Clips You’ve NEVER SEEN Before From The Graham Norton Show | Part Nine

when you're in an ad do you voice an opinion on the ad or do you just do oh you do always do they welcome that opinion no no but i mean i know better than they do that is the truth yes and i'm experienced and i need to help them sometimes grammar is often bad she really doesn't want to listen to myself i do we'll get notes we'll get notes later because miriam you were the voice of a period weren't you a menstrual period sorry my mistake and as an actress how did you find that voice well you always go to the text first yes and the text was you didn't expect to find me on your holidays so i thought well that's got to be a naughty school girl so i i went um you didn't expect to find me on your holidays did you [Music] beautiful what were you selling standards it was um it was for a sanitary protection yeah sanitary protection yeah sales went up by imagine yes i i have actually got a menstrual story for you if you like off you go mary margulis did i tell you last time about when i did an audition for crossroads no i didn't think so well for those of you who may remember crossroads was a a soap opera yeah which took place in birmingham and i went for the uh for the audition and um i'm pouring this all over myself it's rather exciting and as i was waiting for my turn to to do to do the audition my period started and i thought period period don't you call it no i just said i'm on the rag [Applause] yes how are you doing dominick you're doing that yeah all good there yeah okay pretty comfortable so meanwhile back in birmingham miriam just had her period so i went i went to the ladies room and in those days there was a long box on the wall dr southall sanitary towels and you put in two two pennies and pulled the little drawer and got out the carton am i right you remember all this summer and um people applauding oh yes so i put in my two p pulled out the little drawer and it snapped back with my finger in it so it was really painful it tore great gash in my finger which was ex so sore bleeding all over the place i managed to pull open the draw and extract my finger i rushed into the loo and fixed myself up came out again and went in and started to read for the audition and i noticed the script was covered in blood and the people i was auditioning for noticed it too and they looked and i i saw them looking and i said oh i i'm so sorry you see my period did you get the job i did it you got the job yay now this is 31st studio album something like that no wow and what's great is listening to these songs it's you and bernie taupin sort of at the top of your game well it's the most piano orientated record i've ever made and it's a very simple album and i don't really see the point of making a record if you don't try and make it better um i've been making records since 1969 and i made a lot of records um and this one is one of my favorites um because i think we've come a step further i'm singing better i'm playing better it's a very relaxed album and so i'm very happy with it and you know i'm sure judy would say that she goes into every part hoping to make a better performance than the last one there's no point in carrying on otherwise um just for the sake of it i mean they want record company who are here tonight [ __ ] [Applause] i don't mean that they're a very good wreck on it but you know it's been successful they wanted me to make christmas albums and you know cover albums motown records but that is so silly you know i'll leave that to rod stewart and people did i say that okay yes have you said that his album's doing much better than mine [ __ ] the ministry of defense this and this is this is down to you because obviously you have a particular fan base the ministry of defense they've released the latest bunch of x-files featuring a various sightings by members of the public so they heard uh you were on the show uh they were very keen to help so uh how did the ministry of defense here what department of military defense goes you'll never guess is on norton oh you rang themselves they did they didn't hear them they've got their newly released ufo files but uh presumably they just wanted people to be aware of some of these people and now some of this is very very frightening i'll warn you now now a plymouth woman reported a sighting that occurred when she went downstairs in the night to refill the hot water bottles as you do do you though you fill them you're warm you go to sleep you wake up they're cold but now you're warm in bed you kick them out you don't refill them problem is that hot water bottles just aren't as good as they were great i mean you know i blame the moon landings they've got that all the search money into the wrong place that's what's happening with plymouth just being pilloried by you because of the moon landing anyway thank god he's here the the report said report said she saw a brownie orange object over her house now she also drew a picture are you ready here's the picture [Laughter] you think a brown object heading towards the house that's just the kids from the estate throwing [ __ ] at her window it's the mad woman refilling the bottles doesn't make you think when you look at this why are these objects always seen by people who can't draw here's our ufo as spotted near a bread solar hill top in darby that's just somebody's pants isn't it but my favorite alien one is this one cited in west london alien half banana but now this is extraordinary this is a letter from these top secret files now um where is it now i can show you that's the the actual writing of the letter but uh this letter we don't have any names to these people right so uh dear sirs your first reaction to this letter will be one of full disbelief however let me assure you i am neither insane or as charlatan as the facts will prove and if you've got to put that in the first line of a letter chances are you're insane and a charlotte there you go now it starts off when it's sort of mad but sane enough during world war ii as i'm sure you're aware a crashed ufo was recovered by the military somewhere in this country i should like to know the exact date and location of this event fair enough okay you know i don't know this stuff maybe a ufo landed that you know everybody knows about but she doesn't she wants to know where it landed it is possible this was [ __ ] lock warren uh right this that's okay [ __ ] lock warren uh the location of which as yet unable to discover there are several options uh whistman's wood by west start devon between garrow point and blackstone point devon the norfolk coast or wenlock edge in fact the name [ __ ] luck warren could be quite wrong it just came into my mind one morning from whence i know not so it's like you know you're going to be your tom tom for a long time with just names you've made up i want to go to [ __ ] luck warren now the thing is why does she want to know well here we know that the crash vehicle contained two males from spectra a planet orbiting the star zeta to kane and a female from one of the two inhabited planets in the serious system aragon the planet warrior woman you think how does she know so much about it the female was me so i have a right to ask my question i i will now acquaint you with some of my story in brief i am aware of purple a top rank in the military some years ago our president astra asked me to come to work to check out what was going on i was very familiar with earth you live here but in fairness she does do quite a good drawing of all the people now we don't know her name obviously this is a picture she she uh she drew of herself jillian you you didn't send this letter did you because this woman looks spookily like you i think and the person sitting next to me is yes i'm sure in my baby grow how long have you been married for oh uh yeah exactly how long exact dates please you're supposed to be the poster child for marriage how do you get married [Music] december 23 1961 so we'll be 47 years in december it really does [Applause] he just keeps telling himself it's only a movie now she's my trophy wife and you keep her on the shelf i know [Music] she keeps me honest seriously and she's she's always been more mature and brighter than me and so i've been smart enough to listen to her how do you keep the romance going well it just you know you get older you know you've changed your idea of romance changes you don't bother that's what you're saying no no i'm delighted to say we bother but uh the ideal kind of uh way to go into a marriage is that you'll promise that person that you will help them become themselves at all costs so you will tell them the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth all the time and most of the time you'll be the only person that will and there's another level to it as well people talk about happiness in this so oh i'm happy as larry or he makes me happy she made this but they rarely talk about joy and that's the thing that transcends the whole relationship is the element of joy and and realizing the with gratitude and praise the other person has allowed you to experience joy safe to say that's the most profound thing anyone's ever said on this show [Applause] i'm still a bit stuck on that be completely honest with them at all times i'm still i'm still like stuck on that rapid while you've sailed on down the river i don't think this is gonna work you

Channel: The Graham Norton Show

Views: 1,093,266

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Id: 1LdpQcY1KVs

Length: 13min 27sec (807 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 01 2020