Cops, Who Is The Dumbest Criminal Ever? (r/AskReddit)

cops offered it what is the most stupid criminal you have ever met not a cop but I've got a story I already posted it to a stories about Kevin so if you've seen it before that's where a little over a month ago my apartment was broken into whilst my boyfriend was still inside he works nights o at midday he's still fast asleep and didn't notice this guy come in and rummage around until he throws the bedroom door open panics at seeing my bf and runs off my bf looks around the apartment and find that the laptops tablets et Cie are still there and he must have run off before getting to all that with a handful of smaller valuables such as USBs keys wallets were gone he also did a fair amount of damage rummaging around and spray-painting our walls also a tower abyss ckets what was there however were the idiots bags he'd left his school rucksack containing some schoolwork some of our positions hid some years old school papers with his parents phone numbers on it etc so already he's an idiot we know at least the police are having a laugh with us a little later about it and as one of them takes my bf statement we hear a knock at the door I go to answer it as a friend said he was coming over anyway and I find the same guy from the it outside my door he looks at me then at the police officer behind me still holding four bags and asks can I have my bags back please after a stunt moment he is grabbed by the police officer and my bf confirms that this is the guy he's arrested on the spot the police said it was the dumbest thing they'd ever seen like something out of a sitcom it made local news that is brilliant so I get a call off a beer run sharp lifting from the local CVS I check the area and see two guys matching the description I detain them and sure enough they had a couple Coronas and some off-brand whiskey I confirm with CVS they were the suspects the alcohol was their property and they are desirous of prosecution all is good my state requires I take them to the station to book into jail and get fingerprinted then they are issued a citation and released with a court date a couple months out driving to the station I asked what they were doing stealing the alcohol one guy says that they are only 20 and since they weren't old enough to buy it they just decided to steal it instead no big deal young people make stupid mistakes I get to the jail booked them in and start filling out the citation the citation requires both birth date and age I do the math on the birthday and sure enough the guy is 21 meaning he is old enough to buy alcohol I go back into the jail and verify his birthday yup same one he had listed on his driver's license i raid to the math outloud 21 years old i asked how old are you again he replies 20 sir i said you turned 21 last month again he is adamant now i turned 20 i just left it at that TLDR guy stole beer because he forgot his agent thought he wasn't old enough to buy it went to jail because of it which would make me 20 because everyone is ten for two years because fifth grade is really hard for every one a friend of mine got his phone stolen one time so he called to his own phone number and the burglar answered the phone he then told the burglar that he was willing to pay to get he phoned back in the robber agreed so they decided to meet at some random place to do the exchange and obviously my friend brought the police with him so they caught the robber with the phone and a Pikachu face sorry for my English me no native not a cop that I used to work at a smoke shop three guys broke in through a large window left blood everywhere just trying to get in I walked right past the high-end fancy expensive glass and proceeded to grab as many cheap Chinese bongs as possible they went back through the window breaking two or three bongs in the process of crawling through the tiny hole they made probably cutting themselves even more than they already haven't hightailed it across the street they seemed to have dropped dang near everything while running because there was literally a trail of broken glass leading to the apartment across the street cops came followed the glass trail leading directly to someone's door looked over the little fence to their bottom floor balcony and saw three guys all cut up smoking from a broken bong we estimated they took eight or nine bongs there were smoking from the only survivor they turned out to be regulars never see men again after that that stupidity is frickin astounding not a cop but work Corrections as a company had a new inmate asked me if I could bring some drugs in for him laughed in his face thinking he was joking he wasn't and had to inform him that just asking that question to a staff member could land him in the hole he didn't see what the big deal was he tells me he always asks the staff at every Jail he lands in I just shook my head and thanked him for the job security which made two other inmates standing close by burst out laughing the fact that two other inmates laugh makes this story even better for some reason there was the kid who sold drugs on my floor of the college dorm who wasn't the brightest one night he was driving back to the dorm and a police car comes behind him and turns on their lights his dumb boss stored all of his drugs in his car and assumed they were pulling him over for possession he proceeds to drive through a red light and pull into the dorm parking lot to hide mind you his car was covered in bumper stickers had a kayak rack and a vanity plates to top it all off the parking lot only had one entrance and exit two apparently he thought the police car wouldn't go through a red lights to follow him long story short they were just going to warn him for having a taillight out and nothing more instead he ended up in the local jail and expelled from the college the funniest part is that his ledger of all transactions and the dollar amounts products and buyers was also right there in his car he was one stupid criminal never overreact to police presence número you know someone needs to do a remix two Biggie's ten crack common dance we had an inmate's that would constantly call crime stoppers on his contraband cell phone and try to get them to give him the reward if he confessed to his crimes he did this several times a month he's just trying to work both ends of that deal nothing wrong there not a cockle criminal but we had a guy break into my high school with his buddy and smash a bunch of soda machines we had cameras all over the school but these guys were smart they said now we're gonna cover up our faces so they don't know who did it and then wore letterman jackets with their names on the back my friend's sister and a few of her friends thought it would be funny to steal alcohol from a liquor store when they were in high school her sister wore her letterman jacket inside her mom was mad not a cop myself but about ten years ago I got held up and robbed by a group of three guys with knives all they wanted was the money in my wallet so me being the smart guy not wanting to mess with knives just obliged at the end of the ordeal he put the knife to my throat and said if you ever tell the cops my name is redacted I will slice your throat right now so I went home called the cops tell them where it happened and gave them the name they guy told me the name instantly rung a bell with them since the guy had come into contact with the police in the past cops went to the spot where I was robbed and they were laying in ambush for a new guy to appear they could instantly identify the guy he was arrested and that's about it happened in the Netherlands don't know his sentence or anything I'm a nine one one dispatcher in Florida sometimes confused or drunk people knock on the wrong door or try to get into a house thinking it's theirs but it isn't it's an honest mistake but the homeowner is rightfully very afraid thinking they are about to be robbed the worse well I had this kid must have been in his early 20s and clearly stoned call me going absolutely crazy that someone is trying to kill him and take his property and rape his girlfriend blah blah blah I send units code three to this guy thinking it's a burglary in progress turns out the guy ordered a pizza and forgot about it scared the delivery guy half to death yay man to be honest some people's brains react freakin vertically to weed unless it wasn't weed old roommate was as a cop he came home to tell me an ATM was robbed after hours for fifteen thousand two hundred and forty dollars the neck day the man who robbed the ATM deposited fifteen thousand two hundred and forty dollars into his personal account at the bank he robbed the night prior that is interesting because the bank would have had to file a currency transaction report for that large of a cash transaction and he likely had to make up a stupid reason for having that much cash probably didn't expect that went to a job of two males attempting to break into a car Job Description said they had been at it for at least an hour got there and the car was theirs they had apparently locked themselves out checks confirmed it did belong to one of the persons mum on their person was stolen mail and heaps off phones and new stuff in boxes in the car so they got arrested for theft anyway ended up that the driver's door they had been trying to break into was the only locked door out of the four it was unlocked everywhere else the whole time they were there stolen mail hello every day I see a big black SUV with Sheriff written on the side parked in the driveway across the street I don't know if the guy is the sheriff or works for the sheriff but one night I wake up to a dozen sirens outside turns out some idiot tried breaking into Sheriff dudes house while he was home and his vehicle was right freakin there there must be some good stuff in that house I bet no one's tried to break into that house before because a sheriff's truck is parked outside and no one's as smart as me to realize that the sheriff lives at the police station and this is a trick to stop less smart people from breaking in so I'm sitting in the station doing paperwork I'm looking out of the window and a few yards away as a bus stopped a young lad is smashing the glass of the bus stop as a way of showing off to a couple of girls so I sigh walk about twenty yards over to him and arrest him another time a lad had just broken into a pharmacy and stolen some drugs sleeping tablets which he started taking maybe to hide the evidence who knows how these people's minds work there's a foot chase which gets slower and slower and slower I ended up just walking slowly behind him the guy fell asleep while I was booking him in beginning of chase Benny Hill theme as the chase progresses Benny Hill theme but gradually getting slow we're took a vehicle burglary report where the victim found a driver's license sitting on her driver's seat that the suspect must have left behind seems damning but if he had any criminal smarts he would just say his license was stolen and the thief must have dropped it while breaking into this new victim's vehicle without any other evidence the case would have gone nowhere the next day I take a report at a church that was a couple of blocks away from the vehicle burglary this guy stole the video cameras from the building he must have thought the footage came with the camera because when we checked the video there was a high-def close-up of the suspects face as he removed the camera good evidence sure but I still didn't know who the guy was until I looked at the license I collected the day prior and saw was the same exact guy some jackass that robbed my grandmother's house did the same thing he stole the front door camera we have video of him doing it my father is a police officer he once told me a story of a call he went to for reports of a man and woman fighting in an apartment Cole came from neighbors for noise complaints concern he was third shift so this was at some point very late at night when all the crazy people are up and at em when he arrived he could hear the yelling through the door he knocked and let them know it was the police so there was immediate silence and a man answered the door completely naked the naked man didn't even give my dad a chance to speak or ask questions the first thing he said was I don't have a knife behind my back well he definitely did have a knife behind his back and the naked woman he was with had drugs which was what they were fighting over they both got arrested that night tip don't do illegal drugs and if you do don't answer the door for the cops not a cop but worked at a 7-eleven in a rough part of Chicago had two guys come in and ask for two bottles of Grey Goose I asked for their IDs they handed them over and I grabbed the two bottles from behind the counter to ring them up they proceeded to grab the bottles and booked it out of there leaving their IDs on the counter I called the police they came in asking for a description of the thieves and I handed them the IDs cops were in disbelief at the stupidity left and went to the address on one of the IDs that was about two blocks away about 15 minutes later they walked in with the two guys and bottles of great use poor guys didn't even have a chance to open them I confirmed it was them didn't press charges took the bottles of Grey Goose back and went on with my overnight shift not me but my buddy is a cop and told me about this one kid in particular he dealt with for years but no cleverness to him numerous times he walked into his neighbor's garage in broad daylight and just stole his bike constantly stole from stores in Plainview even the occasional minor assault or burglary he always got caught like had never gotten away with any of his hundreds of crimes but because he was a minor there were never any real repercussions a few days before he turned 18 my friend and another officer went to his house to basically remind him that if he does anything after that he will face real punishment as an adult and he'll get zero breaks like a last ditch effort to be helpful two days after his 18th birthday he's caught committing an armed robbery pretty sure he's doing a few decades behind bars something isn't clicking in his head my dad is a cop and he was interrogating a robber which was denying he had any involvement since the start dad the man told us that you robbed him of $500 robber no it was only $300 he basically gave himself away can't go into too much detail good kid 14 short another kid 15 in the leg after a fight in their apartment complex the victim is able to describe the gun the shooter used in detail we get get shooters name from another kid who knows him from school my partner looks up his Instagram and will you believe it there he is posing with a gun described to this exactly at social media is a treasure trove of wannabe gangsters incriminating themselves let's be honest if people knew how to not brag about the illegal crap they do arrest rates would be cut in half not sure if this counts since I'm not a cop but I am a nurse in a very busy emergency room in a large city we had a guy come in police custody for multiple reasons one being that he was combative and very high a long story short we found various drugs up his butt his response those aren't mine officer I borrowed this rectal cavity and respectfully it's on you to prove the rightful legal owner isn't me teen gets fired from Red Lobster returns to rob same restaurant at night they refused to give him money from register so he grabs charity coin box must get a dystrophy or similar and then he leaves on bicycle I go to find him and see coins scattered about followed trail off Seine which leads me to him hiding in bushes at a church bicycle was leaning up against the bush he was in well golly I sure can't find Jimmy anywhere I guess I'll just take this bike I went to a domestic violence call where the woman claimed her husband hits her when I asked her how it happened she told me he couldn't provide the kind of life she wanted him to give her but she stated since he had a heart attack and got lupus he wasn't working so she decided she should start inviting some friends over to have physical intimacy with her for money mind you she's telling me a fully uniformed officer all of this she says he should act as the person who handles the money for her batters her pimp she then calls someone to come over and tells her husband's it's after she gets paid for the physical intimacy he should hold the guy at knifepoint and take the rest of his money she said he refused to help her with this so they got into an arc and he pushed past her to get out of the apartment she claimed that was the assault he called me for I asked her if she understood she just admitted to planning a felony crime she looked shocked that planning a prostitution and robbery was wrong at all and did not get why I wasn't arresting her husband for trying to remove himself from her stupid plan to get them both arrested she looked shocked that planning a prostitution and robbery was wrong at all I worked for a road surveying company years ago there was one area that we were covering that was well known for criminal activity there were signs posted that literally said warning drug dealing and prostitution are illegal at every intersection from the local newspaper two young men in a pickup truck on a back road stopped a courting Amish couple in a buggy and told the couple to give them all of their money spoiler the Amish don't generally have money they do have good memories though and told the cops the license plate number the inept criminals were locals too and should have known better than to try and rob the Amish if you rob the Amish brother Ezekiel will cram you into the butter churner and annihilate you my mom's cousin was a bank robber the time he got caught he went into a bank scope the place out left to go back to his bike this MF robbed banks on a freaking bike he put the mask on robbed the bank the police see the tape see that bank robber was wearing same exact clothes as guy who left less than a minute before and that was that note to self police won't catch me if I change clothes first my ex stole a car and went to pick up his friend at the police station in the stolen car he parked right in front of a cop the cop ran the plates and escorted him into the building next day he was on the news as the most stupid criminal in town should have hit the pay and spray first as a teacher remember asking a student who was looking a bit out of it what was our sleep early she replies didn't get much sleep I asked her if everything fine as you'd normally do yet it's okay my uncle got arrested last night though low socioeconomic area so it's not as I knew as you'd think anyway she tells the story uncle so stupid he and his may thought it would be a good idea to steal a local ATM he has his maid smashed through the windows put chains around it and dragged it out with their big truck they decided it worked well so they ended up dragging all the way home she gives a half-smile fingers cops found their music just followed the marks on the road all the way to the front door so yeah worthy I feel quick edits to say I'm Australian gotten tired so excuse language can't think this would have been 2008 or 2009 - that actually scares me it was so long ago similar thing happened in college some guys chopped down a pine tree from the core to use as a Christmas tree security found them by following the very obvious path they carved through the snow as their would-be Lumberjacks dragged it back to their dorm room if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now [Music]

Channel: Internet Is Fun

Views: 33,787

Rating: 4.8813057 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, emkay, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, askreddit school, r/askreddit how to, cops of reddit, police stories, cop stories, stupid criminals, stupid

Id: NiiR98qj-DE

Length: 20min 42sec (1242 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 24 2020