Does Depression Cause Manic Spending? | Spendaholics | Only Human

meets 36 year old Kate felt a Sheffield's shopping addict who's spending has gone through the roof and I like them times more like that cook in just two years she's clocked up credit card debts of 27,000 pounds almost double have 14,000 pound take-home salary as an NHS office manager it's like an adrenaline rush I love it I absolutely love it I'm full of it when I'm shopping it's my favorite thing to do Kate's on the fast track to bankruptcy she's not even enjoying the ride I've got absolutely nothing to show for all this debt and that is it's really frightening 36 and I just can't carry on like this but she does Kate just can't stop spending shot pain it makes me feel fantastic I love it absolutely love it she shops every day and she shops every minute of every day [Music] they are divas she needs some professional help lifestyle expert Jay hunt and psychological coach Benjamin fry have just four weeks to slam the brakes on Kate's shopping I'm not gonna lie to you it's a tough budget I mean this is the reality of paying back 27,000 pounds there's something trying to come out of you and you strangle it or something but prising her away from the tears won't be easy things are really bad really out of control if I don't do something now it'll be disastrous [Music] kate is a seasoned spender holic this isn't the first time she's fallen headfirst in debt two years ago she separated from her husband Chris owing a staggering 30,000 pounds on her credit card Chris didn't know to what extent I was in regarding the debt when we split up I think it played a massive part in the marriage breakdown I fell a bit cheated because I don't think I could have done the same to her if you don't tell the person close to you that something's going on that then then he's almost lying by default she kept all the financial records away from me so I had no idea what Kate's debts were Cate split with Chris and started renting selling the house helped wipe out all her debts by 1,000 pounds but in the two years since she's right back where she started with 27,000 pounds worth of debt here we are two years later and I'm just back to square one in the space of two years and I can't believe I've let myself get back in this mess it's make-or-break time I just don't know I've got no house to sell this time I've got enough food to bail me out experts Jay hunt and Benjamin fry have persuaded Kate to leave home for the morning so they can hunt for clues which might explain why she's so much in debt Jay will look for where the money's actually going and Benjamin will search for psychological motives behind Kate's ending I'm sure they're going to discover that I am a compulsive shopper and impulsive which are supposed to bad things to be married together I'm sure that's what they're going to find and they're going to find that I've got far more stuff that I only eat aha very neat kitchen yeah let's go poke in their fridge it doesn't feel like has been a lot of cooking no I know well there's not any meals in there or many things just sort of cook with pop from eggs there's no sort of like basic where's Snooki yeah I think I probably tell two or three times a week and then this weekend we serve often this take aways at weekends nice take away menus I don't think anybody in this house does much cooking I can't cook to save my life well I'm saying I can't cook I'm sure I could cook you know put my mind to it it's just chocolates and crisps and Sarah's this is like what I used to live off as a student yeah it is a bit like immediate sort of food Jay and Benjamin head upstairs and soon realized that Kate and budget are not well acquainted I've got a large collection of makeup I mean a lot of them when he must have gone on that this new your Mac Clinique do you look this has still got the paper in it's hardly been used I mean there's hundreds of pounds worth of stuff in here I don't really use it it's like oh yeah that'll be great when I go out I can try this and I can do this and that'll go with this top just don't go out like this Shopaholic license to spend sort of a joke but yeah but not really really if we're here no I could all this down here aids of shoes shoes impulses oh look she's the same shoes in two colours and she's never really worn them oh my god stuffed Lulu Guinness that's not sheep even I know that do you have one of these at home Jay tell you what a fashion catastrophe fund box should be a damn sight bigger than that given the jet she's got it's like it's all a bit of a joke it's a bit of a joke but it isn't but it isn't a joke is it a look in here they've all got labels on there's lots of things in my wardrobe that I've never once and they're just they're collecting dust label labels it's the Wardrobe of labels it's like she just can't help herself it's really funny because they've all got different sizes I've got 16 18 20 22 over the past couple years ask them was to put two or three stone on and and that's making me feel pretty miserable it's the Wardrobe of somebody who has fluctuating weight and also who I would predict buys things thinking oh if I buy that Oh slim to get into it look at all of these photographs oh yeah that's her and then that's her more recently and then there's one of her now down in the dining room the clues are coming thick and fast aha it's all full of stuff she's either throwing it or maybe it's going to the charity shop but that's quite nice leather jacket weird and as for Kate's financial records found that loads of stuff in there Wow Dorothy Perkins next Merson Spencer look at this Ravel's shoes Debenhams Debenhams shoes debenhams debenhams evans is taking credit cards and just running them to their limit yeah their balance is up to 5,000 rotating credit limits on different cards I think there's a whole load of stuff going on here so I think we should take the whole lot I think lot may thicken statements in hand Jay and Benjamin slip away to do some research [Music] since splitting from her husband shopping has become Kate's number one love every lunchtime and every Saturday she's feeding her passion and fueling her debt takes lies all just light up saying I've got to spend something did I what's been something day no matter what and half of the time I don't really need the things or if I think about it really want them one third of the clothes and makeup Kate buys ends up being given away or thrown away and I often have a bit of a sort out every so often especially with the makeup take that into work and for people I love my makeup bags yes both of our half face is full of hair still and it's it's hard to say no sometimes I often feel charity bags with clothes sometimes things I've never worn just send it off but she was also often throwing charity bags and declutter I feel better for a while and I think right that's it no more now and then I just carry on and so the cycle goes on it's a classic case for our experts they've got just four weeks to reverse Kate's lifetime of financial mismanagement sorting out Kate's finances will mean teaching her some tough lessons Benjamin and Jay have identified her two worst areas of spending they're going round to her house for a graphic illustration come on out I've got something to show you here I come here with me what do you think this is all about oh my god here we have for you 12 big wheelie bins represent every month of the year mm-hmm and in each one is stuffed to the lid with stuff that you throw away every month and you don't just throw away rubbish either actually you throw away some really nice bits and pieces now we've added this up and we come to a figure for each month of four hundred and sixty-six pounds four hundred and sixty-six pounds four hundred and sixty-six pounds every month which when you add it all up comes to five thousand five hundred and ninety two pounds which just kinda looks like oh my god that is the money that you are chucking away in the bin every year you're literally throwing money down the drain so what I'm gonna do is I'm actually gonna ask the bin man to take this money away and incinerate it to show you exactly what you do every year with your unwanted purchases that's all right with you come and take out my trash but the lessons not over yet Oh Jay and Benjamin have got another trick up their sleeve Kate's second worst indulgence is eating out and getting takeaways waiter now do you know how many waiters and waitresses are here today no okay well there's 22 here which represents the 22 times every single month that you eat out did you know it was that much well that much amounts to let me tell you 250 pounds every month on your eating out bill or 3,000 pounds a year Oh disgusting think you spend every month on eating out probably a hundred pounds a month out of the Merc oh really yeah does it upset you to see the amount of money to be confronted with it very much sir I can't believe yeah it worries me I'm ready to change yeah even if it's difficult yeah even if it's difficult yeah to live within her means and start clearing her mountainous debt Kate needs to slash our spending to the absolute minimum so Benjamin and Jay set a budget which does just that do you know how much money you get through in an average week hundred pounds hundred pounds a week this is a non-essential spending yeah I'm not like your rent yeah okay well we've been through your statements and had a look and you might be interested to know that you get through a rather whopping seven hundred and sixteen pounds every single week I can't believe I just cannot believe that what you're actually doing at the moment is spending more than double what you're bringing in are you bit shocked very shocked very shocked how doesn't make you feel sick yeah sick I feel sick yeah well based on the fact that you thought you were spending a hundred pounds awake what do you think you can get away with for seven days fifty fifty pound so if I was to say we reckoned that 40 quid would test you would you be up for giving thattagirl yeah definitely yeah yeah yeah so you're very very positive about giving it a go yeah know what drastic measures need to be done okay that's first left I've seen that I really get the sense that this is a time for no more excuses especially if she's somebody who's had a debt paid it off and then rather frightening Lee she's back where she's begun yet again Kate's faced the shocking truth now it's time to pull the plug on her high voltage spending it's day one of cold turkey and she's off to a good start let's have a look now what we're going here dining out and ordering in takes a huge bite out of Kate's earnings at a cost of three thousand pounds a year tasty treats are definitely off the menu you don't have to do a shop but I make a list wise I'll never remember what to get I'm so not used to this bolstered by a shopping list Kate's braving the virgin territory of her local supermarket but this is a trolley - with a difference today I don't want to be spending any more than 20 25 pounds at the most and I don't think it's going to be very easy I've absolutely never ever had to do anything like this before I've never had to walk around the supermarket and actually think about what I'm buying three four three pounds I absolutely love mango normally I'd buy something like this for one pound fifty six I'm legit no not this week yeah I think I'm gonna get a large love I could always bring some I lost my new organized lifestyle well that's fantastic I think this is a job well done success Kate's managed to get some weekly food bill down to 13 pounds 78 that's 90 pounds less than usual thank you for today the piggy bank can breathe a sigh of relief forty pound Amin Garko spent forty pound in an hour every single thing that I'm buying I'm making sure that I add the oak so I know I'm not going over budget so it's getting a little bit obsessive actually Soho well that's Bo that's a good thing in a way you never know I might end up a save a holic day too and Kate still going strong a confirmed Shopaholic lunch time would usually be reserved for the shopping mouth but this week she's giving it a wide berth and getting her kicks at the flick of a page [Music] come the evening and kate's resolve holds fast instead of late night shopping she decides to opt for a late night in with the ironing not very happy about that because I absolutely hate it it's a double whammy she's spending nothing in the shops and she's saving cash at home normally I would pay someone to do my eye in there but this week but my budget can't take it being on Colter okay so I've got to do it myself [Music] well Kangas for the shots but I'm not going to go because it's gonna just make me want to buy and I think I'm better off staying away and then that probably something about but because for some people they've got so many hobbies and things that they won't think shopping is a chore to some people whereas to me it's something that makes me happy Kate's now five days into cold turkey and so far has managed to resist temptation today's Saturday and she's walking straight into the Lions Den the local shopping precinct but Kate's showing real initiative instead of buying clothes she's looking to return some I've been rooting through my clothes at home found a couple of things that and I bought and don't really want don't really like if I'm being honest I'm gonna do something that's very alien to me and we'll go in there and get it refunded on to my credit card so here goes refund I did see a couple of things that most doesn't me that I would have loved to sorts it for but no I've done it I've come out I've done something that I never usually do so that's good [Music] it's the last day of cold turkey and Kate's determined to come in under budget with only five pounds 93 left of the original 40 pounds and the cupboard scraped bear the cavalry arrived in the shape of sympathetic friends and the free take away this week [ __ ] me I mean usually bit difficult I'm not being six shots there but you know did sort of think about a shopping trip at one point and then sort of thought against it well sounds not the same with me and spend Kate sailed through cold turkey with flying colors by eating in and steering clear of shops she spent just 34 pounds and 7 P of the 40 pounds doled out at the start of the week but the challenge of a long term budget is a scary prospect I feel pleased I've done it pleased that I stuck to budget I definitely I'm gonna need some help though if it's going to be a continued thing because without some help and assistance I want carry on and now I want if cait's to break the cycle of spending it's vital she understands what's turning the wheels I don't know what goes through my mind when I buy these things other than I want them but there's no thinking about it psychological coach Benjamin Frye has arranged to meet Kate to take a closer look at what's behind this constant craving I think it's important to understand that overspending isn't really about greed it's not about acquiring stuff it's actually about a cry for help often there's an underlying emotional reason for the spending the spending itself is like the tip of an iceberg my job is to get under the waterline and find the rest of the iceberg why don't you just tell me a bit about what's been going wrong and if you have an idea why I just do everything sort of opposite to what I should do what would you put under the umbrella of everything eaten he's been dead definitely and I don't understand that this is why this is gonna be so helpful to me because I don't understand why I'm doing there it's just like a a bit like a self-destruct thing I'm out of control yeah it's like well I should shouldn't be doing this but I am our Sadiq sort of attitude so you do have the thought I shouldn't do this you feel rebellious yeah rebellious that's exactly it yeah rebellious Kate believes that it was during the course of her relationship with husband Chris that her spending and eating first slipped out of control with two children from a previous marriage Chris was unwilling to start a new family there's something trying to come out of you and you strangle it with food you strangle it was shopping it's like as if because I can't have what I really won I have other things instead so it's making up for not being a mother possibly if I said to you I had a crystal ball and I knew you would never be a mother how would you I'm devastated because it's something I've always wanted all right Kate connects her overspending to Chris's reluctance to have more children but Benjamin suspects that the roots of her addiction run deeper here's the interesting thing two years ago you took a bold step to claim for you something you've always wanted you were afraid you were running out of time to have which is children since then you've sabotage yourself more heavily than ever before yeah there's Kate says hold on that's enough of you what about me yeah and then there's the other side of Kate that says excuse me you're not getting away with that I'm gonna drag you down till you go back hiding under your rock it suggests there's something about you that perhaps believes you're doomed even that's rude I thought I feel like I don't deserve to be happy you don't believe it I don't know why I don't believe it what do you say that you're prone to depression yeah would you say that you're often depressed no I don't sort of know what for there you go don't be good to yourself you don't deserve it Benjamin thinks it's probably depression that's triggering Kate spending but can't place where it comes from how long have you felt like that for I can't remember I can't remember feeling normal right here I felt guilty forever I can't remember feeling I can't remember a time when I didn't when I woke up and thought like oh I'm okay today mm-hmm I think we need to do something about the source of your guilt might be something that we think about starting the process introducing you to understanding it and introducing you to thinking about what you can do about it and I promise we'll take it easy because it's not easy Kate seems to believe that the source of her depression is her husband Chris's refusal to start family with her I'm not so sure I think that maybe Kate was depressed even as a small child the trouble is at the moment I don't know what the source of that depression is and I really need to find out if I'm going to be able to help her it was really tough even though I expected it to be because there would have been no point otherwise it would have been quite easy to say it to stop but I had to carry on for me because it's this is what I need to unlock uncovering why it helps with this if you've got a reason you could understand why you do something it's not such a big massive issue they were difficult really difficult but it was something that I needed to do with Benjamin beginning to make headway in helping Kate trace the source of her addiction it's time for Jay to draw up a realistic financial plan for the long-term future Jay tries to sugar the pill with a tantalizing glimpse of what a debt-free existence could mean now come and have a look in here this is the show flat and it's a two bit Department the sort of thing that is really aimed at people like you have a look at the master bedroom gorgeous what do you think about that absolutely gorgeous I want to move in oh this is a lovely size as well Jay's hoping that the flat will give Kate the extra motivation to settle her finances quit renting and get back on the property ladder what I want you to do is to really think about this flat every time you're tempted by something very much smaller because if you hadn't built up that dirt you could be living somewhere like this now we've been through everything I'm not going to lie to you it's a tough budget this is where it's really gonna start hitting you clothes and shoes you've been spending 500 pounds in a month now we've cut that down to 30 pounds and I think that's going to be really hard for you isn't it yeah definitely it's gonna be a really difficult area going out and eating out at the moment you're spending 250 pounds now this is going to scare you because that's in at0 beauty products and makeup another big area that you like spending in we're cutting that right back to ten pounds that's what you have been spending 2415 and we've cut it back to one thousand one hundred and sixty it's not an easy budget to stick to as it definitely not with half her monthly income set aside for credit card repayment Kate will be living on a shoestring what it's gonna take is living on this budget for ten years I mean this is the reality of paying about twenty seven thousand pounds yeah but what I think is good about it is that it is doable if you could earn five hundred pounds extra a month your debt would be consolidated in five years I can't believe it I can't but well I can now that we know what I was then dear but I can't but understand how quickly I could have done it again but I tell you K I think you can do this I can't believe I've got myself in this mess again but anyway I can't dwell on that now but now moving forward I think delivering Kate's budget has been a big big shock to her I think she's really willing to try but I do get a sense that there was a sort of small part of her that was praying that Benjamin and I were going to be magicians and have an answer that she just hadn't thought of and make everything okay and what today's made her realize is that whilst we're here with her we're facilitators and can start her on her first bit of her journey but she's the one that's going to have to do a lot of hard work because getting out of debt when your debt is twenty seven thousand pounds is very very hard indeed [Music] I could have cried because how did crash afterwards got myself in the lip I was going to be so miserable it's going to be a miserable existence it's not going to be living it's not going to be having fun oh well living is just gonna be going to wear it and just to try and pair things off in existent and it's just an awful prospect afraid that Kate lacks the emotional strength to sustain her rigid budget jei meets with Benjamin when however I put it on whatever order I put it in there's no disguising the fact that Kate is going to have to stick to a very very strict budget to get this under control there is no give anywhere because it's so serious how her situation is and consciously she seems very keen my only worry is that we need to find a way where she really understands why this has happened so she can stick to it in my first consultation with her we did discover a lot of themes of depression and Guilds oddly enough there's actually no nothing I can really fix this on in her past and I'm a bit stumped actually because it is a bit of a riddle she knows who she is and how she just doesn't know why we don't have that yet I just think if she doesn't understand it what's gonna happen sooner or later is she's gonna go you know what this is too difficult and she's going to end up worse off than she's ever been to give Kate a fighting chance of breaking free and breaking even Benjamin returns to Sheffield for some urgent detective work he believes that depression is the likeliest emotional trigger for her addiction finding its source is proving hard to pin down something's missing from the story from our first meeting I thought maybe I can come and I can ask some people some questions unfortunately your mother's recently been in hospital although she's out now she's fine she's not really up to this sort of thing and nobody in your family really feels able to help me so I've had to think hard about what to do and actually what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna use you as my tool they helped me to unlock this riddle part of the riddle is where do we start where do we look what questions do we ask who do we talk to and I've got a plan today that will help you to tell me what that should all be Kate we've arrived we're at the threshold of a country-house maze which I'm using as a metaphor for the mystery we're trying to unravel what I've done is inside this maze I've placed a various points some boxes inside each box is a question and what we're going to do is you're going to navigate the maze and you're going to collect questions you're trying to find me in the middle of the maze because what you're trying to do is get to the center of your own issues if you never find me then it's clear that you really don't want to get to the bottom of this which is also fine [Music] for Benjamin Kate's journey through the maze symbolizes her confused state of mind the question she'll find along the way are designed to get her thinking deeper they made it fantastic shall we go through these you're obviously anxious to yep okay did someone die yeah okay are there secrets did mum want me mom and dad meet once who was depressed now you feel that these are questions you need to ask your mother and father team hey maybe the best people to talk to yeah do I know the truth and who is hiding what's at this point in your journey we have to ask some questions simply because there's something missing here and I'm getting the impression from you that you also feel it's time to ask some questions yeah I think it's I need to get to the bottom of things so you're gonna have to take these if you feel comfortable to your mum and dad if you feel that's the right thing yeah and that's gonna be my homework for you okay and I am gonna come back and see you again and I'm gonna come and you're gonna tell me what happened what you discovered if anything and how you feel about it all right yeah that's fine okay okay let's get out of here yeah that's a good idea you know the way I really don't know what the answers will be to these questions it may be that there are no answers I hope that what will happen is that this will take Kate closer to the center of her own psychological riddle and that she can get some sense of what went on in the past and how it affected her to make her the way she is in the present I'm glad I've embarked on this journey now although part of me sometimes thinks what you don't know the woman dead a quiet private people and I'm not sure I'm looking forward to this some other questions I was thinking God you know do I really have to ask these but I'm getting there and it's gonna be a long winding path but I'm sure I would get there in the end kate's nearly three weeks into her retail therapy while she waits for the right moment to speak to her parents the reality of life on the harsh new budget has focused her thoughts on earning more money she's in search of a part-time job I'm trying to take on some extra work perhaps some twilight type in for one of the big firms of solicitors in Sheffield or even some catering work think I'm doing quite well with the budget this week no cards no plastic there are things that are in here a loyalty cards I can get points on everything else is cash pure cashed so the motto is at the moment and more money in and as soon as possible despite Kate's best intentions sticking clear of shops is proving a strain I'd normally take in a car to a valet at the local shopping precinct and while I was inside shopping my car would be getting cleaned but today and doing it myself because if I decided to go and do the usual thing it cost me at least 10 pounds I'd obviously rather be shopping but because that's not an option anymore Carly's gonna have to do all of the things that fills my time it stops me shopping I have gone through a range of emotions and a lot of impa's ative but a lot of them negative as well I felt that I thought is this it then is this it for the rest of my life is this what I'm gonna do they count every penny this is a it's just not worth it it's like oh you know what sort of miserable life is this gonna be concerned that Kate's struggling Jay sent round a box of goodies to perk her up dear Kate because I know you'll be tempted to go shopping here's something to help you when you feel the need oh look you dip hmm inside is the untouched and forgotten makeup from Kate's bedroom drawers I could want to open my national public so it's like shopping and getting that little that fix the actual excitement of buying something but not spending any money because it's mine anyway with Kate holding back on meeting her parents Jay presses on with spending cuts tackling the key area of clothes and makeup well on your new budget we're recommending 30 pounds a month for clothes and ten pounds of months for beauty products but I don't think it stops you shopping at all but what it is going to make you do is absolutely focus for the first time on what you need rather than just grabbing stuff because I think what you're shopping for is confidence and so there's a kind of mythological fantasy item somewhere out there that if you buy it is going to make you feel fantastic and it's going to do all these jobs for you and of course you never find it and so the Wardrobe ends up more and more stops with all of these things that seem like they're the ideal thing when you're in the shop and then when you've got them home it's back to reality and nothing ever works would that be a fair summing up I think you've hit the nail on the head there exactly what you've just said just rings true with me totally I think we should get going and look at some stuff that suit suits are like you up for that yeah definitely it's okay what I've done is pulled in some stuff for one of the personal shoppers and I want you to start looking at the window displays and looking at the mannequins in the shops because somebody in that shop would have spent quite a lot of time and effort into putting a whole outfit together on that display and that's what we've got to get you thinking how can I use my money really effectively to get more than one look out of one thing it the other things I want you to start doing start getting rid of some of the stuff that you no longer wear that's in your wardrobe so if there's anything that doesn't fit you today then it's going so get started then Kate normally shuns changing rooms preferring to scoop up armfuls of items to try on at home other like try things on in changing rooms with the horrible lights and the twig looks that are size 6 in the next X cube picked up this is a new experience [Applause] [Music] so you're even smiling you see I'd never dream of buying this what would have put you up color the trick is you've got a dark color hiding the bit you really don't like and then you've got color up here flattering items are the way to go not oversized [Music] Wow look at you in a dress dress I always think dresses are for no nobody bigger than a size 12 so I'm that size I will never wear a dress well one of the reasons why it may be worth us rethinking dresses is because this dress is actually 40 pounds you only got to buy one item having shown Kate that she can turn a corner and turn heads J proceeds to tackle her second problem area makeup so is it the same thing that happens to you when you go out shopping for cosmetics it's the whole fantasy product that's going to make you look beautiful make you feel fantastic all the rest of it that's exactly it and then what happens when it doesn't work it just gets left in the drawer and it never gets used again so what we're going to do now is we're going to use high street products only and get you to stand in front of the mirror and look at Kate the reality of today and hopefully give you a bit of a confidence boost here okay Horace Kate usually spends a giddy 200 pounds of moments on top brand cosmetics Jai's new budget however only allows for 10 pounds she'll have to tighten up when doling out it's okay open your eyes look at this look what do you think come on alright but you know yeah I like my eyes and that lip gloss is gorgeous but it's very foxy yeah now this is for you to keep your little essential kit and that entire lot came to 26 pounds and 32 P which is less than I'd have usually spent on one item this should last you at least a couple of months if not three so on 10 pounds a month you can still buy stuff to make you look great and you don't need to keep buying into all of these fantasy products proof is in the pudding definitely she readily admits that she is a fantasy shopper and I think now we can show her that there are other ways to shop rather than this sort of demented shopper desperately searching for this one thing that's going to give her confidence and make her feel fantastic that never materializes is a big breakthrough what I am hoping is that the more Benjamin does with her and the more her confidence and self-esteem starts to build it's going to make it much easier for her to stop wanting to go shopping for these items that she thinks is going to magically give her self-confidence overnight it's now week four of Kate's financial makeover and she can no longer delay the trip to her parents if she's going to claw her way out of debt Kate needs to understand her depression the likely trigger for so much debt bit nervous because it's obviously not the sort of thing we normally sit down and talk about but I know I've got to do it and I think it's going to help I'm gonna do it and no it's not all about blame but my mom and dad were quite sort of worried that it was something they might have done I didn't really want them to to feel like it were any other fault it wasn't an easy easy thing to do I'm glad I did it but it were nice when it came to an end after Kate's making progress on all fronts she's carried out the groundwork for Benjamin's emotional investigations and she's holding fast to Jay's new budget ditching restaurants and takeaways in favor of home cooking [Music] okay it's not just saving money she's earning more as well I'm doing some extra typing work being given it from a medical student I'm being paid seven pound an hour to do all that ice so that's quite good and I'm estimating it's gonna take me about nine hours in total so that'll be 63 pounds so if I do a good job on this then you never know I might get some more work from you know some more of the students which will be great I mean I can do some right now mmm fantastic but if she's to boost her chances of long-term success Kate needs to unravel the tangled knots of her addiction enlightened by the family chat Kate meets with Benjamin to see if he can pinpoint the source of her depression the emotional engine driving her wayward spending you've been to see your mum and dad oh that's right yeah since I saw you last why don't you just tell me what happened okay well I got m'allister questions the ones that the word so a definite answer to it was did anyone die and my grandma died when I was sort of for an hour five months old and the other one that was quite interesting was was anyone who was depressed well a couple of things came out there me mum's father my granddad had a lot to do with when I was little yeah had really severe bouts of depression he'd had electric shock treatment yeah and he did stabilize your mother's father yeah and I said to my mum would I have known that would I and she said well you used to visit him with me what age were you then 3 hmm my mom had been depressed the year before I was born she'd had a miscarriage she'd been depressed and had quite a bad sort of time Neve wise she'd been on some tranquilizers Librium Librium yeah but then when she found out she was pregnant with me she came off everything so she lost a baby a year before you to depress for you and on Librium which is a very strong antidepressant then immediately comes off it going cold turkey which itself is a kind of chemical rollercoaster yeah has you may have been a bit up and down mmm children are aged a very perceptive and if they feel like somebody's ill somebody suffering somebody's down and a child can internalize a sense of responsibility you know there's a whole pattern here your mother was treated with Librium for depression and her father was treated with electric shock therapy these are two pretty serious interventions and there is a theory that depression or the susceptibility to depression is certainly hereditary yeah so I think to me this extra information is really locking the pieces of this puzzle together do you feel like that yeah do now yeah Ivan talk to you about it then yeah I can see what you saying I can understand I think what we've done is we've started a new way to look at your life and there are things that I hope you go on with I feel a lot clearer mmm I don't feel bogged down with emotion yeah yeah oh yeah yeah it's less tiring I don't away you're free well we now have some new information and I think this really fleshes out Kate's story what's clear to me is that now looking back on it the spending was just the tip of the iceberg and she was using that behavior as medication to treat her underlying sense of depression and guilt now we can see where that comes from and I think this gives Kate the opportunity to understand herself better by understanding it she gets an opportunity to treat it and if she does so I think the spending will automatically fall away as a problem in her life [Music] now that I know why I did what I did and now that Benjamins I lied to me what the patterns and sort of how they put a lot of pieces of the jigsaw will fit into place and I don't fear I feel a lot more relaxed our constantly guilty and it's just such a wasteful emotion tiring pointless I just feel so much better [Music] I know I'd go from rags to return it's four weeks since Kate embarked on her financial makeover and she's in sound shape with a better understanding of the motives behind her urge to spend she's tackling her addiction head-on today she's in town shopping for clothes and adopting a wholly new mindset I'm looking for an outfit that I will do a toy a dual purpose really interview for one of extra jobs that I'm trying to get into get some more money but also for a wedding so I need something that will be versatile this one strikes again the trousers are 25 not very good I did help I'm not used to watching that's why flaps 108 pounds into flats this means project next wonderful journey and I've got attempt to bring focus about 30 pounds near enough covers that I think it would be worth it actually I never normally try things on so this is going to be strange in itself [Music] Kate's not just hell bent on saving she's making a big push to raise her income she's applied for a job at an estate agents and has been called in for an interview I've dressed up in my new outfit I'm gonna go in there and give it my best shot and see if I can get myself an extra job and then some extra money so I can get these debts paid off a bit quicker with shopping no longer the be all and spend all of her life eh spare time is taking some unusual twists and turns it feels a bit sad really to think that they are my sort of passion with shopping but it's true but now okay I'm gonna fill that void one two three that was fantastic I have had so much fun I can't tell you I'm also thinking of joining belly dancing club is there you know might as well put this belly to some use I'm looking at things differently I'm looking at things more realistically I definitely think I've turned a corner four weeks ago 36 year-old Kate felt spending was wild and Unleashed at 27,000 pounds her debts were sky-high and Kate had a stark choice either change her ways or face financial ruin since then lifestyle expert Jay Hunt has led practical tips to tame her spending royal psychological coach Benjamin Fry has shed light on the emotional roots of her addiction to mark the end of Kate's financial overhaul Jay and Benjamin are meeting her for a final catch-up okay we've got to the end of this process you please it's done me good it's done make a lot of good I'm glad I've done it I am really glad at the beginning I thought oh no I wonder whether she thinks that we're magicians and we've got a magic answer that actually you hadn't thought of and there is a moment in the process where you suddenly think I've got to do this one stinker of a budget that yeah you know it'd have been quite easy just to go no I can't do this but as tough as a budget was I think you also found some of the emotional work quite hard I did very much so yeah so the work that we've done has really helped me I feel so much more relaxed now it's done me all good excellent and what of your friends noticed about you what do they say they really impress they can't believe I'm saying things like about things whether it will after see [ __ ] energy out of a budget and things they're all is this you what budget that I'm not going to become a budget ball whoever thought of budget it'd be a word in my vocabulary yeah and how do you cope on those days where you just think oh god I need to pick me up or I want to go to the shops or I want to do that what is it now that stops you in your head it's kicking in that I don't need these things it's really registered that these things aren't gonna make me feel better you seem like a person who feels much less weighed down by yourself yeah I do I've got a lot more clarity and I feel different I feel better about me and I think that's such a good starting point yeah yeah you've started now and you've done the really hard stuff with us yeah and I think you're definitely on the right Road brilliant thank you well done Kate thank you well done thank you for I'm definitely doing this this is there this is I'm never ever for impacts why I was if you'd like to come back here a year but we are very different me talking to you through this camera very different I can guarantee you I am NOT going back

Channel: Only Human

Views: 145,959

Rating: 4.8485875 out of 5

Keywords: only human, only human channel, only human documentary, shopaholics, shopaholics anonymous, shopaholics bbc, shopaholics documentary, shopaholics full episode, shopaholics uk, shopping addiction debt, shopping addiction documentary, shopping addiction full episodes, shopping addiction help, shopping addiction recovery, shopping addiction true life, spendaholics, spendaholics documentary, spendaholics full episodes, spendaholics tv show, spendaholics uk, spendaholics youtube

Id: T9L09SdjL5Y

Length: 55min 59sec (3359 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 19 2020