If Every Villain Had An Assistant (Kevin the Assistant Compilation)

now begins my brilliant plan what was that for your brilliant plan is to put tiny animals into robots that's it to be fair I'm not putting all the tiny animals into badniks I'm putting some in containment units why are you trapping rabbits and birds in containment units why are you doing any of this to capture that chaos and how will putting ferrets into ladybug robots oh you get well it it won't the Chaos Emeralds are in these like special separate stages so why do you go get them instead of kidnapping rodents here's what you do stop kidnapping rodents since all that does is draw attention to you from the giant blue super fast hedgehog whose spikes can literally explode robots just steal the Chaos Emeralds and leave the forest critters alone but here's the deal the stages that hide the Chaos Emeralds can only be navigated by a hedgehog and what's that over there oh that's just my Hedgehog robot Oh Robotnik I won't let you get away with good plan Kevin thank you sir I just wonder what the internet will draw creepy sad fair enough now that Sonic's dead probably nothing [Music] hey dr. wily it's about your robots listen Kevin you're a good assistant the same hell kind of scientist are you why did you design all of your own robots with fatal weaknesses to each other you have heat man this week against bubbleman whose weapon is bubble by the way who's weak against the metal man whose metal blade should hurt anyone but they hurt Bubba man twice as much for some reason my weapon is bubbles assistant poison man why did you make assistant poison man oh my god this is so stupid if you're so good at making weapons that can exploit weaknesses make some to fight Mega Man huh that could work [Music] Wiley your robots were no great work young man just doing my job dr. Wiley hey what exactly are you a doctor of anyway oh I'm a gynecologist here's your latte boss thanks keV now did you set up the spinning circle of fire like I asked no instead of that I hired a private security firm to guard the castle where did you get the money for that also is this 2% or skim there are literally just coins floating everywhere also that soy milk lactose makes you gassy and I've just gotten word that Mario and Luigi were gunned down what you killed Mario and Luigi yep plan to stop them yeah I saw your plan and I noticed a few flaws in it number one everything number two even more somehow spinning balls of fire easily jump Apple gaps a bunch of turtles walking back and forth there was one guy who was just randomly throwing his kids out of a cloud right do not tell mrs. the key to what is happening to her kids she's going to be very upset and why is there an axe that destroys the bridge you're standing on right behind you oh that Oh purely decorative I mean well it does destroy the bridge but Marnie would have to somehow get past me first and that's impossible he's very tiny and I'm quite large what about the princess isn't she behind you at all times also completely unguarded what I mean yes but oh she's standing right behind me isn't she yep cut the music come on let's get you to the hospital Oh Kevin Kevin did you finish taking inventory or all my pots still there those are antiques you know why do you have keys to every lock door in every dungeon just lying around for everyone to find um I also left the compass yeah no wonder the same mute pantsless Peter Pan cosplayer keeps murdering you across generations you have made it so easy for him alright alright I'll just wish to destroy all the keys dear try for us I'll tell you what I want I really really want eight wait you already have the Triforce the most powerful artifact that literally grants wishes oh yeah I guess I could just wish to make link dead right hmm wish for anything pizza dinosaur I'm a Tyrannosaurus cell right worth it that does it I am sick of working for idiots crap hey Kevin hi Kevin uh killed the mute kid by the way we stabbed him a whole bunch pretty easy to kill mute kids when you're not terrible at everything yep also got some infinite health or generating fairies here pretty sure that means we're all immortal now thanks Kevin great great so Kevin what was it you wanted to talk about I've noticed that you carry five pokemons when you're allowed six interesting choice I mean I carry 20 because you know we're criminals well yes but my five Pokemon night I think you'll find are very strong whoa hey you're only allowed one Pokemon at a time all right no problemo it is now my turn to attack so you think crime lords take turns my guys go murder his guys hitmonchan stay back and turn his face into ground Milton you can't do this Kevin why are you a gym leader we're literally the last stop on a scavenger hunt for children Wow I think I get it now Kevin you've you've opened my incredibly swollen shut eyes [Music] that is a lot easier to take interns and given thousands of dollars to a small child this feels good it's just crying I love it I made a good choice yep electrode get in here and use self-destruct wait what we just killed a child boss gotta get rid of the evidence in the arms of an angel Kevin I wiped out half of all life to solve starvation i won anyways I brought us coffees half cream half should perfectly balanced Kevin thank God Justine I'm Jevon your new villain consultant I don't like cream in my coffee well you got em out Kevin welcome back do you want some coffee it's perfectly bad you got rid of half of all life to solve starvation what kind of nonsense Malthusian [ __ ] is that no no it makes sense resources stay the same is more to go around maybe in your goddamn fantasy land but not in the real world do you know what actually causes starvation I'm gonna be honest here not really supply chains planes boats trucks and you have just [ __ ] all of them with your little snap thousands of plays fell out of the goddamn sky millions of cars just lost their drivers and crashed into other cars so add the drivers in them trains derailed entire shipping vessels lost their crews in other words you just disrupted every major supply chain in existence and probably cause more starvation than you ever could have prevented earth had more than enough resources to feed everyone and people still starved because things got in the way of supply chains war trade disputes poverty corporate greed and now a purple [ __ ] who buys and discredited economic theories all right I get it I'll undo my plan the old vanos would have seen two cups of coffee and three people and decided to kill one of those people but now I know there's a better way I never totally won this but this gauntlet very itchy so we've been through a lot together Voldemort we sure have Kevin we sure have there was the time that you failed to kill the defenseless baby I was destroyed by its defenseless mother I recommended that you shoot it with a gun that would have been messy there was the time that you lived on the back of a guy's bad for a year and I got defeated by the same baby except growing up but grown-up baby or child I guess and who could forget the time that you tried to use a 12 year old to release a giant snake monster and accidentally got part of your soul destroyed the diary would have worked if not for those meddling overly convoluted insanely stupid plans that constantly get foiled by children can compared to your original dumb plan Horcruxes what's wrong with them let's get this straight you hid your soul in various Horcruxes yeah and all of these Horcruxes are prominent well-known artifacts mmm with the exception of your mortal snake Nagini and you die forever if they're all destroyed that's exactly it yes and why the hell didn't you make one of the Horcruxes god damn great ass and that nobody could find and destroy why did you make one you're extremely killable snake okay okay I'll be the first to admit that maybe not all of my plans have been good oh well thought out you are by far the worst magical Hitler I have ever worked with wanna know how I got these scars fishing accident 1992 got your own hook cutting your cheek twice super embarrassing anyway can we talk about your plan do I look like a guy with a plan are you being serious right now you just handed me the blueprints to the most elaborate plan I've ever seen I'm like a dog chasing cars if my dog you mean somebody that had their goons filled two buildings with explosives and kidnapped the DEA and the assistant DA concurrently as well as making sure that he was arrested and then interrogated by the Batman then yes you are a dog also uh there's a guy in the same jail cells me with a cell phone bomb surgically implanted in his gut yourself a contingency plan for everything it's so intricate the only thing I don't really get is why I've tried the old poison the harbour to create a ton of copyrightable Joker fish but it wasn't making enough of a splash I wanted to show the world that all it takes is one bad day to reduce the same as man live to see that's how far the world is from where I am just one bad day uh-huh and how are you gonna do that in this case blow up one of two ferries Jesus you are the best planner I have ever met and have the lamest end game all right all right why so serious worse twice recovering alcoholic doesn't leave a lot of room for a sense of humor now get out I got like three other evil clowns to see today Devon sent in Pennywise so I can explain to him how to not get destroyed by the goddamn Goonies Jesus Christ this is some of the most diabolical villainous behavior I've ever seen I got nothing no advise you to clearly know exactly what you're doing and have been able to get away with it so blatantly in the public eye why yes thank you you've managed to basically take over the entire business of the Internet have wormed your way into nearly every aspect of online life and make most of your money selling off the private information of your users to anonymous third parties in ways that have compromised democracy itself there aren't even any real meaningful attempts underway to break you up or make you face consequences for your actions of malfeasance and sabotage but we desire more more more what you have everything and when there's something you don't have you just buy it and make it part of you you're like Tetsuo in akhira but for capitalism it's impressive evil and impressive I simply demand people watch a long-form video with me and I just want people to treat me like a social network you just want what the other one has just get together form the ultimate unstoppable beast that will forever consume the Internet and be done with it my god he's right oh well I've done it I've created the most perfectly evil entity possible my work here is done [Music]

Channel: Dorkly

Views: 3,365,038

Rating: 4.9179263 out of 5

Keywords: Dorkly, lol, funny, pokemon, kevin the assistant, dorkly kevin, dorkly bits kevin, kevin the assistant all, dorkly kevin compilation, dorkly bits villains, dorkly villains, dorkly bits thanos, dorkly bits robotnik, dorkly bits bowser, dorkly bits ganon, dorkly facebook, dorkly compilation, dorkly bits all

Id: YOYRB5jU6XQ

Length: 16min 31sec (991 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 28 2020