Crazy Vaccine Misinformation Keeping Americans Unvaccinated

i'm jimmy i'm the host of the show thank you thank you for watching thanks i appreciate it thanks you know um i want to mention something because my day this morning i got off to kind of a strange start this morning i was on the internet i was thinking about buying something and the website i was on before i watched it i had one of those demonstration videos which didn't work by the way but before i was able to watch it it required me to hold down the i don't know the button to prove you're a human it said and i re i felt like saying screw you i have to prove i'm a human you're a website who's in charge here see this is how it goes we're all worried the robots are going to chain us up the truth is when the singularity happens they're not going to enslave us with artificial intelligence they're just going to annoy the hell out of us you know what i'm saying guillermo yeah yeah a little bit yeah thank you um i guess we have bigger problems worrying according to the epa the forecast for climate change is impending doom wildfires are getting bigger heat waves are more frequent oceans are warmer floods are more common jeff bezos is building a vacation home on mars these are all very bad signs for the human race i look at this guy this morning i saw a seagull on fire and the problem with climate change and getting people to take it seriously is that it's a slow-moving emergency it's like there's a freight train coming at us at one mile an hour and we're like oh it's so far away it's going so slow but it's coming and i've not ever been hit by a train but i feel like it would hurt more to get run over by a slow one you know we learned uh more today about that ransomware attack that shut down the colonial oil pipeline which was the reason for the uh run on gasoline you may have read russian hackers demanded five million dollars in ransom money to release the pipeline from their clutches and apparently they got it the colonial pipeline company they said they didn't pay the rent but reportedly they did pay the ransom apparently the hackers they sent him an email and said we took control of your webcam we have a video of you playing with your pipe we know what kind of movies you're watching and so they were like here's the money and so let that be a lesson to all you russian cyber thieves if you mess with america you will get five million dollars but now that the the pipeline is back up running a gas crisis has been averted at least for the time being but we do have a shortage of dipping sauce if you need any more evidence that republicans can't find a good reason to complain about joe biden how about this because of covert related supply problems chick-fil-a is running low on dipping sauce they're now limiting the number of sauce packets to one per customer which led texas's top chick filet hole to tweet joe biden is destroying america that's right he's killing us one zesty buffalo at a time poor ted cruz he's still looking for something to distract us from fleeing to cancun and by the way if you're looking for a president to blame for a dipping sauce shortage this is your guy okay that's the orange one some big news out of the cdc today today cdc is updating our guidance for fully vaccinated people anyone who is fully vaccinated can participate in indoor and outdoor activities large or small without wearing a mask or physical distancing that's very that's great news i mean really now i only have to wear a mask for travel and sex unfortunately there's no way to know who's vaccinated and who isn't and the majority of the population still isn't which means we'll be relying on people who aren't responsible enough to get vaccinated to be responsible enough to wear masks which sounds like a solid plan but desperate times call for desperate measures you know in ohio demand for the vaccine is down and so the governor mike dewine is pulling out all the stops he is launching something called the vaximillion lottery game on may 26th we will announce a winner of a separate drawing for adults adults who have received at least their first dose of the vaccine this announcement will occur each wednesday for five weeks and the winner each wednesday will receive 1 million dollars that's him and a wig doing sign language for himself by the way the winner gets a million dollars every week it just sounds great but you know somebody's going to get vaccinated like 40 times to try to increase their odds starting on may 18th in ohio all vaccinated 12 to 17 year olds will be able to register for a chance to win four-year scholarships that cover tuition room board and books at the ohio state university of their choice which i don't know if i got a scholarship when i was 12 if i won a scholarship that guaranteed me four years of college i'd never study again i'd be like geometry no thanks i'm going to kent state already can you imagine being in a country like india right now where people all around you are dying because they don't have the vaccine we're over here begging and bribing people to get it like we're trying to convince a four-year-old to eat his broccoli nuggets it really is ridiculous but many of those who don't trust the vaccine are worried about fertility issues this is the big thing fertility issues thanks to some not too bright people who for whatever reason come up with these cockamamie misinformation campaigns one of the uh you'll have a miscarriage if you stand next to a vaccinated person crowd is a website called natural news which has been banned from facebook and the source that for this information they're publishing is get ready this north face hoodie wearing chiropractor named dr stephen baker who is very concerned about your health i am not willing to watch somebody who made a poor decision and got the shot stand next to a young female in my office and risk the chance of her becoming infertile it's not happening on my watch he's saying that you can get infected from vaccinated people standing next to you and the chiropractor knows this because something weird is going on in his office all i know is that when i ask the females in my office they are all having not all 80 are having weird female cycles okay let's put how insanely creepy it is that you're going around the office asking your female employees about their cycles aside and let's focus on the numbers here 80 now we did a search we did a google street view for his office this is his office okay they're in a strip mall in idaho next to an allstate insurance how many women could he possibly have working in that office five i bet it's five sounds like science to me when you get the jab you create a situation where your body is literally a spiked protein factory let's talk about the size of a cell you can't see it right if i were to pile up millions of them they'd be like this big well viruses are smaller than cells spike proteins i don't know i don't know are they smaller than nobody knows nobody knows i bet somebody knows in fact on the line we have uh dr melissa mcginnis who is uh of the molecular and biomedical sciences department at the university of maine dr mcginnis thank you for joining us i just can you can answer this question do you know how big spike proteins are yes we do spike proteins are approximately 20 nanometers in size okay so you do know how big they are yes okay we know a great deal about spike proteins great thanks dr mcginnis bye i appreciate it well that's somebody knows what we don't know is if this dr baker who so many people are listening to is really a doctor but fortunately he has a section of his website that is titled am i a real doctor which is always a good sign you know when you get your car fixed then they all have a sign that says am i a real mechanic well anyway he explains here that he's qualified to speak about the vaccines because he studied them for over a hundred hours postgraduate a hundred hour assuming he studied eight to five on weekdays that's two weeks that's enough right i think eric clapton learned to play guitar in two weeks right but dr baker as you can see has a bachelor's degree in exercise science so he's basically a gym teacher you've decided not to get the vaccine because the only teacher at the school who wears a whistle told you not to very well done as of today children aged 12 to 15 are eligible to get the pfizer vaccine which obviously may cause some anxiety because a lot of kids are scared to get shots in general so as a public service we came up we've we i don't know if you can use the word created but we did create a new mascot who i think is gonna put your kids at ease ladies and gentlemen please say hello to maxine the vaccine oh there's [Applause] i was um honestly i was expecting a woman where's maxine maxine died she died yeah she got coveted and died oh my god that's terrible who are you i'm scott scott scott the shot nope just scott okay well scott you know a lot of young people out there might be nervous about getting their pfizer shot so why don't you go ahead and put them at ease and tell them about it i could tell them about it or i could sing them about it yes do that then ladies and gentlemen scott you know to keep your distance scrub your hands up nice and clean now i'm here to teach you something about covid vaccines they use mrna which is say are a okay but i read a facebook that stuff will turn you gay that blog post was right the doctors are nuts bill gates put a microchip up your parent's butt on a second hold on a second now hold on what no that's not scott you can't say that stuff that's disinformation uh it's my opinion you can't tell me what my opinion is jake you know bill gates microchipping your parents up the butt is not an opinion you're right it's a fact uh no what are you hiding kim well show us what's up your butt i am not going to show you there's nothing in there these are lies you're spreading these are dangerous lies that you're spreading these vaccines are very safe and you're scaring kids now can i do the wrap part of my song no i would prefer that you didn't but thank you no i okay i'll say dark lord you say fouchy dark lord punji dark lord fountain like vaccines here's your backseat jeffy all right no thank you that's all right open your eyes dude anyway the letter of the day is cute so get your shots kids that's the moral to the story and one more thing it's thursday night it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not it is this week an unnecessary censorship [Applause] for the first time in over a year people will actually be allowed to each other though it should be done cautiously when kamala harris and her husband the other day were wearing masks they were giving you a preview of your daughter's wedding if i was in classroom i had a few minutes i would pull out my waiting for the bus i can tell you myself that i've fight and i arrived monday morning and so i've already had the pick up my five times no more regulations no more taxes everybody the big and let's see what we can do my first at emilio estevez's birthday party you can have your cake for free and eat it too [Music] [Applause] hi i'm jimmy kimmel and this is the internet i made it myself hit subscribe if you like it

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 1,093,879

Rating: 4.7602129 out of 5

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Pandemic, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social Distancing, Quarantine, Monologue, Hollywood, Live Audience, AI, Guillermo, EPA, Climate Change, Colonial Pipeline, Hackers, Gas Crisis, Chik-Fil-A, Sauces, Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, Fast Food, CDC, Facemask, Vaccine, Ohio, Mike DeWine, Dr Baker, DR Melissa Maginnis, Maxine the Vaccine

Id: R4bNwgOfUb4

Length: 12min 42sec (762 seconds)

Published: Thu May 13 2021