FUNNY CRUSH TEXTS

what do you do for work i'm in the air force um what's that it's an air conditioning company oh wow helps the cuties mine's fainted and today we're gonna be taking a look at the best and the worst of online dating subscribe right now and you will literally match with pewdiepie on tinder okay subscribe hey tell it to me straight did you swipe for me or the cow in my profile swipe for you but figured if you'd like the cow you'd like me that's a really good opener did you know in southern portions of africa there is a type of alligator that can jump higher than the average house um i did not this is due to its evolutionary powerful bag legs and the fact that the average house cannot jump also shout out to this person who literally has a mask covering their face and their tinder profile that's smart message from vianna hello hey hello howdy hello hola stop saying hi to and unmatch me because clearly you are too damn lazy and incapable of leading a conversation you lazy hello you definitely got blocked immediately after that i've never seen so many hellos just in like a such a short conversation this is dead how could you get a rude to someone you just matched on a dating app because they say hey back to you what hey sarah i hope you had a greatest weekend as i did hey there blank i've actually had a great weekend you know sometimes you actually have to read a full profile and you know that my name is not sarah before he tried to talk to me goodbye boy your profile literally just says hi i'm sarah lol but you do you what the heck you can see it clearly says her name is sarah you match with sarah are you out of your mind woman she's trolling me she's trolling i mean that's when you know like tinder's not going well for you you match with someone literally call them by their name on the profile and like that's not my name you pig the seafood does actually look good it is lamel definitely gotta try them out well i guess i don't cook for men oh wow that's that's just not [Music] why would you say that to someone before you're trying to get matches on this app ever since i first saw you i fell for you i think you're beautiful person inside out and when i talk to you it feels like a struggle not to look at your amazing eyes i love the way you smile the way you blush and i dream of holding hands of you and growing old till death do us part i know in my heart i want to be of you but i guess this is the closest i can get to being with you um ying do you take constructive criticism no sorry i only accept positive reinforcement oh man hey can you send me 20 bucks mal i'm stuck at a gas station cash up me now fat okay it actually spelt now incorrect as well which makes it even better what an opening where did you go tell me what is your favorite type of food um i hate plain food i like fruits and salads nice what about restaurants it depends i don't like to eat heavy and i don't drink too i don't drink either but i enjoyed to go eat in restaurants i also enjoyed to cook to me restaurants are boring i like jet ski some sport activities food is just food doesn't matter to me oh dear you matched with michelle what did the naked irish turtles say after a long night of drinking i don't know oh shh i lost michelle hey nora pretty name by the way i know this sounds crazy but i'm from the future i'm here to resolve an argument over where and when our first date was omg thank you so much you're so funny i say we went to a movie in garden city but you are convinced we rode the ferris wheel at two rivers um i don't think i've met you before oh well he tried i'm definitely close enough for a lunch date sometime who are you okay four screening questions one who did you vote for two are you vaccinated three what are you looking for four how tall are you oh gosh are you a brain tumor cause you're on my mind and it's killing me my cousin just died from one bruh i knew this would happen one day it's kind of like playing russian roulette what's good a non-standard compliment interesting question or something pickup line go yeah pick up line did you hear about that new glitch on spotify no yeah for some reason they don't have you listed as this week's hottest single ha ha i'm taken what are you doing on this app then mate yo i'm taking but i'm on a dating app yeah i swipe just to tell you how hot you are to be honest oh wow thank you so you weren't necessarily looking to do anything about it it's more like i think you're out of my league but i'm not too shy to tell you that well lucky for you i have a thing for fake girls this is why we listen to kobe and take shots oh bro what the frick you look like a baller daddy hands down the best compliment i've ever received what are you up to this weekend then prove it my venmo is at blank yo did you get it funny not as funny as begging strangers for money on bumble and uh apparently he sent her a 50 request oh that's so cringe mate like please go out and get employed mate stop asking people for money on dating apps it's just ridiculous he got a cold shower oof that was a bad one i love it hello what'd you call a man with a car on his head tell me you call him an ambulance how do you call her blonde um how and then she sends him her number it's too easy baby i kind of like your bald head easily the best message i've ever got and i kind of like that you have hair so this head is all yours oh no we can't read that roses are red violets are blue how'd i get lucky in match with you daisies are white tulips are pink maybe someday i could buy you a drink oh you're so sweet i would love that i'm gonna have to tell you though uh that it's going to have to be a soda because i can't go into a bar sadly oh damn i forgot that you're still so young a soda works though i think soda usually goes good with dinner too so oh so now it's also dinner only seems natural might be weird if we went somewhere and i just bought you a soda fair enough i'd love to go to dinner with you and then they send them through their phone man i i'm just gonna assume this is americans bro when you guys can't even go to the bar or like the pub to your 21. oh that's a rip you match for a grown 20 year old woman and it's like i gotta buy you a lemonade babes um what's something that helps you relieve stress um what do you do for a living i'm a software developer what about you how much income do you make a year wow like this person's asking the important questions out here bro clearly so interested in this guy definitely not just only looking for money hey hey arthur haha funny meme okay bye no i'm sorry haha off is a cute name smd freaking tinder gifts bro do you have any legos or should i bring mine try not to vomit but i have mega bloks so yeah bring your legos okay i'll bring them okay cool i just have gi joes and i have all the seasons of spongebob yay we should also play doctor because i'm sure you're giving me some hard problems yeah i think that's a good idea then couldn't have that they're good heart problems though well i have to take my shirt off most definitely oh my days man hey madeline i'm not usually just straightforward and i don't mean to be rude but we should hook up hello ken sorry but you just freaked my friend but i'm still up for a frick if you are winky face oh my gosh who is this little slayer bro he's taking the whole village out i want to paint you green and spank you like a disobedient avocado it's tyler blake wow and it says we've detected potentially inappropriate language do any of the messages above bother you oh no what a interesting first line no you're not rapunzel but i still really want to pull your hair hey princess what you been up to this weekend i would throw myself into a wood chip i said i'll get recycled into toilet paper just to slide in between then cheeks okay buddy a little bit weird i'm not sure this is the best sabling line but i mean it has a sincere compliment you kind of remind me of dwight schrute i've got to admit that does hurt my feelings a little bit fortunately my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man also i probably said this bloat's name wrong i mean who has a surname sh what is this can i bribe you with oversized hoodies yes send them over how many oh what am i gonna wear my legs around you okay okay okay yeah she shouldn't be called cursed she should be called first sorry i had to do it to him boom hit me with a pick-up line it's the rules now hmm what's your favorite insect mine are the butterflies you give me damn this guys smooth hitting them with the uno cards so samantha person sends through a little dog emoji and says dang it fito i told you not to pull sorry of him jumping on you and he's running like a wild bra to you he's just trained to go after the man of my dreams and he found you so i guess this is the point where i introduced myself or i guess shoot my shot okay this is the aaa introduction on myself hi i'm samantha being heist man from the same time i'm almost 30. yay go me i have one son who i swear i should have swallowed some days but he's the life of my world when he's not being a douchebag lol or [ __ ] but if you want to know more just hit me up sorry about the novel lol jeez bro i've seen dude send through some pretty poor openings but like dude he's sending a whole paragraph chief damn i hope her son doesn't read this well you're a babe damn you must be seeing your reflection on your phone screen oh smoove so what your three favorite things you look for in a guy hmm someone with goals and a good head on their shoulders someone who knows how to treat people and is kind respectful just has a good heart and someone who can make me laugh well that's six things but lucky for you i'm not on here looking for someone who's good at math and if you can't tell the difference between three and six then my peepee is perfect for you oh man have you ever wished your man came with a mute button look no further i'm an expert in non-verbal communication and i'm an amazing listener will i tell you how pretty you are absolutely not but i'd love to buy you tacos and stare at you while gesturing wildly in an attempt to get my point across also a quick update i'm mute not deaf i can hear you just fine i wasn't always there not since in the incident but it's fine i'm fine chloe 19. yeah i'm addicted to crack s caring people responsibility affection crack kindness yep you just casually tried to slip in the crack again what is with you chloe so some dude who said he's five for seven match with this girl she says i'm tall dark and handsome what more could you need oh and i have great hair i'm six foot and i like both taller and shorter guys the confidence is attractive either way cancer sun gemini moon sagittarius rising if you're into that wow this must be the first girl i've ever seen on tinder who actually says they like shorter guys also you can see in her profile pictures she says she's six foot and she's also got heels on like damn if this 5 7 guy manages to get with her and they reproduce all of a sudden his family line's gonna go from five for seven to like six two at least level 100 iq play mate so it looks like this guy has a it's a penguin tattoo that says megan underneath and says hi is your name megan if yes well today is your lucky day here you have the chance to possibly meet your soul mate i had a mystic reading two years ago i was told my soul mate's name was megan so i took it upon myself to prepare for the future and start the crazy adventure to find her disclaimer larger megan's need not apply thanks bro i i don't think you're in a position to be uh having those kind of um requirements considering you have a literal tattoo of a woman you don't even know yet on your wherever that is oh man so we've got someone's about page here socially awkward mum of one i like to think i'm funny i'm probably not can't sing but well anyway loudly and alone would love to play the guitar but my fingers say though talk to me about festivals music gigs marvel horror films true crime comedy need a gig buddy snap used to date john cena but he said i couldn't see him anymore oh that's sad imagine being broken up with johnny cena funny funny meme lexi 18. if you got your height in your bio you probably ugly typhoon free by the way oh wow self-destruction you might be as fine as frog's hair but if you can't hold a conversation we probably shouldn't have one make me laugh and i won't care how many teeth you have seriously though please have all your teeth whether i have a house or not if i date a woman with a house i become a man of the house and she will listen to me or she can get out i got a b plus in human sexuality in college so let's just say i know my way around uh x poly scribble notes clibberus boris brexit you match with a really hot girl she texts you first telling you you're cute damn she holds a conversation for hours complimenting you oh damn she unmatches you bruh the whole time you're probably talking to a 45 for a man let's be honest mate you have to lol maybe i could teach how to do the basics so anyways i'm assuming you are single that's why you're on a dating app right what are you looking for be honest i'd be down with that i've got some cooking skills but it's mostly out of necessity nothing too fancy honestly everything on the dating spectrum it really depends on the person and my chemistry of them if someone is interested in friends or benefits yeah this is cringe what am i reading are you french because i fell for you no but i'm a doctor so show me where it hurts if i show you where it hurts do you promise to kiss it and make it better sure that's my job sir hmm when can i book an appointment depends on how bad it is can't really tell i guess you gotta look at it personally where's the patient right now in the train driving back to his home in i don't know how to say that so a house visit it is wow easy dub looks like this girl's coming around his house well done mate skill jacob 23 looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don't know each other oh and of course he's gotta say six foot two all right bro we get it you're a chad shut up and also what is this picture on his profile like is that just like a picture of some ice oh yes sir that's gets that's every girl's dream the abominable snowman hey you're a computer science major right can you help me with this code i'm not getting any output for some reason slash the fine cute girl string samara defined coda guy string kyle public void get samara snap if kyle pick up line equals successful get pizza equals true return samara snapchat else kylie corsad unmatch equals true and then she sends through her snapchat i believe and says that might be the best pickup line i've gotten so far don't talk about might be that in that just has to be there's no way anyone else can come with a better pickup line than that like wow dudes out here writing an entire code for this woman these dating apps are just so extra bro like you could just walk over to a woman at a bar and say sup but instead we got dudes out here to writing code like damn she better be cute hannah 22 i have cancer so this [ __ ] is limited edition oh my gosh that's going to be out of stock real soon congrats no likes you ouch and this guy is it for the video click on the screen to watch more subscribe brofist and bro

Channel: Fainted

Views: 234,935

Rating: 4.9736271 out of 5

Keywords: funny crush texts, funniest crush texts, funniest texts ever, funny text messages, chats, crush texts, flirty texts, funny texts, texts, sms, messages, text fails, fails, memes, funny, text messages, fainted

Id: FS0TQ-1gFTo

Length: 15min 55sec (955 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 08 2021