My best friend stopped speaking to me after my boyfriend proposed

hi so as the title suggests my best friend has not spoken to me since the beginning of december molly name changed and i met three years ago on social media we had been following each other because we have similar interests and live in the same town one day she messaged me asking to be friends and the rest is history i was very excited because i don't have many friends and it was so nice to have so many things in common i already knew of molly's long-term 10 years boyfriend tony because he is a semi-popular musician in our town molly is an angel of a human being hard working caring a real catch honestly i would frequently joke to tony that if he wasn't going to put a ring on it soon i would and that leads me into this whole disaster as i mentioned tony is a fairly well-known musician in our town he is also known as an overgrown 12 year old he is basically your annoying little brother just taller and with facial hair i don't dislike the guy at all he is very talented and fun to be around in small doses do i see what molly sees in him no absolutely not he farts and burps at the dinner table insists on blasting while we're trying to have conversations sleeps until 3pm is unnecessarily loud demands molly to cook for him three meals a day has never unloaded a dishwasher or cleaned a thing in his life etc molly is way out of his league honestly yet she loves him and thinks sunshine's out of his behind the first time i asked molly about what she wants out of life in the future she immediately said marriage in kids i asked about where tony stands in that area and she said he obviously wants the same tony even has his grandparents ring that was given to him to propose to her i asked do you guys talk about it that's when it came up that he basically shuts down or changes the subject she doesn't see anything wrong with him responding that way because he just doesn't like serious conversations this worried me for her but at this point we didn't know each other well so i didn't say anything as time went on she would talk about wanting to get engaged she would send me links to rings she liked and asked me to send them to tony i did and every time he would either threaten to block me or ignore me she sent me her wedding pinterest board i sent it to him he ignored me she sent me this really heart-wrenching message about how the anniversary of their first date was coming up and how special it would be if he proposed i told him about it he told me to shut up i stopped sending him things after a while because to me it was very clear i don't think he wants to commit i will admit i never actually said that to her although i don't know if she would ever listen she would always tell me i don't know nearly as much about relationships as her because i was either single or not with my boyfriend now fiance as long as she was with tony i met noah a year after i met molly i wasn't looking for anything because i had come out of a long-term abusive relationship a year and a half prior but noah is something else he is a total gem he treats me so incredibly well and although we took things slow i knew he was the one quickly molly was really happy for me and we ended up hanging out as a group often noah and tony became pretty good friends too as my relationship with noah got more serious and we moved in together molly joked a few times about k me if i got engaged before her noah and i talked often about our future he is three years younger than me so it was important that we were on the same page i want to be married and have kids before i'm 35. the only thing we don't agree on right now is i want to elope and he wants a huge wedding my town has been in and out of lockdown for a year now and while we haven't seen our friends often at all we have kept in touch daily since noah and i have basically been alone together this whole time we also have been talking more seriously about our future i had no idea he had a ring and was going to propose to me when he did though he surprised me with my dream ring two months ago and i could not have been more happy i called molly before i called my family she didn't pick up so i texted her a picture of it i waited a while and didn't hear back so i called my family hours go by and i haven't heard from her i thought it was weird but was in complete bliss so i posted a picture on social media and got drunk with my now fiance and went to bed next morning still nothing for molly she did see my picture on social media though i talked to noah and that's when he tells me she was cold towards him when he showed her the ring he wanted to get me a few months earlier i texted molly a few more times and call her multiple times she has not spoken to me in two months as of today i reached out to tony to make sure she was alive and she is she just won't speak to me i completely understand that she is upset and when i reached out after the ring picture i told her that i told her we don't have to talk about wedding stuff even i'm not trying to plan a wedding anytime soon i just want to talk to my best friend i'm completely heartbroken noah thinks i should stop reaching out because this kind of behavior is selfish on her end i disagree personally i can see why she is upset i just want to talk to her should i give up say something specific move on edit i accidentally left out that every time molly asked me to send tony something i screenshotted his responses whether he told me to shut up or ignore me she saw it when i stopped sending things his way i told her that i didn't want to anymore because he clearly wasn't interested edit 2 tony is 38 and noah is 27. molly reached out to me a few days ago after my initial post i don't think it's because she saw the post or anything like that i think it's just she felt it was the right time she basically said sorry if you felt like i was ignoring you i just needed space to sort out my feelings about you getting engaged before me and i didn't feel like it was fair that's not really what i wanted her to say but i accepted it because i wanted my friend back my fiancee i can't remember what fake name i used for him so i'm just going to call him my fiance was not happy about this response from her and warned me to keep my distance i ended up just being civil with her i missed her so we chatted here and there but nothing more than that valentine's day came and i asked her if she and tony had any plans she said no and asked me what we were doing i was hesitant to tell her but realized it's not up to me to downplay what my fiance does for me to protect her feelings i told her i got flowers balloons and my fiance arranged for cupcakes for my favorite bakery to be delivered and he pre-ordered a special edition of my favorite book for me i got him a bottle of his favorite whiskey and a voucher for a car wash and detailing she took a while to respond and then i got a phone call i pick up and it's molly i was in the kitchen making drinks so i put her on speakerphone she says to me tony says he is going to hunt your fiance down and be him up for making him look bad today she's laughing about this i don't think it's very funny my fiance yells from the living room it's not that hard to buy flowers she responds with well tony hasn't left the house in a while so he couldn't get me anything my fiance responded with i bought them online she hung up on me that's it for me i'm done with this relationship i realized that this is toxic and i shouldn't have waited around for her after all this she is still making excuses for her deadbeat boyfriend and i don't want that presence in mind or my fiance's life i want to thank you all again for all your support if it wasn't for you all helping me see the light things might not have ended this way background our parents have known each other since before we were born my parents moved across the street from her parents her mom baked my mom and dad a cake and they've been friends ever since they even got pregnant around the same time and gave birth a few months apart tori and i literally grew up together and have always been close we were inseparable as kids and have always called each other sisters freshman year of high school her dad got a job opportunity and they ended up moving to cali we were in ohio at the time so it was kind of hard to maintain a long distance friendship because of the time difference and everything that was going on in our lives but we still remained close alternating visiting each other during our summer breaks we applied and got into the same college after high school so we were finally reunited at college as we dormed together things were perfect present day we are both married to our husbands we live in the same town our husbands are best friends as well due to this pandemic i was laid off from my telemarketing job it was fine at first because my husband was able to pick up a few extra shifts and maintain our household but his overtime started getting cut so now we were only living off of one income and i've had to use our savings to pay a few bills as of recently i've been looking for a new job and it's been hard because no one has been hiring tori and i get together every other week for drinks i mentioned to her that i was having a hard time job searching and she suggested that i apply at her job and that she would put in a good word for me and i'd be hired we talked about how fun it would be to work together again tori is in a similar field as i was not exactly the same but she said that i'd have no problem getting in and that they'd train me for whatever i didn't know later that week i applied and was called a few days later for a phone interview we went over my application and she asked how i was referred to the job i mentioned tori and she genuinely sounded excited and bragged about what a great employee tori is and how if she was referring me i'd probably be a perfect fit we finished up the phone interview and she said that she would ask tori a few follow-up questions but that the job was pretty much mine and to be expecting a call back by a certain day i texted tori telling her how things went and thanking her immensely however the day came that i was supposed to hear something back and i haven't heard anything at tori and i's get together i asked her if her boss ever asked her about me and tori said no and that she would let me know if she did two more weeks passed and still no word i asked tori again and all she said was that they decided to hire someone else because they had more experience so i dropped it after that a month later and i am finally back working and my husband and i are getting back on our feet i suggested that we invite tori and her husband over for dinner and my husband immediately said no i've noticed that my husband and her husband haven't been talking i asked him about it and he brushed it off i asked tori about it at our get together and she brushed it off as well however i knew that was odd as they talked almost daily and got together weekly for beer and poker with a few other friends and that hasn't been happening either i decided to press the issue more with my husband and he finally broke down and said that the reason why him and matt weren't speaking was because of tori he explained that the job tori said she would speak up for me to get she actually did the opposite i asked what he meant and he explained that her boss actually did ask tori about me and she said a few things to deter her from hiring me i asked why he kept this for me for so long and he said it was better that i didn't know because he didn't want to ruin our friendship matt actually told him what tori did and he told matt to tell tori to do the right thing they got into an argument and that's why they weren't speaking i called tori and she admitted that my husband was telling the truth and said the reason why she didn't vouch for me was because she didn't want things to change between us because at work she was a completely different person whatever that meant so after thinking about asking me to apply she decided to change her mind but couldn't bring herself to tell me that i was absolutely disgusted she knew how much my husband and i were struggling and decided to sabotage my chance at getting a job for no real reason i hung up and blocked her it's been nearly a month and we haven't talked yet however my husband and her husband are back on speaking terms and my husband wants me to make up with tori and let it go so that things can go back to how they were however i'm not sure if they can i feel like i've been stabbed in the back do i have a right to feel how i feel or is it time to move on and let bygones be bygones i admit that i do miss her but i feel like i can't trust her anymore had she told me the truth from the beginning i would have been okay but she lied to my face on multiple occasions i called tori yesterday and gave her the opportunity to meet up apologize and explain more in depth she accepted my offer and we had lunch at a nearby restaurant today some of you guessed that the reason she didn't want me at her job was because she could have been hiding something that was correct she told me that she was indeed having an affair with a co-worker i didn't buy it at all it just didn't make sense because if that was the case why would she tell her husband that she sabotaged me rather than keep that to herself turns out that my husband was pressuring him for answers as well and her husband kept reminding her to ask her boss why i didn't get the job that's when she told him what she did she also gave him a completely different explanation of why she didn't want me working there she showed me months of steamy text between her and her co-worker so i knew then that she was telling the truth i asked her why she didn't just tell me she said that she was scared that people at her job would ask me questions and it would come out that she's married the guy at her job that she's been seeing doesn't even know and thinks they are in an exclusive relationship she said that if i found out about the affair she was afraid that i'd tell my husband and since our husbands are best friends he would tell hers she gets together with her co-worker for a few hours after work on weekends apparently she doesn't even work weekends her husband thinks that she is at work all this time she said that having me work there would ruin things as our schedules wouldn't add up and it would get back to her husband and he would question her about why i asked her why she would have me apply and say that she would get me in knowing she had no intentions of having me work with her she said that she didn't think i'd really take her up on the offer as i've made comments before about her work sounding boring and that she was really hoping that if she dragged it out long enough i'd get tired of waiting and look elsewhere the million dollar question that i asked her was what did you say to your boss to change her mind about offering me the job she said she told her boss that having me work there would honestly probably be just a distraction and she wouldn't perform her best and that i was known to be lazy and a slacker definitely not true she did offer her sincere apology and said that she felt terrible knowing what all john and i were going through and she didn't help but i just can't see myself forgiving her or even trusting her again after this situation basically the best friend that i have known all these years has turned into a complete stranger i feel like i don't even know her anymore this isn't someone i want in my life especially after she caused me to look foolish by badmouthing me to her boss i told her that our friendship was over and that she'd better have a talk with her husband because no way was i holding this back from mine a few hours later my husband got a call from hers tori told him the news and they are now separating and he will file for a divorce in the upcoming weeks tori is believe it or not moving in with her co-worker i haven't heard from her since leaving the restaurant and honestly don't plan on talking to her ever again almost 30 years of friendship gone over a string of lies as for my husband him and i had a long talk after revealing to me that he already knew what tori did i explained to him that it is never okay to keep things like that from me no matter what i understand that him and matt have a very good friendship but me and my feelings should come first in future situations like this he agreed and will eventually gain my trust back edit just to clear things up my husband never knew about torrey's affair all he knew was that tori sabotaged the job also a lot of you are saying the co-worker deserves to know and i agree i emailed the hr department at her job and requested a meeting with the woman i had a phone interview with the meeting is friday and i will tell her then about tori's lie and about the affair and i will let her handle it how she wants to from there after this i'm completely done with her edit 2. a lot of you think that me talking to her boss is a bad idea if anything i probably won't bring up the affair but i do want to bring it to her attention that tori lied to her i don't think her boss would appreciate having employees that would easily lie to their face to cover up shady stuff that they've been doing i may just send her an email with that part of the recording attached and a quick explanation instead of going to meet her and yes i recorded our encounter if i figure out how i could possibly post it if anyone would be interested in hearing i honestly don't care if telling her boss is a ducked up thing to do she didn't give a duck about me when she watched me struggle for months and prevented me from getting a job that i desperately needed at the time so why should i give a duck about her she's not my friend anymore anyway she needs to learn that she can't just do whatever she wants with zero consequences so stop telling me not to say anything [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit, r/askreddit, reddit best friend, r/girl, askreddit, askreddit girl, r/bestfriend, reddit marriage, reddit proposal, reddit relationship, r/marriage, r/wedding, reddit wedding, r/engagement, best friend, askreddit marriage, askreddit friend, reddit friend, reddit stories, best of reddit

Id: HfeeSkVo3t0

Length: 18min 12sec (1092 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 10 2021