-Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to
"The Tonight Show." You're here. You made it.
[ Cheers and applause ] You're watching at home,
thank you. Hey, just so you guys know,
while you were cheering, three more billionaires
launched themselves into space. So isn't that... Yeah, it was an exciting day, 'cause just after 9:00
this morning, Jeff Bezos flew to space aboard Blue Origin's
New Shepherd rocket. If you didn't see the launch,
here it is. -Go, Jeff. Go, Mark.
Go, Wally. Go, Oliver. You are going to space. -Yeah. First Branson, now Bezos. Tomorrow, Warren Buffett is
gonna try to get up there with balloons like the old guy
from "Up." That's right --
Bezos was launched into space, which is the natural career
progression for anyone who starts an online bookstore. Before his trip
to space, Bezos said, "I'm just really
excited to figure out how it's going to change me." Well, here he is
before the flight. And this is real. Here he is after he landed. -Oh! -That's not real. -I guess space turns you
into Kenny Chesney. I don't know what... That's right -- Bezos actually
wore a cowboy hat for today's flight. Can we see it again? You know you're rich when
you put that on and everyone who works for you
goes, "Oh, it looks great. Yeah. You're a man of the people,
just going to space. Let me see it again one more... He looks like a mash-up between
Buzz Lightyear and Woody. [ Applause ]
Two for one. Yeah, he got the space suit
and the cowboy hat together by searching for
the mid-life crisis bundle. "Is a soul patch too much?" But Bezos wasn't alone. He was joined by three
other people in the capsule. Here's everyone together. Yep, the first space crew to get their portrait done at Walmart. They look like they're about
to do the 2:45 show at the main pool at SeaWorld. -[ Barks ]
-Can I see it again? Let me see -- There you go. It looks like a portrait of
Mr. Clean's family. The crew included 82-year-old
pilot Wally Funk, who became the oldest
astronaut in history. And at one point,
you could sort of tell. Listen to this. This is real. [ Laughter, applause ] Then she almost pushed
the launch button. They're like, "No, Wally, no!
Don't..." Feel like every Zoom
with grandma. It's like, "Just push 'unmute.'
Push -- No, that's your camera. Don't -- Just call grandma." Well, a lot of people
were talking about the shape of the rocket. Can we see a photo of it? It kind of looks like --
Well, I mean, why would you design it
like that? I just -- Anyway, let's just put
30 seconds on the clock and see how many jokes
we can do here. You want to get in on
this, Tariq? -Oh, you know it.
-Alright, here we go. It's the only rocket that
shrinks in the cold. -They designed it at
the Johnson Space Center. -It looks like R2-D2
took some Viagra. -They don't keep it in a hangar. They keep it in the top drawer
of a bedside table. -Right after the launch,
the rocket goes into sleep mode. -I'm surprised news channels
didn't have to blur that. -Next stop, the "O"-zone. -It's not that hard
to get to space. -Well, it took a long time
to erect it. -Guys, I got one. -It looks like someone undid
their asteroid belt. -I got one. I got one.
-What? -It looks like male genitalia. [ Ding ]
-Oh. [ Cheers and applause ] Wow. -Alright, changing gears. Hey, this is fun. I saw that Disney just unveiled
the first look at Joe Biden's robot at
the Hall of Presidents. -Ooh!
-Check this out. -Oh. -They can't seem to
master these, yeah? He looks like
he opened the fridge and can't decide what to eat. "Activia.
Prunes. I don't know." It's not great, but can we
take a look at Trump's? Well, alright,
maybe Biden's isn't so bad. Finally, on last night's episode
of "The Bachelorette," there was a pretty interesting
scene between Katie and Mike P. We love "The Bachelorette"
here on the show. But those scenes
can get pretty emotional. So I thought that we could help. Here's a clip from
the episode re-voiced with the least-emotional person
we know -- Siri. This is "Let's Get Siri-ous." [ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪ -[ Whispering ]
"Let's Get Siri-ous." ♪♪ -"She is a nurturer,
and, man, do I love nurturers. She reminds me of my mom. Your legs are soft." "Oh, well, thank you. Ha ha." My mom brings a
nurturing touch to everything and every situation
that she comes in contact with. Katie does the same thing." You remind me of my mom." "Really?"
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His stylist hates him 🤣🤣🤣
I actually thought it was a homage to NASA’s past.
“It needs to be shaped like a big penis! Don’t come back until it is!”
Jeff Bezos, the cock rocket bandit
Brokeback ASStronaut
Big miss on saying he looks like buzz lightyear mixed with woody, and not mentioning the rocket looking like a buzz lightyear themed woody.
This is the way
Insert its a penis meme