Mr. Iglesias First Episode | Gabriel Iglesias

you stay in school I got five minutes to go over all of American history wiped out the indigenous people oppressed the blacks did some good stuff around World War two and now the Sun is setting on our Empire yeah I guess we did cover it off some stuff that didn't happen like landing on the moon I really got to get you out reddit Lorenzo all right I see everybody gays and looking out the window ready to go full Braveheart on everyone they might take our lives but they'll never take our freedom sorry miss Thompson didn't mean to scare you oh that's not gonna end well of course England did take Scotland's freedom and they've had it for over 700 years don't tell Mel Gibson wait no Gibson lost yeah I was kind of the beginning of a long losing streak for him all right bonus points what did America have that Scotland didn't have besides men who wear pants this is coming from a guy wearing shorts I got this weapons seriously won't you you think the Scots got to the battlefield and we're like hey is there something we're forgetting my charger and my bluetooth speakers what are we forgetting weapons America was basically a castle with the 3000 mile moat it's called the Atlantic Ocean ding ding ding ding ding MA TESOL is right once again oh you're always right you're worse than my ex all right look you guys it took the British two months to sail food all the way across to here all right they could have just called Domino's let's put a meatlovers my man okay lightning Rome who remembers the Monroe Doctrine anyone else go ahead in 1823 James Monroe declared any intervention by external powers and the politics of the Americas a hostile act so smart James Monroe yeah Mikey this work okay now while Monroe is best remembered for his doctrine I think he really should be remembered as the first president with enough courage to say enough with the powdered wigs I mean seriously aside from RuPaul who thought this was a good luck our country was founded by a bunch of dudes who woke up every morning asking their wives hey have you seen my wig anyway we went 200 years without such a bizarre hairstyle again we went from powdered wigs to one wig dipped in cheeto dust [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Eddie's y'all mr. Iglesias is the cool teacher where I cannot be the cool principal that's not a real question hold on hold on before you run off and ghost ride your whips play dominoes on your stoop drink your scissor what is this I'll be talking about I want you to tell me something you learned this year grace you want to make me look good in front of principal medicine grace talks in front of people now I thought she had social anxiety now she does but she learned how to talk to using the computer she's still a little shy though I learned that principal medicine sometimes cries in the parking lot at her Ford Fiesta not shy enough and for the record it is a Hyundai Elantra so the record graces Wi-Fi just went bye-bye okay I will see you in my office at 11:15 and some of you I will see next year hey wait wait what do you mean some everybody have a good summer stay out of trouble don't get caught can I talk to you mr. Iglesias being that I'm the only person you speak to out loud I have to say yes I wanted to warn you Paula's probably a little cranky she hasn't been getting a lot of pokes on her dating app if you know what I mean I know what you mean but do you know what you mean [Laughter] grace we talked about your hacking problem how about you are you on any dating sites just one it's called taking time to reflect on my personal mistakes dot-com have a good summer oh this is sick 1962 VW bus hippy not included you can put it on your dashboard for your summer trip thank you - what do you mean dashboard you owe putting this in a safety deposit box this is officially the nicest thing I own god I hope you're kidding but you deserve it thanks for a great year mr. Hayes's I'm hungry you know that's not real Mexican food I don't care I'm high [Laughter] dude we're just stealing out of the basket no come on man isn't the GoFundMe for mr. Heywood's new if i had another bad year at the track well big surprise you know who doesn't have a bad year at the track the track well you know what they say about gambling just keep trying yeah sounds like your dating life yeah well anyway my losing streak means I got to teach summer school sucks man I really wish you could go with me on this road trip yeah man it'd be like Thelma and Louise Rookie of the Year oh I don't know about that come on Abbi you're the only new teacher this year if you don't win that's just sad but I could be the strong but tender shoulder for you to cry on oh no I really want to win so are you excited for your road trip Gabe yeah my bus is all gassed up got my 90 Spotify playlist ready with a lot of R&B yeah I would never find another lover sweeter than you sweeter than you and I would never find another love you more precious than you guys are adorable my fiance yes that's French for don't put your friend or ketchup [Applause] Abbi nobody's told you what no relationship survives moving in California no you had to find that special someone this one but yeah you know those those things you found charming back in South Dakota they just won't measure up here in the big leagues so you two are the big leagues yep us in Rangasamy hey mr. Hayward Gabriel when are you going to start calling me ray but what happened if we called you rain when you were our teacher I would have whipped your asses money you know my grandmother had a hip replacement yeah how's she doing oh she only used it for a month so we got most of our money back the only way I can get out of here without a goddamn party in my honor is on a gurney with a sheet over my head great have a nice summer and I pray for someone like you I gotta get a date do you have any brothers - but they're married not to each other that would be weird marriage is not necessarily a deal-breaker sneaking around can be an aphrodisiac so is Ana's communication with your partner ah the history department miss Spencer an outstanding teacher Oh Dave and Tony also teachers oh well if you'll excuse me I have some letters to deliver you'd fit right in as a mailman dogs already don't like you captain - Neil my beer John fries would beg to differ did you know he rescued me so Helen stone is taking early retirement this year and one of you will be getting her honors student section this fall I'll do it I could have a syllabus ready by the end of lunch and a game drives us to the bus [Applause] well I guess that eliminates Tony not yet all three of you take your lunch hour and come up with the mission statement as to why I should pick you and I'll make my decision at the end of the day you know what I like doing on my lunch hour lunch we all know you're gonna go with Abby to teach the honor students oh well I like to think that all of our students are honors students and I'd like to think eaters Elba's at home waiting for me come on Tony surprise me don't suck so much coach picks on you that means you're the star player sometimes it just means you're bad come on Paula we both know you should go with me no one teaches history like I do I know you're good that's why I let you slide with the dress code you can't hide these calves from the rest of the world oh that hurt you got your assignment Gabe I'll see you after lunch I can't get my leg off okay you need some a long time in your Elantra my kid is graduating from middle school next week and my ex-husband the first one is going to be there you meet the love of your life at Freaknik and you think it's gonna last Gabe he's bringing his young wife I've been looking for a guy all year but apparently I'm giving southern california carpal tunnel from swiping left you still got it you're smart you're pretty you're strong you're an amazing administrator is this all a part of your mission statement if it's working then yes mr. Macey's great news graduating early graduating what are you talking about check it out I got a letter from mr. Hernandez counseled well you're not graduating you're you're being expelled well I think we can agree the important thing is I don't have to come back school didn't move me and I've never wanted it this is a no-fault divorce just like my folks so what next Goldman Sachs but Locker I make those stripes look good yeah I doubt that I used to work there we look like a fat bar code I think you can do better than Foot Locker you know what I'd really like to sell did the state of California legalize it in 2016 I'm just gonna say custom rims but I like your ideal weight better thanks mr. Iglesias wait no like you know I was thinking shoot you people need shoes not as much as they need wait yeah but they need the shoes to get to the weed hey Tony any of your students get this weird letter maybe we're not that close can you help me with my mission statement sure I can't believe I'm still doing your homework just get me started all right uh why do you want to teach the Honors Program because it'd be way easier lead with that no Tony have you ever had a student who was afraid to try yeah let's have my kids yeah and they worry that if they try their hardest and fail they can't ever use the excuse that they weren't really trying I see it all the time well this isn't about my student this is about I see what you did there Gabe I know we're competing against each other but would you prove my mission statement you two charts you got charts and a bibliography yeah is it tacky that I started my own grad school thesis yes wait this PowerPoint you really do speak the language of the honors kids oh thank you I also speak French to AT&T and we'll petite shoot what does that mean I don't know but I've never been called the teeth [Applause] [Music] hey my teeth - that's probably just a bill and my house we don't open those little one after final final notice yeah I get it you know growing up we were on a first-name basis with our repo men pick to the collector even came to my graduation for me no but someone is gonna pay for this Julia we don't I got more pimples we're in a meeting yeah now minute - hi what do you want Gabe it's opal these letters what the hell is counseled out it's a nice way of saying to our underperforming students dear dumbass get lost Kmart is hiring attention Kmart shoppers pay no attention to the idiot on aisle five Gabe we are in public school our funding depends on meeting certain standards grades discipline attendance levels and the easiest way to improve those averages is to cancel out the kids who are hurting the numbers what do you call this program some children left behind I don't hate it this program could make our school the educational pearl of the district yeah I gotta go swipe left on a bunch of kids what swipe left the story of my damn life Oh mr. Hayworth hey have you heard about these council doubt letters they're not our problem any more letters sure always easier to juke the stats then reach the hard cases something tells me I need to sit down for this Gabriel when I was about your age I got a job offer in a private school you know where the students wear cardigans with the crests on them Hogwarts then at lunch a couple of kids got in a little scrap as I was stopping the fight one of the kids hit me and that's when I knew I needed to be here it's just so hard it gave you dementia No see I knew what that kid was dealing with at home and I knew what would have happened if that kid had hit any other teacher if you had left you wouldn't have been here when I was on the ropes you were one of the kids that let me know I was doing the right thing wow I wonder where what I wanted without you mr. Hayward yeah you'd have been in some low-paying job with lots of stress long hours hey there she is always reading something no way they've gone too far now you're not just my best dude you're my favorite student you know you say that to all of us yeah I know but when I'm talking to you on my line letter says it's because of attendance I kind of missed some afternoon classes like how many like all of them I work help my family but I did the assignments I'm gonna take this to somebody who could help fix it oh my god are you gonna have Hernandez jumped no but I like your idea much better I can't find any central database for the kids who got the letter if I can't access the list I can't change it and believe me I need to wait you to whoa why did you get a letter we're doing stuff like this that's right that's that's my um I need your help getting principal Madison in a good mood just get a picture of appletinis in her I don't even want to know how you know that it's on her profile just get a picture of appletinis in me and let the magic happen you know grace uh I want you to know how proud I am of you and how far you've come this year in case I get fired fired why would you get fired you're the best teacher in the school which let's face it it's a low bar do you think maybe you can hack back in the principal Madison's dating profile bumble tender Urban's wife she's on everything but farmers old oh wait she's a girl is rocking that cowboy hat I'm going with Dave I mean congratulations Gabe I just you know Wow yeah be that the way should never try your hardest oh yeah me what's the matter gave you one I'm figure right now you'd be doing your touchdown dance you know damn for two you know I've been thinking instead of giving me the teacher proof kids Oh No why don't you give me the kids I got the counseled out letter from Hernandez you know the world's worst pen pal Carlos can't you come in here a sec locust boys darkness hey we're just talking about you Carlos dave has volunteered to teach the kids we've counseled doubt herself went this is my best student our attendance is unacceptable she works she has a real job you should try it we're just putting every student in a position to succeed look so many people have turned their backs on these kids and I don't want to be one of those people we're not turning our backs on them it's turning our faces to the good students look Hernandez may think that these kids are invisible but I see them all of them it's done hold on Carlos yeah hold on Carlos invisible you say key did I you know a woman gets to a certain age and she sure knows what that feels like people of color you know what that feels like preach sister shut up Carlos you know it's the damnedest thing I got a message on my dating app a little while ago from this fine-looking young Denzel type who wants to buy me an appletini Denzel is that even your type I'm alive Varna he even quoted Invisible Man that's my favorite novel you know I've been meaning to read it I am invisible simply because people refuse to see me Wow sounds like a real catch and then you come in here and you refer to these kids as invisible that's quite a coincidence or maybe it's a sign you know if we don't see these kids now no one ever will all right Gabriel you got this summer to turn him around grades discipline attendance no screw-ups so Gabe has to waste the summer teaching the drip tray and then I get to kick them out I can live with that oh you live with yourself you can live with anything we can't save them all Gabe I know but who are we if we don't even try he is fine wait a second this is Denzel this is a picture from the Pelican brief somebody photoshopped a cowboy hat on his damn head [Laughter] okay some of you are here because of your poor grades poor attendance disciplinary reasons are all of the above messed around and got a triple-double yeah you gotta say it was a good day alright so I got some good news and I have some bad news the good news is no one is getting counseled out the bad news is we're gonna have to do summer school wait those are both bad things this summer - and it's not school yeah [Music] what about your trip ah who wants to roll around on a cool Volkswagen bus listening to 90's jams and going to wrestling events I'm gonna guess you yeah maybe I didn't think this through as it turns out it's a real award it's got your name engraved on it and everything there's only two bees and a bee oh you had one job ah thank you I see you got my tax case your appletini and your backup appletini hmm how about you gave beautiful ginger ale on the rocks yes can also have a laminate I ain't driving not to pry but is there a specific reason you don't drink well for being honest I kind of like remembering what I didn't who I did it with that's why I drink like to forget what I did and who I did it with don't worry eventually you'll forget it all only the grinding hip pain will remain bone-on-bone yeah here's to the future Paula who is the new you Tony Oh suck a dictionary you know somebody better teach this young gal how to swear she's gonna get laughed out of Long Beach I'm sorry I'm just not a very good loser no practice Abbi you can bring the kids up to your level I'm hoping the honors kids can bring Tony up to their level well thank you Paula so what kind of raise are we talking about here I'm not going to fire you I do it for the key to surviving another school year [Applause] [Music] you [Music] you

Channel: Gabriel Iglesias

Views: 993,268

Rating: 4.7658262 out of 5

Keywords: Mr. Iglesias, Gabriel Iglesias, Fluffy, Gabriel Fluffy Iglesias, netflix, sitcoms, comedy

Id: qGIPoodveZM

Length: 29min 37sec (1777 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 08 2019