Everything Wrong With The Fate of the Furious

let's get this over with 43 seconds of logos tom tasks when you're the eighth movie of a franchise and your production company is called original film what point do you consider a name change also you have a goosebumps equal and a Sonic the Hedgehog movie coming out soon so it's time to invest in a you and an end for your name in case you confused it with Havana India you see it's different this time because they're using classic cars this time make God deal Dom's in a new country in this chapter so therefore the movie has to manufacture some bull conflict so we can get a classic fast and furious racing before it becomes xxx ocean's 17 identity he knows it doesn't matter what's under a hood the only thing that matters is who's behind the wheel okay then I'd like to see you race this guy driving a 1985 Toyota Camry racing a mile it's like a baker's dozen only with empanadas instead of donuts dumb Donald race to race this [ __ ] and this dilapidated old truck because the movie is unsure if the audience realizes how good a driver Dom really is so the stakes against him have to keep going up even past the point of insanity laughing us nah this is Cuban Nos is there a difference between Cuban nos and regular nas I thought nah stood for a nitrous oxide like as in if it were any different it would no longer be nos but some other compound entirely conspicuous cocaine confounds consumers calculating cola comparisons a Cuban mild on I wonder what the casting call is like for the flag girls in this franchise like they must tell them you won't be in any other movies after this but on the plus side you'll get to show your ass to everybody this is broad daylight I realize Cuba's a foreign communist country but I still don't think they allow Havana streets to be shut down for drag races without some cops showing up motorcycle traffic Stoppers look out by getting a wide space to stop traffic in time and not get run over how have they not already gone a mile yeah yeah I know it's a Cuban mile but they're not already gone the amount of distance I think of Cuban mile is okay this works this works it's not enough for Tom to win this race with a bad car it also has to catch fire before the finish line this is all these movies summed up in one scene honestly also sure this car can drive and drive fast while on fire it's just Cuban fire cue movie yeah but they have this slow tech not want you to figure out if Tom actually won you know it would have been more awesome to actually see the car at full speed crash into the water without five cuts what is this mother Gandhi now you won my car my respect I'll bet ten thousand dollars right now Tom ask this guy for a favor before the end of the movie Jaws was too slow for Toretto anyway so let that be a lesson to you kids you can somehow make a deal with a gangster not fulfill your end of the bargain have a cousin who just happens to be in your hometown who's a legendary street racer try to race your peace car against the gangsters car and a terrible disadvantage had your cousin destroy that car during the race then have the same cousin give you his awesome car and have absolutely no consequences at all they keep trying to invent new ways to keep all these movies titles confusing and overlapping fate rhymes with 8 hilarious ah Letty and Dom's love the heart and soul of this entire four hey wait a second how's that honeymoon going down Seifer decides the best way to get Dom's attention is to fake a breakdown rather than go to some of the many places she's about to rattle off that she knows Dom goes to everyday is this the road you take to your apartment every morning what else is different Dom Santiago's closed how does Dom who has no job and is simply hanging out in Cuba have a predictable routine every morning oh and Dom so I heard cypher open the door to her car I'm pretty sure she never closed that hood also she shows him something on the phone that we don't see that causes him to betray his friends and family I think it's pretty clear she showed him the sins video for Furious 7 movies continue to think we need to know the longitude and latitude of a new place during a scene change the rock coaches girls soccer was probably a movie idea at one time during that Tooth Fairy phase thank God we finally got to see a nod to that cinematic greatness here movie that is over two hours has time for this hey Hobbes this important world crisis needed to be brought to your attention at the soccer game not before not after but now dammit I look at I mean he's just how the openings in case you confused it with Berlin of take my breath away Fang also here's the job Dom and his crew are on mid operation we don't need to know how they stole the EMP or what the plan was because this movie is way more interested in dropping surprise plot twists and girls soccer on you than giving you details of a heist or character motivations also also why did the movie give us that scene showing Charlize talking to DOM now we know to expect something weird from him imagine if we experienced this job the way his teammates do and learn of his deception on the spot that would have been way better bombs away seriously how did the team get in here and set up all these bombs and gadgets without anyone seeing it and this mugger is attached to a wrecking ball I don't care how he did it someone would have noticed also why not set up bombs on the roadway instead of hoping the wrecking ball plan works oh it's so we can see all those cars get hit by a wrecking ball isn't it alright earn that paycheck Tyreese by the way considering they didn't tell him about the wrecking ball plan couldn't have like died Hobbs survives all kinds of this oh great another airstrip I wonder if this one's also twenty-two miles long barely a car trip Lane can just land on a dime going whatever speed it was going allow a car to drive onto it and fly straight up into the air with its rear cargo entrance still open and no one in the control tower was able to ID that planes transponder signal or decipher where it went after this using radar honestly this movie suggests a successful takeoff is all this plane needs to get away with it but that's not how airspace works Germany would be scrambling some fighters right about now why did lady go to Berlin bring keepsake pictures of her and DOM and put them in the glove box of the borrowed or stolen vehicle she drove during the robbery Dom is clearly communicating with somebody that's above hey hey remember when they introduced Ramsay Bolton I mean missandei to the Fast and Furious crew and she was some badass hacker or some yeah they still haven't given or anything to do ecords in the same prison what are the odds that Hercules I love our characters in both Central Intelligence and fate of the Furious refer to the rock as Hercules as if this meta joke is something side-splitting Lee hilarious this prisoner rivalry is still going on cuz we run from we don't settle fights by throwing bomb that's funny because we're on from [Music] what what also if teasing one sells camera electrical thing he opens all the cells then the designer of this prison is facing a serious lawsuit after this is editing and this camera works the rock sponges are made of dynamite or a sharknado or some omnipotence this pronounced makes me wonder why you can't steal the MacGuffin thing back via your own general godlike abilities rather than recruiting a bunch of car thieves a location so undisclosed the movie doesn't even know six eight nine ten so literally half the Interpol top ten is made up of members of this group is that even possible listen TP Cooper still out there her digital identity is scrub every few seconds worldwide what also despite this we knew who we were looking for when we took this picture of her I'm bringing in an extra pair of hands you know your mortal enemy that's a big surprise which definitely builds trust between all of us I had him waiting outside until I gave him an electric shock to cue him into the room also this franchise is officially Pirates of the Caribbean where everybody changes they're good guy and bad guy status TIFF it's some sort of crazy-ass narrative and somehow this secret government doesn't have anyone as good as this guy with computers now aside from myself there's only two men in the world that I've ever managed to actually track him down with any success plus one woman so that's four people at least so he apparently isn't that hard to find but sure we still need shown for some reason so like it or not you two are gonna work together it's just like in all those other movies that pairing up to cops criminals that hated each other he still dreams yeah like fresh babies alright they're not in China thanks for holding our hand during this stage Europe's ku2 girl they sometimes give lines too this is interesting why because that's here you means Dom and cypher were attacking this place at the same time they were being tracked what great dramatic timing Dom shoots a whole bunch of glance for some reason as if he lives his life 3/4 through the script of die hard at a time we're supposed to be reminded that DOM is now evil but everything about this movie tells me he's just faking and will turn good at the last second so like this is lost on me we can't bring Brian and me into this can't you just make a phone call do they even have to be dragged into the situation to help problem with putting your foot on the tightest neck as you could never let it out the problem with lines like this is the movie thinks they're cool sounding which they're not but also that they make no goddamn sense oh but Selena from which one was it I think it's the third one no it's a fourth one for sure wait it might even be the fifth one a baby so I guess that YouTube video she showed him earlier in Cuba was of this gal in captivity even so how was that enough to get Dom to go 100% rogue to the point where he wouldn't even tip off Letty or the other somehow unexpected Elena everyone else was pregnant you had just fun though lady was alive this is where the Fast and Furious franchise officially became the days of our lives it's amazing how sidekicks be getting pregnant just before the last time you saw them Vin Diesel's Oscar clip say forgives down a gun and goes through all the reasons why he won't kill her ultimately saying there's a bunch of dudes ready to kill the son you didn't know you had up until two minutes ago I don't know why she even bothered with this exercise since I thought it was already common knowledge but bloated movies got a bloat yo satellites and radar grids all across the globe [ __ ] like an ocean if you say so so you know where DOM is headed yeah New York wait I see online chatting with somebody who knew where tom was headed did he post a query on Usenet or some it would be a lot more awesome to know how he did this even if you had to go through some sort of ant-man explanation speeding like this on this famous bridge brings out zero cops we're Tom just happens to be driving over a bridge that Roman and Tesh are currently driving under that may be the least believable moment in this movie including the submarine crap welcome to our new base of operations aka God's car warehouse yes The Fast & Furious series has always been about cars but this is pushing it to some total [ __ ] this is like all the cars it's neon orange so choose anything less conspicuous dude this entire warehouse of cars has nothing conspicuous I like your beard your planta black Santa I gotta need him daaamn can see this ATM from here which is fine my gas but where is it you and I both know there's no et I'm outside that red building there we find out later that Dom got helped to block the ATM camera so that he could set up some plan with Sean's mom but how did he communicate his plan with everybody when he's being monitored are you saying that cypher trust Domino to allow him to communicate to people unmonitored whatever the case may be he orchestrated impossible connections in an impossible amount of time to give you something back there is no way Dom does this in five minutes I mean coming up gone and I'm gonna knock your teeth so far down your throat you're gonna stick a toothbrush right up your ass to brush him movie believes that we anticipate a rock Statham fights so much that we'll be delighted with several scenes devoted to dick swinging the gods I really is the only true conclusion to Hollywood zoom an enhance obsession it was always gonna end this way it's zombie time oh it was a zombie time by the fourth or fifth movie but at least you're finally acknowledging it why do you even need Dom let alone badly need him for this job let's watch it I guess this is kind of cool and all but this is a super complicated way to get what you want if you've got God's eye you can find anyone anywhere in the world with our connections and know how did it really require a bunch of hacked cars crashing into him to get what she wants take out the lead and follow cars luckily there's a car dealership full of cars we can hack the [Music] remember this is all just to steal a case from one man overkill watched this movie and walked down after finding it excessive now that's dumb it's actually not though Dom hasn't done dick yet it's actually 1,000 autonomous car controlled by Charlize and one hacker guy and Dom is just kind of following along and watching but whatever even after that repeated lecture about choosing inconspicuous cars all these mothers drive out into battle in the most conspicuous cars ever and all that car control utter bull technobabble is just to set up this raining car shot and sometimes guys the visual is not worth the flimsy explanation you weave for it all so seriously there are this many cars that you can hack remotely I don't doubt there would be a lot this movie makes it sound like every single car everyone drives is hooked up to a network target immobilized oh she needed 1,000 cars to immobilize the Russian guy but DOM is super-important as the guy that then goes in to grab the case any hired goon could take over here lady the more this series focuses on spectacle the more they raise the middle finger to people who want even a sliver of logic or consistency in the case this is how the usual suspects foiled New York's finest taxi service only way louder and stupider [Music] and I won't be needing this anymore I think in the warmer tunes I wear right in front of me I mean God these movies everything has to be some sort of reveal looking for someone there in the building right now found your team make your boss gasp before revealing they're here right now he's got a saying he start a new kissing or what first of all the police even broadcast that panic-inducing information on channels they know some citizens and journalists are listening to also how would anyone know that this soon after it happened in order to even broadcasted on police scanners in the first place I don't know it's funnier but there's nobody who needs to go down this street or that this guy just totally ran a red light and didn't give a [ __ ] or these people casually sitting down next to the cars watching the movie if only there were cops in this city this is so clearly impossible that the filmmakers cut several times during this book to cover up all the times this car crash doing the stunts let me put together the scene and it's clearly never driven in Manhattan before miles of open road enough to stare down at your ex enough to engage the nos somehow of all the stupid they tossed out in brainstorming for this movie car harpoon still made the final cut or carpoon if you will I love how these movies show cars that are clearly already going as fast as they can complete with a nonce injection and yet there's always another gear that these [ __ ] can try like there's a theoretical notch on the stick that summons Dumbledore to make your ride sicker about 2,000 horsepower in that thing try whatever it is it's bull five government made cars can't stop this thing also does nobody have a gun that can shoot out the tires go well Dom to speak reacting to fake killing Deckard let it be ninjas up on him and steals the case somehow you can in town feel bad for Charlize Theron's in this movie because for half of it she's by herself looking at a screen delivering pointless lines I don't know why you're doing this but I know one thing you better have a previously heretofore unknown young son being held hostage or so help me God I will just take it from a dead girl love is what finally makes Dom abandon his evil character and Brik good love for Letty over love for his son or something I don't really think character motivation is something these movies give much thought to Deckard he didn't make it movie flat-out lies to you to set up a stupid reveal later but also why are they sad about deckert's death he was the villain in the last movie they don't exactly love that guy right [Music] so I turned off all the lights and waited until you got here to set up the surprise I'm gonna kill your baby party [Music] this kid would not be calling Dom Dada on his second encounter with him this is one of the cheapest ploys to pull audience heartstrings ever no now they're gonna have to find a babysitter Connor wait he's also linked to somebody I'd quite like to forget this movie just became Spectre all of a sudden hey you remember all those characters from previous chapters they're all tied to one main baddie somehow even though that's clearly impossible taking your son got me the cards no cards well get me the nukes yeah but shouldn't you have done something with those codes as soon as you got them you know besides setting up that elaborate threat to kill Dom's baby mama and kid doesn't Russian know that somebody has their codes and are changing them at this very second or nuclear codes that insecure that if they got stolen someone really has this kind of power the problem we've had with tracking cipher is there's nothing to trace except for the satellite blind spots that jason statham figured out to track Dom's secret flight to New York City but he didn't bother teaching anyone that so I guess that knowledge died with him we got to call this in all the way up the chain but unfortunately the Russian Minister of Defense got himself involved a little incident on u.s. territory and two governments aren't talking to each other for a while but who so you shouldn't even try is it really that simple of a reason come on we're talking about goddamn stolen nuclear codes here not shooting down a spy plane pray that the apocalypse doesn't come knocking on your mama's front door the rock has reverted back to full WWE mode these days and it's movies are suffering for it take whatever vehicle you want all bets are off yeah but you're going to ice Russia and yet some of these fools will still choose Lambos and stupid act like that [Music] do they parachute these cars on top of this mountain are you telling me Russian airspace is this awful they didn't spot a large cargo plane flying through here or that the separatists who control this base somehow missed them yep about to drive dangerously on ice and snow in a goddamn Lambo commonsense be damned again and left for dead on the side of the road I mean really only three of the five heroes make sensible snow vehicle choices I tried to take a piss I recognize that's a dick joke right there if dcmp is as powerful as this movie says it is then why doesn't it also stop Dom's car dead in its tracks you know since it's on top of it I think cycle just rebooted that sub to slave its commands sister crate are you telling me this nuclear submarine can be remotely hacked just because cipher used the EMP a nuclear submarine seriously if you can get me into that wheel house I can tap the network and counter hack cipher look I know this car was made by God or whatever but now it's able to crash into a building and an armored truck like they're not even there don't look the bad guys are at a facility that has all these exposed gas tanks around so things can explode easily isn't that nice knock knock open up the door it's real who is where you don't care guys oh just tired actively hope Dom dies or at the very least fails every time he does a stunt like this on top of this he even kills a ton of bad guys in the process it can't be this good or lucky it takes all the tension out of the scenes when the guy doesn't ever lose how do you like this well it's taken roughly a movie and a half for Ramsey to actually do anything and we know she's a crazy good hacker I find it extraordinarily laughable that she could counter hack cipher this quickly since she's supposed to be equally good not better hi Vamsi and then she counter counter hacks and I wonder how these two amazing hackers don't have any protections in play when they're off doing their hacking yeah my computer can totally show you detailed heat maps of people running around inside a nuclear sub [Music] gods I my ass she's just God by the way all this punching and kicking and yelling is just doing anything for you these are the scenes with the characters who have nothing to do or insert it into the action to fight basically faceless drones inducing yawning he's knocked me out weird that she didn't do that before what in the hell are you guys doing it'll be labeled guidance go why didn't you say that in the first place yep you've got the upper hand on one person when your entire base just got done time for a good cackle which will ultimately lead to your demise this is like the guy who sacks the backup quarterback in the fourth quarter in a game his team is losing 67 to 3 and we have a countdown I'd like to remind at this point that cypher got access to this missile because she stole nuclear codes from a Russian Minister of Defense the space was taken over by Russian separatists and yet the Russian government was still in control of those missiles apparently they didn't bother to change or remove those codes from the nuclear football when those guys took over I find that unlikely but ain't I guess stupid things happen in the real world all the time we got the chip no nukes for her what are you a nuke Nazi God we got company a lot of company a lot of military company are they supporting Charlize or just defending a Russian base who knows who cares and who let the dogs out you have no sympathy from me Tyreese you chose the Lambo knowing you were headed to ice Russia personally I feel like this is payback for years of coasting on your part despite the fact that Roman is comically spinning on the ice the Russian terrorist guys can't hit it or really anybody they're kind of a terrible group of thugs actually I don't even know how they took this base over in the first place well we contemplate whether DOM wants to put this car in gear who's taking care of his kit it's there really a bad guy who's feeding his son and changing diapers I would love to see that movie oh wait maybe not forget what I said tange starts blasting away and instantly hits one of the trucks something that none of the [ __ ] behind him could do for a full minute of blasting I don't look this one is going to take out more trucks reminds me of that old adage life is always fair and full of constitute good luck okay so how's he holding on to the outside of the door remember the doors closed until the tank rips it off so once that tears off he better be holding on to the inside of it or else he's done for maybe once it rips off he grabs the outside but that would be an incredible feat considering the speed at which all this takes place come on guys kill him sweep the leg if DOM is constantly being monitored on this operation then how is he getting away with these obvious shenanigans okay so Dom shot Deckard earlier and to no one's surprise except cypher he's still alive my question is how did they plan this remember all this how did Dom know it would come to this as luck would have it this entire scene leads to the moment where Deckard is able to chase him to a secluded area to fake his death also with God's eye how did cypher not track every movement Deckard made until she could confirm his death see I told you but hilariously the movie made him so paper-thin in the opening scene it doesn't trust you to remember his face and has to literally show you who he is also you movie you mean DOM ask this guy from the beginning to fly from Cuba all the way to New York City to do five minutes worth of work doesn't Dom have like closer connections who could easily do this job congratulations Dom you just killed your son no stupid his cipher right now she saw the transporter and bard the Bowman three minutes ago does she really think Dom would be so arrogant if he didn't have his son secured you're wrong I just saved by the way to play the devil's advocate here and I will since charlize theron is in this movie DOM is still owing to arrogant here dealing with cypher for all he knows she's crazy enough to crash the plane with her the Shah brothers and his son on it what would you know we start crying fast and furious crew must have started praying because dawn in his supercar a literal day who sex machina comes to the rescue also they made a car that is too awesome in this movie no flaws whatsoever you're literally Superman in this car not setting the baby down before fighting god damn this scene seemed just broke the encounter meanwhile a movie still has the audacity to steal the kid has headphones on during the gunfight scene from face off how did the submarine catch up to the cars if you're telling me the cars are only going 40 miles an hour okay maybe I'll believe you look they're going pretty much full speed as best they can hour tops correct we got this are you okay are you okay breathing Dom foolishly believes this indestructible car can be destroyed by a heat-seeking missile it could just put this in park and watch the thing harmlessly glance off the sideview mirror well they finally did it the Fast and Furious franchise just jumped us up no no you this movie that is not how fire works a handful of cars around a guy generally will not save said guy from damage during a raging explosion fire just FYI how did you find me if Dom gave cypher a necklace by which Deckard could track her oh I didn't he pass this information on to his team as well they lucked out finding her in Russia by guessing her most logical target but that would have been really handy information to have no matter what why did Deckard's death need to be a surprise to the team there's only one flaw in your plan what's that that's extremely presumptuous on your part but anything that gets us closer to the ending of the movie is fine by me is this all kind of nuclear ISM happening this ice relax without the trigger tips those nukes are harmless not to mention the entire sub exploded a minute ago you think the nukes survived that is it gonna be Revenge of the Nerds or the Dark Knight obviously this isn't even a real choice when it comes to movies but this movie really saying that Ramsey wants either of these guys at ease her only choices in life is she even considering going out with one of them I would have loved it if she suddenly had a girlfriend or a great worm you've heard me say you never turn your back on family nope never heard you say that once in one movie it's a new concept you just invented right now well I finally figured kill my car I came in [Music] I believe that's the cyber-terrorist known as cypher I know Franklin Harry stay the case when the mojo meet him order move you are nine hours behind the toughest target you have ever traveled how'd you get your balls with fries enough got to keep moving that's the secret walking is good Fighting's better things best Eva's phone Cindy honey I want to buy them all I will have them all or take none she's confessed oh shoot the glass

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 7,691,144

Rating: 4.862226 out of 5

Keywords: wave jockey job

Id: uuCo7mHUQJs

Length: 25min 54sec (1554 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 31 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/lyndonium]

A moment of silence for the Sin Counter

[u/Hydra_Master]

Jeremy's acting during the sin counter death is better than anything from the whole Slow and the Curious franchise.

[u/Castriff]

I haven't laughed that hard at a Youtube video in literally years. I'd ask for more sins involving Chris, but that would only make the spectacle less rare and exciting. I just want everyone to know this channel is hilarious. Eat your heart out, Jordan Vogt-Roberts.

[u/JuanFran21]

The sins counter will turn up 3 movies from now with amnesia and working for the bad guys, don't know why everyone is so worried.

[u/LuckstYle]

That was actually hilarious, more so than usual. FF is an easy target though.

[u/ROBOT_B9]

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the next Fast and Furious involved time travel. They're stupid enough to do that.

Poor sin counter. Get well soon, little guy. :(

[u/Meta_Boy]

... are we gonna need a really good movie with lots of sins-removal on Tuesday?

[u/Baduel77mao]

Just as a reminder of how far we've sunk as a movie going society, this movie was still fresh in Rotten Tomatoes

[u/5tormwolf92]

I see a plot hole. Why didn't the hot Brazilian cop lady not contact Dom since that baby was born......holy shit FF6, Furious 7 and Fate of the Furious takes place at the same year!