The Gift Basket | Gabriel Iglesias

I thought it would be great if I could tell an old story that was from years ago that never made it to a one-hour special and the cool part about this story is that it it now has a different ending the story is called the gift basket some of you know it some of you don't know it but after this you're never gonna forget it all you have to know about this story is that all the people involved have always been and will continue to be friends that being said might Athena and I all the good ones start like that might Athena and I are scheduled to perform in Northern California usually we fly but this particular day I was having a problem with Southwest Airlines they wanted me to pay for an extra seat for someone who wasn't travelling with me take your time you'll figure it out anyway I tell my team I'm not paying for an extra seat let's just drive at six hours so we headed north three hours under the drive we're passing through a city called Fresno and as we're passing a Fresno fine it's alright anyway as we're passing through Fresno we start seeing billboards off the side of the freeway that said performing this weekend at the Radisson Hotel directly from BET's comicview and Showtime at the Apollo comedian G Reilly and a look at my pinochle oh shoot she's in town yeah I haven't seen G in years so we're like let's stop by the hotel and say hi so we pull into the parking lot we walk in I tell him out of bean he doesn't know we're here I'm gonna crank call his room cuz what were you gonna say I said I'm gonna tell him that I'm the front desk and that he just received a gift basket what's so funny about a gift basket I said I'm gonna describe it over the phone and I'm gonna make all the items that are in this imaginary basket become items that's stereotypically a black person might like is you crazy I said I'll tell you what we got two hours to kill how about this how about we go to the supermarket and we make an actual racist gift basket and we'll have it delivered and we'll wait outside to see what happens I said are you down we go to a store and we start to design the sickest practical joke ever I get a shopping cart and I'm like all right we need a basket so I find one I take up the grass the plastic eggs and the chocolate rabbits and we start hitting the aisles first item I grab is a Fried Chicken about that thick okay see how quick that laughs was a few black people in here like mother but this better be funny it's hysterical let me just finish the story and then you could judge me in the parking lot so anyway then my peen hands me a miniature watermelon and I put it next to the fried chicken here's where it gets interesting employees of the store find out what we're doing and they start volunteering to help us finish the basket half of the employees were black which made it so much more accurate aisle after aisle one guy was stocking a shelf he was an older white guy we're like sir can you help us what do you need my buddy might Athena and I are trying to make this messed up racist gift basket for our black friend as a practical joke can you think of something we could put in there without even blinking an eye the guy was like half kool-aid it's at the end of the aisle on the right malt liquors are next aisle over in the fact that a store in the freezer section it's on sale two-for-one by the time we get to the register all these different employees plus us came up with the basket that had fried chicken watermelon kool-aid grape soda barbecue potato chips sunflower seeds an ebony magazine a Chris Rock DVD called bigger and blacker Magnum condoms Newport cigarettes a rack of ribs the recipe for cornbread it was getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger icing on the cake we find a greeting card that's on clearance from Halloween and it has a picture of three ghosts on the cover wearing sheets I tear off the half that says happy Halloween and on the back of the card I write welcome to Fresno love the Chamber of Commerce and we stick it to the basket we made it all nice and pretty and we haul ass to the hotel we pull up we walk in the basket is hot as hell so I'm racing it I get inside and I put it on the counter as fast as I can bro it's too perfect there's a black girl behind the front desk as soon as I put the basket down I hear is that chicken hold on what is it let me explain my name is Gabriel this is my Athene we're a couple of comedians and we're about to play a really crazy practical joke on a friend of ours who's staying here tonight by the name of jeera lee who's also a comedian i woulda won this on the science on the free went yet I won this on the science on the freeway so as a practical joke we went to the store and we made this messed up racist gift basket that's that's why you can smell fried chicken and she was like you need Jesus that's a chill name kinky girl you better hang up that foul you ain't gonna believe what I'm looking at over here girl listen we think it would be hysterical if we could have you deliver the basket for us she lost it oh the hell you didn't I know you didn't just ask me to take that to a black man you know give it a strength to not kill this big-ass Mexican over here on okay look here nacho libre I don't care who you are I am NOT doing it hail now I'll give you 50 bucks we follow her to the hotel room she knocks on the door might athena and i hide by the elevator on the floor she knocks she opens the door sees a beautiful black woman standing there with a gift basket this is for you baby he says thank you closes the door she walks away and she sees us on the ground hiding right and she's like y'all still gonna Hale we get up and we walk over to the door and we put our ears listen this is what we hear inside cool a he's getting excited over every single item he's pulling out of the basket he gets to the greeting card what can a Fresno love the Chamber of Commerce hell yeah then we feel him flipping the card over because his voice changed he's like oh yeah man is it what up outside the door we heard racist bastards well we heard racist bastards we lost it housekeeping is freaking out that's not the end oh we're laughing we're crying we got boogers coming out we can't take it anymore we knock on the door he yells who is it too easy Chamber of Commerce he rushes the door I put my finger on the people so he can't see who it is right but knob starts to jiggled and the door explodes open and he's like what and he sees us and he's like what's up g-man don't give a brother a heart attack did you like your basket man that was messed up did you like it man I love all that [ __ ] [Applause] and now ladies and gentlemen a story that has been seven years in the making I would like for you to now hear for the first time ever the other side of that story ladies and gentlemen I flew him here to Hawaii so that he can share this with you give it up for my friend mr. G I gotta be honest I didn't know it was racist I thought it was lunch lunch I didn't know what rage until I got back to my neighborhood and brothers in my neighborhood looks at me they say man I don't believe you let that Mexican guy do that to you man that was messed up I know you got him back I said well buy him lunch I can't afford to buy that man lunch if I buy him lunch he'll be getting me again but I understand it was the perfect set of circumstances when it happened because I'm laying across the bed in the hotel I'd never been to Fresno before and I'm wanting something to eat and I didn't know where to go eat so I'm laying across the bed and I'm saying to myself where can I go eat I wish I had some food and all of a sudden magically there's a knock on the door and a black girl shows up with a gift basket and I took the gift basket and I said they know how to treat their comedians up here Fresno and I'm walking to the bed and I can feel the heat and I can smell the chicken from the gift basket not my oh this is cool but nobody smells chicken and thinks the racism basically I see the watermelon oh this is cool they know how to treat a comedian up in here I get to the card and I look at the card and I go what the is going on I said oh my god I'm working for the Ku Klux Klan and I really I really started to panic because in my head I'm saying to myself is this for real cuz there were billboards all over the city with my picture and I started thinking they were trying to scare me out of town so now I don't know what to do right and I start trying to call the promoter and the promoters not answering the phone and it's festering in my head and I'm nervous and I'm pacing in the room and all of a sudden there's a knock on the door right now go oh my god they come to get me so I ease over to the door right and I look through the people all right and all I see is a brown dot right I hear somebody out there cuz I hear the breathing right I hear this was about 60 pounds ago right so I gotta look up under the door right oh my god it gotta be about five or six I'm about I figure like this I figure okay you know what if it's gonna happen it's gonna happen you know if it's gonna happen i'ma go down swing it right so I put my best black face on you know I tried to look me you know I look like this guy right here and I go who is it and they go Chamber of Commerce with me oh my god - Chamber of Commerce is the Ku Klux Klan and I'm panicking so I get to the door right and I pull the open the door open and when the door opens up these guys are falling all over the hall laughing at me they're rolling all into the cleaning ladies caught the cleaning lady didn't know what was going on right because she sees a black dude with no shirt like this so she grabs the lemon plays like his pepper spray right anything clouds I realize it's a practical joke everything calms down cuz I remember that now I remember how hungry I was I'm like okay cool practical joke right so I'll go in the bathroom to wash my hands while I'm in the bathroom washing my hands I hear a commotion in the other room right I go back in the other room then going through the gift basket the maid is leaving with the watermelon my team is drinking my 40 [Applause] you

Channel: Gabriel Iglesias

Views: 7,658,128

Rating: 4.9376197 out of 5

Keywords: gabriel iglesias, fluffy, gabriel fluffy iglesias, comedy, stand up comedy, funny, jokes

Id: n2HgXRNVT7g

Length: 14min 29sec (869 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 06 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/sorry-if__offended-u]

oh the infamous racist gift basket story

[u/Sapstastic]

One of the most memorable ones to be sure

[u/Pikachu-Sans]

RACIST BA**** *

[u/glitched-potato]

Best line in the whole thing “I ain’t taking that to a black man hell no” “Il give you £50” “Where that motherfucker at” 😂😂