Sister in law demands I give money I was saving for my future children for her wedding

my in-laws live in india me and my husband live in the u.s i'm third generation born here and my husband is immigrated here without his family 13 years ago we've been married eight years i have pcos and it's been a tough battle trying to get pregnant with no luck at all my 16 year old sister-in-law is pregnant by her 22 year old secret boyfriend and my mother-in-law father-in-law are accepting her request to marry the boyfriend i have my personal feelings about it but am keeping my opinions to myself the problem is sister-in-law knows i started a savings account for my future child there's not a lot in it since i only started putting money in it when we started trying to get pregnant six years ago it has about 24 000 on the high estimate she called me a couple days ago asking if she could borrow the money for her wedding expenses i asked her how she was going to pay it back since it's a lot of money and neither her or her boyfriend fiance work currently she said once they both finish school they'll start paying me back but she changed her tune midway through telling me her plan and said it should be a gift since she was family she also said what kind of family wouldn't expect money to be paid back and that she thought it was weird i'd even care to get the money back because i've never asked for money back before she's not wrong i have lent her 100 usd here and there for school supplies and clothes without asking for it back but those were small amounts here and there she is asking for money that i'm specifically saving for my own child and it's also a lot of money even if i don't have any kids in the future i don't want to just gift thousands away to her so she can have a big wedding maybe it is selfish but i worked hard for that money i was honest with her and told her i wasn't comfortable gifting that money away and that i consider it money for my own child she was so upset and started telling me that she knows i'll never have kids anyways so i should just give her the money to help with the wedding and if after five years we still haven't had any kids it's never going to happen i was called greedy selfish and told that my place in the family wasn't important or necessary she also threw in my face the marital problems dear husband and i have been having and saying that if i didn't give her the money she'd do everything in her power to make sure we divorce that she doesn't think i deserve to be married and that i'm just jealous and hateful because she was able to get pregnant she also said i want her to suffer an ugly wedding because i'm so jealous of her being pregnant it was a mess of a conversation and i just ended up hanging up on her mother-in-law doesn't like me anyways and father-in-law is probably going to take his daughter's side since that's his favorite child and i don't know about the brother-in-law's i'm rejecting everyone's calls and messages right now dear husband isn't really on my side either he thinks i should have offered some of the money like half of it and they could have a good wedding and when i told him he should do that instead it started a massive argument and he left to go stay at his friend's apartment i'm exhausted and alone emotionally i don't have any friends or family i feel comfortable telling this to i think i just need to get it out of my system i'm sorry if this is just a jumbled stupid mess of words a bit of background i was married to a woman for 15 years and ended up divorcing her because she liked to sleep with other guys while it took me six years to stumble onto this fact she worked from home i commuted two hours each way into the city i owe it to her being either a sociopath or a narcissist or both why not she could absolutely turn on and off the charm and could come up with lies staring you right in the eyes hindsight is 20 20. let's call her v short for voldermort as one time when i was talking about her after the separation i referred to her as she who must not be named and the nickname stuck with all my friends and family during the marriage my ex and i were best friends with another couple and for this post we'll call them sam and marie sam was still is my best friend marie was v's best friend marie had found out about v's plans to cheat on me prior to me finding out and told v that she couldn't condone infidelity and their friendship would end if v did cheat on me no marie did not tell me and i don't blame her for not doing so when i finally found out v was having a facebook affair if you're going to have an online affair don't do it while married to a computer expert with some dude in california we lived in massachusetts it was just two weeks before v was flying him out and putting him up in a hotel for three days i spent those two weeks getting a lawyer a pi and my exit strategy together i left her the weekend after their hotel stay she would spend the days with him and come home for the afternoon evening with a shred of guilt showing in her actions the pi having gotten pics and video of them leaving the hotel and eating lunch together and heading back to the hotel i first stayed at sam and marie's in their in-law basement apartment eventually moving to a small apartment back in the town where v lived fast forward nine months and i'm divorced from v why it was so short to divorce is another tale worthy of this subreddit we had one daughter let's call her rebecca she was 13 at the time between us still at home and were trying shared custody and live about a quarter mile apart there are other kids in the marriage but they were living apart from us at the time and don't play a part in this part of the whole story we had acquired a lake house during the marriage and had it listed to sell and we had it written into the divorce agreement to split the proceeds but paying half the mortgage on that and the rent on my apartment was really stretching me thin financially one day marie emails me subject line in all caps v just tried to get me fired long story short v emailed marie's boss claiming that marie was gossiping about v on sales calls to customers but her boss knew it was nonsense and told v as much wisely marie didn't mess around waiting to see what was next she went to the local courthouse that day and filed for an anti-harassment order against v it took several visits to the judge as vee chose to ignore multiple summons to court so that the judge could hear her side of the story eventually the judge granted the order because v never showed up to court during this time v called 9-1-1 on me multiple times one time claiming i put a letter b in her mailbox and two other times i had entered her apartment without her permission the letter b accusation was due to me posting a link to shipyourenemiesglitter.com on facebook months before and subsequently mailing her a thick bundle of forms to sign police were called and i had to go to v's apartment and open the letter in front of the police needless to say there was no glitter let alone a bee oddly enough this accusation came just days after there had been an actual bee threat into the town hall funny that the two times i had gone into her apartment had both been to drop off rebecca's book bag when she had forgotten it at my apartment both times had texts from v granting me permission to open the door and put the book bag just inside she would then text me after i had done so trying to revoke permission to this day i think v thinks that if she deletes a message on her end the message is deleted on my end even though kids will be kids and rebecca did forget her book bag at my place on at least one other subsequent occasion i did not fall for v's ruse a third time all forgotten book bags were delivered by rebecca and i meeting halfway between the apartments also included with the multiple 911 calls were multiple minor child wellness checks on evenings when i had rebecca at my apartment it's so much fun having to explain to your child why the police are showing up at eight o'clock at night to check to see if she is okay basically v was trying to get me frustrated and react badly throughout this whole mess sam and marie have been life savers to me and rebecca hosting and cooking weekly family dinners for us they are rebecca's godparents and just being absolute rock steady in their support and tolerance of the situation around this time v filed for sole custody at the strong urging of my lawyer i insisted on a guardian adolidum gal being appointed to represent rebecca's best interests her being a minor child of course the parents must pay the fees of the gal at this point my finances are really getting worrisome so i write an email to v saying we need to drop the price of the lake house and get that sold regardless of profit i needed that albatross off from around my neck so i could continue to afford to live where i could co-parent rebecca as well as fight the custody battle so there i am going deeper into debt can't pay rent and mortgage long term and v is starting another court battle for full custody with no other choice i moved back in with sam and marie so i can continue to pay my lawyer and keep fighting after about a week i'm settled back in with sam and marie i hear from rebecca that v's glass patio table was smashed the previous night i was in new hampshire that evening with witnesses so it couldn't have been me i was paying for rebecca's cell phone and we have life 360 so we could know where each other was at any time due to an earlier threat by v to take the two youngest kids and moved to california to be with the idiot from facebook plus it had history so i could at least prove my phone was in new hampshire rebecca said she knows i was in new hampshire and tells me she'll tell her mother it wasn't me the next day i was served with a restraining order r.o claiming that i had vandalized v's patio furniture and that she still felt afraid due to the letter b incident the cops knew it was bs but the judge had no knowledge of the incident when lee filed the ro and had to take her at her word the ro was for 10 days and then i could show up in court and contest it being continued the officer who served the ro explained that he had to confiscate any firearms and licenses while i did have a recently acquired class a concealed carry license actually from a couple's firearm course that was an anniversary gift from v the previous year i hadn't any firearms other than a bb gun of rebecca's the officer left with just the class a license smiling as he was pretty sure i wasn't going to go on a rampage with a bb gun the first thing i did the next day was to go to the police station and request all incident reports that involved me since i left her i knew of seven incidents but the desk sergeant informed me they had 19 incident reports from v he talked to me a bit clearly trying to get a feel for what kind of person i was and just what was going on we parted company with him assuring me that the patrol officers would now know what was going on and the pd would do right by me so long as i kept my cool fair enough two nights before the court appearance to contest the ro sam marie and i are sitting on their porch drinking some beer and brainstorming about what i'm going to say to the judge i'm a bit discouraged because i know it's going to be a he said she said situation and i'm living in massachusetts if your chromosomes don't match you are a second-class citizen when it comes to parental rights in massachusetts plus v deserves an oscar for how well she plays the victim it wasn't looking good my only hope was if v decided the ro itself wasn't enough to make me look bad to the gal and not show up and let the ro expire marie suddenly said hey let me see the ro i handed it over to her hey this is my judge she's the judge that granted me the anti-harassment order against v you're kidding sam and i looked at each other in amazement i swear it is let me go get it marie goes inside and comes back a few minutes later with her court order sure enough it's the same judge my grin felt like it was going to split my lips now i knew exactly what to do now for the meat of the story the court date to contest the ro arrived and i'm their first thing just me no lawyer because he had to appear in court elsewhere i strongly hope that v wouldn't show up but she did with someone other than her divorce lawyer and before court was in session her new lawyer approached me and offered to let the no contact order lapse but wanted a do not abuse order left in place i politely declined her offer stating i had done nothing to warrant either order and that i wanted the judge to hear my argument these lawyer was taken aback a bit by this and then shrugged as if to say it's your funeral and walk back to where v was sitting we went in front of the judge and v told her side of the story and i started telling mine introducing all the incident reports from the police department but v and her lawyer didn't have copies of all of them so the judge sent us back to the gallery to await second call while v and her lawyer reviewed the reports when we were called back the judge started to go into the content of the police reports and i stated that the content was almost irrelevant but she insisted on going through them during that v emphasized the two incidents where i briefly entered v's apartment with her permission but she characterized them as me doing so without her permission i said that if necessary i would be able to provide the communications where she gave me permission but i didn't have them with me today when going through the first police report from the night i found out about the online affair wherein v claimed i had brain lesions v also tried to characterize me as having multiple personality disorder as told to her by our shared primary care physician the judge asked her with no little incredulity his doctor told you this without his permission yes your honor the judge looked at me puzzled i shrugged and said while slowly shaking my head in disbelief i have a very close relationship with my doctor and i highly doubt he would violate hippa she looked a little non-plussed but i think she got the message that v wasn't being entirely truthful as that was the last police report to go i reminded her that my point wasn't the content but that i thought v was using the courts to harass and intimidate me and to make me look bad to the gal and i brought up that this isn't out of character for v as she has an anti-harassment order in place against her put there by your honor your honor the judge blinked at that bit of info i gave her the details and reminded her that v declined to show up at the multiple hearings as i recounted the particulars of mary's story the judge squinted her eyes more and more and her frown got deeper and deeper she turned to v and her voice was slow cold fury do you have an anti-harassment order in place against you v's voice was so small and weak yes your honor i so wanted to look at v's face to see her reaction but i kept my eyes locked on the judge the judge pointed at v why didn't you show up to the hearings a pause as v struggled to find some excuse because i didn't want to associate with that but the judge waved her to silence i think that was the turning point as i think she was going to grant their request for the do not abuse but she turned to me and said sternly i think there is a bit of this is going on both sides but clearly she wants you to stay out of her apartment never again your honor restraining order terminated and with a bang of her gavel we were done because the ro was terminated legally that meant it never happened i got my class a concealed carry license back the next day and ultimately won the custody battle a large part of which was the termination of the ro but also due to the subsequent increasingly poor emotional and verbal treatment of rebecca

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 24,884

Rating: 4.8823528 out of 5

Keywords: reddit girl, r/girl, reddit, reddit sister, reddit sil, r/sister, r/sil, r/askreddit, askreddit girl, askreddit sister, askreddit sil, reddit family, r/family, r/entitledparents, r/, entitled parents, reddit money, r/money

Id: 5VfASq7S0rI

Length: 16min 43sec (1003 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 30 2021