#1 Hardest Thing For Men In A Relationship

hey hey tony gaskins here now you know i want to touch on something what i would call the number one thing most most most men struggle with in a relationship and this is something that you know i've struggled with myself and i've noticed that every man i've met has struggled in this area and i guess it really comes from ego pride but that is genuinely genuinely saying i am sorry or i apologize for but without using the word but if and or but i am sorry for talking to you the way that i talk to you and i will never do it again i am sorry for not keeping my word when i said i would call you and i will never do that again i am sorry for canceling the date and being irresponsible and i will never do that again i am sorry for cheating on you and i will never do that again now that last one is like you really don't want to hear that it's like try what you apologize for going back to this we say that and a lot of people say that but i'm asking a lot of questions from women who've taken a man back out to cheating so we got to really figure out like what our stance is on that is this like a one cheat and gone is this a one cheat and forgive and give a second chance and then second cheat you gone like what is it you gotta decide that for yourself but here's the thing this number one thing that men struggle with if you have a man as a woman who this man can apologize and then change is totally different than a man who apologizes and then he keeps doing the same thing that's another term for him someone who he doesn't mind saying i'm sorry he says i'm sorry every day but he does the same thing the next day or the next week then that's not who i'm talking about because i've seen when i when i said that before in the video five signs he's in love with you i saw a comment that said oh my god i apologize all the time but he trashed every other area then it it's negated you know it's null and void that's not what i'm talking about but when you have a man that when he is wrong he can sit you down when everything is cool calm and collected and out of his mouth i'm not talking about on a text message they don't count on a text message on a voicemail on a voice memo i'm talking about sit you down and look you in your eyes and apologize for what he has did done and then to make a change to do the opposite to do a 180 and turn that thing around and start heading in the right direction that right there is very rare because think about it this is what will happen as as men we're going to make a mistake in almost every area of our lives and of the relationship so as a man we're going to make the mistake of yelling at you of leaving the toilet seat up of not picking up after ourselves of not keeping our word a lot of men cheating emotional cheating or you know flirting or looking too hard and then some men physical cheating now if now look the easiest thing for a man to apologize for is cheating that's the easiest thing so it's really because that's expected it's like you can't do anything less than apologize when you cheat so that's not what i'm talking about like that's easy now if your man is cheating on you you shouldn't be excited that he apologizes about that like that's a given that's understood what i'm talking about is like everyday stuff like stuff in the relationship that he could just brush under the rug like it's nothing like if he raises his voice at you if he curses at you if he calls you out out of your name if he plans a date and cancels it if he plans a date and he's an hour late two hours late if he says i'mma call you at nine he doesn't call if he doesn't introduce you to a friend that y'all bump into in the mall if he doesn't introduce you to his sister his mother in a decent amount of time or to his friends if he embarrasses you in public by a joke that he made something he said that he thought was funny but it was at your expense and it hurt your feelings like this type of stuff that can happen anytime i'm not talking about cheating and then he's apologizing for cheating but just the stuff that humans do being immature being ignorant being irresponsible those things that can happen at any time when he will sit you down and look you in the eye and apologize and then he makes a change and he doesn't do it again and if it happens it happens like a long time later or just complete mistake you can tell it that it was not intentional whatever that may be you know it's just so many things that can happen that offends us as humans so i'm giving room for that but think about this if a man yells at you y'all are having a heated disagreement and he yells at you he raises his voice and then an hour later or the next day within 72 hours at the longest he apologizes to you and he says i would never do that again i am extremely sorry for what i did that's uncalled for it's disrespectful it's immature i acted out out of anger frustration whatever it was and i apologize and i won't do that again he just removed that off the table so now imagine communicating with this man for the rest of your life without him yelling that's beautiful if he curses at you and he apologizes for that and says he'll never do that again now imagine living with this man and him not yelling and him not cursing at you that's beautiful if he sets up a date and cancels it and then he'll apologize and said i'll never do that again imagine living the rest of your life without a date being cancelled meaning of course yeah it could be canceled emergency happens but just him being irresponsible or not respecting your time like imagine that that's that's beautiful that's amazing so that's what i want you to think about and really realize that this is something that you really want to get your man to this point and if he can't apologize like verbally apologize looking you in the eye and apologize [Applause] i don't want to say your relationship is over i don't want to say it'll be terrible because a man could know what he did wrong and have remorse and tell himself he's never going to do that again and then he never does it again but he never set it out of his mouth that he apologizes so i will say that if you're with this man and you plan on being with this man and spending time with this man by giving him your life and he does something that offends you and he doesn't apologize i will say that it is okay and it's probably smart that you sit him down and you say hey you know the other day you yelled at me and i really didn't appreciate that and i know you may be remorseful for it or i don't know or you may not be but that really offended me and i don't feel comfortable or be or feel safe being in a relationship that you're going to be yelling at me or cursing at me or scheduling dates and cancelling or saying you're going to call not call whatever the issue is and so i really would expect and appreciate a verbal apology with you looking me in the eye and apologizing the same way i have apologized to you for the things i've done wrong or the same way i would apologize to you if i do something that offends you and express it just like that now the beauty about expressing it like that for one it's you shouldn't do it in a heated moment to where you're yelling or you're crying and you're he's not gonna hear anything so you do it in a peaceful in a calm moment and now this is where you're going to see what type of man you have [Music] now 90 of us that's gonna offend us because it feels like a ultimatum it feels like you twisting our arm so we're gonna be offended now but a real man a man that you can trust a man that you can build with a man that you can grow with he is going to pause he's going to take it in he's going to say well you know i'm sorry you know i'm sorry about that i didn't know i thought that was a given that you understood that i was sorry about it you know i hugged you and took you out to eat or you know he may give some explanation of how he showed his apology without saying it but now he knows and it's good to know it's good for him to know because he may not know that that's something that you wanted verbally like he may think that just change behavior is enough but you wanted him to actually say it so that it's confirmed from his lips to your ears that he is sorry for what he did and that there is some importance to that it's just like when we go to court and we have to you know swear on making oath that we won't lie when we get married and we have to out loud say our vows so it's like you know it's like that to where some things need to be spoken verbally and not just assumed that they are understood emotionally or mentally or mutually without it being said some things need to be said and then of course as you see in a lot of cases things need to be written and signed on so we you don't got to go that far like he write out the apology and he got signed it and dated it and you signed it and dated that's too much you know that's that's ridiculous hopefully you're not doing that but it at least needs to be stated out of his mouth that he is sorry for what he did and i'm gonna tell you as a man like that that's growth it takes growth like it's it's hard even for good men a lot of time women don't realize that oh a good man he's gonna have a problem saying that yes a good man will it's just this the male psyche it's the male ego it's the male [Music] conditioning from not being allowed to express ourselves as men we struggle with articulating and verbalizing our remorse our fear our worries our apology because we are raised shut up don't express yourself big boys don't cry suck it up so you kind of apply that to every area of life subconsciously like not even realizing that you're suppressing everything just because you weren't allowed to cry when you scrape your knee on the concrete and got up bleeding and you were told shake it off shake it off you'll be all right and you told that by women and men your mom will say that to you and your dad will say that to you your sister will say it to you your friends will say it to you boys and girls and you're like wow man this thing really hurt i'm leaking blood i need to shed a few tears right now what do you mean suck it up like this thing hurt i need to scream and cry right now i want to pound the pavement a little bit beat on this here ground and get me some tears out but a man suppresses that so when he comes into a relationship he also does things that are stupid at times and then he suppresses that as well and in his head he's saying man man i'm sorry man i'm sorry man i shouldn't did that man i was stupid man but he doesn't allow himself to say it out his mouth so if he has not matured to that place to where he says it out of his mouth then as his woman you have to sit him down and see when you sit him down and you talk to him about this this is when you see what kind of man you have because if he flies off the handle relationship over [Music] if he says i'm not apologizing to you it's like duh you know i know it is what it is you'll never get apology relationship over like as soon as you're able to see the true colors of your man that's what you want to do that's what you want to see y'all got to give your hair some noise raining outside and uh yeah this labor day and i'm laboring i i want to take the day off not answer nothing on my phone not pick up the phone not do no videos but i'm just like my son doing homework my other son doing homework and doing a little training my wife she doing stuff around the house i'm like do i really want to watch tv like this what i love to do like this ain't work like this my purpose so let me get these videos out and yeah this here t-shirt going about your business i'm shooting a lot of videos at the same time and and for right now this season i'm in right now i'm gonna do some little short teaching videos so it's shorter and then if i have a loan come up it'll just be out of nowhere so understand stuff's gonna change it's floyd on my channel because i'm not a robot so i i just go with the flow with the spear what i'm feeling so i want to share this here with you think about that get that in your spirit and uh we'll be in touch talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 22,536

Rating: 4.9708223 out of 5

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Id: fcIJYb9aB5I

Length: 16min 7sec (967 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 06 2021