Knights In Hyrule (Complete) Reupload

[Music] [Applause] [Music] sudden at arms yes sir what is the status of our security lockdown guards at every gate we are totally secure sir surprise [ __ ] fleek [ __ ] get him excellent ever since our walls were breached by this traitor zelda i'm feeling very exposed can never be too careful behold the secret map of hyrule pinpointing all five orbs of power once hidden for thousands of years now it's ours that map is mine give it back finders keepers [ __ ] now that we possess the secret map of orbs hyrule is ours for the tank [Applause] but link will surely be coming for us so i can't stress enough we can't have any more security breaches understand i want head nods from everyone please link spare me my wife and children oh look look over there do you see it it's flying away no what is it that's the last [ __ ] i give we will be assembling several different teams our most elite squad of knights will embark on a journey to collect the five ore hey [ __ ] i'll be taking that back now [ __ ] me running you see guys this is what we're talking about i thought you said we were on lockdown and at overaging him and while you're at it you can free princess zelda too my hero took you long enough i've been kidnapped since last night who's the [ __ ] now right guys sounds like someone's not getting any tonight i'm pointing at link shut up again how could this have happened with no warning just hand me the roster who was supposed to be guarding the conference hall just show me the schedule before i die i just wanna damn it eric we were supposed to be on guard duty like eight hours ago stop whining you never want to do anything fun or adventurous we deserved that party last night be honest was kiki the monkey not hilarious after we gave him that bong yes yeah okay it was funny but now we're late to work look sarge over scheduled for today so the two of us going missing is gonna go completely [Music] unnoticed balls what happened here i'll tell you what happened we missed our opportunity uh excuse me all we do is stand guard all day every day we never get a chance to prove ourselves and now today a chance to finally show off what we've really got and we [ __ ] miss it what are you talking about if we'd been here we'd be dead just like everybody else maybe you but not me luke ugh these guys don't deserve the glory of this death steve here was an idiot you ever pulled guard duty with this guy the worst guy has stress farts bro bad [ __ ] ganon oh my goodness gracious what happened here we don't know uh uh link sir he got the jump on us we battled valiantly and we were able to save the castle but not before he got poor steve it's okay it's okay there eric sir and whatever medal you plan to give me i will accept in the name of steve eric i'm going to get to that metal but first off we shake your hand you did all you could the problem now is link knows the location of the orbs and i'll likely try and re-hide them before we have a chance to get them that's a tough one if only there were two knights brave enough to go after him try and beat link to the orb but where would i find two knights we're two knights but dude we'll find the orbs and kill link well there's an idea you sure about that of course sir it'd be our honor i sure would appreciate it we won't let you down sir i'm sure you won't as soon as you get going oh that's us yep leave [Music] luke this is so amazing we're finally on our first adventure can you feel it buddy our first real quest nobody's taking this opportunity from me nobody sure cool let's just get to the first castle and try not to die and i'll be taking all of your possessions now what i don't think so lady we're on a very important mission so why don't you just step your ass aside and uh 12 rupees dirty underwear and an epipen you guys are pathetic there's nothing here worth stealing wait that tickles bro please lord gannon has sent us on a very important quest to collect the five orbs viral you can have our stuff just please don't leave us here to die in each other's crotch gannon sent you to collect the orbs yeah it's a totally sweet mission that could only be trusted to us okay i'll let you go really on one condition that i get to join you on your quest what no way this is our quest we get the glory no no no no it's fine you can you can join us good choice now we better get going it's gonna be dark soon oh good i managed to catch up with why are you naked pre-mission ritual oh well ganon wanted me to add that he's just discovered something else that's missing it's very important what was that he was about to tell us something like i said it's getting dark [Music] i think the dark forest castle is this way oh my god you know what would be amazing if we weren't lost we're not lost the dark forest castle's in a haunted forest this place look haunted to you creeps me up cause don't worry i'll get us there jeez oh look at that creepy dark forest feel better whatever let's go in that little house and see if anyone's home ah perfect i need to go use that bathroom that's the third time today don't worry i'm fine yeah i don't really care i was just making an observation that hopefully embarrassed you well it didn't most people are quite jealous of my above average digestive system you'll get over it dude i know what you're doing i i don't know what you're talking about can i get any more of that hand cream [Music] can i help you disgusting stand back bathroom thanks hey sorry about my friends we're looking for the dark forest castle you're looking for the scary ghost wait a ghost wait so we don't get to kill him ah sounds awful don't talk to us while you're pooping i'm not i'm masturbating sinatra people get over it any chance you're one of those witches that eats people oh no sorry deary i'm vegan but my toilet isn't sweet merciful christ so you're looking for the scary ghosts yes and any information you can give us about how to defeat it no problem you'll definitely need regeneration powder an expert ghost hunting kit a bottle of hudson maple casserole whiskey for your nerves an evp recorder a ghost box a full spectrum digital camera and a ouija board all this for the low low price of 5 000 rupees uh we only have five rupees [Music] okay just luigi warden and this will defeat the ghost nope but it will allow you to communicate with him so that you can talk you know before he murdered you and you're holding firm at five 000 i've got an idea why don't you just meet me outside you sure eric what the hell toilet ate me flush me out here honestly i was kind of into it got a towel so what did you decide did you want the ouija board yeah plus everything else put it on my black card oh somebody has secrets and she just gave you everything for free yup all it took was a little female charm and i promised to let the ghost kill eric first it can't kill me it's a ghost and i ain't afraid of no ghost really regardless i think it's important we take it slow in there and be respectful he's dead so he's likely going to be pretty grumpy i think the plan should be to summon the scary ghost and just ask politely for the orb sounds good to me sure have fun with that me i don't have time to compare vaginas with a ghost i vote we take the orb by force it's hero time ladies eric kopecky number one on a scale of one to ten if i accidentally killed eric in battle how upset would you be sevenish doesn't really matter i'm doing it either way die damn ghost stop trying to steal all my glory and die already bastard hey eric you're doing it wrong here you have to sprinkle some magic dust on it to free the fairy inside oh i'm free thank you traveler awesome hey guys uh ganon sent us out because he never heard back from you yeah you guys really need to check in anyway now that we're here we'll help you guys find the orbs and dude i told you i'm the only one who stands on the hero podium me oh what's that a map who the hell would hide a map in a chest in the middle of a dark dungeon the same idiot who hides a compass in the middle of a dark dungeon you're free [Music] you're free oh look at you and dead whoa a chest plate very cool another piece of armor we'll need to defeat link we should keep it safe and take very very good care of it i agree me too uh let me see it oh that was amazing maybe just use the sword why this works so well hey welcome back and so long look this must be the place remember let's be quiet and respectful got it loud and obnoxious girl hey ghost this is luke and mia and eric we don't mean any harm we just wanted to talk to you about the yellow orb hi ghost mia here i just wanted to say how honored i am to be in your home it's so beautiful hello i'm sebastian how wonderful it is to have such nice guests you wouldn't believe the [ __ ] that part into my house yeah [ __ ] you sebastian only losers stick around the living after they've been killed oh what's the matter with you sebastian bummed you can't masturbate anymore well too bad now just quit lip jabbering and give us the goddamn yellow war before we send you to hell what the [ __ ] how dare you talk to me that way eric what are you doing just follow my lead bro uh that doesn't sound like you giving us the orbs so oh my god i'm alive it's a miracle yeah no [ __ ] bye-bye see that was awesome i guess you can kill a ghost huh you [ __ ] i [ __ ] hurt and now you're going to pay remember us [ __ ] oh hey guys oh listen super sorry about the murder earlier yeah it's time to die little help guys you two may leave wait you guys can't just leave me here yeah we're out good luck eric yeah later douche [Music] the one on the left thanks witch no problem dearie wow she is so nice she did that for free again uh yup totally [Music] well that was [ __ ] look bob the vet says he has alopecia that kind of hair loss for a dog this small is devastating we can buy him a sweater there's no way i'm paying a thousand rupees for some test cream do you want a bald dog jesus normal people are so boring now hand over all your belongings and skedaddle i need to start finding more interesting people to rob here this cover it yeah thanks should i ask how you got these nope should i ask how you got the dog nope good enough let's go oh hello old friends eric why don't you go buy some medicine of life while mia and i gather intel in the desert castle see ya that might not have been the best decision where'd my dog go come on in finest dancers in all hyrule what really the finest answers oh my goodness well i suppose one dance won't hurt um is there any chance you take dogs as payment dudes welcome to my oasis in the desert i'm cthulhu your host you guys want a drink hey cthulhu uh nice to meet you we're looking for directions to the desert castle harsh man why would you want to go there when you can stay here and have as much sex with me as you want um [Music] make it rain rain rain make it rain make it rain [ __ ] no thanks we really just need to find the desert castle oh gonna fight the boss huh you'll need a secret weapon for that bro i might be able to help well that's great thanks if you have sex with me [Music] well that sucks but at least i have you here boy come here you little bastard dog come here i screw you i'm out of here you're on your own oh my you found our dog here um please accept this as a token of our appreciation wait a minute you're giving me money for finding your dog yes do you think that other people would give me money for finding their dogs [Music] oh thank you no yes yes yes no you're welcome you're welcome oh you're too kind you're too kind you're too kind [Music] honestly i'm terrible in the sack don't worry pam i'm a good teacher why do you just assume she isn't my girlfriend hey bro 200 rubies to watch look cthulhu are you going to help us or not fine i accept your challenge i like it when he plays hard to get take this bottle of hudson maple cask rye whiskey it's the only way to disarm him thank you and about those directions oh yeah take the path south out of town until you reach the quicksand trap then jump in the castle's underground see you guys later now where could eric be [Music] we warned you no touching the girls for a thousand rupees i'll touch whatever i want eric oh oh hey you two what happened um misunderstanding uh got any intel yeah did you get the medicine of life um hey you i've been getting a lot of complaints about you i think it's time for you and your friends to leave totally agree uh but before we go quick question do you happen to carry around any medicine of life of course in my line of work you can never be too careful oh got the medicine bro we should probably get out of here this must be it we're supposed to just jump in why should we trust some drunk ass cthulhu i mean maybe it's a trap or maybe he's just a dummy you guys really what the [ __ ] grab the end of this rope if you get to the bottom and it's safe give it a tug so we know to follow you in you know i'm gonna cut you right if you live remind me to always sleep with one eye open around you then you'd only see me spoon it out and chew it like a piece of bubble gum why am i so turned on right now [Music] where's eric he'll be back in a sec okay now according to cthulhu the boss chamber is several levels down so [ __ ] [ __ ] mia i'm coming for you excuse me one sack you are going to regret ever meeting me eric kopecky sorry you were saying we should probably head down great oh you think you're so smart look at me i'm mia i'm so [ __ ] smart well there's only so many times that that'll work [ __ ] okay seriously i'm not playing do i look like i'm laughing you can't see me but i'm not [ __ ] laughing mia i'm challenging you to a boomerang fight [ __ ] hey where are you guys we good yep you win great let's move out oh cool but why are they high waters mine oh what's that [Laughter] oh my god you should see yourself dude you look ridiculous [ __ ] this place i hate everything about today so much can we just move on did we miss something how the hell are we supposed to get the red orb now hello oh hey guys how's it going cthulhu what are you doing here yeah i'm the boss yellow what we have to fight you fred so here's some lube let's make this easy i i don't understand you gave us the secret weapon to defeat you a bottle of hudson maple cass cry whiskey nah i just wanted to ensure i'd have another bottle waiting for me when i got here not great at pace myself you know who wants the anal beats first he's drunk this will be cake oh hello beautiful it's nice to meet me ew bro i'm not really a bunny attack i told you bro it's 200 rupees to watch luke our weapons are no match for him how are we gonna defeat him i have an idea eric toss me the boots and keep him distracted fine but you better give them back oh what the [ __ ] oh my beautiful skin uh i'm drying up it's 200 rupees to watch bro nice work luke let's get out of here oh wait so uh what about this rabbit situation that i have guys guys so i'm just stuck like this not [ __ ] it i'll be at the bunny ranch [Music] hey where do you think these rupees come from ah i mean they don't grow here do they i think it's best not to ask check it out a house whose house is it oh we should go before he returns agreed but before we go we should leave him a gift now we can go well excuse me princess i just don't know how you can get captured by agony okay i'll tell you again he got the jump on me with the map of the orbs of hyrule i don't know something's not adding up and i'm gonna get to the bottom what the [ __ ] oh crap did you leave my ocarina by the fire again oh screw you like anyone plays that little ocarina but you come on my house it's all burnt to the crown what the [ __ ] is that smell [Music] oh i wish i could have been there to see the look on his face that was pretty good yeah but did you have to take a [ __ ] in his house hey to be fair i did [ __ ] where the toilet used to be go back to your devil maker woodland creatures why did you start this fight because they are small and i am large and they have rupees but i must admit i'm beginning to regret this oh you think i can't go down like this my obituary cannot read killed by nature's cutest it's too embarrassing wait a second what the how did you do that don't worry about it let's just go cool a village let's eat i'm starving we need to make this quick just supplies to get us to the mountain castle what's up with everybody here they're all peaceful and mellow i hate it i agree they're all broke well it seems all they sell in this town are glass pipes and potato chips let's buy what we can and see if we can find someone to tell us about the castle in this region hello travelers ionize rastabob welcome to moon high wow this place smells great rastabob will have a dozen brownies hold the please all right i made these bronies special this morning just one will make you forget all your troubles so where are you people after we're headed to the mountain castle to find the yellow orb oh my yes the yellow orb is protected by the beast in the mountain any ideas on how to defeat him well of course i do first take this bong thanks what's next all right not so fast everybody everybody just be cool be cool all right whenever the bong is given almost partake of the kind body in celebration oh [ __ ] i feel amazing hey you guys are so cute and how come you're not attacking me um come here little fella awesome [Music] wrong place wrong time [ __ ] [Music] whoa what happened you [ __ ] oh what the hell you killed rasta bob he was gonna tell us how to defeat the mountain castle boss now what are we gonna do hey how come that didn't work this is a village not a battle area doesn't work here you never told us that i think we can all agree that technically this is your fault let's just go where's the castle oh well let's see now if only we had a guy to tell us where to go and how to kill the boss oh wait we did but then you [ __ ] killed him the entrance has got to be around here somewhere let's look [Music] found it where inside the volcano yes so we just jump into this active volcano is there a problem no no problem just you know it seems a little obvious is all shouldn't there be a secret door or something hello maybe abyss holy [ __ ] roster bob we thought you were dead that's where you would be wrong sir because rastafarians we get two physical lives man and then we head out into the spiritual plane wow that's amazing i like that religion yeah me too me too listen um i'm glad i managed to catch you guys before you met the boss now you've made it this far but there is more you need to know no thanks zombie bob we got it from here eric what are you doing what the [ __ ] is wrong with you oh come on you guys haven't you ever seen night of the living dead dawn of the dead day of the dead land of the dead diary of the dead survival of the dead and dario gento's zombie with an eye this is how it starts you couldn't have waited until he told us what to do i don't know maybe describe the monster oh hey guys uh cannon sent us to kill the mountain castle boss and steal the yellow orb we thought you were dead yeah you guys should really check in now and then but now that we're all here together we should totally team up and finish the job you started well now we know what it looks like see we don't need rasta bob brownie anyone brownie not now eric well i'm having one what do we do now well we have to get the beast to reveal himself yeah it's a shame we already used up our two diversions you mean the two nights you murdered same difference hey i have an idea oh yeah roster bob hello man nice to see you where where are we this spiritual plane this is where rastafarian souls live forever after their you know two physical lives i only really had one because of you but no hard feelings no hard feelings man you know everything is irony everything is irony you know i got to the spiritual plane that much quicker oh okay listen eric now that you're at the lava pool you've almost made it to defeat the lava beast go on i was thinking he's going to try and kill me again nope okay well to defeat the lava beast smoke the bong then take the bomb water and throw it on him the bung is magical and turns the water into a cooling agent that you will need to defeat the beast well that's how you do the oh that's great awesome thanks roster bob hey no problem man come on visit me that's because it's my mission bob i'm the hero and i appreciate the information but i don't want there to be any chance that you'll share in my [ __ ] glory when we complete our mission it's nothing personal though nothing personal you little [ __ ] when you kill him in a spiritual plane and die for real oh sorry man i didn't know i died forever oh wait wait wait wait wait wait wait before you die um can you tell me how to get out of here hang tight guys way to go [ __ ] i just saved your life that's one interpretation of it you okay eric physically yes emotionally i had to murder us to bob in the spiritual plane so yeah i'm doing pretty freaking awesome i think i only have one life left though so we should be careful moving forward ah the [ __ ] [Music] welcome back you [ __ ] get him what the hell what happened you got super high and started freaking out so we left you here to sleep it off yeah and then with bob's help we killed the lava beast and got the yellow orb he's a hero bob not on my watch this is my [Music] one of you guys move this or sure i'll be i got it hold on hold on i'll get it hold on why don't i just give you a hand oh check it out let's go ah is this the place where little boys get touched in the bathing suit area by their creepy uncle speaking from experience it made me stronger hello travelers step into my pool and let me soothe your wounds how much excuse me for the tug and rub how much i don't understand i'm here to soothe your wounds i think she means she'll give us health oh don't my penis is injured okay okay you know what i have tried to be nice but there is no reason to be disrespectful oh now you're offended oh see i'm not the one offering to sue the wounds of complete and utter strangers at the bottom of a rapey well under a boulder logic i think you should leave sure thing what was that nothing what did you just did you poison me yes yes i did i'm doing other travelers a service here you've got false advertising lady and i'm not gonna put up with it am i right am i right guys up high no no one dear diary another day of the journey is passed with nothing to murder kinda sucks plus the company is boring are you talking about us i'm keeping a record of my thoughts it's private so nyofb that means mind your own [ __ ] business dear diary luke is being a real [ __ ] smear today hello there oh my so much so much so much energy with this one what's wrong little fella i'm trying to murder you or anything where are all the creatures and monsters oh i ate them oh yes yes i heard someone was looking for the jungle castle yes do you know where it is oh yes absolutely yes uh go go uh just head west and follow the path around and then when you get to the fork in the road go right thanks hey i'm just curious but are you bigfoot yes yes yes yes yes i am yes i'm bigfoot yes dear diary today i murdered the elusive bigfoot and made a lovely rug out of his carcass i'm sorry what's that ignore him can we get a picture of course of course huh it's blurry oh weird weird yes okay i'm going to see you guys later but before i go please uh take this while it'll help uh i got to go now there's some unemployed plumbers they got cameras they're looking for me i gotta leave some clues whoa how cool was that i want a duck transport whatever i'm still back where i started with nothing to kill come on let's go find this path to the jungle castle i'm sure there will be plenty to kill there great idea let's go dear diary my traveling companions are weak and holding me back from the quest i will murder them tonight in their sleep when they least expect it you're more than welcome to try it i'm starving we need food food oh i have food what you dick you've had food this whole time oh hand it over we're ravished dude i can't eat almonds i'm allergic you know that i could diet oh my god what is wrong with you dear diary my ruse didn't work ugh plus luke is being a real [ __ ] again more later ah here's the path which way is it again the right i think oh god mia which right we've been walking around in circles i i don't know oh no no no no no please we need to figure it out i need to kill things i need a boss battle let's think about this for a second and screw it i guess we're going that way what the hell is this creatures erico becky number one you gotta be [ __ ] kidding me what the hell is going on here look we've been running through this weird landscape all day and every corner that we turn it looks exactly like the place we just came from how is that even possible what is this nightmare not sure but we should keep going go where luke go where and what is it with that infernal clock why is it ticking down the boss has to be somewhere up ahead spoiler same as the last place die oh make it stop make it stop this is weird also you look weird well you look exactly like me so let that soak in let's go back but we've come so far well that was easy crab eat my steel it felt so good oh baby so right then look a house oh we should go in and kill everything inside i was going to say ask for directions sure you can do that first oh visitors hey kid you know the way to the jungle castle i'm sure i'll i'll tell you great hit me with it oh so fast i'm the only one who knows the way to the castle so kid you're an [ __ ] yep but i'm a kid i go to heaven no matter what so show me your boobs and show me here never mind you're awesome come on chop chop whip him out what no okay fine well then at least take me with you but you're sick i'm aware but if i'm gonna die either way i prefer to die on a mission my mission kid our mission is to collect all the orbs before link does and kill him if possible it could take weeks months why would you kill link he's the good guy he protects us from harp he's the good guy nice one kid whatever as i mentioned before i'm the only one who knows the way so you really don't have a choice fair enough let's go here it is just like i said it'd be who dares disturb my slumber holy [ __ ] piece of cake he's got no arms stand back [ __ ] i got this [Music] what do we do give him the vial where did you get that what's it to you you little [ __ ] bigfoot gave it to us that's for me that's the cure wait what you were meant to trade me that for directions to the temple but i'll do you one better you give me that vial and i'll tell you how to defeat the boss done wait finally i'm i'm healthy i feel like a million bucks what if he tells us the vial is what kills the boss that'd be a dick move lucky for you i'm not like him to defeat the boss you simply have to offer him a sacrifice what kind of sacrifice human a human sacrifice okay then good luck thanks for everything i'm gonna go see the world i haven't felt like this holy [ __ ] eric excuse me mayan temple boss sir i offer you this stupid kid as a sacrifice your sacrifice is accepted thank you kind of [ __ ] but it worked so hey guys guys you'll find the temple that's great news this must mean that you met jacob who it's the little chicken in the cabin he's my best friend i looked after him because he's very sick so i gather medicine for him you gave him the vial right totally did it awesome awesome well i'm gonna go see him and he's probably feeling great right now yeah about that what do you mean dear diary my efforts to kill my companions is thus far gone in vain frown face but there are still the almonds that i ground up into luke's coffee this morning they could prove to be the victor only time will tell that's all for now talk to you soon diary xoxo eric i really hate you luke god damn it i told you to stop listening to my private thoughts no privacy did you see the look on his face when i stole his rupees amazing [Laughter] priceless i love ruining people's days it really warms my heart hey it's a cave this must be the cave of the old man he's supposed to be hoarding a sword or something let's get him wait we always do it your way rushing into situations without putting much thought behind it i want to do this one differently okay fine thank you now here's what i'm thinking we'll create a distraction here at the mouth of the cave but before we do that mia you'll sneak in and hide against the wall that way when he comes outside to investigate the noise eric will keep him occupied by asking for directions or something while you use the opportunity of the diversion to sneak further back into the cave locate the sword and steal it we should have a sign like a duck call or a whistle you can use this to let us know you've reached your objective and we can excuse ourselves from the old man then when he's fallen asleep you can sneak back out and help me oh i'm sorry luke it was a good plan really i just got antsy i'm sorry whatever i'm not sorry [ __ ] you i want to kill things but i'm just judy i'm cold yeah i'm not gonna last much longer we should start looking for shelter how much sure i'm sorry cause we're all out of dogs what you wouldn't happen to know where the tundra castle is would you yeah sure take the path to the right up a few miles oh take the space heater you're gonna need it to fight the boss um okay that's great and everything but what about the path to the left oh [ __ ] i'd stay far away from there cuz why those who enter that town never leave yeah because it has food and shelter what an idiot how much further to town about a mile isn't there anything you can rent us well there's this one thing cats that's all i got left cause we'll take it okay mush mush yeah that's the problem with cats wait i have an idea doesn't seem like a mile but whatever remember we're just here to get warmed up five minutes then we're going to the tundra castle oh sure whatever you say hi boys hungry yeah you look cold too why don't you come inside where we have a roaring fire next to our hot tub filled with champagne and naked women yes guys don't forget five minutes we have to kill the tundra boss and collect the black orb calm down mia we'll do it later yeah we have all day let's eat and relax yeah no we have to get all the orbs before link does i can't do this by myself hey uh did we hear you say you needed help killing the tundra castle boss cause we're here for the same reason yeah we should team up oh hi okay great yeah let's just go and oh my god help why why this is my mission nobody steals my glory hey mia seriously the one time i actually needed their help god damn it [ __ ] god i can't believe they left me to conquer this castle alone i'll show them and my father i'm going to defeat this boss hand over the black orb you frosty [ __ ] or prepare to die hello hey [Laughter] [Music] what the [ __ ] were you sleeping no maybe maybe i was sleeping i was dozing what kind of boss are you i know it's true but i wasn't always like this adventure treasure hunters used to come looking for that orb each week and i butchered them all but ever since those goddamn sirens opened that ski resort down in the village no one comes to fight me it's depressing did you say sirens succubuses harpies you know whatever you want to go my friends are at that lodge well they are likely reaching new heights of pleasure about now and then uh soon they're gonna die but i need them sorry but nothing could be done like hell there isn't strap on an extra set of coals frosty and let's go put the competition out of business whoa boy i like the way that you say strap-on thanks this is the place unbelievable they've stolen my livelihood i can't compete against sirens dude we haven't party like this since we were late to guard duty and agonim was killed i know it's awesome oh i'm never leaving this place oh me neither yeah bummer listen the whole reason i came the black orb help me defeat the snow bunnies and it's yours really okay the door's locked i have an idea [Music] more men we'll be right back boys [Music] what no my snow bunny honeys there's enough guys in here already yeah hey girls is this where i buy the day pass oh yeah come on in [Music] die [ __ ] this is my tundra no mia stop what are you doing we're saving you guys but we were good no not carly get your friends and get out of here but what about you you're melting if you stay in here any longer you'll die just take my hat and promise me you'll build another snowman before you leave yeah i'm probably not gonna do that whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa why don't we all just take a step back for a second and think this through this is a [ __ ] nightmare oh cool [Music] thank you for your sacrifice i'll remember you forever for realsies why look those wonderful [ __ ] gave their lives to get the black orb from the monster frosty what no frosty sacrificed his life i will build a monument to these beautiful ladies whatever we have the orb let's just go rest my angels good night why are we running we're not running i'm running technically you're chasing me yeah but where are you going don't worry about it i am though because this seems a bit odd well if you must know this is where i'm going i'm confused of course you are idiot see this is where we part ways i'll take the orbs and you'll go back to your pathetic pointless life excuse me i don't think so i appreciate the help gathering the orbs but i'll take it from here boys like hell you will we'll never give you the orbs too late for that i took the orbs while you were sleeping check your inventory [ __ ] why are you doing this good question simple answer revenge revenge against my [ __ ] father who continues to try and murder the girl i love wait wait girl girl of course you you're a lesbian that's that's why my countless advances have failed ah thank god i was really starting to question my sex spiel here i gotta say i'm a little relieved good for you now i'm gonna piece the [ __ ] out wait there must be some other way to get revenge against your father we need those orbs if we don't deliver them together and he's going to do terrible things with our testicles gannon is her father you fool hello my love what the [ __ ] your mouth is so wet honestly i'm pretty evenly torn between wanting to kill them and wanting to videotape this yeah i feel you you [ __ ] [ __ ] link link how could you do this to me this is it this is my moment back up everyone prepare yourself [ __ ] cause you're gonna die now eric don't let me fall link what are you doing here isn't it obvious i'm here to stop the terrorists responsible for stealing the orbs of hyrule you're the terrorist shut your mouth before i cut it off [ __ ] she's not a [ __ ] we're in love you're mistaken she's put some kind of spell on you i mean can't you see that zelda a little help here guys it's too late for me luke i'm slipping just let me go but promise me that you'll kill link and work out some sort of three-way with me on zelda then come to my grave and explain it to me all in great detail i promise buddy really because that's kind of a tall order no hey buddy you think you can kindly shut the [ __ ] up i'm trying to threaten my girlfriend's lover's life over here no more threats just me and you we finish this now ladies if you'll uh give me a moment i've gotta go take care of this halfling yeah this is for eric you foolish knight what would possibly have made you so delusional to think you could face me revenge valiant but the sad truth is is you're gonna die right now on the brighter side you will be able to join with your friend in whatever hellish afterlife you blue knights go to now anyway goodbye you insignificant bug hey luke guess what i forgot i had in my inventory quickly place the orbs in the monument link won't be too far behind hey uh about what link said you didn't place a spell on me did you uh no of course not does it feel like you're under a spell no good that's because you're totally not and neither am i dad hey sugarplum thank you so much for collecting those orbs for me i highly doubt it that the efforts of those two buffoons i sent after them would yield any return but uh with your help and guidance apparently anything's possible you know it's almost a shame i have to kill you now both of you hurry we have to get those orbs back before it's too late agreed who knows what kind of sadistic lesbian world zelda would turn this place into actually now that i say that it doesn't sound that bad holy [ __ ] oh is that yes it is are you thinking what i'm thinking i doubt it that mia is some sort of lesbian succubus that kills everyone she has sex with you know surprisingly that's exactly what i was thinking one two three men oh god these two oh boy hey gannon uh i see you received the orbs that we acquired for you yes great job you two you've saved hyrule huge promotion coming your way i see two of them now head back to the castle and we'll discuss it later uh what are you doing with mia yeah ixnay on the estron's quay well now that you ask to activate the orbs it's necessary to make an offering so i'm gonna offer this random hiker to the gods but that's not a hiker that's your daughter okay listen you two pathetic pieces of [ __ ] i'm done with the talking part of this my daughter's a traitor i'm going to kill her you can either go back to the castle and witness the rebirth of the new hyrule or i can vanquish you into oblivion but i really want to make this your choice so what do you think we would love to watch from the castle thank you oh merciful leader just please carry on sure you don't want to talk about it no no we're good we're good all right what are you doing what are you doing this is what we wanted man we're heroes yeah but he's going to sacrifice his own daughter i'm starting to think gannon is not such a nice guy no he's not he's awesome and he's about to be the new leader of hyrule so maybe start thinking about buttoning up that [ __ ] of yours and getting on board i guess but something still feels wrong your offering has been accepted hi rule is now under your command we are here to do your bidding lord mia wait what he always did have a hard time tying knots with those pudgy fingers mia what have you done i believe you mean lord mia and what i've done is i've taken over hyrule no more charm spells for this girl now i can order chicks across the lands to eat my bush awesome now if you'll excuse me hyrule won't genocide itself just imagine a world with no more good people what why are you doing this isn't it obvious because i'm evil and so is my father and so are you you two killed the only good guy on this mountain the only one that could have saved this place link is a good guy and we're the bad guys wait did you not know that what no of course not really seemed pretty obvious oh well had to find out sooner or later regardless we couldn't have taken over without your help luke and for that evil thanks you but i don't want to be evil too bad today is the day that history is changed forever by the how could this have happened i just wanted to do the right thing but instead i helped bring on the apocalypse i can't believe it i'm the bad guy this is awful this is awesome hey look this is awesome hey hey look you want to roast some marshmallows on the burning corpses of the good people that we've been slaying luke luke marshmallows luke you forgot to equip the wings man luke [ __ ] it i'm getting the marshmallows [Music] you

Channel: Tosteto Lightsky

Views: 84,616

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Id: rU4PqHjLBXY

Length: 57min 33sec (3453 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 14 2021