FUNNIEST TEXTS EVER

okay i'll see you soon i love you i love you too barbecue squirrel baby girl his side chick it's the barbecue squirrel helps the cuties minus fainted and today we're gonna be taking a look at the funniest texts ever epic ultimate edition youtube seems to really like long videos and i really like ad revenue so yeah enjoy okay oh and subscribe or mr beast will steal your wife bro my girl cheated on me anna or liz carla how many girls you got bro save some for the rest of us hey what's up i got a question if time is money then our atm machines time machines smart never really looked it that way but they got a very good point my heart is still broken i'm so sorry have you tried flex seal yes wally please i'm just trying to have a conversation with you and you're pushing me away like something that pushes things away like a minecraft piston i'm sorry ask me if i'm a fire truck are you a fire truck no hey did i just see you outside walking a pig yes she's our pets you can't seriously think it's a good idea to have a smelly disgusting pig in our building can you given some of the men we've seen you bring home at 2 am i'm not sure i get your points megan be like uh megan you just got roasted roasted like that pig's gonna be if megan gets her hands on it message to my crush what is the missing vowel a question mark oh you i what is the opposite of hate love what is the opposite of me my boyfriend dude you were so drunk last night i wasn't that drunk dude you put on your mum's red shoes grabbed your dog and skipped around the house screaming we're off to see the wizard seriously yeah seriously message to dad hey could you lend me 50 for gas while i look for a job don't you have a job i got fired yesterday my boss told me i needed to leave my problems at the door when i came to work and i told him to go stand outside your mother is gonna die when she hears this message from mom it's a beautiful day wish you were here just look at this view mom your finger is covering the lens oops can you see it now you can't just send the same picture you have to take another one how about it now yeah looks great mom nice view there which nation do you most identify with fire earth water or air russia i'm leaving this guy matches with cat and messages her i heard that's supposed to attract cats part of me wants to roll my eyes and part of me has to admit that was pretty creative hey can we talk about us what's up bestie i just like really want to be more than friends what do you mean bestie why are you doing that doing what bestie message received that's so sad being called bestie three times in a row message from dad i'm divorcing your mom hi divorcing your mom i'm son no you aren't that's why we're having a divorce [Music] i'm sorry son i challenge you to a duel on god plea gmod they said it won't get weird they said nice little youtube video this is why you need a pc dude it's freaking 11 o'clock and it doesn't matter what time it is you should be getting a pc just so you can play gmod gameplay like this the bloke from the b movie really be vibing tinder zeus sent you a new message odin sent you a new message what kind of cuties is this dude matching with oh nice a message from bill gates hello ariana may we hook up i own a computer ew no way i only hook up with rich guys uh company omg yes please we hook up mr gate sorry babe you blew it time for gaming instead no please maybe hook up hello gates user have blocked you whoa now this is a real savagery who are you someone changed the names of my phone what did they change my name to chosen one don't change it back but who are you i'm the chosen one hi crush um i have bf i have two lamborghini avendor and one bugatti super sport and one private jet hehe bf equals breakfast where did you get that in-gram theft auto5 freak you you can't reply to this conversation such a shame such a shame if anyone ever starts off a text conversation with me by saying hi crush yeah i'd block them too hello i bought a pizza today and i've got a complaint hello please describe the problem what what the frick is that i'm not gonna lie that pizza actually looks pretty nice it just looks like a um kind of generous load of cheese tasty message from boyfriend hey we need to talk one sec i just got a package great i mean cool um i don't want to be your boyfriend anymore um open the package omg it's a diamond ring it says i don't want to be your boyfriend anymore i want to be your husband marry me yes i will [Music] i don't normally say this but that's cringe hello neighbor hiya can you freak quietly i'm trying to sleep i'm still at work hello zach emergency meeting please bring home purified water with no minerals added for taste none um i got spring water not with extra minerals it's like licking a stalagmite don't come home mmm cavewater you said my baby was ugly no i said she'd look like you ah okay you ugly though okay so we've got a message here to bruce landlord brucey baby we still don't have hot water it's been three days oh i will get to it when i get to it no don't violate new york real property lord 245b you're so sexy who addresses their landlord this brucy baby that's probably why he's not getting the water sorted mate i wonder what bruce is gonna think of that meme though that's genius message from bayley bracket's tinder omg yeah i can come over later sweet you can pick the movie uh how tall are you five for seven why nothing just wondering oh my gosh my friend is stuck at the airport and i have to go get her tonight i'm so sorry ah makes sense can we please pay some respects in the comments right now for the five seven kings are you winning son [Music] no i don't want me to have a disappointed father sorry wrong person who the freak is the right person i'm sorry you had to see that side of me who the freak is the right person wow that camel's got some drip on eh the boots oh i would like to ask you out but you think i'm ugly wait who told you i think you're ugly you don't think i am i do i just want to know who told you the f in the chat honey my stomach is getting bigger i think i'm pregnant yeah and i know who the daddies are who mcdonald's dominus subway kfc ouch bruh oh no what's happened here babe i broke my foot that's a nice michael kors bag tell that she can have you um that's my mom's bye there's some definite trust issues going on in that relationship dude guy breaks his foot looking for some sympathy from his girlfriend and all he gets is you've been cheating on me again johnny okay what are you doing i'm breaking up with you is what i'm doing nah you can't name me anymore how does it feel to not have a girlfriend anymore i wouldn't know let me break up with you nah breakups they cannot break up with you if you just say nah that's one way to never get heartbroken just keep saying that and your relationship is guaranteed for the next 69 years your girlfriend a boyfriend just keeps hitting your dms every single day like i want to break up with you and you're just like nah i'm good chief that's one way to keep the healthy relationship going i like how we complete each other's sentences that's why i need you for ever i'm on bro listen edit this picture and remove the dog done bro get it see he removed the guy instead of the dogs funny photoshop moment message from grandpa jim what is the powder in the container on the fridge i want to make iced tea no grandpa that's g fuel don't take that okay did you put it back did you use it i'm going to mow the lawn you don't have a lord grandpa jim be eating good tonight hi this is randy i saw your peepee for sale on craigslist is it still available if so i would like to come to take it for a test drive tonight sometime hi randy i'm selling a prius is that what you meant yes apologies new phone well it's craigslist you never know so amy i hear you like bad boys uh yeah well don't mean to brag but i ran with scissors today my sister is in the hospital because someone stabbed her with scissors while running that was your sister i'm never talking to you again do not run with scissors guys that's a rookie mistake not only is it going to cost you a court case for uh attempted murder but um you're also going to miss out on your new girlfriend amy you were so drunk last night what no i wasn't dude you ran out to this huge biker guy with a beard and shouted hagrid you're real oh smokes what did he do hugged you ah that explains the faint scent of smoke on my jacket a small price to pay for a hug ah so this is how it's done these days might need to follow this tutorial i can deal with one of those right now your personality is literally perfect i just wish you were hotter ouch careful my husband is suspecting us suspecting what do i even know you i'm her husband you were out of my suspects list what the heck i'm sorry my husband was using myself and to test you luckily you haven't said anything what could i say i don't even know you this is still her husband i wanted to confirm the trickster i guess if you're gonna be cheating with some dude's wife you gotta have these kind of skills man you pass the husband two-factor authentication couple's costume idea for us ah um those two don't go together neither do we eric goodbye no i don't know what he's on about they don't get together though i think that's a cute little animal crossing couple right there ah hey babe want to play the pick the lie game sure two truths and one lie right yep here we go one i hate bacon two i'm pregnant and you're the dad three you're telling my parents about this um i'm guessing too is the lie nope the lies one have fun telling my parents babe what how can you hate bacon i can sense a breakup coming that's enough to put any relationship in the dustbin hey there hello no face would you like to see my face yeah hello send me a little summon to my cash app and i'll send you some pictures what the heck money just to see your face frick now lol you're not masturbating chief only microsoft is going to be secure in this bag okay showing master chief's face as some unlockable dlc 10.99 i'd pay that any day hey bro you go cheating wait jasmine or maria maria maria h or maria a maria c the one with her without the glasses with wither without braces without damn what the [ __ ] how many girlfriends you got dude he's even got three of the same name how do i tell chris i like him though these things are hard you just did ellie oh my gosh i'm so sorry that was to jenna her name isn't even close to my no did you send this on purpose to me don't worry if you did maybe does that mean you like me too no revive we need to revive on aisle free i want to tell you something me too okay let's say together three two one say i think we should break up will you marry me see how the heart is all nice and chopped up poor dude but yeah if you're gonna be proposing to someone over text me like what can i say it's about to happen hey mom yes i got suspended what you're grounded what did you do you see the teacher pointed at me of a ruler and said there is an idiot at the end of this ruler and i asked which end you just made my day ungrounded that definitely happened didn't it guys definitely getting ungrounded by your mum because you're such a comedy genius what a flex normally i'd call them puppers or their name but yeah dogs are cool have you ever had a roots mermaid but i've read a lot about it in books so i can imagine i'm pretty good send me a photo of your oh yes this is barry it took me forever to teach him how to make breakfast with that you knew i had a rooster though one day he'll learn how to use a fire extinguisher um are you freaked up what's wrong with barry bro pour in a nice fresh coffee if anything i finished demonstrates this guy's potential mating capabilities even more so a man who owns a rooster with this much talent gotta be a pretty good father figure message from dad son i keep hearing baby baby baby oh from your room are you listening to justin bieber no dad i'm watching oh thank goodness well don't do jb like that jb be dropping some fire tunes bro i honestly think that baby song's class no one can deny that justin bieber baby is uh an iconic song babe did you ever cheat on me no babe i would never do that i have an image that says the opposite it was only a kiss i promise i'm sorry babe the opposite [Music] oh man oh you just messed up big time there chief also how was this message came for at 10 09 pm but the one before was 10 10 p.m the sky must have some pretty bad signal what is that ps is this a praying mantis yes don't have scx of it it will eat you after good call it was looking at me all seductive like yep that's how they get you what a mantis looking at you in a seductive manner wow this is a new kung fu panda movie i haven't heard about best proposal ever i don't know how to tell her just tell her you're right okay let me practice once on you first i love you i love you too now tell her i already did how is that a proposal though oh my gosh guys best proposal ever telling a girl on facebook messenger that you'd love her i never knew this was a method of proposing to someone but text to go i love you on facebook messenger next thing you know you're getting married roses are red violets are blue i'm down to smash what about you i okay just straight to the point dude easy great job my new boyfriend is allergic to my puppy so i can't keep him that's terrible give me a description and i'll try and find him at home he's ginger and named tom friendly comes when called 28 years old and works in i.t do you get it guys because she's not saying she can't keep her puppy she's saying she can't keep her boyfriend the puppy is more important than the relationship sorry tom hey your kid's wagon is in my yard again ah come on i'm looking at it right now it's like three inches over the property line that makes it my yard so what what is it with you three inches is three inches yeah that must be what laurie told you when she fired for divorce oh yo wanna play some fortnite i don't play fortnite sorry bruh you got the mandalorian picture though you know i could just be a fan of the show right i'm out you serious star wars nerd clown crush them make them suffer yeah man star wars so cringe but fortnight's so epic also isn't this like a facebook message this is what the kids do nowadays they have facebook profile pictures of fortnite characters what i can kind of understand twitter but like your own personal facebook really okay i love you what the frick sorry i sneezed and hit the keyboard i'm allergic to bulge that burn is gonna leave a mark i just killed someone in the cafeteria and i think someone saw me what'd i tell them since when do you play among us um what is among us oh emergency you're telling me this dude has just killed someone in the cafeteria and it wasn't in among us uh-oh my gf smoked me for the first time today and look what this bro texted me i'm going to the hospital why because every time i close my eyes i can't see bro what no way you close your eyes and then you can't see this is unheard of kind of genetic defect does this human have wait a minute no pretty sure that's uh just how it works mate the doctor's gonna enjoy that one message from bae my boyfriend just left for his stupid karate class come over heather are you freaking kidding me how could you omg babe i'm so sorry pick up the phone please how could you call karate stupid yep forget about the fact that she's cheating on you bro how dare she insult the art of karate i mean he's probably just gonna break up with her for that statement anyway so it doesn't even matter you into meats for money how much my rates are 50 an hour yeah it's 60 an hour no i'm only 50. 50 pounds fine okay so how do you want to pay me bank how many hours do you want to book free wow that's uh some fascinating negotiation skills there call me baby oh my baby call me sweetheart oh my sweetheart ugh call me honey oh my honey baby idiot i'm asking you to call me i have no balance bit rude mate x-rays just came back bro looks like it's healing up nice that looks destroyed what have you even done to manage to create this playing fortnight 12 hours a day for the last three years i reckon hey want to go out with me yes say yes no find my brother who's been missing for two and a half decades hey found him in a dumpster please i just want a gf this dude photos being smart he thought he was gonna make it impossible for her to say no but yeah didn't go to plan somebody please give this guy a girlfriend he's desperate consider this a freaking warning wait sorry wrong person uh who's the right person who the heck is the right person i don't even know what i'm looking at to be honest mom i'm gonna call 9-1-1 he's inside mom he's going to hear me okay you cool or come home or something mom i'm baby later that day they died a brutal death oh that's a rip dude you taste your mum saying i'm gonna call 9-1-1 someone's in the house and she just says gay hey daddy hi i'm not a dad i you're right but we can change that so you're interested in being a single mom if she still wants to meet after that just take the dub just take it i love you why should i trust you all the guys i've dated were dogs well aren't you going to say anything meow genius when two cereal eaters get together this is the result message from my girl i'm fat no you're not i just ate two mcdonald's hamburgers i just ate seven cookies you have cookies the back door is open wow i'm sorry but i'm gonna say it that is cringe what like oh yeah baby i got cookies you love mcdonald's we're so so good together this next text seems very legit message from dog i was just practicing my power slides in the living room and i had the best idea ever what's a power slide two words pet olympics what's a power slide it's when i slide round corners really fast i stopped because i knocked the tv over oh my gosh i know pet olympics okay mate i wonder who decided to create this image like a text message between someone and a dog oh bruh this is when could dogs text this must be um brian from family guy get your freaking stuff together and act like an adult um think of the wrong number but you're right message to dad where the heck are you hardware store mom's birthday party is right now close before hoes freaking legend not even turning up at your wife's birthday party i agree more importantly what's your hogwarts house gryffindor in the streets slivering in the sheets can you wear a platinum wig i like the draco experience i'll bring the wig you bring the daddy issues my father will hear about this and if you get pregnant i'll be using the vanishing cabinets i'd fun at lunch we doing it again soon yeah sure cool cool what are you doing getting ready for a date wait what two in one day this one's a date date ouch gets hit with the he he as well why message from gf my pokemon brings all the nurse to the yard and they're like you wanna trade cards damn right i wanna trade cards give me pikachu with electric charge marry me you know this is the first time i have these relationship texts i've seen people and i think yeah that's actually cute i like this please do get married have kids and then dress them up in little pokemon onesies that'd be cute hey babe yeah i gotta tell you something um it's 3 38 am take it seriously what i am the batman you're drunk aren't you yeah who wants to be my girl reach your name nobody so sad even getting rejected on the among us game that's painful there are three choices a witty pickup line b slightly bad but kind of funny pick-up line c fun fact is there a d option there is but i'd have to give it to you in the back of my jeep hey mom this is my waifu think she's cute so i take it you like chinese no wonder why your room is always locked son she's a freaking cartoon don't you dare say that don't you dare this guy's been willing to share his waifu with you that is an honor have some respect for his anime girl okay sometimes parents just can't understand bro but in my opinion yes she's very cute hopefully this isn't a trap message from gram gram won't be the only log i'll be riding tonight grandma what the frick sorry sweetie that was meant for your grandpa but seriously i think the worst thing about all of this is this dude saves his grandma into his contact lists with those emojis what i totally failed safety and health course today how did you manage that well one of the questions was in the event of a fire what steps would you take and freaking large ones was apparently the wrong answer i think that's a pretty good step to take in the event of a fire bro just like get out babe do you have to take your baba boom out when you poop oh my gosh lol why are you asking me this reddit ah there we go that explains it all the reddit user although now it's just becoming a question that i actually would like to know the answer to i'm dying at the little photo shoot you have going on for your profile pics lol thank you they really show off my bad boy aesthetic yeah i agree especially the one of you making a wish on the dandelion such a baddie i can't help it it's just who i am inside i feel that you could feel how i am it oh no no wife on the phone with husband i don't know what to do it's so cold and the car doesn't turn on and now the dashboard is showing a picture of a man taking a poop come quickly what can you send me a photo sure here it goes minus four degrees wow it actually does kind of look like somebody taking a poop though nice imagine her husband actually had to get up and uh come take this massive journey to see her try and fix this car he looks at the dashboard and it just says minus four degrees and he's like really babe brought me out all this way for that thanks thanks for bringing me coffee that was very sweet of you of course anytime you need coffee i'm there thanks boyfriend oh we calling it that now omg it also corrected best friend because that's what we are best friends and nothing more yep always you can almost see the pain in that message best friends forever dude i'm so ugly i freaked your mom what sorry i thought we were telling each other true facts flirt that is some top tier flirting man lexi's gonna fall in love after reading that this taste conversation is related to a door dash order i am hungry your food what's gone excuse me yeah sorry chief but i think your doordash delivery driver might be in your food that big mac is mine message from dad what do you need i'm at work uh did you not remember me last night no don't worry i used to go by my boy do you know nick jonas who's in the seat next to me on my flight and he is a very nice young man how is the conversation go from that to hey do you know nick jonas fair enough it's hard not to ignore the prior conversation do you know what i mean here we have not a tinder profile but a timber profile douglas fir 235 branch manager likes photosynthesis people who pine for me are slash trees dislikes people who won't leave me alone trunk supporters 12 foot 12 please be taller i have rbf resting birch face oh that's a yes from me chief if you guess the animal rights you become my gf and this is the animal guys try and guess try and guess okay three two one a horse yes you are now his gf enjoy very interesting looking horse but i guess that's the whole thing bro this dude just photoshops it to whatever he wants it to be so can guarantee that this girl's gonna be his gf well done mate message from wife so my ex said he would get me an iphone if i sleep with him please tell me you didn't do it no i'm not a cheater good i love you baby oh no no i just sat on the toilet and farted for like five minutes straight thought i had to go but literally just farted for the longest time but i should share that with you hashtag true love i'm dying lol no this guy's probably dying after that absolute mess he created in the bathroom message to crush three kilograms of rice one kilogram of salt four kilograms of wheat and half a kilogram of cucumber what the heck is this dude wait where did you unblock me i used to write grocery list here i don't know why i added you you're a duck i'm a human our love is forbidden quack oh wow what a love story the man in the duck who said their love is forbidden okay yeah that'd actually be pretty weird oh he scream but he also eat a trash eric i was your high school math teacher not your friend please stop sending me messages okay what's 8 plus 12. it is time um what wait wrong person what the frick my dog just ran away i'm so sorry to hear that yeah i'm here if you need anything i still have a boyfriend and i still have my dog and the fbi agent says do it bro send it this guy was typing out not sure if he should hit her with it but now he's got the fbi agent confirming yep it's going through i got a new kadabra plushie can i see here it is whoa um that's an alakazam well it was a cadabra when i sent it to you he evolved hey how you doing baby um don't call me that please calm the frick down i'm not mad i just don't like getting called baby by anyone but my boyfriends cool story bro it's obviously a joke like relax have fun with your imaginary boyfriend though loser uh well they tried to send through that message but actually did get blocked ouch hello i'm with apple support and i just wanted to let you know that perpel corp had a virus and nfl was deleted from all your chrome so we need your personal information to create you know account if you decide to not do that so you will be bad for every eternity hello scammer this is no scam we need info so you can get banned for lives we had a virus fire us click the link down below and we'll send you free ten thousand dollars what are you doing laying in my bet naked yes lol show me it's dark i don't care yep i think you might actually care sorry bro you ain't seeing nothing i mean they did say it was dark though guess what uh what no you have to guess i don't know grandma in the hospital why would you make me guess that what happened my hands are hot baby girl no they look okay why are your fingers so cranky what does that mean ah and then she hits him with the reverse uno bubba booy 360 com what is this this is the one i haven't seen before bro someone's sending through a hand picture being like my hands are hot baby girl personally i would break on for a different angle but okay handpicks and a new feat pics i've been saying this for ages jenna i'm excited to say that we've reviewed your application for being a trophy wife and i'm happy to announce that you'll be moving on to second interviews please respond within three business days to set up the next interview um who's we currently the hiring committee consists of me and my dog though if you were to be hired to the position you would assume an executive role as well i like what i'm hearing bro a ganging chair yes ganging xd the perfect chair for ganging up on people exactly how many likes for you to delete your account dude freak off you post so much defensive stuff i want your page gone whatever bro 50k likes and i'm gone you won't even come close because your page is dead as frick you're gonna regret this okay this is one of these really cringe setup ways to get likes on facebook is it guys if we can get 50k likes i'll delete my facebook page eating what uh what are you eating i'm eating ratatouille message to landlord oh no no no no there's a family of rats living in my bathroom no pet allowed in building also rent a stew classic landlords bro although i do think some people actually do have rats as pets these days very cool y'all better be careful how does that even happen i don't actually know but it has happened to people before the meat beats you some dude like did it 62 times and died ah so the limit is 61. let's go mcdonald's wife i get i'm gonna take it as mcdonald's wi-fi gang what's the mcdonald's wi-fi actually like like what are the speeds hitting 500 gigabyte per second xddd download hey dumbass stop texting my girlfriend do you want some problems what if i do okay take note if a train is traveling at 72 kilometers per hour on a road of 360 kilometers how much time will it take to arrive damn you man i'll leave her alone just calm down that's better douchebag that's a gcse level maths problem hop in oh shoot where we going oh no when i first looked at this image i was like oh that's so cute he's gonna take this girl to new york city and then i realized also i thought you couldn't send pictures on tinder is this like a new update i'm 24 i'm single without children i'm an accountant and you credit school these what credit score i don't understand 69 what never mind how are you ashley good oh this seems like a bot bro who starts a conversation with i'm 24 years old i am single without children i'm an accountant okay what's next you're gonna tell me you're a dress pal he took a poop and didn't flush no i'm serious he actually took a poop out of the toilet who raymond 556 what i already texted you to context me uh what is going on here guys message to dad i want to punch her in the eye with a rusty fork uh well this is awkward i didn't mean to text that to you hi dad hello hi katie don't forget to wear gloves keeps the fingerprints off of the fork even if it is a rusty one my favorite part of this is how you don't even question who it is the less i know the less i can say during the interrogation dad of the year award goes to me because your girlfriend calls me daddy oh rose dead i'm so cool a moment of silence for our combined iq of two and of chromosomes combined to six x y x y x y x y x y x y x y z i don't know science i don't either the chromosomes are the x's and the y's right no with the gender stuff they are l m and a o what's the username and password for your wi-fi username suck on password this um it's just the password isn't long enough ouch small pp gang i bet he's thinking about his other tinder matches i can't believe i was able to sleep with my only tinder match hey what insult do you have for me now fart head nice ah roasted uh wondering where to go give him this oh there you go the strawberry little guy smiley face he loves it oh whoa look at that it looks like the internet was right there is a hot chick in my area well this must be the first time in human existence where someone has seen one of those really dodgy ads being like oh hey there's hot chicks in a local area near you and they want to meet up this guy's actually done it he's found it he's found the hot chick and it looks tasty you know what happens when a 40 kilograms kid is jogging with a speed of 8 kilometers per hour and an 8 000 kilogram truck hits him from the back with speed of 50 kilometers an hour um i don't know i'm not good at physics he freaking dies yeah anyway i lost my license today i wonder how available halloween cute inflatable polar bear doll costume bro give me your address please tell me this dude isn't asking for this guy's address so he can send him the halloween acute inflatable polar bear doll costume if that turns up at your door your wife's leaving you or if you don't have a wife and you live in your mom's basement you're getting kicked out of the house guess what else it today boy yes uh my parents are having a divorce hearing oh boy love that for you so your present is officially in the mail hopefully you'll be there wednesday i hope you had an awesome night last night and can still remember parts of it how much do my present cost i'm not cheap i hope it's better than the one you gave me last year what did you spend like two bucks again omg lol nope it was five dollars thank you very much i'm not that cheap sorry lol totally went to the wrong lindsay meant to send to my friend in colorado hello who is this again george lowe lo didn't save your number thanks now you owe me a five dollar present your phone died yes i'm gonna call you back when it's on makes a lot of sense why are you like this i'm gonna jump over if you don't reply okay bye i'm gonna jump yo this is duck's homie he just jumped why you ain't reply to him dog he's freaking dead omg gabby it's me i'm in the hospital i don't know if i'm gonna make it yo gabby this is the surgeon i'm gonna take a wild guess that um all of these messages were actually the same guy like yep this dude's surgeon definitely just hopped up on the phone right there and was like yo dude you mind if i text your ex girl real quick like whose friend tops on their phone to be like dog he's freaking dead omg why didn't you reply to him and then of course the surgeon as well very legit definitely jumped on your phone to send some twitter dms to your girlfriend how do vaccines work simply explain please imagine there's a bully in town who wants to kick your booty you find his picture online and show it to all your buddies so they know how he looks like when the day comes and you see the bully on the street you phone your buddies they come recognize him and beat the heck out of him bravo that really was simply explained message from creeper neighbor hey neighbor what's with the big new fence what's with the binoculars they're for bird watching i'm into birds name one bird right this second um big big bird yeah right enjoy the fence hey are you still coming over to watch a movie later yeah i can come over sweet you picked a movie how tall are you five foot eleven low why nothing just wondering omg i forgot i have to take my dog to the vet tonight i'm sorry wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait 5 eleven okay now this is an even bigger l bro i didn't think 511 was small man come on baby yoda my god he's so freaking cute i underestimated how stupid i would feel picking up a baby yoda you look epic don't worry i have a confession i'm cheating on you oh my gosh is it with joe no with brad alex jake kevin and sometimes jennifer who is joe joe mama marty dom drop a live grenade when killed achievement unlocked it's like yeah your girlfriend's cheated on you it really sucks but at least you gotta hit her with the joe mama bro you may be dead and buried but at least she managed to get one final roast in message from mom when will you be home well mom there's a problem not to me though but the car what happened the car got fricked someone hit the car and run away so this time that's not my fault you have to tell dad it's not my fault mom just come home jodie no mom i think i'm fine i'll stay with my friends and safe your dad said it's okay and now come home that's what you said last time so now fam i'm good oh dear legend has it he never returned home um could you deliver no sauce wow you've now ruined my son's christmas i hope you're happy yup what is that ground beef jeez ground beef it's called the hobo skillet bacon sausage veggies free eggs over easy chorizo and gravy everything but the gravy sounds bomb gravy is the best part yuck it's so thick too good luck keeping your boyfriend around am i missing something or is she saying good luck keeping a boyfriend because you don't like gravy that's right guys if you think gravy is thick and yucky your boyfriend's gonna leave you just be aware of that okay how tall are you uh why i only date tall guys six foot free how much do you weigh what the frick why i don't date overweight girls wow you're a misogynistic pig judging women i hope you die alone me too what a fun night it was thank you for hosting i'll host you anytime oh i'll have to take you up on that oh please do you're an outstanding guest i tried to tip well wow well done i couldn't even come back with anything because that was so perfect hey bro who is this this is johnny amy's boyfriend oh word what's up i'm gonna be straight with you i know you're her side piece and been seeing her i'm cool with that she happy i'm happy because i'm freaking with someone else too so i was going to ask if you can chill with her on saturday so i can take my other girl out i got you what time though i've never seen something like this before it's like yep your girlfriend's cheating on you but it doesn't matter because you got a side piece as well and then you hit up your girlfriend's side beast being like yo bro do you do you mind just taking her out getting her off my hands so i can go out with my other piece thanks that's some definite relationship problems right there turn around in the other direction no turn around again dude where are you i don't see you i'm out of town but the thought of you aimlessly turning around in circles amused me oh i might try this one out on some of my friends that's actually quite good turn around if you talk like this block me message from crush what's your top free anime omg girl i my hair academia haikyuu hunter and hunter omg i we have the same list pure bay do you ship to rocky and take you yes girl to do they're so cute um anyways [Music] what the heck have i just read i just want to say an apology for my pronunciations there bro i don't i don't know how to say these names you know dude's really thirsty for a girl when he hits her with the ah yes girl don't hate the player hate the game message from crush xxx hey hey remember that up sexy smell at school last monday the what the up sexy what's up sexy nothing much you flirt what a champ yes did the driver respect your contact free delivery preference yes or no yes rate your overall experience from five excellent to one poor tell us your thoughts on this restaurant five it was nice thanks we appreciate your help signing off grubhub no don't leave me when grubhub is the only person that texts you message to ron you were so wasted last night dude i wasn't that drunk dude you knocked over a kid with round glasses uh so you climbed the tree and yelled screw you harry i'm the chosen one now this is what harry potter gets for trying to smash wrong weasley's sister what did you expect what's gonna happen dude i'm pooping i'm a girl i don't poop what is this really true i love you what the frick what do you mean wtf welcome to friend zone when she is mad are you still mad at me twinkle twinkle little star how i wonder what you are wish i could hit you with my car okay you're still mad le comedy message to larry from work do not call me son you are not my dad now listen son everything is going to be okay no who's your daddy kind of looks like john cena i'll use text speech like when you have wisdom teeth are you roasting me are you toothless yeah well congratulations how do you communicate help please no you talk can't talk ghosts and mouthy blinking morse code no i can feel my chin but how to do text speech bro i have 32-bit windows 7. this game needs 64-bit to play how can i get it will it work if i install my windows 7 twice yes install it twice you'll also get windows 14. thanks man you are a legend and you are a genius it's the windows twice if you had to choose would you rather lose an arm or a leg a leg need both arms to snowmobile a co-worker just said he needs both arms to hug his wife so thanks baba boy sounds like he's never been snowmobiling loser i'm not so sure that the wedding tomorrow will happen i accidentally kissed tanya accidentally i've made a photo ooh you've been caught there chief it doesn't matter what happens at the bachelorette party if you know what she did you wouldn't marry her i think this just explains why so many people get divorced these days is this alice who is this it's paul paul from the club last night sorry i have a boyfriend but i have your purse omfg i've been looking around for like ever thank you could you get it to me please but i also have a girlfriend so so bye jake do we have any more adopteds in the cabinets um what's adopted you you're adopted very funny dad i'm not your dad dead body reported hey bro results are out let's go and check it out i'm with dad you please see mine and text me okay bro listen if i fail in one subject send me good morning to you if two subjects then send good morning to you and your dad good morning to you and your family and your neighbors also babe i have to tell you something i cheated on you once me too first of april 18th of july oh no they were going in for the april fool's joke and um i managed to find out they were actually cheated on hi mom hi sweetheart my boyfriend has dandruff what can i do about it give him head and shoulder how do i give shoulder omg mom are you okay mom i wish you happy teacher's day ma'am um who are you i am your old student write teacher 10 time seriously ma what is what have i just read i think my number neighbor tops everyone else what's up number neighbor excuse me but who is this i'm your phone number neighbor we have the same number but one digit off well hello number neighbor but this is former president barack obama and i would appreciate it if you stopped texting me have a good day here you go believe me now obama very cool very cool mick i'm sorry please talk to me baby muffin sweet pete the world's prettiest thug beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world too pure sorry doesn't bring back my freaking skittles ian the relationship's over i'm sorry there's no coming back from that if you steal your significant other skittles it's done i'm from california and you i'm in ri pleasure what's ri rhode island nice have you been to usa before yo can you send me your notes from yesterday i missed class yeah one second troll face song i'm not clicking that how can you open it up and it's a rick roll next up we're on amazon prime and we got a message from abigail at customer service good day i'm abigail am i chatting with bubba boy yeah the amazon app says the package was handed to a receptionist i don't have a receptionist i just live in a house lol hello great help there from abigail at customer service i hope i'm not going to get sued here but it really does just sum up amazon prime services bro the amount of times i buy for next day delivery and it arrives in 54 days and i'm like what i'm just kidding okay jeff bezos please please don't execute me hey everyone team meeting tomorrow at 6am okay okay okay okay thank you hector much appreciated also who is having a team meeting at 6 00 a.m that's rough that is early dude a squirrel just fell on me oh man it just probably isn't your day if a squirrel ends up falling on you and damaging your face oh that's wild good afternoon miss would you perhaps like to have a nice chat with me hello just stop with the miss lol also married so i'm not miss just trying to be nice also i know you are married no need to stuff it in my face i said good afternoon not date me perhaps be less presumptuous just pointed out the fact that it would be misses just don't like the stuff like it's too formal and stuff you were the type of female who just go for tall blonde blue-eyed white men i would appreciate you because i know how to treat asian women once you get bored with you he will dump you which i will never do i would do anything to have asian wife like you what this is probably the first time i've ever seen someone on discord say that they're married but like who messages someone knowing that they're married being like hey your husband's gonna dump you i'd never do that i'd do anything to have you dad i want a baba boy dog what do you mean this omg guys so cute what the frick son that's my waifu get your hands off her we should have aborted you i don't know whether to be disappointed or proud right now but imagine that though your dad says that he should have aborted you after you try and steal his waifu power of anime girls hey message from brother pick me up i'm drunk okay send me your location i love that song oh no no no uh what's the occasion taco bell your dad is looking very fresh for a trip to taco bell i must say my grandma is still figuring out her first iphone and this did get some message from their grandpa saying how do you make tuna salad what whereby tuna salad grandma this isn't google this is texting mayonnaise you'll get there you'll get there darling oh it's because she's using her iphone bro if she was on android there wouldn't be any problems here i literally only said that star war in the comments on what's better between iphone or android are you sure your name isn't wi-fi yeah pretty sure that'll be why i'm not getting a good connection then that was super lame got any better pick-up lines what did the ones say to the 10 what that was super lame got any better up lines count the strike global offensive hey sexy hi you're sexy what about my sexy it left went home ever since you decided to be a little bro i know the difference between your and your this is freaking grinder not spelling be central yep you can just tell this guy is an a star literature student he really can tell the difference between your and um you're yeah very legit hey you studied computer science right yeah i need a favor this girl has blocked me can you hack into her phone and unblock my number i'm a software engineer what the frick do you think i do of course chief what's wrong i want to kill myself don't you mean myself oh my boy don't do it here we have the mice elf subscribe right now or this guy's going to murder myself no roses are red violets are blue i'm happy because i met you roses are reds you are ugly and poor you can't reply to this conversation oh he got blocked english teachers be like ah the literature forget about the rejection the english language here is just beautiful hey so i'm kind of into you just thought you should know okay can you hold on a sec yeah for what my best friend's not answering uh what's that have to do with this though that's gotta tell me what the frick i'm supposed to say what's your major communications yours i'm doing biology i want to be a pedestrian uh what like i want to be a doctor for kids do you mean pediatrician oh yes pedestrian a new doctor dlc uh daddy i got suspended what the heck what did you do well my ex-bf was being a douchebag so i told him off and he said sticks and stones may break my bones but words could never hurt me so i grabbed a dictionary fruit of his face and screamed how's that for words hurting you bro then ran away ah you are totally my daughter i'll be right there like father like daughter hey i don't think he's setting a very good example here bro throwing a dictionary at someone's face that's that's too much it's savagery i mean if you're gonna throw a book at someone's head at least have the respect to fro ninja's guide to getting good at gaming book that'd be much nicer yeah no thanks i don't even know why i said anything because you're not even that pretty anyways you girls want to complain about all your heartbreaks but don't even want to give nice guys a freaking chance no wonder you're crying all the time and then when you finally come to your senses it's gonna be too late i'll be living it up i'm not even mad to be honest i'm totally cool honestly i feel bad for you cause you're gonna regret it you think other guys are gonna give you a chance lol whatever good luck with your life that's definitely one way to handle getting rejected what's the odds this was some dude on like a pvp minecraft server managed to get the phone number of a random girl text her hey wanna hang out she says no and then this happens hi boyfriend wanna hang out tomorrow sure i'd love to hang out boyfriend wait that's supposed to say best friend omg you're gay too yes and now i have a boyfriend thank you autocorrect like that's ever gonna happen it'd be too easy mate you're my world uh it's your i planned on giving you the e later the e the bubba delete my number before i call your mom again no what will you gain from it this really is like something you'd see on tumblr in 2008 you're my world baby i don't like this what is it the toothpaste be taking a massive one oh wow next time you brush your teeth um it might be a little bit different guys oh yeah send me a pic oh my gosh what the frick is that grand theft auto no it just looks bad because i have android oh word you thick as heck i don't know what's worse the amount of disrespect android's getting right here or the fact that this guy believed it like look at the textures there bro i'm sorry but even a flip phone would be getting better quality than that surely the next poof over is selling wooden swords does our son need a sword no absolutely not it says message failed i'm getting him a sword it does not say message failed do not get him a sword sorry it's really loud in here i'm having trouble hearing you see your eyes here now you get our son a sword he goes to work with you all this week to reel havoc on you and your co-workers with said sword deal one co-worker already approved this yeah i don't think many fathers are going to turn down the opportunity to have their son at work all week running around with a minecraft diamond sword transcript according to all known laws of aviation there is no way a bee should be able to fly its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground the bee of course flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is possible yellow black yellow black yellow black yellow black ooh black and yellow barry breakfast is ready um hang on a second hello barry adam can you believe this is happening i'll pick you up looking sharp use the stairs your father paid good money for those sorry i'm excited here's the graduate we're very proud of you son a perfect report card all bees very proud ma i got a no yes not the b movie then what movie why does there have to be any movie how are you doing today doing all right some bad news johnny passed away yesterday oh no no no no i don't think you meant to send that i just told you johnny died yep you find out somebody's dead and then you send through this meme very appropriate response yo you did the homework right dude stop texting my girl we're doing stuff um dude i'm trying to graduate this guy's really like oh can't believe this dude's texting my girl again she's mine let me flex on him real quick meanwhile this guy actually probably couldn't care less and he's just trying to graduate from school okay hi crush i have bf i'm rich bf equals breakfast my name is rich get out of here anyways guys for the video hope you enjoyed subscribe to the channel and click on the screen to check out another episode and yeah brofist

Channel: Fainted

Views: 120,224

Rating: 4.9631548 out of 5

Keywords: funny text messages, funniest text messages, funny, texts, chats, messages, text messages, funny texts, funniest texts, funny chats, text fails, best texts, fails, memes, fainted

Id: 0GA3pFuXoAA

Length: 60min 54sec (3654 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 22 2021