Bert Kreischer & The Hunt For Ice | TigerBelly 137

[Music] five four three two one I see trees of green red roses too I see them bloom for me and you and I think to myself what a wonderful world ah ah don't clap okay I got that out I feel good about it you know that song I think I was born with that song in my heart that song is constantly just playing in my soul you know when I look at the trees I look at white people walking down no one I see white people they're all laughing happy with their like little skateboards or you know I mean they have their little laptop in the back backpack and they're happy you know making deals I feel happy they're making deals all the time you know white people you know yeah but anyway welcome to another episode of tiger belly this is a very special very special episode that we have here I hear noises that I don't want to hear right now currently but that's okay that's okay we can we I can be thrown a curveball all right so what we have we got a Gilbert Milan Ghilas Malaga's flat face what's up flat face Filipino [ __ ] Oh today no not today like my beautiful island princess kalila your attitude [ __ ] stinks today all day every day I'll tell you that right now and you should look in the mirror I should [ __ ] really add value at your life we got tours here I wish had a recording of you on the phone with me while I was in San Francisco for four days was it it was a whole lot of we are guests here this is a very rule what you're doing okay we got George Kimmel we've got his cousin yeah and we have a very special guest let me say something right now he gets from Florida yes he's from Florida and you know sometimes people from Florida they turn weird our favorite you know I'd the Aileen Wuornos what's her name yeah she's from Florida you know they do a lot of what's that one drug or where they eat people's faces that's all that's all that came in right yeah that came from there I think but sometimes good things come from there you know and there's two things that have come from there that I enjoy one of them's another comic and this is the other comic right and this comic right here I [ __ ] love Bert Kreischer everybody [ __ ] finally you have no idea how hard that is is that hard when you said when you caught him flat face I was like I have so much [ __ ] to talk about that our best friends Vietnamese told me a secret drunk one night she goes yeah agents have a hard time finding sunglasses fall off their face and bro I lost my [ __ ] I put my ray-bans on they fell in her mouth hysteria see that we can't be President because if on a coin would just be like a line we do have flat faces but it's fine it's our lien Wallace from Florida mm-hmm or did you find her wait that's what Florida's known for people to find their way to Florida yeah but it's a you know it's like a moth to a flame you're right so they all gravitate the crazies gravitate to either Wisconsin you have no idea how crazy my I knew in Florida I knew to dues without tongues swear a scowl it asked our tongueless Brett whose cow had cowered my counsel your buddy radio guy yeah yeah tongueless Brett and Hall how head loves you I love Callahan like you're the guy that I go into and they're like do you know we just had in and I go who and they're like Oh Bobby Lee he's amazing it because I'm fun at radio cuz I like to get loose I'm pretty good myself you watching pretty amazing some coffee and I try to be real I [ __ ] on his couch it's like [ __ ] what he had us a white couch yeah and he goes Margaret Cho sat on this without any underwear and she goes she left a little bit of a [ __ ] stain oh wow I go I want to leave one tool and I did that an accent and I left a really good one and then they cut it out in the frame debt oh really yeah because my poo is polluting how did oh yeah I don't know it'll tell you he's your friend no just guys I know I'm friends with somebody they can't talk you just they just get they morph their way into your life like you're like you don't have a tongue hang on let's go yeah yeah did you have like a dwarf friend like that too or no I never knew I never knew a [ __ ] or like a little person until the first one I have a mythical member I was the first one ever meant to ya know he's one of my fair first yeah yeah that's my very first I never met him a little person wait wait wait you've seen him before no we didn't have a lot of that but you know we didn't have never saw a little person in Florida we didn't have a jhin's of horrible no joke we had like one a lot the joke I'm the first joke I made when I came out to LA and I met Asians for the first time first night I'm being dead serious like no aliens I grew up in the 70s I grabbed born 9 72 so I grew up in a time where just wasn't very diverse in Florida especially why does 71 so I was around but not in Tampa that's true there was Samuel Howe one God said that one guy Wow and the first joke I'm making a wooden even joke is a joke - it was a thing that dr. ken it was a sentence I said it doctor Ken an older Asian guy was in the hallway at the Ontario improv with his wife and I hit dr. ken Lego I think your parents are trying to get in and and he goes I don't know them and I went he's yours he goes no because they're Japanese I go I go what are they saying I don't know I go what kind of what are they saying yeah you don't know that night I want to say just did you know that Japanese people can't understand Chinese people at all oh my I had no clue I had no I thought Italian Spanish like pantalones bundle Oni I don't find that I don't find that races at all you're doing science in your mind alright what I was like you're calculating and all that stuff but I was a kid I just didn't know and so like I like and the only way you know is to ask and the only way you got to ask you can't let not ask well you don't have to ask oh you could just read google you know that's that's why the Middle East has so much turmoil is none of those languages or even remotely the same right which gets us to the new tub subject I'm dying to talk about which was the truth the truth about a poo oh yeah when you said that earlier about pool yeah what the [ __ ] you're talking about what is it you can you help me what's the title you know what's the title of who is his name but it's really fancy tree is it green yeah that's what the crazy thing about how many these days so this guy secret of on days by a poo that one oh it's the it's the problem with the poo it's the it's called a problem of poo by hero and I'm not gonna try to attempt to say his last name Excel just Japanese guy no no no he's Southeast Asia Asia Oh at the break so no no what about right now Gilbert you're embarrassing me no I'm a bear this guy's a headliner here hero hir Oh couldn't something a good but you know [ __ ] but he what kinda mole oh yeah yeah it's by the way I have to say this it's it's problematic for a white comic to talk about because it's something that immediately all this is the biggest problem I think right now is that not 11 up people are listening you know and so as a 45 year old white guy I just tried to listen I can go like the thing about not knowing that Japanese people in Chinese people didn't understand each other yeah I really I wasn't mean hateful I was like I didn't know that I really didn't know you really didn't know that dude I didn't I didn't I loved it I didn't know one Asian person until I was 26 years old I didn't know one Asian person but you see he saw them around like at a mall but yeah but I didn't like you know I didn't like super interactive like I was like hey man you guys raisin I'm Burt you guys want to meet up and yeah because I want to defend it though - is is that you know what you were running into were fresh off the boat people you know when people come here from a different country they they stations that we stick to ourselves right we have these little meetings and you know like that on the guy Joe song we they got that shut up Virginia attack yeah they couldn't get ahold of none of the news media could get ahold of his parents to interview them because the Asian community Harvard them really yeah and they took him off the market and they left and then they sent them into Korea and no one could interview them or anything that's how Asians are were very secretive so badass yeah you like that I wish I wish like I saw a black panther and I was like I party is like I was like I wish they have one of these four white guys like you know I know I know I know I realize that later one is like like white people don't like they do it's just bad one but like I think that's I think that's like the Asian communities like in New York when that [ __ ] I think that's kind of cool I don't want that to be lost in progress I don't want agents to not be a team yeah no no it's not coming out right is it but can I just might wanna I want to say something I want to I want to say that we don't assimilate enough also okay I think that when you come to this country right you should have you should not just stick to your culture but to reach your hand out and talk to African Americans I think during the riots there was no communication and it caused division and the city burn on fire they we should reach our hands out and I think people should you know not close themselves off no but what American culture no but what about this though how cool is it when you meet another Korean person and you get and you share something that you both similarly shared in childhood that like no one else knows about you're like I don't I'm not gonna but like did your mom ever fold her clothes like this and that's the thing the only Koreans do and then you go oh my mom did that too and then you're like oh remember this this miss yeah like white people don't have that at all like there's nothing we have nothing Shem simile shared me know like like I would spend the night I went to I had this girlfriend Sarah Hyland right and she lived in the south crab green sir no she's white oh she's tall why kind of redneck II kind of girl she's really funny she was standup anyway um I used to spend the night ma we would go there to Louisville Kentucky and I would in her her mom her grandmother was like kind of racist a little bit her parents were pretty liberal but and I would wake up and it smelled like my friend Craig's house growing up which was a combination of coffee apple pie to this baseball mitts this is a bit right here this is all three things at the same time this is your house I wish I had to know you're there is it so why people try him why do you smell like a like a handful of different things yeah and it's in there we don't go much out of the spectrum that is [ __ ] hilarious well no but we don't got much of the spectrum our best friends were Vietnamese and man you go into their house like when they bought a new house yeah we went into them or liked it done smell of your house yet you know every Korean household that I've ever gone into they always have kimchi a big pencil in the fridge and you know when you have like the filtered water that filtered water always tastes it has a hint of kimchi always there's always a tub of kimchi images the whole cigar Flint oh yeah like our Flint Michigan we don't have painted water but we have kimchi water our fridge service has that yeah we do have that same vibe our kids went to third Street School on Third Street and like in like Larchmont border of Koreatown let me ask you this it's a private school no public schools is back in the day there no go there anymore but it was predominantly Korean right like the kindergarten class was Korean immersion so like your kid they won't because and they taught math the way the Koreans learn math is up by by the way lit barely listen to what I'm saying cuz I kind of I don't know what I'm talking about yeah but I think Korean maths a lot like playing the violin okay yep disagree what he's saying the same way to play the violin is how you learn math and Korean and Asian math is easier than white math don't take my word on this I kind of listened was orientation nope let me see what I'm gonna say okay all right and then you can see known to call my wife well here why no because she would know what I'm trying to say yeah but what your said what I'm just saying is that I thought numbers were a universal thing no no it's not but it's how you learned the math how you learn the math is very different because surely in math was was easier to understand and then colonial math ah so they would teach them math in Korean and it would and that's why math scores were through the roof and someone's got to have my back on this because I or at least explain what the kind of like how rocky trained and Ivan Drago trained right right yeah rocky trained in the forest with logs on his back yes check chasing chickens yeah yeah Ivan Drago had the futuristic yeah and it is all based on the violin I know it makes sense when you're playing music you see a note you don't calculate what the note is you go oh that's a B I had a B so they the way I took Koo Mons is three two you don't go what's three plus two you go the combination three you moans you [ __ ] I was sitting here hanging out to drive the Brammer explanation know what he just did apologize to my friend right with sabotage and you made them looking fool that either guests and I want you to apologize right now mr. crusher apologize thank you [ __ ] you knew I was bad at it I was really fascinated so our kids couldn't do it either our kids did either calculator yeah that's where I got by the way that long story to get to this is where I got introduced to kimchi the Korean mom's on Thanksgiving they do a Thanksgiving feast but it was all Korean food and so I first time I had kimchi was that one of these Thanksgiving feast when my daughter was in kindergarten and man kimchi connected with me it like something that I was so into it and so I said to one of the moms and these are like these are I think probably what what is when you just come free is that that's not first generation that's first generation is me no yeah one before you that's the all these moms with that immigrant yeah I'm not gonna say that word but yeah you are please say it so immigration when I add it comes out with a little more hate immigrants no but they that I told one of the moms I said I really like this what is this he said kimchi and I was like really she goes yeah you know how it's made she tells me about how it's made and I am I find that fascinating that you bury it and then you dig it up but they didn't do that for them before so I said I would I love this I want more she goes I'll bring you some tomorrow brings me a 5-gallon glass jar of kimchi I ate this kimchi for a [ __ ] year my neighbor my neighbor was a was a chef named Roy Choi Roy Choi started I used my next-door neighbor me and our kids are the same age Roy oh yeah no I know trap yeah his restaurants yeah but do I know him personally I think so I love them I love you Roy and Kim and he started a thing called kimchi tacos mm-hmm and I and I saw this [ __ ] five gallon jar kimchi and he was like you should make kimchi breakfast tacos and told me how to do it I made it oh wow changed my life it I do too I ate I'm having a kimchi forever but it but and that's why I'm here I wanted to try it again nobody loved a man I love kimchi you know it's like that's so funny because you from from the outskirt right you look like something I might not like oh yeah yeah yeah like if I if I was like if I was in let's say I was in Indiana and I'm lost right yeah and I'm in a cornfield and I see you with that hat at the whole thing oh yeah I'll go I need directions but that's not the guy everyone says that but you are the guy don't my sweetest guy I understand that but I'm just saying in the beginning you didn't seem like the guy I look like a meathead and I come off like like a hard penis like I'm like yeah and I'm loud and obnoxious and like yeah they [ __ ] up things and I don't want you to take this the wrong way okay right but I really enjoy your lips that's one of the things we got bodies lips is really puffy in the right ways yeah it like really greatly it looks like a [ __ ] I'll take it yeah good yeah yeah you have [ __ ] lips I had a girl my first girls I've ever made always said I really liked your lips oh yeah lips are soft I swear to God for like five years after that I kissed like this no muscle in my lip yeah very nice if you look like you're are you dipping nobody's dipped for a long time you did yeah is that bad for you things is bad for you yeah I don't think you can really get a real yeah but you know I don't he's here I mean this I hear a lot of people that smoke get lung cancer oral cancer is probably but I don't see people like you want to look like Roger Ebert what half of his face but he didn't did he just I'm saying you know I hear something the oral cancer and cancer like that area causes oh it does a part of your face yeah I don't wanna look like dude that was the picture they passed around to us in baseball when we were kids it was the guy who just dipped for four years and lost his bottom jaw yeah oh they should the pitcher yeah but it's not real that's not real you can't get you can't get lip cancer that quick I mean Roger Ebert was like 70 or something it is real oral cancer is very real I don't think it shows up that quick unless like you're prone to cancer I mean children also get cancer also that's why you anything is everything's cancerous everything has you know but is there a guy is there a guy on earth that dipped since he was 18 and is now 90 and he doesn't have cancer all right yeah my wife's my wife's dad has been chewing tobacco since he was 13 my wife's grandfather chewed tobacco until since when he was a child like seven probably and they have the place 90 ya never had it's a lot also it's about oral hygiene I think I don't know I don't know but I'm listening yeah by listening I like it yeah I think it's about like flossing and brushing right so if I dip and I floss I use Listerine and I brush two or three times a day yeah I might not get cancer might not I don't know what we're ballpark in this yeah yeah because my both my I know if you know this but my grandparents you know my dad's dad and my mom's dad my mom's dad smoked a pack a day since he was 18 he died like 102 yeah but your parents and your grandparents move their bodies everyday they they're not sedentary 20 hours a day like you are I like what you're saying right here why so because they say something about movement like 10,000 steps a day because if you're thinking about it what smoking does is it hardens your your blood vessels right but if you're staying mobile and you're working your circulation you know you're you're kind of countering the effects of or the damage that you're doing at smoking at least a little bit a little bit yeah but could I just say this Ashley who smokes and a person like you who smokes the likelihood of you getting sick is much higher than that athlete who smokes just as much Michael Phelps shut up man I love you going that's what I meant to say my bad bless you bless you I play video no no yeah I am but not bad I wasn't play video games I use my fingers what's the most exercise you ever did the stairs up here oh yeah your mind oh doesn't even know they exist up there and beechwood I wouldn't do it let me say something right now you the best hike right up your all right all right Christ okay let me just say something we went [ __ ] hiking a couple of weeks ago when he has sugar drop he became hypoglycemic and I had to drive the car up the hill on the hike trail to pick him up oh you're smiling no I think that's totally natural you think it is do they in the LA Marathon with no training I don't know like did you make it all the way through yeah of course did you walk any part of it yeah how many miles is that 26 oh you did the whole thing right now you don't [ __ ] thing 26 miles 26.2 huh how long did it take you five hours and 33 minutes I can't [ __ ] believe that dude I know training didn't train for it at all didn't rain at all just went out drank the night before showed up six in the morning got outbreak started seven and and I've jogged I was with hey-zeus Trejo we jogged oh we love straight for Fort John straight for 17 miles damn at 17 miles was the first no no no I'm sorry I judged straight for 20 miles at 20 miles was the first time I had to walk because both my calves seized up in my legs and my quads seized off in my quads and the lady in front of me [ __ ] her pants and I went this is why you trained she [ __ ] her pants you should her pants it was the size of a band-aid I went down one [ __ ] I was like people were collapsing everyone started cramping up that's when you cramp up is 20 miles 20 miles 17 miles started getting my head so I was like well I still have like nine miles I never run nine miles yeah and then at 20 miles I [ __ ] that's the first time I walked and I probably walked from 20 miles to 24 miles intermittently like jog for 50 feet and then walk again jog and then walk again and then can I ask you this yeah that's a Florida DNA he just has it in him embedded deeply yeah I know please get that cut isolated of her saying that yes oh yes I call it the Mickey Mantle gene you do you know why cuz I work out every day and I can't do the marathon I can't even do a half marathon to do it I cannot okay there's something embedded deeply inside me that does not I'm incapable of running on land I can swim probably that length let's do it let's do a tag-team sprint marathon oh that's pretty triathlon I've done a sprint triathlon I want to do one of those yeah those are fun yeah I'm gonna say something about with Bobby Bobby ride the bike let's do a Malibu relay like I can guarantee you that I can come out of that path I love this kind of talk right here talking guarantee you I want listen to me I can get you top 25 out the water okay you lose that lead I swear to god I'm out the team okay no I guarantee you I will train and I will get us top top I'm not top 25 out of the water I can't go that high but I get us all keep us in to the top just keep boys in the pocket okay cyclists that's what the final leg new cyclist is the second leg okay you're the run so you javi Bobby Bobby let's do this this is what this is what this is what dreams are made of listen up man all right you first of all you can't make decisions without me you guys are making all these plans and stuff I got to get in on it all right I don't know what the [ __ ] you're talking about get it all right I'm gonna get it on and on it all rightie just the brass okay no no no say this all right what's going on we're doing a triumphal okay let's start from the beginning okay sprint what's going on sprint tag-team Malibu try six months it's a real thing real thing okay so you people are involved three we're a three-man team yeah okay so what do I do all you got to do yeah wait for me to tag you and then you bike you ride a bike that's how far not that far how far 40 km I think it's like what's 40k Nautica Malibu triathlon and let me see I got the run part give me two months to train and we all belong do I have to ride a bike in you're too much to train get the three of us and let's put up money on a betting say and let people try to beat us all right yes georgeous said it's 25 miles that's running from the air you'll never find me again Bobby it's a you'll cry we will I'm a bike ride you will find 60 years from now in some forest the remains of a bike right and a skeleton a fat skeleton just craving with like a [ __ ] baby right as well right and my skull if you analyze my skull right underneath like the eye part it'll just be like what are you those those little you know in those caves with a little drug the cat you know the catamites the calcium bag time every good tears and I'm not doing this will change your life I can't sleep you always said you wanted to get into biking or a challenge is what we need can I just say something do you moon I want to be real with you I've always had this fantasy about a race [ __ ] I really being real I lay in bed sometimes I think of what would a race war look like yeah whites versus blacks was the Asians or whatever I think about this a lot I did too and in my head a late as of late in the last couple of years I thought to myself you know the whites I think they would die out Oh easy no until I looked at you just now here's the thing that white snap here's what the whites have that we would be underestimate right is a core strength of will there's not they're not smarter they're not they're just a little crazier right like serial killers you know there's you know there's you know you have the Night Stalker a frat boy with a Mexican guy who sneaks in right you know killed you know Mia and then leaves I think they have stronger than the whites they think it's a date then they'll do something like I'm gonna get to the next level it's white privilege it's not knowing the struggle and assuming the world Wow it's not know are you Oh Mike I'm so clear I'm so clear on right privilege that [ __ ] movie I was talking about the problem of the poo they explain what right privilege was it was not knowing what it's like to be marginalized that was what they were saying and I thought it was really fascinating so I was like oh yeah I never really watched any TV show and said it's I gotta figure out like who these like when I watched my panther I was a little bit like yeah that's cool but I'm not black tiger I can identify with them as people and that's correct but like that's what this guy was saying and I was like that's really interesting it was a really fascinating it's a really great documentary I don't agree with it entirely however I do like it's something I can watch it's a documentary like it's not a book it's on Vimeo you can pull it up on Vimeo what's the call again he'll write it down I'm gonna watch it tonight the problem with the problem with the poop with the problem you say his name Hari Kondabolu yeah it's pretty good I think he's a little off I think cuz when they see pictures of your daughters on Facebook and whatnot yeah okay cuz every time you take a glance yeah he take a glance at somebody's Instagram right yeah and you go a little dive into their life what is his life like right your your wife looks very pretty and intelligent and normal your kids Lugar so grounded and no I've never talked to them just okay but just based on what I see it's like you have a great family life you look like a great dad I mean I saw a photo of you I think you guys are hilarious in the photo I think there's much my friend sandy you talk about some sunglasses yeah and you just look like you have this really nice life and coming from where I know where you came from which is stand up your end um you partied a lot in college and one party pretty hard I know you do yeah but I just feel like you've really called off a good life for yourself do I'm the luckiest guy you'll ever meet in the world I but but but here's the thing that sucks is that I a little bit of my career to have a regular life so like I don't really call him for spots that often at the store if I'm working on something I will like I look at it like tonight well tonight I was doing this but we had a dinner party with friends we went to had our kids on Meetup and then the kids stayed and then we went to this bar and had barbecue and then walked back and like that's kind of how I like to spend my Monday Tuesday Wednesday as opposed at the store where it's just me and then I'm working on material and then I wake up late you know so like I kind of like being I like being a dad I really like but you know what's so funny because here's a guy talking you're talking to a guy who was there every night I'm always I respect that like I wish I had that now I'll tell you okay you tell me why cuz Kirk Fox and I were sitting in the back the other night we're there Kirk and I are there every night Rick Ingraham - yeah every night and you know and we don't see you guys alright cuz you guys have lives right and have a great life with my beautiful reggae I've got like what my point is is that we got with losers but I'll tell you the opposite side of that is me and Segura right Segura is not there every night killing it but no you because when you guys are gonna show up you it's like mythological creatures and like oh my god they came to visit from that like with the great the great heavens of comedy no but we both go up there and go [ __ ] like I wish we were hustling I wish we were up here every night I wish we were like right Rogen's up there every night [ __ ] Ari would be up there every night you know Joey Diaz is up to every night you're up there of you night like Kirk Fox up there every night [ __ ] Michael Casas up there every night a [ __ ] Jeselnik there's so many guys if we get it and then we're like we're like I wish we were hustling the way that we are but then you think it's it's a hard balance trying to be like a regular person and then also be a stand-up comedian how ironic that you say that because um because you put segura at v-- I feel like you and Segura are in the same category I feel like you guys right now especially in 2018 are the top guys oh yeah Tommy is I'm not I'm not even remotely close oh you are no I'll tell you how I tell you how you tell you why okay I'll tell you why okay to get me and Chris D'Elia to show up on a Monday to do your cooking show I was surprised by that no but you let me just say this or I didn't know you said because him and I were an instant yes right and and when I showed up Chris had already been there for like 30 minutes yeah waiting to do it and chris is a busy guy and he's also you know he's just that guy he's busy yeah but and I'm kind of busy lately right and for us to go to drop things and go we have to do it right means that there's something going on with you that's special that is the best compliment I've ever gotten in this entire business in my life because like to get Bryan Callen and Brendan Schaub to do it as well is special so what I'm saying is is that I guarantee you that you're one of the top guys right now that is the best compliment I've ever gotten in my in this business because it's it's an applicable comment compliment where you go cuz I did when they said who you want to get and I was like well I don't know like I was like I said a bunch of names and they're like what about Thalia and Bobby Lee and I was like but yeah but I don't think we're ever gonna get them and then they were like they're available Monday I was like are you serious and they're like I was blown the [ __ ] away because that was one of the best episodes we've shot it has God bless you that was one of the funniest God bless you and take care no and I want to say this I want to say this to you Bert yeah it's just that I mean a couple of times I've been I've been to all things comedy I said how do I get into Bert's think you know like he's busy this and that so I was waiting I was waiting on the wing I also give you a [ __ ] you think that was a compliment one of the puffy lips [ __ ] Reese [ __ ] nut really you're [ __ ] puffy lips are [ __ ] like a [ __ ] I said he said it all right I wrote that one down yeah you're someone that's been busy or someone that's been killing it for like like I'm gonna say 15 years oh my god you have you don't even know what you're talking about right now dude I do you don't know what my life I'm gonna say this right now bro and I've said this before and I'll say it again my life didn't change and I wasn't in the game until I met this lady no wait tell me this lady right here changed my whole career schedule in so many in some way that part that we said he was so good at yeah here's the thing if you don't know you don't know this alright first I haven't written a joke in probably six years that's brilliant yeah really it's not sure I do maybe five new jokes yeah thank you thank you so much number two I play probably about twelve hours of video games a day maybe more maybe more I don't eat well when I get auditions or I get offered things I usually say no because of laziness and fear and when I met her I was at the bottom I couldn't get anything going I didn't have I remember a time when he was on his hands and knees praying that he would get the part of that one guy's like non-existent show remember that we were mr. robot no not mr. robot you're just you and a friend of yours yeah remember from MADtv you were like I hope we get this oh yeah yeah yeah yeah oh yeah yeah oh yeah so there was a I was at the combination winner and this English guy comes up to me that guy yeah yeah he goes I'm not gonna say his name I love him he's very funny I wanna tell you later okay cuz I know I don't want me to feel bad if he's listening he goes hello I'm doing this pilot and I go what is it just I'm just doing my own independent pilot and and Troy Troy Miller is doing it and I and I got into my heads and he's like oh please let me do it and it wasn't even a network or studio he was just detroying him were just doing it on their own and then like me showing up and like he was taking like auditioning and trying to get it yeah it was it was it was basically at the end of the day like a YouTube and I was like waiting in line and begging to get on that I remember that and you're like looking at me like no you're probably you know me and I'm like that's all I can get and then like I had it all I like 8080 Chelsea Lately is just so that I could get people in the rooms yeah well you know I was not I mean I thank you Chelsea for the opportunity but I wasn't and when I met her she's just best thing kept saying you're a [ __ ] [ __ ] I so bizarre how you perceive yourself I perceive myself in a poor light and but like I have never perceived you as anything other than and when you go I haven't written a joke in six years part of me goes well you should just write down what you're saying on stage in the store because all of that like that's the way I write is I just go up and I I go [ __ ] nuts on stage and I try to write on stage yeah yeah but your improv are better than the jokes I've written so like I watch you I I sit back and watch you and I got right here Jesus man but then but it's so funny that you say that that that is your reality because I've seen the opposite side of you I always go like the new show you're on right now the in between us or putting up together I saw that no one's like of course Bobby's in that like a like of course you know the way you'd say that about like of course Tigers in the lead you know like I'm wise and the run yeah yeah like it so it's it's it is interesting how we perceive ourselves and um do you think that's based on your because mine's based on my dad's interaction with me as a kid yeah my dad then I was never be right I'll never like I was the fastest kid in first grade and I came home I told my dad I'm a fast guy in first grade and he said you'll never be faster than me oh man yeah but not but this wasn't he wasn't being a dick he was just being a dad in the 80s or 70s and so I went to the front yard I don't know I'm pretty quick let's race so we go to the front yard yeah this is like childhood confidence that Mickey Mantle team were talking about and I split up and I start counting down we sprint I'm hauling ass and I look up and he's running in front of me backwards going you'll never beat me at anything oh my that happened in every sport I ever played with him but it was like a way of going like I've got the big dick this is how this works I'm the alpha and so part of me has always looked for like a father figure I think I do that in agents and managers sometimes I got father figure yeah and and and also it's a way that I like kind of beat myself up where I go like oh that was [ __ ] horrible yeah dad would you know yeah do you think that was well I mean my dad doesn't here's I mean it's similar in the way that like when I went yours when I did Jay Leno I did stand-up on Jay Leno and he I told no and to watch it and then the next day he called me goes how much did you pay them to get on that like he thought that I saved up some money are you saying how that's how people get on The Tonight Show like Tom Cruise goes on and goes here's the Koran thanks for having me on you know Ben thanks so much yeah like he you know he thinks that this is easy or like this is this a real job I think now he's a little better about it you know he's proud but in the beginning dude it was like you know how much are you paying them or do they you don't get money right and you're like I make a lot of money yeah and he's like you know like it's that that cut so when you got mad TV and and that's a one of those game changers where you get that was your first big guy on your mind he didn't he was I mean it's not a game changer it is I mean you know you I would people say that I guess in retrospect maybe it is but the thing is is that at the time you know you get like five grand a week dude I remember when I got five grand a week my first TV show and I did the math wrong and I looked at my buddy Eddie in the front seat we were on the corner of Gower and Franklin and I went I'm a [ __ ] millionaire you know not Korean math there's a lot of money but if if you you your agent and your manager 20% write their taxes yeah so you're making about $2,200 a week that you pocket that's good you can't buy a house but you can't buy a house and it's not a life changer you know when you growing up as a kid when people said when you thought of a TV star you go oh yeah he's you know limos and mansion and his life you know and that's wasn't the case um in fact the new MADtv that happened last year I know a couple of cast members that were like oh no I'm still wake tables like waiting tables and still on a show you know so you know the ones like Eric Stonestreet you know that we've had on our podcast people don't he's on modern family large gay man they large gay men on my oh yeah yeah yeah he's a friend of ours and he makes a lot of money but that mucho was a hit yeah if you're a regular shows gonna be a hit what the new one the new one's gonna be it the new one dude the new one has got I love the the female lead is from the office right yeah she's awesome and that's the role I always wanted to see her in now I'm no disrespect to the office but I always wanted to see her in that role that dude is [ __ ] awesome all of us great it looks like it looks like a it's gonna be a hit show and then you go well the numbers are good has it aired yet yeah twice oh hell yeah I always want to I want to take the time yeah yeah I want to take the time to thank Tiger belly fans because um we did you guys were relentless especially on social media and whatnot or very well at yeah hash tagging all that stuff and I like some good news it's not picked up yet but um you know we want we won the we won the timeslot two weeks in a row and the numbers are really good and you know the one thing about the show that if I'm gonna say anything about it's perfect the show runners the actors I have a great time on it it's hard for me to figure out how to become me on that show to do what I actually do I might not have be able to do that you know how like you know how funny you can be yeah right and then if you get a part where it's like yeah I got a play so you're in this part and there's not much you can do outside of that you got to respect what the writers exactly know I don't want to misrepresent yeah how they see the picture that's it's their project yeah is there money yeah so I can't go out and go crazy I mean it's them but you know what at the end of the day you know I'm happy to you know be in it and we don't even ever had eyes here our fridges from the 1980s why do you need ice then yeah what you keep no he just said cuz you know I'm not drinking a vodka hot so [Laughter] how do not [ __ ] I feel like I learned everything I need to know about you guys [Laughter] when you wake up and you want to drink yeah let's go I guess I'll have a lukewarm water yeah okay so wait here's no note stop friend stop friend I want to stop you in your tracks right now okay okay we have rituals that we have in this house okay and what you're up imply re tools reach rituals all right let me say this yeah I'm trying I'll make this quick I want amuse this my girlfriend and i right we love cold beverages oh but what we do is we put it in the hot this is cold we put it in the refrigerator can you put everything in the [ __ ] room yeah yeah I can't believe you don't like that do you realize that would be a game-changer like proper food yeah you know whoa dude I don't like the way you said that ha ha ha ha yes she's Asian dude she's just mixed with a little bit of French say the other part Bobby he's half the Egyptian Filipina I love Egyptians I'm Adam ed shoutout to you my friends wherever you are whenever desert you're hanging out in right now he's in the Middle East by the way I'm not saying that as a racist he's actually out in Abu Dhabi or something so whatever does your name it's not a racist thing god bless you and take care ok this should be an interesting cocktail that's a moment to go to my sister's house and get ice is it far it's a block away you know I'll turn another thing is is that we just don't use ice because I don't drink you know that right no but you drink fluids yeah yeah yeah but you know we say what we do is this okay just hear me out okay what we do is we buy a bottle of water like this okay yeah and then we stick it in the refrigerator the refrigerator I don't know how it works but I start making ice maybe yeah it chills are you sure this device in there we've never had we haven't made ice in five years yeah you understand yeah that half of your listeners right now we're going hold on you guys don't have I like that's like it when we finally get it it feels like such a treat like when I go to my sister go get to my sister's house my the first thing I go to is her crushed ice ice mr. ice machine yeah I can't even say that delicious thing ever and I sit there and I just crunch ice for like hours oh yeah yeah you know you can have that every day right where do we get the 1 what is our machine no is there a machine that I can buy yeah yeah Bobby there is yeah actually I bought all of them I love ice I've had an I've had like three different ice makers yeah I'm thinking about getting one and installed in my garage uh-huh cuz I want the hardcore like the crush crush ice what is it what is this is that what I'm saying is is that I know when you put ice and things it waters it down or makes it cold okay I can't believe I can't believe I got a drink this quickly yeah I'm gonna get [ __ ] hammered on this podcast I'm trying to yeah yeah you say this okay next time you come over I'll bring my oh no no no no I don't trust you I got the challenge can we say this right now I'm a man of my word okay everyone back back up all right let me say this right now [ __ ] you will have varieties of ice like your eyes with different like grapes oh no you or water [Laughter] I hope icemaker cubes tray the tray do do we get one of those who don't even have icemaker trays ice make a tray with me guys [ __ ] nuts right look it's the old one they are that fridge over these are top regular what's cold in there something we might have something there yeah blueberries how old are these blueberries uh they're pretty new buddy new yeah they might be a little frostbitten though yeah okay you're gonna put frozen blueberries in there or something do they also have frozen color oh my god this is why he would have been a race Wars oh my it's as cold all right and flavored enjoy your beverage that's not that bad actually oh really yeah it's a little blueberry hip that's actually really good but what was interesting when I did your cooking show though with Chris and we're making that thing that we made we're I don't wanna give away what we made I thought to myself there's no way I'm gonna eat this [ __ ] thing - everyone says that they go I was reading the comments the one we released today was with was with my I was nervous because it's my it was wheel or hajr and then they guess also we had backed out at the last minute so they were like oh your wife and wheeler did a podcast with you while you just have your wife on I was nervous I was like I don't my wife's not like a talent you know like she's not like super that's not her calling yeah but they were there were they hit it off so we did it and they everyone thought that this meal is gonna suck dick it was a Nashville hot chicken was awesome yeah everyone's like everyone the comments like I'm amazed that these meals turn out good and I was like I'm actually a cook like I can cook yeah that's what's surprising to me well that one was scary because that we did because we had to make the pasta and I kind of thought Chris was like jumping cuz he's Italian and his dad's like he's that kinda Italian he's not no he's more bang bang Italian welcome to the restaurant I love the Bobby's impression just had to do with the fingers it wasn't the accident I won the restaurant but he's like more you know that type yeah creative I'm on him since he started doing stand-up and when he was violaters so wait how no he was good at well and what admitted made me a decade ago yeah and he was an open mic her and he was really good and there was just something about him you know chris d'elia he his parents you know his dad was a producer but what happened was he his dad would like as a kid could come and do a show for us he would go in and do a show in front of mom and dad like comedy and stuff and they would encourage it yeah and he just was born knowing that he was funny and that he was loved and I think that he just knew he was a star from the beginning he has he not figuratively suck his dick but like he there's something about him that is like a legit star quality yeah we're even like his instagrams it just comes off like he didn't overthink it he didn't he just is doing it like I was thinking of doing a line of all my outtakes and then not posting the video cuz I do a hundred outtakes before I do post whatever even me like hey we just caught a butterfly I'm like butter right yeah he's just like one of those guys that was just like born and then there are P but he doesn't he's not the prototypical stand-up you know I think prototipo stand-up is someone like Dave Attell right Lord you know he's someone who sat in the back in the class and never was allowed to show their personality but their personality was always writhing underneath them yes yeah like those are the guys that I was ago those are the ones my favorite ones yeah like I did a tour with a tell a long time ago yeah it was uh me a tell Carlos Mencia and DC curry we did leaders yeah I was a long time 15 years ago I was a kid but I was like opening yeah and a tell would bring like a pillowcase attached to a stick as his briefcase and in my head I'm like this guy is either a hobo or a real stand-up I mean he's my favorite and he's one of my favorite - so good but that's so but Adalia is not that you know I feel like you're more that we were both dark but also nice but also self-esteem ourselves a self-esteem can be low and I'm I'm maybe I don't know you as well I'm broken oh I'm broken you're broken right yeah I feel broken and daliyah is not broken and that I think that's the reason why I like him because he I don't feel like I'm hanging out with you know a broken person like oh I asked him why he didn't drink one time we're in the hallway and he goes I don't know man I feel like if I don't need it I shouldn't do it and then I was like I'm so the opposite I know like when they when we got sponsors coming through yeah and one of them was the cigarette you're holding Jule yeah and they were like hey dude would you like to be as you like us to be a sponsor and my wife side part doesn't smoke and I go but I could start like I don't mind think like I wouldn't mind an extra thing in my life remember when you first heard about girls cutting yeah and you and I remember hearing that and going so was that like what does that do for you like in a like a broken way of like I wouldn't mind adding cutting into my thing if it makes me a little more in control like I've always been like that with everything where I just go oh that makes sense like I I don't I never looked at life like oh yeah I probably shouldn't drink in the morning yeah when I was 13 I met a guy named Julio and we would smoke pot right and one day is like a man we gotta go to this guy Lucy's house uncle of Lucy's we ditch school went to Lucy said Lucy was this thirty year old lady she lived in Rancho Bernardo was a little community next to our town you grew up just north of San Diego yeah and with in San Diego County yeah and I walked in and I remember her being 13 years old and there was a baby in the living room crawling around and the baby was crawling around a full-blown meth lab right I've told you about that right and then my friend Julio goes hey I'm gonna deal you know meth for this lady but you want some and I didn't even think about it I'm like yeah I didn't know what it was and in the ass and I snorted it up a bunch of lives I didn't sleep for five days after that but I was hooked right away you know I'm just one of those broken guys they just wants to escape his reality you know that's why you know I've been sober for 16 years because I just can't I can't do if I drank that right now we just call the rails I'm not kidding you in two weeks I'd be in Santa Monica Boulevard sucking dicks I wish that have to me I wish I what's that happen to me I don't have that I don't have the like when I don't drink for like a month or whatever like I didn't I just didn't drink for four weeks and when I didn't drink I just it was like last month I just started drinking again and then I was like I I missed this it's you know it's like fun for me yeah yeah but and I wasn't accusing you I have friends who go I had a friend who Jay Mohr he used to love them I love him I don't know yeah I know that me and him have had a very story past me too and I don't have I don't have any hate for Jay I hope I hope it seems in my eyes I'm very very happy for him he seems like he's really grounded right now he's fishing for sea bass on a [ __ ] paddleboard in Malibu every morning yeah like that's I think where he that's where to be no I took that little bit I would love that I would love that yeah we would love that cuz well yeah but you don't know Jay you don't know Jay you know Jay is he's first of all one of the most naturally funny guys very oh my God he's so fast he's right is how fast is Jay more he he's one of the quickest dudes yeah you could give him a basic premise and he could take it up on stage and obliterate it in nine different ways and if you look inside his eyes you could see shatters of his broken soul through that I think well I think I think part of what makes J complicated and great is that I I don't I mean I don't know I haven't talked to him in a very long time so that's irresponsible for me to say but I will say that like he is amazing on stage but are we going on this about drinking and whatnot well he said to me he said if I started drinking again I'd be in prison I'd be in jail within 24 hours yeah I don't have that I know you don't but now I know and you know how I know you don't have that so I'm complaining about ice no because you just you you look at somebody's life from the outskirts and you go you know like you remind me your family dynamics and what you have in your life reminds me of what al magical has Oh Al's I wish I could be more like ow yeah but you guys so similar in that way that I can smoke pot have a cocktail and be like guys I gotta get the [ __ ] out here I got a softball game into Latitude like he is just a gangster I got a car deal I'm brokering it he's just a [ __ ] yeah invited me to dinner once Al and I showed up and there was like one of those like tables with what he called the table with the napkins on the well you put the plane on the napkins tablecloth that what they call it right table now then they had utensils on top of another cloth piece yeah yeah I don't know much about it but yeah yeah in the center of the table that was like a condom condom saltshaker Nimmons China China China right and then and then Kristin came out with you know a bowl a salad that was already pre tossed yeah it was like pre tossed yeah right and then she brought like bread that was like steaming from a like a wooden block it was baked something like that yeah I don't know what it was and then hot bread miss out and then then she did something like okay kids get hurt I'm right and these kids came out of like rooms like rooms yeah other their bedrooms right and I go what the [ __ ] is this right and they sit down and then out comes sits at the head of the table right yeah and they pass the ball around pre talk like three times ball and they're like yeah Tong Tong Tong and you put it onto another little plate in front of you that's like not your main point it's like a side plate just for the salad right and then your they pass the bread around and you have to slice it with butter and [ __ ] and I'm going this is he's a comedian yeah that's that is the impressive thing about Al have you gone to his his uh Christmas Eve party I don't think he trusts me I went to a Christmas Eve party and it is it is this is what's really impressive over though is that it's like half comics and half regular [ __ ] people he knows that just live in the world that's incredible and you're like and you're like what are you doing the guy's like I'm a car salesman like so much so I'll give us a tour of his house he took us up to his office and I lit a joint and I was like hey not everyone's like us did you put it out or do you take a hit we will finish it oh you put it out yeah al is one of those guys that was like like he took me to I think we talked about San Francisco San Francisco I I did a corporate show for him and he goes I know you like to pay for and I go I love it money pay for what Korean in Korea the Korean slang joke joke is sex oh really yeah so if you go to Korea and you go joke joke to anybody there go the point to a building really yeah and you go in the building and your duped oh yeah you know why they say Duke Duke no I'm gonna tell you why because when I was in Thailand I was shooting a movie there and the and it was made from a Korean company CJ Entertainment mmm and they're not gonna hire me again so I'm gonna write and so there was a couple of executives like I had a couple of days off and I didn't know what to do in Thailand I was just sitting so I set one guys just I want to sit in the lobby all day so I just sat in the lobby all day okay I was drinking like Thai coffee singing lobby and two executives walk by and they go oh you go Bobby I got no which is what do you do right now and I know you speak do you speak I can understand it okay and I go I don't know I just sitting here yeah and they one of them oh my god okay and so I knew what a man yeah so we're in a cab going to a brothel and in English I said what is even jushik mean oh that's what it sounded like when you have a sex I go if I heard that during sex I would stop if you were [ __ ] a girl I knew you're right you go I'm done and I'm gonna back away and see what the [ __ ] yeah the problem is you know I've never heard but you can kind of understand why they would say that I can say that but it's odd that they would call it that like that is like if you don't want to you can get [Laughter] yes and then that's how I knew what you do was a movie it was called final recipe nobody wants a chef I was a chef enough I do I had to play like a professional chef on it learn to like two months of classes oh and culinary classes yeah that's amazing carry over into real life just on my show and even got [ __ ] yeah and I couldn't do anything and one day a producer and this what happens in every movie that I have to have a skill and then give me a teacher at the end of the today the producers always go we got a stand-in really yeah because I can't like I did a breakdancing movie I couldn't write dance and that did three months of classes come on and they're like there's nothing that you can do to convince anybody that you can dance so they got me I was in Canada and they got the only woman they got me a woman she was the only one with my body if you see kicking it old school all the way in an old school yeah yeah that was were Jamie Kennedy yeah me and Jamie Kenny wearing it oh yeah I did a break forgot about yeah yeah so um wow I totally forgot about that back to al Madrigal al knew that I did that and so he he had kids and a wife at the time they were young stars kid - time yeah I know but he's like you want to go he brought me to this brothel because he knew right that I liked it yeah and he waited outside I did my business and he brought me back to the hotel I mean he's one of just a class act a guy that can have a family right because you just saw the [ __ ] thing on the bottom play whatever the long table table and that's for him to be able to walk me to a brothel yeah as like a cool gentleman yeah and then bring me home is a [ __ ] amazing master i right there he's an amazing guy see how cold this is that's how you know you don't have a prop you're not an alcoholic it's because you think you care about the temperature and the taste I feel like every other alcoholic just drinks to consume large amounts and I don't care what the [ __ ] it is or what it tastes like yeah and I know some alcoholics I'm not gonna name anybody and running it allude to anybody but there's some dangers out there that you know there are some couple of guys out there that have to stop but it's so hard what do you say I wish you know I there was a I'll tell you from my perspective I mean I talked I haven't really talked about this totally but I think everyone knows it but like I did Rogen's podcast and we were talking about how much we drank and they were asking me re and Tom and Joe were asking me and they asked me how much I drank on a daily basis and at the time it was a high number and I I remember not wanting to say the real number I don't know how to represent myself in that way like only because I've just been honest yeah I know they're my friends and I know that they care about me and I know that and I know that people listen I know that that's the thing about podcasting is you want honesty that choke tube story is like like that's like tetanus tea you know like yeah and I told them in a second I told them I was like I regret this immediately and then yeah I woke up the next morning going like I [ __ ] up my career like no one will ever be able to come watch me cuz I'll think that it's sad that I drank and no and and then we did that sober October Bert thing and it was awesome was really great and it kind of restructure the way I drank a little bit yeah and I'm gonna stop my nights where I go off the [ __ ] rails but for the most part I remember I remember saying out loud to people because I was drinking a ridiculous amount at the time but not bad not like violent not angry just drinking and going to sleep I remember saying to people going if you have a friend do you think drinks too much make it into a challenge that changes their lives like say we're all not gonna drink for October or we're all not gonna drink for November we're all gonna do it no drugs find your weaknesses we're not gonna do it and make it fun and don't make it Blamey and don't make it like accusatory like an intervention make it enjoyable because those three guys literally probably changed my life for the better in that I didn't drink all of October I didn't like yoga and I know I did hot yoga 15 times but I feel like a real alcoholic though wouldn't be able to do it I agree I agree because the people that are in that challenge riot who was in that challenge me Tom Orion Joe Tom Segura okay Ari Shaffir yep Joe Rogan yeah correct yeah I none of you guys are drug addicts oh yeah but Joe is smoking weed I know but he is not one nobody I know but even I think I'm not to speak for Joe we had to do that but Joe said that it was really interesting to not smoke weed for a month because what happens is you get into a you get into a rhythm in life for month for me my rhythm was I have a hard time going to sleep so for me a couple drinks puts me to sleep I don't sleep great but that whole month taught me that I can totally go to sleep without drinking I do not need to drink to go to sleep I'm a grown-up I can definitely I'm not gonna have nightmares I'm not gonna don't need to have a xanax I can totally sleep without drinking for a whole month I didn't drink I didn't I bet I barely drank coffee I barely drank coffee like it was really enjoyable I didn't lose any weight like it wasn't like a game-changer but I think that's the approach if you have a friend who drinks too much and you're worried about him try the angle of like hey we're all in this together let's make this a month-long challenge because for me and I was definitely drinking a lot way too much then I enjoyed that month a lot and I I it kept over into February into March yeah March practically yeah like where I just went I'm home I'm not drinking like I'm gonna be home I wanted with the girls I want to just be home and I didn't drink for four weeks and all of March and so I don't know that's the way I look at it well I think people look at too much of a pointy finger thing but right but that's solidarity I think it's the proper kind of support it was I was legit support like it was legit fun support like I'd run into those guys at the store and and they'd be like you're good yeah it was fun we go to hot yoga together the four of us and we just bust balls and laugh hysterically and then you go home and you wouldn't want to drink you would never want to go get drunk after you just hang out with your friends for two hours so I don't know I don't know anything about recovery or anything so that's my two cents well you don't need to know and I'm gonna say this about you also as well if math I'm a that I believe that human beings there are twenty prototypes males 20 would their female 20 female prototypes 20 males basically what I'm saying is that is that if we were androids if we were let's say we were Android company we made androids right like a working class and remodels we have 20 models I like this now you can manipulate each model right the way you want you want one model a little fatter a little shorter yeah but generally the type I feel like you and I are the same model I grew that thank you dude can I tell you when I agree with that the most yeah when the I hope you're cool talking about this but when the Carlos Mencia video came out oh my next day you gave the talk holding a cigarette oh my god I was like I'm that guy see this I'm in I've never identified anyone more the thing you did the way you talked about it the way you expressed regret and it was such in the vein that I live my life well when I went oh my god dude like I can I tell you I've pictured where you were in life meaning like location I was like oh he's in Los Feliz he's on he's not by his back step right by that door like I visualized oh my god I'm so glad you brought that up yeah because that video plagued me for real yeah because this is how that happened so I joked out that montage video of Mencia stealing and whatnot and I will vision I visualized I visualized how it happened to you can I can I tell you what I thought happened baaa I'm gonna tell ya I thought you walked up to the store going on yeah someone's like pop you have cigarette MOTU and you lit a cigarette and someone's like and then then everyone starts walking out and you're sitting there by the wall and they're like Bobby what do you think about a Christmas stealing you and you just jokingly went you mean Ned not knowing what it yeah yeah and then and then just walked away and then all sudden the video comes out and Carlos called you and was like bro what the [ __ ] oh yeah very severe E similar to that I envisioned that so much yes I would when were a little bit of the you were a little bit of the nail in the coffin in the story telling you my god we're a little bit of like that this is so we tell me how it really this is happen what happened okay so I'm at the Comedy Store and Brian Redman at the time wasn't reddit Brian Redman of today Brian Redman was Joe Rogan's guy his video article for his podcast guy everything and Brian read Brandon would always have a camera just on right and so I'm walking at night like I always do and somebody asked me what about Mencia stealing I don't see the camera was this the same night that this whole thing went down or no they it was it was a it was a collage of a bunch of different shows a different night right so he go and I said I didn't know there was a camera there any and they said but Mincey is stealing the ice deals and whatever you know then I noticed the thing and then I go to Brian I go don't put that out there and Brian goes no I mean Joe makes the final decision but we're probably not extend they it is right so here's the [ __ ] part by the way you got to give a shout out to Brian Redman for shooting contest a week earlier than shooting this and then realizing I got Bobby Lee saying that he steals that's a good producers mind like crafty that's the best Brian red bands like ganks he should I wish he just started a production company where he made vlogs for comics he's so good in so many many are like he's great at comedy but is his artistic arm is really in in branding in like yeah making content he's so he could have had a Empire though I mean he could only started about that so I really would have been like writings comedy I think you're right you guys what you guys are doing with us also we're involved is that you guys are creating a company that can last and that can eventually produce things and get into the main story and we need we need one of us to I wanna I don't want to lose train of this story yeah we need one of us who's big to decide not to go on Netflix and release their special on all things comedies platform and that will not happen I won't do it I definitely won't do it yeah I'm not the one I'm already all of you guys did it you bill burr re you know Tom maybe yeah I've never done a special I would do it on that how come you aren't doing special I just yeah so that video comes out now I can do one or two things calm Mencia and apologize profusely or avoid him right and I couldn't do the second option because MADtv was attached to the mind of Mencia we shared the same studio really on the Hollywood Center studios so you you know stage whatever aren't connected right so I'm sitting in my dressing room and I get a knock on the door oh wait you shot that at Hollywood Center studios it was my first TV show shot there yeah of course you do you now you can sit the steps and then it wasn't Ned it was his cousins and his brothers hey bro the videos our bro right like in that way will you got a do a rebuttal bro I got I don't want oh yeah you have to do Ned wants it so Carlos called ever they put me on those stairs did you call him when you talked to him did you call him Carlos Burnett and like Ned in life oh yeah always yeah yeah he started I he discovered me really yeah Mencia was that without Mencia I would have an agent or anything I for him for seven years I so funny I just met him Reese ralphie's memorial oh wow we had through cow head we had talked me and cow was like oh he's might come to the show and I was like oh cool I don't have a problem with him yeah I mean I've never had any beef with him I mean I obviously I know the backstory of him but like I don't I don't I've never experienced that story but my experiences with Ned were of a boss employee and when I was in 1997 when I didn't have a car he goes bro come over to my house I have a present for you he bought me a car I mean that's the kind of relationship I had was it took you home with him to Honduras yeah it took me to Honduras to visit his where his homeland is and his family yeah and I lived in a village for a month so I my ties with him were really deep Wow so when that video came out it was hurtful to me because I feel like I've betrayed a friend but what was that what what I said was that true yes yeah so now I'm caught in thing oh dude so there's I mean you're explaining me and a Jamie oh yeah that's me and Jay yes so then he goes come on through a video and I was like I have to so that's why when you see it I'm like you know with pensive and whatnot but when that came out if you read the comments when they came out a song uh it was brutal yeah I know it yeah came out [ __ ] like you're done in comedy you rat you piece of [ __ ] I mean it went I mean not just five or ten I'm talking thousands there's a weird thing but in between having a loyalty for somebody and then having a loyalty to yourself like like what I like my words what I say is true versus like a live for this person right and it died [ __ ] me up bad with j bx i was like i was like i wanted i was i was taught I was I'm by the way up I was taught to protect him like I was made sure like working for somebody when you're their employee and that's it's very clear what that is yeah there's no like for all use that don't understand like there are guys like like and I'll say Joe is like Ari was always his friend and and worked with him tom was his friend and worked with him Joe who's his friend worked with him if you work with Joe Tony have you worked with Joe you work with Joe yeah you got to eat like I will say this I very candidly Jay made it very clear to me one time that I worked for him that I was in his employee mm-hmm and then then there becomes this like weird [ __ ] loyalty where you're like I don't want to [ __ ] up the boss his job that's my job like it's not like it's my buddies because it's all so we weren't buddies we were also show business is intertwined in it so you're dealing with now dreams are in the fabric of the relationship what's good for the company's cook from me yes and so and and then you you do get lost in that the one I gotta tell you only give us what you're saying I don't want to know what it was no really clearly about it I don't I have no problem sharing everything okay so when I watched your video with the Carlos thing I then I identify with you because Jay was telling a story that happened to me you know about this right now Tracy Morgan story no it's a great story tell me yes I'm not gonna tell you the story but you could tell a story that happened to me and he was saying it as if it happened to himself and so I I found out about this he told her on Opie and Anthony he told it for the first time on Opie and Anthony was the first time I heard him say this happened to me it killed me it really killed me by the way I don't mean anything negative about Jay I'm just telling you stuff that happened Jays come very far away in his life from this moment I'm talking about right now and I'm a very far away away from this I'm not slandering Jay I hope I hope you don't see that so I'm just telling you to throw at two guys who were friends and worked with each other yeah just like you and Carla yes so it's just sharing and so well the first time I heard it broke my heart that's it didn't it didn't I wasn't angry I wasn't mad I didn't feel betrayed it broke my heart I was like oh why would he do that that way yeah and then and then and then it it got bigger it got much bigger and it's kind of spiraled out and then I talked about it on Rogen's podcast very candidly like we're talking right now yeah well you don't realize people are listening yeah I talked about Rogen's podcast and the same thing that happened to you with Carlos happened to me but directly with Jay of like don't like why would you do that like it was really like bizarre [ __ ] reality yeah and I think Jay would admit this there was a bizarre reality where like he was panicky he was losing his mind I was I was doing what you did we just were like I'm being honest yeah I don't know another way to be right now I've been honest and you I can't say anything more of Jays intent after that he stopped being friends Wow and but at the same time that boss-employee friendship is just unhealthy yeah it's almost the reason I never brought anyone on the road with me cuz I was like I don't want that [ __ ] yeah won't you never feel like I'm your paycheck I've had managers say to me hey man my kids got to eat you gotta don't don't do that and I'm like what and I fire him immediately I can't have that like I want whatever I do on stage to be what I do on stage but man when that stuff of me and Jay happened I looked back to that video you shot and the comments they like I'm being dead serious probably an I hope this doesn't sound bad took years it took literally years I really like how you smoked a cigarette I can't believe it alright I remember that when you brought it up like 20 minutes ago it brought me back to it like it just like it rattled me in the [ __ ] car because I'm I knew by the way I apologize to both Jane Carlos for this episode I don't mean any hate on either of them yes a grown man I realized that my words may affect the way people go and see their ticket sales I don't want that for them I I hope that you just enjoy laughter and you go and if that's your thing enjoy their [ __ ] Bobby but but I remember I remember watching you visibly shake with a cigarette and going like he doesn't mean this he's this is this is that Stockholm Syndrome yeah this is a hostage sand the treat me good mom remember that's so vivid yeah and I was I was I'll just say in a in a form of representation I was asked to do what you did yeah and I chose against it because of your video not because of not anything other than I was like I don't I know Bobby doesn't want to do this I [ __ ] remember that so vividly but I would have never done it if they weren't at my doorstep they were the six guys bigger Hispanic guys visibly kind of aggressively angry like they felt betrayal because I'm like it's very Shakespearean I stabbed you know my master behind the back oh by the way let's let's let's let's let's ballpark this from the other side yeah understandable to an extent because yeah I remember I got an etheric right after the JME [ __ ] went down I biggest mistake I ever did was telling Joey Diaz I was in therapy and he was like dog [ __ ] that [ __ ] you meet me every morning for 8:00 a.m. a coffee and me and Joey had to 8:00 a.m. coffee for a month long one month every day and he go talk say everything you need to [ __ ] say and I would dump on him dump on him and then Joe come back and be like here's the problem [ __ ] but but but I I I know that feeling I know that [ __ ] yeah feeling of like going did i betray my master yes did I was being real I was being honest and I was being real and how far away from Who I am have I gotten that I can no longer be honest and I have to be and I have to make sure what I say is brand friendly yeah by the way I felt that on networks I felt that on tribal channel where I was like oh I can't I can't dude for the for seven years I'd never smoked weed on Rogan with the camera on me I would go and turn it and hit weed when the cameras off me and then I passed the [ __ ] weed weed coming out yeah and I remember Rogan going you need to get rid of that [ __ ] that [ __ ] on your shoulder cuz that's not who you are yeah and I was like I was like well pays bills pays bills you know it's yeah Wow we learned a lot today we did by the way this i won i also comics will listen to yeah and we just touched we didn't know I don't think we did you know I I'm 100% I don't think we did I think we're good yeah I think number one we're good and you know I because I've been a lot of heat for saying [ __ ] on [ __ ] you know I mean she we have to edit half of these things I don't I don't censor you in any way I just make sure that you still have a network oh we're good for that I'll never get a network job yeah you will but I could beat any Asians in a footrace today but I you know it's it's Bert I just want to say this is that you know before you know I'll be honest with you before you know I did your cook show we didn't really talk a lot we didn't have really a relationship and I've always wanted to I always whenever I saw your work or I saw your around on what you know that's the kind of guy that I think that I could be friends with and I'm just really glad that you came over I really got to know you more you're a good guy and I just think that you're a heavyweight and I think that there's gonna be a lot coming from you and you're you're you I'm being real sure you're one of those guys and I'm serious about being your swimmer on the triathlon she lead with she's amazing if we leave with anything swimmer runner biker I was on the Philippine National Team a also swam Division one I'm in I ran a marathon with no training I don't know how to run a bike but you know who I talk to about this was Nick Youssef because we had talked about doing the nautical and consol cycles he the the the reason here's what can I tell you this is how I base my whole career right now yeah is have fun live your life if you're gonna document it on social media do it and let people enjoy just your asinine this of being a comic do that yeah so look I did the weight loss challenge with Tommy I did the sober October I ran the marathon what we have to do all things comedy videoed makes a series out of the three of us training for a triathlon Wow swimmer Runner biker I have a heart condition so it makes it more dramatic this is good oh yeah dude this will be this will be huge it's a it's it's just like real sports right we get bill bird to commentate it and it and we watch us train all they got to do is like sit with us for an hour and they watch this I'm so competitive look at the sweating on my hands I'm right my god yeah cuz I'm thinking I'm like yeah I'm gonna train tomorrow I'm ready oh I'm ready I'm totally ready are you ready hey yes the distance is real quick I think this swim is only a mile and a half I can do what's it run what's the wrong key okay I think okay I can smoke that you did 20 without training yeah I should smoke you do 10 K under now easy easy the way we end our podcast we do with something called on a helpful advice so we have an email somebody has a problem it can be positive negative or whatever you want to say okay and then so go ahead I'm helpful advice with Bobby kalila and Bert Kreischer all right tiger belly I'm a recent discoverer of your podcast and have over the past three months caught up in almost half your episodes I love your podcast and it brought me to tears of laughter many times I'm a white male I grew up in Sweden and move to US when I was 20 years old in Europe we'd use words like n-word fly all over the place and it's not as controversial or personal over here wouldn't be an n-word yeah I don't know and IG and then he put a something symbol and in a oh that's not even a hard are just soft day yeah okay I'm a huge fan has totally acceptable where they're not and I would throw it all over the place until I move until I moved here in the States yeah people especially black people told me it was not cool I'm a man of respect and I stopped using it though at the time I had friends from Texas used both using both [ __ ] and [ __ ] and I thought it was okay because I found those words funny but I later realized it was not cool yeah and luckily I got beat up for it now fast forward seven years fast forward like he's gotta like I'm missing a broken uh for it seven years going through the current political climate and discuss okay we are also seeing consequences we prefer to use the n-word and in streamers whose audience in teenagers lose millions of fans is just overnight I married a Filipino husband four years ago and there's a woman woman I guess or it is a gay Swede yeah we're all good hang yeah yeah I married my Filipino husband four years ago and during dinner I said hello my [ __ ] I was I want to marry her yeah sure I'm gonna do I was thinking about your pot I was thinking about your podcast yeah he stared at me and said don't say that that's not okay and you'll get beat up I said sorry why what's so bad googly goo [ __ ] he laughed and then said it's racist and very disrespectful towards me and especially Vietnamese people that's why Americans called them that's what Americans called him during the Vietnam War then we got into this whole conversation about that so my question to you guys is what what is your concept context of this when is it okay to say should it not be said and it's alright now stop it stop it only for Asians to snake it for right now right let's just white people just don't see those things for right now the climate might change wait five months yeah wait a year maybe in five years it'll it'll settle down but I'll tell you I'll tell you my perspective as a white person yeah that's why I don't say I don't say any of those words I said I said [ __ ] tonight but I don't say it like I said all because we were like it's comics talking yeah and it's up it's a podcast a little bit like we're [ __ ] around but I don't say I'm only reason I told my daughter's about this it gets comfortable in your mouth so then one night you say it at a bar and it slides out and you don't realize you said it and look if it makes someone feel like [ __ ] don't make anyone feel like [ __ ] that's it I don't look I don't care about your struggle I don't care about your parents struggle I just don't want you to feel like [ __ ] like I don't like that's in the moment I don't I don't want anyone to feel like [ __ ] Wow but but but I do love this person to tab it yeah how beautiful would it be to view that with them their first day in America when they don't realize this is racist yeah look at all these way like my family just arrived from the Philippines last week yeah and it's they don't use the n-word but how in their way of saying a black person they used the term Negro which sounds like Negro which sent which could be you know yeah but that's they're not saying it other than like oh that's a black person that's how you say it in my language and they were you know obviously it's a culture shock coming from a small town in the Philippines here it's like so diverse so they were like oh and she was saying it like complimentary we were at the Clipper game she was saying DeAndre Jordan was really handsome but the word Negro just and oh my god like I just like I have I have Asian friends who have nicknames for black people yeah i won't i won't i won't out anyone yeah I guess I already did kind of they have nicknames for black people so when they say them they say the nickname and I don't like the nickname because I feel like people catch on to it where is it is it are they Vietnamese do they say meeting no oh sedum sedum Siam's look at it yeah that but III said I think that's one of the things that's like that's when you know progress is happening is when you don't want to hear the nickname the the not even racist nickname with the word for the people like him when I was growing up Hornet are they called black people Canadians and so they'd be like so a lot of Canadian says I know hockey match going on here oh when you turn the corner you're like Amen don't let can you not say that because I don't I don't see that the way you see that yeah but can you not yeah but uh anyway sweeter sky yeah sweetest guys good luck good luck don't think anything like that we you know we order do it but just do it when you're singing we only we usually our podcast is only an hour long and we did a long hour I'm a rom-com yeah yeah but I but I I knew this was gonna happen like I do I have such a connection with you when I first met you yes I I knew that you you disconnect when you meet people the way I do yeah and then I'm gonna say this so and I and I don't give a [ __ ] what you say right now this is the real is is that from now on this is different what no what I'm saying is when I see you it's not gonna be oh there's bird I have to be nice to him because he's the [ __ ] no I'm with all things comedy or whatever yeah now it's like bird he is my friend no no I yeah I feel like I've I felt like that when I came here tonight and then after we did the cookies yeah that's it was the beginning of the foundation you were so [ __ ] fun it was fun and we'll you know thanks for having me on but um I just wanted to say that you want anything to promote or anything uh no all right I want or check out my podcast burr cast I'm on tour burp Roberto is the [ __ ] guys and um we're just very lucky to have them and that was a great podcast so give him a round of applause everybody thank you so much you we'll be right back with some housekeeping and we are back that is a nice man I love Bert my teammate he I know you got yeah I want to make that happen if my teammate you guys can get like uh officially like tiger belly like you know like fighter jackets now like no he's gonna be all things comedy and then like I'm specifically Tiger belly he can be birth cast like we're under the same umbrella so we can have you know how like some sponsors are bigger on our shirts and some are smaller and then you can also have what harvest coconut harvest coconut but then I also have them to contact like speedo and just be like look I'm legit can you sponsor me again I've been out of the water for 15 years but can you I have a heart condition a heart condition I might die wearing your logo oh I was bold I I am I cannot I cannot promise that whole like oh I'll finish in the top 25 that's me thinking that I'm still in the same body that I was in at 21 you'll be fine these are not professionals some will be right oh no are you kidding me those guys trained not only do they train in the pool they train open water every day I don't I go randomly dive here and there but you will I will and I'm gonna do it but I'm just saying that that whole promise of being in top 25 was just me talking out of my ass because my I'm 33 my bones are not 21 years old what kalila is trying to say is she's gonna finish top 15 that's exactly what I'm saying actually in fact if I don't I feel like I should receive some type I feel like you should hold me accountable it's kind of irishman yeah I punish me okay hold on one second we gotta get the details of this whole triathlon thing down eventually right yeah yeah I'm gonna talk okay good because I want I you know I want there to be a whole like video of Bobby training and learning how to it he thinks he's probably gonna ride a mountain bike and that's not like finding like which bike is appropriate for him how to change your tire and you have to learn how to change your tire by the way I have one brand friend who never learned how to ride a bicycle he knows that it was perhaps you're trying to say that all girls don't know how to ride bicycles is that your logic I was just it was a question it wasn't a saying it was a question I'm pretty sure Koreans generally know how to ride bikes right that's the only person I've ever met I've been going out of my circle well anything else go oh yeah and if I don't say something sorry sorry George you first you first if you haven't yet please but I want to say something no please leave us a review on iTunes guys I'll let you read the name of that one love I'm sorry she can't read boy I was gonna let you read the name on the top oh oh this one is submitted by [ __ ] tastic white love this podcast I love Bobby since I was 4 and he basically taught me English hope I could see him when he comes back to Houston now that I'm night 18 I'm anybody else want to read any other of the reviews guys I I wouldn't leave a review for a chance - happy birthday - I want to say happy someone wrote us and they said their best friend is a big fan of the podcast and and I want to do a on their behalf say happy birthday - joke joke I think that's how they say it it's not Chuck Chuck it's Jo job it's a happy birthday joke joke happy birthday from Tiger belly George Wilson you Snickers contact them anyone anyone has a birthday just contact George blue mom you better have a name jump jump on Instagram or else no stickers are coming here okay I think it's joke right hold on and we have while you're doing that we have another iTunes comment review a review sorry another five-star on iTunes five-star review we don't read them if they're four stars or below so we don't get any of those so no worries okay George Jesus we only get 5 stars this one is entitled love and this is by boy 1 3 3 3 3 these guys feel like family super cool podcasts I loved Bobby Lee on MADtv and it's awesome hearing him about his daily grind nowadays lol Gilbert cracks me up with his voices kalilas Thailand stories are awesome I Highland stories I think he's confusing with Bobby oh he probably thought you were the hooker in Thailand that Bobby mad Oh also why are we Tooting our own horn right now cuz pink dick is an awesome dude for continued to grow and happen it feels so uncomfortable like oh hey guys actually signing her name for her at least - who there was one sign Justine I drill oh I read this one as your name isn't necessarily you doodles my boyfriend introduced me to his pause cat podcast a while back and I'm in love they are real smart and funny keeps my long hours of work short listened and re listens to this podcast to the point where I dreamed about hanging out with deaf never gets old love y'all keep up the good work hashtag this podcast is lit your fellow good Hmong listener Justina was this review helpful yes it was ok that says Jupe Jupe read from Angela Chen right that that is correct then a great friend you have Jupe Jupe your friend wrote us and and on your behalf I mean I hope your name's Jupe Jupe into real life that would be amazing that would be do I feel like the only a Filipino would name their kid duped oh yeah like a love Queen no but double anything double you know yeah that's our show guys thank you for listening leave a lot of star review to part of the show bye [Music]

Channel: TigerBelly

Views: 1,315,511

Rating: 4.8086605 out of 5

Keywords: tiger belly, tigerbelly, bobby lee, khalyla, gilbert galon, podcast, khalyla kuhn, tgrbly, all things comedy, bert kreischer, bertcast, the machine, something's burning, Bertcast # 279 - Joey Diaz & ME, florida, asians, sunglasses, hari kondabolu, boy choi, kimchi, triathlon, marathon, mencia, sober october, jay mohr, unhelpful advice, stand up, comedy, comedy store, two bears one cave, ymh, tom segura, bert the machine kreischer, funny, joe rogan experience, chef, atc

Id: hbXyyclcYfo

Length: 103min 32sec (6212 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 12 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/BlackJackBob]

Uh oh Hotdog !

[u/Foepe]

Nosotros pappaya to you to my friend !

[u/Jamie_Pull_That_Up]

I love his girl even more

[u/TimelyFennel]

Love Bobby Lee but not enough to tolerate Bert. I will skip this episode.

[u/toopoorforsf]

dude pulls out a 5 gallon carboy of vodka.....how is he still alive

[u/DavidCasino]

Michael Greyeyes looks great there!

[u/lelgimps]

Criminally underrated.