Everything Wrong With Venom In 16 Minutes Or Less

50 seconds of Sony and Marvel logos that are only my second favorite combo of S&M is it too much to ask to include begrudging to this title card I mean even Deadpool couldn't make that happen but it's a perfect joke is like all professional astronauts that are caught in precarious situations the immediate compulsion is to curse and scream I don't care how dangerous the symbiote is astronauts are king unflappable man would it not be easier for someone to just carry the symbiote case down the ladder that's right King there and I'm assuming the case can be handled since it was picked up and put in the pulley that's Sheamus pause for two seconds so all comic book stands can gasp oh the poor bastard must have just seen a bird box demon they're ghosts alien are those things anyway also evil killer wakes up and is able to gather their bearings while helpful medical worker is turned away cliche in case you confused it with San fransokyo big hero 6 - you were perfect and also way too talented to be in this movie I mean there's really no time that San Francisco's this open but this is the beginning of the day right and Siro goddamn traffic it's on the ground today in the Mission District montage exposition hey man that's my favorite position Eddie the bike MIT Wow holy the last 50 seconds or so we firmly established Eddie as a gadfly malcontents social justice warrior that excuse the rule of law for convenience and yet has an affection for the little man and that's way too much to cram into 50 seconds you know what I love about this view it never gets old yeah because all those Millennials keep disrupting tech services launching startups and driving all the older residents that can no longer feasibly afford the house in which they spent their entire life due to rising ah he meant the view of the bay carry on you're just gonna ask him about his space program you're gonna thank him and you go to bid him a nice day damn did Jack not see that 50 second montage about Eddie's previous reporting seriously as soon there are other employees at this news organization that are less known for exposing corruption as their sole purpose in the company anywhere run out in New York last lab car see any organ don't be fooled by the Hulk that he bought he still he's still at it from the property I was going places I wasn't running I was going places rotations position it's like my fifth favorite position Valentine wait the screen savers still on but they've already had sex and had time to fall asleep I really is supposed to be rooting for a guy that only lasts that long also I don't know if there's a laptop out there that shows the relevant bulk of a confidential email while it's on the screensaver which would be easy to identify to any passerby but if there is and if you own one of them viewer I'm not a lawyer but there's not a chance in hell a law firm with an account this big would be emailing confidential reports emails can be hacked nobody boyfriends can open them up etc this will be passed around and a private boardroom meeting and collected afterward before anyone left that guru Wow not only is all the information about brakes failed clinical trial available in the exact same document it just happens to come across Ann's computer the night before any interviews of I bet it's the subtle nuances like this that made the movie a critical darling mr. Drake it's okay don't silence her man anyone that's trying this hard to prove how woke they are should immediately be suspected of covering up a conspiracy to import alien technology for capital gains they try and silence those of us who ask questions but you know what in the end we're the ones who change the world sir this is a windes 24 that's still extremely young right you create the life foundation is it a rule that Tom Hardy only over acts in superhero movies because noticing a trend here I have a hunch we don't go off half-cocked based on a hunch but half-cocked Brock is a perfect title for his new show also Brock has to know all - that's dumb and uncaring as the movie makes Brock out to beat going after Drake the way he did is not a fitting character trait based on what the rest of this movie shows us and it's the foundation this whole movie is built on that's at least ten sins worth of bull ah movies where no matter how long you're employed by an organization the contents of your workspace will fit neatly into exactly one cardboard box what you did got me fired can you use to me wow that escalated quickly he's wearing the same clothes so this is the same day as the interview and even though Drake has an ass-ton of power the firm's going to immediately assume Eddie got the info from an and fire her on the spot was a fin law firm and they should know that it's not kosher beautiful is there really no concern that this is only three of the four highly unstable symbiotes and that one of them is just traipsing the corral Malaysia right now big riot a little malaysia tough guy has got to be tough but they saw what just happened right her arm changed into a medieval sword looking thing a decapitated a dude these guys brought a knife to a symbiote fight seriously six months nothing related to this story occurred for six months I mean even if the symbiote was outside the US there would have to be some reporting on its tomfoolery right like even the incident the Malaysian village didn't get pressed even though it was right by the spaceship crash site making human trials oh it's way too soon to even begin to think about screw through the forefront of a scientific breakthrough I need you to hold your nerve I like rosamma it a lot explain to me how this character is any different from Darren cross and ant-man or Norman Osborn in spider-man or can Ajax in Deadpool just because you have a likable actor doesn't mean you can repeat the exact same formula on every villain Marvel Thank You Eddie broth I used to mean goddamn this is so cliche you could legitimately convince me that I'm watching a scene from the later parts of anchorman I'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song the wife Foundation has now begun preparation as this policy and hipster bars across the country this TV is turned up to full volume during an interview with a tech CEO thank you you're welcome oh you're welcome not content to make the villain as road as possible movie imbues this suppose an antihero with a ton of compassion for the less fortunate and I could not be mourned even if this [ __ ] doesn't perceive Eddie as a threat and he did see him when he walked into the store and you know they do have cell phones in this universe right also why didn't he perceive Eddie as the threat despite being told by movie he's ultimately a weakling he also looks a lot like Tom Hart not even asking to staff there why would he do that I can't use my name I can use a pseudonym it's pretty late though right like definitely nighttime when we established that Eddie was at the bar and then he hung with his homeless pal and picked up a sandwich at the convenience store so why is he calling for job interviews now I don't care what fake-ass neighbourhood this is it's still Sam [ __ ] Francisco and an apartment this big would set you back at least 75 hundred a month [Music] huh I guess Eddie doesn't want to Brock this is day one this is first contact actually it's six months after the symbiotes were collected so it's more like day 186 but semantics what do you see war poverty a planet on the brink of collapse we interrupt this event a movie to briefly bring you footage from first performed I mean this is good CGI right but it's also terrible right man I haven't seen a Drake attempt failed as hard since thank me later also once that thing gets out of the tube how the hell did they get it back in without someone going into the room you have to know how to disappear I was pretty good brave you this may have been an essential part of it he's former drop all we've seen from the montage and the gotcha Drake interview is that Eddie's a wrecking ball not a scalpel so this is definitely the venom calling the kettle black you need to find yourself another white noise I hear Aaron Eckhart's still available seriously the hell is he done since the dark night besides white Olympus has fallen down what are you doing here Eddie I'm here because I miss you a lot scuba nice gift also I'm all for establishing backstory in all hood does this movie ever gonna invent him the closest we've gotten the first third of the story is that poor Isaac bastard open population and climate change these are two things that Drake cannot control yeah is this the first time these two are talking about this cuz they had a phone conversation met up to plan the subterfuge and had to drive out to the facility which were all chances to catch up on the expository dialogue onboard computers indicated the presence of life I mean this is a very tech forward building right is there really no concern that this conversation is being taped via video and/or audio we call them symbiote stimulus well we did call them symbiosis as of the first trailer but bugs out of people so we did this totally obvious ADR to cover it up got it the door just taking all these pictures and sent them to Eddie and given an interview I'm honestly not sure I understand why he needed to witness the atrocity firsthand and there's a lot less chance of anyone getting caught before the story goes public Louie I'm not making light of the fact that San Francisco has a severe homelessness problem but I am calling both on the one homeless person that Eddie knows personally is currently in the cell here it also the alarms have been going off for quite a while with zero response from security I guess they're cool with the potential breach of a dangerous alien parasite remember that one that's loose in Malaysia yeah good times also also even if Security's not there we're the doctor slave Cup she was only supposed to distract that guard for a couple of seconds right to the garage guards not have a car are they just expected to run from their posts every time there's an issue that doesn't seem efficient at all so this is just like the indoor speeder chase in Return of the Jedi except not good what helped me go what all those guys were running toward him and the two cars were driving to him and not one person saw or heard him climb all the way up the street holy newbie just yada yada how Eddie escaped from that predicament how long was he in the tree did security really give up isn't the lab on an island if so how'd he get off Jesus this movie actually would have been good if they tried like 22 percent harder you're fired but we won't have any investigation of dr. Dora even though we can easily and immediately determine that she let the intruder into the lab because she was super good in that movie about a little girl that was good at math it's been six goddamn months since all this went down but this woman has just been wandering the countryside eating people and no one noticed wait Dora knows that the symbiotes escaped and that Eddie was at least tangentially affected considering his method of escape so why does she respond that she's okay he's scientists always making about themselves the movie can speed back my ass but you can tell the Tom Hardy's going for it and this scene alone deserves us it off go home get some rest I'll call you when your tests run yeah but Eddie just straight up crashed a fancy lunch spot assaulted some fools vandalize the place then ate a live lobster and there are no legal repercussions to this and I've seen movies revel in their locations but I don't think I've ever seen one that San Francisco is harder than this you have a parasite they're not exactly sure how you got it this hospital wicked cool even let ex-girlfriends who are attorneys reveal sensitive medical information to the patient did anyone explain how the symbiote knows English while talking to Eddie I mean the host from Malaysia wasn't speaking Malaysian he's right but I need you to tell me who was here with you I can't do no work on the security system in the subpoena app which must be from the 1920 seriously there was camera footage of Bucky killing Howard Stark but nothing caught Bain and Harley Quinn last night opening movie totally waste Jenny slate and that is definitely a sin Teddy where's the buff this scene is total manufactured bull even Drake acknowledged that whoever broke into the lab had been infected so they know exactly where the bug is and if that's the case why didn't they just immediately tranq his ass like Dan did back at the restaurant that's the original tagline for this movie mr. Drake our subjects carrying the symbiote man everyone is super casual about the symbiote being loose seriously this guy sounds as excited as a dude calling his wife after picking up some milk of magnesia at the drugstore he's achieved symbiosis you seeing this yes we are and well we'll never know how or why we know it's convenient that the guy whose life you destroyed six months ago is the first person who has perfectly been compatible with the symbiote and he sees this reflection how exactly this is a power or just a lazy scriptwriting device to show us venom for the first time I leaned toward the ladder and wow what a lame way to show his venom for the first time I get the Drake is a rich and powerful guy but he can't get away with launching militarized drones on a crowded public street Kenny also at this point several drones have exploded on the streets of San Francisco so why are all these cars continuing to car please do not let him get away thank God Drake says this because the first time please bring me back my creature and the second time do not let him get away understand the trees clearly didn't take look there have been some scenes with some decent CGI in this movie but this this is not one of those scenes oh no Eddie's trapped in the middle of two bad guys Drive evil black SUVs cliches eyes so many snacks apparently when the full venom is unleashed so too was a weird accent that wasn't at all there and at his head I mean at this point you're just wasting ammunition right eye and you Jesus that's the deal sounds as reasonable as Mexico will pay for it I thought he's labs back and it's worse than I thought so I figured I'd call you and discuss it rather than wait until I got ahold of the guy with the actual medical issue anyway it is peaceful up surprisingly so considering you just noisily scaled one of the most famous skyscrapers in the city by tearing at its facade I know we need an action sequence here and all but are these [ __ ] they swamp if so who called them if they're Drake's man how they did they know he was here my point in his movie clearly started with how the scene what I'm thinking about why this scene gene Simmons eat your tongue out I mean lick your heart out wait King what a knee not only picks this place to look for Eddie even though he hasn't worked here for over six months there's also no perimeter set up by the police to keep her out god damn this movies aggressively don't right now sure don't worry about these brave men in uniform some of which are gravely injured right now I mean don't even call that it but how and why isn't everyone on top of them right now like they were a few minutes ago well i watch suddenly alone Drake meet up with a little girl that somehow I made it into this secure lab without anyone noticing it occurs to me that this scene seriously feels like it's from a completely different movie honestly I had to check to make sure I didn't have a different disc in there for a second wait how is that he's still alive when every time any of the symbiotes have left a host the host has died look at you ah yes they found the symbiotes natural enemy a single glass pane sliding door I don't know what the hell's going on sure do you want to maybe call someone about the obviously alien substance that's stuck in your MRI machine room I'm not insane what's insane is the way humans choose to live today Drake's infected and still alive he's got everything he wants right so why even go into the expository villain mode just head out to space man where is my symbiote I have no idea I don't know but I guess he's on a smoke break with whoever was supposed to properly mix this audio what are you gonna do you're gonna walk me to death this is a great question considering they've killed many people right there in the lab and had no problem disposing of the bodies but in Eddie's case they're gonna treat him like Paulie and Christopher treated the Russian on The Sopranos this launchpad is hilariously close to a major metropolitan area so why does dry it kill his entire crew I know he can pilot the spaceship on his own but doesn't he want someone on the ground to help out with logistics like Pam and was great at logistics until she was decapitated we won't destroy this wall yeah a fight between two evenly matched creatures in which we have no clue how one can defeat the other also known as the Man of Steel scenario and it must be a complete coincidence that the CGI fight occurs at night I got to see that accelerated alien species still ultimately settle things between each other with a little punching and kicking Jesus and sure does have the sound wave defense down pat how did she even know where the sound doohickey was and how to connect it to the loudspeakers oh cool now the humans are punching each other totally makes a difference in my investment in the outcome of sorry what's gonna happen if the bad guys bad oh then I'm trying to George Clooney riot Sandra Bullock this is a perfect place to put our Skyfall outtake but it's so exactly Skyfall but instead I'm gonna award a 10 extra cents well I appreciate it but this is a little too late in the game for apologies especially since I've sat through nearly the entire thing thankfully into the spider-verse saved us from this nonsense being Stanley's final movie cameo shine I mean does this thug [ __ ] wait for Eddie to walk in here before he holds mrs. chin over the coals you will be this office Legolas faceless Steve won't you going down the street yep this line is what got the fanboys boners raging do with that what you will okay so did then I'm eat the entirety of the thug I understand swallowing a head but not a whole body right or is this like Wolfenstein where the bodies just disappear after you kill them now get out of here and I will there's gonna be double Skippy hey Parker Oh my spider-sense is tingling space says the introduction to The Hitchhiker's Guide is big really big [Music] come on touch it huh come on you need human contact touch it I will not touch it okay for the record would hit it Maria the most beautiful song you have a brain tumor it's not a tumor

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 5,712,901

Keywords: everything wrong with, review, cinema sins, cinemasins, mistakes, venom, eww, movie, wave jockey job, tom hardy

Id: lzT5niqr8YA

Length: 16min 12sec (972 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 07 2019