So, welcome to DON'T PUSH THE RED BUTTON *funny markimoo voice* If you remember... ...a game by the name of.... Don't Press the Button!!! This might be similar I don't know This was... uhh... pretty newly released and I saw it and I'm like, "I'm always down for a game that's about pushing a big red button! I like that a lot!" :D So I'm gonna push this BIG RED BUTTON And I'm gonna see, what's going on with it... I don't like ominous explodies in the background The ominous explodies seem to suggest that something is going to be exploding All over ME! And I don't-- like that *Clicking* Let's see what happens! WASD Ok Alright Huhh.. Red mouse button to push-a BIG RED BUTTON! Oooh Push the red button! Push the red button! Wrong way *chuckling* Red button! Push the RED button! PUSH the red button! PUSH... PUSH BUTTON PUSH (Pronouncing most everything wrong) DRUCKEN SIE DIE ROTE TASTE PRESIONE EL BOTON ROJO APPUYEZ SUR LE BOUTON ROUGE BRUIGH AN CNAIPE DEARG! Aye... YTTU A RAUOA HNAPPINN SPINGERE IL PULSANTE ROSSO push the red button DRUK OP DE RODE KNOP PRESSIONE O BOTAO VERMELHO PUSHISHA KIFUNGO NYEKUNDU ITULAK ANG PULANG BUTON NHAN NUT- Whoa! What the- What the hell? Travel to Spain! Visit our website! Okay I WANT YOU TO PUSH THE RE- RED BUTTON MY FAVORITE Alright WILL YOU PUSH THE BUTTON FOR ME? PUSH THE BUTTON BUTTON! Alright Well, I think they might- Ten out of ten doctors recommend pushing the red button..? Anytime I hear that one of my friends HASN'T pushed the red button I cut them out of my life immediately I'm a millennial And between all my snapchatting and Tumblr- I thought that was Tumblr-SNIFFING at first I just don't have time in my life- Can you QUIET DOWN with the choir- I just don't have time in my life for people who aren't socially conscious enough to push the button! I mean, it's just the right thing to do ( Paid for by the foundation for a better red button ) Oh, man. I don't wanna do that- TRAINERS HATE HIM! Press the red button to learn the secret to quick muscle growth Uhh, I don't think that was his proper quote! Red button. Keep calm and push da button! Anyone who'd push the red button is alright in my book. Dermatologists hate her. Age 51. She does not look like 21. She looks like a moist grandmother if I ever saw one. Use this one weird trick to turn back time: Press the red button! Ohhh! Well you're not really putting a good argument out there. I was so skeptical about pushing the red button, but now I've never been happier! My skin is clear, my eyesight is better, I have an incredible amount of focus! And my love-- oh....life...whoa... Level one complete, nice, you can now push the red button. I cannot recommend pushing the button more, it's the best decision I've ever made! I have three doctorates in theoretical science and all my data tells me that a logically minded person should absolutely push the red button! The evidence is overwhelming, and anyone with a FIRM understanding and faith in science will not HESITATE to push the button at once. Trust me. I'm like three doctors. Oh...Well...uhm..uh huh-OHHHH! Wh- I don't like the way the button follows me. * Best Button Pusher. Your name here * Well, um... uuhh... BECOME WHO YOU ARE! *through chuckles* Push the red button. Whoa, who am I? PUSH IT umm uh-oh Well... huh I don't know, guys. I don't know guys Do you think I should push it?!? I mean... I haven't really heard a compelling argument that this button is gonna be GOOD for me All I'm hearing is..that..that ...you know... There's a lot of people that BELIEVE in the button, but ...you know OBAMA here, he's just saying BUTTON And I feel like that's a bit of a cop-out I mean I don't even know if Chica would like me to push the button To be honest, I feel a lot of peer pressure and I don't think that's good for anybody WHAT DO YOU THINK!?! What do you think Do you think I should...…. ………………….. ♥ SMOOCH ♥ Whats that? Huh? Ooh, ohh, WHATS THAT?!?!? ooohh REALLY You think that that's...that's like the LIKE BUTTON And you gotta smash it! AS HARD AS YOU CAN! Wait..NO WHAT'S THAT? its RED like the DISLIKE BUTTON Oh no! YOU DONT SMASH THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO! wait whats that? ohh But you need to TRU- Ohh I need to trust you I need to trust and understand that you know what's best for me, don't you? Oh yes you do Mark's hand: Oh yes I do! *gasp* You can talk!! Mark's left hand: BUT I CAN TALK TOO!!! Oh my God! Left: "Don't push it!" Right: "Push it!" Oh my god!! ... Who do I believe? Who do I trust? Who do I even approach?! I don't know... I'm so torn between two lovers of mine Whoa! Health?! oh, well Ow. I don't know what- ow! Oww, my SOUL oww, that really hurts Don't do- OWW OWW, my heart Wait! My HEART'S trying to talk to me! Heart: PRESS THE DAMN BUTTON!!! no! Wait, Ive gotta trust my GUT on this one Gut: DONT PUSH THE BUTTON Alright I usually go with my gut! I try not to follow my heart so you SHUT UP THERE O-kay I guess Im not dying then, I guess its fine Alright, so I'm caught between my gut my heart and my two lovers here Anybody else wanna chime in while I'm at it? TOOTSIES, you got anything to say? OH, always not there when I need you! OH, the tootsies are outta commission Okay Oh my BUTT! Of course! Butt, what do you think? [Inspirational music starts]
Butt: "Listen, I've always known what's best for you, Mark" "You've always trusted me and I've always had your back" "No matter what, through thicc and thin" "I've always been there for you" "But we can't make this decision for you!" "You gotta believe in yourself, you gotta stand by your convictions" "And I'll ALWAYS, always be there to support you when you need me most." Mark: Aw, thanks butt. Man. Butt really knows how to talk to me. Butt really knows the best things tha- MY PENIS! Oh, penis. [Heavy metal begins to play]
Penis: "FUCK THE BUTTON" "FUCK THAT BUTTON, FUCK IT" [Heavy metal stops]
Mark: No, I'm not gonna do that. But uh, thank you. (Reading the chat) 'My butt only says crap?' HOW DARE YOU?! HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT MY BUTT LIKE THAT?! MY BUTT HAS BEEN WITH ME MY WHOLE LIFE! And he's always been there! When I need a seat! My butt's GOT ME. When I need to... open a door, when my hands are full MY BUTT'S GOT ME. Don't you. Don't you dare. Don't, don't I'm disappointed in you. I've never been more disappointed in you. But I am. So you know what, I'm not gonna push this button! I'm gonna listen to my butt! And I'm gonna know, I'm gonna KNOW Once and for TRUE Once and FOR THE TRUE That I listen to the right part of my body And that's my butt. (Reading chat)
My butt is NOT talking shit! IT'S NOT! NO! ASS IS- ASS IS NOT- Well, my ass IS crazy My ass is outta this world My ass is in-sane, but My butt knows what it's talking about. I'm not gonna push this button. Cos- BUTT-on BUTT That leads me to believe that the butt might know what the button Can do for me. So I'm gonna listen to his advice, I'm gonna listen to MYSELF All these other parts of my body, they don't know what's best for me. But I know. I know what's best for me. (Reading chat)
'My butt is an arrogant liar' Maybe YOU'RE an arrogant liar. Maybe YOU. I mean you ever think about that?! Maybe YOU. Maybe you're an arrogant liar. Maybe my butt, who ONLY TOLD ME TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF, H- EVERYONE ELSE HERE HAD AN OPINION. Everyone else *mock's his hand's conversation from earlier* Everybody had an opinion. Except for my feet. The tootsies were out of commision. But my butt... ...my butt told me to believe. In myself. As a whole. As one whole human being. *sniffs* And- You know you can't... ...you can't buy a friend that good. *emotional music* You can't b- *gets choked up* You can't- *sniffs* You know when your friends... ...have been there for you... ...from the very beginning, and your friends... ...have supported you... ...through thicc and thin, *sniffs* you gotta support them back! 'Cause if you don't... ...then who are you? *sniffs* Are you even human? *high pitched* 'Cause I wanna be there for my friends. And my butt...my butt's been there for me. and I need him the most *record scratch* Robot voice: "Hello participant. There is a red button in the middle of the testing area. It is required of you to push the red button. Go ahead. Push it. Push the red button. Go to the button. See the button. Gaze upon the glory of the button. Reach out... ...and push the red button. With your hand; any hand. Reach out feel the red button under your fingers, and with everything in your being: Push it. (x12) Push the red button. For the love of God, push the red button. Why are you being so selfish? It is so simple. I need you to do this for me. This is the last time I'm going to ask you. Push the red button. I'm going to count to three and if you haven't pushed that button, so help me. 1... 2... 2 and a half. 2 and three quarters. 2.99999999999999 Oh you have to be kidding me. What is wrong with you? Can you understand me? Push the button. Push it. I don't think you understand me at all. Push the button. No. Nothing. What a waste of time." *static noise* Back to Mark: Wha- Well I mean I was waiting for you to finish talking. O...kay. *stutters* Well I mean like... ...you didn't give me a compelling reason like that was the thing like I was looking for a compelling reason. I'm a reasonable guy. Like, I'm a reasonable guy. I would reasonably... REASONABLY. I would reasonably push the button if you could just give me a compelling argument to do so. I'm not- I'm not like a follower. I don't just do what the *stutters* the trends are. I don't just do what people like, ask of me to do. I- I- I would do it though if you like- Do you have a pamphlet? Like on the button? Like do you have like uh, some information that I could look up on? That I could do some re- How long do you need uh, an answer? Like- Can I get an answer back tomorrow on the button? *gibberish* Alright well I guess he's gone, I- I guess he's not listening to me anymore. But anyway. Yeah, so um. Yeah I- I'm not gonna push it. *long beep* I guess he's just gone. You guys want me to go through the language again? I could probably do that. DRUCKEN SIE DIE ROTE TASTE. I don't know how to pronounce that. Um.. Let's see there's a pie symbol in there and that's just intimidating. There's a LAMDA I think. um... (Unsure of language) all right I think so. Where's the Korean on here? (here ya go!:idk korean ._.) Why is there no Korean on here? (dunno) You know...that's w- that's, that was what I was worried about. Okay, alright, okay. Alright I get it, that's what I was worried about. There's no Korean on here. Did you know, that I'm half Korean? See I didn't- I wasn't able to understand it is the thing I didn't understand what you want. I bet the Korean...the Korean translation... would really, really give me a compelling argument as to why I need to push that button but I just- it's not here there's no Korean here. There's- that I beleive is Chinese, that's Japanese but- nah there's no Korean here. Unfortunatley no. At last ya I guess I- I guess we'll never know We'll never know you'll never Know I- I- I do like the lights though Like if I had to admit like the theming of this room Oh is this like an escape room OH I love escape rooms I only been on one- Hello Hi- what's... whoa(2x) oh(2x) whoa hey whoa(3x) hey whoa.. woah hey whoa Hey whoa I'm sorry I do not have an inflation fetish you didn't know don't you don't need to do that at all I don't know what your *stutter* Listen you just gonna keep- oh you're just gonna keep going oh um well listen, number one. Red button: sub to mark Mark: Thank you Red button: your welcome Mark: first and foremost thank you I'm flattered But number two no Not into that Red button: oh Mark: So wow you are you're big you are big um but I'm okay I'm honestly I'm good just hard pass Seriously it's okay you can stop at any moment now I'm very impressed. Ah good excellent good great. well done I'm a stay in here I like this hallway it's real. Like secluded I like it, it's good. I'm uh.. Yeah I'm okay so you just you do whatever you- I don't like that. That's can I can I scoo- I think I left my.. Think I left my phone or wallet in there could I. All right you know I'm not gonna- okay you uh you just. You're- oh okay wow that... Okay all right well cool that was great trick I will admit that was wonderful trick but uh to be honest I just um.. Yeah I'm okay. Yeah how you guys doing how are you good yeah you good, I'm sorry I haven't been paying attention a while I got distracted there's a an awful- a lot of demands on my time as of late so I just don't know what people want of me or what to do.. so uh.. *sniffs* yeah I- uh- I did the fortnite thing. That was pretty cool I met some cool people there So that was nice Yeah I lost. I lost. I lost really bad actually I uh I lost like the worst uh we- we did very poorly um but that's okay I'm just sad that they didn't cut to me when I was building my subscribe to Markiplier sign I- Joel and I, we had this plan. We had planned the second round, we were gonna build a big ol' sign that says "SUBSCRIBE TO MARKIPLIER!" But.. We landed ah- we landed where there were a lot of trees, the woods area. And uh.. we were trying to harvest, and I ran off to go get a gun just in case And then when you know it, someone came up and shot Joel I couldn't believe it. I- I just... I couldn't believe it! I- I couldn't believe it. I- I just couldn't believe it. It was- It was something uh.. I- it was something like out of a nightmare. He- he got killed and then I had half the wood I needed I was building "Sub" I got the number "2" in there I got a "M" in there then, like, ran out of time It was just a tragedy and then the didn't cut to us at all so they, uh Yeah it was bad. Oh yeah a storm killed me cause I was building- I was trying to build it and then the storm got me in the second round Even- even, uh, Mosoke(?), Mosoke tried to come help me, he was- he was uh, into this. But then I think he was trying to- he was trying to a- cause I got the "M" I got the "M", I think he was trying to spell Mosoke instead of Markiplier, I think he was trying to swoop in and get that from me But, he didn't finish it either! He- he uh, he-he got killed by the storm as well, so, we were working together on that one *Click* We were working together, he was- He was m-my buddy there, he was my buddy, but uh... Yeah, alas they didn't They didn't get us (x2) It's almost like they didn't want to see us, it's almost like they didn't want to show us on camera for what we were doing Is the room getting thinner? I don't know, is it losing weight? I don't think so! I think just staring at the same thing for so long you start to- You start to channel some uh, channel some weird psychosis going on here, but uh, seems to be good so far This's fun though! Like I gotta admit like, of all the games that I've played this is probably This's probably the most ENJOYABLE experience that I had, this's is like "Oof" this's like "yes" "Yes" I-I-I'm like "YEAH" I'm like REALLY excited about this one. The button makes me TALLER, well, you know, I'm comfortable with my height, I'm pretty good. I-I'm pretty okay with what I have. You know I-I- Ooh, Oh, ooh (0.0) Are you-are you-are you are you- AH! ARE YOU ON MY FACE? W- WHY ARE YOU ON MY FACE? Like, UGH! Jeez, alright, that's a little rude Alright I think you're listening to my DICK a little too much there, you don't need to be this assertive about things I don't- EH, I don't like the- the- I don't like the im- okay, alright well y'know this's real cool and all but the THROBBING is just what I don't like about it, it's just pulsating In and out motion I don't know, something very Oof, just like oof I don't wanna deal with it preferably I'd really rather oh- OH Well thank you- thank you for respecting my boundries, I really do aprecia- Wait no it's- hang on! Wait, no, you- you're still in my face it just doesn't look like it If I- If I were to click right now it would- it would push the button, and see that's just that's just trickery, that's like a bad ad, that's like- That's like someone Eh like trying to "coerce" you into hitting a like button or something like that. That's- that's just not cool Like come on, I mean there's all- I'm all for asking, the asking was nice and polite, but your tricking me! You're trying to trick my and I don't- I don't- I don't appreciate that, not at all, I don't- I just- OH now you're gone, okay I called you out on your bullshit and now you're back to normal Oh I see how it is, oh okay, alright, well then, THANK YOU FOR LISTENING AGAIN I GUESS Thank you, I always wanna give credit where credit is DUE wooah- Oh Oaaoaoaoa Wheeyaminuuu Right hand: You're a disgrace to the youtube community Mark: Fuck you Right Hand: Your content is outdated Right hand: You were a mistake Right hand: I'm embarrassed by the choices you make in games Right hand: Your scrub-scribers are idiots Right hand: and you're a complete bubble blowing baby Right hand: Mark... Right hand: As much of a complete goof as you are Right hand: I love you Right hand: But I need you to understand and respect my decision. Mark: Ok, I understand. Alright... uh, he doesn't want to do it, so That's the end of the story. We're just not going to be able to do it t-that's the end! alright, cool! *clap* we're good, we found out, we got it all understood I think- I think we're in agreement, like i've- i've really discovered a lot about myself and... like the various parts of me I... I get to know myself and that's- that's important I think that's really really important this has been fun (x3) I- I really have learned a lot... about this. I think we've aLL learned, I think yOU GUYS have learned I think aLL OF US HAVE learned something about themselves like... in this whole time have you even THOUGHT about consulting your various body parts?! have you thought about *their opinions* on the matter have you really *spoken* to yourself internally hAVE YOU?!?!? cause i doubt it! like, i mean, i- i mean, hONESTLY I wanna KNOW, I wanna KNOW these conversations that you have so like, *record a conversation* of you *having the conversation* a REAL honest, open-heart, conversation, with your heart *high pitched* and really get to the POINT of the matter. get to know who you are as a peron, understand their wants, their needs, their desires... They may fight... on ocassion, but always remember your BUTT knows best your butt ALWAYS knows whats best so listen to your butt before you listen to your heart and then listen to your gut after you consult your left hand and then maybe- maybe rely on your right hand if your nips aren't speaking up too much and your tootsies are actually... bringing their a-game make sense? It always does feel free! go! right now! speak to yourself and learn what it means to really be th- uh, human? shit, no, i'm getting back into that conversation again sOrRy, sorry button, i didn't mean to bring that up again I know that you're not human.. Unless you ArE ARE YOU??? waaaaait a minute, wa- hang on is there a reason you keep- oh is there a reason you're not facing me?!? oh I KNEW IT! you don't want to show me your BACKside because i'll see the zIPPER on your cOSTUME OOOOOOOH i get i- who is this, huh? who is this, ashton... kutcher? ash catchem? joey graceffa is tHaT yOu?? is that you?? ahhhh i knew it. ohh boy i KNEW it. i KNEW IT what the hell, man?? what the hell ahhhh get outta here. i ain't gonna press you you always try to get me like this Nah that ain't gonna happen. Awwww I can't believe it. I ALMOST FELL FOR IT (x2) Aw goddammit, I've been punked. aohhh man i can't believe that (x2) i was- i was this close i was this close to pushing you and then you woulda been- jump out and then you woulda been like "AHHH YOU PUSHED MY... PENIS" or somethin and I w- man, woulda been- woulda been crazy Are you filming this? Is there a camera here?? Wait there was a megaphone- I shoulda known, like I- I KNEW actually I think I knew I really knew I knew there was something I knew, like I knew Aww man i was on to you I was on to you- Naw I was on to you from the beginning I knew I knew, it was a crazy prank I should of known That's not really Uncle Sam That's really not Obama Aww I knew it ahhh god okay maybe you got me a little bit there maybe just a LITTLE bit ohh but come on it's not that- ohh it's pretty funny okay it's pretty funny alright. Well anyway we had fun, we had fun, we had fun but ya know. You mind if I just hang around a little longer like I mean it's a cool place you got in here I uh, I don't think I really like, took advantage of your hospitality so I think I'll just like, chill for a bit like, I can call an uber but it'll take a little bit to get here so might as well be here yeah ohhh boy anyway So how you doing? You good? You good? Aw come on, you can drop the silent treatment now. Come on, it's just you and me in here oh wait sorry STOP THE CAMERAS eoohhh stop recording you can come out now, it's okay alright look. You, You and I, igetyouweyou we get each other we get each other. You were putting up a good front, I- I was I was like, tootsies, down my throat I- I had not- I was like, I was all confused You uh- you you almost got me but I am just too clever for you And sorry for ruining the footage, sorry. I really do. I can do it again, you want me to do it? You want me to do it again? You want me to do it again? Wait no, okay. I'll do it again. Alright, okay, I'll do it again. Alright.. Ohh whats What's THIS place? I don't know where I- OHHH sHIT A ReD BuTTon?? I don't know if I should! Well there's a lot of languages here...MAYBE I should. I mean, if I really think about it too much- Oh! Look at the posTERS! Ehhhhh.... Ooohhhhh Ooooo.... Woooow Oooohh...10/10 doctors?? I just- Well I don't know if I should... Well maybe I'll just - a tippah toe a tippah toe Nahhhhh Nah nah, sorry I'm not a very good actor so... It's okay. If it's ruined it's ruined like- we did our best, but if it's not then, you know, there's just so much you can do about it I'm sorry if it did. Maybe- maybe next time
