Everything Wrong With The Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift

[Music] right out of the gate movie is a dick to people with epilepsy also why are there metal detectors outside the school splurge on weather resistant metal detectors or is this just some idiotic plot device to make Shawn look like more of a badass when it actually just makes him look like he favors large belt buckles how was the [ __ ] mascot kid able to fit through the metal detector in the first place and why does he already have all in the mascot costume did he wear it at home and then drive to school with his gun this teacher writes some masks on the mark of a word and then walks over to this other marker board and simply it's Monday on it then goes back to the map also this is the most complicated series of instructions for 8 x equals 72 I've ever seen I mean X is 9 goddammit it's that simple and she not only writes the same equation down twice for some reason but she's also making solving for x the most confusing thing ever who since one for the racist Indian mascot and a second one for the racist Indian pinata so it's come to this the Fast & Furious franchise unable to get Paul Walker Vin Diesel and others to come back for a third movie rated home improvement 4 star 7 years after that show went off the air Sean goes to a fancy school where they offer slo-mo car repair as an elective giving him an unfair advantage to star in this franchise if they aren't painting him purple to make him look like grimace then this is a terrible waste of bullying this movie was written this [ __ ] football player carries around a spare baseball just in case Lucas black from Slingblade talks to his girlfriend and needs to smash his window with it also this kid certainly has one hell of an arm he's able to completely bust through the rear windshield of this car just by throwing a baseball also also also the ball went through the rear windshield passed through a wormhole that exists in the back seat then came out behind the car this movie took great pains to show us that Shawn had put the wrench back in the toolbox so what is this supposed to be it's either the dumbest misdirection in the movies first five minutes ever or it's a continuity error either way it's sinful as winner gets me mean sexy and all but also the movie thinks it can avoid the women are prized to be one criticism by having this girl volunteer herself as the prize no one's working in this large development during a weekday either this subdivision really feels the effects of the housing market crash two years before it actually happened or the symbol this truck that is not part of the race is able to keep up with two cars that are custom built to go fast back in 2006 there were many issues people faced every day and we dealt with them the best we could but two movies cars and the Fast and Furious 3 made clear that many Americans suffered from the embarrassing inability to drift these movies need to explain how when Sean was way behind he caught up in a matter of seconds but now that he's caught up and on a completely different Road he can't pass the guy he's so easily caught up to this prompts clay to do the thing he should have done ten minutes ago drive faster than the other guy Sean bust through a framed house with little to no damage to his car because his car only sustains damage when it's convenient to the plot they survive this and Sean survives all this this seems like an awkward time for a Tabasco product placement movie wait a minute who was in position to record this when Sean did his stunts there was no one around with a camera only one set of parents show up for clay and Cindy which makes me think that they're brother and sister so now I'm in some kind of Flowers in the Attic subplot that's way more interesting than Sean moving to Tokyo and learning how to drive sideways so where are we moving this time why does everyone seem to think you can avoid being prosecuted for a crime by moving to a different city this kid broke several laws they can move on they want but he'll still have to go to before a judge in the town where he committed the crimes in case you confused it with Tokyo french guiana sean is upset that his single adult dad has a woman over because if Sean isn't getting laid then no one should get laid but your mom she said the 7c we're a day ahead of you in Japan which would mean it's the eighth in Japan which would mean the seventh came and went and you weren't at all concerned that your son didn't show up at the airport yeah but which train how does he get to the station which one is his stop doesn't need to make transfers can I read the signs to be able to buy a ticket so many questions left by this note Sean makes it to school without getting lost ish ah no one is even slightly concerned that Sean speaks basically no Japanese and is still expected to be successful at a Japanese high school Sean grimaces at what looks delicious did he already forget what American school lunches look like you sell on Sparco Stan well the steering wheel isn't inside his bag because writing meaningful dialogue that would reveal their mutual interest in cars would be way too much work Twiggy's ride is an Incredible Hulk themed Volkswagen minivan because he thinks the name of this franchise is the function and the spaciousness from when you blow your wad man everyone loves semen jokes this large group of car enthusiasts somehow has the ability to take over this entire parking garage at night convenient cute girl we saw at school earlier who also shows up to the late-night street races is convenient Nilo right here quick Elena being able to recall one person's name is hardly indicative of learning speed I see that's funny because I thought this was like a free country is this guy supposed to be our protagonist because he's really been nothing but a dick the whole new day if you saw this dude from any other characters perspective you'd understand why everyone else is a dick back to it you know who I am my you like the Justin Timberlake of Japan hi man this movie can't even get its insult right future sex love sounds was a mere three months away and it took the piss right out of this insult in record time the Mafia this is really Twinkies fault for not briefing Shawn on the potential gang activity in this parking garage the other one that's not kids evidence unless race didn't we see the entire last 13 minutes of this movie in the first 12 minutes is this like Groundhog Day and no one told me take mine this is the worst decision this guy will make today wanna see what the kids got and I have gobs of disposable income an insanely good car insurance so I don't care if he beats the out of my car you know a DK stands for King dream Shawn who is a car and racing enthusiast doesn't know what drifting is forcing the movie to explain it to him and me and you you know that real famous painting the one and a woman who smiling on the Mona Lisa come on you're telling me this dude didn't know what the Mona Lisa was called I mean for Christ's sake pick something different for him to be ignorant about this car right here's like the Mona Lisa a drift worth and even though Shawn has never drifted before they still let him drive it this guy is eating out of a magical Mary Poppins bag of croutons that never runs out it's literally insane that Shawn doesn't kill anyone during this race with his lack of drift knowledge and all by the way how is Shawn even close right now this guy is drifting all over his ass and Shawn crashed like twice but here he is making it some kind of a race it's amazing this movie wasn't more successful it took something really cool racing and made it look like someone aggressively trying to find a parking spot Shawn decides to keep racing instead of stopping and saying you know what you've clearly won this round because I don't know how to do this so I'm gonna go and learn how to drift during a five minute montage and we'll try again next week if an [ __ ] drifts up a spiral ramp and no one can see him is he still an [ __ ] the answer is yes Shawn loses the race and wrecks Hans car which is exactly the kind of Purple Reign or eight my own kind of conflict this movie needs will he ever learn to after win respect watch those other two movies to find out human race and shine don't lie to me I can smell it on your breath this isn't a game if you're gonna live under my roof you're gonna go by my rules oh man movie just unlock the secret cliche prize box tell them what they've won Jeremy thanks Jeremy Moody you have won an additional ten sins for all the cliches in this movie there's a guy in there with the paw that owes me some money how hard would it be to say this guy is a paw tattoo on his shoulder han decides to be needlessly cryptic to create this unsatisfying reveal han is making a convincing case to change the Apple [ __ ] sin to nondescript bag of snacks basically working the same magic here movie continues the tradition of this franchise putting its cars on roads where there is no traffic I call you show only if you teach me how to drift the Senate negotiation how was it negotiated okay so I'd be happy to teach you how to drift in my spare time that as long as it's not a negotiation what's your language context clues and tonal inflection all suggested I am totally down with the drift lessons geez let me state for the record that Sung Kang is the most aural actor in history really stop following me around neela is attracted to show on for several reasons but mostly because the screenwriter told to let me guess your moves around a lot why do all these army kids go to regular Japanese high school isn't there a special army kid english-speaking school they can all attend and why are you letting me race is your DK's kryptonite why though he's been here for maybe a week and all he's done is severely underperforming one goddamn race can do better than 180 can it can catch you they ever find out they can bring in other cop cars to block them off or use helicopters to track speeders they'll be unstoppable movie totally thinks it's the Good Fellas of drift movies ok cars are great and all but I have trouble believing that a heterosexual 18 year old dude can take his eyes off two beautiful women who are giving him attention to go look at some cars crashing this dude's car was the best thing Shawn could ever do in his life why is this [ __ ] being taught to drift on a dock are there no empty parking lots where you can practice leash did they want him to stop the fight why don't they just grab a teacher I would like to pause in the middle of this fight to tell you why we're fighting in the first place you know in case any students / film goers don't know what this is about spit fisting so how'd you end up over here anyway well you know there's old westerns the Cowboys make a run for the border it's my Mexico oh also Han continues to be insanely cryptic because creating an identifiable backstory for this character would be way too challenging and would get in the way of all the establishing shots of brightly colored cars and pretty girls it's a trust and character I need around me you choose to be around you but you know who you are or who you're forcing to be with you because he wrecked your car and you need him to pay off the debt that to one car in exchange for knowing what a man's made oh that's a price I can live with so having Shawn wreck your car proves to you that he's reckless cocky and possibly stupid I guess those are all the qualities of character he's looking for so if you don't drift away in what do you joyful holy Sh this movie is a stone's throw from Disney's brink [Music] you know you can also say hello to meet women that also works also drift seduction also how many tires do you go through per day to keep up a drifting habit [Music] all of that just to get a number sorry setup is required for simple digits than count me out of the dating pool and drift world first dress to his advantage drifting out you in the mounds my feeling they lived in a terrible feudal society where they had to drift for their leashes in order to keep their lands also Han leaves out all the crucial technique needed to actually drift but yeah just feel it and see how that goes again does he mean repeat this shot again because we've seen it three times the guys learn so much when are we ever gonna stop fishing and get married this movie expects me to believe that Shawn was able to learn drifting at an expert level in a matter of months and is able to beat these guys that have been doing it for presumably several years this guy needs to take a drift management class I realize now outsider an insider doesn't really matter all the matters knowing what you really want going after and serendipitously crashing some stranger's car who happens to take you under his wing helps to also Shawn knows what he wants he wants to win a drifting race just for the sake of winning one synchronize drifting we see come up here little kids even before we could drive we cut class sneak out come up here what's the only kids drift so before you could drive you used to come up here to the looking mountains to watch people drift how did that thing happen did you hike up here or did you Marty McFly and hitch a ride on someone's car while on a skateboard also even while drifting Neela is able to softly whisper this story to Sean and Sean seems to understand every word oh come on man look are you telling me that Sean saw this dude get out of his car saw him start walking angrily towards him and didn't think to run defend himself or otherwise prepare for a fight stay away from although only the Uni diving is a good jab I'll help you beat out of him if he promised me a wheelchair drifting montage do you know Dean hey I'm starting to think all the dialogue in this movie was constructed like a ransom note using screenplay clippings of other popular movies like how Shawn made friends with two other people in high school and the movie doesn't explain anything about them or what they have in common there's enough space for them to just drive straight away right the drifting thing is fun and they backed themselves into a corner by making it the main reason the movie exists but would it be way more efficient to just drive normally even with a good honk warning you would not be able to clear out a crowd full of pedestrians and sneak through some won't hear the honk and others will be screwed by their fellow pedestrians and you will kill ten of them before everything's over chase scenes with cars like this can be fun but editing like this is ridiculous given how fast they're growing I find it hard to believe they would both be able to walk away unscathed from this crash Tom's death scene doesn't include Jason Statham and yes that's a sin I'm giving this movie for something that happened at the end of Fast & Furious 6 franchise retroactive sinning baby no law enforcement shows up allowing them to just walk away and casually get on a subway DK knew to find them at Shawn's dance house because he was tipped off by the screenwriter I wouldn't do that if I were you neglectful dad ex machina also how did he get out here in time did his dad sense tingle and he knew the commotion outside was related to Shawn like I left without a note it's been gone for I don't know let's say three weeks and now I'm responsible for my mess I got to do this can someone explain to me what he has to do exactly is he gonna kill DK turn himself into police rescue the girl convinced bow-wow to add the loo back and Shawn's vagary somehow convinced his father to let him go do this I guess that's one way to do it if you ignore all the original mistakes he's made all by himself also was he saying that Shawn's mess doesn't at least equal or exceed the mistakes he's made come the gone all Shawn's dad did was be a bad father Shawn's going to be wanted on two continents after this maybe I should talk to come on I'll let Twinkie take this one I know I just didn't hit it you can't just walk into kamata's place man it's all I got so Shawn walks right up to kamata's place gets shot dead and the movie ends with 23 minutes of credits something that they ha would because I mean if you're gonna make it out of commonness place of life don't you need it's cool I figured out wait a minute Twinkie said this is something I think Han would have wanted you to have so did Twinkie mean Han would have wanted you to take my money isn't it Twinkie who is giving Sean this money and it has nothing to do with Han whatsoever the Bailey you can just walk right up to come out his place who knew oh no God a mosque the drift training montage ran long and bumped the learning Japanese montage I'm here now for you a peaceful solution is it a race a race EU movie it costs to cool the cause in addition to being an unexplained friend this guy also serves as the narrator luckily Sean's dad just happens to be working on a car that could easily be retrofitted with street racing parts for this finale to happen this dudes nickname in the army was God in the machine is this our third and fourth montage I lost count also after Sean requested the race did he get a full week or so to prepare for it the accused overlords must have said I agreed to the race but first get in a good week to prepare you know what make it two weeks and here's 50 grand to start your new business DK picked his role for a reason this is his mountain and he's got some barrels he's gonna throw at you as I see the old man get out of the car I'm wondering why did he even agree to this this is a massive waste of time the stakes are loser leaves town for good so what he doesn't get anything from that arrangement Sean I already gave him the money han owed if he loses he doesn't die or learn a lesson or have to give him more money this is a bullsh man I was hoping this dude was gonna use his bra to start the race Kyle watching this on their cellphones even if there were invisible drones filming it there's no way those mid-2000s era cellphones could play back live streaming video have you ever tried to stream anything on edge Network that was the fastest looking thing at the time I know they're all about drifting but they could easily turn around some of these corners normally and as far as I know you don't get bonus points for style in this race nor do you get a little power boost coming out of the slide like in Mario Kart 64 it's just whoever gets to the bottom first all right and here in this case who's recording this part of the action there's no one around to broadcast this but yet everybody looking at their phone sure seems to see the race perfectly clear and their tiny ass screens this camera move illustrates the cliff that Sean might tumble over if his car continues to do what this camera just did which is to confuse us as to how far away Sean is from this clip I couldn't really see what was going on but I definitely smelled some [ __ ] it's too bad I don't know how far away from the finish line these guys are giving us a course and some updates on their status might have made this exciting DK conveniently and impossibly falls right in front of where Sean is driving only so this shot can exist and he survives this party's been being everybody around Asia - well you heard wrong because Furious 7 makes you a liar because Dom didn't come to Asia to beat a whole bunch of people racing he came here to pick up Han and yes that's not only a retroactive sin for a future movie but that's also a sin we already mentioned in the Furious 7 video take that furious let's do it okay I want to raise setting new huh and why the [ __ ] does he want to race why can't they just sit and talk about their dead friends because we got two minutes left and that would require a writing dialogue alright though I got another good time yep you're just in the middle of all that Jason Statham book in Furious 7 it can wait Darwin Awards buy ad space at the end of this movie [Music] [Music] you know so how'd you end up over here anyway well you know there's old westerns the Cowboys make a run for the border this is my Mexico don't change the subject just answer the [ __ ] question my crazy boy get cool boy got a rocket in your pocket [Applause] [Music] go ito yung photonic given you a yoga so good at a torch image Tom oh are you carry Varela to avoid a gaudy a my home it's

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 5,157,721

Keywords: review, wave jockey job, mistakes, eww, cinema sins, tokyo drift, movie, fast & furious, cinemasins, the fast and the furious, everything wrong with

Id: iw9cOQPexh4

Length: 16min 42sec (1002 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 13 2017