FUNNIEST TEXTS EVER

can't text for long i'm grounded why what did you do i took one of the erasers that say for big mistakes and rubbed it all over my sister's face that's a lot of damage how's the cuties mine's fainted and today we're going to be taking a look at some funny text messages subscribe right now for a free glass of milk yes very legit what are you doing i have a boyfriend lamou okay thumbs up mine's bigger damn big flex big flex bro like her her boyfriend's gonna be jealous with that hey mom i'm going to live by myself great your bags are in the driveway the disrespect moms they just get us hey mom hey what you doing making money hello what you doing walking to my locker so texting me to look cool and avoid social contact yup yo but since when does texting make you look cool like if anyone looks cool it's your mum who's like just making money is pink pepper a lion say that again but slower i don't get he's the pink panther okay but is he a lion mack angel light of my life he's a panther is that a kind of lion no it's a freaking panther i just googled they are not pink and lions are what the frick bro you need to get this person on the nature watch channel mate david attenborough would be impressed with their knowledge of like animals out here dude it is pink pan for a lion what a question hi um hello can i ask something what's your favorite color stop asking me stupid questions asked me something logical and matured how many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8 milliliters of sulfuric acid at stp my favorite color is pink i mean you did ask for a logical and matured conversation mate and you can't even answer the simple freaking question bro like heisenberg would be disappointed this is simple chemistry man see you later love you kiss kiss kiss love you too babe it would mean a lot to me if you put some exes at the end of your replies yes kiss kiss okay love you too donna jackie charon becky yeah those are probably not the kind of x's that she wants to be seeing right now bro oof your gf gonna be big mad message to crush hey i finally gathered all my courage to say this so i'm just gonna say it i like you i like you a lot really are you kidding me oh um i'm sorry no wait i mean actually i've been liking you for a long time as well yeah this is cringe and fake bro we all know if you actually send a message like that to your crush you'd get blocked hey add why did the chicken cross the road i don't know why to get to the idiot's house i don't get it knock knock who's there the chicken listen here you little bro tyrannosaurus rex you gay no you reverse card skip card plus four plus eight that doesn't exist neither does your girlfriend freak you what the heck is this i'm looking at it's like some kind of gmail pop-up chat bro mama can i borrow six hundred dollars um no ah i will crush this bug then wow this guy is destructive hello i'm david i lost my id today near central park so you are dav now dev listen here you little hi boss um yes i'm pregnant um so i need a few days to leave now to discuss this with my boyfriend please approve my leave please first discuss this with my wife she read your first couple of messages and why can't you type all this in one message yeah she just sees like the little notifications hi boss i'm pregnant wow this guy's wife probably just left him right there hey this is laura we met again at robin and matt's wedding on saturday hey um i remember you don't remember giving you my number though what's up robin gave me your number afterwards she said you have a very nice house so i figured i'd give you a chance give me a chance to do what exactly to take me out i figured since you didn't ask me out you must have thought i would say no i date black men though plus i saw your car you tape black men lady get the frick on somewhere you are fat missing free teeth and you smelled like bacon the whole wedding don't text me again the audacity bro she saw this dude's 2002 nissan micro and was like screw i got a slide in the dms like who texts someone is like uh yeah i'm guessing the only reason you didn't ask me out is because you thought i would say no this broke my heart last night i hung out with some friends and cheated on you don't worry i did something worse what stayed home and trusted you wow guys this is so sad can we get 69 000 likes message to grandma man freak this i'm tired of your bruh i thought i trusted you but then you go and do that sleep with my girlfriend freak you oh grandma i'm so sorry i meant to send that to my friend breed his ass i'll get the crowbar i'll freak up the girl while you kill your friend grandma the cookies she's getting the crowbar one year ago today i drunk texting my grandmother for her birthday happy birthday grandma i'm getting lit for the both of us whoo you're 84 yaho ass i love you so much only bad make it to 84 real talk cambria kinsley you are a disgrace message from grandma back in my day we rode these long boys to school stop lying grandma how the freak would you know yo she makes a good point actually message to lebron james on instagram hey lebron i know you're probably not going to see this but i'm such a big fan best skimp ball lebron is a genius hey i'm quitting how come i just don't really like you guys no more i got a new job also so each shop requires a two-week notice this is extremely unprofessional on your part good luck each job riku shut the frick up you're lucky you got a text the frick so you're a vegan right yeah why so when i'm cooking steak my mouth starts watering so i was just wondering when you mow the lawn does your mouth start watering freak you honey i'm pregnant it's yours ah april fools omg i got you hard mike you're male i'm male we are literally two gay men wow they have defied the laws of reproduction um yeah i'm not really sure this uh joke works out then bro what are you gonna do cry are you an ugly crier or a cute crier sleep with me and you'll find out oof oh emily hey i was hoping we'd match i've got a super important question if you got a sec oh i'm so sorry you're the guy my friend swiped on because she thought it'd be funny to match me with an ugly guy again so sorry rip well too bad that unlike your photos you can't photoshop a bad personality martyrdom drop a live grenade when killed that's so rude though man just be like oh yeah the only reason i match with you is because i thought you're really ugly sorry bro you're not supposed to choose favorites but which pet child is your favorite hmm my cat but please don't tell my dog you'll be really upset see i can't keep that promise one look at him and i'll spill the beans especially since dogs are man's best friend no he's gonna hate me well he'll just cuddle up with me then okay and what happens after you leave i have to live with him simple answer he's coming with me oh i don't leave lol be prepared for all the dog hair he's a husky i see no downsides he's also blind well he won't see the downsides either then the password is sb5442 um what it's the wi-fi password for when you come over this weekend it'll be so boring i'll have to sit on my phone yikes damn that pickup line really went very badly good point though like if someone's gonna be using your wi-fi password when around your house you can't be that entertaining why'd you play a game of cluedo now this one's a little much but you have to try without judgment but we do mayo on bread and dip it in chocolate milk wow if we want this to work i shouldn't start on a lie that is the most freaked up thing i've ever heard mayo on bread and dip it in chocolate milk what are you playing at what are you playing who thought mayo and chocolate milk was a good combo are you a transformer just your optimus fine yes i am i turn into a skateboard that's probably a great skill it's not why not i don't have anyone to ride me autobutts hi hey hey what's up yeah wow i used to think siri was pretty bad at having natural conversations but you proved me wrong i'm good at algebra i can replace your x and you wouldn't need to figure out why are you the square root of negative 100 because you're a solid 10 but you're too good to be real yeah i'm out freaking maths nerds bro let me frick appreciate how beautiful you are okay that's it let's get married okay so we're looking for a reception at six tomorrow that cool with you perfect see you then ah shoot i just remembered i wouldn't be able to get married tomorrow since i've still got divorce papers to finalize since the last time this happened to me but since you're clearly free tomorrow at six i could buy you dinner instead boy never been with a guy with a big package ew i'm over ate in i don't know what's worse this conversation or the fact that you have two pictures of you holding a fish wow what a flex king not only does he have an eight incher but he's also flexing not one but two fishes on his profile damn bro do you like raisins um only in cinnamon rolls or cinnamon swell bread otherwise i hate them with a passion especially when i think i'm biting into a chocolate chip cookie jaron you're not making this cookie healthy uh how about a date he tried it do you get it guys raisin date you matched with ashley on 21st of march 2020. do you pass the vibe check one year later the year-long vibe check has been completed respond to view the results the fact that she left this dude on red for an entire year yeah i think she's felt the vibe check sorry this dude gets a message from alexa saying hey james loving natash by the way thank you i've not had it like the pictures so far this year but it's making a comeback this very month in fact you're right on time how many times on a daily do you get alexa jokes must be pretty rough haha so many i'm at the point of wanting to sue jeff bezos for ruining my life aha even the postman made an alexa joke the other day aha oh no that's so sad play despacito i know a name of a good plastic surgeon hit me up i can get you 10 off i know a good dietrichian but i'm afraid if i tell you that name you'll eat them chunky omg please teach me how to long board sure lol would i be able to hold your hands while you balance okay that's really cute but i would one thousand percent fall on you oh baby it's okay i'm juicy and will break your fall ahahaha lamal no i'm five foot eight i would crush you wow she's under six foot unmatch her right now bro so these are the reasons we have flowers right now the bees only keep the flowers growing so we can use them as gifts such as on dates now we have to have dates in order to fall in love and have children and reproduce correct that means the bees are the reason we are alive and slaves to the birds now if anyone asks if you know about reproduction you can say yes you know about the birds and the bees ah damn it see i'm a treasure trove of information take me to coffee and i'll spend two hours telling you about how the government doesn't want you to know that ducks at lakes are free and you can just take them home okay no because i knew that one we would spend two hours formulating a plan to steal all the ducks instead bruh i never thought about this but yeah i guess you could just nab a duck don't actually do that though guys how tall are you um why i only take two guys six for free how much do you weigh what the frick why i don't date overweight girls wow you're a misogynistic pig judging women i hope you die alone kazuma had never seen somebody before yeah you can't really be getting mad at guys for asking you their weight when you're asking for their height like really bro freaking misogynistic pics what are you doing tonight um studying you i like where this is going no i have a huge test tomorrow it's gonna be long and hard omg you're so hot be over in turn no sorry my texts aren't going through hey seriously don't mess this up wow shout out to the illuminati really helping this guy out here like bro she really doesn't care that you're revising for a maths exam on pythagoras theorem just get over there bruh consider this a freaking warning oh sorry wrong person uh who's the right person who the heck is the right person hello sir did you freak my girlfriend yesterday sorry i only speak minecraft enchanting table but wait wait wait wait wait yeah wow i hope this guy gets slayed with a level 100 enchanted minecraft pickaxe but you're single right bruh i have three girlfriends really who emma gene and ari lamar do they even exist nah the emoji nari that's clever and sad at the same time can i post this on reddit la mao sure hope it stays in new lol we shall see yeah let's be honest guys we all know someone with a dog profile picture on facebook is not gonna have free girlfriends only people with anime profile pictures on facebook have girlfriends yo um we're short staffed for tonight damn that's crazy good luck though we could use some extra help yeah i bet good luck man the manager boy bro you are brave saying that to the manager dude you're very brave it's just so funny how the way managers will text you like um yeah we're short stuff for tonight and if you just reply lol like they'll just keep texting you like dude just tell me that you want me to come work and say that you're gonna pay me double like bro if you're short stuffed that's on you chief like i'm trying to play crash bandicoot on the ps1 mate your toad just died bruh um what there's no freaking way i hope you get ran um i thought she was nice but she asked me to cash up her money mom hold the heck up for what she was playing with my wallet and she said i should cash up her money so when i asked her if she was going with everybody to the movie and if she'd sit by me she said i didn't send money yet the word is trifling sit as far away from her as you can you don't have to pay someone to spend time with you what do i say to her i like her nope nope nope blame me we don't pay for friends we don't pay for girls to like us she's not a you're not even taking her on a date why would you give her money you have a great heart caleb don't let anyone try to take advantage of that i love you i love you too good night wow that's actually that's that's cute bro but how rude that someone is like yo semicheship if you want to sit next to me in the cinema man jeez bro i guess the only fan's money isn't enough mate ha mood backwards is her mood no it's not are you dumb then what is it duma do my nuts fit in your mouth yo uh forget about the duma roast we gotta pay respects for this guy having the waifu as the the background of this text conversation like damn she dude this drunk guy on the plane keeps asking me to steal the declaration of independence with him holy shoot mom is that nicholas cage i'm a sweetheart don't worry i'mma hold you to that let's hang out tonight um where your room oh my gosh okay it's happening attention all sussy among us gamers the other crewmates are trying to vote me out help me prove them wrong and fast by telling me your credit card number the three digits on the back and the expiration month and year oh my gosh voiceover pete this guy bro what a legend man i wonder if anyone ever actually used like one of his videos and managed to actually scam someone and finesse them for their credit card details that would have been so sad i got this shiny mew and omega ruby because i stole the [ __ ] while their story at school we had tech days on certain fridays we could bring our ds and turn up me and my bro at the time played pokemon and stuff with the teacher and each other one day everyone heads to lunch and i stayed cause i was in the restroom i went into bro's book bag and took his ds and his copy of i think pokemon y went back into the bathroom and traded his shiny mew to my copy of x put it back like it never happened bro didn't even notice i got it to this day wow that is savage bro oh my gosh what a scam artist everybody's gone to like enjoy their lunch meanwhile this kid's doing some kind of level 100 scam going into this kids bag taking his pokemon loading up and transferring the mute to his copy of pokemon it's almost impressive the cia needs to sign this guy up like i remember kids stealing pokemon cards back in my day but we were never allowed to bring ds's into school like wow turtle fact there is no one who has ever loved you nor will there ever be there is nothing you can do to change this and you will die alone also some sea turtles eat jellyfish because they are immune to their stingers unlike you who died to a man-o-war jellyfish in the beaches of argentina on august the 13th 2044. that is so deep i never thought this could bot could come up with something so dark and deep freaking carbot you don't expect it from him like this guy has literally managed to predict someone's death out here wow how how is discord free guys like this poor guy probably just left the service straight after seeing that hi hi hey can i get your number sure and yours question mark hello have you sold my number to insurance companies i'm getting numerous calls from insurance companies oh my gosh that is a genius tactic just go on tinder pretend you're like some cute gamer grill and uh get loads of phone numbers and just sell that data to like insurance companies don't actually do that guys wow would you trade it for a riding mower you could pick it up in league city hello um if i understand correctly you would like to trade a riding mower for a 19 000 car and we will have to come pick up the mower yes is it made of gold no it's red good deal bro a 90 dollar car for a riding mower that's just a steal mate this is definitely a facebook marketplace situation anyways guys is it for the video hope you enjoyed and if you did be sure to subscribe to the channel and click on the screen to check out another episode and yeah i'll see you on the next one much love peace

Channel: Fainted

Views: 1,654,360

Keywords: funny text messages, funniest text messages, funny, texts, chats, messages, text messages, funny texts, funniest texts, funny chats, text fails, best texts, fails, memes, fainted

Id: J89GpoEUtYI

Length: 20min 49sec (1249 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 25 2021