Sister in law refuses to move out of our house

now this story has many layers but i'll do my best to simplify what has happened over the last few months for the sake of your time to properly tell this story you need to know a few things my husband and i are veterans we've been married for nine years i had never met his sister before this whole ordeal she went to morocco a couple years ago for some guy she met online married him got pregnant came back to the states and had her baby and is still living here she has custody of this child she has a previous kid with another foreigner who apparently just ghosted her and went back to his country turkey and my mother-in-law has custody of that child my husband and i quit drinking and started working a 12-step program six months ago we hit 200 days sober this week yay my child was sent to stay with my mother-in-law for this time she's back with us now so we could get our feet under us and get our house in order again so about three months ago we got a phone call in the middle of the night that we needed to go pick up my sister-in-law and that it was an emergency she said she was being kicked out of her place she had been living with co-worker for a few months and that her and her baby had nowhere to sleep we set them up in our daughter's room and everything seemed to be going fine she tells us that she has a new apartment but has to wait about one more month to move in we tell her that it's fine and that seems doable our only rule was that under no circumstances was she to bring alcohol into this house ever our only rule was that under no circumstances was she to bring alcohol into this house ever we kept repeating it to make sure she fully understood and she said we had nothing to worry about everything is going great his sister hangs out with me while my husband's at work i babysat while she ran errands my husband took her to work every morning duggan 5 am and picked her up every afternoon then went to his own job where he works nights he didn't mind because this was only temporary and she obviously needed help one day while my sister-in-law is at work i tell my husband i smell beer and i thought it was pretty weird he said he smelt it too we go into the room and there's a whole trash bag full of empty beers my sister-in-law gets home and i let her know we all need to have a talk i told her that we told her our one rule was no alcohol and that it was not cool of her to do something like that when we're going out of our way to help her and especially since it's so early in our recovery i don't know if she was having a bad day or what but she completely flipped out screaming i'm not drunk it's just beer i didn't know you guys had a problem like that i told her we go to aaa damn near every day and she knows this she flies off the handle and storms off to the room slams the door and gets on the phone calling anyone who will listen about how we're awful people our walls are thin we can hear everything honestly i wasn't expecting that reaction from her i was upset but i wasn't going to kick her out i figured she'd say sorry and we'd keep our distance from each other for a few days she locks herself in the room and is just screaming into the phone about how we're obsessed with her and how my husband is nothing but a drunk and a loser he's been working extremely hard on himself and starts talking about how our apartment is crappy our car is crappy we're crappy parents etc basically just tearing us down i guess we gave her a day to calm down and then told her she had to leave y'all this chick stated squatters rights i think that's what it's called she straight up refused to leave she said she'd been here more than two weeks so she was technically a tenant she told the police this when i called them and was able to prove it with mail i cut the power to her room i took all our flatware and dishes pots pans everything and put them in our room i even took our microwave out of the kitchen i took her ducking mattress and she still won't leave so we pulled 500 out of our bank and gave it to her to find a weekly hotel to stay at until her apartment was ready we just couldn't take it anymore and we wanted our house back she had stopped showering and was making our house reek between all the dirty diapers food hardening in her room and body odor so she took the money and locked herself in her room laughing i started to cry and then i got angry and started to devise a plan it's amazing the things you can achieve with a sober mind the next day we call our property manager and fill her in on everything that's been going on turns out that today of all days our property manager supervisor was filling in we were completely honest about everything and broke down multiple times giving her the rundown on the recent events she more than sympathized with us she said to call her when my sister-in-law got home from work so she could come and talk with her herself she gets home we call the property manager our property manager tells her she should really just leave peacefully unless she wants an eviction on her record it was a futile attempt but figured we'd try anyway she of course refuses we had gathered all her things into the living room while she was at work and told her that my husband will take her anywhere she needs to go but she's not staying here one more day she called the police like we knew she would you know for someone who's staying in someone else's home unwanted and your only proof is male you really think you'd keep that mail on your person at all times well when the police got there she couldn't find her mail wonder how that happened police tell her to leave and she refuses mind you her baby is sitting there eating our cat's food out of his bowl and screaming and flailing around and when i tell her that her kid's eating cat food she tells me to shut up and that she's a mother of the baby and she knows how to parent the police are watching all of this they tell our property manager she can trespass her and she does my sister-in-law starts screaming his wife is crazy she's an addict repeatedly the police tell her everything she's saying is irrelevant and that she needs to leave or she will be arrested so now she can't come back to our apartment without a police escort to get the remainder of her things my husband took her to a motel and told her she can get her things whenever and she still had the 500 we gave her the day before fast forward to last weekend she hired movers to come get her things and we thought that was that now she's blowing up our phones because she's saying one of the suitcases on the patio was hers we say come back with the police right now and we'll show you it's ours it literally has my name on it she refuses and is now texting us saying she filed on monday and is suing us and calling the air force commander you know i think he has quite a few more important things to worry about than some homeless lady stinking missing bag but that's just me in conclusion my sister-in-law is a mess and i think i may just have to file a restraining order we blocked her number and she's still finding ways to message us we've told her repeatedly to leave us alone and that if she needs to take us to court then so be it as you know if you've seen the first post my mother-in-law was highly pissed that we threw her daughter out so much so that she made us come get our daughter early who was in her care at the time so we could get our first sober months under us and clean up our lives instead of letting her finish out the school year like we'd planned while my daughter was at my mother-in-law's house we told her she could have a phone so we could have a direct line of communication with her without having to go through my mother-in-law because a lot of the time she would never answer the phone when we told my mother-in-law we were sending her a phone she immediately shut that idea down and so not wanting to rescind on a promise we had already made to our kid we let her have the phone when she came home hindsight is 20 20. no seven-year-old should have a phone and i realize that now but alas parents make mistakes the other day i was doing a check on her phone making sure she wasn't doing anything she shouldn't be doing and i saw she'd been texting my mother-in-law as i'm going through the messages i see things like i want you to come live with me permanently i'm thinking of moving don't say anything and my personal favorite has your dad been drinking again my husband and i both hit eight months sober today thank you very much she hasn't expressed any concern about our sobriety to either of us and come to think of it she hasn't even called us to check in and ask how we've been doing before our daughter came home we agreed to not use any drinking vocabulary around her we make it a point to not talk about anything regarding our previous drinking or current sobriety because we feel she's still too young to speak about adult topics like that she's only seven if our daughter had a question we'd of course have a sit down and explain whatever she wanted to know the best way we could but that hasn't happened yet i felt like these things she was saying to our daughter were interfering with her transition back into our home she'd been gone six months promising these happy dreams of permanently living with her and also flat out asking our child if we've been drinking again not once did she come to either of us with that question we would have happily told her we're still going strong i can see why she'd be concerned because of our previous lifestyle and i fully expected her to eventually question us but i never once thought she'd talk to our child about it the way she did after my husband and i recovered from the initial shock of all this and calmed down we decided to text his mom since with phone calls she usually talks over us and never lets us get a word in or hangs up on us we told her that the things she was saying were completely inappropriate things to say to a seven-year-old and that because we wanted our daughter to focus on being a kid and not have to deal with adult topics we were taking her phone permanently until she is older my mother-in-law was in town about two weeks back and the only reason we knew about it was because our daughter's cousin told her about it we never got a phone call text nothing we told her that if she was at all as concerned as she seemed that we wish she would have asked to come over see our place our daughter's room to see that everything is how it should be see how well we're doing we let her know that she can call either one of us anytime to speak to our daughter whenever she wants and that we know she loves her and that if she has any questions or concerns about our sobriety to please ask us she responded begging us to not take away her only form of communication with her granddaughter from her and denied ever saying anything to her about my husband's drinking so i pulled out my handy-dandy screenshots and forwarded them to her i then let her know that we aren't taking her only form of communication and reiterated that she could call either one of us at any time whenever she wanted to speak to her now see i know that she doesn't want to have to deal with going through us and so she won't call but that's not my problem her relationship with our daughter will sadly suffer because of it but she needs to grow up and bite the bullet and call us if she wants to talk to her and we told our daughter that if she ever wants to speak to her grandma to let us know and we'll give her the phone too she replied back don't be sending me screenshots okay don't lie and i won't need to send you my receipts lady she messaged us again this morning saying how dare we block her we are disgusting people she took care of our daughter for eight months god don't like ugly i bet we didn't block her other grandma how dare we first of all it was six months not eight but i let that one go all i replied back was we didn't block you on anything because we didn't i have no clue what she's even going on about and she replied back i would hope not and that was that i mean my mom has to call us to get through to our daughter too now also for an update on my sister-in-law i don't know if this family is on the same psycho wavelength or has some kind of werewolf shared mind thing going on but the same day we saw those messages from my mother-in-law my sister-in-law had made a new account on facebook just to harass my husband and call him ugly and pathetic and a loser etc this was before we even spoke to my mother-in-law so it's not like she was mad about that yet we blocked her new account and went on about the day as usual i mean really who has the time to sit down and make a bunch of accounts to harass your brother and his wife who are obsessed with you it's absolute madness to me edit mother-in-law is in a separate state from us i googled grandparents laws in our state and google says we have to either have to be deceased or have our rights terminated for any of that to apply to her mother-in-law is also low-income and is already permanently caring for sister-in-law's child so i doubt she could hire lawyers to try to take our kid from us she is unofficially my other sister-in-law's caretaker she has some mental health issues and they all live together too also i'm assuming us being in a separate state than her works to our advantage i'm a stay-at-home mom and our daughter isn't in school during summer so she'll be under my supervision for the next couple months when she starts school back up the first thing we're going to do is letting them know about my mother-in-law and sister-in-law we're going to have a serious sit-down conversation with our daughter about how grandma's on a time out right now and for her to never go with anyone anywhere unless mom and dad are present my parents are decent people but terrible parents and spouses i 26 female went through a lot at their hands growing up one struggle we me and my three younger brothers went through with them is my dad's total denial that he suffers from some obvious mental health issues other than his rage issues and blatant narcissism my dad's biggest problem is probably ocd i don't say that lightly his mom is the one that mentioned it first and he won't listen to her about it either his obsessive behavior is mostly centered around baseball and i know how ridiculous that sounds he started coaching the oldest of my brothers when i was about eight and it was a hasty downward spiral from there practices were four nights a week with full weekend days spent at the baseball field the quality of our home life directly correlated with how well my brother or his teammates did at practice my birthday falls during baseball season and it was either flat out ignored because of baseball or actively ruined by it if we were not physically watching a baseball game there was one on the tv he pays a butt load extra a month to have like every possible obscure sports channel just so he can find baseball even if it's a high school game in another country or something my mom is a bit of a doormat so she just goes along with the guano crazy things he does in the name of the game my oldest brother finally had to quit at the collegiate level because of all the overuse injuries he racked up with all my dad's extensive training my middle brother broke off and joined another sport so he's happy and doesn't get us smothered and my high school age younger brother is already getting back problems from all the same overzealous training methods this isn't just a problem for me but they enjoyed the sport and aren't as bitter as i am moving on to now i recently got engaged and my parents pledged money for my wedding they're very well off and it was a generous pledge i tried for over a week to set up a thank you dinner because i honestly wasn't expecting as much as they offered and my dad can get kind of hoity about helping with stuff and not getting enough gratitude so i wanted to nip it in the bud no plans are made despite several attempts by me whatever last week we found our venue we tried to discuss the details with my parents but they wouldn't make time for it we asked them if we could use some of their pledge for the deposit less than 10 percent of what they offered and they basically said probably let me get back to you for five days in a row we only have two days left to get the deposit in and they were still either avoiding us or giving us vague answers so we asked my fiance's mother-in-law who is a literal angel and she agreed to help my parents were enraged when they found out we'd gone around them for help and finally unloaded on us how stressful their week had been why you ask because my dad has been going so crazy with no baseball that as soon as other states opened he started putting my brother's team in tournaments all over the country they had literally driven eight hours one way to play two games in the next state over and plan to drive back that night after planning all these trips they realized my dad couldn't go because he'd have to quarantine from work so they were reorganizing all this unnecessary travel they shouldn't have planned in the first place they also genuinely did not understand why i was not sympathetic i told my mom it already felt like my wedding was taking a back seat to baseball and i wasn't going to put up with this she was appalled i would even say such a thing because of course my wedding would be a priority right my mom calls this morning to kind of apologize for the poor communication and starts asking odd questions about our wedding namely about the date for reference there are three dates available for all of next year at our venue we were avoiding two of the three for personal reasons one is the day before father's day and the other is two days after my birthday which left our date she kept making comments like her anniversary is close to her birthday and she never minded it's close but not two days close and that our anniversary would only overlap with father's day once in a while i got suspicious and asked why she was asking she kind of huffed and puffed for a bit and then finally admits well it's kinda gonna overlap with this baseball thing i semi-politely told her to duck off and hung up my only brother still playing is in high school and his season will be over before the wedding so any baseball thing they have going on is elective not necessary i honestly should have known this was coming it's escalated to the point where my parents have guilted my brothers into texting me about moving the date they're bribing us with a bunch more money to take the father's day date because it's not a big deal my fiance and i want kids and soon and i hate the thought that if we do get pregnant quickly our first anniversary and his father's day will be the same day it would be i don't even know what to do at this point because i can't cut out my parents without cutting out my brothers and they mean the world to me baseball has already taken over so much of my life and it feels like it's already creeping up on my wedding day too [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 25,885

Rating: 4.9016395 out of 5

Keywords: reddit girl, r/girl, reddit, reddit sister, reddit sil, r/sister, r/sil, r/askreddit, askreddit girl, askreddit sister, askreddit sil, reddit family, r/family, r/entitledparents, r/, entitled parents

Id: pkfI7kbHYn8

Length: 19min 3sec (1143 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 12 2021