Don’t be his teddy bear | Hotel Chronicles

hey hey tony guys here hey just popping in for a quick video what's on my heart today based on yesterday's talk with tony um i'm on some ministry work so i'm in a hotel working with one of my mentees he's getting ready for next level next step in his career and um working with him for a couple days and want to pop in today only time today i could shoot hopefully maybe tomorrow i get a video up but one of the things i've been noticing is kind of like a little theme i've been seeing as i'm going through the emails and talks with tony and i'm reading them every day and i want to remind you of this if you are a woman watching this but even if you're a man watching this this can be you know the other way around as well so you can always flip it but one thing that i noticed that we as men do and i've been guilty of this when i was a grown boy is we will use a woman as our human teddy bear and as a woman you have to be able to understand the difference between a wife and a mother see a mother she feels responsible for that man because she brought him into the world so she sees him as her responsibility that no matter what he does she has to love him and she has to be there for him that's how mothers typically feel now you have some mothers that will give their son a boot to the behind if he won't get his act together especially as an adult male now i watched my grandmother god rest her soul forgive her son and her grandson over and over and over they were stealing her insurer they were stealing her grocery money they were stealing her dresses and they were selling the stuff for drugs and she still let them come back and live with her anytime they got they went to jail she paid to bail them out and that was just an endearing love just a unconditional love that she had because her coming from selma alabama area and seeing the struggle of black people her being born in 1925 in alabama she looked at it differently she looked at it as these are the products of the environment these are the products of it ain't just them it's what their life has put them in is what the world that they were raised in has placed and so she looked at it like that so as a mom as a grandmother okay that's i i'm not in that role so i can't see it fully or feel fully but one thing i know as a husband i know what i need from a wife and as a man i understand that men we are prone to taking shortcuts we will take a shortcut we will cheat we will manipulate we will deceive that our nature is to get over you have to search high wide and far to find a man that his nature is to be honest and to be fair you don't meet that often and i'm dealing with men on a daily basis and it's hard to find because i do honest business and i'm very fair in business and i'm very generous in business and i give more than i should give and i take less than i should take and so me doing business with men i realize men are cutthroat i just had a 50 000 transaction yesterday that i had to cancel because i realized the men i was dealing with were dishonest and liars and they worked for an organization a whole company that does billions of dollars of multi-millions of dollars a year and they still was dishonest and liars and cheaters and i had to take my money off the table and say i'm taking my business elsewhere because y'all lied to me and these are men who have consequences who have to pay a price somewhere who got a boss i don't have a boss but god and i don't move like that but you know what it took for me to get here it took my wife not being my teddy bear because he when you think about this and i've talked about this in other videos but i it need his own video when you think about this what does a little boy do with his teddy bear when he's angry it gets taken out on that teddy bear anything he mad he's trying to rip off a leg he's trying to rip out the eye he's throwing it up against the wall he putting it on the ground he jumping up and down on it he grabbing it by the legs he's slamming it on the ground it's hitting in the head when you see this five-year-old or this now ironically my sons their life is different so i've never seen them go off when they stuff it like that but if they playing with it they might um elbow dirt um what's your dirty rolls elbow everything and then when it's time to sleep oh come on get they stuffy they put it up under their head and go to sleep and that same little boy if he doesn't mature he grows up to be a man he grows up to be a man a an adult male but he still is throwing temper tantrums he still is immature and so the woman becomes his teddy bear because at 18 at 20 at 30 at 40 at 50 he can't walk around with no stuffed animal he can't lay down in the bed with no stuffed animal so who replaces his stuffy or his play play his dinosaur or whatever it was he had his his dog some men growing up some men take their anger out on their dog kicking the dog i told y'all about the kick the cat syndrome some man to do that and now as an adult he picks the woman to be that human teddy bear and what he wants to do is use you for his pain for his trauma for all his issues you as a woman you get used you get used and abused and taken advantage of and he runs in and out your life so he'll cheat on you and then you expected to forgive him and put up with that somebody sent me a picture um of a man texting a woman it was like a screen shot a man texting a woman and said you know you shouldn't be leaving me for cheating on you um i only cheated on you to make you stronger but you'll never understand that that's the ignorance i'm talking about right there that's the ignorance i'm talking about right there and then you have these men who they call themselves using alpha male strategies when that's really beta male strategies because a man a real man a real quote-unquote alpha male i only label myself as i don't give myself no labels as a man you a man or you ain't and but a real man is not going breadcrumb no woman a real man ain't gonna strain no woman alone a real man ain't gonna play no mind games with no woman those beta male strategies that these guys call the alpha male strategies but it's really because they butt hurt it's but it's because they have childhood trauma it's because they had a no good daddy absent father that was no good that dog out they mama and treated them like casper the ghost and they hurting they're hurting and they lost and they confused and so they hollering alpha male strategy but really that's a weak man who is weak and so he has to use a woman to make the woman weaker than him he want to use the woman and debase the woman to make the woman feel worthless so that he can feel like he has some value he want to feel like a high value man so that means in his mind he has to treat a woman with low value he gotta make her a low value human so he can call himself a high value human and you have to recognize this if a and and i'm i'm a i'm a speak you know directly to paint a picture but understand what i'm saying is uh my life is different now than where it was when i started on this journey but every single day i'm looking for a way to love my wife so i'm on the road right now on doing ministry not too far from home but we're gonna go to the outlets and i'm gonna be and i'm looking for a gift to get my wife that i could take home just to say i miss you and every day i get an email i try to order her something every week just to come in the mail unexpectedly to say i love you when i'm talking to her we talk to one o'clock in the morning and she may be talking about her high school basketball team she may be talking about the school the kids she may be talking about anything it could be the most random thing but i'm listening to her and i'm engaging in that conversation and i'm letting her talk to she tired and she ready to go to bed because i want that emotional healing i want that to be freeing for her and other night two nights ago she said she said you know we're getting ready to celebrate 14 years of marriage and we still stay up and pillar talk till one o'clock in the morning and i got to get up at 5am and she said but i wouldn't trade that for anything she was excited about the four hours of sleep she was fitting to get because she get up at five with our sons they get stuff ready before they get up at six and she was happy about that four hours but see what my thing is as a man is not to control her uh we had a financial decision to make a lot of men feel like oh it's just financial decisions it's on demand and they don't want to include the woman what i did is i said hey baby this right here is coming in here go five things five priorities that i feel five things that we could do what you think we should do it was one of them that i wanted to do one of those financial moves i wanted to make but she said another one and what she said made perfect sense yes i could have interchanged it and went with what i wanted to do but what she said made perfect sense so for peace and for inclusiveness and to let her know that your voice and your opinion matters to me i went with the choice that she said because it made sense and it wasn't like me not going with the move i was thinking about making was gonna be any better in the grand scheme of things and i really that move i wanted to make was kind of because i'm more invested in that and it means more to me but overall what she said made perfect sense and this these examples i'm i want you to understand that as a woman your man should be making you feel heard making you feel appreciated making you feel validating you in the sense of he's not trying to discredit you he's not trying to make you look dumb or feel dumb he's not trying to you and make himself look like the all-knowing wonderful being god's gift to you and you are just an accessory in his life that's not what he's doing but he should be uplifting you and he should be protecting your heart and he should be protecting your mind meaning he should be faithful to you when not just faithful to you he should be talking to you with respect and talking to you with love he should not be belittling you berating you degrading you demeaning you he should not be misleading you he should not be bread crumbing master tabling alpha male strategy in he should not be any of that because what that stuff does is it feeds when we operate in these alpha male strategies quote unquote it feeds our insecurity it feeds our weakness it feeds our pain and so what the woman becomes is a slave and the man assumes that he is a king because he has a slave and that's what you have to realize and that's what's breaking down society because when that happens now this man he then begins to tear this woman apart which then trickles down to the children and tears the children apart so you have to make sure that you're not a human teddy bear and that you're not being misused and mistreated but you're being loved appreciated and respected it is tony gaskins god bless you

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 40,873

Rating: 4.968524 out of 5

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Id: FZ9PxekkCT4

Length: 14min 59sec (899 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 18 2021