Everything Wrong With Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw

Comcast and my six words I'm alive for questioning it's August in a metal copper every agency and terror cell is looking for a big nasty super virus MacGuffin can destroy humanity blah blah blah and two random people oh and one was once the bad guy are the only ones who can save the world cliche considering these two dudes were not in her line of sight when she started running how exactly did she known she was about to do this awesome jump kick and roll move glad the Fast and Furious franchise finally got around to introducing Heimdall also why does it even need this this guy's attack probability was 30% would he do anything differently in this scene and excuse me finger pressure don't worry the editing will beat the ass for you never mind that elbow has a built-in computer screen that can calculate attack probability and finger pressure it can't make him shoot straight unless that virus also turn Hattie into a superhuman there is zero chance she has run this far away from the scene in the time it would have taken Brixton to get to the truck two minutes ago the movie showed us a split screen of rock and Statham getting up and going through their daily routine why not just do that with the fighting as weapons none of the it is all that thrilling on its own they could have even staged the fights in such a way that the parallels between them could have been funny why don't you ever talk about some off it's something happen gods get cheated a movie you thought was the ninth Fast & Furious film is actually a stealth prequel to the gluttony victim in seven if someone leaves a back door open it's big tough not to try and use it porn proverbs or staff this payment is disclosed to leave open don't paying them enough to get their mouth shut or in songs now listen have you spoken with your sister Jesus this movie should have been titled Fast and Furious presents Hobbes and Shaw bloodlines with all the surprise family members these [ __ ] suddenly have it it's called Keith Moon because it was lots of explosion percussion permanent hair damage Jesus this movie should have been called the Keith Moon it seems like a good time to bring up the Jason Statham and Vanessa Kirby have a 21 year age difference between them and looking so the idea that they were kids together is possibly the most ridiculous plot point in this entire series and there was a scene in one of the movies where cars outran a submarine on ice Lucas Rebecca Hobbes Oh something got deep well have a guy seem to remember getting a little something like this Ryan Reynolds is a welcome addition to just about any film but I have zero clue if I'm supposed to think he's just being funny or if he's the creepiest movie stalker since play misty for me say hello to the CT 17 virus affectionately codenamed the snowflake while the document lock shows Homs dust a snowflake it actually says it's affectionately codename the unicorn last night she was part of an mi6 team tasked with securing the virus some say she appeared in a movie that you could refer to as mi6 but confusing those would cause massive fallout between your friends he knew as I can see him right he knows nothing Jon Snow so if he knows what Game of Thrones is then why did he say yeah I found Janet's house I've never Lannister always pays his debt this movie thinks someone not knowing what Game of Thrones is then in a twist reveals that he does know is somehow amusing alright who's on the case why not Shaw on any CIA case he's essentially a bad guy he spent all a furious seven trying to kill the main characters and then they wreck Khan Tokyo Drift so we could see that he'd killed Han remember that I'm sure he helped save a baby in the last Fast & Furious movie but he also killed like an entire Hospital when he went to go visit his brother in Furious 7 who do a CIA operative face boss have in common they are two things I don't even toss about we at the CIA believe that when we hire someone to find somebody we need to get their sibling to do it no chance there's a conflict of interest there no siree we're thinking to be able to put aside any petty rivalries to save the world no why good to know our planet's top agencies feel perfectly comfortable putting two guys who hate each other on the same team just for the comedy also why only two guys if the virus is such a threat to the entire world to God exactly why I hate working with you it's your voice it's your nasally prepubescent Harry Potter voice movie waste about a quarter of its runtime on hobbs and shaw insulting each other without whipped for long stretches of time why don't you two take a seat and we'll talk through this what are these guys doing in this other room anyways why would they be recording Hobbes and Charles conversation why is this scene me and you us I've been down this road it's a total waste of time initial test screening reactions for this film somehow made it into the final cut I don't under cover often but if you want to make yourself less noticeable is going for the exotic and sexy library and look the best Avenue to take a lot of nasty people looking for you okay so the only thing Hobbs had to go on to find Harriet was this picture and this map showing places the cameras didn't cover how was he able to know exactly where she was going to be and recognize her with a wig and sunglasses using just that everything hauling this darkly lit quickly edited action scene with Jason Statham is I cancer well good thing this grenade they kicked over 20 seconds ago didn't explode and is still spinning so the chalkin realizes the danger and disarmed it at the last minute when you saw her photo you definitely gave the eyebrow please don't do the eye thing please don't do the eye thing please don't do the eye thing please don't do the odd thing damn it also Hobbes thought this phone call was important enough to take while interviewing the most wanted person on the planet that person he left guarded by an underling that is my sister how dumb does Hobbes not know this you mean he got the job from Locke who gave him a dossier flew all the way to London got further briefings on the mission when he got there and the connection didn't come up once both she's too good looking at me your sister I honestly can't figure out half the time if these are actual thoughts Hobbes is having about Shaw or if he's just put them and vice versa I also can't figure out half the time if this movie is for real or is just punching me in the for 2 hours and 16 minutes what is this place again oh yeah it's a CIA black site how in the did these guys get up here to do this without being detected every time a character survives something like this for the rest of the movie I'm just going to say Jumanji once again why does Brixton need this this seems to be more of an advertisement for the Rox punching strength that it is useful information oh look it took bricks in this exact amount of time to lift the car off himself so that Hobbes and the two Shahs could get away and the movie could have a chase scene nothing like random product placement for a car 99% of the viewing audience can't afford tell me just what the fresh turkey hell we're dealing with here fresh turkey help honestly if the Terminator showed up right now with this film be any sillier I'm going with No well the movie just won't show a scene like this at full speed its slow-mo the only way this is exciting of course it cuts like four times during this stunt so my guess is it is the impossible at full speed and all your movie magic takes all the piss out of it so why would the motorcycle even have that function the real weapon is Brixton and not the bike was there a meeting where someone piped up you know it might be a time when Brixton has to get his bike under a large moving vehicle and then someone else said good point does anyone here know how to build a transformer can rides over lose this car we also might be responsible for a lot of deaths that occurred over the last few minutes including the people on that double-decker bus we just recklessly sent brixton flying through but no need to think about that now we've got more things to punch our way through just got real even if et Alan can control the media like this they can't create a script and upload dr. pictures and footage to all of the networks and have the reporters reciting it in the two or three minutes it took Hobbes and Shaw to walk to the street corner right now too bad summer movie audiences didn't say the same thing maybe they will win fast and furious presents Hobbes and Shaw too to Hobbes to char go to space in 2022 Russian newspapers on one place in London that sounds like you how do you know this is a Russian newspaper that can only be sold in one place just by looking at a Grady photo on Hobbes's phone and how do you know that's the only place that sells the newspaper if this guy's been buying this very specific newspaper from this newsstand every day why did the CIA have a hard time finding the guy does this as a matter of routine and they took a picture of him because he's a person of interest finding him would have been super easy you kill him excuse me no I'm burned the body of course of course of course I guess this hilarious comedy scene was written by Jimmy two times to me two times he's just like job over Nellie he might even say it was the Italian job no regular back channels aren't gonna work this time we're gonna have to do our best to blend in as brother and sister Shaw have pointed out in this movie blending in is not a strong suit for Hobbes and how does he know the regular back channels wouldn't work Locke is clearly on board with him and he's freaking CIA so pretty sure they could figure something out fine screw Bob Shaw is wearing glasses as disguise but this picture on his fake passport looks pretty much the same as the photo that's being shown all around the world there is no disguise on this picture at all hands on your head Oh small company view did that he was gonna slow us down I know Shaw hates Hobbes but that entire Mike Hawk small scene was for the comedy and definitely not the practicality even though he knows Hobbes is gonna get out of it anyway the whole thing stupidly in dangerous the mission in a hundred ways why did she take her wig off there trying not to get caught right that's quicker than I thought yep because I have a secret weapon people actually like me this is the only explanation the movie gives for Hobbes being let go from airport security and to be allowed on the plane and tongue by the way now nobody's wearing disguises Hobbes and Shaw have been on every news program saying they're terrorists for the last 24 hours and if I know TV every commercial break had a trailer for this movie playing on it so they're doubly screwed if they don't want to get recognized any time you never say anything it makes me want to take my boot and shove it so far up your ass you're gonna bidding out shoelaces all week we did that earlier it's not even believable they hate each other this much anymore in fact if I'm reading into what Hobbes his daughter said about two people annoying each other being flirting then these [ __ ] are about to go in the mile-high club want to do an Irish jig on y'all possibly face thousand B okay skip and yes that includes the surprise Kevin Hart cameo that happens during the scene that I definitely don't know about because I just skipped it we're not property out of that goes nothing okay why you have a scientist who created the virus but you'd rather extract it out of Hattie's blood because the plot I know ET on once Hobbs and Shaw on their side so capturing how do you might be important but you really don't need the virus that's insider if you can just make it a group of foxy chicks who steal from Russian mobsters why can't we see that movie how this movie has a cyborg Idris Elba and yet it's way more concerned with what kind of childish insult Hobbs and Shaw can throw at each other than the badassery of that premise Chaka was a job that required one person to show coke to trawl the ice while the others made the music it also requires two guys to be riding bikes and two other guys running directly behind them and keeping up with them somehow so that when I swung the paddle all four of them would end up crumpled on the sidewalk no don't start these guys are arguing about riding shotgun on a jet next argument apples versus oranges to death this drop zone contains neither Wesley Snipes nor Gary Busey damn you guys waited a long ass time to open those parachute didn't you Jumanji [Music] yeah why should we see a good fight it's not like you built it up to be one or anything for once this movie is in sync with the audience I was gonna say Sean might need to remove the half mask from the guy's face but here he doesn't have it even though in the previous shot he did also these [ __ ] are on a time crunch so I don't know why Shaw doesn't simply run over to hobb side and run through his door these doors go to the same place also also why didn't Hobbes door open immediately after he got the access granted message why would these two doors be connected to each other for any reason to have two people open one door that makes sense for security reasons but two people two different doors wait why didn't you use that infrared thing you used before you walked into the bull room with a bull Benjamin so that's all she had restraining her arm a band of velcro she had a cuff on her left hand and velcro on a right which is a mismatch and confinement and when you do 50 shades of roleplay genocide shmatte aside this was the working title of this movie you the fav the world is in your hands along I'm still amazed that Hobbes and char are the only ones taking on this job like as soon as Brixton went to the lab Hobbes and Shaw should have had all sorts of backup on this mission remember this movie is about a virus that can kill everybody on earth in a week look at me how black Superman once again the movie introduces story ideas that are better than this one not only that but they've wasted the premise of the Eliminator in this movie I'm gonna rip the arm off this chair I'm gonna smash him right in the face stabbed him right in the neck for looking that way as much as I enjoy True Lies it's absolutely insane to me how many versions of the chair scene have been created since its release and this just makes me realize I'd rather be watching Charlie's Angel again over there and that is 100% a sip you know gonna shoot me because you need an activation chip to fire that gun feels like superspy hat he would know this and the gun itself would light up or something to tell the user that the activation wasn't set before pulling the trigger but I guess this unauthorized gun usage happened so often that they want to keep its activation secret just in case this very situation comes up right they make a tea out to be the most badass character in this movie but when it comes down to stopping Brixton she has to be saved by the professor I love Eddie Marsan as much as the next person but World's End wouldn't stand a chance against Princess Margaret so having him be the one to save her just seems so wrong also guns needing activation chips finger matches etc to work in movies is so dumb there are too many variables that would screw everything up as annoying as forgot to take the safety off is it still makes way more sense than this common plot device Hobbes just bust through his chains because he's super strong I'll allow that but then Shaw jumps on the chair and does something and whatever it is set him free I hate this entire scene where Hobbes and Shaw need to save Hattie when we see the car we don't see her running when we see a running we don't see the car the rooms aren't even numbered sequentially to help provide context for where they are and where she is never five what that is exactly what happened the Mick Jagger stopped working once had he couldn't fire the gun and then the eddie marsan kicked in and saved all of your asses as ridiculous as what I just pointed out was it still what happened so own it movie because Superman is known for his amazing skills on a motorcycle there was no way that Shah knows there's a magic track that he can drive this vehicle onto he either knows this labs layout by heart or he just got lucky he didn't even look in that direction the entire time they were getting chased good thing this random metal great track was at this exact level of the building where Shah jumped his Jeep through because otherwise this movie will be over quickly wait this could've been over metal great tracks pretty sure this whole sequence is going to be too mangy times 100 so let's just go ahead and do bungee the sins you pretty much have to be because you guys have nothing equipped to talk to each other I guess we just take for granted that you have radios or something but you don't unless you both have cybernetic enhancements neither one of you has it but by the gods of too old for the Mel Gibson and Danny Glover versus Jet Li and Lethal Weapon for something tells me you'll beat him regardless I'm tired me too had a but we've still got 50 minutes left somehow so let's all down on a Red Bull and some who's and get to the finish line these guys have a little bit more than a day to get the virus out of hatty so they take about a 17 hour flight to goddamn Samoa because that's Hobbs his home where his brother is conveniently a mechanic but with all the contacts these two have it's insane they didn't just go back to Shaw's place and get I don't know ludicrous to help from a Scouts mole that is not an easy flight dejar they went to Moscow to get that flight they were in the Ukraine which means they had to drive somewhere around nine hours to get there there's no way this is their best option the your problem is here do this house these [ __ ] flew from Russia to Samoan didn't even call hops as brother before they got there even if it was to check that he was home must have been super easy show your work movie this is goddamn fool he's one good thing came out and everything into that unfortunately it wasn't this movie but yeah I guess Hobbs being reunited with his brother I've never once been told about in previous movies are given to it's about councils a good thing all right we're going to war with the family are those man I can't wait until the Ewok show up in this movie [Music] and the name of a terrible movie you were in so there's that CSI Samoa what this montage tells me is that they don't have nearly enough time to pull all this off but montages are good about making it seem like they do condensing days or maybe even weeks of work down to mere hours so nobody asks any questions how can you question whether they succeed or not they're working so hard man I mean anything is not good I bought the Sigma beaches on the satellite food news she literally just hacked in how could she possibly know that also had he was able to hack et onze entire weapons inventory using just a stolen Authenticator Club I said so much movie accidentally films Vanessa Kirby commenting on this very scene and puts it in the final edit had he made it so that these guns wouldn't work for six minutes but why can't she do the same thing once the weapons go back online and get another six minutes granted Brixton and his guys have no clue that they have to wait six minutes for the guns to go back online but Hobbs sure does so maybe less synchronized chanting and more punching I remember the whole Brixton doesn't want to kill Hattie because they need the virus thing that should still be a thick but the bad guys sure aren't acting like it is had a walks toward the helicopter because I guess the virus is acting up inside of her even though I thought the virus was in capsules and wouldn't take effect for another 20 minutes or so anyway Hattie is the most important person to keep track of and for some reason Hobbes and char just let her wander out in the open because movie even though this helicopter is ready to go and Brixton is getting Hattie on it immediately Hobbes and Cha will get in a tow truck and be able to catch up to them in time to do this book because as we all know tow trucks constantly beat helicopters in racists once again I have to ask how the are they having conversations in moments like this god damn it every single action taken in this movie gets accomplished on the first truck like these dicks are practicing in their spare time I mean Jesus Christ feels like this movie has created a new sin in the tradition of this works and they survive this and that is called he heard this this military-grade helicopter keeps missing with its missile spies it's so good at missing but not that great at miss lis [Applause] [Laughter] Jumanji Oh makes about as much sense as everything else at this movie look we just saw Hobbs hold the helicopter in place with a chain so I don't think he should be losing this fight at any moment what do you think you've been doing ever since you got to Samoa I don't think Hobbs understands what kryptonite is or he thinks that Brock's are Brixton's weakness but considering how much of the rocks ass he's been kicking in this movie that's clearly not the case yeah you didn't need to say anything they didn't even know you existed but good job taking away the element of surprise you don't remember me do you Hobbs it's gonna be a hell of the reunion wow you sound exactly like your dad first off this is the first thing she said on the phone call second off she does not Jesus this movie has more in credit scenes than guardians of the galaxy too job got off shop the last time I put put in if you want to get laid really don't have to pretend to be interested in the pyramid scam gonna warden so say it now say it first joy it's like dragging my balls across shattered glass and it hurts formula has infinite depth and its efficacy and application but it's a staggeringly simple and completely consistent virus gets in the wrong hands that's it it's game over game over man you thinking what I'm thinking pardon aim for the bushes

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 2,415,852

Keywords: wave jockey job, fast & furious, hobbs & shaw, hobbs and shaw, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, mistakes, review, eww hobbs and shaw, everything wrong with hobbs and shaw, cinemasins hobbs and shaw, fast and furious hobbs and shaw, fast and furious franchise, hobbs and shaw review, hobbs and shaw reaction, the rock, hobbs vs shaw, jason statham, fast and furious spin off, hobbs and shaw mistakes

Id: 1gElet5V6jQ

Length: 19min 3sec (1143 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 21 2020