Son said I'm not his father anymore but is angry when I removed him from my will

[Music] my ex-wife 49 female and i 52 male split several years ago when my children were 9 12 and 14. it was a relatively amicable breakup nothing was terribly wrong we just weren't in love anymore and we have remained friends since of course this was hard on the children but we did everything possible to make it easier on them and i believe they handled it very well and had as happy and as stable next few years as they could have i didn't really date or seek any sort of romantic connection for a long time after the divorce but three years on i met em and fell pretty deeply in love m is a man i don't know if i'm gay or bi or pan or what all i know is that i am happy and in love and i have been now for the past nine years that's not to say i wasn't happy before in the three years before the divorce and meeting m i had my children for three days a week and loved every second spent with them six months after m and i became an item i thought it was time to tell the children i was seeing someone i thought it was still too early to introduce em but i felt like i was lying to them by not telling them that i had someone so important in my life their mother had had a new boyfriend for about a year at this point and they all liked him so i wasn't too nervous so i told them that i had started seeing somebody at first the reaction was largely positive the eldest and youngest were happy for me the middle child d now at this stage 15 seemed relatively pleased for me next i said that what i was about to tell them may be a bit of a shock but the person i was seeing was a man i had expected them to be surprised but i wasn't too nervous we had raised them in a very liberal household and had always emphasized the importance of being anti-r s homophobic etc we are from a quite diverse area and have friends who are lgbtq plus who the children have all met the response from my eldest and youngest was as i expected taken aback at first but ultimately happy for me dee however said nothing i thought okay he is just processing it it's a lot to take in and that's fair i said if anyone wanted to talk about it more to let me know and we could the next day they went back to their mom's house dee had been very quiet for the remainder of his time at my place i was a little worried and tried to assure the kids that they would always come first before any partner etc again eldest and youngest seem totally fine d however much less so four days pass and the kids are due to arrive at my place but only the eldest and the youngest show up i asked where d is and i remember that they just looked at each other uncomfortably i panicked asking what was wrong with dee eventually my eldest came out with it when they got to their mother's house dee has told his mom about m called me a f and said he never wanted to see me again it felt like i had been shot in the chest my ex-wife knew about him before the kids did and was happy for me apparently she had told deoff for talking about me that way and tried to convince him to come but he had refused over the next few months i called him i went over time and time again he refused to answer the phone or see me so i left messages begging and pleading with him to change his mind to talk to me i told him i would leave him if he wanted me to but i couldn't help the way i feel i spoke to his siblings my ex-wife they told me they had tried and tried but dee was adamant my other children were incredibly upset and seemed to think a lot less of dee after six months of trying i gave in it was the most miserable i had ever felt but i knew i couldn't force my now 16 year old son to see me and i didn't want to have to force him all i could think is where did i go wrong i hadn't seen him the entire time in the hopes this would encourage my son to change his mind but luckily m had been patient and understanding and still wanted to see me after all that time we used to do birthdays christmases school events etc as a family even after the divorce but dee refused to go if i was there so eventually i stopped attending these things i still saw my other children three days a week and they eventually met him and thankfully love him every year on dee's birthday and christmas and a few other times i would try to contact him again every year he would ignore me he blocked me on social media but i would sometimes see him sharing homophobic posts and youtube videos as well as some alt-right videos when my other children were using social media around me a few days ago i reached out again this time he finally responded my heart lept and then i read the message duck you f you will never be my father i broke down into tears but then for the first time i was filled with pure anger dee is now 24 years old according to my ex-wife he has a good job a nice flat and a girlfriend he is a grown man now i decided enough is enough i replied and said well a homophobe is no son of mine i will not try to contact you again i am removing you from my will and you can consider yourself disowned as my son i have since made arrangements to adjust my will he hasn't contacted me but my ex-wife said dee is angry that i intend to remove him from my will a couple of days have passed and i have felt nothing but inner turmoil after all he is my son and my job is to always be there for him part of me wants to contact again and say i take it back i'll always be here if he changes his mind but honestly i am exhausted and i feel i was justified in what i said and in removing him from my will did i make the right choice or should i try and take it back to answer a few questions i only brought up my will in the first place because it's the only way i can think of to really disown my son it is more symbolic than anything i don't think i will have much to leave i have my house plus a small amount in savings which would be a nice amount in one go but we're not talking tens of thousands when split between three children including if they sold the house especially if there are grandchildren and charity donations etc my other two children are a boy eldest and a girl youngest i made it clear to all my children that i loved my wife and what we had was real i didn't meet em or anyone romantically for three years after and i believe it was clear that my s wasn't the reason for our divorce but some of you made the point that maybe this wasn't clear and that it was why d took it so hard this is something i have considered but maybe not enough my ex-wife seems to think d has been radicalized by things he has seen on the internet she is still in regular contact with him and they have a very normal mother-son relationship but i think she finds his beliefs very difficult and my other children do too i do think i should provide for my children but i worry how he would put the money to use i don't want my money contributing to anything harmful even after i'm gone i may try and set something up so that if he has children i can leave something for them upon further reflection i think the mention of writing him out of my will was a last-ditch effort to get some reaction from him something to make him want to see me i can't cut him out forever kids don't just become this way somewhere along the line i or my wife and i messed up and allowed this to happen i think i am going to get in contact one last time tell them that i love him and always will and wish nothing but the best for him but until he can treat me like a human being i can't have him in my life [Music] growing up i thought i was the luckiest kid in the world to have my family sure my older twin sisters by seven years and i didn't get along much but i always link that to them being girls and so much older than me not to mention the weird twin thing but i still loved them my mom was a wonderful woman who was always there for me and my dad my dad was there for me too but he was a bit emotionally distant i always thought that was because he was kind of old school macho wanted me to be tough i was so wrong and i'll never forget the day the truth kicked me in the nuts and told me my days were numbered ten and a half years ago the day after my 17th birthday party my dad and mom came into my room with the most serious of faces i thought grandma died or something my dad looked at my mom and asked well my mom just shook her head and looked down crap did grandma and grandpa die at the time i never thought there could be something worse than a death in the family i was wrong so my dad looked me right in the eyes and said to the best of my ability to recall i want you to understand this isn't a joke a prank or anything else like that what i'm about to say is as serious and truthful as it will ever get do you understand i nodded seventeen years and nine months ago your mother went on a trip with her sister sally to las vegas and she had an affair he started and it felt like the bottom of my gut fell out i wanted to ask what but nothing came out my dad because that's how i still thought of him continued you were a result of that affair the only thing we know about your real father is that his name was steve and your mother only knew him for a few hours before she slept with him my mom was crying when i glanced at her but dad's voice was always a commanding presence growing up so my attention snapped right back to him your half-sisters ouch that hurt were seven at the time and your mother confessed the affair immediately when she got home she begged me to take her back and i agreed a month later we found out she was pregnant there was still a chance you could be mined but i demanded a paternity test once you were born eight months later you were born they did the test and you weren't mine what was i doing during all this sitting there in shocked disbelief and silence my mother was sitting next to my dad facing her hands crying but dad wasn't done yet now i love your mother so i promise the woman i loved that i would give her son a safe and loving home until he was an adult but then he would no longer be welcome in my home which means that when you turn 18 you're out i won't pay another red cent towards your life that includes college i told your mom she had until this day to tell you and she hasn't that's why we're here do you understand what i've said silence i expect an answer yes mark that was my dad's name stood up and walked towards the door of my room and i blurted does this mean you don't love me anymore dad i never loved you and my name is mark mom tried to comfort me but i screamed that i hated her or some stupid bs she told me she loved me then left my room too i cried like a little bee until i fell asleep the next day mark informed me that i was still responsible for all my chores around the house and told me to get off my butt and get to work so i did i was terrified of being kicked out at dinner yes we all ate dinner together even then mark told me i needed to get some part-time jobs to start saving money unless i wanted to be homeless i'll skip over this part a bit the rest of summer vacation was filled with searching for a part-time job and usually working three part-time jobs sleep is for the week my girlfriend at the time dumped me because i wasn't spending any time with her i didn't tell my friends or her about it i'm still not sure why maybe pride maybe shame maybe not knowing at that age how to remotely explain the situation i used some of my summer money to buy a crappy but running car for like six hundred dollars it was an old vw bug that needed to be push started most days and it didn't have ac which was a problem in the south i returned to the car mark purchased for me when i got my license i remember he looked at me how he looked at me before when he was proud of me but it was only a fleeting moment when school started back up i realized it was going to cut into my money earning endeavors so i studied up on getting my ged and had it by the time december rolled around my mother who was a stay-at-home mom gave me around a thousand dollars for christmas mark gave me some windshield wipers for my rust bucket which was more than i expected to be honest and my half sisters they got me a couple of nice dress shirts i'd probably never go any place to wear them though seven months until the big 18 and i was done with high school college wasn't going to happen so i needed a trade i had done some gopher work at an electrician so i asked him if he'd train me and pay me while i got my certs his sons didn't want to uphold electrician and son's tradition of getting zapped for a living so he agreed life at the house became pretty terrible i basically slept there and occasionally i'd ask my mom about the situation when mark was gone what i learned is that steve was very attractive very charming and my mom was very drunk it didn't help that my aunt sally very much encouraged the affair and steve which explained why i had an aunt that i'd literally never met mom had tried to find out who he was but there wasn't much to go on the months marched on june hit and then my birthday there wasn't a party mark literally brought boxes into my room and told me to start packing i had already bought two duffel bags and dumped all my clothes and personal effects into them i took a shower and then i took my laptop and my mp3 player and was out the door i'd already gotten a cheap phone with texting so i could keep in touch with work and i also gave my mom my number i'd managed to save enough to get a tiny one-bedroom in a crappy part of town and that was my life thanksgiving rolled around there was no invitation for me i had a bologna sandwich most of my friends had gone off to college and what they say is true out of sight out of mind christmas was bad i called my mom and asked if i could come see her she said we could meet somewhere tears i love yous do you need anything don't cry mom i love you too no i'm okay on my 19th birthday my mom didn't call i tried to do a stupid thing the ceiling fan broke so i got hammered and called it a night the next day i walked into a church and talked to the pastor he told me that what mark did was unconscionable i kind of understood mark's position though but that i had to focus on the good things going on in my life which was basically work so pastor approved workaholism life is the life for me i went back to talk to the pastor a few more times to talk when the dark feelings came he never tried to recruit me though i always appreciated that from that point on work was all i cared about if i did my job and stayed to myself i'd be okay if mom called me she called me if not oh what has to be done at work at this point i also started looking into plumbing certs so when i wasn't working as an electrician i was going to school for plumbing that healthy lifestyle lasted for two years on my 21st birthday my coworkers took me out to a restaurant and our server was then 21 female now 27 female beth there was something about beth there still is at the end of the evening i asked her out not to a steakhouse where she worked and we're still together and married to this day it'd be a safe bet to say she knows everything we married at 23. i invited my family including mom my sisters and mark hopeful no hope fool mom came my half-sisters who now knew the truth did not mark do you have to ask no he didn't show up i got to dance with my mom reminded me of when i was a little boy and she would let me stand on her shoes and dance with me in the living room or kitchen beth then 24 gave me two beautiful children a son and a daughter twins strangely enough mom saw them no one else from my family did i know i've not mentioned it yet but we mark mom and i still live in the same small city so on occasion i would see mark or mom out and about town i remember seeing mark shortly after the birth of my kids and thinking he looks thinner shortly after that i didn't see mark around town what i didn't know was that it was his first bout with pancreatic cancer he survived that time three years later he didn't i know why my mom didn't come meet for our usual christmas visit or why she hadn't been around to see my kids mark was dying and he finally lost his battle on monday evening a part of me is sad that the only man i ever knew as a father is gone i don't believe that he never loved me you don't spend 17 years raising a son to be a good man without having love in your heart for them i'm so angry at him how could he not know after everything he did for me that i loved him and knowing the truth would only make me love him more he didn't have to take care of me he could have dumped my mom but he didn't he stayed he taught me to ride a bike and fish and drive but maybe it was all just lies i wonder if his obit will say he is survived by a son his memorial is on saturday what does a person do in this situation i don't even know what i'm asking should i go should i talk to my half sisters try to make peace with them

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 36,453

Rating: 4.8790102 out of 5

Keywords: reddit girl, reddit, r/askreddit, reddit sister, r/sister, r/entitledparents, reddit entitled parents, askreddit, reddit family, askreddit girl, askreddit sister, reddit parents, r/parents, askreddit parents, reddit disown, reddit disowned, r/disowned

Id: ckMhmomXA18

Length: 18min 8sec (1088 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 29 2021