best of the briefing room | Brooklyn Nine-Nine | Comedy Bites

ladies and gentlemen today is the greatest day of my life guests who just got murdered guys I have a great idea for a prank before Holt comes in I'm gonna put ink on the podium where he puts his hands I don't think he'll fall for that I did how I haven't even opened this yet I guess it's unrelated Captain hold hates pranks this is gonna backfire man ugh fine I'll tone it down I'll move his Podium a foot to the left what he'll be so angry okay five inches five three three one one all right I'll move it a half inch fine it's your funeral oh my God worst prank ever so stupid Hulk's not even gonna notice good morning you guys it the podium is [Laughter] you're crazy how did you pull this off what's this meeting about did someone find my meatball sub hey we would never have a meeting about that b you are holding it oh I mean you can turn meeting's not over dummy Terry said he has some news from the office of commissioner lunch what is that human blister one now does she intend to demote me even further or perhaps she'll transfer me to the swamps of New Jersey so I can Patrol the sinkhole where she was spawned or it's possible the announcement has nothing to do with you okay thank you you're right maybe Madeline wants to inform us all that she's a juicing a what a choosen a Korean toilet ghost lives in an outhouse wraps her hair around your throat and chokes you to death while you move your balance you know what I will give you six thousand dollars if the announcement is she's at chukson okay everyone I have some news so Madeline watch is a Korean toilet ghost boring we already knew that Madeline lunch is dead say what now wait lunch is dead yeah the commissioner's office just notified us no way that's true as once says when she sees deodorant I'm not buying it sir she's dead oh Terry zombies can't die this is some sort of scam if she were dead we would be hearing the sounds of children singing in the streets I don't know sure you didn't believe it when we told you the Disco Strangler died either and I was right it was faking it maybe she's alive why would once fake her own death same reason she visits Mexico once a year and sucks the blood from all the goats for kicks look I don't know what to tell you but she's dead but what do you want to open up her coffin and check for yourself oh she's very dead Peralta where are we with the black cab hold UPS well I got this Jackie oh all right have at it man nice jeans Boyle those are surprisingly low-waisted nice up here Gina I'm more than just a piece of ass not bad not bad an unlicensed cab driver has been picking up tourists driver takes the vix Down Under the BQE robs my gum Point leaves him stranded unfortunately because they're tourists and our perp is not Caucasian we don't have a clear idea of what he looks like he was either Latino Arab or Mexican either way very Muslim we'll go undercover dress is Out of Towners hope the prayer picks us up don't worry Sarge let me know this guy I can't believe I was just briefly attracted to Boyle adult parties Sergeant I believe they're called orgies no look five I met my wife at norgy well she was leaving in orgy and we bumped into each other on the street real meat cute thank you for exhibiting exactly why this meeting is necessary everyone here needs some instruction on interacting with grown-ups Sergeant why am I here I'm always incredibly appropriate in high school I was voted most appropriate ooh self burn those are rare I shouldn't be here either I'm fine at parties I just stand in the middle of the room and don't say anything hear the rules no staring at your phones no rolling in two hours late no sweatpants no jeans and no shorts what about dress-up shorts for instance the kind Jen Aniston I wear no those are still shorts no shorts and everyone bring a bottle of wine why are there so many rules I mean next thing you're gonna say is we can't be late yeah that's like the first thing I said okay quick update on the Warren Street break in security cameras caught a picture of the suspect and guess what that's right we got a hot purple alert handsome man oh I'd like to bring that guy to Justice we all would but unfortunately police cornered him and he shot himself in the face hi thank you for that shockingly dark update anything else uh yes something I'd like to say a pretty private person so this is kind of hard for me but here we go I'm bisexual all right I will now field one minute and zero seconds of questions pertaining to this go Amy how long have you known it's in seventh grade I was watching Saved by the Bell and I thought Zack Morris is hot and then I thought Lisa Turtle also hot the fact that the words Kelly and capacity didn't just come out of your mouth is lunacy what made you decide to tell us now Charles found out on the road trip and I was positive he was not going to be able to keep a secret for much longer bye Rosa I mean not bye but bye I mean see ya I mean have fun only having sex with men just being a dudes left and right I just stopped saying bye all together so are you seeing anyone now yeah her name's Tiffany are you lying about her name so we won't look her up yes I am next do you know Anne Heche I do oh I must say this is going considerably better than when I came out to my colleagues they were not as the kids say awake do you mean woke I didn't mean woke but it's grammatically incoherent okay we have time for one more question no no absolutely not we're done smart it was not tasteful and I believe that's all I've got oh wait it's one more thing Peralta gave me a note before the meeting ugh the penmanship is horrid but I think it says ask if anyone has an anilment it's announcements and we do wow what an entrance Amy and I have some big news to share I'm pregnant we're pregnant what the hell I thought you guys would be more excited than that Charles you didn't even faint I'm so sorry I'll try it's not working somebody choked me on it Rosa sorry we're so happy for you but we also may be kinda already knew I mean you didn't do the best job of hiding it why have you been carrying that box around so much I just love this box why are you reading that newspaper it's two days old I just love this issue hey why are you wearing that hazmat suit I just love this look okay fine so you all knew we were pregnant good for you but I bet you didn't figure out that we're having twins no not really it's one baby I just needed to see Charles Spain but I got a beam to boil too Santiago always tries to finish my sentences and frequently gets it wrong I do not and I am not wrong you do it all the time no I was going to say all the day long see frequently wrong I dog sat for Scully and he never thanked me Kelly was a real handful wait I'm confused again Kelly was a dog and we're two killers you'd know that if you'd ever listened to my podcast okay dude just relax don't tell us to relax just because you're too nice to have any pet peeves oh Terry's got peeves Terry hates the way you always make mouth noises when you eat meow meow I'm Rosa I'm eating a croissant how's this for a mouth noise you suck no you suck as do you as do you and you I'm here I'm here you can start the meeting now the meeting is over you're late you missed roll call and the tutorial on using the new copier six years and no matter how hard I try I still can't get you to understand The Importance of Being punctual maybe you should just give up and accept me for who I am no I will break you right now while you were out being tardy I was hard at work devising a special punishment I've crafted an intricate personal high five with everyone in this office except you what but you hate high fives yes every minute of it was hell but it'll be worse for you Squad dismissed goodbye DS [Music] goodbye much that's the butt bump goodbye Santiago double fist bump reverse explosion into a Pete Townsend strum all right that was terrible but it's over now and I made it through goodbye Leonard from Xerox what no no the copy guys

Channel: Comedy Bites

Views: 1,156,975

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Id: BXWb7GCd1b0

Length: 8min 21sec (501 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 06 2022