brooklyn nine-nine moments that have no business being this funny | Comedy Bites

we called you in because your first contact with figures was a disaster why because our smuggling plan backfired and she threatened to kill me yes every single detail of what you just said we need a new plan and at one I need I need to step to her Amy this isn't High School Musical yeah Amy this isn't High School Musical too yeah and it is an High School Musical three senior year all right ladies and gentlemen we are gathered here today to answer an age-old question right what's Amy's deal is she single no we're dating come on the question is who here does the best impression of Captain Raymond Holt you will be judged on voice body language and overall lack of flair everyone will perform the same scenario Captain halt eating a marshmallow for the very first time let the halt off begin what is this glutinous monstrosity before me sugariness is quite sweet that's your whole impression I can hear him doing that looks like a stick a sticky low I don't care for it classical music what's going on here what are you doing Captain hey nothing just eating some marshmallows care for one marshmallow I know it I don't know I'm just I'm just sad well I understand must be very difficult wait are you crying yes thank you for acknowledging my feelings thank you for acknowledging mine we're both great at this here we go I'm bisexual all right I will now field one minute and zero seconds of questions pertaining to this go Amy how long have you known since seventh grade I was watching Saved by the Bell and I thought Zack Morris is hot and then I thought Lisa Turtle also hot the fact that the words Kelly and Kapowski didn't just come out of your mouth is lunacy what made you decide to tell us now Charles found it on the road trip and I was positive he was not going to be able to keep a secret for much longer bye Rosa I mean not bye but bye I mean see ya I mean have fun only having sex with men just banging dudes left and right I just stopped saying bye all together so are you seeing anyone now yeah her name's Tiffany are you lying about her name so we won't look her up yes I am next do you know Anne Heche I do oh I must say this is going considerably better than when I came out to my colleagues they were not as the kids say awake do you mean woke I didn't mean woke but it's grammatically incoherent okay we have time for one more question no no absolutely not we're done smart it was not tasteful there's something I'd like to show you captain Terry crushed it it works I've never been more proud of you for anything in your life I mean I've solved a lot of cases for you and yet crime has continued what are you trying to tell us is this some kind of a clue draw better we have no idea what this is I think it's a cookie it's no it's a pizza it's a cookie pizza another case sold no detectives sweet let them go the math thing isn't the problem night shift's keeping you and Kevin apart you two just need a bone what did you say I said you two need a bone oh Dare You detective Diaz I am your Superior officer phone what happens in my bedroom detective is none of your business boom don't ever speak to me like that again [Music] problem solved yeah [Music] um I just wanted to thank you for all your help yesterday I didn't do much it was nothing good day very busy get back to work what are you having there a balloon arch oh my God Captain she is magnificent Vindication well it was good to see you Caleb send me that info wow he's leaving our plan worked we saved our own honeymoon and fun bonus we cheered up halt yes yes okay it's time to celebrate you know what that means this bee needs a c in her a oh my God this babe needs a coconut in her arms Oh I thought you were saying this music oh my God that was my reaction all right I'll go get us a couple of coconuts so again your Alibi is a mysterious stranger handed you the gun made you put your prints on it robbed the store and then hid the gun in your underpants Well yeah if you say it like that it don't sound believable oh hey Captain did you get my report on the Findlay murder oh yeah looked it over nice work good thanks Dad why is everyone staring at me he just called Captain hold dad he said thanks Dad what no I didn't I said thanks man do you see me as a father figure Peralta no if anything I see you is a bother figure because you're always bothering me hey show your father some respect I didn't call him Dad no no no no Jacob I take it as a compliment it's not a big deal I called Vivian mom once and she's my fiance guys jump on that Boyle has psychosexual issues old news but you calling Hulk Daddy hey Daddy is not on the table here but you did call him dead dude you shut up you've done nothing but lie since you got here all right all right I was lying about the holdup but the dad thing that happened he admitted that his Alibi was a lie it was a trap all part of my crazy devious plan I believe you thank you son you want to talk about it later over a game of catch I'd like that I started seeing a fertility doctor and she has me taking hormones to help with ovulation and my emotions aren't overdrive well I know just the thing to cheer you up watch is dead Bagel bago bago good news is our evaluation will be done by deputy chief Brandt we have a good rapport he was once my captain so he's kind of like our grand captain that is amazingly funny and that's your loophole I don't believe in loopholes what loopholes are the best remember that time when Pancake Palace had that all you can eat deal but they didn't set a time limit I ate pancakes for a week for 3.99 all I had to do was sleep there and never shower what thanks for the invite friend I will not be using a loop over Alta as always I'll be using the main hole or no hole I choose no hole he just said hole way too much sir and that's coming from Charles yes that's concerning oh you think you know someone Jake unbelievable give me that finger I'm gonna peppers for you pepper spray me I will Pepper Spray you hmm oh God crap crap crap crap Captain it's okay there's nothing to be embarrassed about I'm not embarrassed and I wasn't mugged three men tried to mug me but I fought them off injuring two of them wait so you heroically fought off three guys and that put you in a bad mood if I did that I would literally write a song about myself it would be like Jake the hero abs of steel why would you keep this for me and why would you lie about going to fencing because he couldn't go because he's injured I wasn't injured I was lightly stabbed I'm sorry you were stabbed lightly stabbed we're gonna pull this off we need to teach you how to move talk and act exactly like Kevin in other words we have ourselves a Pygmalion situation exactly a big mailman situation right it'll be okay well it'll be okay let's get started yes yes I heard it's getting worse spot on Kevin look Raymond a yellow crested warbler a craymond a yellow crested warbler no you're too excited the warbler is a common bird and then I said which metamorphosis Kafka or Ovid so that's the joke no you tell it oh okay so a professor walks into a rare books collection no you've ruined it now it's not funny look Raymond a yellow crested warbler look Raymond a yellow crested word not excited enough they may be common but they're still Burr the 92nd Street by had a wonderful Symposium on just that topic that's it you're getting it oh don't say cool instead say indeed oh indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed that's weird look Raymond a yellow crested warbler yes that's the right level of excitement for such a bird you've captured the essence of Kevin you've done it correction I've accomplished it indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed it's growing on me all right fill me in tell me everything I missed won't take long only three things happened Terry chipped his tooth and had a list for a week listen up Steven something amusing you answer me you done number two Santiago and Boyle wore the same outfit to work one day [Music] how does it look better on you and Captain banned headphones from the office due to the Gina incident [Music]

Channel: Comedy Bites

Views: 2,387,168

Keywords: Comedy Bites, and yet crime has continued b99, b99 funny, bagel scene b99, bone scene brooklyn 99, brooklyn nine-nine funny moments, caleb the cannibal brooklyn 99, captain holt balloon arch, captain holt bone, holt and rosa crying, jake becomes kevin, jake becomes kevin b99, that is amazingly funny captain holt, they were not awake b99, vindication brooklyn 99, wuntch is dead bagel

Id: L7wCy1IOwOw

Length: 9min 47sec (587 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 14 2022