FUNNY TEXT MESSAGES

waifu dude it's freaking free am nice meme hey what's up cuties my name's fainted and today we're gonna be taking a look at some funny text messages subscribe right now for a literal free loaf of bread very very legit not a scam hey guess what um what i have a girlfriend wow good for you who's the lucky girl her name was emma who's emma imagination yes so funny like him just crying down there oh no this dude on facebook with a drawn profile picture and talking about having a gf called imagination can we please get 10 likes for this poor guy look at the tears me as a wife look i got us a puppy uh you literally went out to get milk but he's so cute we have 20 free dogs yeah man you need to divorce this woman hi crush i have bf well i'm rich pf equals breakfast no my name is rich yeah you definitely got blocked after that so cringe also guys i said this before but please don't message people you fancy saying hi crush hi um is this eric who is this this is natalie from the grocery store i got your number from the cashier when you tried to ask out last month well that's a little weird but shoot your shot i guess i'm not flirting with you we have you on video eating 420 worth of unpaid slim jims nice so you still want to go out eric you be wild in chief he goes in the store not only does he try to ask out the cashier because he's that much of a chad but he also eats oh like almost 500 worth of slim gyms and doesn't pay for it this guy is defeating capitalism did you go to the liquid zoo where you can walk inside you mean aquarium yes it's a freaking aquarium not a liquid zoo bro you should just ask your parents can we go to the liquid too mom see what she says slow claps dude why is there a crack on my phone uh you got drunk last night and through it why you turned on airplane mode and kept yelling fly damn you and no one stopped me we were too busy laughing our asses off as you can see his phone's just been wrecked yeah this is definitely some kid who like has millionaire parents yeah funny meme guys let me just throw my 1 000 freaking phone across the room message to valerie hey you want to see a movie sometime and then she screenshots the message and says this this guy is so freaking annoying and weird i don't like him oh frick nah it's cool lol oh that is that is painful you can see the pain in that skull emoji poor guy really just got screenshoted and was about to get destroyed in the girls group chat but she then sent it to him instead oh poor guy sorry honey your grandpa died low mom do you know what lol means yes lots of love mom google it tina call me now no i don't want to talk please it's argentina what it's argentina freaking funny guy hello tell me something that will make me wet go outside it's raining try again uh don't use an umbrella i'm not sure this guy's getting the uh the message here she wanted you to get a little saucy that looks like the winner was you're aiding and abetting a russian mafia when you share flopper memes excellent it's what flopper would want bro this was a text for this dude's mom what the frick your kid is in my yard again come on this again he's not wearing any pets and he's chasing my dog boys will be boys yeah but yours is 24 and drunk proud moment message from taylor's hot friend you didn't like my post yesterday um what on instagram what in the actual frick is happening right now whatever and now you're liking every picture i've ever posted okay we get it douchebag not what i meant yeah i want to make sure i never receive a text this freaking stupid ever again hey uh if you want informed by mike it's mining christian's wedding next month if you're buying us gifts the requirement is to buy us gifts above 250 dollars for either me or christian wait so what you're saying is that you want something over two hundred and fifty dollars uh yeah well then don't expect me coming we have beer cocktails cake well then you're losing because we have so much people here they've confirmed okay that's really weird basically being like oh you can only come to my wedding if you pay 250 dollars bro what is this the club baby i need help yes tell me you good at computers right my laptop's going crazy can you help fix it uh which brand d y huh why did you buy that i never heard before i bought it online it's called die baby take a pic of logo and send oh that's brilliant dude got the freaking hp logo the wrong way around oh my i love you i need space i love you i need more space i love you we bought a computer from you yesterday it won't turn on okay press the big button i have then try the code at the back maybe it's disconnected i'll get a flashlight he'll go away i'll be fast why do you need a flashlight it's dark we have no electricity maybe that's why your pc is not working chief message to crush hey hey iguana what's iguana can i do on a date with you oh that's smart but no i don't think we'll ever see anyone who saved their contact as crush successfully going on a date with a woman in their life i have to be honest i've been cheating on you okay huh are you okay with that i just told you i cheated on you wait joseph i thought i was texting joe who's joe joe mama wow that is a great way to handle being cheated on it's the inside that matters not outside really give me an example refrigerator makes sense epic without you 60 minutes feels like an hour oh baby really i love you so much dude that is just so epic when she is mad are you still mad at me twinkle twinkle little star uh how i wonder what you are wish i could hit you with my car okay you're still mad ouch if i said i love you would you say it back of course i love you it's back ouch yo house roof not sure i broke up with her last month oh no you're so ruthless and how long have you been waiting to use that uh i'd rather not say bro imagine you just broke up with the love of your life ruth and then one of your homies sent you this message where is the sympathy i want to learn french it sounds romantic as frick yes it is and i know french oh that's sweet flirt with me in french then omelette du fromage omg i love you too what does that even mean bro i got an e grade in my french gcse bro like i don't know what that says but i'ma guess it's not saying i love you hey girl do you like trees because if a cat if a cat got stuck in a tree like in the tree hmm if you were a cat stuck in a tree you'd be a cat i forgot the pickup line what's your dumbest joke i wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colorblind it really came out of the purple ha ha i have a pretty solid joke too so i'll be honest your kids are going to be so cute and funny but drop the why uh they'll be fun omg i finally got the joke i'm i'm still waiting to understand this your kids will be cute and fun the best part of matching with a girl so far out of my league is that they never respond so i can stick us in the messages shopping list bread milk butter bananas oranges apples email password change simba 77 door passcode 1803492 meanwhile crystal never replies what do you think is your best thought take mine is that wine and cheese is just lunchables for adults my biggest hot take is that hot takes are just opinions that are in no way radical or revolutionary but just a way to say i have a strong opinion about things that no one cares about oh damn that was deep sorry my bull must have just rolled into your messages kick the bat you're welcome ah i think you gave me a concussion i'm gonna need your contact info for insurance purposes wow level 100 iq guys i'm a big fan of your hair coincidentally i'm also a big fan of your hair damn we should get married okay i'll start planning the wedding you're very handsome well that's kind of you i think you're pretty gorgeous yourself ah what are you up to this evening just sitting at my friend's house how about you where do you live blank and that's fun might rather be getting destroyed by you whoa girl thirsty the one thing that you should know about me is i'm obsessed with google calendar mine is color coded and in some dude replies saying i bet mine has more colors than yours i highly doubt that i counted 13 colors on my calendar how about you oh my gosh i might as well just delete google calendar now i've been beaten in my own game i don't know that just means you need more special events on your calendar then you can color code for example you could put a brunch date with me next weekend on there aha smooth baby send me a spongebob quote if you're real uh you can just ask me for pictures you know do i look like fake to you then i'm fake bye damn which episode of spongebob is that quote from haha well how do you feel about a bold girl lol i'm not sure depends on the girl are you bold i'm currently yeah i'd love to see how it looks that's gotta be a huge burden of your shoulders no pun intended no more worries about messy hair days haha i mean it's not good for a reason i have cancer it's not totally off yet i'm waiting to get it shaved but yeah it's a lot easier oh wow all right a message from dick cheney on facebook seems legit mate hey are you legal do you have your papers no habla english you're getting deported oh dear something quite odd about having dick cheney on facebook very like how how do you have this guy's your facebook friend hey dad i just got a girlfriend and she's pregnant what's the matter with you are you proud when you get home you're in so much freaking trouble your mother already knows and she's devastated who's this you idiot dad i meant perfect not pregnant i'm so sorry it's this damn phone also corrected me oh oh gosh you just made me piss my pants son i broke your laptop what the frick dad wow you've been done savage by ulta correct bro he meant to just say hey dad i got a girlfriend and she's perfect instead says pregnant and now his msi gaming laptop was five thousand dollars has been destroyed can we get two likes guys after a time someone asked how much will a brain cost the doctor quickly responded five thousand dollars for a male brain two hundred dollars for a female brain take from this what you will but this is the top google result this truly says a lot about our society i'm mostly about them lungs you can sell them each for like eight hundred thousand it's really free money i mean you don't need two right i know right i'm becoming a millionaire for selling both my lungs apparently i saw my brain too after all those spelling mistakes ah just by an eye and lung with the money and boom you can breathe and have loads of cash those are cheap right with a good price i can buy two lungs and still have a mill i'm actually like so curious where his study came from that is five thousand dollars for a male brain but two hundred dollars for a female bro this is disgraceful sister lists up some free shelves on the facebook marketplace and uh says currently still available first come first serve and this bad guy goes where are you located in oregon near maumee base date park is that all you got was just them shelves kind of far for a couple of shelves if you know what i mean if you got a couple more things that'd be cool bro's really just been offered some shelves for free free of charge and he's like yo you got anything else man like come on this this ain't worth it that's unbelievable bro like you're literally getting them for free oh man what's good you're tattoo fire but you could really use more followers i'm an up and coming influencer model and i'd be willing to clap and shout you out on my insta and get you tons of exposure in trade for some ink i want two arm sleeves but we can discuss that later let me know lol okay exposure doesn't pay the bills my guy i tattoo plenty of people with more reach and influence than you and they don't ask for free stuff also you've got less than one-fifth of the followers i do how about you do some free stuff for me in exchange for exposure let me know and uh of course got left on red if somebody calls themself an up-and-coming influence so like you just gotta hit the block button right there and then yo man i'm a freaking influencer i got like 200 followers on facebook do you want to give me a free meal or a free house while you're at it uh and a free boat as well hey you want to play hide and seek sure why not i'll play actually never mind i'm pretty sure i'll lose girl like you is hard to find damn i don't have any pickup lines but i've definitely been picked up dude this guy is so smooth never end a conversation with a fight say goodbye say i love you never end the conversation with a fight where is this coming from i was just in starbucks and saw a little girl crying she was cute she had her hair braided and was wearing cute boots i asked her if she wanted a drink she ordered a vanilla bean frappe and her tears slowed but didn't stop i asked why she was crying she explained to me that her and her father got into a fight that morning because she wouldn't wake up for school and was going to be late before he left he said i love you lily and she screamed back i hate you well when he drove away that morning and pulled out of the driveway the last words she said to him were i hate you he was on sunrise highway and got hit by a drug driver and died and that morning was the last time she saw her father oh wow this is supposed to be a funny text video not not a text video that makes you cry sorry guys but yeah um this is actually very philosophical girl i just saw your man walking around the mall with a fed but i'ma follow them around to see what they be doing i got you bruh i'm walking with my man at the mall girl we need to go to the gym so can we talk talk about what us why you want to talk about the united states funny guy hey dad i just caught ligma good i hope it kills you you know how much money i spent on you and your ungrateful ass i spend hundreds of dollars on you and all you do is complain i wanna die you know what i hope you freaking die lick my balls got him well at least your father didn't leave to get the milk and never come back next up we got a message from michael jackson hey it's michael jackson i'm messaging you from a private account i'm not really dead can you cash out me six hundred dollars so i can come back to the united states and put out more music wow this is definitely the real michael jackson guys i mean just look at the instagram name the real michael jackson one one one one dude's even got 59 followers uh yesterday didn't go as anticipated huh honestly the fact that you were 30 minutes late and so hungover that you were struggling to form sentences should have warranted an apology on your behalf instead you said 30 minutes wasn't that bad which says so much about your character you then continued to spend the rest of the time at the park asking me questions where you interrupted me or directly said you did not agree or did not care you spent most of the time talking about yourself and how great your life is and got offended if i did not wholeheartedly agree i could not say anything for most of the conversation because i knew you'd interrupt me or start an argument i told you that my sister was in the er and you were more engrossed in looking at the sumac bush you then spent the last two minutes basically telling me that i didn't know how to hold a conversation and nobody has ever disagreed with me before and i didn't know how to handle it this is your best step forward for a date you should be embarrassed what is the point of being on this app if this is how you act you've hit a record for how douchey a date could go and i don't know if anyone could make one worse outside of assaulting me and i know what you'll say i totally misinterpreted everything and i've got it all wrong honey you consistently had these issues with me and other people it's not me it's 100 you it hurts me to think that you might waste other people's time the way you wasted mine get off this app and go seek some help look mal i'm not gonna even try and reload that i asked a close-ended question which warranted a close-ended response but just by reading the last of that last message all i have to say is you do not tell a grown mother freaking person what to do take your little goofy bad skin socially awkward know-it-all ass on somewhere i don't have to do a damn thing now you have a good one goofy ass bruh learn how to talk to people i know that you don't know every damn thing you freaking ass swipe i do just fine without your negative ass and please don't reply and then they replied with a bunch of clown emojis but you're really not my type though so that's why i didn't give a freak i was so over that whole horrible experience with you unless she went on a real date right after i left that goofy lame ass park but goodbye though what the frick happened bro what the frick these guys had one of the most disastrous dates by the sound of things out here and i love how this guy managed to get himself onto another date like immediately after seems legit bro my cat died oh no condense is it condensed condiments frick anyway rip that [ __ ] yay what the frick when you can't spell condolences so you just say r.i.p that [ __ ] it's not the first time i've said that in my career son where are you i'm at a strip club mom what did you see anything you shouldn't have besides all the naked women yeah one thing let me guess your father no my sister did your parents teach you that you have to buy what you break um yes here's the full list of body parts and their cost heart 119 thousand dollars give me my money bruh damn bro like anyone who's got an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend in here they owe you money 119 000 yo and apparently you get paid 607 dollars for a scalp how do you even buy a scalp bro skull with teeth what the frick this is like the black market and yeah i do think you're real cute and real sweet too ah it's just that i prefer guys that are a bit taller but not maybe i won't want to hang out i mean we're like the same height haha i know but you know you're 23 and i'm 12. i might be taller than you soon aha but it don't matter anyways okay sad face oh i'm sorry it's not bad or anything you're still super sweet and you have a real nice body because you work out thanks i guess don't be like that listen how about we hang out again oh no bro i thought this was just gonna be the classic like oh this girl won't date me because uh not tall enough joke but then she was like i'm 12. oh chief that's bad stop texting 12 year olds guys but she honestly makes a good point like by the time she's 18 she's pregnant like five inches taller what's missing a e blank oh you i what's the opposite of hate love what's the opposite of me a successful person wow he thought he was going to get the i love you text nope anyways guys different video hope you enjoyed subscribe to the channel and click on the screen to check out another episode and yeah brofist

Channel: Fainted

Views: 503,641

Keywords: funny text messages, funniest text messages, funny, texts, chats, messages, text messages, funny texts, funniest texts, funny chats, text fails, best texts, fails, memes, fainted

Id: lCmTyapSO2A

Length: 20min 31sec (1231 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 03 2021