Bill Burr's Issues With The Airline Boarding Process | CONAN on TBS

madison square guard i mean things have just gone so well for you it's exciting yeah these these tours you're doing are so popular the latest one the tour is called 50. yes sir you uh you are 50 are you are you feeling different right now is it 50 yeah no i turned 50 and i just decided to call to tour that i'm kind of going the opposite of all the people who do like the botox and the hair plugs and trying to look 22 for the rest of their life right you know when they really just you know they they don't look good yeah you know you're saying why don't fake it just embrace it embrace make your eyes water when you look at them my wife's always watching like those real housewives and stuff and they just look exhausted they're like in there you know it always reminds me of remember when brett favre played on the vikings yeah it was just like just retire dude you're in the hall of fame yeah yeah it's over and those women it's like yeah you had your time you were beautiful and it's over some people groan you don't remember when you were a kid you went to the club and there was that older person hanging out that creep yeah that's what you're doing that's what you're doing 50 is not the new 40. it's 50. all right i have to go see doctors yeah i have to have blood taken so i feel i feel young physically but mentally like when i watch tv it makes me feel old what makes you feel old about watching tv ah this well music there's no guitar solos anymore and then for some reason with all this technology millennials if you take a full water bottle and you flip it in the air and it lands upright they run out of the room like they just saw a witch everybody's like oh they just they just take off it's like really you had virtual reality glasses on you're playing all these video games and all somebody has to do i mean that's like a game like tom sawyer would have played so it's stuff like that that i'm just like i'm not i'm not ridiculing it it's just like wow i can't relate to this you can't relate to it yeah you know your show f is for family i relate to it because it's about parenting in the 70s and that's you know that was when i was parented like you what do you think of parents now how do you compare them to parents in the 70s oh it's just completely the kids have so much power it's like ridiculous like half of these kids i'm like i look and i just have what happened to me and i'm like looking at a kid and be like this kid's about me to get punted across the grocery store and it just never happens right they just they just don't get hit and i think it's hurting you you're a man wait a minute it's not like he's got this you're mad that children are not being uh this should be the threat of it half of it it was just that look it was just your dad was acting like he was gonna do it he never did it but your mother did and because because she was still because she was a woman it was like okay because it was like hey you let a girl beat you up you kind of felt emasculated yeah we had a ruling like i actually a lot of the stuff that i look at from when i was a kid that actually kind of made sense in a way is now would now be considered like abuse i guess like when i was a kid if you didn't finish your supper as we called it supper yeah yeah my mother was just like well you're gonna finish she would just wrap it in cellophane and you just picked up where you left off for breakfast like like a blue-collar job like you take the shovel out of the hole and just start digging it again so yeah i remember one night we had cube steaks which is like one of the toughest pieces of meat i don't know if you guys everything's so like asian infused wagyu beef everybody's eating that crap now but cube's steak was like they had literally had to hit it with a hammer to make it like edible and uh so we were having cube steaks and i figured my little brother was still in a high chair and he couldn't finish his so my mother goes all right we're just gonna have to eat it for breakfast and that was like eight hours away which was like half his life so he's like all right i'll take that deal so the next morning we remember we were having waffles my mother always made sunday breakfast so we had all these waffles eggs bacon this whole layout my brother was looking at half-eaten cube steaks and a little mound of green bean casserole and he goes so he looked at my mom and goes mom can i have a waffle and she goes no you got to finish your supper he's like well after i finish my wolf supper then can i have a waffle she goes no that is your breakfast and he goes oh mom i hate you and my dad without looking up took a full glass of milk and threw it in his face swear to god this is what kills me we're killing everyone today to have as miserable a childhood as you had no but it was kind of funny i just we know what's hilarious was my mother just popped up and just immediately started cleaning up and my dad just kept eating like he didn't like like the rolls were defined back then now the guy has to throw the milk he has to clean it up while telling his wife she's brave for just sitting there like whatever that is that you hear it oh oh i know women are so overrated right we went through tonight what we went we went from not listening to them to now it's just it's just you know it's just it's it's ridiculous like that believe women it's like all of them how about how about 85 i'll give you 87 all right but that last 13 that keys your car lights your on fire and puts a family pet in a in a pot of stew who put a pen and a pot of stew glenn clothes that's yeah okay all right i think it was a separate you know what i miss i miss yeah tougher parenting and evidence those are the things that i missed from my childhood evidence yeah you mean due process right somebody says something happened and then someone else goes well i said it happened this way like the old gumshoe shows then they had to figure it out right yeah that doesn't exist now on on social media it's right so it's just frontier justice right you feel how nervous everybody just got in here the fact that i just suggested that there should be due process this guy's talking crazy man did he just join isis [Applause] that they agreed but they were they didn't agree when it counted we cannot we'll digitally add wu's don't worry uh we have the woo machine uh you are way too angry 50 is still relatively young you're you have the anger of a 110 year old man all these telephones i i can't argue you can't argue i can't argue that you know in the last segment you're you know you're there's a lot you get worked up about you know and you've always been that way i've known you a long time you get worked up about stuff you're getting happy when he was four he was like things were better when i was three world's now the hay days are my twos guilty as charged yeah oh so here's the thing here's the thing are you now that you're playing madison square garden you've got all these fans you're extremely successful uh comedian are you able to enjoy your success now are you able to just have some fun with the fact that you're a success yes yes i enjoy it but i still you know the bane of my existence is i let little things bother me downloading new operating systems will just you know i bring a lot of tension into the house according to my wife yeah yeah one thing i've noticed we're always working on me you know like my wife is evidently some completed work like under museum glass and i'm like that building that has scaffolding around it for like seven years no she is she's a saint for putting up with me i i know but like my latest thing that's driving me nuts is i spent 20 years in the back of the plane getting treated like an animal and i finally worked my way up to the front of the plane group one which means you get to board like it's your plane right right you get to board yes yeah you sit in a chair that's the size for a human being there's a place for your bag yep yep right you get a little hot towel and all and then the second i get that all of a sudden now there's like these 20 groups that are like pre-boarding now like half the plane qualifies and they're getting on and i just sit there just like losing my you know it starts off like it's just like anybody in uniform anybody in the military so it's like all right all right but after like the 20th guy you just start being like have you seen action it's anybody anybody with kids anybody with disabilities and then just anybody with a red shirt hey it's it's tony tuesday anybody named anthony can get on dude i sat one time i saw this guy get on the plane okay he wasn't in uniform he didn't have kids he had all his limbs he wasn't limping he didn't have a cough he just walked on the plane it's like who the is that guy how did i get on before that guy so no i always hated the anxiety of being in the back of the plane i just remember like the worst is whenever you would get your seat and you'd sit there and about ready to close the door and you'd have that empty seat next to you like the poor man's first class you're like oh i'll bring the armrest up i can actually just be great and then all of a sudden some fat bastard gets on the black rock and you're like no no you literally you're like quint at the end of jaws like sliding on i swear to god this is all true this dude got on he was so fat he was sitting next to me i was literally next to him and behind him he's like tried to make himself smaller and he like folded his arm and his lat came out like like a you know those old western saloon things [Laughter] so yeah so yeah that that motivates you to try to get you all these years 20 years you work your way up to the front and now still they won't let you uh now that fat guy's considered disabled because he can't stop eating so he gets on look at me groaning 90 of the world is starving to death that guy eat a salad and get on the treadmill like the rest of us we're all working out what is the problem [Applause] well okay what could you do could you do anything then could you get on the plane is there anything you could do i imagine there's something that i could be doing there's always something that i could be doing that's what i've learned being married you know well you should have done it this way i'm sorry that that's something so i'm your wife right now yeah that was just playing in the loop uh what am i doing now you know this is the thing you know what it kills me it's just like if i could just fix my temper my wife she'd have nothing on me yeah she got nothing on me i work my ass off and make a great living i like doing the dishes i'm a great dad all she has on me is just it's just i don't know like oh my overall vibe that's it wait all she has on you is my it's your overall personality and vibe you know what kills me i was this guy the essence of who you are is the only thing yeah but i was this guy when she met me yeah she's acting like i changed i was always flipping up were you flipping out the day like when you met did you flip out did you really that is i remember she told me to go see that movie monster remember that movie with charlize theron yeah yeah yeah and everybody was saying how uh oh my god it was unbelievable like they literally blamed guys that she was a serial killer yeah you know what i mean like when you saw the jeffrey dahmer movie it wasn't like ah somebody shoved the tuna fish sandwich up my ass and i confused people with food so i like did he make like a big excuse for him you know she was a psycho killing people and she should have died but i'm like watching it feeling guilt do they ever take responsibility for their actions even when they're murdering people it's somehow our fault it's it's unreal [Applause] why would having a tuna fish sandwich shoved up your butt make you want to eat people because another man did it right so it's another person so you equate it i don't know sex with food i figured i forget how the idea went but i know is she laughed when i said it she was dying laughing and kind of saw my point and um i always hate when she says to me she'd just be like you know i just don't see where is that coming from where is that coming from it says like honey how many childhood stories do i have to tell you before you follow the breadcrumbs to the psycho that you're married i mean did you ever take a psychology class like you didn't see this coming right that's what it is it's not that she says that i'm a jerk it's just the nerve to be surprised [Laughter] all right i wish we had more time uh good god all right i feel like do i help you at all by getting oh this is cathartic it's cathartic because i'm going to go home she's not going to watch this she's over me i love it when a guest says no one's just she's not going to watch no she's not going to watch it yeah yeah you can see bill on his latest nationwide tour 50. and he's starting to mellow i swear to god i am i'm getting the twinkle in my eye back at the td at the td garden in boston on october 5th and madison square garden wow on wednesday november 7. that's fantastic unbelievable for more cities and dates thank you go to billburr.com billboard we're right back

Channel: Team Coco

Views: 970,227

Rating: 4.9134841 out of 5

Keywords: conan on tbs, conan (tv series), tbs (tv channel), conan remotes, conan classic, a conversation with conan o'brien, conan o'brian, talk show, talk show hosts, late show, conan brien, conan funniest, top 10 conan, conan best, funny moments on conan, best moments of conan, celebrity interviews, conan best moments, conan funny interviews, conan funniest moments, tbs, comedy, fan favorite, stand-up comedy, late night, bill burr

Id: ARERGvMzhmc

Length: 14min 30sec (870 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 27 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Neat_Caterpillar]

I can't think of another host that just lets their guest riff the way Conan does. So good.

[u/keke39]

This is my favourite. Just perfect comedic timing plus Elijah Wood.

[u/HolyhackjackSF]

"Who puts a family pet in a pot of stew?"

Cohost: "Glenn Close"

Everyone acknowledges and continues on.

[u/Shonuff8]

Burr’s 2 appearances on Conan’s podcast are some of the best episodes too. The two of them are so incredibly in-sync with their styles they know when to feed off each other’s stories, and when to sit back and just let the other run wild.

[u/tea_and_biology]

I see your bald Burr, and raise you a slightly-less-bald Burr ranting about Lance Armstrong.

[u/artofthesmart]

It really is like a 15 minute special for free.

[u/Homecourtthrift]

The right time to go on a Bill on Conan binge is always

[u/KocaKolaKlassic]

Bill burr with Conan is way better than bill burr with jimmy fallon

[u/MentalErection]

The plane boarding rant has me dying every time. But so many other good smaller rants here: -women have become overrated -kids need to be hit again -“do they ever take responsibility for their actions”