Clips You’ve NEVER SEEN Before From The Graham Norton Show | Part Eight

the other big hollywood news is your stand-up tour in almost like it's a movie in itself is now being turned into a sitcom yeah i did i did the stand-up show in america and some hbo which is a tv network over there came up and said you know what do you think about doing it as a sitcom and my stand-up show was about my failure to to find a wife and general pathetic life as a loser and uh and they thought yeah we want this on tv um and so that's what we're doing is they're not gonna come a huge dilemma though when they say to you we want to turn this into a you know six parts you know like masters and masters of series that if you find a wife in that time you ruin your career yeah he'll keep her in a bunker sort of where he already does keem her no it's it isn't yeah you're right well i mean it's not a it's not a documentary so i could theoretically be married and still be acting the role it's going to ruin your jam though much if you do get married thank you you're just wishing on me a deep and miserable lonely life just so the laughs is one of the episodes gonna feature that sort of hideous wedding experience you have it is it is we uh yeah i i mean i thought i'd met this woman of my dreams at this wedding i was at a wedding and you know you get stuck sometimes on a table with people that you that you don't know there was a girl opposite and she was dynamite and we hit it off but i was stuck next to this couple olly and lisa and they had this kid this toddler in a high chair just sat there like that just bashing this big bread sticks and stuff and um and the mother wouldn't recommend if you just kept going what's he like what's he like and she was exhausting and she she would just dominate the table with these stories you know those people just they're not really stories it was it was all that here's one for you um went to the i went to the um i went up the um um the um the uh no no no no no the um the um supermarket i went to the supermarket did a big uh did a big um shot i did a shot and then i got back to the checkout and i'd forgotten my purse and i had to go home for it honestly i was thinking if if if that story was making its way out of my brain towards my mouth another part of my brain would have stepped in and gone where the hell are you going this is a wedding i don't know where this is this is just some [ __ ] and she's wearing on and then her husband who's quite a posh bloke pipes up and he goes um i recognize you where do i recognize you from and i was trying to impress this girl so i said oh i did this tv show called the office and he went oh the office yeah i've seen the office yeah not my cup of tea i'll tell you where you're going wrong with the office he said not much story i'm thinking yeah because you know about stories because you're married to bloody charles dickens but that's not the reason i blew it with this girl i so this toddler is sat there the whole time right and we're having some soup and for no reason this kid just took his shoe off just lobbed it in the air for no reason it came flying down it landed in my suit just no one else is touched i'm covered in it and the mother lisa just went wassy like and i said he's like a [Applause] you've probably seen this harper's bazaar harbor's bizarre posh magazine news agency yeah there is a man at the back of it what would you like uh problems with our dude they're uh the most powerful women it's their 2009 list the most powerful women in british theater and look at this picture how fabulous do you look there that was one of the funniest 10-minute photo shoots i've ever had in my life that only took 10 minutes it felt like i literally had 10 minutes to run into and we was like stand like standing like this that was me the whole time the wind was blowing the lights the everything and we had to like go so yes yes she's so beautiful isn't she you've got you both are absolutely gorgeous completely manufactured that it's all posted it's not post-production but with the iphoto no you know photoshop that's what it is because in the research you know so they did the research the research that you did before i came on well that somebody did yes and uh you know and it's got the it's got the lists of kind of various things and it's got you know most powerful woman in theater harper's bazaar and then further down the list this this is like how your life has changed previously on out magazines list of celebrities who people would like most like to drink their bath water yes my heart you were quite high up on that list i know i think i was number one no you number one number one yes so what is it that you put in your bath that makes it so attractive it's just me and all my oils oozing all over the place who the hell was number two [Music] oh come on that's delicious i pay a lot of money for that and when you do when you do um a theater when you do do plays do you get the kind of the science fictiony people coming yes yes which is good i suppose because they're exposed to a play they wouldn't have seen that's true yeah i mean they're all like that i don't believe the x-files existed i think it's a massive conspiracy to uh to keep nerds at their computers no i don't really i don't i don't really fall for any of the kind of conspiracy stuff i don't believe in in any of that all that moon landings never happened kind of conspiracy you know 28 of americans don't think the moon landings happened in fact you don't think the moonlight has happened i'm sorry if you could do that in 1969 yeah like we can't do anything now which i mean it's like i'm still changing hoover bags in 2009 as soon as we can get to the moon we'll find all these amazing devices graham will be able to make a phone call when you as a child you assumed that things would be better now like we live in the future but yes are we always told that at any point about 30 years from from wherever you're talking you're going to have jet packs yeah yeah and there'll be a monorail playing cards where are they tomorrow's world where are we i'm still sat here why why isn't graham having to talk to me up there yeah as i float about the place that's an interesting question traffic why do we even have legs still why haven't we evolved that's why i think maybe things like that those conspiracy things might be true i don't know anyway look the reason why i'm talking about hang on because your toast is not good enough people didn't go to the moon toasters are getting worse [Applause] they are they used to be great when i was a kid now too many settings it's either burnt or raw [Applause] one of the great things about toast is it can be eaten raw with no harmful effects it's not the same though anywho rant over what we did is we uh asked the audience uh what sort of presence they got and uh some people in fairness they didn't get well they didn't get great presents i've got some of them here now where's uh fabian fabian devoe now this fabian oh hello all right no somebody gave you that is that true you gave me this my ex your ex gave you this yeah now do you have a dog no so how did he explain it uh well he said that at the time in the shop he said it was a lovely ball and that could have like my cereals in the morning is this some weird sex game you supposed to wear a collar at the same time so how did you react do you open a dog bowl what do you do you go oh i love dog place how did you react were you positive did you slap him in face i'll tell you what do you see what do you see do you see a dog i am not a thong i am a man i am a man who dries his hair from one side [Applause] it's beautiful it's beautiful and now this this is really pissed but this is this is what you're talking about oh i love it mango and papaya [Applause] oh i've often haven't i joke haven't i opened the phone and yeah so often mango on its own so isolated i see mango i want union i have it isn't that lovely now who got this oh you there lovely lady now who gave it to you first of all my husband you you're still together just and why was it a particularly bad gift i'm allergic to shower gel did he know you were allergic yeah i think you've been together 21 years old do you swell up or something amusing when you children i go red and scratch that's funny enough i'd give a shout out game for a laugh it's lovely but presumably better presents now sir not really no no uh travel naughts and cross east last year and sorry travel norton yet you've given someone a pad and a pen and you've gone traveled [Music] that is lovely i stand correct yeah would you like it no you brought it out with you tonight i love it yes any kind of travel at all are we off darling let me fetch my travel knots these lights seem to be taking quite a long time fancy a quick game of travel quick we're on amber i win oh very exciting look i don't know who got this but nick look i found you a cat this was yours brilliant well i'll give that to nick nick you hold on to that so uh you've got it when the butt when the motorbike arrives okay there you go nick okay handy trainers they'll come off nice and quick okay so you've got a cat now uh who else have i got uh right now very quickly we got an email from someone uh with this picture and i think it's let's look at the picture this is this is the gif this is kelly oh no now is kelly kelly's here there's kelly hello where's kelly i love getting looking at her hands like like you've never seen that picture before in your life so your husband your husband bought you that outfit thinking you'd like it i think kelly's face says it all in the picture really because it's as if so you went into a shop and said i'd like something suitable for my wife to be buried in what what is it is it's a must be pajamas yes did you think they were gonna be sexy not at all no at least it does say angel on the tits so it's like it's it's sort of it's sort of nice going on a winter holiday you know it was cold i don't think anyone's that cold unless you're at six months old so did you have to open it up pretend to be pleased no i did not pretend to be pleased well listen sir you're obviously uh not very good at choosing good presence right so i thought i'd give you some experience of a good present would you would you help me test a good present sir sure what's your name neil neil okay what it is somebody sent me uh this phone right and they make extravagant claims about it so now is it on no just check that it's on yes it is on so if you take this take this take this phone okay they claim right this phone will uh operate uh under extreme thermal condition so it's very cold outside two degrees having just been there very good so if you follow the camera there i'll ring you as you're walking and then we'll see if it's still working when you're outside in the cold all right so uh now have i got the number for that phone i hope i do six six seven two okay it's calling it's freezing it's ringing hello brian oh hello neil i'm here okay you keep keep walking to you outside now can you still can you still hear me i can still hear you okay stop around now um neil that's very good so with it's a solemn xp3 enduro apparently it's the world's toughest phone and it's not just thermal conditions they they say um it it i mean they make other claims for the phone it says here uh neil that it's a water and liquid proof uh yeah okay i guess [Applause] it's also just micro particle proof [Applause] can you hear me now i can't see anything i can hear you and uh lastly it is uh really resistant to shock and impact neal can you hear me now kelly enjoyed it you

Channel: The Graham Norton Show

Views: 926,622

Rating: 4.9157052 out of 5

Keywords: Graham Norton, The Graham Norton Show, Graham Norton Funniest Moments, Graham Norton Funny, Graham Norton 2019, Graham Norton new series, Graham Norton best moments, stephen merchant, stephen merchant graham norton, gillian anderson, gillian anderson graham norton, michael mcintyre, michael mcintyre graham norton, Chris Addison graham norton, graham norton rare interviews, graham norton show never seen before, graham norton show rare, graham norton old interviews

Id: AsxTLidndGQ

Length: 15min 28sec (928 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 30 2020