Graham Norton's red chair

but not quite division time our audience to brave the dreaded red chair as you play that's all we've got time for it is this is how it works right rules simple someone sits in the chair someone sits in the chair and tells us an anecdote that they enjoy telling they think might interest or entertainers and if they start to bore us and we pull this lever and you'll see what happens okay so first up please I think I grab hello hi what's your name my name is ruin rude yes okay ruined take it away well I was on a holiday to Israel where I got on a bus trip to go visit some family and about after four hours I yeah the story needs to get going faster you got next hello hi what's your name every to Rachael lovely and what do you do I'm a dancer are you indeed good well go to the backflip what starting story off you go hey well my boyfriend's could boy his nicknames Dicky danger and we went to a real charity event and he had to auction off some vegetables and in the end the money was rubbish so they decided to ask him to like to offer him money to take his clothes off in the end II was ended up with his socks and a cucumber where is man Gordon was hello Tracy off you go the lighters with your story Tracy so one day I was running very late I didn't have time to put my underwear on oh by the - off Oh one more one more one more one more no go away okay rock'n'roll Lars listen you can relax for a moment because it's time to use more synthetic stories in that's all we've got time for okay that work it's from chat Idol that's the idea people get on the red chair they tell us there are most interesting anecdotes if they should bores at all I have this lever to remove them from such chairs real life everyone should have one we'll get you that what else am I giving you I've given you the gift of gonna fucking a cigarette so you don't she doesn't smoke she doesn't okay who's up first my gram on David yes I was on the tube a couple of months ago I was on the tube two months ago start with when I last killed people we'll learn how to do this I will learn how to do this who's up next oh hello hi I'm Helen who's next oh I can't tip you do they not want to go and sit the chair didn't come on your proxy typical you be gypped yes all right well where is the chair if we run for it oh okay okay we your what's your name Yvonne Yvonne I'm saving you from well actually I'm saving us from a lawsuit but I'm pretending to care you do stand up you stand up and Robert be in the chair it's Roberts sake okay hello you sit in the chair okay okay right there you go dumped it on his lap now all right tell us your story Vaughn well I want you to know the job to make ends meet so I thought I'll go for a part-time job solar rental and we got trying to riveting stories as we play that's all we've got time for and there thank you very much by the way to everyone who's been writing in to ask us take part it's a sort of gong show for chat you tell us your most interesting anecdote and if we get bored then I pull this lever do you see you following it yeah nearly over this is the others the last bit I'm bloody cold I know they're frozen get it right no one else's eat something now I'm boiling there is your last week last week I was complaining I was competing because people weren't starting your anecdotes properly you've got to grab the attention in each other yes right okay so who's up first hello hi what's your name fun fern yes hi fern hi there bird off you go right went to the Universal Studios in America absolute and had a fabulous time there but I said a friend to mine look my feet killing me I've got to go and sit somewhere she said look go and find somewhere we'll go on a trip I said right so I went down this side street and I got to sit down suddenly I sees this incredible green man coming towards me with these green funny pants on in a big bulge at the front and when I started him I thought oh my god it's the Incredible Hulk god I couldn't believe that he was pretty ugly with a big nose and coming a credible experience when it was the best thing I've ever done in my life okay now I think his stories must begin well also end well right just yeah don't go one off okay next shoes up next shoes up next rows up next hello hello it is so tempting no what's your name sir I'm Frederick Frederick okay are you a real person who knows okay Oh Ethel we want a big star Big Finish off you go Frederick I was trapped in a live Truman Show yes this spring I was studying in China and at university one day they had a meeting and told us we are going to make a documentary about the students and students life and such thing so and me and my friends like oh cool you're going to have a memory about a movie about our days in China eyes is really awesome hey sweet though sweet yeah even sweet did you meet him when you were a nurse no a dated pic with quick wish comes right hello hello hi what's your name Rachel Rachel off you go Rachel right I am the world's biggest Paul McCartney fan and when I was 18 years old if I'd be a really good idea to change my surname to McCartney by deed very quickly before we say goodnight let's hear some more riveting stories as we play that's all we've got time for the drill of this committee chair they tell us the most riveting anecdote and if we get bored we pull this deep like if you want to you're there feel free at any moment to pull it so who's in the chair first who've we got hello it's a tough crowd love good luck what's your name Zoe Zoe Zoe oh sorry I just dropped down oppa I'm Michael bublé's album Zoe so the idea of story says grab our attention and then and a nice big finish all right yeah yeah okay okay so my in-laws will come see your show tonight so I have to put them somewhere to stay so I found a B&B around corn where I live but you can only use their the salaries of Christmas no she used the phrase in-laws and bed-and-breakfast no good story contains those who's in the chair next hello I'm Jenny sorry Jenny Jenny off you go Jenny I I got attacked by Tita Oh excellent you hear that we'll attacked by a cheetah cheetah Lucy's story Isabella Rossellini is very interested is that the end of the story oh I was on my gap year in Africa and I was working on the farm in the midea can I say Jenny I think maybe we've heard the best bit of this story now oh wait there's more so you what what I punched it in the face you punch it in the face Wow animal lovers we've not in that way one more one more one more one more this could be the one this could be this could be the story that gets all the way to did find you the cheetah lady sort of got the edition yeah she did it was just quite a short story oh hello hi what you could fly when this chair goes back you lost weight or planning to gain it so no forecast office she's a whore sleeves in this family are still wearing it you look pretty Andie's Emma M I never knew that okay Emma you look lovely okay Emma yes story off okay it was a double Electress holiday in the Alps skiing with my friends who are in the audience at the moment and it involved me at trying to catch up with the ski team drinking and unsuccessfully because I ended up passed out standing up for asleep my head in the sink naked she's watching keywords keyword and my friend put me to bed that's fine he went out pull the girl decided he wanted the bed thought I was in so got me and threw me out of bed in the morning I woke up going where the hell am i different bed before we say goodnight we're just gonna hear small riveting stories as we play that's all we've got time for you know the drill basically you tell us your most interesting anecdote and if we get bored we pull this lever following this I got it yeah okay first hi I'm Fatima Fatima yeah okay um I've actually been running I'm not really proud of it but I've been run over five times now kind of say Fatima an excellent opening my car one was my car one was by bicycle a motorcycle a bus and sort of fair was it was it the same person driving each time cuz that's attempted murder Lawson was an energy-efficient moped yeah geez and now a red chair yeah that's great it's good I leveled in my house okay hello oh hello hi it almost want to pull it now nor see reasons hmm what's your name nice lady my name is Elaine Elaine I'm loving you Elaine all right you okay off you go okay um I started a job when I was younger for a huge huge electrical company and I had to do some agendas for meeting in front of the management director and all the other directors and I went off handed it all out to the directors sat down in a meeting to take the minutes look down at the agenda and realize that the word account I'd actually miss the Oh out of the word wit vanilla soror account all say goodnight it is that time again the collapsing chair awaits so we're listening up we're listening up imagine these people are pitching their memoirs dear memoirs this is a taste regard of their fascinating life yeah yeah would we buy the book right who's up first hello Graham hello I'm frightened by this man juice man no do you see you though do you know dawn I know Dom French 47 people he kissed did you look in the south come hotel that is the Duke of Cornwall yeah I know him as the Duke of Cornwall but anyway yes what story you going to tell okay Graham this story is about the gorgeous dawn French I worked on the show with dawn three years ago called smaller with Dawn and Alison Moyet I was one of the stage managers during the first part of the show dawn had to take her bra off under her jumper during rehearsals we had bras made for Miss French and when they arrived at the rehearsal room myself and the other stage manager unpacked them and thought maybe we should try them on Justine we did but not in the usual way we put our heads in each Cup oh that heads xx yeah see what road go one more one more we're hoping for a good one Go Go Go Go Go come on quick quick quick we've got to go soon hello what's your name Alison Alison yeah off you go out um I was in Cork this summer I was at a Rod Stewart concert Oh we're both in the store she's in Cork I'm from Cork in Ireland and you were giving a concert I was brilliant quite a listen here yes I'm fun yeah we write down the front I was right down the front that's what I said you see I was wearing a cowboy hat remember G well we'd like a destiny yeah I had onstage rod put it on and he wore it and for the rest of that concert he then took it with him and he wore it for every other concert that he did for the rest of that tour ok watching it on YouTube everywhere it went all over the world yeah that's right I did you did yeah yeah seriously cowboy I look pretty good in it so I kept it thanks darlin thank you very much Alison it's artists aureus you want it back tell her I've still got it it's in the wardrobe you know to a case and I'm not giving it back it is time for some more stories for the collapsing chair you the viewers tell us your most interesting anecdote and if we get bored we pull this lever can I just say to anyone who's give you can hear me if you're about to go in the red chair quite a tough crowd for a couch of judgment right there it does looks like we're waiting to board a very kind of heady plane who's our first hello hello what's your name Barbara all right barb Rupp okay now you understand what happens if the story gets boring yes I don't okay fine you've signed forms yes okay fine that's the main thing what what's gonna happen you'll see sorry story boss really I'm a huge fan of Caesars and I'm trying to become the Dignam Dog Whisperer emulating his procedures I bought a fold-up bike to run the dog like he's did but he folded up while I was riding it tweet about it hello hi what's your name so there Shola yes ok Shola it's a tough crowd Barbara and her collapsing bike didn't do it challenge is yours oh my god well when I was younger my family managed to convince me that I was a member of the English royal family more oh one more here we go hello hi creo you're not confident about your story are you cause do you like your hat we're holding on to the handle to that tear I'm going to be gone in a second all right so did I hear your name it's fethullah but do light you know I didn't remember that overhearing that vu doula okay for doula off you go so it's a Saturday night me and my boyfriend at home having few drinks bit of a loose end and he says let's go into a lap-dancing bar and I'm like okay we go down to our local lap-dancing bar have to enjoy beautiful girl do you still go out with this man yeah it was wise find two girls we fancy and we get them to do Friday take it off to the little bridge she may survive kram getting all close to him and I'm thinking hang on a minute you're naked that's my boyfriend so I get up and I take all my clothes off comes over and goes excuse me love could you put your clothes back on and could you please leave when security threw you out was it like this before we say goodnight it is time he who the viewers this sit in the red chair tells your most interesting anecdote that's what they're doing gonna chose the most interesting anecdote should they bore us then this leaver is used okay so who's up art you can do it if you want do you wanna joke okay so we got first who's up first oh hello anything yet hey what's your name Carol Carol off you go we were invited my son and myself to meet the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh Oh Carol we weren't expecting it my son was blind in the Queen asked him I much thought he had left and the Duke of Edinburgh said not a lot judging by the tie he was wearing Carol come on you say you are the first person in the series I as you walk you to collapse the chair now please clutter a runner enjoy others that was a fantastic story love don't do you think every time every time you look so 20-pound no he thinks how about that oh hello hello blue you have signed the form haven't you I said my face time to do not resuscitate saundra all right Sandra okay off you go right this is my experience in the you forest with a man in the kilt Wow I was out for a walk with my friend tanita and a huge man came along he was dressed in a kilt and he was carrying a very large stick chitti to make a draft excluder it's a ratings are exchanged and he went on his way into the young forest we went deep in the forest and suddenly from behind a tree out this man in the kilt walked turned round and he had his kilts up I'm quite short-sighted so it was not he wouldn't lead and I was going nowhere I was terrified is there an end to this story at all it's very nearly over about time for tonight but it's that time again the collapsing red chair awaits you know the drill viewers tell us your most interesting anecdote and if get bored head would pull this lever all right you can help me with the leave if you wish I'm just out of junior no who's who's up first hi it's Jim Maji hello what Jim Jim Maji Jim a G yes dick man they call me okay Jim magic it sounds like a film with Robin Williams in them go go Jim it was the first day of school as a teacher I was teaching 12 12 year olds and 13 year olds math and I was getting ready for school and I got out of the shower and I went to get my hairpiece I wear a hairpiece back then and I couldn't find it and on the floor was the cat with this hair piece in his mouth all over the place and he was I chased him I chased him all over the house I finally got him but I was too bad I couldn't wear it like I did on it when he said math instead now this using a singular amount are yet to time another one oh hello hello hello oh it's good you could you it's too early for a sound I know okay Paul I think on a t-shirt Jesus yeah it's the end of a long series I had my patient that's very good Oh No hi and I work for insurance company you sit down there because that is nearly it but before we say goodnight it's that time again the collapsing chair awaits you the viewers tell us your most interesting anecdote and if we get bored at we pull this lever obviously I still think we should market this chair this chair should be sold at Christmas people would buy it okay so who's up first in the chair hello hello hi hi what's your name Sharon dueling Sharon dueling yes cooling lovely where you from sure Dooley Canada marvellous okay Sharon off you go my husband and I were standing in a long queue and he was being annoying as usual and he kept pinching my ass so I reached back I grabbed his balls and ice please but when I turned around and look it wasn't my there's nothing the stranger pinched her house no her husband pinched her ass and she went to grab his boy means the stranger pinched her well not if her husband was there in fact strange no I mean we can we could research that we could ask her but I'm almost certainly sure that her husband did pinch your ass and then swap places with the blue yeah or she just grabbed the wrong set of balls cause if you're not looking balls feel the same they don't sneaking off hello joe-joe yes Joe very nice Joe all right where you from Joe I'm from a little town in South Wales called Monmouth so Joe from Monmouth delight the nation right well it was very early one morning and I was running a bit late for an important meeting and I left you say for being to an important meeting I've said and I joined a queue and this woman there's just time for a few stories in the collapsing red chair so who's up first hello hi hi embarrass yourself fortunate Antony Antony marvelous Ally seems happy doesn't it really we have the same mouth and the same eyebrows then again Antony Antony's name's Anthony okay this is it the big time awaits okay so if I ever want to have my hair cut I have to travel 150 miles because I'm he made me do it morning okay who's up next hi what's your name my name's nasha nasha all right off you go Nessa um I was at a wedding with my husband and it was great we were drinking loads of champagne and having a great time you're hanging out with the inlaws it's good and we saw the UM bride and groom they look to it surprised to see us and we thought oh it's probably nerves then we basically went to have the sit-down meal and I basically couldn't find our names anywhere on the seating plan and then the penny drop that we weren't actually invited to that party I started to cry and then we ended up having to have our meal with this man who had a phobia of public eating it was like knives and for scraping or something like did his head in so yeah that's my story holes ignite yeah we've just time for a few stories in the collapsing red chair you heard the celebrities now you the viewers get to tell us your most interesting anecdotes in the world get bored we pull a lever alright so so quickly I'll just get myself organized who's up first hi I'm Carrie hello Carrie hi hi alright and where's Rob Gary I'm from Stoke Newington you're lying aren't you oh yes I'm familiar good yeah there was a funny boss I'm from you canopy walk okay okay this is it best story in the world best okay I'm not sure if you're wearing a bra for this collapsing chair but I think sucky no no they just they you know they look like they're gonna have some fun on the way over okay so my story is I used to do a lot of internet dating where I would sometimes see two or three guys a week and when I would meet them I would always take them to me I'd always take them to this one particular bar which was around the corner from the tube station because I thought it's safe and after like the 20th 30th date I've taken in there the manager came over to me with my date and told me that I had to leave because he thought I was a prostitute side I said to the guy should we go somewhere else he said no thanks love and he left me they didn't even pay you you can see why they fought back okay who's up next all OH hello hello what's your name Olive Regan Regan yeah Graham and Rican you know job he seems playful to me don't speak sorry we did I was taken to very no so you fabulous story off you go I once shared a toilet with David Beckham I was actually living at home I was living in Hong Kong we went out with a few friends we found this really great bar the head Pepper artsy outside and were like there must be good so we went inside got our photo taken on the way down got inside there's no one in there we were like this is weird and then we sat down headed dragon and walked Real Madrid and we were like I'll it's amazing so Iran was just sort of an aura and then I had to go the toilets I mix the toilet and security guy can really get out of the toilet table that's why I'm single yeah one more hello oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah what's your name Helen Helen yes okay now Helen yeah delighted with your story um I've actually got troubled store right a trip ok might be interesting with volcanic ash where we uh in Bulgaria I know I thought about of my house wouldn't be great to have one in your house I'm chatting someone let's go southerners what is just getting into it we're going take a night just time for a few stories in the red chair you the viewers get to tell us your most interesting anecdote of all time hello what's your name I'm Caroline Caroline Caroline wait from Carolyn I'm from Weybridge and sorry fascinating what what's your what's your story I got attacked by a toilet Queen she's just like shitting would you risk one more person yes hello hello hi you look adorable what I'm Camilla Camilla we have high hopes you Camilla don't we Jennifer yes good morning you now he wears her okay off you go well I was a very nice pub in Camden once when I decided I need to go to the loo so I was sat down having a nice little wave when it turned out I wasn't actually going for a wee it was actually a poo Camilla can she walk back to the part wish the pee was pull yeah obviously um and it was a poo but it got stuck completely wedged so I had to deride it with some tissue and in my frenzy as I brought it round it flew across the toilet landed in between my cubicle and the cubicle next to me that was immediately a massive shriek from next door could even run oh yeah out of a guru should check the seat I don't know but I wanted to know the ending that's a good story yes he wants a good story yeah Oh - one okay one more okay little B oh no oh man this could test our mettle what's your name sir I'm nice mark MA hello mark way from Milton Keynes Milton Keynes yes man to the cow have you been there no oh you really must get seriously okay yeah if you like the block you'll love right mark mark from the Milton Keynes off you go uh well I used a unexploded World War two bond as a toy should we stop or do we do fine okay oh you're gonna fly through the air what Emily Emily hi green it's Emily Emily Emily Dublin Dublin okay they're everywhere yes that story went well okay off you go okay I was on the bus and coming home and I saw a guy that I really liked on the bus and I thought how could I just saw presenter she's saying boss thank you okay thank you off you go sorry down afraid the bus and I saw a guy that I really liked um so it wasn't my stuff but I decided to get off the bus and we ran after him and we're engaged six years later are you stealing hey yeah six years to catch it if she had when you get married um next year next year we'll have a lovely wedding all right bye that is nearly it but before we say goodnight it just time for a few stories in the red chair this could take longer than usual you the viewers again tell us your most interesting anecdote ever if we get bored you know what happens all right now who's up first it's me okay it's John right it's John John John John Wells and safety your feet need to be on the ground I know the world see might see my converse there read the chairs read I get that but you'll kill yourself okay doing Rob the story could be fascinating so maybe I won't do this but I'm ready today you guys ready ready yes a story ready okay my just gonna think about okay this will happen okay shop at present stage and there no I was to us busy dance like have a great time okay next oh hello what's your name it's Jennifer Jennifer loves you just Edward where you from Edward Jennifer Jennifer I'm in up since five I'm tired Jennifer way from Jennifer Limerick okay lovely hey now I don't want to be rude I think I could see your pants oh that's fine okay it look a bit pant esque we've established it's not pants it's just that it's a tight trouser affair okay almost a legging I would say yeah liking would you go with a girl with a liking liking okay so Jennifer from Limerick in a legging your best anecdote of your life off you go the first time I met my in-laws invited me around for a lovely meal and the father-in-law told a really funny joke as I was laughing I put my head back and a chicken Filip popped out of my bra and landed on the table which everybody found quite funny in the end book was quite embarrassing we don't you've got a good member of the royal family we don't before we say goodnight just time for a few stories in the red chair yeah blood it's a chapter time for you the viewers to tell us your most interesting anecdote ever and if you get bored yeah you know what happens so who's up first hello hi hi who are you my name is Gina Gina Gina Gina Gina Janis you did hello where you from Christchurch New Zealand Christchurch New Zealand very specific we can visit her so this is your best story ever off you go and 2006 I was in a demolition derby I took my tiny little Mitsubishi Mirage I got ran by big voxel into a brick wall and the front of my car went into a big peak in the front rip right off and I thought right so I got myself out of the wall and drove straight over the top managed to make my way around to the ramp where are another big card tip sort of hit the ass into me and I went over the ramp sideways I take it I knew she could take it she loves that I wanted to buy a fish and chip shop just to hear it's a fashion chop German some coffee yeah I've left the coffee machine in the garage he's up next hello hi Graham hello who are you you Lou hello Lou hello Brian yeah no yes so so now off you go when I was a student at university to make some extra money I used to be waitressing yeah it's a job to work on a big function at Windsor Castle and I went off yeah I just stop you there do you mean the actual pub or Windsor Castle know the actual wins of the actual Windsor Castle she wins recital so I went along to do this function then I was helping lay up in this big function room and I desperately needed the loo and I thought I could find it on my own I headed off down the corridor and then another corridor and then I found myself on a tiny little corridor and the door opened on my left and out came a corgi and then a couple of seconds later the Queen came out behind the coffee and I was immediately flattened by a security man and that was my story should we let it you just I think let it walk off came out holding a camera phone having team - time for another one okay one more one more one more okay okay oh hello hello I got this sir my way from bark I actually live in Dublin but I'm originally from Macclesfield interesting another story okay so off you go mark originally from Maxfield okay my story goes I was at the dentist and I had to have my wisdom tooth extracted quite unexpectedly and I got home I wasn't very well after it for some reason I was bleeding quite a lot and I got my two friends over to look after me and I needed to go to the loo oh here we go so we were worried about this anecdote and suddenly toilet came to say okay off you go having gone to the loo I was peeing away and suddenly I fainted and that was obviously a loud bang because my two friends came sort of rushing in and as I woke up from the fainting I realized that my willy was still out and I was still peeing sorry Oh that's such a good time guys but but voice a good night just time for a few stories in the red chair who's up first who's up first oh hello hi hi who you there Claire I wouldn't say I'm where you from Claire I'm Cambridge Cambridge she sounds quite posh okay so this is that your best anecdote in the whole wide world this is this is the corker this is the guaranteed show-stopping story from Claire well hopefully how old you Claire 27 27 this is the funniest thing you know well I was in Turkey teaching windsurfing nothing's funny can follow windsurfing it's just yeah don't go Janet to the ballot of always in the driving seat Oh yellow hi hi you seem too nice to do this today Miriam Miriam yeah those earrings we'll have our eye out okay at Miriam what happened to you basically I got on the bus and I suddenly went blind good story odd story so I was talking to the bus driver said please let me off please for me if he would let me off I got off the bus I sat down I call my mom luckily she wasn't speed dial and then I got home they just say that's a genius detail for someone who's gone blind I believe this story now Suze really thought it through oh it's a good life it's a lie and then yen and I got home I had a muffin that was fine I got my sight back and I was happy that's just is that just that's is that there must be a blood sugar thing is it I went to the doctors and he they did they said it was just I hadn't eaten breakfast so it was that yeah an absence of breakfast doesn't normally I'm a statue came a special case I'm afraid Tyler Perry hates you Victoria recomm that is it and before we go and just got time for a story - in the red chair so who's up first oh hello hello smug le o le o yes yeah Sam's le o pro-german dropped dead in the middle baptized again okay Theo off you go it's a poem so I'm glad for that well do you know when you have words that's on the same in the same language but I was not in the mood for that thank you one more get one more one okay come on okay hello hi hi hi who are you i'm enes Ellis and this like Dennis but no Dee before we get started what does ns do with that hair and what do you do in it I'm a singer stroke actor Oh slash model better look out yeah today on the chair next week on the cat this is like an audition for the couch yeah there's like chat X Factor okay this okay your best story ever off you go well one day I happened to be perusing in Harrods and up you they're fabulous use the word Peru yeah while I've been going very well yes while I'm in the store I can hear someone saying Chris Chris Chris I thought it was quite odd anyway I'm two hours later and five floors I traversed the five floors and I thought it was F who is this idiot calling out Chris Chris Chris I look back and suddenly I saw a woman and a man walking towards me hi Chris how you doing basically what it was Graham they thought I was Chris Rock Patong for a surgeon in the red chair so who's up first hi not promising no way what's your name uh George George yeah I'm Way from George I'm from outside Atlanta Georgia oh it ends the screaming very good now then I'll stop now I say Henson screaming and what do they do stop thank you a lot to us for Georgia's here towards from Georgia and a lazy parents and what do you do Georgia Georgia I'm actually a university professor at University of Georgia interesting what do you lecture in a theater and film studies okay George also go alright uh well my first job outside of college was working at an amusement park performing a show we had the best of George you came all the way from America seconds yeah chatted for a while and then I was bored hello are you Greg right now I'm now I use from Atlantis well no no I'm from London but you're London okay what's your name by the way it's Laura Laura and you from London what do you do Laura I work as a traffic operator the London traffic control center I travel in London there's no control centre trust me what do you do we change your phasing on the traffic lights sometime I didn't know what someone was responsible all right so a dweeb right hello hello oh hi oh crime hello what's your name John this is John everybody John with friends doesn't even word lanta there just give me nervous okay so err John and where you from Croydon Croydon a my seats here have you been to Freud no sir you might have been through it have you ever flown out of Gatwick you've been deployed and what are you doing cordoned on I work for the police it's not traffic related is this that's kind of terrorism I'll look after you all what counterterrorism slightly concerned you've got time decision my red trio please now alright God what's your story I came last in the first ever London Marathon so what happened you did we just very very slow now my friend put me up for it and told me two months before the day so I decided I wouldn't do any training I just drugged up and down Bromley High Street doing the race I got knackered halfway through couldn't do anything walked it thought I did all right after six and a half hours then I've got home the next day read the paper that I came last officially in The Times report and I also got far from my jobs I couldn't get to work next day because I could move people in suits of armor and dressed up as caterpillars and things came faster than you training you're responsible for protecting our country Thank You meryt actually flipped on just a couple of stories in the red chair and it seems up first oh hello hi gram oh okay so do it now funniest thing that's ever like he was gonna tell us he collects string you should have an eye for that sort of person okay that's one one I took one boy oh hello hi hi what's your name Julie Julie you're right Julie I'm fine I guess I'm trying to go loose oh don't push me back I what number because this one one more one more one more first everybody just mopping up hello hello hello what's your name ice James Jeb okay Dave watch oh sorry oh well I'm a chef and about months ago me and my girlfriend got engaged and even way too long anything yeah well I get whatever yeah okay see what engage Richard for you come on in guys you know I haven't returned for you thank you anyway sorry she made it very clear that she wanted to pick her own engagement ring which is fine but if it I didn't quite know what to do about getting her a ring to put on finger when I actually asked her so big kills I was chef I decided to make one out of icing so I'll spin about acting lamest idea I've ever heard can you imagine and she said he yes did you see that man that swallowed my rig on Britain's Got Talent see me actually but he did it was real how did you get it bad she searches belly before we go and we've just got time for a story or two in our red chair you were looking at this puzzled I will all become clear in a moment okay so who's up first on the red chair hello hello hello alright do you work in the theater no hello what because the smoke getting in your eyes nobody looks white is all in black looks like he might work easier yes you see it's very very tactful hey what's your name by the way my name is MIT site MIT a yes nothing grant no no that's fine do you miss a I work for an estate agent oh and that's sad alright may take this story's good I could take you away from all of that looking funny got married this is this clip they show at our wedding a chair together yeah no they are funny story you tell the meta oh yeah nothing now okay after going this way well my story is was the first year anniversary is a paper anniversary soon anniversary anniversary are you married I'm married wasting my time to try one more tonight oh hello what's your name I'm Mike Mike lovely Mike what do you do I'm a complementary therapist I do colonic hydrotherapy this job when I used to telephone sex of the dominatrix calls mistress Veronica you were worn on the telephone yeah you didn't sound like this visit outside you're much more like this Graham how much do you hate Skype oh hey Jim again Mike Mike Mike okay so aunt Mike like that have complement your therapist off you go with Mike you destroy we had various punishments for our slaves that used to phone up and speak to us and one of them so hydrogen very very confused there for a moment I'm with you now we're on your phone sex not Department eternity yes no I want to finish up this it was a rip the really bad clinic yeah sage will see you now one of the punishments was put sellotape over the pubic hair and rip it off on command know then send it all in practice was decorations and hung it around the room becoming time I'm often asked myself a question and now I know they are thank you very much Mike yeah we loved you story you can walk away now go ed we've just got time for our last stories of the series from the red chair so who's up first hello hello Wow now I wasn't expecting that voice for you I'm Simon Simon yes you're the BFG in that chair she must be enormous I am extremely huge you are as big as a female tennis ball Big E runs though huge muscles mum what have you do for a living I'm sailor I'm not even use a sail just hold your hands off you got a story sir okay you are simply subject to we were talking about tonight regard still wedding we had a mock wedding myself and my wife now we had a lot of pressure from our parents when we were dating and they wanted us to us or get married we thought well select will will fake a wedding so we invited a liberal amount for a family party after the so-called wedding we all know carnations we're the best man etc confetti everywhere and basically when they came in all a little bit somber what's happened with what we've missed and I've got my best man to announce that we'd got married and then there was pandemonium loads of loads of people crying etc and my wife gets slapped by her mum besides really I love how terrible that story Wow look why not just get married you go only joking too far when you've been slapped yeah yeah Baron do you have another one on there oh yeah we do hello yet you yes we're gonna talk there's only one red chair you're in it what's your name pretty lady my name is Kristen Kristen yeah and what you do Christian I'm a teacher a teacher lovely I'll forget sorry off you go okay um I was trying to impress my boyfriend on our third date ah third jgt God is in the details yeah stole my sister's lingerie I was living with my parents at the time and my sister um I took it out of her dresser drawer to press my boyfriend to look all sexy and we were home alone together just me and my boyfriend on the sofa and my sister came home unexpectedly me and was very very upset very angry with me yeah and I said I'm really really sorry I'll I'll buy you a new one I so sorry really awkward moment and anyhow turns out she wasn't really angry with that I said well what are you so mad about everybody's so angry with and she said well your boyfriend's just run over my dog in the driveway one of the best stories you so never saw that coming leave it in the dump you all know we've upset Anna Kournikova dirty lingerie to destroy no one dog but you earned extra notes dick but you Oh anyway I just thought she was angry about the negligee I pinched it do we got it yeah you can walk you can walk lady listen before we go we've just got time for a story - in the red chair so who's up first - do we have first hello hi hi now I don't know I don't know if it's the perspective and they you look like you were the longest arms is that Kenny Everett big nose and what's your name sir rusty rusty yeah is that short for anything no rustic we're baptizing somebody okay rusty but your deal you just got wet rusty off you go okay well I just moved to London and I got a flat with a flat share site obviously I didn't know the people too well and anyway was my first day back from work I was pretty hyper and there was no one in the flat so I was dancing a bow and then I was getting changed I thought I know as there's no one about it might get naked so around the flat naked doing a bit of a jig I did a twirl turned around my flatmate was there with his parents - on a car one chair actually broken I thought we clearly very it appears so I like the back but the parents did not speak English made that story somehow worse do this yeah definitely cuz you know when he's trying to explain himself and he's gonna have to translate and yeah it would be messy is there much to explain Charlotte he's just really dancing but there's the reason why he's had such a good day at work I've had good days at work I've never thought I'm gonna get naked and toes no really I imagine that you work in Tesco I went really well today why not yeah yeah oh I'll pretend Madonna's over there oh we think we've got it mended me are you shouldn't you shouldn't check it I hate FOMA yeah oh there any way to make it yeah you'll have made it not him dude job for one more okay one very last one I'm with him we're out of here okay hello hey what's your name lovely lady my name is Kira Kira I bet what you do Kira I'm a student oh oh oh I do advertising and marketing I've chosen the marked in yeah from famous yeah West country trying on you is do you know Russell no we don't we don't know each other decision good asking right mahir and Alfie go with your with your winning story okay so basically I really really fancy this guy but I didn't have the courage to talk to him so I thought if I get really really drunk then I might get some duck Dutch courage and it didn't work so I said to my friend we need to do something so so I'm gonna faint you need to clear the area I'm gonna fake this was in a club so I fainted and she showered clear the area clear the area and after that he still didn't notice me so I need to really step it up now on the dance floor got some UV glow sticks going put one in my mouth and I accidentally bit through it next minute I was vomiting green UV rays and he still didn't notice me you we go we have got time for a story - in the red chair alright don't know if you're familiar with this looking forward to is I get apprentice for chat show guests essentially it's all their best story and you know we'll see how it goes okay only accompany hello hello hi how you doing I'm fine thank you brilliant my name is Josie Josie what do you do Josie I am a part-time worker and mum okay what do you do for part-time work I work in a delicatessens a delicatessens Ron that works believe me hey good for you so a off you go with your story I once saved a baboon's life oh good stars good stars okay not as good as I once killed a bit okay so you say the wounds life I did hope there's a kiss of life in this story go in the 70s when I was a zookeeper there was a big yes keep you in the 70s when we could eat them yeah yeah off you go okay there was a baboon island with a moat around it and a female baboon fell into the water and she was drowning so I just fell into the water swam up to her and either she was going to rip my throat out or she would trust me to save her and thankfully she trusted me to save her she wrapped her arms around my neck put her head on my shoulder and allowed me to swim her back to the eye I think that you desert you deserve to walk off yes my something love it okay and this way we get to see your shoes Oh was really over this we need attached should have big baboon legs and why can't the boom swim stupid bitch of a baboon type another one okay this is final one final one here we go hello sir are they Graham hello what's your name it's Ross hi Ross hi there so what do you do Ross I'm a programmer for Vodafone whoa okay sir delighted with your tail um my story is about me and my gorgeous girlfriend Faye who's in the audience just in front of you for a bit fake wave hey let's look at what oh this Faye woo she the woman no bra yes yes she wah wah present out of your league why don't I face Tim's blood ran off with her so you're Ross yep and she's fair she and this is a tale of Ross and she's actually put up with me for seven years now seven years seven years and over the last few months she's been dropping lots of hints about me asking her something and I thought I would ask her now no it was best that you try to go back there oh no oh you can say no if you want to somebody and follow someone bring you back there don't rush there's a bit of a walk to the gallows was it seven years I was sort of winding it up Nate this is my good edited out about this time I think she might be saying no to be honest though how funny would that be suddenly would that be I would cry tears oh okay here we go oh oh what's happened what's happened has anything happened since no have you had a row you made up okay okay so now I've bought you this in stir this is I think this is okay off you go Fay I love you you marry me yeah what's bad but we're just gonna have a quick go of the red chair okay yeah we do this every not lamashtu jackass this well it was jackass at the back there'd be a big popping pool of poo or something like a piranha in it but it's just a chair so who's up first who's up first oh hello hello hi Jim Joan Rivers was my Girl Scout leader that seems very much come on called a river yeah never a Girl Scout either are you are you so camping with auntie Joan anyway the same one more should we one more come on quick quickly oh hello hello hi I like already see now is it funny I like this woman she's got a car she's gonna code up some credit if you go what's your name Rosetti Jackie Jackie good all new Jackie and here what do you do I'm a journalist Oh what sort of what sort of journalism do you do jack well I'm a sub-editor for the Sunday Mirror tell us your story super Lou with my four-year-old daughter a few years ago you know what a super Lou in the middle of a high street yes and my four year old went and pressed the button to open the door when I was sitting on the toilet totally exposed to the high street so I screamed and she was so shocked she left outside so the door shut on me it went dark and you know with these super lose they flush it out every time so I sitting in there showered with all these chemicals stuck in the dark trying to find my way out with lara the four-year-old screaming outside is if you think this sort of karma to you patty because before we before we release you back into the wild we've just got time for a story - in the red chair so let's see who's up first hello what's your name hi I'm Rianna we bought one of those the omec her life is blighted there's only gonna be one famous successful Rihanna and you're it hey guys we have one more one more one more quick quick quick quick quick hello hi what's your name Carol Carol so what's your story off you go when I was getting ready for work one day and I was there getting ready and I noticed the bin men outside I thought oh bloody neck I haven't put the bin out so I ran downstairs push the wheelie bin down the Drive and everybody saying morning Carol morning it's an ongoing in bin men all right love I said all right I don't think I must look all right today then I walked down I ain't got my pants on I think Kara you deserve to walk off down Gary do people walk away Cara I like Harold I got up in case you didn't have a punch before to go a little a quick story to read chance thread chair so who's up first who's up first hello hello hi what's your name Emma Emma and what do you do Emma I work for the Open University for the open I'd you I didn't know that was still going it's the still Open University well done what do you do for them I'm an advisor she's an advisor I wish I had that job she advising who to whom issue is she advising we advising our students helping people work out which courses they want today okay interesting okay off you go over here well um a long time ago it worked they sent me on a first aid course and I was quite nervous to go on the course and they told us a lot about resuscitation and we had to always check for danger before inside Chelsea lost david hayes interest she lost that much attention span I know but you what is her overcome wasn't long oh but she was just getting a good part I know but you know I'd lost someone on the sofa do we have anyone else in there quick quick quick quick oh lo hi oh she might be a Bette Midler fan we can't be sure Wow what's your name Laura Laura and does your story involve MS Midler does yeah I'm a huge fan yes you wanna yes of course Oh No do I want to throw her no I'm not I'm gonna listen I'm not gonna let you are off you go okay 13 M school we had to write an essay about what interested us and mine of course was on Bette Midler so and I thought it was amazing you know I spent a lot of time on it and then when we got our chance to read out in front of the class they weren't as interested as I would have liked them to be so I thought now we'll the bet do so I said right who's ready for a song and I sang about two of her hits and I aced it do you want to see something interesting Beth yes what's this what's this your power listen I just where we go we do have a story - in the red chair and we do this at the end of every show so basically people sit in the red chair and they tell their best story so who's up first hello hello hi hi feeling the chill I am you are well today Christine may you what do you do I'm a lawyer oh really who what's that a lawyer I practice family law so people who are getting divorced that sort of thing okay so if you were injured on the chat show you wouldn't have a claim against all right I didn't take that class in law school okay fine Oh Justin wants to know where you're from I'm from Seattle Washington oh say after Washington nice Washington State cool is that where you are going to the fair question ladies very question it's just given the production values on the show the chances were being in Seattle was quite fair she here for let's Oscar what what are you doing here hi or his in the audience talked me into doing this and I was so thrilled when I heard that Jack Black was gonna be on the show because I'm a huge fan all right Donnie I off you got your story okay so when I was in school this kid named John Wayne dumped me for this girl named Cece Barger she had six toes and she ate blue welcome Jeff oh we do hello hi Graham look you've got a bag I do a bag at a laundry bag so with their laundry yeah I'm picking one nice one more last one hello honey hi what's your name Jennifer Jennifer away from Jennifer South Africa originally it's so international our program this evening okay off you like your sword you like us well my then-boyfriend not so long ago so it still makes me blush and he originally yeah decided to take me along too really listen before we go let's have a story or two in the red chair so who's up for us hello look at you you're in it for the long haul you're snuggling in there what's your name Monica sorry Monica Monica Monica weren't we from Monica I come from Germany but I live in London now okay money car what would you do money car not a lot okay she's gone man skunk right so money car money car off you go with your story when I was living in the country I had to drive into time and on the way to town I passed a local lose that okay and we're given with having none of it I heard that you just going this is boring that's me to twirl it was an editor better with pictures that's going there was little pictures of houses and cars I drove into town I thought she was called horny cat okay she's using a chat name I got you called Mooney cow yeah Monique are anyone else anyone else oh hello hello hi hi hi hey what's your name Liga money seriously she will just put her hand in a Scrabble box should i lega lega where are you from League oh I'm from Latvia Latvia Marvis you're all very welcome are you legal of course she's put Liga in her name the book mule off the scent I'm legal so what what do you what do you do here with a work permit company sorry I vote for the struggle country for travel company at any moment she can get to an airport okay off you go Nika and my story takes in place in Mexico a huge national sorry two weeks ago I got married in Mexico and also during the trip and me we went to scuba diving trip which actually didn't enjoy very much because I got sick and sick of my jumper and didn't like going on water and after the trip we needed to take a boat to get back to the hotel yes and on the boat I realized something smells not really very well and I said to my husband Oh smell my jumper I think it smells of sick and he got really close with me because he wasn't feeling very well because he was very choppy and he's a lot are you crazy IRA mental I don't want to smell your sacral discomfort so yep it's my story I love that's an anecdote the bunch lot of the other guy I don't want to smell the stick on your jumper that girl she's run of Latvia stop chameleons settling up she's like the Latvian Graham Norton shut up they love that stuff in that beer sick on the jumper Joe quick what laughs what laughs what laughs I'm not on hello hi hello hello what's your name Sam Sam right where are you from Sam I am from Brazil she just run around cat weight with a big knife he's bonkers I don't understand maybe I'm thrilled you from Brazil that's marvelous thank you what are you doing Brazil we're here no I'm here I'm a minister of religion all right so and off you go we do sorry sir I was at a boarding school fifteen years old and it was a Valentine's party and there was this really pretty girl I wanted to invite and she was the hot blonde of the school so I went and invited her and we went to the Valentine's party was very nice but I wanted to carry it on so the following day I knew that she was going a jogger free trip I didn't do a geography so what did I do I faked that I love geography and I managed to convince everyone that I had to be on this trip cheddar caves was my passion from when I was young so I went on a trip meanwhile she convinced her parents that she was ill that day so she could stay behind so I ended up going on the trip being very disappointed on the bus not to find her and when she turned up in the afternoon at school I wasn't there but the good news is that 1415 years later we're happily married today yeah Riddhi that was that was really the point of his story we just say I'm really happy yeah got a story or two in at the red chair so who's gonna be up first hello hi Graham hi hello the doll what what's your name its Debra Debra lovely Debra and what do you do for living Debra um I'm an exotic dancer no I'll I'm a housewife okay Deborah I won't keep you off you go with this story Graham um while I was sitting at home when my story is about my Pixies my pics ISM I can't apologize enough share some weeks this is the best bit of the show okay do me do me another bunch me quickly let's try one more let's try one more hello alright is your name will there Alex good one more remember bring him back up hello hi she's making yourself air she said I'm not going anywhere what's your name rice Lady Catherine Catherine or a high hopes for you Catherine and we're waiting for Guffman from Nottingham Nottingham yes ray all right off you go right well I like to go on holiday and I love Cornwall so as you do when you go to corn we gone lots of walks so I was walking along one day and who should I see in her drive but Dawn French huge fun of Dom French so I am it's faster if I could have her autograph oh go get one get love a story of two in the red chair and who's up first hello you seem too young to be in our red chair hello what's your name I'm Megan Megan yeah what what do you do Megan I'm a student at University Bellingham she's a student at the University of Birmingham what do you study MIT business and French mmm how boring we should be rioters Christmas Eve good for all right all right off you go with this story okay so my story is that I've been sitting two weeks ago and the two very young children and basically I use it facilities managed to break the lock was it other than that in there for a casual three hours and I decided I need to go out with her so often three hours she decided she ought to get out she's world children on the other side of the door she shouldn't be encouraged hey isn't someone else in our chair hello what's your name sir bum pound sorry Bob Bob very good Bob can I just warn you going just before you decide just remember there's a lot of shortage of hospital beds in this there's some trolleys but normally beds so I'm confident and we're delight Bob store okay alright so off you go Bob I'm staying with the mother-in-law for Christmas and I'm riding I am Lord Joe I stop you Bob pop how old is your mother-in-law 1990 how old are you Bob 77 77 okay she knows miss Dawson is a hero of mine and one of his jokes I've always wanted to put to her never had the guts so I have now my mother-in-law is so two-faced if you tell her something sad she cries all down the back of a neck you know when you get to that man you patronized him because that was a poor story nobody should have heard no yes look it's my name on sorry you talkin about Christine oh hello hi hi hi hey what's your name hi it's Diane Diane and what do you do Diane um I see a recently got made redundant today so no no no it is tempting though this and brought us all a little bit down lovely even ago Oh Christmas ruined Sally so huh no that's your story my cheers all back up again okay okay is it a cheery story dad no I'll be fine on my final one final bottom you hear me hello hello hi this is a perky lady with a great story to tell I senses what's your name my name's Stephanie Stephanie alright Stephanie and where you from Stephanie I'm from London and and what do you do Stephanie I'm a paralegal paralegal any parachutes into cool early off you go okay so it was on the underground really rush hour load loads of people and I felt a sneeze coming but I couldn't get my hands up in time to pitch my nose so I caught my sneeze in my hand but I scooped up the ladies ponytail in front the best stories at all here

Channel: leonardo1893

Views: 1,429,309

Rating: 4.6672058 out of 5

Keywords: Graham norton, red chair, cork, ireland, Anthony, Dublin, Mark, Jim, that's all we've got time for, late night, london, england, british, bbc

Id: jXnILf71huU

Length: 94min 29sec (5669 seconds)

Published: Thu May 16 2013