Ivanka & Jared: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

the white house the building inside which Donald Trump and I feel this isn't mentioned enough is regularly naked and just just think about that he might be naked in there right now maybe he just sneezed maybe there's a band-aid somewhere on his person we don't know we just know that he's there and we all have to live with that but while Trump himself is device if there are two White House figures who are widely admired Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump they're like America's William and Kate except in this case both of them are attractive and many many people have praised for them the only adults in the room the moderates the centrist frankly Democrats are Jared and Ivanka you know thank God his kids are or you know their day-to-day their a positive influence on him his best running mate matter way would be Ivanka I don't know that I've met a more composed brilliant beautiful in every way person well that is high praise from senator bob Corker i've never met a more brilliant beautiful person I imagine that went down great with his wife and two daughters happy Father's Day dad did Ivanka send you anything but for liberals the popular assumption is that Jared and Ivanka will be moderating influences basically if Trump is thinking about pressing a button labeled nuke earth they will on behalf of all of us guide his hands towards the button labeled hey maybe don't and they both have official roles now Ivanka has recently taken an unpaid position as assistant to the president and as for Jared well he seems to have a hand in basically everything he's been planning this week's visit of the Chinese president tomorrow logo and he's also tasked with brokering peace in the Middle East the president tapping his son-in-law to reform the criminal justice system not to mention he's running the new office of American innovation where he's responsible for reforming veteran care tackling the opioid epidemic and over seeing the not-so-small feat of revamping the entire federal government holy it is not unusual for powerful men to give their son in laws do-nothing jobs but leave it to Donald Trump who can't even get nepotism right to give his a do everything job so given the power that they seem to hold tonight let's take a look at Jared and Ivanka and let's set aside the question surrounding potential conflicts of interest between their business ties and their positions in the administration instead let's focus on answering just two basic questions is if uncle really the moderating influence that people claim and what in Jared's background justifies such a gigantic white house portfolio and let's start with Ivanka Trump's only daughter except for and yet somehow including Tiffani now if vodka is reassuringly familiar because she's been part of the Trump brand since she was a child she even co-hosted Trump's Miss Teen USA pageant at age 15 featuring this no too noticeably odd moment let's go back thanks Eddie um I can't guarantee my brothers were loving matter and if you're up there single oh yeah why did they have her say that yes Andy my blood relatives are rock hard right now you heard me the men with whom I share parents probably have erect penises at this very moment but but in the public drama of the Trump family Ivanka has been cast as the calm reasonable endure voiced one a dynamic that's perhaps best exemplified by this moment what's the favorite thing you have in common with your father either real estate or golf Donald with your daughter well I was going to say sex but I can't relate what is wrong with you you colossal creep you found the only possible wrong answer to that question what's your favorite color Hitler that clip that clip actually illustrates a lot of what we like about Ivanka she's the exact opposite of her dad he's crazy she's poised and restrained and she is impressively on message at all times just think about how little information she gave you in that exchange she was asked what do you have in common with your dad and she said real estate and golf those are not personal details they are core components of the Trump brand that any stranger would associate with him if you if you asked Huey Dewey and Louie what they had in common with their uncle Donald and they said either feathers or no pants you would think wow the duck family really doesn't spend a lot of quality time together and that ability to apparently say nothing and yet consistently support her dad can actually apply to her political views as well because the assumption that many of us have that she disagrees with him is actually based on much just watch her response to being questioned about what they specifically disagree on my father agrees with me on so many issues and where he doesn't he knows where I stand but it's never situation of something that you disagree with him on and that you think that by speaking up to him it made him change his position or soften his position I think most of the impact I have over time most people will not actually know about oh well that's convenient so we should just give her credit when good stuff happens and then blame others when bad stuff happens that's not a job description of a political adviser that's a description of an Old Testament God and that answer there enables you to project whatever you want onto her based on secondhand rumors and assumptions which is exactly what Gayle King and her co-hosts then did what is it they differ on mid wearing I think she is she is not she is not going to share that information with me anyway she's not sharing that in for me that's between her and her dad but what do you think I think about climate change certainly I think about gay rights I think some of the immigration ban that Parenthood and certainly Planned Parenthood oh yes yes certainly Planned Parenthood as well why not and you know those things all feel true but there is not a lot of evidence you know it's the same way that I assume Johnny Depp's penis also has its own miniature hat and goatee I don't have any concrete evidence that that is actually the case but come on probably and when you look at what the Trump administration has been doing it is hard to see much of Ivanka's influence there take Planned Parenthood which she certainly cares about well last week Donald Trump allowed States to block thumbs to it or or maybe take climate change Ivanka did reportedly bring Al Gore to Trump Tower but unfortunately just three days later Trunk named climate change denier list scott pruett to head the EPA and maybe that is an example of Ivanka's moderating influence maybe Trump's initial choice was a guy strangling a dolphin with a six pack rate although just just out of interest let's look at an issue that Ivanka has been very outspoken about last year at the RNC she brought up family leave and child care and when the Trump campaign released their plan for that she sold it hard we think we've proposed something that's incredibly comprehensive it's very innovative it's a bold and fresh solution there's no policy on Hillary Clinton's website pertaining to any of these issues I'll dare eldercare or maternity leave or paternity leave for that matter except none of that was remotely true first of course Hillary's site had pages on those issues so it seems when it comes to lying about easily observable facts the Apple does not fall far from the orange unless let's take a look though at that comprehensive bold fresh Trump childcare proposal because according to the Tax Policy Center very few of its benefits went to the lowest income families in fact families with incomes between 10 and $30,000 would receive average benefits of just 10 dollars a year and the only daycare that costs $10 is a padlock okay okay mommy's going to work and mrs. master lock is going to keep you in your bedroom for the next eight hours thanks Ivanka you're the best and look look you may still like Ivanka that's fine she can be appealing and that's frankly not by accident she's been trained in the art of Trump branding to be as vague and likable as possible so that everyone can plausibly think that she shares their values whether or not that's actually true and if that sounds like a harsh thing for me to say about her I will point out she's basically shared that message in one of her books perception is more important than reality if someone perceives something to be true it is more important than if it is in fact true this doesn't mean you should be duplicitous or deceitful but don't go out of your way to correct a false assumption if it plays to your advantage she's pretty much telling you to your face not to trust any assumption that you are making about her so it is possible that she's doing nothing to moderate her father and I understand that that there is an impulse not to want to think about that just like you don't want to think about the fact that it it is also possible that in the White House right now her father may be bowling naked maybe he's wearing bowling shoes maybe he's forcing Mike Pence to play alongside it we don't know we just have to deal with the fact that it's possible but that the truth is we may all be thinking that if uncle is doing a lot more than she actually is although the same can emphatically not be said for her husband Jared Kushner the man remember responsible for among other things repairing the Middle East something that his father-in-law is actually pretty confident in I have a feeling that jared is gonna do a great job I have a feeling he's gonna he's gonna do a great job he is so great if you can't produce peace in the Middle East nobody can okay then nobody can Oh Oh or I am wrong and future history books will say and peace was finally brought to the Middle East by a sentient Kohl's mannequin who read a book once but Jarrod actually has even more responsibility he's also reportedly been the primary point of contact for two dozen different countries and if you look at photos of trumps meetings it's like Where's Waldo he's in all of them when Trump met the leaders of Congress there he was at a listening session with business leaders there he was and a meeting on cybersecurity there he was at a meeting with a Saudi prince there's Jerrod Japanese Prime Minister boom it's Jay doc Chinese President visiting you got Kushner in the house discussing the air strikes on Syria where's the cush where's the cush there he is basically Jarrod is either being invited to every important meeting or he died in the White House in the late 1800s and he has been haunting it ever since Jarrod's portfolio would be unmanageable for the smartest man on earth so he's Jared Kushner the smartest man on earth we already know that he's the coolest he can really rock a trill pair of sunnies but but what is going on behind them this guy can be quiet but confident and as it was described to me he is a visionary if you have meetings with Jared Kushner Jared listens he doesn't talk that much he absorbs it I see Jared as like the Alexander Hamilton of the new administration he's super thoughtful if he's a he's a he's a three times listener 0.5% talker stop he's brilliant because he's quiet just because you don't talk does not necessarily mean you're thinking something amazing it can just mean that you're sitting in a meeting staring blankly at people's moving lips thinking about why baby cats aren't called cat ins or whether all goldfish might have peanut allergies but since they don't ever eat peanuts we'll just never know and that whole 0.5% talker thing does point to something genuinely odd about Jared because for someone with the amount of power that he has have you ever heard him speak seriously what does his voice sound like you know do you look it wasn't easy but we did actually manage to find an interview of him talking on TV in 2009 and here it is I know what you're thinking you're thinking hold on you just took that clip and you dumped in Gilbert Godfried but you don't know that for sure listen to it again newspaper the web site and online media businesses you don't know for a fact that that is not his actual voice and that is the real point so in the absence of Jared spoken thoughts we've instead had to rely on second-hand evidence of his brilliance and the first thing many people cite is his education jared is a great young man went to Harvard very smart he went to Harvard Jared is a very easy number one at Harvard guy he's incredibly smart yes but that's not really evidence of anything the Unabomber went to Harvard Ted Cruz went to Harvard and yes plenty of smart people went there too they'll tell you about it but it is worth it is worth noting that officials at Jared's high school were reportedly dismayed he got in because as one put it his GPA did not warrant it his SAT scores did not warrant it so who knows how he pulled that off I'm sure it's absolutely nothing to do with the fact that his father clenched two and a half million dollars to the school shortly before he was admitted and I'm certainly not saying that is a textbook case of paying for admission I'll leave that to the textbook the price of admission in which that story actually appears but the pointed however Jared got in after graduating he took over his father's real estate business after his dad Charlie was sent to prison and I don't have time to get into why let me just say it involves blackmailing his brother-in-law a sex worker and a hidden camera in an alarm clock in a shitbox motel on route 22 called the red bull the red bullet that the whole story I promise is amazing trust me it is worth of Google you're going to need the safe search off but how has Jerrod run the family business well he made a big splash when he bought 666 5th Avenue for a record 1.8 billion dollars in 2007 but that deal has not been a raging success the entire deal was a miscalculation they absolutely paid too much at the time he bought at the very top of the market so then the market turned 10 years later the building is struggling to cover its debt payments okay so cushiness purchase did make a splash but it turned out to be more the kind of splash your phone makes when it falls into the toilet now now that building is obviously not Jared's hold record in business he also owned the New York Observer which even the papers staff found a little odd given that several people described him as an unenthusiastic reader with little use for newspapers let alone books he also recently spearheaded a Brooklyn development called Dumbo Heights and one of his partners praised his involvement there saying he's very uncut 'red in his mind I think that simplicity allows him to filter some things out which could be a compliment or a savage insult and to give you a flavor of what Jared's vision for Dumbo Heights is I'd like you to watch a video that he show to a real estate conference which is the most infuriating combination of meaningless tech nonsense and stock footage of models pretending to conduct business that you will ever see Dumbo Heights a dynamic space mechanically engineered for optimum performance and unrivaled connectivity this campus is the staging ground for the next generation of innovators and creators change is forged on this campus in the fire of great thinkers and visionaries a community built for collaboration when innovation is cultivated the world rises to me don't know it's hard to pick it's hard to pick but I think my favorite phrase in there is actually bragging that the development is mechanically engineered because what are the other options there how many office buildings are naturally occurring or created with a wish on a genies lamp and if you are starting to get concerned that Jared's business record may not qualify him for his current jobs I should point out one other prominent item that is on his resume the 2016 election a few weeks after it was over Forbes ran a cover story titled this guy got trump elected which does sound impressive and it features quotes from Jared like we played Moneyball asking ourselves which states will get the best ROI for the electoral votes which is a sentence that can only be forged in the uncluttered mind of The Wizard of Dumbo Heights but in fairness the article does give some examples of what specific technical expertise Jared may have brought into the operation they used targeting and they found a way to keep people on Facebook and Twitter and they evolved into this 100 person secret data center down in San Antonio and they had data do everything data determined his schedule his rallies even when he spoke about in the rally so then what do you spoke about at the rallies really data determined what Trump spoke about at his rallies look I don't doubt that there were a hundred people in a basement somewhere money balling the ROI but I would love to see the data that recommended this I love these boards look here's a beauty visible I just I love charts I loved and I always said you know it's too tough buddy can screen up you got to get guys cause too much money I don't like to spend money this is a cheap version of a screen okay just as good like you need good strong hands so look you ready so there it is thanks Jared you really mechanically engineered the out of that one you know what Trump did win the election and I wasn't there so who knows maybe Jared is single-handedly responsible for the entire victory but that still doesn't mean he has the specific knowledge to tackle government reform or the Middle East or the opioid epidemic can somebody please reassure me that this is okay Jared is incredibly smart very talented has enormous capacity he is humble in the recognition of what he doesn't know and is tremendously secure in his our ability to to seek informed viewpoints no not you not you I know your game now not you and also to that point that he will seek informed viewpoints that will be harder since there are still hundreds of key jobs across the government the Trump has not yet named nominees for summer agencies central to Jerry's duties including the Department of Transportation the DEA and the va va it is too bad the trunk can't appoint someone to nominate people on his behalf although even then I'm pretty sure that he gave that job to Jerrod Kushner and yet the truth is for many people the main thing qualifying Jared for his positions is not so much who he is but who he isn't as many questions I have about Jared Ivanka and their qualifications their lot more qualified than people like Steve ban and I like everybody would prefer to have them rather than mr. ban and involved in decisions is he James Baker no he's not James Baker the answer's no but is he Steve Danon no he's not Steve Bannon all right that is true Jared Kushner is not Steve Bannon but that is a low bar that recommendation would get you no other job we shouldn't be excited about a top White House adviser simply because he is preferable to a man best described every dark thought humanity has ever had inhabiting the long dead corpse of a civil war-era plantation owner that even his fellow plantation owners called a bit much there has to be a third option here and even some people who know Jared and like him have some serious questions I know Jared Krishna broccoli lived in my building there no lovely young people does this person have any qualifications lovely guy sure level-headed yes he's temperamental II seen versus the present got it having said that what is this guy done in his life ever just listen to what he just said lovely young man seems level-headed what's he done it does not bode well that Jared cushioned his neighbor's describe him like he just got arrested for murdering 11 people and look in the end this isn't even Jared's fault it's the fault of the guy who appointed him because think about it this way imagine anyone other than Donald Trump was president and hold that thought it's nice right in fact in fact in Manton imagine this stock photo guy was in office this guy and he said hey everyone I'm gonna fix the Middle East and opioids and the whole of government in general and I found the perfect person to do it it's this creep Alice creepily silent 36 year old heir to a real estate fortune what does everyone think you would justifiably be upset at that and I know that all of this may seem like an evisceration of both Jared and Ivanka but it is really not I don't know enough about them to eviscerate them just as you don't know enough about them to justify putting any real hopes in them because it is dangerous to think of them as a moderating influence as reassuring as that may feel because believe me and it gives me no pleasure to say this if they are the reason you are sleeping at night you should probably still be awake and if you need help doing that simply remember Donald Trump may currently be airing out his balls Lincoln Bedroom sweet dreams

Channel: LastWeekTonight

Views: 23,293,444

Rating: 4.7362518 out of 5

Keywords: ivanka trump, jared kushner, ivanka, jared, ivanka and jared, john oliver ivanka jared, last week tonight ivanka trump jared kushner, last week tonight ivanka, last week tonight jared, john oliver jared kushner, trump children, john oliver ivanka trump

Id: wD8AwgO0AQI

Length: 22min 27sec (1347 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 23 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/iEatButtHolez]

He just glossed over the 666 building? That was a softball.

[u/Marty_McFrat]

The Dumbo Heights Video looks like something from Silicon Valley or the gentrification episode of South Park.

[u/drakesylvan]

"What do you have in common with your daughter?"

"Sex." - Donald Trump

What the actual fuck?

[u/thenamesalreadytaken]

"Perception is more important than reality. If someone perceives something to be true, it is more important than if it is in fact true"

Fapping makes so much more sense now.

[u/dcaodds]

I need the "where's the Kush" t-shirt with Jared kushner face on it

[u/Coffee10707]

The Gilbert voice made my morning

[u/nicetackle]

Mirror: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hoj_rlWbYw4 For those in the UK and elsewhere who cant use TubeUnblocker in their work.

[u/bobak41]

In my mind, Jared is the prime example of what you can accomplish when you are very, very average but also very, very rich.

Not a complete moron but certainly not exceptional. Just rich....and married to Ivanka.

But, hey, I'd rather have a mediocre mind influencing the president than the insane nonsense of Bannon....

[u/arararagi_vamp]

"Hey, what is your favorite color?" - "Hitler."

John Oliver, 2017