Everything Wrong With Transformers The Last Knight

[Music] while this logo shoots meteors into the air I've got to ask since we're on the fifth Transformers movie has anyone figured out why these movies need to be 150 minutes long the dark ages that's pretty vague if you care about history at all no one knows who's fighting who or why you should care and this battle scene comes with all the clarity and sensitivity you'd expect from the guy who made pain and gain and a few other movies I'm forgetting it's almost like the studio said man that guy ritchie king arthur movie is gonna do gangbusters let's feed off the inevitable wave a popularity by making our movie tie-in somehow look this movie is only two minutes in and even I'm willing to admit I'm hoping this [ __ ] was talking about the end of the movie five full seconds of this guy drinking he had this last little nip of alcohol and then did all this writing magic does exist three minutes into the picture Anthony Hopkins starts narrating about magic I'm not sure whether this movie is Thor now you see me there are theory in tales or no apart too but you could have started here and speared me the terrible battle scenes this movie opened well Merlin's been on screen for less than 30 seconds but it's already exceeded the entire alcohol intake of Valkyrie and Thor Ragnarok it's awful I mean you should see the editing in the camera angles honestly a three-headed transformer dragon we're really doing this transformers are declared illegal on earth world to set up a new paramilitary force exposition dump is dump Captain Cuba Castro lets them son on his beaches yeah but why does this bring in tourism dollars and do these huge complex machines really enjoy the heat mojito needs ice god damn it robots discount Stand By Me movie saves money by reusing the footage from Bane's attack and the Dark Knight Rises hey man your shirt says basketball is my girlfriend I want you to step back and understand the optics of what you just did none of these idiot kids breaks a bone during this bone breaking tumble Isabella winds up to throw these bottles which the security guard robots eagerly shoot out after she throws them but why didn't they take a shot at her winding up to throw these bottles in the first place do they know she's one of the protagonists armed and hostile I got kids in danger fire we really need to protect those kids now fire your missile the giant transformer that's just two feet away from them jeez when these kids decided to go look for some dead robots I bet they didn't expect as homeless teenage girl to help them or to see a random mark Whalberg patrolling the streets it's like this place is a hotbed of X maka Tiffany they still haven't fixed his [ __ ] voice box hey guys I'm having a problem I want Cade to find the talisman somehow how do I get it to him when he left it with the dying transformer I know let's have the talisman grow legs and be able to walk on its own this mound of cocaine isn't gonna snort itself I see the transformer suddenly have the ability to iron giant they're separated body parts back together that is not awesome also how did breaking himself apart then pulling himself back together give him any discernible advantage in taking out a dozen puny humans oh do it big Merida was this [ __ ] the whole time was he sitting in a Jeep watching all five seasons of Las Vegas horribly my invitation to this ass-kicking must've got lost I don't know it just got lost in the screenplay I'm pretty sure this is page 14 but it got place where page 19 normally goes also Oh John Goodman I've seen this franchise solely some great actors John Turturro Kelsey Grammer Stanley Tucci King Anthony Hopkins but this one hurts the most I think also bearded cigar-chomping transformers let's discuss the evolution of that either like tagging with machinery as intricate as bumblebees how does he not feel the tracker getting shot onto his rear spoiler and even if he couldn't feel it seems like he could at least be able to be worn by something I mean this is a transformer who can tear himself apart and reanimate like The Iron Giant for chrissake oh great another goddamn artifact it's insane to me that we've watched four movies and not once did anybody bring this weapon of ultimate power up I am Quintessa the prime of life why is Optimus so certain that the Transformers God is responsible for the world dying all she said was your world is dying and I've been waiting for you and meet your creator what she didn't say was all this you see around you I did that in case she confused it with England EU the talisman has been bestowed you mean just because the talisman which Kade refused decided to walk into his car and he picked it up that makes the talisman work no one will be seated during the crucial and exciting polo scene we perpetuates a lie that's supremely attractive women like Vivien are single because of some sort of character flaw why why do we tell ourselves these stories Looby takes what I entered under my breath while buying a ticket and works it into the actual film dialogue you that's what people in America do they go to Chinese websites to look at Lamborghinis drop the cluesive right now while mark wahlberg us is exasperated mark wahlberg comedy routine i'm wondering does cheap Sherman's cruiser factor into this movie's plot at all or is this movie just being a dick and wasting time what's he doing here notice how someone in the movie asks a perfectly valid question and then the movie creates a distraction to not answer it seven signs of the Apocalypse and that talisman showing up here is numeral know isn't that great that they created day trader basically tell cabe what this talisman is and he doesn't live in this junkyard so how does he travel around without the TRF knowing you're coming into your power now barely transformers are born as babies slowly grow up which is one of the stupidest things Michael Bay has ever signed off on and not saying something wait alien robots are arriving on earth and numbers to hide account sports stadiums are smashed entire sections of major cities are quarantined but they're still [ __ ] holding car races somewhere in the world oh this has been yeah there have been so many short cutaway scenes in this movie causing loose threats I could read it the hypothetical sweater from Weezer's undone Ludi stops in China for three seconds and then immediately whiplashes you into Jordan is anthony hopkins playing hannibal lecter again because he looks like he's in a completely different movie in this shot I mean what a first name out of Megatron's mouth for which of his crew he once released from prison is this little twerp I realize you want to introduce new BOTS but Jesus I can't make this up transformers is now stealing a page from Suicide Squad straight BOTS in for bank robbery why is he in for being a Decepticon and why would a Decepticon need to rob a human bank nitros Zeus hey guys you accidentally put a Hasbro commercial in here I'm not sure you guys knew that but I wanted to tell you just in case oh you knew that even worse I'll suck your brains absolutely not yes No who did these [ __ ] think Megatron was going to want in a deal like this the good Decepticons why the [ __ ] are they even negotiating rogue our asses bagging these Decepticons now they let them out yeah about that how in the ever-loving did you bag these Decepticons yeah once shown an arrest in these movies okay I'm just gonna say it am I the only one comfortable with how often BAE's camera lingers on this teenage girl am i projecting too much because that whole made Megan Fox wash his car in a skimpy outfit story Decepticons have just been given Yeager's location and despite the fact that we knew said location we are just going to follow the Decepticons there instead of getting in position first and then giving them the location [Music] seems like this could have been done without Megatron and his crew driving down the road and giving away the fact that they were coming for Cait when there are a million entry points to the junkyard that don't involve the use of a [ __ ] Highway kids man they are just the worst also is this how Isabella stayed alive so long openly challenging Decepticons you can't tell me this girl's street smart and then have her do this so wait do you mean Cade set up this trap in the middle of this ghost town to blow up the Decepticons but the explosion basically did nothing and now they're on the run again so what's the point don't tell me he thought this would work Cade knows his transformers transformers five attack of the drones they're dead any reason why this drone with a clear shot misses Cade here other than pure he was him the second drone which hasn't fired any bullets goes to the comic book movie school of fight tactics and it starts rustling cake what are you doing a minute ago you didn't even know what these things were but now you're certain they use facial recognition hello monster Cade I have been sent to collect you I decided to hide out in this random elevator in this random building on the off chance that you decided to run inside guess my mom was wrong when she told me I'd never cut it at the Miss Cleo Institute really England UK you don't say this is clearly the dumbest location texts ever in that it tells us not only redundant information but manages to reduce this location to the vague somewhere in a country it gives us Sir Edmund has made quite the journey in this movie going from the UK to Africa back to the UK in little under a day cymbal look guys is this drone is going to continue to be terrible at its job can we just go on to the next scene which is surely going to be the long-awaited Mark Wahlberg acts with Anthony Hopkins scene that we as the human race have been begging for gah oh good he lucked himself onto the mothership drone they were just talking about trying to destroy a guy what's with the fake Threepio ripoff well I guess if the movie admits the theft that just goes away doesn't kill the messenger well the messenger will kill you wait what there will be no smack service on this flight no drinks no fun this is a flight from somewhere close to Chicago to somewhere in England right why wouldn't you give their passengers something to eat or drink during this trip especially if he's that important tracking Jaeger he's over the pond right now wait I thought you were tracking him from that homing beacon on bumblebee is this movie going to later reveal these government [ __ ] have a homing beacon on Kate himself literally dissolve at room temperature made from some old kind of goat scrote him or something I hope John Turturro was able to put many of his descendants through Harvard with that line has another name Unicron Cybertron's ancient enemy it dates back to at least 1986 wait you mean you're not going to add great britain - how the [ __ ] are we supposed to know where we are if you don't include that it's weird before watching this movie I never once got the urge to punch words you found a man yet movie fails the Bechdel test so hard that Wesley and university is going to vacate Michael Bay's diploma is this movie trying to be interstellar now Oh No British Megan Fox is in a car that's driving itself movie asks us hey man this tank is operated by Michael Bay just how he says hello but you want to know don't you dude why they keep coming here I would have removed a hundred sins from this movie and an additional one thousand from the franchise if Wahlberg just said merchandising last surviving member of the order of which you can't be serious this goes on for some time but when a movie is 150 minutes everything goes on for some time Burton gives his to kidnap victims a history lesson in his own human lineage first instead of just saying look robot apocalypse soon here's how you help us to watch the killed Hitler don't screw with it that's the what that what I mean chase read a history book Hitler died in Argentina in 1962 and magneto killed him amazing that Sam Witwicky was never told this national treasure / Da Vinci Code history of what Wiccans for three movies movie suggests Frederick Douglass and Harriet Tubman were part of this protect the transformer society when I'm pretty sure most of their energy was spent on things way way more important than that in fact five hundred sins for even suggesting Douglass and Tubman were concerned about goddamn Transformers protect the secrets history of tongs fullness you ever think Anthony Hopkins looks back at his time at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art and thinks yep this was all leading to Thor transformers and red - I'm pretty certain that the conspiracy to keep transformers secret would not have lasted centuries as this movie claims especially if they help take down [ __ ] Nazis it all began in 484 ad Jesus this history lesson is still going around the campfire as a logical explanation a logical explanation unlike this weird cut between walking shots did he pause for 150 steps or did you just not care about matching with other also I was around a campfire the other day regaling a bunch of out-of-towners with a story of Transformers one through five and they couldn't come up with one logical explanation as to why these movies are twelve and a half hours combined any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic Odyssey cloak impressive not really it's a well-known phrase what would have been really fun is if you asked him if he knew where the quote originated before blurting out the answer someone actually convinced paramount that transformers beating Saxon and Nazi ass would redeem this franchise race Ivana I look someone in the movie is providing the soundtrack that's a joke I've never seen before there's no bid oh look someone in the movie is providing a soundtrack that's a joke I've never seen before it cleaved to him by an alien race fused with DNA so this staff made by an alien race has a special I don't know Lansing device that pricks fingers so you can fuse it with your own DNA that sounds made up and yes I know this is a movie where everything is made up only a direct descendant of Merlin himself can weave this instrument of absolute power if Vivian is the only person who can find and use Merlin's staff why doesn't the talisman immediately jump over to her also honestly between the talisman and the staff the wood weakens and all the other pelant is officially broken making you're saying that I'm related to the wizard Merlin suddenly I feel like I'm in an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer as a sudden wisdom book is about to prove all the doubters wrong and pave the way for success what what the what seems like a weapon that should make this whole movies conflicts go away Lexus Chevy well I pay a movie to feature your car brand when every other car brand is also going to be featured why is this movie over 2.5 hours long because of the essential tutor oh and his transformer picker scene and of course sir edmund tear is a page out of his Transformers history book for basically no reason it's just a picture of what he already knows is happening Jesus Christ counted a Transformers movie 1 this British to boot managed to turn into national treasure with robots also if the earth which is actually Unicron was preparing one day for a battle with Cybertron why did it allow Pangaea to break into a bunch of continents remember this is a sentient planet that wants to defend itself one day but it lets its defense system spread around the entire globe if Vivian's dad knew that one day she'd need to know where Merlin's staff was located and he read stories to her like a loving father why did he waste so much time kicking her out of the office what was the point of her dad being an [ __ ] to her all those years TRF in this movie display omnipotence and ineptitude in equal portions why'd you pop the decoy car so far away why do you call it a decoy car when you're instantly spotted and followed in this new red bull system PEZ missile bumblebee is able to transform slightly with unbelted passengers inside without them flying out into the pavement it's at this point I feel like any sufficiently advanced ex machina is indistinguishable from Harry Potter this thing isn't gonna run who said it needed to run the clue was Navy Museum it's got to be with the staff is I thought the staff would be the nobody said anything about them needed to use the submarine to get to yet another ship assign their going to an ancient ship that crashed hundreds of years ago so how did this submarine that was being used by the Navy museum factored into the process for that long and now this the greatest mission of them all if this guy would stop speechifying we could get out of here in two hours or less guaranteed after the TRF decided to hunt Kay down and kill him they decided not to work with Josh Duhamel anymore somewhere they decided to work together again like nothing ever happened what happens in the alien ship stays in the alien ship this character is literally the opposite of entertaining about Windows because I can see you this sub has nine rear windows are those a good thing seriously this movie has time for a candlelit dinner with the two leads in a submarine by the way how the did they even get candles if you assembled all the scenes in this movie that were created specifically to waste your time it would comprise 75% of it oh my God look at that it's a big alien ship which some has never been discovered by anyone for centuries not Jacque Cousteau Steve Zissou or James Cameron you're the last night you figure it out why does he even need to figure it out just before they entered the ship Cade said the ship knows we're here so why is the ship being a dick now about where the staff is I got the talisman [ __ ] past that oh oh look the transformer planet is approaching the dark of the Moon oh yeah I remember her she seemed really important there for a while come all this way for this character speaking for the audience of son I had Kate hasn't even looked at this coffin for 10 seconds and he's already declaring the trip of failure Kate 180 so hard that even the Exorcist demon girl got whiplash watching this come the discount grill Knight wants to know who wants the staff but if the only people who can access the ship are people who by rule are allowed to use the staff then who gives us maybe some of the movies both pious both blah blah protect the staff even though our rules say that only a Wiccan can use it and now a clear whip Wiccan has it let's waste more time pretending we need an action scene black remember zb7 you got to be that Autobot again Marquis sins be after Optimus Prime and then says he's always had my back it's my turn to have his and I'm just sitting here like are you gonna do to help be defeat Optimus stupid Kade hops on top of stupid Optimus and stupidly doesn't die I hate you and Bumblebee your oldest friend literal voice ex machina I would lay down my life for you and that's all it took to snap Optimus out of his evil coma Jesus his movie [ __ ] hates anyone above a fifth-grade reading level it's insulting how insulting this movie is also I thought bumblebees voice was gone because he was missing his voice box and earlier in the movie Steve Buscemi sold him one that made his voice sound stupid if you're telling me this is a psychosomatic problem why did the knockoff voice box work no look I've had it this talisman sat here like an [ __ ] and waited to be useful purpose of this thing has been unclear since it first showed up here and there this movie has given explanations for its power but in the end it's a big old crutch to get Mark Wahlberg a reason for his paycheck also understand the Knights revere the talisman but does that change what evil optimists did shouldn't he still be sentenced to death chamber we gotta figure out what makes it tick ignition combustion fire is this the stupidest line of dialogue in 2017 Sir Edmund pulls out this special transformer cane slash gun which does virtually nothing except ensure that his character is going to get blown the cup in the next few minutes so these horns emerge from the ground around Stonehenge but I thought there were horns around the world that used to surround Stonehenge because everything was once unified by Pangaea is this now an entirely new set of homes also I thought the horns on earth aka Unicron were supposed to be used to defend the planet not somehow used by Decepticons to help an evil alien which conquered hey let's take the 14 year old girl were supposed to protect right to the front lines you what was an Optimus Prime already found because the meaning of this I officially have no idea what's going on now and the account of the ages is etched into the cosmos shut up and get to walk all under your butts here's the standard michaelbay shots from around the world climactic sequence it's sure to be the same as the rest of them they all messed up I see bumblebee has his old pop culture reference voice back probably gave the marketing department the sigh relief sigh the sauce brain literally just flies right into a cliff of its own accord everyone important survives this I'm just gonna go ahead and add 500 sincere because I honestly don't know what the these guys are shooting at mostly worthless characters who somehow found their way onto the TRF helicopter will now prove their work they could have made Isabela a badass like lower from Logan but why do something awesome like that glad the Tony Hale character can act like a villain in the third act of the film because after all what the American people need right now is a man of science being portrayed as a super wronged super douchey [ __ ] wow that was easy the bad guys decided to approach prime using the useless fodder technique but all this mechanical Bri you're showing me I never understood it anyway if this is like watching a movie through the eyes of a Rorschach test it's like playing mist but using a Castlevania walkthrough to beat it now is something so insanely useful not already won this battle yet like couldn't have hit Quintessa with that time stopping thing do you the bullets actually do anything to make it wrong is this like when Superman fights Zod and they're punching each other through buildings [Music] vivianne becomes a virtual baton in a relay race so confusing it's practically water polo why did he take the time to transform into the truck he couldn't fly at the heart of every legend there is truth there are also terrible action pieces the editing no character development and incoherent story and there is also the illusion of female empowerment and body by two characters who could have been way more awesome so you can keep your truth dick we can't understand it or appreciate it not again oh yeah we bought a backup this time few movie tries to shoehorn and end credits scene about these horns that the movie forgot earlier in order to get us excited about a sequel and that sequel is x-men apocalypse anything that has a beginning has an end meal I never looked back that and it distracts from done now you are our last hope comments are not crazy Island [Music] I am what they say I'm a liar I'm a charlatan [Applause] [Music] [Applause] what have I done what have I done what I done

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 5,058,249

Keywords: cinema sins, cinemasins, everything wrong with, mistakes, movie, transformers, eww, the last knight, review, wave jockey job, transformers 5

Id: JAdXTqK06jg

Length: 20min 47sec (1247 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 30 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/DWW_ME_TGTBATU_PM_SO]

Thanks to the editors this is the first time I've seen scenes from the movie with a consistent aspect ratio.

[u/[deleted]]

The magical voice box scene should’ve broken the sin counter. The “Martha” of 2017

[u/Rhyfel]

Does anyone else have to squint while watching as to not get too much Transformers in their eyes?

About the video tho, holyshit the Ex Machina Vs Harry Potter Science Vs Magic and the "Playing Myst with a Castlevania walkthrough" callouts were hilarious.

[u/Hydra_Master]

Every time Josh Duhamel thinks he's out, they pull him back in.

[u/SailorSaturn79]

I read Michael Bay wouldn't be directing the sixth Transformers movie.

[u/Kaos7heory]

There was a 5th Transformers movie?

Clearly I have not kept up.

[u/dumahim]

loved the brexit joke.

[u/SpaceBreaker]

Jeremy is a braver man than I. I could only stomach 4 of the transformers films, yet he's done 5!

[u/thisismyfirstday]

Guys, I think they liked this movie