EVERY Dorkly Bit of 2019

[Music] [Music] well he's at peace now your vegetables you are being rude young man hey that's what it looks like my old doll that I got rid of when I was a kid hey that is a very elegant gorebyss all right pal explain to me the difference between what you do and rue feeing someone cuz it sounds pretty much the same to me many would say what I do is worse since I also invade their minds you sick bastard I'm about to become your worst nightmare well the nightmares of an officer a rare and unique delicacy so Kevin what was it you wanted to talk about I've noticed that you carry five pokemons when you're allowed six interesting choice I mean I carry 20 because you know we're criminals well yes but my five Pokemon night I think you'll find are very strong [Music] whoa hey you're only allowed one Pokemon at a time all right no problemo it is now my turn to attack so you think crime lords take turns my guys go murder his guys Hitmonchan stay back and turn his face into ground Milton you can't do this Kevin breaking the rules why are you a gym leader we're literally the last stop on a scavenger hunt for children Wow I think I get it now Kevin you've you've opened my incredibly swollen shut eyes [Music] that is a lot easier than takin turns and giving thousands of dollars to a small trial it feels good it's just crime I love it having a good Joyce yep electrode get in here and you a self-destruct wait what we just killed a child boss gotta get rid of the evidence in the arms of an angel looking for a change of scenery tired of fighting disabled protagonist well we here at the videogame hedge medics Jade program are here to help you explore whole new worlds for a minimal fee of ten thousand coins rings or gems Hey stealing abilities is wrong wait but then I Oh God am I the bad guy oh this is nice lots of airspace to fly in no plumbers trying to kill us what game is this again oh holy water this is regular water I'm from ghosts and goblins but that does nothing to me and I'm gonna crack you like an egg and drink your brains I'm so sorry [Music] I hate Bahamut scourge of the skies Tina Hoult dragons know my Yuri go come on all right that was a nine nine nine nine so let me get this straight everyone calls me huge scary boy no one's run out with me to death and we don't try to kill anyone I wouldn't leave but I really want to draw a fan out of me kissing you for some reason an extra life oh thank goodness can you help me young man I've been robbed yeah sure just the point to me to the thief I'm at the hero after all well that's the thing I don't know where the thief is all I know is I left 100 gold coins here and when I got back they were gone funky Kong I was saving it for the surgery is it the surgery to restore your eyesight no my grandson's surgery for cancer and the one to fix his spine and also his heart transplant he has so much wrong with him well I I didn't see well extra life I guess someone must have collected 100 good oops didn't see you there bro me Giuseppe was right you are a jerk what was he saying about how you collected 100 gold something I collected the hundred gold rings because I am that other famous a company mascot Sonic at the Hedgehog gotta run quick chili dogs meat oh well thanks anyways mister the Hedgehog come on Timmy let's find you a quiet place to die wait I know a doctor who will perform at the surgery for free oh thank the Stars which are for some reason land-based and cause the seizures that blinded me fYI I'm not really a surgery kinda doctor more of a prescribed appearance and throw them doctor did the pills work oh no you're dead instead of giving you one of these standard Pokemon starters I'm going to give you something very special a Pikachu oh boy my very own Pikachu pika pika I can't wait to have adventures and learn the true meaning of friendship with a team of Pokemon with more proven usefulness in the metagame picker oh you thought I would form some kind of personal relationship with you listen bud we're entering the world of competitive Pokemon even if I evolve you to write you your stats are mediocre and your moveset is limited and with a lowland right - you're just a temporary Pokemon I'll dump the second I catch a Magnemite huh you thought I'd care about friendship more than winning when I see Pokemon all I see are numbers it's math and statistics and strategy friendship is nothing to me thank God not sure if you heard the theme song but I want to be the very best like no one ever was the lyrics weren't I want to be a low tier nothing getting owned by stealth rock picker oh no star Lee's they must be here for my special sandwich watch out Pikachu you you saved me maybe I was wrong maybe Pokemon isn't just about numbers and winning maybe it's about more than that and this Starly equipped with choice scarf will help me figure that out honey I got news I found a baby why the hell is that in our home he fell from the sky I think we should take care of him you know help him out we're past due on this month's bills as it is unless you got a raise wait a minute why aren't you at work I'm I was gonna tell you you lost your job at the factory it's my boss he had it out for me it's always something with you we're broke and all you can do is give us another mouth to feed he needs our help I need your help Yoshi jr. needs your help we don't have money for groceries I'm gonna have to cook my own eggs to make sure your son has something to eat you know I could have married Jeff Wayne right but I didn't I chose to stay oh great here she goes again Jeff Wainwright the bigshot who owns three tanooki suit outlets Jeff provides for his family yeah he's providing something on what's that supposed to mean look at junior am i fat stupid maybe that's why I want to help out this kid finally feel like I have a baby who was actually mine then go beat that baby's father because you're no father to yoshi junior never around no money you're nothing but dead weight get out fine we're gone good riddance oh my god he left that was close he's gone Jeff now it can be the three of us like a real family Papa Jeff has made a big mistake oh hey you just got caught welcome to the team team Sandow is no team player all right I'm the new hotness you guys are old news probably gonna be the main bail around here now so uh all the battles mine oh darn shucks cuz I sure do love battling you really showed that horde of Arceus is whose boss yeah too bad you losers aren't seeing any of that sweet glory that's all me baby that's all Sandile all that XP is coming my way hey did you notice that XP share the trainer attached to you wait what yeah the tough one you're not tired are you we're only halfway through this cave and we're out of escape ropes no no I'm good I'm not tired I'm I'm the man the woozy from blood lost man oh geez he's hurt Oh No whatever will we do get the hell back out there and earn us our goddamn XP okay oh god damn it hahaha he fainted Kevin I wiped out half of all life to solve starvation i won anyways I brought us coffees half cream half should perfectly balanced Kevin thank God Justin I'm Jevon your new villain consultant I don't like cream in my coffee well you got him out Kevin welcome back do you want some coffee it's perfectly bad you got rid of half of all life to solve starvation what kind of nonsense Malthusian [ __ ] is that no no it makes sense resources stay the same is more to go around maybe in your goddamn fantasy land but not in the real world do you know what actually causes starvation I'm gonna be honest here not really supply chains planes boats trucks and you have just [ __ ] all of them with your little snap thousands of planes fell out of the goddamn sky millions of cars just lost their drivers and crashed into other cars so add the drivers in them train derailed entire shipping vessels lost their crews in other words you just disrupted every major supply chain in existence and probably cause more starvation than you ever could have prevented earth had more than enough resources to feed everyone and people still starved because things got in the way of supply chains war trade disputes poverty corporate greed and now a purple [ __ ] who buys and discredited economic theories all right I get it I'll undo my plan the old Venice would have seen two cups of coffee and three people and decided to kill one of those people but now I know there's a better way now I never totally won this but didn't gauntlet very itchy oh yes it was I who betrayed Mario and the Lord came into Bowser's trap you know they don't call you number two cuz you're a piece of [ __ ] they call shits number two's because of you know cyber tone my new body was built with San lava I'm okay come with me Gino I can't do this without you no Beach vengeance has consumed you for the past 45 episodes I'm done letting it consume me time to finally end this [Music] Pete wants her revenge I get it but this is just getting excessive seven years of sending me heads that's too many heads my mailman has so much PTSD right now oh hi boys sorry for just dropping in oh you got blood on my good throne you know Bowser I thought about this moment a lot over the last seven years how I was gonna do it how I was gonna make you suffer for what you did to Mario but now that it's here I just want to hear you scream no making a huge mistake the only mistake was waiting seven years to end this now where's that cloaca Bravo never thought you were added in you kid Mario but you did we had a funeral life I saw the body burnt and beaten beyond the recognition yes it was not easy doing that to Giuseppe but it wasn't necessary if people were going to believe I was a truly bad why why did you want to trick the world into thinking you were dead why did you want to trick me I had to get out the new adventures the tennis the go-karts exhausting but they wouldn't just a little me quit I signed a lifetime a contract unbreakable except upon my death and that's we need to turned on me the only way to Akutan my life back was to die of course bouncer over here was a thrill to hell he shows up his wrath by making everyone take if I already killed me while I get my freedom back what about me what about you you were just another prettier plot device waiting to be rescued you make me sick that may be a princess but you're the one who forced my hand is that a Miyamoto parasol he swore a blood oath never make another guess that makes him a liar donut you know it would be awfully hard to avenge your death well you're still alive oh wow oh that was the most violent revenge I have ever seen oh man I did not know how she'd live up to the hype and build-up of seven years of vengeance but that hope that did it I am entirely satisfied by that conclusion ah hey not to micromanage or anything but I could really use a mercy kill over here you know sorry Bowser not in the killing game anymore peach got her revenge you might wonder what I'm gonna do now - my quest is over all that relax all that betrayal through this even I don't know maybe I'll bake a cake oh my god are you a shiny Charizard you look so rad yeah so I'm told there yeah I mean Python I was a cool Pokemon but now I realize I'll live the rest of my life knowing I'll never be as cool as you hey now you look super cool Fred tangerine giraffe bad thing are you a shiny Pikachu it's almost like the perceived value of a shiny is based on a meaningless superficial quality and every Pokemon is equally valid Oh slightly yellow or Pikachu so why are half of all shiny pokemon just green oh no we're not shiny we just all up look we all just got food poisoning from the same malasada card Oh gross come on hey would you look at that oh it's a shiny chuckle but you're all gonna want to catch me now get your master balls ready folks that's right a rare and valuable shiny shuckle right here for the taking a stampede of trainers coming this way any second now any second now shiny suckle Esther balls gotta get me a tiny circle so I can't do like anymore okay well I'm sorry dad [Music] maybe you could you know visit my mystery dungeon right geez never mind didn't think it would be asking that much why don't we just cuddle then instead really but first could you help me close this envelope you're free now doc Duchess ah have killed the evil wizard wizard thank you pixel Pete now that I'm free I have many things I must do oh boy a bit like protecting the people and bring in a friendly ruler of course right after I call the disloyal for their treason oh what I am the ruling monarch of this land and when I needed my subjects to rise up and come to my aid what happened I don't know I killed like 50 penguins with my boots to rescue you yes pixel Peter you alone were loyal but your friends neighbors they stood by as their Duchess was made prisoner some random killings and beatings is what they need to remind them of the cost of disloyalty Oh think folks are gonna like that ain't you worried about losing their support we live in a monarchy I am chosen by God himself to rule I do not answer to peasants this is not a democracy oh wow pixel Pete didn't think this one through pretty sure I just saved a brutal authoritarian monarchy yes and I thank you name any request and it is yours welp your majesty I sure would like if you stop exploiting the lower classes and have democratic election bitmap badger you collaborator you were my servant but when the enemy enacted their coup you joined them telling Peter here that I was in another barn but never specifying which barn my sentence you know sir Peter of pixel what was your request again well some new boots granted they will help you march from door to door together traitors were torture and dismemberment oh so you're just gonna be a cute fluffy hat oh I was worried something horrible was gonna happen to me there for a sec [Music] [Music] hey I got you a gift oh I love it and I've got a gift for you but you'll have to wait nine months for it I love you and all the wonderful Pokemon that have brought us together oh god oh god no you know now my ice creams all ruined oh well at least everything else is so wonderful and perfect wait look a baby huh meat [Music] [Applause] [Music] mother dear I have an announcement to make I am 11 years of age do you know what this means you're at the ripe age I was when I when your father who was 72 senile and suffering from bone madness correct that means I am now a man free to make my own decisions and I have decided to become a bodybuilder what's this podsnappery Byron you plan to stop lifting weights like some kind of circus strongman freak no a bodybuilder I wish to assemble grotesque monstrosity and battle them with the abominations of strangers and I want to do it unsupervised oh very well quite lovely it's England sometime the eighteen hundred's one of the freest times to be a child hello mum your chimneys are cleaner than me lungs are black so--but I shall sit off entirely on my own on a solitary journey of adventure Aloysius carry my bags and home dramatically as we exit [Music] Oh someone must have poured this ether on me favorite dragon that forced me to Huff that sweet sweet vapor professor NOx I am Byron Oakington the third of the tastefully inbred Oakington I understand you dabble in the science of body builders I insist you must owe one such creation unto one you want me to give away one of my rare creations to some modern headed child who broke into my lab all willy-nilly aloysius offer the professor our finest vintage ether the 68 was a great year for behold routed vegetation from its back also lots of scabs I have dubbed it bulb of souls next or submit for your approval with the speed of a turtle combined with the more of a squid Widow and finally a salamander imbued with the power of flame I present sir I remember what happened there Roy ignore that ignore it moving on interesting choices but none out piquing my interest to choose yes none piqued choose pretty sure that's not how words work oh boy I have been hoping lots of Aoife Lou what creature is this that little fellow is known as field rat experiment 6 or use galvanism to electrify a common rat I did trulia wretched being totally unmarketable splendid I'll take it oh boy shorts laddie now come with me let me show you how battling works I shan't squinter a new book in electric rap who is bored away completely unsettling and wholly on appealing to children could never support a brand I imagine and whose creature takes first turn in blazes are you Yemma about child turns turns they just go at it we left turns behind when we started building homunculus verse port despoiling the will of God Almighty for profit is not a good read creature attack [Music] oh well played lad squid suit has been completely by famed making electric vat the victor bazaar am a [ __ ] triumph what comes next for a young bodybuilder such as myself well it's up to you in it you can explore the region capture new and exotic creatures form everlasting bones with your champions and also don't be there I'm a privileged rich child who has no empathy toward anyone really would rather feel some sort of rival role you know just messing with the plans of others really no reaction alright like I said zero empathy oh god [Music] something is very very wrong it's me your friend james marsden no my friend is a young cool Gen Z Disney Channel star nope it's me I was Cyclops oh no movie and I am your nemesis Bartholomew deuces but you can call me new - no you're just a guy with a Mewtwo tail wearing Mewtwo purple but you can bet that some incident will occur by the end of the movie that will turn me into something more in line with what you would typically think of when you think of Mewtwo but why would it take to the end of the movie for you to turn into the version of you that we've all known for decades mmm hey who wants to listen to Coolio oh thank god oh it's just a nightmare compacta being in a live-action movie made by Nintendo something that has never been terrifying an awful [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh hello there very excitable child yep okay well always nicer to meet a fan all right Mario is just a phony what no I'm a cool it's me hi Mario let me throw a decision classic move yeah Mario is a little tired it's my fault for thinking my favorite hero Mario would would actually be cool wait no I'm a super cool here watch me eat this mushroom everyone loves a big Mario okay fire flower you're a favorite the hero using a super cooler weapon [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] my monster has perished in battle leaving me with nothing besides my massive family fortune and a guaranteed future of pampered frivolity Butler mourn for me it is really quite tragic soon I shall not be mocked Aloysius the only usable piece that remains from my electric rat monster is this gross giant eye without a body to attach it to it's just a I that is giant ly gross very good sir shall we scour the town grass for a new months to body double yup said we must visit the body part buffet the endless smorgasbord of people pieces the cemetery sir no the river at the center of town it's disgusting to waterlogged too old to stab to death - Irish a creature as mysterious and exotic as it is venerated for its great beauty and opossums excuse me sir are you going to eat that we are ever so hungry the only thing I'll be tasting is victory and then a nice big warm dinner free of lead are you ready to upgrade your creature bowmen there will be no stopping this process even if you hold bait B of course referring to my emergency shutoff switch which is marked with the second letter of the alphabet I'm ready professor knocks let's evolve fail drab experiment 6 - his new form actually evolution is a relatively new fairy that the showing Tiffa community has yet to embrace he might be more accurate to say field rat experiment six is creationism being okay with failed rat experiment number six is creationism in Osho is my keg a minute Oh feels right experiment has been upgraded with his one big eye that constantly peeks at you I shall now call him hi possum the wedding fellow bodybuilders because this hi possum it's got claws and rabies and rabies rabies really you there bodybuilder mine creature is freshly augmented and foaming at the eye for the chance to call each angular fo and fearsome battle well met fellow body better but I must decline we're simply relishing a bucolic stroll through this to paracin me I said widget with it alright all I know is [Music] [Applause] okay lets us see what these user made levels are all about okay you got me no more mr. nice a Mario though really one Goomba too easy I wonder what I did Oh No I'm on to you now a terrible death is awaiting for me behind that door forgive the bat I'm a-gonna down this pipe I hate this how do people find this a fun it's torture [Music] yeah what kind of a sick bastard makes enough of selectees okay let's just get this out of the way all right I know I look like I'm covered in piss hey new guy want to help us jam up some [ __ ] Kaku knows I'm a Kakuna this is what trainee cocoon is look like hey we got a jokester over here I'm gonna come in handy when we take those cocoons down a peg man those motionless bastards won't know what hit them anyway jump on we got an extra Segway they helped us many pods move in style why don't you struggle your way out of this one ha ha emotionless piece of [ __ ] Wow down really does wonders for my self-esteem jewel Pokemon Devils let us join forces brother we would be unstoppable I would I totally would but uh trainer Timmy has need of me for today's talent show you bow to mere mortals how utterly pathetic come on aquafina I convinced the judges you were a dog she's entered this beauty pageant coming Jimmy [Music] [Applause] [Music] come on damn it stay alive stay alive to revive him does it look like I'm doing [Music] shut up there we go [Music] [Applause] [Music] good morrow madam that's England talk fur hi I understand this isn't infirmary specifically for bodybuilders can someone here treat my dear creature who has been injured in battle not young chocobo I'm surgeon chef licensed phrenologist and this is my assistant Chauncey let's have a quick gander Wow these injuries don't look so bad get amputating the limbs in danger of necrosis and gangrene and start tossing some leeches on to suss out the bad blood Hazara a simple and elegant medical procedure truly we live in an age of wonder and progress wearing our dear creature for you shall soon be well at this point I shall force you to battle again got all the limbs sawed off the stumps with maggots to chew out the rotten flesh and now there's just the minor matter of our payment payment but I thought this was a house of healing an institution built upon a foundation of charity well sure it is and charity don't come cheap between the cost and the hacksaw the maggots and the overhead of all the moths it's gonna take to clean up this blood you're looking at a bill of 20 years of indentured servitude 20 years that seems excessive but it's a small price to pay for my beloved creatures health oh good add corpse removal to the bill better make it 22 years frankly surgeon chef I don't think this is how medical institutions should work I think you should actually heal our creatures free of charge what more righteous purpose could there be for our government funds than essential health care and this now counts as a consultation let's call it in even 25 years never stop that odd scold child he owes 25 years of servitude plus sales tax the victim of the mainstream medical industry how did you know I'd notice the handiwork anywhere not that those nursing homes won't as they are but I've got something that could cure your creatures ailments say a barrage miracle revenant tonic you can bring my creature back from the dead with that bottle Joe believe me your first is free bizarre the potion works don't worry I'll get you some replacement limbs soon my creature and what a few alley stranger distributing mysterious fluids as I said yes first is free but all for the purchases will cost yeah but essential pharmaceuticals shouldn't be so costly why we're getting to suspect the entire medical profession has been tinged by greed there you are child you owe me a lot of slavery plate it yeah quack this is my mark we should see what my hacksaw have to say about that your mom xenos ratbag oh I've got enough focus to Fort here for a decade your jib face wagtail boy I'm beginning to suspect medicine in the 1800's which is now isn't all that great you said it creature we are going to have to rely on each other in our adventures through the region yeah heavens Aloysius look we must act quickly to save this boy legs this boy's legs got a touch to die possum man has Charmander blue hair squirtle begin your adventure hey why not that Bulbasaur is just gonna sit on your table indefinitely and technically it's a legendary because there's only one of it in the entire region if I left it on the table I would just be an idiot oh man we faded him guess you can't catch Mewtwo now shuriken he's lying on the ground unconscious it should be even easier than usual no come on grab his ankles uh okay boss so what pokemon are you gonna use your master ball on boss none I'm going to reverse engineer this technology produce millions and then become the richest person on earth Wow that's smart boss you got it all figured out huh not quite I still kids seem to complete my pokedex almost as if some Pokemon were intentionally removed from the region Oh fritata Snorlax want me to get the poké flute boss Scyther use cut yeah that good work too oh gosh an interdimensional rift from the red dimension what do you want take me to a century [Applause] [Music] poor Lester and Lydia my new orphan underlings what monster parts did you steal Nick and Eve in the name of team vegetable good eye mr. Oh funny me swift Adams found us hey eNOS I know I trousered another cat anus we slapped him together in - that's a cat yes sir pack abs only except we attached a lung to one of the anuses so it can breathe I guess you could say that we took trouble in this case cat anuses and made it a double let me get this straight I heard you to steal parts from bodybuilders and all you come back with is cats anuses you found on the street we would've stole the cat anuses if we coulda but we don't much care for stabbing people yeah huh from stopping that's the point your face he meters look I was an enforcer for the theater sis going in all the city the route lots of peaky blinders and every pitch and livid molten sugar in the city would shake with fear when they'd hear our name the Winkie papers and I give it up for what this new bodybuilder craze for this huh I think we're done here it's time for team de regiment a packet in we can't give up now mr. Oh bony we've tried robbing people the Winky peepers way stabby stabby mouse try a tame dirigibles a I'm an interpretive dancing [ __ ] it what hell i possum put those husky child legs to use what - what - one for the Queen and one for you brace for a predicament produced strength your equivalent to shield this earth from Armageddon to resurrect waste what was deadened to dispel the sins of kindness and heart to unite catfights what once were a part Lester Lydia team dirigible take off at the speed of steam debase yourselves and join our team [Music] you ah haha I was worried we had stumbled across some sort of criminal enterprise but it appears to be nothing more than a theater troupe but mentally diseased hello is just burn the anus cat and urinate on the ashes I'm afraid I cannot urinate sir old war injury of course how funny so burn the anus cat then empty the satchel that collects thine urine upon the ashes very good sir gently sorry about this what you doing a boss storm Pokemon oh no turns out everyone in the entire world stores their Pokemon in the same network and none require a password to access so I'm downloading literally everyone's Pokemon to my external hard drive here oh well guess they should have had some two-factor authentication huh boss haha you said it buddy [Applause] machine simple this lab can revive any fossil into perfect living form fossil father it's me I've resurrected you go to mother she misses you father thank you my son oh there's his dad huh neat sure is nice of you to come home and reunite your shattered family boss yes but with father's return mother is insistent I stay so we can be a family again but this would impede my progress of course so I'm leaving a Ditto in my stead to serve as my doppleganger mother will never know the difference okay boss dinner's ready [Music] wait a sec what form was I supposed to stay in again was it my trainers human form now is probably shuttle yeah it's me Oh shucks oh yeah oh my god Matthew Jesus Christ someone call 9-1-1 [Music] boy Matthew he loved one from left to right he used to tell me mama someday I'm gonna walk from right to left all the way around the kingdom valedictorian of his class at being a goomba University goddamn you took my boy how is it battery off of my beans hey don't worry I got this time to turn on the old toad charm child Goomba you have been sentenced to a death by electrocution do you have any last words [Music] huh oh you're back have you discovered oil 150 pokemons yet yeah instead of trying to find every species of pokémon by myself I went on the internet and looked it up turns out there's over 850 I mean that's not even including mega and there's a Lola there's Giganta max forms I mean of course you know this already but yeah you are welcome I guess hundred fifty there's this one site boba pedia it's got like everything surrender missing no I have so many pokeballs I will not stop [Music] Scyther my friend by capturing this aberration I now have 128 bikes and if each bike is worth $1,000,000 Wow you've got a hundred twenty-eight million dollars no we have one hundred and twenty six million dollars you'd share it with me i equipped you with exp share for a reason but wait boss from all the math lessons you've been giving me 126 million means we'll have two bikes left over why would you to use that I got your tenure revoked your professor of nothing be quiet disembodied voice honey you look different yep nope this is me it's red your normal kid normal kid haha normal oh good I was worried for a moment keep playing in your show while I go make us some lunch [Applause] [Music] [Music] tell Wiley he wins hey can you help me with the door you are ready to be afraid but you are sorely mistaken if you believe you can make such a rash [Music] seriously tell Wiley he can keep the princess or be king of robot land or whatever he's trying to do you will before the night of syphilis man [Applause] [Music] Wow whoo thanks for shopping down there overgrown vibe Mario it was really messing with the Fung Shui Thank You Mario but our princess is yet another I'm so big now thank you hey I've got a good feeling here I like that sound brother gosh this sure will come in handy at the construction site oh he's so cute I'm gonna name you buttons here take my cloud it'll help you continue to make the world a better place thanks again for the wings we need to get out of here stop the car and I said get in the damn car we need to get Mario a thank-you card for all the nice stuff he's been doing [Applause] [Music] all right I can hear him coming Frank Bob you ready well widget Jim no it's floppin you're done for Mario there's no way you'll be able to get past all three of us it's the ended a pipe for you cuz you know he's a plumber promise do pipes it makes sense oh you got biased that time but you won't be so lucky [Music] looks like we're plumb out of luck just going over your performance reviews here looks like you failed to crush Mario a hundred percent of the time he went past you that correct yeah well here's the thing fellas as a result of your failure I got dumped into a sea of lava did not enjoy that could I have to let you all go please boss without this job our lights have no meaning also we can literally only move up and down so it is physically impossible for us to leave the castle goodbye cruel world 1-3 no I had dropped my watch is somewhere around here man where is it boys our chance at redemption I don't think you have necks oh yeah well we'll get you next time it's NEX next time it makes sense my jokes are good so we've been through a lot together Voldemort we sure have Kevin sure there was the time that you failed to kill the defenseless baby I was destroyed by its defenseless mother I recommended that you shoot it with a gun messy there was the time that you lived on the back of a guy's out for a year and I got defeated by the same baby except growing up but growing up baby or a child I guess and who could forget the time that you tried to use a 12 year old to release a giant snake monster and accidentally got part of your soul destroyed the diary would have worked if not for those meddling overly convoluted insanely stupid plans that constantly get foiled my children can compare to your original dumb plan Horcruxes what's wrong with them let's get this straight you hid your soul in various horror crisis yeah all of these Horcruxes are prominent well-known artifacts with the exception of your mortal snake Nagini and you die forever if they are all destroyed that's exactly it yes and why the hell didn't you make one of the Horcruxes I've got a great ass and that nobody could find and destroy why did you make one you're extremely killable snake okay okay I'll be the first to admit that maybe not all of my plans have been good or well thought out you are by far the worst magical Hitler I have ever worked with [Music] [Applause] jeez Team Rocket what are you gonna do boss explain to them how carrying three pokeballs doesn't make sense no cider in fact let's end this farcical battle can he do that sure eviscerating these gentlemen with logic would be easy enough but look at what our world has become is it any wonder they turn to a life of crime what are you sure you don't want to just eviscerate us with your logic we're used to it yeah I actually look forward to it the truth is there's almost no way to make a living here if you're not a gym leader or running a PokeMart how can you provide for yourself or your family there's a reason there's so many trainers hanging out on random routes challenging children to fights for money that's the closest thing to a career most people can find that's true my MA got sick Team Rocket was the only place that was hiring there are no schools no hospitals no social safety nets of any kind this entire region has failed its people on every possible level no more if I'm to defeat crime I must address the root cause not the symptom come cider we have much to do away well boss you did it schools hospitals actual airplanes so 11 year olds ain't ride and piggies through the sky and constantly colliding you defeated crime by creating a functioning society I gotta say being exterminators who flush out that 10,000 zoo bats who live in every single cave is a lot better than doing crime yeah but boss there are still gangs out there that have different motivations what can we do about those guys oh I've got some ideas Team Magma using volcanoes and droughts to make more land we'll just kill everyone the volcanoes will shoot so much ash into the atmosphere it'll bring about a new Isis all right [ __ ] and Team Aqua you want the sea levels to rise seven point eight out of every 10 square miles is already covered with water in this region isn't that too much water already also like just wait a little bit climate changes already melting IceCaps just like drive ah yeah good point good point chill dude what about dog leashes are cruel he always does this with new people he's actually super friendly chill dude you just gotta convince him you're cool you got any robot dog treats robot baking show a boy dang you got any little plastic baggies man and why would you make a robot dog that behaves like an actual dog you just don't get the bond between robot boy and robot dog he may be made of steel in Gears but he's got a big heart he's a robot that's just your incentive cool come on boy let's go get some robot bacon whoa this is a blue flame hotter yes oh cool yes is it burning you right now yes does it like super hurt like oh I'm in constant unbearable pain thank you for reminding me oh boy time to see what shiny Dragonite looks like wow my expectations were low but not swampthing Barney whoa I can't believe I traded for a shiny Arceus yes my child I have come a long way to bestow great gifts upon mankind wait where are you from I hatched from an egg and the void of existence before time began oh my god you're a hack shiny aren't you I got duped and now I'm stuck with this worthless trash just because I'm excited uh zit mean I don't have real [Applause] [Music] pretty efficient a cider yeah boss hey you love my puns what's wrong geez boss I wonder isn't there a better way instead of humans making Pokemon fight would it be nice if we all lived in harmony together bring me the legendary temporal Pokemon Dialga you know the literal god of time oh sure you got like eight of those here's the shiny one where are we boss where it all began I bet my psychic cat baby can be your syncing plant baby oh my psychic babies the best let's have a fight heck it could be a whole sport we could Center all of our society Scyther use cuts so humans and pokémon will live in harmony now that we killed the inventors of Pokemon battles well why don't we head back to the present and find out head good one boss there's my guy but yeah we just killed two kids let's move yeah who's in charge now whole planet and chuckles no primates here no sir just me Oh chuckle good old reliable chuckle chuckling up a storm here chuckle time and and it's chuckle o'clock not the best outcome we will have to go back and undo this uh here comes here comes the shuttle train sure Chuck Chuck it along oh yeah [Applause] [Music] what's up Paesanos it is your boy Luigi here I see you down in the comments I have a little request for a reaction to this Mario goes berserk video so I am a finally do it okay let's see Mario goes berserk here we go young baby Mario but he said please bro he asked nicely not to a die oh oh no oh good okay Bowser's okay somehow I don't get it but I hope he and peach escape [Music] I can't believe it was this video recent this has to be one of those deep fakes right know how I got these scars fishing accident 1992 got your own hook cutting your cheek twice super embarrassing anyway can we talk about your plan do I look like a guy with a plan are you being serious right now you just handed me the blueprints to the most elaborate plan I have ever seen I'm like a dog chasing cars it's my dog you mean somebody that had their goons filled two buildings with explosives and kidnapped the DEA and the assistant DA concurrently as well as making sure that he was arrested and then interrogated by the Batman then yes you are a dog also uh there's a guy in the same jail cells me with a cell phone bomb surgically implanted in his gut yourself a contingency plan for everything it's so intricate the only thing I don't really get is why I've tried the old poison the harbour to create a ton of copyrightable Joker fish but it wasn't making enough of a splash I wanted to show the world that all it takes is one bad day to reduce the same as man alive to see that's how far the world is from where I am just one bad day uh-huh and how are you gonna do that in this case blow up one of two ferries Jesus you are the best planner I have ever met and have the lamest end game all right all right why so serious first White's recovering alcoholic doesn't leave a lot of room for a sense of humor now get out I got like three other evil clowns to see today Devon sent him Pennywise so I can explain to him how to not get destroyed by the goddamn Goonies [Applause] [Music] [Music] next time I just I'm trying to save the kingdom and I just can't do anything right Mario is everything oh my god I have just this one thing he's got the Tanooki suit he gets to rescue the princess all the level completes have em next to them boom when I complete the level it says oh wow I'm back here oh wait I messed up you did win but how you only win have you formed the picture of a powerup that's not a real powerup it's nothing it's nothing just like I weigh totally but I'm out of whatever give me five minutes I'm gonna check out the back here see it's very real Wow I won the game and I got the brand-new item malleable today's really turning around for Luigi I just don't touch it or or anything okay stick with me here Luigi come on you got to stick with me what did you take [Applause] [Music] hi there welcome to shuffles spooky tales three stories that will shut you get it like like shock job but chuckle that's me my name chuckles yeah I am the ghost that haunts this land the curse shall never be lifted mmm okay cool not sure if I've seen you the Pokedex yet Oh what I didn't know who this guy is you own multiple ghosts for the love I'm an undead poltergeist here to torment the living all right an actual ghost ah do you know wick hey you know I just get a little nervous flying after the time I Oh God so kind of straight graveling it's on the wing of the plane does anyone else see it because it's a shiny sableye stewardess yeah I'm sorry I'm gonna need you to open head emergency door so we can get that shiny pokemon oh god it's him the embodiment of evil that feeds on human fear hiya Georgie down here we all use sir no you surf - oh thank god it's just a mr. mime and a drifloon wait is this not scary oh joy heck no you're just a psychic fairy type my steelix should make short work of you oh yes were you shocked haha yeah probably we're for sure but just in case you will die one day nothing and you will never come back there is nothing after this no pain no joy no anything just gone it will happen to you to me and to everyone you love [Music] [Applause] [Music] hey where's the Luigi we decided to do a swap for the day you know mix things up a little yeah sounds good when you wait for your turn turns come on buddy let's fly I love a flag let's be careful though we only got the three extra lives 3m Doug I've got infinite lives I'm basically like a few Jackman and the prestige was a furry whoo man I can't break any of these are bricks with that the mushroom don't worry your tiny little head leave it to me whoa how did you do that we have a spiky hedgehog quills or two nope he is it the best sidekick ever oh man I bet the Sonics having it the worst the time with the Luigi right now so can you fly yeah you got the tanuki tail do not have mythical animals of Japanese folklore here just robots oh well don't worry I've got them lots of special skills like jumping slightly higher than the Mario hey in here I have to take a Luigi ah [Applause] [Music] pixel peep get ready for your big speed run a bit buddy I don't almost stretches and I believe Lunney a pixel well yeah God's a fiction they keep the lower class complete good job [Music] it's like we got to restart and go again [Music] [Applause] Wow a girl Aryan po neeta hey what's oldest n oh sorry I should have introduced myself I'm a regular pony time regular that's a slice a shot in it if you claim me to be some kind of folk standard po neeta what does that make me some kind of freak oh no no no nothing like that you're a regional variants you're special why do I have to be named after where I'm from maybe I should be regular ponyta and you should be the Brody wankers veer Ponyta you have a glowing multicolored cotton candy mane I don't think it's wrong to have a special name for you claiming one of us is weirder or more different than the other don't make proper sense bro just pokemons just the same oh wait you don't [ __ ] hot lava just like I don't pinch or pause and lucky charms it's wrong to act otherwise yeah I guess that makes you know I'm so sorry I I hadn't thought of it that way it was nice to meet you I'll see you around well they Christ if gone all right well my manners [Music] [Applause] this is the best thinking too for a water starter but a depressed Blizzard man things were different in my day um okay I'm the perfect starter for Pokemon oh come on perfect your generation is still fully yourself you're a lazy design and clinically depressed that's awesome who do you think actually plays Pokemon old man I'll tell you Zoomers who are way too in touch with their feelings and people in their 30s and 40s desperately trying to recapture part of their childhood that is forever gone regardless anyone playing pokemon now is depressed as [ __ ] whatever they use Pokemon as an escape from their shitty lives not to remind them of it they want cool starters that turn to badass giant turtles with cannons on their back Candace that go boom you might come like boomers they are all disillusioned by war and international strife we're in an era of endless conflict that's the thing they don't want to be reminded of they want to feel good about themselves before they can worry about the world what am I your lame evolution you go from depressed baby to see who's Sammy and monsters think it doesn't even make sense doesn't it I overcome my mental hang-ups and become cool and self-assured I remind them that it's possible to become something they've dreamed up someone whose social anxiety and depression isn't debilitating you become an instrument of war my evolution charts a journey that means something to these people who you want a participation trophy okay gin water Hey don't dismiss me like that my opinions matter you need to listen to your elders please I don't want to be forgotten listen I got to go to the Pokemon Center and get healed up I'll see you later oh we help care huh well in my generation we actually had that too it was really helpful [Music]

Channel: Dorkly

Views: 1,670,143

Rating: 4.8712287 out of 5

Keywords: Dorkly, lol, funny, pokemon, pokemon rusty, dorkly pokemon, animation

Id: faftMTz--Wg

Length: 81min 59sec (4919 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 28 2019