing and they're asking if we liked showering with her this whole f king threat has simultaneously made me regret never joining the military and also immensely thankful that I never joined the military my dad was in the Coast Guard one day he didn't have time to shave and was forced to skip all day singing this is how I shaved my face I remember when in boot camp some guy shot his rifle when there was a no fire order during an exercise his punishment was to go search for the bullet until he found it my father who went on to become a drill instructor was ordered to do mountain climbers indefinitely his superior walked off knowing that this particular marine would continue his exercise unabated however after about 15 minutes my father stops D I comes out and says emitted why the hell did you stop climbing that mountain double quote sir I made it to the top sir double quote flabbergasted the D I just looks at him and says well start climbing your ass back down and walks off about five minutes goes by this time and my dad ends is exercising in the D I comes back out and says emitted the f ck are you doing it's only been five minutes double quote sir it's faster going down sir double quote I don't know how he was punished for this but he probably ran suicides until he puked or something in coastguard boot camp the ce o--'s would make kids sound the foghorn as they were marching around if it got real foggy out every five minutes or so you just hear a kid do his best impression for some reason my family thought it would be a good idea to send me candy on Halloween while I was still in boot camp every night from then on I would do wall sits while having miniature Hershey bars pelted at my head from his office [Music]

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Id: WpzNLlb91bI

Length: 32min 17sec (1937 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 25 2020