Christina Pazsitzky & The HOV Gooch | TigerBelly 172

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hit or miss we have people in the room people that I adore people that don't people that I hate not you Christina I love you it has to do with a couple of these maybe one pan face goukan here we got one pan face book that was a little weird no that's the worst of the whites like just the the hills of eyes our whites oh that's serious whites whites that like you know you're driving in the desert with your family you get a flat tire and all of a sudden you're in a cave right you're tied up and is these [ __ ] yeah y'all need help with that time yeah yeah cousin cousin with them with like a leather mask on what southern something oh something Midwest Midwest christina pazsitzky everybody thanks bro she um he's on a park but I knew her before I that I knew her husband Tom Segura and I knew her way before I think I knew it before now okay true story yeah I don't know if you're you probably don't remember the very first time I ever did stand-up comedy it was in the belly room I was 26 years old how many years goes out in 42 anyways I was I I started I woke up that morning no I was gonna do stamp for the first time and I had diarrhea all day long in the greenroom yeah yeah at the Comedy Store upstairs in the belly yeah and I was taking shits coming back taking and in between [ __ ] yeah in walks Bobby Lee into the bathroom no and I was like oh I know that guy like the guy's famous right and then you sit down next to me and I was so nervous and I was like shaking and sweating and you just start talking to me like hey what's up what are you doing what you got what's going on boy I was so nervous I couldn't talk to you oh really and I was like I have to [ __ ] and I told you yeah yeah yeah oh and that was the first time I met you really no dude the diarrhea have to do with your nervousness yes I had diarrhea for the first six years of doing Stan I was so skinny yeah yeah back in my early footage yeah you get diarrhea whenever you're nervous in general yes Wow to this day if I'm like taping a special or so right I will [ __ ] my brains out right before and then I know it's gonna be a good show waha yeah yeah I don't care like now I mean you know you probably sleep until you go up on stage yeah I sleep I slept till 2:00 1:30 today how if you hadn't come dog don't 4:30 if I want to say one thing about you though before we even get into whatever it is what were you doing last night I saw you years ago maybe five or six years ago at the ice house you were in the annex and I was doing the other room and I walked into your room to watch him and I literally I thought it was with aegyo that could be one of the strongest comics oh because you were doing no honors I'm being honest Eric Griffin last week I was there oh yeah but no I don't say that to other people number one appreciate and number two I did say it to her when she said it was when we were dating so it had to be less than five years ago then and then I really do believe that and also on here's another tidbit about you that I like is that you've been known to [ __ ] gooks higher or lower what do you mean Chinese Chinese well them so he's a top top now oh you topped off Taiwan Taiwan is a very like you know very yeah progressive yeah that's well there's a difference between Taiwanese and like mainland Oh huge it's like a Manhattan in these whites college buildings the street where they grew up these whites just trees just trees and just dirt yeah yeah [ __ ] you they're very progressive and just so I get Asian bangin points yeah it wasn't just I was banging this guy I lived with a Chinese guy we were gonna get married babies and stuff is available I'm down for the cause bro yeah that's how low you were in your life he was the best he really sweet yeah not as sweet as my husband yeah yeah what's his name again and weird he's a real person no actually I you know he went on to become a very successful lawyer as I was starting to become a comedian so it was like he was gonna take me to his lawyer dinners and be like hey guys like for good it wasn't a good man really did you meet him when you were haja middle college yeah so he saw you during your MTV days yeah yeah he knew me before and then after because I took a semester off to do that and then I came back to school yeah yeah you know it's it's it's it's a there's another good thing I want to say about you okay no I'm not comfortable with compliments I don't do feelings very well so if we could not can we just do one more okay and then I have two more oh Jesus yeah I'm gonna do any what's gonna make me a good [ __ ] go ahead the second thing I wanted to say about you is is that well the two things I wanted to say is that I there's no nobody has nothing to do with you the first okay is that Tom Segura the best not just the best um he is one of the best people I've ever met I think um what he did for me the first time I met him do you tell you what he did well I know you shared a ride but it's not just that it's not just the ride it's just that we I didn't know him that well I knew of his name because he was rising yes why he was rising fast not fast but he deserves it but and so I was like oh this guy he's you know he's he's one of the top guys and then um we did at Lollapalooza on ball yeah and it was and I remember um my manager was like yeah just I'm went I'm gonna fly you coach and I go my coach but I go but will I will I run into those other guys like no so when I went to the airport but why did your manager fly it what was the reasoning like not not that that's such a bad thing oh cocaine so moisture Oh yeah yeah that's why I'd like to be a man and have that much oh my god Wow fire fire Wow I like people okay I will look into that in a second okay you were sitting in the in the back with the trash and and Dane Cook Sebastian end Tom had first class so they enter the plane first and as I walk by them it literally is like you know murmur when Cersei was walking through that town shame shame shame shame my heresy I've been walking by and then um and the Tom kept coming back and throwing pillows at my face yeah and but like you he made light of it yeah and he made me feel a part of and then apparently when we got to the Houston I think we had to arrange on our own rides and the thing is is that I'm a part of a Comedy Festival you don't have a lied for me yeah they should pick you so we didn't get one and as I get off the plane I realize oh [ __ ] I need a ride so I go out I yell out my manager I'm like and then I turned my right and Tom's there yeah and he goes I go what are you doing you guys I had a feeling it you didn't set up a ride I didn't he goes well I'll give you right there his limo driver drove me to the hotel and that's really that's a nice thing yeah did you know that about him I did he did that I and I remember him telling me he goes what a Jew Pig it's really sorry h3 podcast lower every say like h3 is what a great organizing is the second thing I want to say about you the last compliment okey-dokey and then when I rip you apart cool [ __ ] you all right lady the second thing I want to say is is that like my teeth are very white you know they are very white but listen this is let's suppose this is you okay and it doesn't matter who the size doesn't matter but you and steel Vaughn come from from from MTV right yeah yeah so in the United so you you know you guys you're young people attractive people and your honor an empty that usually when that occurs it's over after yeah right yeah you mean you know I just saw a Jersey show reunion me too I love that yeah I watched our Union yet but I will yeah yeah but you know it's but that's pretty much yeah they can't they're not gonna be able to shake they're called lifers we call them lifers the ones that go back oh yeah do hosting or whatever which is fine it's a gig to be on a show like that and to step out of it and to reinvent yourself and then you come into a different scene but legitimately like these two I know you friend with the old I know him we're not Bros oh I met him a couple times when we did the shows I've seen well aside from then let unknown bring about you then [ __ ] [ __ ] you but you for you to do a show like that and to reinvent yourself to become a legitimate like you literally are like if you go up to anybody I did I hate kissing your ass by [ __ ] that that's so embarrassing I don't I don't know what to do with it well just to sit there and you have to learn look at me this is the last make it quick no I would know I would need to milk it to make her feel comfortable because of what you said about your [ __ ] flat thing [ __ ] ro magic I'm uncomfortable Burt Somerville yeah that's and that's um - compliments and then that's pretty much thank you all the compliment I have more but it's actually stupidity on my part that I didn't utilize but but not the fame or but whatever the the wave of that yeah to become a stand-up like I totally was such an idiot I could have gotten booked in clubs being a feature ACK right away I know and I would have been bad in the long run but I started from scratch and I probably should have been smarter no the way you did it everything the hard way though you do everything the right way thing the hard way speak up can I tell you why can I tell you why because I'm a dumbest person I wait I just anyways go ahead yeah you're so intense right now you have you have two kids I have two children yeah right I know you're married with Tom I know I've been to your house yes beautiful yeah don't don't say where I [ __ ] live where where where the fire happened is that that's pretty broad it's close right yeah I wouldn't even I don't even know we exactly the town that you live in relax but here's some negative thing now it's some negative things let's go I think you feel more comfortable with that yep I think yeah I think you need to get new glasses well why these are nice I just got these because look at this you don't know what you're looking at why do you guys say that he's not a look at those teeth perfect teeth a flat face though for the profile and the guts aniline no can I tell you something this guy probably photographs I mean amazing yeah did you also know about this guy in the last couple years was only skinny now not only a you was ugly fast this guy is a fat [ __ ] you're fat ok I've had Filipino breakfast with those little sausages not circumcised weird for a Filipino because Filipinos are always shine yeah so why the why did your pair my MA had a c-section so I was rushed okay they take the baby's still out the dick is still there do you know that I don't know if I spent money to get you the operation we get it done now why cuz it's so sensitive because it's been covered by a hood that what it's exposed it's like but it's just for us that it would just be for instance and that's unnecessary if I pull my skin back pull my skin back and I wear pants and it rubs against the zipper or anything I'm like crying so it does hurt you it I can come in two seconds because let me ask you that something who have more exterior like stronger hide because of the fact that my we chopped that little the hood off this yeah the foreskin right so if I would if my little peepee rice was still in the little shell my little peepee was in the shell right that I would have a sense of the penis just like you yeah we'll say pristine pristine right yeah that's interesting yeah you can you can pull your foreskin back there are men that in San Francisco I remember there's a of men who would there you pull the skin over the heck is that what it is and then you can put click clamps on there that I didn't pull the skin you can kind of regrow it over the head of your penis your circumcised different body your what we're thinking about is two guys to putting their dicks on each other yeah you're talking about actually growing your skin or pulling it and pulling it and then clamping it so that the skin goes over the head of your penis I think I mean I'm obviously so it'll look like a tamale or something I'm smiling a little bit right now now do girls trip out on your Peter when they see it no yeah State Farm commercials that's what that's what I see when I look at them I see oh my god how long ago is this probably four years ago damn homie yeah so what you do you know yeah primal primal is heavy cream in there no I didn't do it today all fat and meat and vegetables no carbs no I see bacon the whole day and that works I was yes for rapid weight loss all for rapid weight loss but Gilbert has a very very difficult relationship with food yeah so I don't think it's as sustainable for you as it was for other people because you do have like a massive sweet tooth yeah and so you yo-yo which is actually worse for you it's bad yeah we'll see you what are you sorry please what do you eat what's your jam you're just right now yes carbs it's really just breads like I can't get away from rice or breads or pastries that's the way she said every day no you can't eat that [ __ ] when you're on oh yeah that's right every day bro you're very healthy I eat white and ivory all colors yeah I can't not eat rice in fact that might be I can I could never do because of that yeah but you know if I did keto which I used to do Atkins before yeah I was ripped like my muscles I had vanity muscles now I'm slender but you know you can tell sort of that I still have the extra Pudge once in a while no you don't veg no but you know a rip that used to be I don't know yeah your vag is nice no we're gonna take a moment for a sponsor who since we're on the topic of healthy food we have an awesome sponsor you guys um the holidays are starting and let me say something right now even before I even say that yeah I want to say that blue apron has given me the most tastiest meals imaginable well it's easy to cook it arrives at our house like clockwork right you get to pick your menus online there's a variety of things with the holidays fast approaching meal prep is the last thing you want on your plate right right what if cooking's delicious wholesome meals was easy it can be with blue apron guys for your holidays you have to treat yourself to blue apron even if you're dumb like and you're in our fingers that move the way I do I don't I can't that's where clutter comes in tell them about it Gil guys check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free at blue apron comp slash belly that's blue apron calm slash belly blue apron a better way to cook now back to that good old veg talk it's like a slit of a perfection what is it okay let's talk about do you really notice the differences of that and I guess I'm shallow in that way a very shallow what are you not like what's it what's an undesirable vision what first of all it has to look like a vagina sometimes it looks like like an iid went off on it that's what mine looks like right now it does two babies and two episiotomy what is this position they make a little cut so that the baby comes out of the car have you look at your vagina in the mirror yeah it's horrible like what does it just described to me verbally just imagine a scientific or scientific science alert okay so they cut it and so it's like it makes like a big HOV Lane right so like it's it was stitched up so like it's healed but the bottom part is a little more crooked do you not I mean it was stitched twice I've had that oh my god right the rest is looks like it like it always did Yeah right yeah but that's the actual like what he's referring to your so your vagina is fine it's just as crooked good yeah the meat the meat if I saw it in a photo it has but I didn't know was yours yeah yeah and I look at it now you have like five photos I guess which one I pick it and usually you're like no that's a baby's Bobby the baby's vagina oh [ __ ] that's what I assumed what I just said no because I could I liked it I want I want to be able to do the podcast and say whatever I want you know why cuz if I said whatever I wanted yeah you can air it you've watched your mom's house no I mean I want to see illegal things you know other ones another one yeah what Santino and I did one as an experiment six months ago you could just come over we're gonna do one that we're not gonna air and I just want to see what that is yeah my god it's the best one we've ever it's the funniest one I've ever done what was it son arable is about what Hitler baby FS oh I mean yeah we did we I'm usin about every word every word how freeing would that be but let's do a super super podcaster so it's like Ethan and Gila yeah yeah yeah Rogen or Ebert Tom and like a mega inappropriate roundtable table Wow except Bert would take over you think they're what dominate well no we get I'm so drunk you'll get to a point you get him drunk enough he'll just go inside himself that's what we want shut him down shut down that personality well we had burnt here and you just trying to remember like I'm in a but you guys think about his own liquor yeah that's cuz we then we didn't even have ice for him because you do have ice in your house yeah we don't even have households have ice in the freezer okay so we go I don't think it was weird until birth came over and he's like you guys don't have any [ __ ] I never thought about it and then I realized that ice is a treat for me like when I'm on a plane I asked for crushed ice and it may I sit there and so much joy just yeah rolling around my high five ourselves of I so you're so sweet when I go over to my sister's house the first thing I do is I get the crushed ice machine but a little pineapple juice and they sit there guys I can't enjoy he's gonna make her like a I sand maker in your fridge maybe seen her fridge it's from the 70s oh that's why you that's why what about a tray I know what to get you for Christmas an ice cube tray are you high when I bought this hot condo years ago there was it was a brand new no one ever lived here and then the guy was like the realtor guy was like you gotta get a fridge and I've never bought a fridge before I went to wherever the fridges are sold fridge are us I don't know what was wrong I believe oh yeah I walked in there and this was the cheapest one because in my head I'm like I'm not ever gonna have a girlfriend have anyone live here yeah so I'll just get that I don't cook at home yeah so I just bought that piece of [ __ ] and it's now I regret it but we're gonna find a new place you're hot I'm going to your house and inspired us to really we even looked in your area really I would love to have you as neighbors oh he's so fun would we do you really believe that we would see each other yeah if you look close it's all about proximity the older yet especially when you have children yeah I just see whoever's closest yeah yeah yeah if we were like two blocks away you would walk over no no you know if I knocked on the door uncle it's me Bob come on I could come in of course Wow would you just do like a lurk around her hedges no I just sit there and do whatever they lollipops and whatever babies do you know what do babies do frolic frolic and I was just you know prance around with the yeah yeah and then go All Right see you what were you doing till 8:00 would you say a blessed night for an one yeah I mean a couple of things I was doing um I was checking my social media because I need to show that I'm on wish I'm on a show called sibling up together it's a ABC show oh and one of the episodes that the episode that I was in last night was me and my wife's episode in the show and I wanted to see what the comments were and that and the ratings went up a little bit you know that yeah a little bit and that and that's huge it's yeah but it's gonna get canceled I don't want it to be but it just you know unless they move it because we're gonna this is us yeah they're crossing us oh yeah that show yeah I tried honestly and then I was happy bother me I think I stopped before that was like enough yeah too too heavy yeah also when they even when they're trying to like be sort of funny oh no it's like that schmaltzy it's just no so it's not a sitcom no it's a drama drama D no it's a drama yeah straight drama so just you know bring out the tears yeah I don't like that I don't like and I also don't want to watch Hospital shows like shows about medicine or like people dying or cancer and I don't like serial killer stuff you don't know I don't see that [ __ ] cuz I'm convinced like you know what I mean watch it do you think there's a seed and you that might grow know that you'll attract yeah yeah like if I pay if I give us any energy like oh my god yeah you think Roman Polanski's wife attracted Charles Manson I don't know don't let me ask you a couple of cool questions but Sarah Miller's yeah but what I'm saying is is that do you know who they are though yeah so if I say if I say Richard glucans clickin ski Iseman you don't have I know the first name I don't know his moniker where my husband watches all this [ __ ] as I'm falling asleep at night here Oh Ted Bundy yeah of course he was a very attractive very attractive just like Gilbert your thank you Chris you know and educated yeah he represented himself in court Wow Wow I remember knowing that well um it's so funny because the guy that I'm on the show with yeah told me a story about Ted Bundy of his dad what yeah so and III he's told me the story twice oh I know what do you think I can tell her yeah so Oliver dad is Kurt Russell his stepdad his mom's golden right so you're surprisingly normal yeah like I talked to Goldie Hawn on business on FaceTime and she was like the kindest lady ever I had to give them because I it was freaking me out you're really funny I love the same way I can't me yeah I can't because I'm a dirty I'm from The Comedy Store yeah yeah you know even when like big comics show up I kind of just like you know if Chris Rock and Bill burr are talking in the parking lot I'll back away and then go somewhere else I know right what I know you know what's so interesting you say that is because I I've been I just feel like I'm still that dirtbag too so even now as I'm selling like now I'm finally moving tickets and I'm like yeah you happy now almost detach yourself because like when I did Brea I did Brea and it's a 600 seat room right Saturday's solo show that's crazy right and I'm in I'm in the back and I'm going and I see all the people and I'm like [Laughter] freaking out I was like I don't want to do it so when you when you hear your name you kind of almost like you snap out of this like me me me yeah yeah and then you actually just have to do the job of course so you go out there and you're like alright and then you just go into it's like when you've done a TV spot before right yeah the how nerve-wracking is that yeah first time you do well here's the thing though is I have to the thing with comedy me is that I'm I like to fight right and for me those years of like doing those dinner audiences who didn't give a [ __ ] in a mall like those $1500 weeks you're gonna love me after this yeah that thing yeah now that my fists are down I'm kind like oh wait oh okay I guess I have to go into this differently yeah but I'm still angry inside which is good you and I are similar in that way what do you think that is traumas childhood yeah it's that disapproval approval thing you know I was immigrant too my parents are Hungarian and they grew up in communist all that [ __ ] right not getting unconditional love I think that's the secret yeah I got love but I got violence too I don't know exactly what it did to me but I know that some of my behaviors right just in my life is rooted and that's why I won't go to therapy be oh you have to why dying for you to go I know you guys have a number for me I am dying for you to go I did I think it would be bad yeah tell him why I it's just a place to unload and process without the judgement of anyone I mean even though we have partners and people that we love you know they're just sometimes they're not the place you want to put your things on all right cuz you're not qualified yeah you know they're able to help you kind of get through things in a way that none of your friends are gonna be able to do you know make you happier yeah well and honestly I do feel lighter when I walk out right yeah I don't have the greatest therapist he's a chill guy you should probably get the greatest [ __ ] that guy next but you you know what's so funny because you have said I asked you in Tom I know and then a people on my shows have said it like you need to go yeah right because I have issues there too no I'm not I don't act out but there is a thing and they can see that treat myself so poorly like if I mess up on a line you know I mean and like I'm so hard on myself yeah and then like um also when the pressure is there I just I'm disappear what do you mean you disappear you disassociate know what happens is like a table reads all like everyone will sit down the network and everyone will sit down until everyone sat down I don't go in the room because I don't want to have the small talk because once where you sit there and the president of Warner Brothers so is your weekend yeah all right go into a story that like I think I'm a part and it's too much like I know it's weird cuz I got molested by a guy with Down syndrome when I was a kid and you say things as if you're around you know other comedians yes that's my problem is I think I'm a space alien and the other people yeah that's why I'm friends with all comics ya know we all speak the same language and there's no judgement but sometimes we're exposed to the real people yeah do you want to be right we're real people but yeah but then you say something that's gonna like [ __ ] up you know me your relationship with them yeah I don't mean real people like like yeah but like I perceive them to be more together than yeah yeah and it's yeah yeah I said I always say that Tom taught me how to be a person because he kind of taught me how to behave and that's why I love her because with kalila I can go we're gonna go to this party and I know that she is going to be able to handle ourselves sometimes she doesn't want to go well I never want to go but I also will show up yeah this thing about showing up places empty handed yeah I culturally like that's not allowed for being even very like a Filipino and stuff like you just gotta bring your offering and he's like no we can show I haven't seen my face he hadn't seen his family and like gone together in 15 years for Thanksgiving was like you're gonna walk through that door with nothing in your hand because there's a part of me so so gross say I'm gonna see this is the grossest thing I've ever said all right cool but um I told her I go just probably showing it he says his presence alone is a gift I agree because they I know that they don't think cuz since I never show up ever right just by me they don't think I'm coming to San Diego like why would he drive down right so I so in my head I'm like if I walk in the door oh my god he showed up that's huge but then that's very uh you know [ __ ] it no that's all I believe that yeah [ __ ] that's what I believe Bryce yeah yeah you know what you know what you know [ __ ] yeah I drove down there I don't need to you thank you how much do you hate them your family like to you aim them no I have a love for them oh really because the thing is is that my cousins even on both sides more on my mom's side they're some of them are the creatures of the night like I am like we're [ __ ] up which is why we have trouble deciding if we should procreate because there's a lot of violence violence and drug addiction on my side to violence I mean like murders yeah and my mom turned out to be the only sane sibling out of ten the only sane one Wow so nine out of her ten are really [ __ ] off and then like like Mike the cousin that we went to see one of them her mom and my dad don't get they're brother and sister and my dad the last time they saw each other my dad tried to kill her with a with a butter knife yeah so he jumped out I remember him being across the table trying to cut her you know I was like I was maybe 12 well how much of this okay but your your parents are immigrant - yeah my mom yeah and then my dad side he worked for the US government is like some agent of the government so he's got some murderous yeah my mom's is they're all out of their [ __ ] minds or crazy crazy but her dad is white yeah but my dad is a white guy just crazier than all but he was very calm and collected and intelligent and a really kind man right so I think that offset a lot of my mom's insane genetics because most serial killers are right males right like you guys go bonkers how do you think that because it's creativity yeah I really do believe it's creativity what here's what it is is ethnic people we like to do math do it at one time aha mass murder sure like chose some way from Virginia Tech for instance okay he shows up I'm not bragging about hey to him I know but he doesn't a one time called Asian work ethic you know whatever you know but what but but why people when they kill they get creative like I want to see how long yeah right they leave they drop hints see they're the ones that write riddles they do the riddles of the plug yeah and then they also do creative things with the body again again he made lampshades out of um human skin right which Travis that's creative yeah in fact Buffalo Bill oh yeah science labs is drive from Ed Gein so they inspire art love that movie cold you do I've seen that thing maybe 30 times a now same here start to finish - if it's on I have to watch it it's never green movie God my brother a couple of months ago called me because I have he has my itunes account too because you know I thought it was Silence of the Lambs again wow what a great way it really guys well you know because it taps into like a woman's primal fear of like her only worthless couch yeah and she's like I don't want to be rude and say no which is like every woman's dilemma you know like I hate to be perceived as unfriendly and then the next thing you know you're gonna [ __ ] read it the wrong way she went but in all right yeah that's what I'm saying you wouldn't do that happy like go [ __ ] yourself yeah you go thank you you you yeah you're lifting right yeah I'm lifting your couch I have two IV throw and go backwards I have to go backwards I'll be no you're going backwards not doing a deep squat for ya I'm not strong do I look strong yeah I'm not strong and she's a politician's daughter yeah she should know better yeah here's another thing was it racist [Laughter] no just a weird casting right because she looked completely different than fredericka Bumble something like that yeah you know you've seen that movie that lady does so many times yeah yeah I'm pretty I drink it Ben was the first girl who got killed yeah I don't remember but I remember this who doesn't it's my favorite move would he pull you know cuz when she's screaming yeah oh my god mimics her yeah yeah I know and they're just fingernails in the well yeah yeah yeah yeah yes real before we get to that we have a wonderful sponsor [Laughter] what women Brooklyn guys I I've said this before I'll say it again I'll probably say in the future the only sheets that Tom Segura and Christina used the only sheets that kalila Kuhn and Bobby Lee use is Brooklyn and sheathe do you know why that's where kings and queens sleep question but for a low affordable price Wow that the sheets are so satisfying muy delicious yummy muy comprehend or porfavor it's the best it's like I'm sleeping on Angel skin not that I condone skinning an angel but it's like that but it's just like that yeah um it really is the only sheets we use in the house tell them about it our Brooklyn and sheets are the best and most comfortable 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it because I have to do it doesn't he look like a man who ones in here though there's one in here screw the whole thing and I heard it helps prevent credit cards yeah yeah yeah yeah this is for you thanks mommy Wow I hate tell her about your workout yeah what do you do for fitness nothing Michael ate in my blood I'm doing a contest what do you mean I'm just hope I can have the most coagulated blood where it just doesn't move like it just yeah I don't exercise I don't um do anything of a yoga I don't do anything physical yeah yeah when we move okay would you rather you know what an Ironman is right oh my god it wasn't weight you've done I've been teased sprint Iron Man's won when I was 12 and the next when I was 13 but never sprint Ironman so they're a short of a shorter version so what walk me through what that is it was terrible for me my mom forced me into it because I was a swimmer and she thought well you know you'll be ahead of the pack you'll finish first in the swim and then you can just you know race your way home and like that the whole racing thing that's a [ __ ] 4050 mile bike ride wait wait so walk me through it so it's it's 40 to 50 mile bike race so it's I think it's a 50 it's a mile swim okay it's a 40 I think it's a 40 kilometer bike ride and then it's a 10k run which really isn't so bad compared to the real Iron Men which is what double that it I think it's like quadruple that I can say yeah that's [ __ ] but I was 12 and one legged man beat me what my first one I came in my sister and I she did a relay so her team won and I came out it was an international one and her she and I came out fourth and fifth on the swim I mean we were jamming we were out of there we were like woah yeah this is a [ __ ] lead and I got on the bike and I crashed because I didn't I really wasn't the good I had never trained to bike I just always biked around my neighborhood didn't even have the correct road bike and then I am one-legged man race imagine crashing on your bike in the run - he didn't beat me on the bike cause he was specialized made for him in the run I was so exhausted I had never trained for one I was only a swimmer your mom made you my mom was wild I was her racehorse I can't believe your mom didn't kill you after the [ __ ] she did you were my daughter and a one-legged man can beat you I would leave you at the race and I remember there is on channel called like Star Sports and they did a little montage of the Sprint Ironman they were like and one of the most inspirational finishes was that of a 12 year old a split screen with a one-legged guy shooting ball I swear oh yeah I would I would have been drugs right that in there and every Sunday on the local TV you saw me with like my I had my little cornrows because that's how I would compete in yeah and with braces and if I can finish you can do it too every Sunday like [ __ ] public-access TV we have to find that and it was so embarrassing I'm like meet me how are you how are you thinking that's even remotely inspirational Oh what if a no-legged man beat you on his body like a worm man wait did have a prosthetic eye forget he was one of those guys that was so famous because he had just done one of those like 40 40 mile treks across the [ __ ] grand one of those guys the inspirational guy those people don't you hate them why are you doing this I hate like when they don't they can't they're blind and they can play the piano ah right it is it's like listen you know there's something that you I don't have eyes and yet I can do this and they're always grateful they're like well I may not have a gift but I can play the piano by ear my and they have like location like dolphins have you seen that guy that blind guy he just looked and it bounces back on him so he can drive and bicycle life I swear he was on Oprah yeah yes eco cuz you know like in beluga whales and dolphins and certain types of like these ocean mammals they have this thing called a melon and it's it's it's for echolocation I find him please we will he drives blinding I know he doesn't he bicycles Brian if I see a movie like that I root against him like in my left foot when he's painting with I want to see my friends I want I can see it cuz it's a goddamn bummer and I don't want to be bummed it's a bummer well it's an inspirational bummer it's but you know what you know why people love these [ __ ] let me just say the guy that has AIDS and then he goes and cures cancer I can't do in my heart is to it I know I'll tell you why my left foot no just listen yeah yeah is that it's not the [ __ ] the story time it's where you first go oh that's the greatest actor of all time Daniel day-lewis Yeah right so then you watch it because of his performance he's so good in that movie yeah because you didn't know who he was before that right right this is before last Mohicans when he was a star so here's this young actor he had been in he wasn't gone I seen him a couple of things but like you know supporting roles but he you literally thought number one it was what it was diseases he have cerebral palsy right so you think what he has cerebral palsy you know they found a cerebral palsy actor but then when you turns out it's just a regular dude right he's doing he's doing it it's pretty mind-blowing to me I hate yes Rudy I never saw that I never that's a white bummer to isn't that everyone loves it except for me cuz I [ __ ] Rudy now he's just short is that what that what that is about well he's a Visa short um not very athletic persistent kid who wanted to play football for Notre Dame and so he just did everything he could to finally be allowed to play one game how annoying and how annoying and that he ruined the team like did he not oh yes fire the like here's what it in rocky for instance you know when Ivan Drago yes Hills Apollo Creed Apollo 3 yeah yeah you you in the rocky trains to beat this guy that's unbeatable yeah there's suspense I like the Rocky movies like right he goes into a log cabin in the snow yes [ __ ] rad I'm cooling [ __ ] right yeah and at the end of the movie he overcomes this impossible task yeah and it becomes a winner in Rudy okay here's a guy we see his journey yeah he plays the last 10 seconds of a football game okay that's the ending and then they chant Rudy Rudy he doesn't do anything special okay but but he does inspire his team who gives a [ __ ] man make a move until Joey the guy the captain of the team because in every movie there is Rudy we don't see them in the movie you know why they're unimportant in every book if you see even Mission Impossible there are CIA agents there aren't good right but you're saying Rudy should have been the mascot yeah but here's the difference between being an underdog and just being straight-up unqualified like you can be an underdog and work your way to a point of being a success in that team he wasn't that they just passed the ball to him once and he played ten minutes it's just so his dad could be happy that and say his son was on the football roster I'm like you were never supposed to even be here a lot of people just were nice about it yeah he kind of bullied his way in it sounds like like if it was a chick thing right like I imagined myself cuz I was an athlete if there were girls like that were never as good hmm but somehow thought that they were supposed to be and I know that in times I agree no dude I have real athleticism and you work hard I work hard at it and this person thinks that she's allowed on my team no you're not really okay on this tangent I'm getting a lot of hatred on this yeah I don't like fat models here we go this is what this is why you bring Christina here I'll tell you why because I believe that those women who are models they're genetically gifted okay God gives everybody whoever Yahweh Krishna gives you gifts that's their gift to be tall and hot and freakishly skinny and that's the [ __ ] thing and clothes look great on them for whatever reason is it a cultural norm yes so that's great so let that hot chick be hot don't take that away from her and give it to [ __ ] fat bra it doesn't look as good let's be honest and it's not healthy to be overweight it's not a good thing why are we [ __ ] celebrating every [ __ ] University Crawford is stunning yeah you know who Kate Moss's of course right name me one plus-size model because it's special being a model is special yeah stay skinny and they have to stay hot yeah it's not fair you get to eat you know chili dogs and be a supermom no do you think then you know what they're kind of psychologically broken too you know I have a friend well she's in the our friend she's in the porn industry she was like do you know how fit I have to stay that's a good tracker in my life she's like I have to go to this [ __ ] strip club I can't eat this giant bowl of chili whenever the [ __ ] I want to like it's something that's constantly in her mind and that is the price they have to pick a gift and they work hard and it's not easy I've never modeled but I watch America's Next Top candy form burgers no Bobby's favorite my favorite number is a half asian half Swedish male model okay I don't want suck his dick really I would say I see him yeah oh dear god that's a good one Wow let me see he looks like a painting he's kind of like a young Keanu Reeves yeah now let me see something elbert sweater okay you were gonna if you were going to if listen if you were gonna sell menswear right you're a company right that's that's what you have that's right right would you have this guy right right or me right but you know you if I if it was up between him and I and I got the call you got it yeah I just be like up right what the [ __ ] why right now conversely if they want to cast the next sitcom and they need the funniest [ __ ] guy in the room are they gonna call this guy they do they always do the hot guy they always do no they hire you because that's your gift I know some songs where like for instance I don't want to say any names but we have a guy that was on the show who auditioned for a sitcom pilot this guy is one of the funniest dudes mekka Mexican dudes I've ever seen he's young oh yeah the audition for the show and then he I go you got it right and he goes no dude they gave it to the good-looking guy when I know I don't care what this good-looking guy looks like there's no way he's as talented as well no [ __ ] let's put that good-looking guy in [ __ ] Peoria Illinois across from the racecar track next to the black girls strip club yeah for a week and let's see if he can do you know six shows and make people ride or go to Lake Tahoe with Howie nave or whatever his name is right and do 14 shells yeah there's no way that's what's that but that's what not Hollywood doesn't do that Hollywood right just drives me crazy that's right yeah just know B we'd be real damn being real there is a disconnect yeah between what I see let me just say something go ahead want to see that you and Tom or whoever has a Netflix special you're like and I go wow no I go oh it went when I heard Joey Diaz got one yeah yes half-hour so generous go ahead and Netflix really now yeah but there's some times when you go who's this right it's like some guy that's there's no connect just there's a desire you're getting me all fired up get things and it's like whoever the network guy is whatever they approve and then you and then you see guys that are you legitimately deserve it right they have the look they have the ethnicity or whatever they might have but they have it and they never get anything it just drives me [ __ ] crazy but as you know cuz you've been in this business long enough after a while that [ __ ] disappears correct that the blips the people that get stuff that's kind of unmarry very infrequently does it happen where somebody can kind of rise to that and stay there so the cream always rises and all that [ __ ] [ __ ] will go away do you think so all the time a hundred percent yeah it's happened time and time again and that's why somebody like you can work as long as you have but the cream though sometimes isn't right not true who do you know that well we won't say I'm gonna name it name because it's a positive thing go ahead right I believe that Rick Ingram deserves something oh yeah yeah yeah and definitely because I watch him every night and I got I said to myself yeah he's a plain looking white dude who was kind of like slouchy right he has no backbone really he's just no shoulders he's just like he walks around my bones are brittle or whatever right yeah and he's always like how are you pretty good but my daughter or you know me just it's always kind of like a little negative and he was used to be just a riff guy ride he used to be a guy that just you know what do you do for living and then he would do a bit right but now he's working hard to just have an act he's a really funny guy and he may or may not get anything but and there's a probably 50 guys I can name that are like that that I go there because of the time that we live in now where it's like just a plain old white guy right yeah it's gonna be harder yeah going from the white guys right now you know what I am no I know out of very talented people that that are being kind of on the outskirts because they are unfortunately white guys right now yeah it's not like it's it's like if racism reversed and black people were lynching white people right I wouldn't be like you know me yeah finally it'd be like it's a sad thing of course I want everyone to work right I I think that you know throughout showbusiness ethnics like myself we we you know we I mean in the late in the late 90s a be set up a meeting with ICM with me and they looked at me from across the table and said we think you're funny I know and they go we can't sign you because you'll never work Gee's and I go what it's like it's just your type it's you're never gonna work and now look I know my point though is that but that you know so you know I don't like it either way yeah but here's the thing and here's a truth about our business okay I'll have people say to me isn't it great the female comedians are now equal and everything go listen this is not the truth if you look at who's actually generating tickets and who's really working there's like five female acts really yeah the numbers are always the same but the if there's one big female comic they go well there's Amy Schumer yeah and you're like [ __ ] that's one yeah now don't worry about it I know you're worried cuz you're like the white guys are losing control yeah I'm very don't worry the way here's here's the truth I think it's kind of a fad like everything else in our business and the pendulum is gonna come back and all the white guys will have their [ __ ] again that's my prediction you really think that hey man I I don't think so I think well it's gonna level out it's gonna level up right now we're being so there's so much going on in society that the pendulum is all the way on one side in the middle you know and and to be truth be told I think that it had to swing the other side of course change right change it also we've we've done a lot of proving like Wonder Woman number one movie with female female you know crazy rich Asians with the number one loot right and we have to show Hollywood that know your your it was a little skewed in fact if I see a billboard of a show coming out and it's all white people I do mock at it that Irish show with the kids that's on ABC it was a the kids all right yeah that's about an Boston family I get that right but when it's like you know like that show manifest to me they're like all the other ethnics on there I don't know I can't tell it does make me go you know I get weird out of the bottle a little bit well you know what's really fascinating and what Netflix is proven to viewing habits and such is that you don't have to be a white person to watch a white show you don't have to be an Asian person to watch an Asian show like if you look at crazy rich I don't think white people are bi people are like I'm not gonna see that cuz it's all Asian yeah you watch Korean dramas love Korean dramas hello my twenties the roommates the girls and then one of them is kind of like being out yes yes I watch a first couple music gets even nuttier is it good you watched fury I'm sorry Curie's bed and breakfast no but I will let me write that dates it's a reality show it's basically she's something like the Britney Spears of Korea oh and then she and her husband moved to Jeju Island where they have a house and they open up their doors for a bed and breakfast and they have like 16 dogs tell me about this but see this proves my point like the way that television was created is that well we got to make shows geared towards certain demographics the male 13 to whatever 20 year old is going to only watch Tom Green on him to me it's not true yes you've got people watching all kinds of [ __ ] if it's good yeah yeah another great one a good cop Korean cop dramas called live okay it's on Netflix - no no it's live or live why do we know all this stuff cuz it's good yeah it's just good i watch i watch anything in any language yeah but still I mean but I had that defend the Midwest here for a second oh wow in a negative way is that still dumb Americans right will not will not watch anything that has subtitles in it yeah I got honest sometimes I'm too tired to read yeah yeah I can't wait TV right now that's are they we remake things like if it's a like they remade what's that vampire one that I like Let The Right One In oh really what did you see which one did you see the American version or the Swedish one it's all old ass did you see this with a European version yeah I do like a million years yeah yeah they made of white one the American one hand they're worldwide for the bear oh cool they remade La Femme Nikita which was [ __ ] laughs the original one right yes yes they remade it into you know me and an American created the did the departed oh yeah is an Asian movie a infernal affair yeah so they stayed do that a lot so I and and and and it works I mean people go oh boy yeah I've seen good but the remake I ice I heard wasn't very good right yeah what's his name Josh bro Battle Royale oh no never people go it's like anyone listening right now all right I know you guys you sometimes hear you hear me and you like the ruins brothers you guys downloaded that album we have these friends from from England that would did Tiger belly there are a band called ruin brothers two brothers they sound like Roy Orbison they're so good easing but if you want to listen to me right now one of the best movies I've ever it's just it's a great movie it's called Battle Royale the original one there's number they did three movies I think but watch the first one it's so good so good and it was not it was like unlike anything else that came out at the time cuz I remember saying I think it was in the late 90s right yeah it was crazy bloody yeah and it was in what just the premise of it is I guess it it's post it's like future yep Japan not that far like not Blade Runner future but in the and and and and the Japanese youth is out of control yeah so they do a lottery system where is if you're in the bottom of the of the classes that are misbehaving you get thrown to this laundry system where if you if you win it you have to do a reality show called battle royale is basically your class goes on an island and they film it as a show and you and you have to kill each other till one person standing there he's [ __ ] rad do you think a young Bobby Lee would have done oh well you would have been you would have been I wouldn't want I wouldn one of the guy because people died even before they got on the island cuz I'm gonna be the one that's we like no [ __ ] this we're not doing this did you mean that you know I don't I think that if we were on an island right it was the same rules yeah let's be honest with ourselves right now who do you think so us six who would who would be the first to die think you were really sick hide go to the tolls like an arrow wouldn't penetrate you like cuz I'm fat no you haven't Rhino white very like six I think I'm tired like if you scratch him you wouldn't feel anything if I get a wave this heals back up like Wolverine yeah now are you prone to eczema no no he has a perfect baby skin on his back that's my skin maybe we'll do this you guys first do you think the men can overpower us I don't know how strong you are yeah I have really good stamina I think does have a good Simula and I have I feel like I feel like are we trying to kill each other oh yeah so everyone everyone has what kind of weapons do we have okay dude without their rifles will just do hand-to-hand combat what's in this room whatever you can find in this room you get one thing in this room right as you get a pet pencil what the [ __ ] dude dude oh yeah I can make this into a shard of glass a knife you see my size door yeah give me I was taking take one no he's a karate one of the sticks the tripods I think I'll be the first to die if I'm thinking about it I think I would be but I feel like you would I think you're just tired out no I wouldn't you would try to create alliances like however you'd like pull people aside are you trying to get us to fight each other I'll give you more more money for Tiger money give it more percentage are you go you gotta breathe raisa george all separately to say that yeah you get more much money you might be the last to live because you're gonna use your smarts honey have you guys ever seen like a royal rumble in WWE you gotta stay on outer fringes first you can't engage first because then you're just out no matter how strong you are I'm running the opposite direction and when you're the last one living and you're looking after me I will have been well rested somewhere in a cave and then you'll be tired from fighting [ __ ] five people and then I will shank you right in your [ __ ] eyeball you know why Firoz I mean I'm on an island and I'm [ __ ] walking around I see a cave and I walk in the cave and Bryce and kalila in there he has her pen over all wrong it's like me in the middle I'm starting to realize something about you I think you're a true cook I think he always brings up these situations where he finds me having sex with whoever the hell's Enterprise it's always Bryce no it's always what you you've mentioned with him I wouldn't be like Keeling over laughing but also part of that your [ __ ] fantasy is the fact that you do like Bryce a lot oh it is wait a minute does he have like what a guy like yeah I have to have some he has to feel sort of drafted to them interesting how do they have an encounter two or he just watch you feel corner yeah listen Bryce Bryce he does like Bryce in terms of the Tiger belly family so the tiger family family is what eight people is it how many people is it for no we have cameramen too also Bryce turned me on to so many things in life he turned me on to star Vadhu Valley which is a game that I obsessed over I also Bryce doesn't have he's not combative in any kind of verbal is that you try he likes a doormat yeah when you smile I see more gums I love Donald I love to see your gingivitis you're tall you know what you remind me of is what's that painter from v and Rockwell yes very rare to actually meet somebody named Brice very well I know Filipino named Brice yeah but I also know a Filipino name like Archie and all the Greeks Filipinos have great names greatest names on earth weird ones Queen Elizabeth was one of the greatest monarchs great you're right history right and then I have a friend named twinkle that's her government name is twinkle oh my god my cousin's name is chick chick yeah yeah yeah and then my other cousins name is grew up with Polk yeah that's and that's the thing about names that we've forgotten right the fun of it yeah and I think as Americans we should name our kids stuff that you really want it they some miters name is honey that's your government name that's nice though that's my first kid if I had it my way first dilithium crystal I love most big Star Trek fan in fact the first three I would name the second yes really no ten-forward Ward 10 Ford that's where the bars were kind and it works will be both Brooks character I would I'm a big x-men fan so adamantium steel would be one atom for short Adam no adamantium adamantium yeah first name and yeah you don't well adamantium steel is steel that they infused will here's the closet come out Christine up beat it yeah I would name one one real racist really so that when people said his name it wouldn't they wouldn't feel guilty ching chong ching chong hey don't be risen that's his name right child live with that yeah do you guys have great children you think so yes I think I think we need to stop overthinking it and just do it yeah just do it what do you have to give tweets you guys something's going on in show biz this is my show this thing if it doesn't turn out well can we drop it off at your doorstep no oh I got two dogs two babies you don't want to raise the psychotic Asian baby here's the thing because I got cray cray my family I come from a long line of nut bagger E and then Tommy's got his stuff too I do think that nurture can overcome nature and you guys are nice loving people I don't see why you can't make it make it happen just hears they can be so different to my first kid is a wild man like he's Eastern European he's gonna [ __ ] put a brick in it and be a skateboarder and the other ones nice social smiley yeah yeah so two different temperaments twice then you can't just bang bang and do it do it unless the first two so that was the two they're always perfect but just go bang bang just do it it's gonna be a hard few years and then I think it gets better I don't know I think is gonna be great for you I have to tell you know three is my kids three the older one it's [ __ ] rad it gets where it's so much fun especially if you're childish and you like to play yeah yeah and you want to relive the fun parts of childhood yeah it's rad I mean my house now is like Christmas [ __ ] Christmas yeah the whole like Christmas town and all of them girl I did a whole Santa's Village it lights up my tree out like that sounded those are the things that I when I think about wanting kids it's because I want to give them that my Christmas says my dad was always very elaborate he would hire my uncle to pretend to be saying the roof you know like make Cylons @midnight do just the whole thing and it was so fun for me so now I always have this warm always the warm fuzzies around Christmastime he never had Christmas what I thought the Koreans are Christian you know my dad go because I suppose anything like 300 are great we'd ugz Christmas for him I tried to but initially he was very resistant and he didn't know what to do with his body like I would decorate I would I would bring home a massive tree so now we do go and get the tree and we do all that he tries he's trying he's trying to see the good of it yeah but with kids that's a necessary thing you cannot skip out on that know that I mean if I had a kid if honestly if I had a kid I would do everything I can to have the kind of I've given them a childhood that I didn't have that's what that and that's the healing part actually yeah it is it's simultaneous era P before you do it though yeah focus time taste you go like here's all the stuff I never had and then you go oh here's all this stuff I never had so it's kind of like you go oh [ __ ] you get angry and you get sad and that's why that's why everyone's like it's so hard being a parent it's not hard changing diapers it's hard going through that emotional stuff Wow that's what's hard yeah because I don't remember my dad ever like going let's go to the park let's go anywhere yeah like I never really hung out with them yeah you just went to work came home got drunk beat my mom Hungarian so they came from a lot of trauma but the old country the Russians took over yeah my dad drank ate sausage watched you know the ball ignored ya dated lots of women my mom was crazy she was a she's mentally ill so between the two of them it was like wow yeah yeah yeah but when you have a kid you you you heal you do heals yeah that you know cuz that was this is the first pitch the greatest pitch pitched oh yeah you're the big because I I got to Natasha and Moshe yeah and they're kind of Liz's kind of like we love it more than our dogs right or you see like you know Steve Burns daughter Steve Burns daughter is a supermodel she's so pretty so cute and just so and you know and you know and then you look al magicals are like you know that they're smart yeah and cute so I just had this fear that you know I mean but maybe I don't know anyway well your kids are gonna be gorgeous I mean yeah yeah yeah yeah this it's this sign yes what do we do on time we're about over 120 Wow it's a rom-com yeah Wow so at the end of ours we you know we do a thing called unhelpful advice and we get a helpful advice with Bobby kalila Christina hey guys my name is Andre I'm 26 and I'm a french-canadian from Montreal I can't begin to explain how much your podcast has helped me get through rough days at work when all I want to do is quit the show has really helped me keep me sane and on track so thank you so much for all your hard work my question is more for kalila cloud you have said a few times in the podcast you've always reached climax quite easily I had a very hard time reaching an or girl okay Audrey yep I've had a hard time reaching an orgasm alone with toys and with a partner it makes me sad because it used to be so much easier when I was much younger remember it being more pleasurable since then I've always blamed my depression for my lack of ecstasy and sex drive what any tips or tricks for me oh I don't I only know the reverse I know girls who have a hard time initially and then once they find it you know they they they find it they never lose it again they've I mean it sounds more like a sex drive thing it sounds like the word depression that really really takes a toll on all it matter fest itself in so many like physical ways that I think that you should maybe take care of that underlying problem first see a therapist get to that before you try to heal the physical stuff yeah cuz women it's tied to the emotional totally and I think that all I've never had a purely physical experience with sex it even if I'm not if I'm not emotionally or mentally attracted to somebody I don't care about hot oh yes yeah he's just not getting me there sex is in the mind and I yeah that's why you can I can be married and be a yes for like 14 years time I've been together yes you're like oh you you realize like how many dicks can I have in one lifetime even that big a fan of dicks I see a picture of dick I don't I ain't never excite me I've never looked at a dick pic and said wow you know I think that's the recipe men and women like if you just see a picture of vagina is that it is that enough for guys yeah yeah but if you tell me something personal about yourself all of the sudden I'm like oh good that's the difference yeah vulnerability yeah honesty and stuff charisma yeah all that steps away of emotional torture oh you like I'm torn yeah my body's so special he is special you've got you got a lot there's a lot but it's fun ap packages to torture real well yeah how doesn't he makes it up to you right yeah you know he is insane and he is very lazy and he's a very poor listener sounds great but he is he is not a nasty fighter mm-hmm I go for the jugular when he when we fight I always say things that cut deep and he he always matches my career I'm sorry I'm working three here the one thing I steer clear from it one time one time you did because you wouldn't leave the house for three days and go to the idea downstairs you're making a joke I forgot what the joke was see he remembers I do remember right and she said I don't forgot what it was but I remember your - I was that sounds like your career like you were talking about something that was low or thinking something right and I turned to you and I this is years ago and I got don't now that's not do that you know that's you must have really really I think I pissed you off yeah I think it's I would only say something like that if you if your manager is now hounding me because you missed three auditions in there yeah there's only two times you made me mad well you know this lady I don't have any I don't know there's nothing that I can say it's inside you I would say I think Christina's right it's it is we're very mental we're very psychological and it comes to our with just female orgasms are all psychological I think and you need to fix that about you okay or you know I tend to that part before you try to get a shower head and just vigorous it's not gonna come well and also what are your habits right now cuz I know sometimes if you overuse toys or you over you stuff you can desensitize your your vagine - yeah what are you doing like are you you know and if she's on antidepressants I understand that lowers yes right because when I was on an SSRI I could not for the life of me have an orgasm and I shouldn't say that out loud because I don't want to dissuade anyone if you need you know zoloft if you need these SSRIs to go about your day that's great but for me my personal experience was it I could not get there and even when I finally did that one time it was so just not good hmm it was just like oh that's it you know all that work yeah I was terrible so I mean there's a there's a catch there unfortunate she knows how to rub them out yeah that's not the problem she's sailing now it's gone from up to down see I have to look at ways down yeah you should also see a doctor definitely another one oh that's that another one yeah I love you Tiger belly my name is Kobe and I'm 21 years old oh here we can I have no friends I've lived in what did you I lived in three different states since graduating high school and burned every Bridge after leaving H state my best friend lives in Australia and I really spend most of my time alone I find it hard because some days I can barely leave the house because I'm not confident in what I look like I'm super insecure and find small talk really hard I love to curate films but doing doing so alone is difficult and never has fun or fulfilling having like-minded friends and a support system in love and care something I'm really missing in my life do you guys have any ideas where I can start meeting people and become more confident in myself love you guys Coby the thing is is that he reminds me of myself because I think there's something about struggling being you know young and trying to figure it out that there is a thing that I miss about that of the unknown right and when I was how old is he 21 yeah in my early 20s I had one friend and you know and I hardly saw him I had people that I worked with but I never really hung out with and another thing before I did stand-up I couldn't look at people in their eyes if I got pulled over by the cops I couldn't lock eyes with them I would just turn away women and forget about it I could not look at them in the eyes I was petrified so what ended up happening was just I would walk around Pacific Beach in San Diego by myself back in the 90s and just like go to walk there was a coffee shop called Zanzibar Oh mmm that was open 24/7 and at 2:00 in the morning I would sit there and drink espresso and just played chess with like homeless people mm-hmm and I would write poetry I don't sad oh I write like little I had a journal I would write it you know whatever but um and I thought and I was sober too you know it's that was the one thing by going to meetings I could go to meet people you know so that's where I kind of got you know my social you know community say I'd recommend the opposite this guy needs to smoke some weed chill the [ __ ] out meet some people you think yeah yeah yeah help advice but you're saying that you went to meetings and you met people was like no I didn't hang out with them I would go to a meeting and just kind of leave but um but at that time though it it roped me into where at where I'm at now right like without does that sadness without that loneliness for me I would not if I was a good-looking white dude in San Diego and all the things given to me I would not be here but because of the fact that I was little and weird and orange hair long right and just kind of like a lot of zits and just meek you know those that's what drove me to to do stand-up right so I don't know where that's path is gonna but a lot of times it's not a bad thing so you're saying allow the suffering essentially it could inspire you we don't go shoot up a school right all right don't do that ice avoid that do something positive right but let that you know let that be your you know motivator yeah to come out of yourself maybe you'll create something or do something or you'll work hard at something and you overcome it you know but a lot of times your early 20s is you know my favorite book was Catcher in the Rye yeah just a set you know I used to read things like notes from the underground oh my god that's my favorite book right I was very dark too yeah yeah and I think that the depression you've got to go there you got to get weird but you've got to come out of that like you're saying and find a way to be constructive about your suffering because otherwise that's a danger is that you become a [ __ ] loser your whole life right the sufferer yes but make something make the diamond out of that pressure right that nasty but he's asking how to have friends I think is there but you know but can I just say something like you just said no they're right notes of an undergrad was about a guy right in a basement you through that little window right and just these these thoughts Ryan it's like fear and trembling by Kierkegaard I mean I was into that whole thing right because it fed into my depression and my loneliness but in many ways that inner dialogue that I would have looking around being antisocial you know it really helped me drive me into where I'm at now and also may I say that when I would anytime I would be attracted to boys in my 20s it was never that allowed obnoxious now he was always the weird guy in the corner of course emo guy that was kind of cute but also kind of like there's something more there yes and he was usually depressed something wrong with him yeah but those ones I always reached out to those rumors I was fascinated by yeah but I would say for this dude like what you're saying go find something that you enjoy doing and in the enjoying of the doing of the thing you might find other people right sure for instance you found your tribe in comedy so if this guy finds it's an in surfing or whatever the [ __ ] he likes [ __ ] you like yeah dog the people that you will party with in your 20s they're not gonna be your lifelong friends anyhow I don't like most of the people that I party with my twenties I [ __ ] hate it or not I hate be what I mean like I wouldn't just I wouldn't bother catching up with you necessarily well your 20s are a time of growth and expansion and terrifying and they're really hyped up to be this awesome thing and they're [ __ ] I don't think life gets good until your thirties that's where my career started in my thirties yeah I I got MADtv at 29 right so then in my thirties I was on Mad and it was I was young and excited it was exciting and but in my 20s I just see darkness yeah but you know what that was when I struggled but I don't I many times I miss it and also I'm so grateful for it I'll even Drive down like I'll go to silver like I Drive to him some streets and go I remember let that I'll pull a local police soon I got a fight because the use of these be RCS being rice and cheese burritos they were a dollar and I remember we only had a dollar so that we split the BRC down the middle and we got in a fight because one was bigger than the other and when you have two kids you gotta have one split set the other one chooses the person who splits its gonna make it as equal as possible cuz we didn't do that we gotta fistfight different the answer see now I know why you're with this cuz you know like real life is open up an avocado teach the comedian's out of me no yeah can I say something this podcast was really just pleasurable to me it really it really was I know you cancel 19 times but it's fine captain showbiz yeah I let them cancel but my point is is this is that uh I really I honestly like you know your podcast h3r as it sits it feels I know it just feels cool to have a comedy podcast community and we're both stand-ups as well and I just really enjoy you and Tom and I'm really just happy that you showed up and came today it was a strong it felt fun and life in fact um you know it's just difficult to you know sometimes we get guests here and I gotta name any names they have been all great but but there but this one was easy yes yes this one was not on me thinking of like what to say you know a lot of times I struggle with that you know what I like is that you're doing you're doing the wrap-up as I'm here which is kind of neat like usually Tom and I wait for the guests to leave oh do you ever say anything like oh that was a rough hunker yeah yeah not with gesso there clunkers yeah sure but you guys are very free and easy I think cuz you know each other so well and you know how to do this well and and I learned a lot about myself when I was on your show and that huge span of time because you said there's something that resonated me said yeah the bear likes being stroked and that's you're talking about Tom and yeah does that's just what he needs and I said well you know when I offer love to him he doesn't always receive it and then you told me well that's what he needs he doesn't need you know you basically I I I'm starting to realize that when your mom says she offered you love and you couldn't take it I shouldn't take it personally you're just a cook you're built differently now that's not what you need but what does he need do you know what he likes I do yeah yeah he needs second izing talk about me and brutality the bear needs to be poked and prodded to show love that's how you show him would I abandon deltoid de that I died I somewhere close that's it quick I love it well I look forward to you to having many children and if my show gets canceled let me give me an audition at least well let's see if you will pilot go I think you will CBS it's Gracie I'll take a co-star please watch my degenerates degenerates on Netflix your mama's house yeah your mom's house your mom's house the her and Tom it's the strongest ones yeah go ahead my writer that ride-or-die tour I'm doing Philly Philly New York Denver Minneapolis bunch of cities Christina P online you're doing helium in Philly I think so yeah yeah yeah you've been there before no I'm loving it yeah I've never done this great club okay yeah Denver and then Denver Comedy Works how many work downtown downtown the best one right I need the best have you been there yes I love that [ __ ] I was something there it's so good so good Rogen did a special there because it was so good it's so good there yeah there's some a lot of what clubs do you like I love Denver Comedy Works I think that's the best that's my favorite it's one of my favorites now in front in terms of cities Toronto is [ __ ] long and 4.com have you done thankou ver no do you want to know something the Yuk Yuk's the Booker is a sexist person and would never book me because I was a woman for many years so I refuse to do that chain all of the yes I was told when I was a brand new headliner or feature act this guy does not book women so you're never gonna work there the offer to go [ __ ] yourself at the offer I don't know but I don't care [ __ ] them yeah yes so in Toronto when you play theater yeah oh yeah and that wasn't it was a [ __ ] I love it Wow during New York City pretty soon but this will air after that I should not do your Kaka Zana I'm gonna boycott what I yeah anyway give her a round of applause to get your first month of hymns for five dollars go to four hams a comm slash belly thanks to science baldness can be an optional thing now for delicious home-cooked recipes and for free meals got a blue apron dad calm slash belly and for 20% off your best sheets you'll sleep on go to Brooklyn calm and use the promo code tiger belly if you haven't put a giving us a review on iTunes please do that you can follow us on Tiger belly on Instagram on Twitter at the tiger belly and email us any questions or unhelpful advice at the Tiger belly at gmail.com have a good day [Music]

Channel: TigerBelly

Views: 635,160

Keywords: tiger belly, tigerbelly, bobby lee, khalyla, gilbert galon, podcast, khalyla kuhn, tgrbly, all things comedy, your mom's house, christina p, christina pazsitzky, tom segura, degenerates, netflix, stand up, comedy, mother inferior, fart, joe rogan, this is not happening, Joe Rogan Experience #1195 - Christina P, comedy central

Id: WGOGvwQijGI

Length: 101min 23sec (6083 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 13 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/youngtree_]

great episode!! something i took away from having her on the podcast is that YMH has a lot of memes and in jokes and its pretty overwhelming lol #jeans??

[u/Phoenix_Account]

Why did Bobby's manager fly him out to the comedy festival with Segura? I didn't understand that part. Bobby got weird about it. About 10 min in.