Parents disowned me because I left my fiancé at the altar

[Music] i 27 male never wanted to admit i had a problem with my 25 female fiance we started off going at it like rabbits and within five years we have s once every few months here's the problem i'm writing this as i'm in a hotel room about to go to my rehearsal dinner for my wedding that's tomorrow morning this should be a happy time for me but i'm just filled with dread i'm out of state for my destination wedding and literally all of my closest friends and family that flew out here to see me on what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life have no clue how unhappy i am i hate myself for letting it get this far i hate myself for thinking she was the victim this started last year a couple months after we got engaged the s dropped off we talked she told me i shouldn't pressure her to have s if i loved her and wanted to marry her i tried talking nicely to her asking if i can change anything to make it more fun for her she would just use excuses first like her stomach was upset or she was tired i told her if her stomach was bothering her so frequently weeks at a time that we should visit a doctor then she would come at me screaming saying i don't believe her which i didn't every time i wanted to go out with friends she would say oh i wanted to have s tonight and if i came back early she said too late i'm sleepy i spoke about this with her again this monday i told her that we're getting married and we should start off our life right and she basically told me that she ideally would love to have s once every three to four months and that if i loved her i would respect her and not make her feel pressured i should have cancelled everything right there and then a week before our wedding but i couldn't even think where to start we would lose all our deposits what about the flights people had booked and all the time off they requested this morning when we woke up she told me how we are going to be sleeping in different rooms tonight because of the tradition fine and then she told me that she's been super stressed from the wedding and how she's looking forward to the honeymoon and she basically told me not to ruin it for her by always bugging her and trying to initiate s and now i feel like i'm a victim myself and that i made myself the victim for not getting out earlier and i honestly want to scream my head off and wake up from this nightmare i couldn't reach out to everyone individually i was kind of letting the responses sink in i never thought i would get so much help and for that i really thank you all when i saw that 99 of the reply said the same thing i panicked i wanted someone to tell me that i'm being irrational and that it will all get better after the wedding that i just had cold feet i told my fiance that we had to talk and told her it couldn't wait until after the rehearsal dinner she told me that we can't be late and i begged her to talk to me i told her how i was feeling and i was begging her to reassure me that she will help me that she'll help us get back to who we were when we first met i desperately told her i wanted to save our future marriage she told me i'm being ridiculous and that i was banned her exact words from going to the rehearsal dinner with my silly emotional state i stayed in my room and cried there was a lot of backstory i didn't share on my first post my parents are friends with her parents and our fathers belonged to the same invitation only club golfing i knew my dad wouldn't have my back and i know so many of you said to confront him and tell him so i did after the rehearsal was over and everyone went to bed i spoke to him and my mom and they dismissed me pretty much told me we can benefit from marriage counseling but that it isn't a reason to cancel a wedding the night before they promised me help after we get back from the honeymoon so morning rolls in and i wake up at quarter to seven wedding ceremony starts at 10 i tell my best man that i'm not doing it i tell him what's going on he's known about the romantic list part for a while but not to this extent i told him to tell my groomsman and everyone else i didn't want to deal with that one of the groomsmen is her brother and would cause issues he's not a close friend but she wanted him in the party i wanted to tell the pastor but i honestly didn't know where to find the guy or reach him i haven't really been allowed to do much in the planning of this wedding just know what to say and where to show up so i wrote a note on those hotel notepads they have on the nightstand i just wrote that since i'm still in my silly emotional state i'm banning myself from the wedding and that i'm going back to the apartment to collect my things i told her to enjoy the wedding and that she should definitely go and enjoy the honeymoon since all expenses were covered by me so now i'm just on my layover a couple more hours until i'm back to where i used to call home i pay the rent but i called my landlord and paid an additional two months so she can figure things out i'll be taking my most essential stuff as quickly as i can and then we'll be crashing at my best friend's best man apartment i'm then booking myself two weeks vacation to hawaii i don't even want to be in this state when everyone gets back nor do i have the power to deal with it right now thank you everyone seriously thank you for helping me make such a hard decision i know how i left seems cowardly but knowing my family and hers it was the easiest for me at the moment i know i have to face them at some point but for now i need to get my piece back also the amount of missed calls i've gotten from her and a bunch of other people is scary edit i wanted to take a minute to talk a little bit about my parents since i've gotten a lot of messages asking about the situation i didn't include this in my original post because i didn't think it was important to mention and that i didn't want to seem like i was bragging about money my parents are wealthy and have a high social standing i grew up in this lifestyle and have always done my best to make them proud i was in a relationship before my ex-fiance that my parents didn't approve of at all she wasn't from a rich family and was too rough around the edges for them and she had a tattoo anyway they always did everything in their power to have me end it they made her feel terrible they made me feel terrible i'm ashamed to admit that i left that girl eventually after my parents introduced me to my ex-fiance her family is friends with mine and belong to the same country club it's a mistake that my dumb young mind back then couldn't comprehend they convinced me i didn't love her and i guess i saw the shiny new toy in front of me and caved i wanted to make them happy so bad so that's why when everyone was telling me to go to my parents about this i knew that i wouldn't get the support and i know that i'm going to be blamed for this there's no reasoning or explaining it away my parents are rational people or kind for that matter i still think of my old ex to this day she was an amazing girl i wonder what would have happened if i was strong enough back then to have said no first off i didn't end up going to hawaii and i don't see it in the near future either the crap storm caught up to me about 24 hours after i landed on my feet back in my city to clean up our apartment i did my best to ignore all texts and phone calls and only answered to inform people that i was okay and that i needed some time my best friend best man has been getting an overwhelming amount of crap too which i feel terrible for because it wasn't his decision at all and i didn't want to make him my scapegoat so i've decided to stay in town for the next few weeks at least so i can help him deal with all this he had my back and i'll definitely have his it wouldn't be fair to leave him when seriously everyone that can get a hold of me is going to him i have talked to my ex on the phone since i wanted to make sure she was okay and wanted to tell her in a short and simple manner that i did not want to marry her ever and how i no longer will continue any relationship with her i told her the reason why again at first she was apologizing and crying which was the toughest for me because i hate making people upset then she was back to blaming me for why she wasn't affectionate or loving or no s like everything i would mention about her she turned it around and said well it's because of this that so i told her that since i have so many issues perfect that we're not together anymore then she became crazy and started threatening saying how she'll ruin me and that she's taking me to court her dad also sent me messages on how they're talking to their lawyers my parents at this point are mentally disowning me if not actually disowning me my father will refuse to talk to me and i've only talked to my mother for a bit telling her i'm all right and why i really couldn't go through with it i've cleaned out my stuff from the apartment i have everything i need back with my best friend with whom i'm staying with i took the cat too because i got him before knowing her luckily i did it all in one day and don't have to go back for any reason i guess her brother is pretty heated and flew back almost immediately because he showed up at my friend's apartment trying to get in and yelling anyway i don't have any regrets except letting it get this far i apologize to everyone for that and i am sorry for it but i am not sorry for ending this toxic relationship so some of the questions i've received are about my parents status yes i come from a rich family and so does my ex-fiance our parents paired us up based on social status and because they were all very close in the community yes i did get a trust from my dad when i was able to claim when i turned 25 so we were are financially involved and yes i do make my own money i work a full-time job and make a great salary that definitely doesn't need to be supplemented if my parents cut me out of their lives and i've gotten quite a lot of questions about my ex-girlfriend before my fiance that i briefly mentioned in my last post me and her met young and fell in what we thought was love she was amazing in every sense of the word just by her love of life and pretty much everything else she was always positive and kind i mean every relationship has issues and we did too but it was just so much simpler back then and probably because we were so young we had great s great times and she was my best friend i'll probably never love someone as much as the young me loved her back then but with being young and idiotic you make dumb decisions and you're easily swayed i've tried to please my parents my entire life with school with my social life with my career and they hated her they hated that she had a tattoo that she didn't come from a rich family that her dad was out of the picture they didn't say those were the reasons but i knew and eventually the relationship was too hard to keep they were terrible to her constantly and she put up with it like a trooper but i remember how hard it was and how easy letting it go seemed especially when my parents introduced me to my ex-fiance a shiny new toy i'm not proud of leaving her and i know that i would have ended up marrying her but my mind couldn't comprehend back then i've had a lot of people ask me to reach out to her and i've had a lot of people that caution against it i've spoken to her a few years ago since our breakup but just briefly i found her on social media and sent her hello it's nice to see you again smiley face and she just replied with congratulations i heard you got married anyway it was a long conversation and we had some laughs but we're meeting for coffee sunday night so there's that now i'm not expecting a single thing and i'm not trying to get her in bed either i will be having enough to deal with for the next week or so but it will be nice seeing an old dear friend and i'll leave it at that if anyone is in a bad situation and you know so in your heart get out everyone deserves to be happy and only you can get you there lots of love it's been almost two months since i canceled i'm back at work still living with my best friend best man my parents still aren't talking to me my dad told my mom to tell me that i'm dead to him and that he regrets ever giving me a dime of his money i lost a lot of friends and a lot of relatives i've been labeled the biggest a-hole by many people and even blasted on social media my ex is a vindictive bee and made up a bunch of crap about me cheating on her and that's why she held off s for the record it wasn't true ever she tried the whole being nice thing to get me back and when it didn't work she became crazy and threatening her family has threatened me and friend especially her brother we had to call the cops on him once actually after warning him not to come back my ex-fiancee has threatened a lawsuit i briefly discussed this in my last post and her family's lawyer actually got in contact with me not sure if it will actually make it to court but i'm going through the process to protect myself with my lawyer i met up with my ex the girl i dated before my fiance i spoke about her in my last update we had coffee and things went great we've been seeing each other casually a couple times a week since taking it super slow but i'm very happy to have contact with her again she's been super great at just being a happy person to have through this time it's just been kind of a non-stop drama so i've closed myself off any social media and even family over a year later and i'm back to say hi to the group that helped me out when no one would my life has taken a 360 turn but i wouldn't go back and change it my parents my ex and her parents are all crazy i have gone no contact with my parents unfortunately i was sued and harassed for almost this entire past year i had to leave my job and my livelihood behind and i've actually never been this broke before it's almost funny my ex played that i ruined her life card and only really stopped when she knew there was nothing left to take well guys i still have my pride my integrity and i also have s i rekindled my relationship with my high school sweetheart the one my family desperately tried to get me away from and we just got engaged there are no plans for a wedding yet it will probably be something small between us my best man and her best friend i'd love to hear some people's experience with what happened after you made the decision to leave i think this very much depends on if the person is dating is financially involved or married or has kids with the person did your friends or family support your decision for those who were financially involved or married did you end up having a messy divorce or financial hit do you regret your decision ever financially it's been rough i think the worst of the storm has mainly passed i lost my job in the middle of the bankruptcy which has been hard but the only way to start new i got rid of social media for a while after it happened eventually i want to reconnect and feel like i have friends again and be part of that community i made a gofundme to help with fees and getting myself an apartment and i started that on my social media that i have my friends on trust me that decision wasn't easy because i was never one that asked or even needed financial help throughout the years i've donated to gofundmes that friends would share for various reasons like car repairs honeymoons pet illness so that made me feel eased in thinking i wouldn't be judged i was wrong i won't get too much into that but it caused me to let go of social media forever no one wants to see a post from the monster that left his fiance at the altar because he didn't want to stop pursuing her for s and especially not a post for help i think i actually satisfied a lot of people because they think i got what i deserved i don't regret my decision because i know it was either going to happen or happen in 5-10 years and it was inevitable when i try to make myself feel better i sometimes tell myself that it would have been worse if i waited and especially if we ever had kids i actually never miss her it's like a rock has been lifted off my shoulder the only thing i miss are the family and friends i lost along the way i have my girl and my best friend that was there with me since the beginning so i'm grateful for that [Music] do [Music] so [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit family, reddit entitled parents, reddit, r/entitledparents, r/entitledfamily, reddit brother, reddit sister, reddit mil, r/askreddit, r/, askreddit, askreddit girl, askreddit famil, askreddit parents, askreddit entitled parents, entitled parents, reddit money, r/money, r/family

Id: Rpw9t0qz6uA

Length: 16min 48sec (1008 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 04 2021