THE AGONY OF SOUP | 60 Parsecs

oh all right let's choose who ha hee hello everybody my name is markiplier and welcome to 60 parsecs this is a sequel to 60 seconds the game I never beat never ever beat no matter how many times I tried I didn't beat the goddamn game so try this again and actually get something underway am I Emmit or am i dee dee ah Emmet Emma looks nervous I seem nervous alert nuclear apocalypse imminent executing order 1961 if you flip that upside down it's still 1961 new protocol initiated commence Astro citizen emergency drill and brace for nuclear impact lighter come on Astro citizen light the galaxies some tells me fire in space is a bad idea if I know anything about anecdotal evidence from the past that suggested fire in space is probably the worst thing you brought a little bit I think I've made my point welcome to Icarus 13 Space Station Astro citizen move Astro citizen you don't have that much time I think I got time grab some soup you need rations to survive okay how about this box hello excuse me I like that they made the sequence all spaces okay here we go drop it in the escape chute where is okay huh they made this like 2.5 D instead of being purely find some medical supplies you got it you got it you got it instead of purely 3d I like this better the controls do feel a lot smoother okay where is it medicine hello excuse me Rick are you I don't want you on my space shuttle and I probably got two it sounds like a choice you can choose who to bring with you that could be fun that could be really fun but uh over here hi you are just hopeless alright got Madison find the handbook well I don't know where the handbook is where the hell is the handbook this place is too big I'm never gonna be able to find anything I'll ever need are you are come here you all right to the shuttle yeah find some crafting resources okay put them in the escape shuttle you got it find a crew mate oh you huddled you know there you go cover you somehow I picked you up I don't know how help them down the hatch okay you got it buster alert what incoming missile detected high risk of impact okay grab whatever and whoever you can and have for the escape shuttle okay that's it it seems important oh I could have grabbed this this soup okay okay okay I didn't know that we'd be going right into this okay again fire remember what I said about fire being on a space and it's not that good okay you didi you didi didi your name I don't like that I grabbed duct tape and then didi here we go come here how much time I got left Oh plenty of time so much time I'm not bringing you not in not on your life who else we got anybody else we got what about the guy with the bucket the bucket on his foot good for a long time okay okay okay it's fine oh he's so handsome one more thing one more thing nope nope yeah I really [ __ ] that up okay I made it oh [ __ ] oh there we are we're okay so who bombed everybody I didn't get nearly enough food and I didn't get any water so maybe they took out the water mechanic that's what I always thought soup is water so soup I feel like I've made my point day one ah welcome hello I like that they made you get the basics right off the bat so we all got to talk about anything I don't like the way you mister I pass you're staring at didi over there do I gotta do something here what do i what am I gonna do Oh greetings Astro computerized assistant reporting for duty you must be Emmett right I am pleased to announce that you have been randomly selected to become the captain of vessel welcome aboard the escape shuttle captain on behalf of the Astro citizen program please accept our apologies for the miniscule inconvenience of being hurled sixty parsecs away from Earth current objective find a safe place to land and then try to contact the outside world please activate the main computer for further instructions it is located in the center of the shuttle follow the regular rationing protocol and feed your crew take it away captain ok goal make five successful intelligence attribute decisions well although make these intelligent decisions as soon as I possibly can okay Emmett Ellis flexible brilliant wimpy muscles these well-defined thighs these inscrutable knees all these heels of strength oh this neck of girth this nose of snuffin I am the picture of strength and I think all of you need to shut up okay alright what are we doing I have no idea let's do this I'm ready hello captain since you've just taken command if the protocol dictates a speech must be given a good one scratch that ha good late one everyone is really looking forward to your speech captain so am i this is it you can really shows what breed of captain you will you be on this incredible journey sorry not good at speaking what kind of speech will you give oh I will give an intelligent speech all right here we go I'm smart you all dumbass me smart you dumb I big brain my head bag you had small you small bad dumb you bad thinking you don't think good I think goodest I am smart I am intelligent and you are done by comparing son to me you stupid and you stupid you marginally less stupid back there but you so stupid me though big big smart smart bigness I'm smart okay speech over the end now applause okay good got it nailed it okay all right ooh rationing details oh okay well is this gonna be the thing where I can only give people food like once every four days I hope they took that mechanic out of there cuz I don't know if that was good anyway alright whatever good soup get some soup there you go you know exactly what to say convincing speech was more than enough to prove your worth as the captain the last crew in the universe that was quite a performance captain your crew started cheering even before you were finished with the speech long live the captain filled the cabin if any sound could travel through the soundless void outside of the hull of your ship that would be it one thing is for sure you all ready for any challenge that's galaxy throws at you just look at your belly you are well-fed baby says he is glad to have you as his captain baby has a full belly he seems well friend whose baby's that baby is that redhead baby that baby right out over there dee dee reported being glad to have you as her captain dee dee has full belly she's definitely well fed Tom reported being glad to have you as captain tom is barely fitting in his suit he is well fed so I don't need to give him anything else we got some again don't like the way your finger gun in most races bullet here [Music] when you are young you are youing I don't know what you're aiming out here but it might be the uterus what is this crafting module captain it's important to keep yourself a new crew well-fed one portion of delicious canned soup is enough to sustain a human for a few days even one can be the difference between life and death that's why it's important to keep a good inventory of your stock unless you want to each one of your crewmates haha that was a joke please appreciate it in laughs thank you for your cooperation captain who'll perform the routine supply check the only requirement is simple mathematics I realize I might be asking a lot but I have a good feeling about this crew captain well I mean earn I the Smarty hang on can I get some stats what does this sanity is a sock puppet stops insanity or so they say it doesn't say what their intelligence is all about oh he baby baby baby is an adult man bought a very simple-minded one okay didi limber average fifth okay so she's probably the most agile he's clever strong and average so he's pretty good across the board formal child athlete promising career was ended by an untimely injury struggles to reinvent herself but the reality is far from what she imagined a man who was seen at all sporting a dastard the eyepatch and a coat of once magnificent blond hair Tom believes to be everyone's dream come true at the personification of the American hero except no this is true well he's pretty good I guess okay oh it's just good doing myself okay let's go for it no soup today will be fine for a few days don't worry about it good news captain this shuttle came pre stocked with an emergency food supply use it well the routine supply check is now complete well well look at that the numbers add up good job human crew the current number of soup cans on board is 5 correction the actual tally is actually seven additional foodstuffs were delivered to this shuttle instead of entertainment supplies lucky you with decent leadership and rational could restraint the reserves of food on the ship should be sufficient for the time being that said it is in your best interest to procure more as soon as possible how are we how you do that how do we do that captain the crafting module in the back of the cabin has been activated it's just like the Astro citizen materials said it's wonderful machine lets you create and destroy in accordance with the principle of mass conservation all you need it's a little bit of minerals chemicals or power use it to craft recycle and repair your supplies as well as to upgrade items and shuttle systems I'll do that all right upgrade how do we upgrade a book mask liar how do you upgrade duct tape how do you do that craft soup what is that what what is that what the [ __ ] ow ask ow stand on two legs with a big bulging utter and four dicks what the [ __ ] is that communicator I feel like we need that I'm a hoarder as a communicator why is where's Tom still well-fed that doesn't make sense unless he snuck some food probably okay well should be fine for another day or so all right let's go for it you guys are good for another day go okay captain I told you I switched back on the crafting system in the back of the shuttle did you forget about it no I used it Tom remains loyal crafting completed uitimate Tom doesn't look as well-fed as he did yesterday all right captain it's time for a life-or-death challenge the most humble tasks available on this ship keeping the floor clean from specks of melted Todd a small rubber scuff marks the place could do with a good scrubbing baby looks free will you ask him to apply some elbow grease or request you to improvise a cleaning formula from whatever we have on board Oh baby gonna scrub real good baby gonna scrub baby knows how to scrub baby scrub once my house leveled it down to the basement baby once scrubbed a tree took the bark right off of that baby once scrubbed a baby never saw it baby ever again scrubbed it out of existence baby scrubs real good baby knows how to scrub a baby scrub real good all right baby gonna scrub real good all right upgrade the crafting module that seems like it would be a good thing right I mean unless I want to make an artifact but I want to what I want to upgrade this whole upgrading system that seems like a smart I'm a smart or is anybody starving nobody's starving it so I think this did you make a did you pick up metal out of like a soup can lid I bet you did didn't you whatever okay here we go oh yeah you ordered baby to get all on all fours and work the floor clean that's what a perfect ax show citizen leader would do sure being the respectful crew mate he is baby was always happy to oblige and worked away at even the smallest spots of tough dirt down there on the floor cleaner shuttle happier Astro citizens baby thinks of you as a friend Dede considers you as a friend tom is proud to call you a friend Wow Oh No I've been hacked the virus came in a transmission from that small asteroid it's taking over flight control of searing us away help captain get it out of me well I'll do I'll use my smart and you know what because everybody thinks I'm a friend I'm okay i'ma give them food cuz they I'm their friend and friends provide food for everybody that's what friends do that's what friends do you say what friends do I do friends do that that's how I do hell yeah I'm friends I'd rather be dead with friends than alive without that's what I say you plugged an emergency console into the disk and quarantined the virus I am healthy and whole again Thank You captain we checked the asteroid from which the virus originated it was actually an alien supply warehouse fortunately for us soup is universal crafting module level two you are now alert Tom is barely fitting in his suit he seems well fed good frim you know good for him still finger gun and right into didi okay what did that do I have no idea what that actually did maybe it just means it can make more armor atomic battery that seems nice okay seems pretty cool sir baby Bronco has been in a strange mood all day you finally decide to ask him what's up cop no one's ever trusted me with anything but my muscles my bag scrubbing muscles all I ever hear is how I'm just a broad my parents used to say I always strong-armed myself into more trouble than I was worth cap and my problem my problem no no baby no you're not a liability baby baby come on now you're no liability absolutely not baby you're my friend and my friend ain't no liability to me you are my friend you scrub real good baby maybe does scrub real good baby does scrub real good when baby was having a crisis of purpose you reassured him that he's not a liability you said while his brawn is useful his good nature and keenness are what make him a team favorite very tactful captain baby's eyes welled up you're the closest thing I've ever had to a dad cap he said mine didn't do much for me the only reason I'm here is Mama and Papa Bronco gave me up to the cops they left me in jail said it wasn't even theirs but I scrub them out of existence you both got a bit emotional and Bronco laid his massive head on your shoulder you don't remember feeling this protective of anyone or anything baby express his feelings for you love is oh he said that I was like the dad maybe he was calling me daddy maybe I misinterpreted that I don't know what the atomic battery does but I've got it now and I think I need to make some soup wash your favorite thing baby ask you this is mine Oh God Oh like this he said reaching into his suit collar and produced a little toy superhero branded the Soviet soccer he says this was the only toys parents let him have and that when they made him do bad stuff he'd imagine he was the all-american hero was yours baby asks again captain he is glancing suspiciously around the cabin is he harboring a secret as far as I know the only thing you care about right now on the board is DIY equipment Oh duct tape duct tape is everybody's best friend you can always do what you need to do with duct tape duct tape fixes all problems okay my good am I good am i good am I good am i good we good we don't need food not yet anyway after baby Bronco asks you to give him something you gestured to the duct tape roller okay he bumbled baby took the roll carefully with a boyish grin he reached behind the crafting module to reveal some components he's been sitting there for a while he got to work on a few hours plugging things together methodically before giving you brand-new upgraded Oh baby baby your daughter's you sweetheart baby baby upgraded the tape baby good babe baby boy okay I got one soup that was it though alright one soup that wasn't as much as I thought it was gonna be captain dee dee is bored so bored she doesn't want to bother you so she won't complain she just looks around in sighs loudly if you trust she would not damage anything you could encourage her to tinker with something on board maybe you would help her escape the black hole of boredom for a little while all right I wish I had that artifact now not that I really want an upgraded artifact but yeah we go I guess now I guess I'll make some more sue also wears this weird chemical flask on are we recycling our piss back into soup I guess if you could just preserve mass that would make sense right if you're always just making soup and you're peeing enough and you're pooping enough you could turn that poop and pee back into soup and pee right I guess recycling I guess sure yeah I'm gonna make an artifact all right everybody still good everyone still not no one's hungry so that's good all right they're probably gonna be hungry tomorrow no no they seemed okay when you hand EBD the mask she looks so pleased she told you she wore all sorts of fun outfits during a figure skating career she used to have a knack for showing him jazzing up her outfits I'm happy to report crew may dawkins spruced up the dusty masts significantly using some bits and baubles she found on board oh wow thank you so nice of you fullfil wow that's impressive thank you oh is it time for expeditions I guess your attention is required captain this is most abnormal we are registering unknown transmissions but I cannot identify who's sending them and more importantly what they contain it might be a solar flare interference or worse a new type of Soviet in Crypton we need to decipher these signals as soon as possible for all we know our survival depends on it who do you want to put in charge of monitoring the communications I guess me cuz I'm the smartest right that's what that would seem like right I'm gonna go with a big ol YES on that one yeah it's probably right now I'm gonna give her everyone's suit cuz I'm just that goddamn nice whoa so me soul mate oh okay still concerned that he called me dad okay I'm gonna give everyone soup I know it's probably too soon for soup but I'm just gonna do it because I want to do it they're my friends I can do the right people I believe in the soup here we go I feel good about that I feel I feel good I feel good about that I feel good about that yeah first contact captain you need to see this I'm not easily excited but this is one of the greatest moments for humanity and human made a higher like we are not alone in this universe well we did see that alien Depot back the other way anyway whatever the signals we intercepted we're finally decrypted they are alien transmissions as in coming from other life-forms and no I do not mean the Reds it's something we have never seen before there seems to be a number of intelligent civilizations in the galaxy decision see sorry bug in my system the signals are coming from everywhere we can safely assume we are going to meet some of them sooner or later our or rather your life will never be the same captain you did a splendid job the electromagnetic interferences that you trace point to what seemed to be a potential landing spot for our flight path our eta for that celestial body whatever it might be is t-minus four babies still your friend baby is still your soulmate crafting complete baby has been taking care of his mental health and is now alert dee dee oh good they're all luck then good no more finger gun no finger gun today okay whatever you say ma'am Tom says his favorite thing to do during downtime is a tarantula trainer on a highly classified CIA secret weapons project was fought around with his company's equipment to try and make it work better I've never heard of this idiom before captain I hope he means to tinker and not to actually flatulate on delicate ik electronic devices he's offering to fart around with some of our items - I haven't detected any methane spikes in our air supply recently so I believe he is using a metaphorical version of his phrase will you give Tom anything to tinker with yeah fart on the gun I guess if you shove that gun up your ass and shoot it in if you if you kill yourself by trying to fart into that gun by shoving it up your ass I'm gonna be very very upset with you Tom just saying that right now I will be very pissed off don't do that don't you give Tom the gun to fart around with Tom spend several hours with it taking it apart putting it back together when he was finished the gun looked and functioned significantly better than before oh that's nice okay captain are you all right those weird spots on your arms are a little worrisome can you see them please wait while I search through the medical database searching unfortunately I am unable to identify your affliction I'm afraid you will have to diagnose it yourself that shouldn't be too hard doctors are overrated can you do that captain oh yeah I got a book I guess I could do with the book okay I'm gonna do with the book there we go also we got a fart gun yeah we do we definitely have a fart gun we had spots appeared on your body yesterday luckily you found the solution in the handbook the spots were a first symptom of a potentially dangerous and highly shameful ailment at least it was easy to cure all you needed to do is for all the step-by-step instructions in the handbook planet or no planet whatever fine it was getting closer okay we are experiencing minor technical difficulties with the communications console in other word we are completely deaf and blind I cannot pinpoint the origin at this malfunction but I am registering an intensifying tonal signal captain it's a bomb oh the captain countdown will be over soon do something sure it the fart gun fart gun shoot shoot shoot it I'm gonna upgrade this battery upgrade the book battery lighter but battery there we go I don't know what's shooting it's gonna do but we're gonna shoot it cuz that's how I roll baby there is nothing that can't be solved with violence apparently at least that's my take on you repeatedly firing the gun at the communications console and the bomb congratulations the bomb was disabled in the gunfire frenzy we survived unfortunately you damaged other things in the cabins well of course it Oh what did I damage what did I damage doesn't look like anything's hurt looks like everything's fine you big baby upgrade or the communicator I'll grab the communicator why not baby looks upset captain he says when he feels sad he does exercise but that's not easy in the shuttle whether he was in the prison gym or occasionally attending football practice exercise was always an escape for him he says one of the few things his parents would let him do was visit the gym suddenly he looks at you sharply and begins hopping up and down he asks if he can press you like a barbell probably one of the strange requests you'll receive on this trip sir oh my god baby wants to press me oh my baby please we don't have a separate room in this shuttle it's just us oh my god I guess I guess I might be down for a little of excitement in this horrible situation we have ourselves in I I suppose you know if it's for your best interest I'll let you press me you agreed to let baby turn you into a barbell good good he wheezed as you were elevated and descended repeatedly and then elevated and descended again repeatedly with him wheezing good God over and over again you were repeatedly ascended descended elevated de elevated good god he wheezed through his teeth as he turned you into a barbell Oh anyway after baby use you for a big session a big session of elevating and descending good god big li he said in a session he'll set you softly on the ground you okay cap you were shaking like a leaf he ripped a sock out of his suits inner lining they left an extra in my dorm on the station I'm assuming sock is just a euphemism for condom in the situation he said and made a puppet and stuck his hand in the sock and made a puppet with it he handed you the puppet with a grin baby continues to think if he was so me no one seems hungry yet so I guess maybe I was over feeding him what is that a strange new world I guess I can make armor it's the only thing we have left captain wake up we're approaching some sort of celestial body it resembles a moon but I think it's a small planet let me run a quick scan 96 98 100 scanning complete oh it's right a small rocky planet with no organic life-forms but there's a lot of movement down there strange my scanners detect some caves in rock formations below captain if you want to land on this planet safely you will have to fix up a small malfunction in thar steering system since we're not even able to turn at the moment oh and you will have to do it before we float away from the planet okay I got the book which seems like a good idea but I've also got upgraded good and you guys I'm gonna make a strawpoll you guys which one the gun or the gunner book okay you guys vote on that what's the result get the book to 69 is that your objective here oh it's so close to 68 right now oh you almost had it I'll count in 69 okay book wins okay we'll do the book but if this turns out to be wrong I'm gonna be real pissed with you guys I have an upgraded gun could a blam blam ba ba ba ba ba ba ba Papa could baba would have been fine and again people still although hungry which makes me think I was over feeding him or maybe it collected all of the feeding that I did see you can't really waste cuz body fats a thing okay this better work if this doesn't work I'm gonna be real pissed and we really really really pissed okay here we go Oh oh [ __ ] oh God you flip through your trusty handbook looking for some kind of manual or at least how to land a spaceship for dummies Shepherd not sure if it was your fast reading skills or pure luck but you opened the book to the right page following the instructions you reconnected some cables and steer the shuttle towards the ground it was not a soft landing nobody's doing great after the stunt not even me I'm shaking too my cause yes all of them your face had a pretty unpleasant close encounter with our communicator module and at least one of these things is useless now considering fixing it if you want to avoid radio silence in the future what's next captain and maybe you could use the information I found while scanning the environment there are robotic units not far from here but my scan detected very aggressive signatures I think these are peaceful automatons right okay most of them perhaps they can be of help to you and in case you perish at least I'll have company so it's a win-win situation okay you might want to secure your rations for yourself dee dee would like to eat something okay they're hungry now so now I can give them some food okay find an appropriate landing spot so we first there instructions okay you know you said you detected no life but oh I guess robots that would make sense look at that they put a unique low jacket on a spacesuit what a stupid piece of crap I always think they look stupid those are doing making soup did I get anything damaged I mean that's damage captain the expedition module in the back of the cabin has been activated my advise order someone to put the space suit on and send them outside we must learn everything we can about this place one small step for a true citizen one giant leap for whatever's left of humanity okay thank you all right Wow well I don't like this statute I don't like anything here two of twelve looked what village ooh chance for tourist information chance for energy what okay what is that what the Hat what's a hazard what's that what is that hazard what's that hazard do I need energy or do I need it material I don't really need materials I've made everything I need grass that's not a hazard okay grass then what does the grass do hazard from Shrek and his swamp yeah it seems likely I guess tourist information why not uh it does look like grass which isn't a hazard the other one was obviously radiation rocky terrain my left nut that is not rocky don't worry about it I'm gonna worry about our didi you're going oh I see I see I see oh it seems like being agile and limber would be best right Tom Thomson his last name is Thompson Tom Thompson all right we're gonna send didi and you're gonna have oh that's right okay ah okay armor and a gun that seems pretty basic right armor gun maybe you need the mask maybe the mask would be better than armor I don't know ah Dee Dee's gonna go let's go armor let's go armor let's go armor I think that's probably the best okay so you're all hungry so I'm gonna make sure dinis fed before she goes or else she's gonna starve righty-ho here we go can't you do anything about this it seems fine oh this duh need to make soup it's probably okay it's probably fine if you're going to send an expedition why not do it it style remember to upgrade your expedition module dee dee left to check out the most logical location to visit the tourist info let's hope she find something more than dusty brochures and tacky souvenirs so now we wait and also we're out of [ __ ] systems disabled why captain something's not right there's an uncontrolled power surge in the crafting module I cannot do anything to stop it also I can't do anything at all cuz I'm a computer this is no accident it's sabotage someone needs to fix it immediately or it's going to blow honey or I'll fix it as the leader okay that's all we need to do right crafting systems down don't blow up please amazing captain not only did you stop the power search in the crafting module but you also upgraded it in the process somehow captain stay alert this may happen again who did it which one of you was you Tom Thompson it wouldn't be my lover who elevated me and descended me repeatedly up top guard guard he yelled as I was elevating me raising me lowering me raising me as he turned me into a barbell guard guard he yelled or whispered but it felt like yelling was it so strong he yelled when I was far away and then God went up up near his ear oh so good and not good okay Oh God I got a hammer a spatula and a tutor Oh penis I don't know how that happened but uh shovel okay sure shovel I guess captain we were able to detect transmissions of unknown origin unfortunately the communications console was damaged during landing and we cannot make anything out of them or reply for that matter we could hardwire a primitive field communicator to bypass the ax damaged subsystems and access the external external transmitter and receiver yeah do that that sounds yeah do that why wouldn't you do that do that Jesus Christ just do that whatever do it good God hello world great success captain if the communicator attached to the communications console worked like a charm how about just the aesthetics since we can finally receive an answer transmissions now all we need to do is wait for someone to contact us someone will find us eventually the crew is visibly excited by this incredible feat of Engineering they were only slightly smirking while looking at the patch communication control tomorrow will be great captain you need to be cautious this is yet another sabotage attempt well wait what was another what what was another sabotage attempt it was already broken beforehand why would why would it what captain I am detecting troubling buildup of mental tension recommended course of action throw an epic party I took the liberty of inviting myself invite the entire crew but of course the more the merrier I guess how about we invite someone new captain someone you don't know or we make ourselves a new companion yes how do we do it with this used sock it's a sock definitely a sock yep first peppers ready then the day lunk that was one super party captain I loved how you put a sock on your hand yesterday and pretended it's a person of a serious mary-jane apparently you've had quite a lively debate with it - well desperation breeds unexpected chat mates doesn't it I found it little weird when teams started arguing with the sock and eventually taught apart you've got quite a temper captain the important part is you blew off some steam you are still very mentally stable okay I think I'm giving people too much food but that's okay probably they're only hungry and we really don't have any food to spare and we have yet to piss out all the necessary supplies for another can so I think we're [ __ ] I'm gonna give them food anyway interesting news captain it appears that there's a hollow space behind one of the wall panels a hidden room maybe a secret stash it would be worth checking out what's your approach to finding out what's behind your panel my agility I'm gonna do a double backflip while smacking that panel on its ass it's one poor get rocked by my good Chile's I'm so limber right baby why he good limber his legs move reel up and around my anyway eat damn you but we're blowing around after this one yeah we're gonna recycle we're gonna turned every bodily fluid I have back into soup I have done every day yesterday I brought your attention to the hidden space behind the panels you did your best access it but to no avail oh [ __ ] we will probably never learn what's on the other side my computation suggests there's only one percent chance of there being any treasure like a really big soup can in short definitely not worth the trouble dee dee has returned safely from a trip she says she's a bit hungry when scanning a body had to Tek some mental imbalances and a little weakness the path was a tricky one the uneven surface of this planet makes it really easy to trip and fall the armor has lost the battle against sharp rocks oh well [ __ ] the outpost was mostly empty save for one board dusty robot who gave dee dee a few power cells as a welcome gift the tourist center employee explained the dee dee in every series of board beeps and distorted words the weight of the museum in the library who transported these outside our solar system so strange anyway dee dee came back carrying rations Dee said the place was a little neglected in almost-empty say for that one rusty employee the tourism industry isn't exactly booming on this planet you don't need extra rations for now baby is doing ok soup wise nice ok then we still don't have enough for more soup dee dee is tired but not hungry yet long-term space travel presents many risks to one's physical well-being from muscular atrophy to laziness to die it's notoriously high in sodium I'm concerned about the decline I've seen in the entire crews physical fitness since our little sojourn began I recommend a daily regimen of movements that use only your own body weight you don't need any equipment for those just gravity or artificial gravity any volunteers for a workout well baby loves workout baby gonna work out baby like working out baby like work out real good should we go what is that like a demon symbol or their demons in there oh here we go hazards dorkness the hazard is dorkness I don't know what can help dorkness but I don't know why it's full of darkness and this one's full of demons but I need the liquid for soup oh yeah baby's working all right Tom Thompson you're up you intelligent bastard Tom's gonna be the one for this all right Tom you're gonna take this and if its door no lighter four light light up the dark darkness around you you got a light up the darkness oh it's a smart God the darkness I guess I'd be it I'm gonna take the armor I guess just cuz that generally seems like a good idea I thought they said the armor lost the fight but apparently apparently not I don't want to recycle anything upgrade double let's upgrade the ball quite hungry nobody's hungry nobody's hungry nobody's hungry I'm vigorous I changed my mind Tom you're gonna carry the gun there's one thing that dorkness needs its gun that's the answer to that question all right let's do this chunk man I'm so good at this game babies form was impeccable pull ups plank squats and lunges in this environment he even had to wait by lifting the spare parts for the shuttle sweaty and roaring baby crushed that workout like an empty can of soup the automated automated system predicted benefits for being a model Astro citizen a hidden dispenser opened and spit out two soup cans I'm sorry to report there are only two surplus cans hidden aboard this ship for our there okay cool Hey cosmos 102 that's so nice and didi is not hungry okay let's upgrade the armor all right well we are captain Ellis a pair of robots on meandering towards us they are facing each other and appear to be fused at the hands when it's a large Hulk dragging the other which is smaller in stature could this be a parent-child pair the big droid thugs along in one leg after the other as if low on power while the little one pieces fumes from his back one has a power socket the other a mouth like receiving chamber do you wish to charge the big robot feed the little one or leave them to their Freight case I'll charge the big one then feel bad for the little one but I I don't think soup would be good to shove in the gob of a random Robo I'll charge him up with my battery and people are still not hungry well goody good for us goodie good for us okay let's do this see what happens I don't know what that's gonna do my battery seems better for a robot then soup you would lock the battery over to the Robo Renton Robo kid who is slowly trudging past the shuttle once you plug the unit into the father Bart it's straighten its back and sprung with energy the hulking machine bowed in thanks and with renewed energy picked up the weak little robot next to it and sprinted into the distance I hope their journey isn't just one of those fatherly character building exercises okay alright well everyone's hungry now don't know what the benefit of all that was but okay oh we can make one soup good one delicious soup sir one of our crew spotted something strange in the neighborhood a Space Ghost floating towards our boat with purpose are we a carrying anything mysterious it might be interested yes this weird cow don't know why we made it but we've got it so their soup for us wha-bam perfect love the way I end my days the Space Ghost phase towards you waiting a protoplasmic microphone you have to the artifact at it and exploded in a mess of slime well done sir okay who else would the crew call and ghosties Oh Space Ghost Coast to Coast the host with the most space microphone ah bring a sock puppet to transmitted coordinates what does that even I don't have a sock Oh sock requires fluids since when captain a transmission we received while you were asleep I took the liberty of decoding the message for you what I found with geographical coordinates I don't have any so screw me huh I can't do nothing I can upgrade the shovel the medkit shovel the shovel shovel fetish a big shovel wider shovel shovel axe a shavax when you reach the location from the transmission coordinates you could see somebody sneaking off into the dark behind a big rock a little suspicious although you did not bring the sock puppet the stranger asked for how forgetful of you okay so we got a better ship what the [ __ ] wow that's a nice shovel that's a quality shove right there all right why are we making all we need a new communicator I guess that makes sense you say art in these situations right I hate raising my volume but that malfunctioning body odor removal filter is making a racket I think it's malfunctioning captain there's something that we need captain can you hear me captain what's tape wait what does that mean listen Tom supposed to be back by now Oh everything in life is just for a little while captain always needs to be wary of surprises all can be lost in a single day guys I got a bad feeling I got a bad feeling about all this oh there's Tom you fix the body odor removal filter by replacing the worn-out screws with tape the captain no longer smells of unwashed astronauts everyone on board could think clearer without the constant din drowning out every thought Tom returned from his library excursion quite exhausted problems from all the heavy reading he complains about a rumbling stum a rumbling tumbly I judge his mental state to be a little off tom says library is a little boring but nevertheless impressive a few automatons take care of a big data collection while some citizens visit the building to browse yeah Tom got a bit lost in the dark corridors of the libraries of restricted section he used the lighter to find his way back but kept dropping it due to shaky hands the light has suffered Oh Tom did learn something useful during his trip when he came back he pointed out a few things around the shuttle that we could repurpose for crafting who scattered all these cans so far away from Earth weird anyway Tom picked up some soup on the way this trip had the potential to uncover technologies of the astros citizen creators could only dream of only the human mind wasn't solely limited baby it shows you that you can still count on his friendship oh that's good that's nice empty stomach Communications Ray's intercepted number transmissions that are referencing a crash space vessel they might referring to our ship captain oh is that good or bad that could be bad hungry tired vigorous okay well we got some goop might as well make a sock puppet since we're good on soup for now because I want to have one of those captain crew made Dawkins is staring at you and smiling it's a little disturbing to be honest she's been doing it for a while she says she only wants to chat and lift your spirits because you look a little down I believe didi is is trying to be a good friend but captain you're busy right now you doing captain stuff you're the boss here but I think you should not abandon your post for some idle chats do you wish to mingle with the crew of course I do I wouldn't do that try do not do or do not try everyday must end with one clear decision hopefully the right one that's not reassuring at all go to the village there's radioactive hazard I guess the gas mask would help that probably okay let's send let's send Dede out again but Dedes hungry but I've it'll feed didi if she if I say right now on the way out I'm almost positive so yes we'll spend some time wait is that gonna spend time with Dede then let me see what that does no it doesn't okay all right all right Dede you gonna take over in the gas mask mask yeah when there is none I'm guessing that's what that's all about that sounds right it's all right it's all right yeah it's pretty good so Dee Dee's the only one that's hungry but Dee Dee is gonna get a can of soup on the way out that is good maybe a shovel oh you might be on to something there but you gotta be banned for backseat gaming sorry okay alright I think we're good to go I think we're good okay you spent most of the afternoon with Dee Dee discussing your favorite cinema flicks and sticking out your tongues in my direction how dare you I'm writing this down is insubordination stop laughing at once okay well that that was good so we need to eat now good everything's good I'm detecting the huge energy surge the service seismic waves I think there's an earthquake coming the shuttle is sturdy but this ground isn't his soil has a high potential to liquefy when those earthquake hits there's a better patch of rocky ground just a few yards ahead you can use the shuttles thrusters to scoot onto it but if you overshoot it you'll be on even worse ground than you are now will you attempt the maneuver well if we don't try it we're screwed anyway so I say we go for it because no matter what we got to try something right that's the only thing we gotta try something we gotta try and succeed you use the shuttles thrusters to scoot on to a better patch of ground coming to rest on the edge of a rocky soil the moment the earthquake hit for a few nightmarish seconds the shuttle bucked to and fro like baby lifting you up and down elevating you descending you good good yes he cried out into the moon light Oh raising you lowering you the whole shuttle undulating with your passion over a few nightmares seconds good good seconds the shuttle buck to and fro back and forth like a bad atmospheric entry coughing you left right up down forward backwards Gord Gord anyway but the shaking stopped you opened your eyes and the strangest silence followed then you laughed okay alright what happens when we upgrade this sock puppet I think that's hilarious but we need more soup we just gotta keep our soup hi baby appears to be upset captain in his hands he holds a tiny toy his beloved Soviet soccer figurine its head has come off he sobs saying that this was the only toy he was allowed I know I remember whenever his parents made him do other things to people nasty things lifting things he would always imagine he was the soccer and as the victim was a commie spy now he's older he realizes if parents were probably the bad guys if I had tear ducts eyeshadows in abscissa yes if you can help him repair a superhero you've never seen anyone else touch it it's his most precious possession what do you think yeah sure if I break it you'll kill me right probably okay all right cool let's do this whoo anybody hungry no one's hungry right you're all good you're all good right go for we're all friends here we're all good no way I'd break this it's no and break this you thought there'd be no harm in indulging baby's Soviet beating fantasies so you looked at the Soviet soccer figurine with him the two of you huddled up in a chair for a few hours lifting and lowering benching and unn benching discussing in depth what baby thought about the earth and old America then you fell asleep in his arms and it was the best rest you've had in recent memory in baby's big warm embrace you look safer than anywhere else in the cosmos he's big strong lifting on lifting arms good god he whispered as he went off to sleep beautiful captain I remember that transmission we received recently the one with the coordinates it's back whoever sent it must still be waiting there ah okay well guess we'll take a sock puppet and go out there I guess guess we'll upgrade a cow nobody's hungry good I could probably wait one more day after they're hungry but I like keeping my guys fed maybe rendezvous you approach the location held up the sock puppet on one hand and exclaimed I come at Bridge a small metal figure has stepped out from behind the rock her name was she Sheila sh e il a Sheila and her disappointed look made it obvious she was expecting someone else entirely alas you are not a handsome young robot named Dumbo Sheila or easier on your human ears and eyes Sheila I got it lavance a glitch that occurred in a programming making a fall in love with young Dumbo despite both of them already having different companions assigned by the planet system Sheila believes Dumbo's programming is not flawed and he cannot return her feelings you seem really moved by this tragic love story me not so much okay so what was the point of that what was the point of that we've received a pan flipped on a window try ebo zijn Universal shopping from the comfort of your own planet free gift we soared up Wow meat he bows on network lets you order pretty much anything except food and water and it will arrive via portal with him 202 galactic business days there's a catch though the account creation process requires you to jump through some hoops I mean literally you have to leap through a string of temporal portals to become verified the fine print says there's no risk of death or dismemberment but in sanity is possible and he what is a code this I'll jump through the hoops I guess glad we got that settled oh I meant and baby are hungry Tom Thompson is not hungry alright romantic dinner together it is then we're gonna starve is always starving die you touch the floor quickly split it up the e boson sign a puddle disappearing into a dimension breach with a flash of blue lightning settled Brockton you popped out the other side of the portal unharmed the fine print of the pamphlet expanded to show it would take one to collect business days we a verification process at which Sammy would begin your Universal shopping experience the pamphlet then expanded again to define one black the business day as 525 million 600 thousand minutes or 1000 earth years finally the permit scanned the shuttle to see if you qualified for a promised free gift and determined you did not when you ask why not the pamphlet said you had violated the terms of service but refused to explain further then it vanished in a cloud of annoying paradoxes dearly returned from the nearby robot village so the place isn't big just a few streets in a few dozen robotic families at the most all of them peaceful anyway didi state is a little fragile she's famished and a mental state is questionable did he walk through some weird bad smelling fumes from machinery the mask filters were completely covered up by a black greasy film knew didi stumbled upon a rock formation shaped like a banana she took a piece to show to you but I took the liberty of breaking it down to its base components you're welcome didi found some small dusty rocks and even a few gems behind the robotic houses the inhabitants of the village were kind enough to give didi directions to the bomb craters and robot statue she did not expect them to find one out there but there was an old sock I was making a sock the fact that you could find some soup out there will never seem to amaze me didi was pleasantly surprised by this trip the automatons might keep their distance little though they are friendly enough that's good news but crafting complete I got stupid [ __ ] okay whatever captain the sentient robots who introduced himself as Charles d12 is welcoming us to the planet of his people I was asking us for aid he hurt his arm in a fall and requires assistance this is some advanced technology captain not sure we can do much to help poor Charlie here well perhaps you could improvise solution okay no puss abductee I got a hiccup again [Applause] wait information from Sheila Oh we're gonna get more information from Sheila okay I get it so that wasn't a waste okay where can we go you got the museum again we've got robot statue that's interesting but we don't need more Rock bomb craters uh go back to the bomb craters I guess all right Tom you demand Tom well you're not very agile let me suffer baby to go out there maybe it's time for baby some baby pulled baby's share our baby you're gonna go with armor you're gonna go with gas mask wait craters crater is mean digging shovel I don't know why they're already holes in the ground we'd only make the holes bigger okay whatever it's fine Tom Thompson hungry tired I'm gonna give Tom some food there you go tom you suck go away hope you die goodbye wait no babies leaving I thought tom was leaving baby don't die you're my soul mate want you to lift me some more you fixed up the wandering robots are truly the cornerstone of human invention Charlie he said I could call him Charlie was properly impressed and offered to repay the favor the robot shared with her some information about local customs the mechanical diseases of the planets have renounced violence and Charlie assures us that we are welcome and should feel safe here as he was leaving he promised to throw us in a good word for his compatriots okay baby left to explore about two holes in the ground riveting babies gonna love that sir something is seeping into the shuttle it looks like a trickle of iron fillings could it be nano machines outside - shut up a tract of bright vital flowers and clean soil lead away into the distance the nano machines are pouring in and pooling on the floor sliding in various directions there's a high risk situation captain shall I continue letting them in wait a tract of bright vital flowers and clean soil lead away into the distance but that seems like a good thing I think this clean soit vital flowers clean soil that sounds good to me sounds good to me honestly that seems like a good thing I don't know what this wad of tissues is all about but I can guess yeah that's probably fine vital flowers vital flowers and clean dirt I want that give give me some clean dirt and vital flowers that sounds perfectly wonderful the flood of nanomachines entering the cabin was becoming a torrent but you decided not to stem the flow and interesting decision sir within moments they wrapped themselves around your leg like a snake of solids once they got a taste of you the nanomachines started piling up to create a demon gray pillar I figure beragon to emerge from the mass it was your captain a nano clone complete doppelganger within minutes it was complete and started attacking you we managed to wrestle the pretender out of the shuttle but you took a matin oh you're in peak physical condition captain wait wait a minute is this the cloth [Music] it's the cool it's a clone on the ship with us Oh rats you know those scratching sounds coming out of the ventilation shafts late at night we have rodents captain they must have hitched a ride from Earth if the infestation isn't handled the rats will eat your food supplies then probably you how will you deal with this problem and book and book II book to the hand nailed it I wonder if I'm a clone about that rodent infestation yesterday the result of your decision about how to handle it were unexpected your research how to domesticate alien wildlife in the handbook and applied what you learned at the earth rats great news captain it worked they won't ravenously chew through your food supplies but you do have to love them oh that's not so bad that's actually pretty good I've got nothing left to do I don't have any other materials I don't want to recycle anything anyone hungry hungry hungry we all hungry seeing as humans as slaves to emotions I understand Sheila came back to get your advice on a romantic request it's a way to make a different robot love her unconditionally or is it possible for her to get rid of a defective feelings module altogether now it is a time to reconnect with your basic human instincts what do you feel is the best approach to effectively revolving Sheila's situation 5.1 you guys show you muscles you gonna not use your muscles you got there mates will lift them up you gotta elevate them you gotta put them down you gonna lift him up you gotta lift him down you got lift lift lower lift lower you lift them up because florrum now together with Sheila you decide that the best defense is a good offense you promised to help her cause the similar glitch in Dumbo's programming perhaps this will allow them to reciprocate Sheila's feelings I have to say captain this isn't the most ethical decision especially considering that this society already has matchmaking rules in place you might want to start looking around for spare parts and tools that's not what I was suggesting I'm sure Sheila is going to need a few things to complete the procedure oh I didn't know that's that's what you were gonna go for I didn't think you were gonna do that I'm gonna make a super sock puppet I didn't know that was the thing there's a robot city passing outside yes starlight cities mobile it floats above the planets solar Terminator the twilight line where day becomes night the city has both the day in the night side but is 100% starlight palliative their technology is far more advanced than the other robot communities we've seen on this world maybe they could help you one of you might be able to catch them if you run fast who will go run fast DD's limber DD's real limber dat rim limb DD limber DD limber DD limb b DD limber them V DD limber DD limb be she'll emblem Lim Lim DD will be so good look D do that Tim be limber and a Blee limb blow Lindey debil humble Leiby dumpy DeeDee limb be limber limber never timber limb be humble all right and tomorrow baby will come back I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure baby comes back tomorrow so we should be good on that one we're making it pretty far so that's pretty good the floating cities slowed down and let DeeDee catch up to it the robots gave our oxygen and insisting on giving a free stuff oh they were so nice there are about sub Starlight city worried about you getting hungry on such a lifeless rocky world so they give you swoop to fill your belly good news everyone baby found his way back from the treacherous bomb crater field he returned exhausted on an empty stomach and a bit rattled ready to hear his report there's a reason even automatons don't want to settle there apart from the bad memories there are some toxic gases still around the air and pollution in the ground the master did his job but the filters look pretty used up by now baby descended into the abyss and looked particularly promising and shoveled until he uncovered some proper Oh baby managed to dissect some of the toxin fumes coming from the ground who scattered all these cans so far away from Earth weird anyway baby came back carrying rations good thing the civilization moved on from their violent ways the bomb craters remain what are the few reminders of the turbulent past not the most engaging experience but it was still more fun than slowly dying of boredom inside the shuttles baby says alright everyone seems to be so happy oh it is troublesome captain but appears someone was following our Explorer during their expedition oh I don't know who that could be I have no idea who that could be who who who could that be I have no idea that there's weird uh captain my weather systems that detecting a storm on the horizon is moving fast so it will hopefully pass by tomorrow but this one could get nasty thunder lightning gale force winds sharp objects howling at you from every which way I'd like to keep monitoring the storms movement throughout the night but doing so will require my sensors to run on battery power as it is on advisable to leave the main generator reacting through a storm what do you want to do battery well captain you are so resourceful and handsome no I have a soulmate baby's back I'm sorry computer it just can't be the same between us Oh gonna go out into the darkness again that does look like a demon symbol what is this what what hazard is that what hazard is that and remember if I take your answer I'm gonna have to ban you but just what is that Klingons I don't think so evil pumpkin hazard died doubtful pentagram that seems like that's what it is odd the artifact wait yeah wait do you send the artifact I thought that myself I think I think you would need to bring the artifact wouldn't you that makes sense to me no no and ban from now and I I got to there myself so that was all me okay well it says there's a chance for a gun there but the same time I'm kind of like maybe I should bring a gun just in case maybe you should bring the book I'm gonna go cow book I'm gonna go cow book I'm a cow book we're gonna do cow book wait rich if it is a ritual it could be dangerous I'm gonna give her some armor just in case okay and by hungry no hungry no hunger I'm not hung go cuz I'm a machine you ran the weather monitoring systems on battery power the storm moves south and you were spared the worst of it by morning you'd completely passed oh don't you love the smell after her terrains you spend the morning sifting through the washed up junk piles but it was just a bunch of water logs crap dude he went off to pay a visit to the rowboat tofu's first and only Museum while you worry about a safe return I will make some space on my hard drive for new information about this mysterious planet okay what are you deleting to do that can we make anything more soup you're not hungry you're hungry you're hungry okay captain we have unwanted visitors a horde of robotic penguins after the shadow completely surrounded they appear hostile unless they're brandishing those knives for some other reason their lawn penguins captain the kind of cheap decoration of wealthy robot would put in his front garden the computers have all been hacked by a murderous virus how will you deal with them gone oh we just got rid of the artifact Oh God the second-best option we shall use gun on them we're gonna gun them who's hunky you hungry you hungry you not hungry okay you not hungry hungry hungry okay all right hungee hungee gone bang bang bang bang you bracelet or shot and crouched with the gun in your hand praying it would be enough to stop the hold of murderers yard penguins or at least let you take some of them with you but after a few hours you're not sick of waiting and opened the door the penguin were gone there was only an obscene shaped carving in the dirt in front of the shovel Wow real mature guys I bet if I had the artifact that would have been very different but we got soup so that's good you hungry you hungry no hungee alright make more soup we're receiving a signal from deep space it seems to be a pulsar except it's pulse isn't like anything we have seen before pulsars are neutron stars we all know what Paul SARS are they met beams of e/m radiation that can appear to be intelligent in orders but this one is the intelligent in origin do you want to decode the message for your VR do your hungee hungee okay you are ghee alright go you rush to decode the pulsars message it was an advertisement domains a Zacks porn Emporium voted best in universe freak gun giveaway still going on turn left off the super strength 462 parsecs muting this at my league to death you waited but no guns appeared anywhere what a lame giveaway Sheela the troubled robot is currently trying to gather some mechanical parts and tools to help her create a malfunction in fellow robot Dumbo she's hoping to awaken love within Dumbo's programming similar to her own hold off on gun um cuz it's already gone bad and we're gonna wait on that one just a little bit longer we're gonna wait and we're gonna get the artifact back we're not gonna gun just go over to the guy like you better love me or I swear because it allowed me to loop back before whoa Tom are you okay you are looking sassy everybody's looking so good everybody good everybody's good vigorous alerts oh I like it alert and vigorous you refuse to participate in this scenario any further captain oh wait no no wait no wait wait what no wait no wait no what God I still think it's marginally better than Gunn no but at the same time I wish I could have seen it through that was real mother real pissed about that one okay Tom wants to get matching tattoos is a symbol of taking your relationship to the next level oh okay according to Tom's stories about being a gold medalist Olympic bobsledder this was commonly done before bobsledding teams before the big race however there will be nowhere you can hide this from baby should you accept it you'll have to choose one person or the other will it be well there's the obvious baby the first wrong with you Tom Thomson didi we'll be back in a second Jesus Tom get over yourself me and baby were soul mates soul mates Tom you declined to get matching tattoos with Tom and chose baby to be a partner instead Tom grab the homemade tattoo gun and pointed it at you you reminded him that wasn't now tattoo guns worked and the standoff ended in tears I observed that a human can still cry with both eyes open even after losing one captain didi returned from expedition she should have exhausted starved and quite stressed out her visit to the museum was rather educational did you know these automatons programming has been set to 0% violence for the past few centuries a spooky exhibits scare didi so much she ran away waving the artifact around in panic the little statue was badly damaged did he scored some resources the trip was definitely educational it's clear the history of the life on this planet organic or otherwise reaches back further than human history I found it especially interesting that these atomic tones build mechanical fauna to keep themselves company okay I mean Thomas oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] dude oh he looks oh he looks mad it said that artifact was damaged but it doesn't look damaged at all well whatever I guess I can't complain we got so much Rock why do we have so much rock we don't have anything else to make we just got Rock no well now Tom's in supporting whatever Tom shut up shut up Tom my metal detector is showing a piece of ancient robot technology buried a few paces from the shuttle I don't know if it's possible but it's a coffeemaker fancy one do robots even drink coffee really way the coffeemaker isn't buried too deep you could probably get in with your bare hands still seems to be functioning you want to dig it up sure haunted coffee maker I'll take it who's hungry who's hungry we're all hungry Hey time for a family meal everybody food all round and we're gonna have coffee is there even a better way to live life you know what Tom shouldn't have asked Tom knew I was spoken for oh he's better now he's better you and the other crew members dug up with fancy coffeemaker and discovered it was still full of beans genetically engineered to meet robot tastes meaning the longest lasting and best-tasting in the universe they were still good you sat and shared the most amazing cup of coffee of your lives philosophizing for hours about how the robots were able to provoke this once exclusive human art form I've never seen a human more excited than dee dee was when she drank that delicious coffee she's much happier since she received that unexpected dose of caffeine she kept sniffing the mug for hours until the smell finally went away well he's no longer insubordinate that's fun now everyone's happy I am a machine and machines cannot hear voices the voices that I'm not hearing right now are getting very loud though oh you hear them too my weight sensors are picking something up as well a two-dimensional species that explains why my cameras missed them quite vicious I gather with one decisive yell the voices are approaching fast here inside the doors look very empty yet very hostile all of a sudden how will you defend us captain I guess yeah we could talk to him seems better than lighting it on fire smacking with the shovel no one's hungry no one's hungry no one's hungry no one all right cool I don't know if that's gonna be good or bad whatever oh I meant to AH expedition expedition I forgot about the expedition [ __ ] the voices claim you were the prejudiced against the no depth unflappable you heard the voices out and apologize for all three dimensional beings they appreciated the gesture deeply caught you flat in spirit and a friend of all depth independent the voices claimed you were prejudiced against the no depth on flat but we already did that okay someone dropped off a package at the doorstep the note says please enjoy this organic junk humans we got it in a crappy trade dear centuries ago maybe you could find a use for this inside is a bunch of old dried-up alien herbs definitely useless to these automatons have enabled it available under there what are you gonna do with it dried up alien herbs you say wait hang on are they talking about alright are they talking about could that possibly refer it to a little stanky dank was light that bad well let's like let's light those bad boys let's light them let's just give a little can you tell how much I've smoked all right Tom get the [ __ ] out ere ok hazard is uneven terrain I guess that's what that was a this is actually a short trip Tom get out there take the armor take the gun why not take the gun screw it take the gun Tom just take the gun and go yeah it's gonna go good this is gonna be good I have a good feeling about this the crew agreed they like the smell of herbs so you lit the leaves up to freshen the air inside the shuttle everyone sat on the floor for hours enjoying the sweet smelling smoke the crew agreed the crew agreed it made your minds so clear and that the colors were so much sharper than before did you get enough sleep last night a stripped citizens your eyes are a bit red it totally was oh man they totally did also I think the lighter broke let's hope it's not just a sightseeing trip extra supplies are always welcome that's funny I'm laughing we're all laughing I'm laughing you're laughing we're all laughing captain I recorded a transmission this morning it was a public service announcement from the swidden ear sweetie sweetie nee I said sweetie you shut up nearest to us and I thought you might find it interesting yesterday a robot was found behind his quarters permanently deactivated as I understand it was an accidental deactivation looks like someone unqualified was trying to perform a complicated procedure on the victims mechanism and failed miserably how tragic I wonder what push the perpetrator to do such a thing well [ __ ] God dear but the gun wouldn't have been [Music] god damnit why didn't why didn't I have the artifact that dreams captain my senses detect give you tossing and turning all night finally awakening very suddenly with a rapid heart rate perhaps something is weighing on your conscience shut up captain an old previously dormant shadow light on the planet's orbit has suddenly activated in his transmitting the message is coated with a cipher the robots around here don't use and ask to be aliens the transmission says or you a robot that's all that's all it says over and over well I how can I respond that taunting me captain you need to deal with this somehow prove to them that we're not robots you're not are you maybe I might be a robot I don't know if I'm not are you a robot you might be a robot anyway I'm very smart I might be a clone oh my god what the [ __ ] [Music] what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] duck what the [ __ ] you and the crew introduce yourself with the confidence tried to show off the power of the humanik lend intellect by reciting the first few oh no that's real [ __ ] dumb that's real that's real that's that's [ __ ] stupid that's [ __ ] stupid that's so [ __ ] stupid are you [ __ ] yes it makes sense but it's still a dick move what a dick move what a dick move Oh dumb that was really dumb that was dumb I was doing good too besides my one misstep was Sheila but kind of I remember why I hate this game I remember why I hate 60 seconds I remember why I hate it I remember I remember I remember why [Music]

Channel: Markiplier

Views: 5,286,349

Rating: 4.9226813 out of 5

Keywords: 60 parsecs, 60 seconds, markiplier, 60 parsecs markiplier, 60 parsec gameplay, 60 parsecs ending, 60 parsecs funny, funny, funny moments, funny gameplay, choose your own adventure, glitches, soup

Id: Ij_bfJq_Xeg

Length: 80min 11sec (4811 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 21 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/Milospesh]

Yeah he was very pissed off at the end (livestreamed).

[u/tbakke]

"What is thaaat?"

That, my dear Mark, is a moomin. (www.moomin.com). It's from an old finnish-swedish childrens tv show (from back before the interwebs).

(atleast that's what it looks like to me)