Bill Burr - McDonald's, Dirigir Bêbado e Solidão - Legendado Br (Walk Your Way Out)

McDonagh see McDonald's exists for two reasons okay it's for drunk people and it's for children all right that's what this thing is you know you're in your car your kids won't shut the hell up you go to the drive-thru you go to the drive-thru you get a couple of Poisson burgers you throw it down their throats they're little systems can't handle it they start it's not not not and you're up front you're bigger you can handle a bigger dose of poison you know to me pop in your death leopard cassette you have a little moment for yourself yeah that's what it's for so your kids and it's for drunk people like how many times have you driven out to a bar going I'm just gonna have one all of a sudden you had like 11 right and you're hammered and you're thinking but you know what you're responsible you're drunk but you're responsible like god damn it I drove my car here tonight god damn it I'm driving it off all right I'm not gonna burden this place of business by taking up a parking space in this completely empty parking lot for the next six hours I am not advocating drinking and driving but I will tell you there's nothing better than when all your friends and family know you're hammered there's nothing better than that walk to the car it's incredible women are screaming people tearing at your clothes you feel like you're in the Beatles I'm sorry I have to go get him off me hey you kids you get in the car everybody's screaming in the [ __ ] car your father had a car eight years I know I can almost see my house he's getting the [ __ ] car you're gonna make the cops come get in the [ __ ] car I swear to God just get in the [ __ ] car Oh take your seatbelt off you [ __ ] Mary I'm going right down the street all right and then what happens you get out on the road you realize you're way more hammered than you thought who was always there for you McDonald's with the drive-through the 24-hour drive-through you could just pull in and hide in plain sight right and that a little sad traffic jam of divorcees shut-ins people who go to comic-con right you just pull in and just stop you can take a little nap it's like damn thank you thank you all right you pull around that's what it was all about an alibi certain they're the reason this country's out of shake you know they've had McDonald's my whole life people weren't this [ __ ] fat right it's not their fault you can't pin it on him but McDonald's [ __ ] up they [ __ ] up cuz they gave him too out of shape people and they said alright fine fine it's our fault we'll start making salads and then they got on their heels they got on their heels everybody sensed it and now look at him okay four or five years later now they gotta make they gotta make breakfast all day right because you know what happened all the pothead showed up going well hey man if you're going to make him a salad like like what if I want like a breakfast thingy and it's like it's not breakfast like you're gonna hook him up but you're not gonna hook me up that's that's like food racism or something man I sort of stick they fine we'll start maybe we'll make the breakfast they just completely lost that way I swear to God do it if I was running in that corporation this is what I would do you know what I would do I bring that clown back right I bring the clown back okay and I just have that thing just look right down the barrel of the camera have a little bit of dry ice in the background you just come right in tight on his face and just looks right in the camera and just goes look you can't get you fat ass down here by 10:30 in the morning you're getting a burger all right the clown ain't finished I'm not making pancakes at 3 o'clock in the afternoon cuz you didn't blow all night with your friends and you just getting your [ __ ] together alright make no mistake this is a burger joint it's always been a burger joint we did that breakfast thing as a favor you know we're just trying to freak out uh-huh oh we're doing it too we're doing it too your own mother won't make you pancakes at 3 o'clock in the afternoon ok so get your fat ass or your drugged-up ass down here before 10:30 we decide it's our place we tell you what the [ __ ] would make it alright that's it he pushes a kid on a swing something nice so anyways by the time this special comes out another collection will have come and gone it's just God knows who we picked and it's another one they're not gonna [ __ ] talk about anything the oceans are dying they just said the Great Barrier Reef is dead you know genetically altered food there's too many [ __ ] people I don't even know what they're just talking about a bunch of [ __ ] you know Bruce has to drop a deuce where is he gonna go which bathroom should this guy it's like I don't give a [ __ ] this guy has enough money that literally have a porta potti rickshaw running behind him how are you gonna eliminate a couple billion [ __ ] people you never think about that [ __ ] you know they never talk to us about it you know they talk about it behind closed doors right bunch of creepy dudes all sitting around some giant table right they probably talk about it then just sitting down after Lee I trust everyone had their fun let's get down to the task at hand there are over 7.5 billion people on the planet we're running out of fresh water there'll be enough chicken to see the others is anyone here any have any suggestions on how to eliminate the pressures of the undesirables is you number 4 you may speak well you know what uh what if we like slowly cooked him at the airport you know you know just throwing it out there like what if you had like a revolving door or looking thing you made them take their shoes off they got it and they they stood up like that and you just radiate them from head to toe once on the way out once on the way back oh yes yes I like that I like the sound of that and how would that work would you have it on low at first see them like a tuna steak they don't understand you let the children go we'll use them for slaves later right know old people they'll die soon just people in the prime of their life and gradually over the years you increase it increase it they sell frothing at the mouth they don't recognize the children the property comes back to us oh I trust everyone at this table flies private do my wife fix him on in my mind cuz I think [ __ ] like that but I think I'm right dude I know they think about it I know they think about it because I think about it every time I land in a city and it's 2 o'clock in the afternoon I'm just driving down the street I see all these them in a middle of a [ __ ] traffic jam that inner Mussolini comes out of me right I put her all these people doing in my road they must be eliminated I don't know like how do you not [ __ ] bring it up is cuz it would freak everybody out you know that you have to start maybe taking some measures to start thinning out the herd you feel like you feel that creepy bill you that's right that's right yeah and what do you think do you think you're gonna you think you're in the [ __ ] upper tier you're in the you're in the luxury boxes yeah you spend a lot of time with yourself you you're doing a lot of Nod not i like what i think i like what i think a lot well I think it's the way it should be I understand what that's like I live this [ __ ] isolated life man I go on the road I'm in green rooms and I just [ __ ] you know I'm just by myself all the time you slowly go [ __ ] crazy I did a gig recently I was in Ireland and I was in the green room by myself and I went to turn on the light it was one of those pull switches and it wound up around itself looked like a little noose and I immediately just thought what if I just stuck my head in there and just and just turn the lights out literally and figuratively was not thinking about killing myself at all the second I thought oh and if I just [ __ ] did that and then I looked in the mirror I caught my eye and we both laughed at this wonderful little moment with myself no words needed

Channel: dan

Views: 4,042,110

Rating: 4.8168898 out of 5

Keywords: bill burr, bill, burr, walk, your, way, out, donald, donalds, bebado, drunk, bêbado, dirigir, drive, driver, lonely, legendado, pt, br, driving, loneliness, walk your way out, mc

Id: XsQxZmnT40w

Length: 9min 28sec (568 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 16 2019