Half in the Bag: Moonfall

half in the back [Applause] you know i don't think this has ever been plugged in don't worry about that i've got 180 bidders on my nft [Applause] it's an ape wearing a top hat i drew it in ms paint i sold my nft of a monkey wearing a top hat for 185 000 doge coins those coins just tanked in the stock market now it's worth nothing well wait now it's worth 140 million crypto coins wait a minute oh no now it's worth nothing maybe i should just invest in the ruble anyway what's going on in your life today jay oh i thought we could talk about the new roland emerick movie and you know it's perfect timing because will smith just came out with that independence day remake welcome to earth oh wow i've made a shocking discovery i needed to get me in touch with nasa immediately rollin umrick's moonfall is a movie no one noticed but moonfall will become an important footnote in movie history as the nail in the coffin of an entire genre of film the silent ending of a very loud and noisy era i'm speaking of a time when your family and friends dragged you to the movie theater on opening weekend of a new big budget sci-fi disaster movie the theater was crowded the sounds of crunching and talking were heard until the film started then the noise of the new dumb loud roland emrick film drowned it all out for two hours plus you watched divorced dads and shoehorned in dim-witted side characters stumble through a poorly written film about one epic disaster or another after a few trips to the bathroom the movie was over everyone filed out of the theater having a shared experience of a loud mind-numbing film after dismal box office returns and an actual worldwide disaster the covid pandemic only a smattering of people are returning to the movie theaters it's now mostly a place for parents to have their kids babysat for a few hours by spider-man free guy or a new disney product grown-ass adults watch movies at home and young adults and teens watch five second tick tock videos on their phones the 90s are long over ironically one of the first films roland emmerich directed was a movie called ghost chase now he's the one chasing ghosts [Music] so jay you wanted to talk about moonfall i hate you i think uh this is this is like weird revenge well now we got rich making you watch picards i'm making you watch uh roland emrick movies yeah something's going on some some the the tides are changing tides are rising look out it's gravity it's the moon well this was fascinating to me i literally did not know this movie existed until yesterday it's a movie 140 million dollar roland emmerich uh disaster porn film big budget movie and i had no idea it came into theaters i never saw a trailer i never heard a single person talk about it i did a little research yesterday and obviously some people reviewed it when it came out but it was like if a tree falls in the woods and no one's around does it make a make a sound i had no idea this movie existed it's it's the world we live in now and and also probably the studio saw a turd smell the turd a mile away and didn't want to pump in 100 more million dollars into marketing yeah i don't know what they spent on marketing but one interesting thing i found out is that this was an independently financed movie this wasn't just one of the big studios throwing money at roland emmerich i think those days are long gone uh he did independence day two big flop why did i buy this box i guess he did a couple non-disaster porn movies he did that stonewall movie yeah there's a a couple of different weird movies did the the uh anonymous the movie about the guy that ghost wrote for shakespeare whatever the [ __ ] that was i thought he did do you remember that john cusack movie where he plays edgar allan poe and it's like a like an action thriller i saw that i assumed that was him because it was so stupid but i don't think he had anything to do with that movie but uh yeah he so he made a couple changes in his usual formula no luck came back to independence day flopped now he's got this thing which was independently financed it's like one of the highest budgeted independent movies ever made and also one of the biggest flops of all time 140 million dollar budget i think it made globally like 40 million he owes the mob a lot of money apparently the like the final bit of investment to get the movie made came from from china it was chinese money no kidding so there's that it's a big part of this because i'm sure you notice the very standout actress she i looked her up her name's one one you i'm assuming she's famous in china yeah okay she's uh she was born in china in the early 2000s moved to canada so she's chinese canadian she's like a pop star and her imdb has her being on a what looks like a chinese soap opera okay so clearly a famous chinese face and so i whenever i see that because they've done that they've re-cut like marvel movies and they've oh yeah they they do all sorts of [ __ ] for china yeah that's why disney can get away with saying our first gay character in a disney movie like 17 times now right they just cut it out of china and then everybody forgets because it's someone in the background but i was like okay she's she's running around with uh patrick wilson's son i'm like oh they're going to get a couple action scenes so they could edit her into the trailer a ton uh edit out all the black people and uh but when i looked at uh box office mojo and i looked at the worldwide box office china wasn't listed at all and then in the movie they woven into the plot they're referencing like how the chinese space agency is helping our chinese friends are loaning us and i'm like if there was some kind of disaster china wouldn't help at all they would they would keep to themselves and figure out a way to make the make the situation work for them i'm like that's [ __ ] interesting um so there's several lines about how the chinese are assisting first they go up the first attempt to go to the moon is the with the european space agency then that fails and then china helps with with a couple things here and there our friends in china are helping so very clearly pandering to the chinese market so that makes sense about the i didn't even know about the investment that's yeah but i wanted to bring that up that's interesting along with kaspersky viral virus protection software what are you talking about eagle eye jay is now going to call you blind as a bat jake okay i'm eagle i'm mike they're driving through the streets or they're going to a building and the water's coming in i did see this i didn't think anything of it that's a conspiracy how do you say it conspiracy i have no idea but uh it's a it's a anti-viral protection internet protection software company like a mcafee or whatever yeah um and there's a billboard prominently advertising it and then when um the not simon pegg character the nerd science nerd guy he's apparently on game of thrones yeah he's um he's logging into the computer to like do some kind of calculation or something and it says system protected by kaspersky virus protection on the screen well that's where some of that budget came from china and anti-viral software well you get the money where you can movies are so magical well these kind of movies well that's this is like yeah i said nail in the coffin that was the weird thing watching it is that it just felt so dated like how has roland emrick made the exact same movie for two decades now and all those shots you see you know they have the the text at the bottom of the screen saying where they're at we go from one location to another we got the the father and his estranged son which that was [ __ ] weird we're not he doesn't have a single conversation with his son until over an hour into the movie we got two divorced dads yeah i really miss you i miss you too my little man we never made it to dad that's okay we have two divorced dads we got two different children separated from their parents two different estranged sons from different age groups that son by the way that whole subplot because he's in the subplot with the the chinese actress they go off and they have their own little side plot and he was so bad just saw him clear you're gonna take a bomb into space and why are you even here you hate nasa i had to look him up i was like is this some sort of like musician is this like stunt casting like he was in the clovich killer well that's what i looked about i was like oh this the kid the main kid from the clovis killer i remember being good in that i don't know what happened he was younger then i'm sorry it didn't work out story of my life thanks for getting me out of jail he was checked out for being a young actor like up and coming young actor i i think he's he that young man is wise beyond his years because he's probably he's probably like i want to get i want to be the next uh timothy chalamet you know i i wanted and then they're like all we can get you is this roland emmerich movie and he's like fine i'll do it then he's like yeah we gotta get the car thank you for getting me out i know it wasn't always easy mike the character's supposed to be angry he's angry at his dad he's a troubled teen he steals a car at one point i have nothing but the respect for him [Laughter] for throwing his performance the old pros halle berry patrick wilson both established actors they've made their money this is this is a paycheck performance sure with with probably producer credits back end a good you know that didn't work out too well it didn't work out well for them but they're there and they're halle berry's emotion like this is acting at its finest when you see this a script that's just so awful and these scenarios that are just so mind-numbingly dumb and unrealistic um and you see halle berry like crying and giving you know she's a pro oh sure patrick wilson pro they're they're sitting in their little spaceship flying around and they're delivering their lines like they should but that kid he knew he knew he knew what he was in he knew that it wasn't really going to advance his career he wants to do better smarter things better movies and this is all his agent could get him they said it's a great deal you're just gonna have to run around in front of a green screen for a little bit sit in a car for a couple of scenes just say look out gravity look out you can handle it yeah you can handle it and so he he's just like no through gritted teeth i'm i'll do it then everyone else is trying and you know that's their job well the other son in the movie i don't want to harp on him too cause he's just a little kid but let's just show a clip and we'll just leave it at that okay we're all gonna be safe with dad in colorado are you sending the rockets to the moon i don't want you to go i love you more than all the stars in the sky even more than the whole milky way way more i don't want you to go [Music] talk about this film right this is what we're here to do that's what we're here to do i mean this is a where do you start situation so i'm not even gonna in terms of like complaining about how dumb the dialogue is the logic of it the reality well it's all the usual roland emmerich stuff the interesting thing is that he usually has his one premise and that's the movie 2012 the day after tomorrow earth is freezing in that one look out we gotta run from cold close the door this one it's look out we gotta run from the gravitational pull of the moon but then he slaps on three or four other bad movie ideas onto it like the last act of this movie is one of the worst things i've ever seen like just the moon coming towards earth and it's [ __ ] up a gravitational pull it's causing floods like that's your idea that's your movie but then you throw on like ai nanobots that are trying to destroy the universe this is this is just your standard roland emmerich movie but like you said a couple of layers extra and the premise is patrick wilson paley berry or space astronauts and they're talking about the lyrics to toto's africa what does it even mean to miss the rains down in africa the lyrics are i bless rains down in africa no they're not we all wondered what the lyrics were as i i blessed the rains down in africa i didn't know that was so i didn't know this was like a mandela effect thing i thought everyone knew that's what the lyrics were yeah this movie gaslighting us but it's it's actually not rains like rains like it's raining e that's g n s rains like horse reigns [Music] although i don't think astronauts when they're on eva walks like doing repair work i don't think they chit chat you gotta humanize you gotta humanize the characters the opening of the movie i'm not gonna complain about that because there's so much more to complain about in terms of reality but the premise is a a thing from the end of the matrix films right thousands of nanobots is in sentient ai life form we don't know that's what it is at this we don't until the exposition dump at the end but we'll get to that robot it's exhausting just thinking about it in 2011 the robot finally makes its way to earth flies past patrick wilson's spaceship space shuttle and then bores a hole way down into the center of the moon 11 years later it takes 11 years for it to bore down to the center 10 years whatever and then it it's then it knocks the moon up gravitational and then and then they have a scene in nasa where the head of nasa comes in the director and there's a screen that shows the earth and the moon and the normal moon's rotation and then there's a big red line that shows that it's degrading and then the head of nasa says what am i looking at here can someone tell me what the hell i'm looking at i don't know ask your five-year-old son it's very clear on the screen and i laughed and so the moon's orbit is deteriorating which has an escalating effect of disastrous results of course the tides are brought about by the gravity of the moon so the tides get worse flood scenes then the moon gets closer and then pieces of it i think because of the gravitation of the earth are pulling chunks of the moon away yeah and then there's just like billions of pieces of the moon like hitting the earth and um most of them are burning up in the atmosphere as like meteors uh and then towards the end it's just like batshit crazy with the amount of like rocks that are hitting like a rock less than like a mile wide would just devastate the earth for 10 generations like it would wipe out all life on the planet earth if an asteroid the size of new york city hit the earth i suppose you can argue that the rocks coming from the moon aren't hitting the earth as hard so they might not kick up as much dust in the atmosphere there's all sorts of scientific are they the [ __ ] up gravitational pulls making them hit slower and lighter than they would yeah i don't know maybe maybe asteroids have been have a higher rate of speed i mean i'm the the science in this it's safe to say is probably not completely accurate especially the part where they they they launch the space shuttle with three working engines and halle berry just launches it herself by hitting a start button oh yeah after telling everyone to evacuate everybody go home we've completely given up we gotta go got to launch this puppy i'm just going to hit this button there's not like a team of 3000 people that are involved in launching a space shuttle and all its complex components this is an old space shuttle it's a simpler technology okay yeah okay um but anyway crackpot guy there's a crackpot theory guy who's the usual character isn't quite as obnoxious and annoying as previous roland emmerich character well that's something i wanted to point out he always has the dumb comic relief side characters and that's essentially the function the game of thrones guy plays but yeah they tone down the comedy so much that it throws everything off balance ironically enough where the movie feels way more dour than his movies usually do like it's not i mean i don't think any of his movies are fun but the fun that people have with like independence day or something is completely missing from this all right you alien [ __ ] well because halle berry and um uh patrick wilson aren't aren't likable they're just sort of like blah kind of characters they're not a wizzle smith they're professionals yeah yeah they're not a will smith keep my wife's name out your [ __ ] mouth oh my god oh my god or harvey fierstein or any like they don't have a lot of personality i guess the personality was supposed to be put into the not simon pegg character fuzz aldrin how many times have i told you to use the litter box i guess it's like ah he has a cat and they do make a joke at one point they're about to launch into space the only people left at nasa is halle berry patrick wilson and him so he has to go on the spaceship with him and they make jokes about him having ibs i've got ibs irritable bowel syndrome and really you know a lot of people suffer from ibs maybe jada pinkett has ibs i don't know you know we have to protect her at all costs we should not be making jokes such a debilitating problem that many people face he says he has anxiety too yeah anxiety is not a joke it's not he's constantly popping pills you know what that's not funny no don't be making jokes about these things funny it's not funny i think that's why this movie flopped um but getting back to the plot mike it's not funny i know it's not funny i wasn't laughing we can't get past this part we gotta get this trending on twitter hashtag hashtag cancelmoonfall although i guess that happened when it was released in theaters [Music] moon fail and fail moon crash we'll talk about moon crash we'll get to moon crash we'll talk about the copy cat moon crash and a different film in a minute but uh there's the uh not just the moonland people thinking the moon landings are fake conspiracy crackpots right uh there's goofballs that think of uh the moon is a megastructure it's doing something to the megastructure's power excuse me please don't ask when they see a blurry nasa image from 150 million light years away and it's a blurry thing they think it's a mega structure which is some kind of alien-built gigantic thing and like there's that asteroid that happened to look like a long spaceship people were thinking it was a spaceship and i'm like that's just a weird shaped asteroid let's go with occam's razor here um but like when people look at a photo and they see an orb and they're like that's a ghost and i'm like that's not a ghost idiot ghosts aren't real that's a dust a piece of dust that when you take a picture and you flash the dust that's near the lens blurs out yeah because it's not focused because it's right near the lens yeah anyways uh so there's a there's a concept in science fiction called a dyson sphere which i had heard before and i'm assuming i've heard it from you in relation to star trek correct i i i would be i would be be crucified on the internet if if i did not mention the dyson sphere episode of star trek the next generation uh and and a witch had scottie in it oh scotty james duhan james duhan um uh this was before he died oh okay not after okay i should have known it's a fictional idea where you could build a sphere around a star and then inside of the sphere absorb all the stars energy for yourself lock it in i an actual dyson sphere can you imagine the engineering skills needed to even design such a structure yeah i know it's pretty amazing to to either have living space on the inside use it for power whatever in star trek the next generation there's a sun like like a yellow middle-aged kind of sun like our sun okay which is obviously [ __ ] gigantic now imagine building a sphere around that sure with enough space to be far away from the sun i mean you're talking 175 quadrillion times the size of the death star i mean we're talking the big which is why it's fictional so like the death star from the force awakens it's bigger this is starkiller base so it's big maybe 175 quadrillion times bigger than that death star okay bigger than the moon would be is what you're saying jay do you know how big our sun is right so bigger than the moon bigger than the moon but but here's here's the caveat yes inside our moon's dyson sphere which is obviously a very tiny dyson sphere is a white dwarf star there's there's there's regular stars like our our sun or stars that are bigger stars end their lives in a couple of different ways right they turn into red giants in about five to six billion years the sun will eat all of the inner planets of our solar system and will reach the earth's orbit thus entering the red giant phase the red giant phase of a star will only last a few hundred million years before it runs out of fuel completely and becomes a white dwarf a star gets smaller and smaller and turns into something called a white dwarf which is compressed now science has discovered the smallest white dwarf that exists which is which contains about the mass of our sun but is about the size of the moon okay which compared to the mass of our sun is [ __ ] tiny that's like taking let's say a city bus okay and shrinking it to the size of the head of a pin okay i might not be right with that i'm just guessing uh so the biggest the smallest white dwarf they found was about the size of the moon okay the movie has a little bit of leeway they're saying the the there's an even smaller white dwarf inside this yeah this must be the hull of the mega structure the moon's mantle's just a protective shell and that's what they built their dyson sphere around and on the outside of that dyson sphere is the moon's surface all the dirt and you know craters and all that so it's hidden inside there yeah and we discover at the end of the film that the plot was humans somewhere else in the galaxy they had a.i their ai just suddenly decided to come alive the ai suddenly became self-aware remember it's in that little girl's bedroom i thought i was missing something i watched that twice and i was i rewound it i was like what am i missing why does it just start attacking but it just does just because it's amazing i'm self-aware the ai certainly became self-aware and when somebody becomes self-aware just immediately wants to murder everything well their ai that they had on their alien planet was um you know the the the equivalent of rosie the robot and the jetsons sure if rosie tucks me in and tells me about the cow that they gravitated over the moon yes i got it here too in the form of i guess i should say more modern uh a google alexa i'll say a more modern version of that okay in the form of of nanobots that float around and form shapes yeah and she had hers inside a little little tri a little pyramid which i assume was like an alexa nanobots you know put on uh put on the jersey shore yes sir yes i will put on the jersey shore bleep um and then they got mad and they broke out of their little thing and then they met with other blobs of nanobots that are flying around and that became a big swarm and transformed into countless swarms of nanotechnology nanotechnology killed everyone on the planet destroyed all their stuff and then left to go conquer the universe to go destroy other planets then it made it to earth it burrowed its way inside our moon and heliberry says some line where she says it's like killing two birds with one stone because not simon pegg asked sir why didn't it just come down and kill all the people and they're like well if it [ __ ] drops the earth the moon on the earth it would kill it would do two things it would kill two birds with one stone that was the plot yes but the nanobot monster thing is only attracted to it can only sense technology technology plus organic if there's just technology it doesn't detect it but if there's technology with like a person there that's what it detects it's like the end of the matrix remember the end of the matrix but they had to walk around the robot suits and shoot out the things yeah yeah and the nanobots would detect that and the only way they could stop those is with the emp same thing that's the same thing yeah that's right they recently used it in star trek picard oh to turn off the engine of the homeland security bus and then rafi kicks the door open to the bus and uses the emp on the driver and it knocks it off now here people are typing already yeah but human beings do run on an electrical component yeah we have an electrical component within our bodies okay so perhaps an emp would knock a person out although from what every everything i've heard the theories of in an emp attack on the united states they never mentioned anything about it knocking everybody out they just knock out all of our power grids and internet and satellites and all that kind of stuff so yeah i don't i don't have the answer to that some typo who's typing comments right now might know whether or not an emp would knock a person out i don't know if it would kill them emp interference is generally disruptive or damaging to electrical equipment and at higher energy levels a powerful emp event such as a lightning strike can damage physical objects such as buildings and aircraft structures the main impact is electrical energy that doesn't kill people but spreads like lightning striking any electrical grid or circuitry they have the emp oh god they take the space shuttle up and then they have a little space shuttle rover it's a little engine attached to it that probably has enough like fuel to like get them down to the moon for like four minutes but in this it's flying around like a star trek space shuttle zoo it's like star wars ludicrous mode this doesn't make any sense uh they have the emp bomb on their ship and then the the robot attacks them and they're like oh god it's noticing the electronics so he smashes the controller that still works later yeah because it has to because it has to uh but then they get sucked inside the the dyson sphere and then the the alien technique form that lives inside the dyson sphere decides to help them out there's some kind of consciousness it can project images from your subconscious which is why all the exposition is dumped by uh patrick wilson's son when he was still a little kid i'm a construct from your minds billions of years ago your ancestors were once a surviving civilization from the distant possible galaxies it's just like blanket exposition it's a story about fathers and sons yeah it becomes contact at the end that's rolling emery's whole thing isn't it he always takes these ideas from other better movies and just dumbs them down to make theoretically a crowd pleaser you're supposed to be cheering during that amazing uh aspen car chase scene oh my god which had some of the worst [ __ ] effects that i've ever seen in a big movie like this well for first we see patrick wilson arrive at the griffith observatory in los angeles well he arrives at a green screen he's green-screened yeah it looks like the room yeah it's uh lucky for me i mean i think they filmed inside there because it looks similar unless they built a set that looked just like it but it looked like the real place looks like the real place but uh yeah they couldn't get them riding up on a motorcycle maybe they figured that we all need this for one shot we'll just do it on a green screen we don't need to get patrick wilson there that day who knows save some of that 140 million dollars china backed out uh 75 bucks from the budget they gave us so we just got to cut cut a corner here but uh oh god those redneck the one guy looks like a hillbilly and a half straight out of a yeah like a 70s grindhouse movie or something he looks like the the neighbor in the burbs hey pinocchio where are you going but they're like where are we going i guess i guess they were all like this all flew over my head but they're all trying to get oxygen tanks i didn't understand why they were chasing them at first i thought they were just mad because they have kind of a confrontation where they're trying to steal their [ __ ] and then they they take off and then they start chasing them i was like the earth is about to be destroyed who cares but then i guess they were yeah trying to get their oxygen they make a reference to the the rednecks rob a gas station he's like look at all this money i got and he's like we could use it as toilet paper it's worthless yeah and the real the real thing we need now are oxygen tanks because when the moon comes super close and the moon was like like scraping up against the earth yes and so that that sucked all the air up temporarily it only affects the gravitational pull in a very small region though even though it's that close to the earth so to the point where you can run from the gravitational right the moon is is the the orbit of the earth is just cluttered with billions of chunks of the moon like planet killer asteroids the and and it's scraping up against the earth and then there's things like they're in colorado right yeah because that's the highest elevation in the u.s yeah um and so they're like walking outside and they're like and then like this giant meteorite hits a mountain [Music] how did you get out dad got me out and it explodes and then they go hmm and i'm like you ever hear uh [ __ ] avalanches and [ __ ] like like and and and one hit like that would just cover you with with zero visibility dust yeah for like seven years okay whatever well every time they cut to the moon like looming over the horizon it happens multiple times and people are like look out it's the moon like it's like it's jason voorhees or something yeah i mean it'd be pretty scary if the moon got that close it would be sure i think if the moon moved like one degree of rotation the whole earth would just die they say they're like like climate change if the if the earth changes temperature degrees by like two degrees in the next 20 years like we're all [ __ ] yeah like the whole ecosystem of the year like it's so delicate and then you just have this this insane [ __ ] going on where the moon's scraping the earth's atmosphere and then they're just like running and oh god the sunny and the the chinese actress when they're running remember and then there's the bridge and then like there's like a like a truck flying at them oh yeah and then a train is flying at them and they're just like running on their little green screen yeah and then they jump because the bridge collapses they jump and then like the wind pushes them into the into the safety of this there's multiple scenarios in this movie where they say the gravity is helping moon is going to us us i think that's the light i wrote it down and rolling emmerich put a couple lines up [Music] while making this movie oh [ __ ] the moon is rising gravity's going to go crazy oh dead the moon is rising gravity's going to go crazy yeah i i i just want to return to that amazing car shootout yeah michael pena he's sticking out the side window and he's shooting at him and it's just all green screen and it looks awful it's like we were talking about with that uh bruce willis movie where they just add all the plug-in effects there's a snow and [ __ ] like they're trying to conceal how bad it looks by just throwing every every uh element in front of the frame right right this the the kind of sunset and the moon in the background and there's just so many layers of things going on to where it shattered that illusion of reality this felt like a big tv show you ever see commercials for that that show called 9-1-1 like oh yeah it's like the most ridiculous like circumstances arise it's just like we're dealing with the most crazy [ __ ] that could possibly happen and uh some of those like effects they look kind of similar in quality of a roland emmerich film so that's why this is like this is a ship that sailed it's cheap shitty tv shows can have the same level of effects well speaking of we mentioned moon crash earlier which is the mockbuster version of this there's a couple i watched some of it there's a couple of effect shots and this is an asylum movie that looked really good as good as moonfall a lot of the other ones are awful but there was a couple of shots that didn't look bad they they probably put a ton of money towards a couple of shots to put them in the trailer yeah well you'll show those shots of course of course of course and i'll also show the the shitty shots because there's plenty of those too we have to get out of here no no come on right now get inside why not that's why i don't know if the i think the premise of that one was like some mining accident shot rocks down from the moon yeah that's i watched uh just it was just a more favorable plot to me that's keep it simple like the whole nanobots and the the ancient civilization living inside the moon like they had all this crap but yeah i watched the first 10 minutes of moon fall and then because it's an asylum movie i knew that the middle chunk of the movie was just going to be like three or four little sets where characters just talk endlessly so i scrubbed to the end to see any sort of exciting action climax special effects and there really wasn't much they're trying to change there's like a whole row of solar panels outside they're like we have to change the direction of the solar panels and that'll somehow deflect the moon i don't know what's happening if we turn the solar panel area all in the same direction but the control panel to turn all the solar panels they didn't even alter at all they just used a control box for a like a like a led light literally this same one that we have it's for the this isn't promo but it's for the aputure uh 300c light she just grabs it and she starts turning the dials on it they put gaff tape over the logo and that was it there's like a calculator sitting on a piece of uh plywood and that's a piece of technology it's so cheap it's actually shocking because the silo movies i didn't even know they were still making them but they're still doing those mockbusters and it looks even worse than some of the older ones that i've seen it was truly amazing but the interesting thing a lot of the dialogue and the like setup of what's happening in the movie not dissimilar at all to the dialogue in moonfall [Music] not it's just like moonfall is just as bad of dialogue as a uh an asylum knockoff i don't know how we're going to stop this thing but we got to do everything that we can to get off this rock and help them save earth or there isn't going to be a home to get back to the largest neo was already set to annihilate the entire planet a nuclear fallout of this magnitude what small chance we had of saving this earth will be non-existent i was talking to um our canadian friend colin he sent me a text and he said i'm watching moonfall and it's [ __ ] hilarious i'm laughing at everything in it and so i looked up the trailer for it but i accidentally watched the trailer for moonshot with cole sprouse how long have you guys been together eight years eight years how did you manage that he checks all the boxes oh you mean literally i was like it looks looks pretty bad it looks like a fake movie yeah but i'm like like colin why are you watching this this looks like it's like like a why a novel adaptation it looks like it's made for like pre-teen girls why are you watching this and he's like he's like it's rolling emirates new movie i'm like saying what turn you the number extracting this and then i put the pieces together what are you doing here who sneaks onto spaceships i can explain so currently in release is moonshot moonfall and moon crash yes which one uh made the most money at the box office moonfall are the two that weren't even released in theaters they probably still did better they probably still did better yeah yeah oh by the way everyone this is steve sawyer his team of international astronauts including his brother logan are stranded in a ship on the moon we saved the earth we should get started get started with what at the very last line is you're part of the moon now oh that's the other thing there's a there's a sequel or maybe cinematic universe bait he already tried that with the end of uh independence day too take the fight to them when do we leave we're gonna kick some serious alien ass i don't remember much of that movie but i remember it ends with sequel bait i'm like we're gonna keep doing this nope but he thought moonfall that would be the one it could have been some kind of like because i mean you look at the earth and it's like [ __ ] he saved the world there's no way like the global economy is going to recover from it's going to just be like a nightmare world for the next 200 years of people scavenging for food and killing each other post-apocalyptic but i think it was either sql bait or a tease that not simon peg man is uh going to be the the ai that controls the moon and and the moon already demonstrated that it has the technology to repair stuff because it like used its lasers to like fix their broken shuttle so i think his his job as the moon overseer is to shoot lasers down and fix all the cities so i think there's like a little little twinkle of hope at the end that that the earth could be fixed okay like i said in my intro the days of we're all going to the movies to watch this new release are long dead and that's why this uh moon fall movie feels like like like a walking corpse like it's it keeps trying to like climb up out of its grave and keep kicking it down well that's why it's interesting that all now it's all about like with the the comic movies it's all about the multiverse stuff because that's a way to drag back things you remember and like they're bringing back michael keaton batman they brought back sophie mcguire spider-man all these things it's like the last gasp and it's not that theaters are dying because like spider-man was like the third highest grossing movie of all time which is crazy but if that was just another spider-man sequel it didn't have that angle of bringing back things you remember from 20 years ago would it have been as big of a hit i don't know kind of like the new announcement about season three as star trek they haven't even finished season two look what we got he paid attention you know what i'm talking about right well they're bringing back everybody from tng yeah except for will wheaton our first uh first two seasons with a wacky oddball characters it's not working out bring them back bring everybody back i just saw that and i just said said to myself how sad well this this moon fall kind of feels like a genre version of that we're bringing back disaster porn it's back everybody you're shooting at us well you think that an idea like this that he couldn't get any sort of funding from a studio to make to the point where he had to independently finance it i guess in a way that's kind of admirable because it's like maybe he really just wants to make these type of movies he's not completely cynical but yeah it's like no one wants this [ __ ] anymore clearly it's it's stuff he wants to make it's he really enjoys disaster porn he loves watching cities get crumbled that's his thing but this is like a more generic version of that like in the older movies it's like oh you see the white house get blown up or you see you know new york city get destroyed here's just like uh here's a flood of a city there's not like no big landmarks that get destroyed the landmark things out of this and and it's no there's no um message about you know current day politics like climate change or anything like that it's just a sci-fi story of aliens in the moon and you know it's so it's a little different than that there's no angle there's no like big shocking moments of watching the statue of liberty fall over and all this kind of stuff that type of spectacle in like the days of independence day it's like wow look at these amazing special effects now we're at a point like we said tv shows have the same level special effects nobody cares we're in a fluctuation period where things are going to sink or swim and uh unfall has sunk just like will smith and ezra miller's careers [Music] when they talked about a dyson sphere i said star trek it's even a shot in star trek the next generation where the enterprise flies through a doorway that's closing which happens in this building that's that's a pretty standard uh action cliche though and i said a dyson sphere a dyson sphere has a star in the middle of it the moon is way too small to have star in it and then they mentioned that it's probably a white dwarf and i said oh a white dwarf at the center of this little dyson sphere inside the moon that's pretty great i'm really excited to see kenny baker again on big on the big screen [Music] then i realized he had passed yeah yeah hey the game of thrones guy is in it i figure maybe then it could be peter dinklage oh yeah yeah right oh my god will smith's coming to slap me jada pinkett's [ __ ] peter dinklage too [Laughter] i've gone too far in a few places jay and possibly but that's what people come to come to see on half in the bag oh and they come to see me trying to mine for cryptocurrency i did it i did it that's okay i can control our computer with this okay [Music] 1 14 of a cent i'm rich [Music] you

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 1,367,524

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans

Id: yaILVoXZTqU

Length: 47min 14sec (2834 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 10 2022

Reddit Comments

[u/Sheldonzilla]

"Jay, do you know how big our sun is?"

Fucking hell that delivery killed me.

[u/analogkid01]

The "kaspersky" crap reminded me of a wonderful movie from the late 90s called "State & Main." A film crew is trying to make a movie set in the 18th century or some such, and one of their financers is Bazoomer dot com - which is insisting on some sort of "product placement" in the film.

They eventually come up with this.

[u/BelkanWarHero]

Im shocked they didnt cut in Neil Breen during the AI exposition

[u/Tarlcabot18]

Jay has never been as uninterested in anything as he was while Mike was describing a Dyson Sphere.

[u/Exphrases]

I will never get tired of the "exposition layered over itself" bit

[u/Jazzun]

Somehow, Papatine has returned the AI has become self-aware

[u/turinpt]

I love how even on a random movie review they find the time to shit on Will Wheaton.

[u/Tarlcabot18]

I spy Ryan's Babe next to Mike's computer monitor.

[u/ViolentAutist]

I’m surprised they didn’t mention the obvious Lexus product placement. Michael Peña’s line about turning on “turbo mode” during that last chase scene made me laugh out loud with how bad it was