Chris D'Elia Loves a Silly Goose Time | TigerBelly 175

right one guy's the future is here whoa you don't need to make a time machine what to go into the future to get your wallet okay the time machine went and came back and we have the technology here in the present day it's called rich wallet I'm being real guys this is the only wall that I use everyone knows that I give it away like hotcakes you know it's I mean you know they sell like hotcakes is what I meant to say and you know we gave it away to our guests they loved it and it literally is it's a pocket wallet guys it's slim it's slick offered in carbon fiber titanium aluminum with RFID protection lifetime guarantee guys 500,000 sold this is the only wallet that the schlep King crew uses it's dope tell the bottom man guys go to Ridgeway calm and use the promo code belly for 10% off your sleek front carry wallet be the future with Ridge wallet get it we starting already know I'm gonna tell you the rules we're recording though no we're not recording yet okay yeah yeah it's just something that I feel adamant about and we're not record here I don't know all right it's something that I feel adamant about and just don't say anything until I bring your name up yeah I have to do some introductions so until I see ya I said does everyone since hey when I say Chris D'Elia they made me talk no no come in yeah if you don't want to start now we don't have to start now I just I don't I didn't call in for tonight so I don't have a spot you have a spots right yeah your dogs bark like this no they're like more gay yeah they're more gay though you know that's true okay yeah so I want so I won't talk yeah yeah you Smee yeah yeah that's good and we're just gonna have fun right no [ __ ] agenda here no you have an agenda well you know in our podcast even if you don't like what said we edit it all right so we're yeah we are right we you know we when we want to make our guests feel like they're safe that's cool so that's why I set up those rules right I thought it was life I forgot it's not live yeah we edit this is not coming out until also after January 1st why am I even here yeah because we're back logging okay have to go to it's okay because I have something coming on Netflix on January 1st so it'll be out already and I'll just be like it's out guys yeah you have your special coming up yeah yeah yeah okay cool all right you may begin five four three two me walking down the street being so good to me yeah yeah holding hands peeing together like friendships we're doing it real me walking down the street being so good to me yeah yeah feeling good with the butterflies in the skies and me happy on the trail with my friends feeling good feeling good feeling good feeling good together feeling good feeling welcome to another episode of of tiger belly TB TB Tiger belly I am your captain not a messiah but a prophet for sure one of the I have a kingdom the Tiger belly Kingdom there are many kingdoms in the podcast world you have steel Vaughn as a kingdom and sometimes we grace his stages and he comes to our kingdom and he comes into the castle and we we talk and we rant and we have good times fat Eric Griffin has sometimes has a kingdom he's black and fat and doing his thing with the glasses you know I mean living like a [ __ ] mutant warrior the way he is you know me with his black titties and then we also got um we also got um Segura and his wife Cristina punka inch they come they come riot we sometimes go to their Kingdom but there's another Kingdom a mysterious island out there it's at the island of it's an Italian island Dahlia where they tall and they're a [ __ ] strong force but I don't want to get into that yet I want to reintroduce everyone in the room we've got George Kimmel you know when I sing that song I think of you oh thank you we got Gilbert Kalani on yep I love it you have forehead for years thank you have to come you know your forehead dude is like the Sahara Desert I want to walk on it forever and thank you so much you're welcome we got uncle I like you my beautiful sidekick my partner in life my woman and my friend and my life partner I forgot his name Jason Jason well Jason you know thin lips legs thanks legs for days legs because lips are just like razor thin the way it's supposed to be the way God made it I finally got to see venom what's the whole plot of the film I'd seen at the citta until I did you do I got to see venom yep who's in it Tom Hardy all right all right Oh we'll get it all right fine okay fine do it I'm gonna do it all right so um I'm gonna just read you some tweets no I mean no no I already write a message between you and me I mean the messages okay so I say this is what daliyah Chris D'Elia said okay I'm close but this [ __ ] dumbass traffic [ __ ] this area I go relax don't worry don't tell me to relax I'll flip he says I said calm down and this is what this [ __ ] guy says and when a spread of fruit out for me when I arrived pretzels etc and I said okay here [ __ ] which one I give him the address okay here I said George is coming down he goes I'm [ __ ] waiting yeah and the reason why he acts like that is because he is a king of his own Island that daliyah Island and Matt D'Elia bill D'Elia they all live there and they have a kingdom and they're very powerful and he has a Netflix special out right now on Netflix Yeah right yeah what my show on Netflix yeah yeah what's it called called non-stop Ron stop to believe it right let me know that it's all right all right you understand these closures I'm like you sing my favorite [ __ ] song right away I want to sing too and you're [ __ ] on I'm waiting he says don't talk and you're [ __ ] it yes my good introduce come on do not try to teach you things all right right to be patient all right all right because you were so impatient during the text you're right so you got to be more patient okay we have a friend of mine he's a king I'm Sir Christopher D'Elia everybody give him her on a ride thank you welcome welcome King sir do you know what the [ __ ] when you started singing I was like I wanted to sing so bad no I was like I I thought you were [ __ ] with it you're like what Chris is gonna come in yeah they tell him not to talk until I introduce himself introduce him which is what he did and then he's like watch I guarantee he chimes in with the song did this song and that's you know that's my favorite I wanna [ __ ] I wanted I want to hate but I like that song like you can either stand there's so many [ __ ] people in this and there's still too many people in this little you have a guy in the closet last time yeah Jason it's always different it's always a different guy yeah yeah you just pick up rant random dudes and no way cept if some people are busy you know and you like I learned his lesson yeah [ __ ] mine the clown I asked you a question I'm Sir Chris D'Elia all right why are your bags and your eyes do not sleep good last night I know no you know what it's the [ __ ] lighting probably but also the bags on my [ __ ] Prada dude it is Prada Gucci Lou yeah man I got a new check up rise yeah yeah I got bags but I talked good I'm grizzled man I got the [ __ ] [ __ ] coming out I got pepper so I'm pepper coming in yeah yeah yeah dude what do you want from me I know you're [ __ ] tall drink of water and I got back soon right yeah but can I say something it's up you're handsome thank you that's a good thing yeah I think you're artistic okay thank you very creative thank you right and you are who you are thank you and that's a compliment those are three really good calm it was a very good compliment and can I say this right now okay um drop the attitude you know what dude yeah yeah I'm being real right yeah I know you are I know could I just see this so all right okay I love you thank you let me see what know what you're like [ __ ] Stalin bro people can just talk I know you could just say you know what I say when I already be real go ahead how many times he's already told me not to talk twice I'm a [ __ ] guest on his got their podcast I know but why say as much as you want okay is is that um I honestly when I see you I I realize the foundation that we built our friendship is rock-solid yeah and you haven't changed even from the beginning you're the same you and I appreciate that you you know people have this you know your star you are now a comedy star and that's real that is real but the thing is is that you haven't drifted away from who you are and you're a good dude with a good foundation and I'm so glad to know you and I love you so [ __ ] much because I want to say this is that um we asked a couple of people to do this up episode right and you came through for me [ __ ] you yeah because you're I know you're a Facebook guys right now but not yeah you do you do all right their bags I got I like the little white in your face you know that's good but I Love You Man and so thank give them run off dude I really appreciate this three is your okay you know what remember when we were at the W Hotel and we shot that [ __ ] Gotham comedy live whatever the yeah yeah and we and we were singing these kinds of songs yeah in the lobby of the W Hotel and yeah laughing crying laughing crying dude and that weekend was a great weekend because I got to host a comedy show where you were on it it's so funny because now you would never do that job well I mean that's a show for like that was like one of my first things right you know and you killed it so hard it was fun it was fun it was fun I wore a [ __ ] shirt with the same pattern a shirt with a pattern on it and it had the same pattern tie oh yeah and then we're gonna watch a movie that week and we're going to move in and you just didn't watch the movie with me yeah well you you could probably do weird [ __ ] on the road dude what do you think like you probably like I heard that you don't hang out with your [ __ ] openers right no what the [ __ ] sleeps all day I sleep all day but you okay you don't hang with them at night though no yeah that's [ __ ] weird why why bring them then I'll tell you why I'll tell you why you break them you always do I bring them scream dude I know because you ream scream scream all the [ __ ] time no matter where you are you scream because I'm right here this room is [ __ ] smallish [ __ ] alright I can hear it as well I tell you why why because um why do you have a vacuum oh wow yeah there's a they have a [ __ ] vacuum cameras I'm sorry I'm some pot some podcasts are doing as well as some other ones you know what my very well enough money to have a regular 17 ways one of the sun's gonna be hearing in the we just had another one and then the babies are gonna be here I forgot even what I was gonna say to you what was I saying oh why why I don't have my openers is because just I don't number one it's not it's not a French you bring Michael oh yeah yeah yeah it's a friendship yeah I don't bring openers as a friendship Oh care of my employees okay right yeah so whenever you don't really you don't mix it up I don't make no when I'm in a green room right if I want to say to my employee mm-hmm get me a diet coke yeah and they go get me a diet coke right right as a friend you can't do that oh I do it I know you do it okay I know you do it but like um I do it so that it's more of like there are you know on the payroll yeah and I don't really like hanging out with you if you were on the road with me yeah now I would have to may I'd be like come on Bobby where the [ __ ] are you let's go come on let's hang out yeah but where do you worry what do you do all weekend we go to a Starbucks we hang the [ __ ] out we do what we're doing right now we laugh dude I know you're just gonna hang around in some [ __ ] like baggy shorts and his [ __ ] in his in his hotel room and it's gonna you know like I don't know why it's the end I wanna be like I wanted this to be so casual you know always casual casual I know I know but the thing is you're you're infuriating eye-openers we go rock climbing yeah Wow so now you make her do it yeah do you like it okay I love sandy I love all the guys yeah you bring good guy yeah dude you probably don't do press on Friday mornings do you know right so that's that's what I'm saying is that you're at a point in your career where you when you fly in you know the shows are sold out right most of the Papa Papa show believe it or not Papa show aim really yeah so what popeye has to do is get up at 6:00 in the morning on a Friday morning and do good morning morning news Florida ABC news this yeah you know Jack and Mike's radio show in Atlanta or whatever and I have to do five or six things that's the work I know I come back to my hotel room it's noon yeah and I haven't slept because I flew in that night right and I had to sleep all day oh yeah right so I can't hang out you know what if I was your opener I'd [ __ ] come in your hotel room and sleep with you I'd be like we're hanging the [ __ ] out we've been asleep we're gonna sleep together okay well can I say this if you were my open or you get fungi then oh because you don't even know what's going on with my body right now you know what I I guarantee I don't know you don't I'm gonna tell you what's going okay right I have fungi on my dick okay hey men is that real yeah okay why are you telling me now and also why are you saying it on your podcast because it's real okay it does a lot of things are real Yeah right and we don't say oh did she okay so what the [ __ ] since you brought it up is going on yeah and you already talked about on the podcast why was playing no not really where's the house plane not really yeah I was playing ping-pong okay you know I'm gonna dig a long is what the [ __ ] am i Encino man I was playing ping-pong okay and um I wasn't wearing underwear because um I just wasn't because you're Bobby Lee yeah yeah and I had raw denim that I don't wash oh you're Bobby Lee yeah yeah yeah and I was like you know I I stretch you know when I'm playing ping what I stretch yeah yeah and my raw denim scraped against between my back and my thigh and it made a scar yep so he got in saved and it got a little infection yep and then I put antibiotic cream on it uh-huh and it turned into fungi absolutely yeah one time I was in luck yeah I was in Las Vegas and I had my buddy with me [ __ ] so long ago and he was like damn I didn't bring enough underwear and he [ __ ] was Jesus and we were walking around because you know underwear dude my dude it wasn't bad at first but I take so many steps around a casino is bright red oh [ __ ] I just remembered that never laughing so [ __ ] hard you know I do yeah hold on he's funny but he's not a comedian he's just a regular guy so I don't want oh it was Eric Griffin I'd be like it was [ __ ] I regret I can guess who it is no you don't even know you don't even know I can't play the game then play the game no I don't know I like that I like that you flipped it on me well I'm angry that you did it but you did it and it's all good do it yeah you can't hate you guys hate the game let me ask you this game take lay again I don't like that but you know these don't donuts cuz I got you something okay are these cookies so show us our message you are with my shake yeah yeah yeah these are fancy another great do you on at midnight oh they do yeah I did you that midnight yeah I did a couple of at Midnight's yeah I know Hardwick yeah he's a nice guy right the nicest yeah he's very nice and then he went through some weird things but I don't you know even deal with that kind of stuff yeah sure yeah oh yeah are you it's so funny because well do you feel like you have to careful out no judge as a comedian you feel like paranoid because you know what onstage now you you you're more conscious about what to say because people get in trouble as a comedian and I do you deal with that or you say hear about them is it not much Patel is that his name no you write it from SNL oh yeah yeah yeah him he did a joke onstage at a college and he was talking about yeah he was talking about the joke was basically you know being gay is not a choice because some black guys were gay so why would you pick being black and gay and more importantly a joke right right right so apparently it didn't do well with the college kids and they yanked him onstage they literally went on and cut his mic and they were like we're going a different direction how hilarious is that like already in the middle of the act like we're going in a different direction and so you know I mean so now a [ __ ] joke yeah I know and that and so I mean now that being said do you feel paranoid because when I'm on the road I literally now and I think to myself don't do it like for instance I do this thing it's not even a joke but sometimes you know oh I don't want to say it because I'll get but I'll do things on stage that looks like you know ambiguously weird it's I've always done it yeah and are you getting you paranoid or no you just cuz I I think that a lot of it and not all of it but I think a lot of it has to do with the way you say it but that it doesn't matter like there can still be somebody who's not a fan of yours at your show that is just kind of like mad about what you're saying so it doesn't totally matter with how you say it but it does matter but yeah I mean you god it's you got a like you got to just do it and hope that you get see the thing is is that a lot of times we're working on jokes yeah right so it's not it's not even we know it's not funny yet yeah we still have to do it right get it there so you're getting mad prematurely at us just doing our job trying to figure out a joke Ron maybe it is offensive now but we're trying to work it out and sometimes when you're trying a new job you just in your head you go just throw this in right like it's a good yeah yeah and then when you throw it out it's not it doesn't work yeah it's a little weird but it could be even offensive yeah and you think yourself oh I threw it out there but then now you can get in deep trouble but yeah I mean you can yeah and it's weird too because like this [ __ ] with like James Gunn getting fired off oh my it was so long ago but I mean does it or what yeah so so so they already they they have to have people that vet that that [ __ ] yeah before they hire a guy yeah so they already knew that he did that so they're not firing him because he did it they're firing him because of the outrage which is not them not okay it's not okay no it's not it's all recreation yeah I mean there's people's jobs who it is I guess to define that [ __ ] I don't know they dig deep yeah I know I did a commercial a couple years ago where the ad agency came up to me and they go did you say this you told me this yeah and I go yeah well no I denied it yeah I know I'd say yeah yeah I acted like I acted like I didn't say it yeah so I go what no just like that like that yeah I didn't do nothing right yeah and then they're like we know you did but cuz we heard it yeah yeah we weren't we read it's you so we already knew that you said that yeah right so I feel like some of these companies they already do that before you know and then but the thing is is that if you know that about somebody and you're a company and then years later there's outrage I don't know if you have the right or you know I don't know the whole I mean the look people change and you you know that's part of that's part of what that's that's a great thing you know they evolve they become what they're gonna become they grow up they grow and now you know I think that that's what we have to allow people to do that otherwise if you're holding I mean if you're holding you know look if somebody says something when there are eight you don't hold them to it you say if she says something when they're when they're 25 you hold them to it that could one day be the case yeah I just happen you said you said I do poopy you said I do poopy are you yeah Kevin hard thing yeah yeah the whole Kevin Hart thing it's like you know where's the line i I don't know where the line is I don't know where the line is not even one with the heisman quarterback just now the winner he's 21 but they went back to tweet when he was 14 no no way yeah 14 about what and he said something about a high school gay joke on Twitter yeah then now that he wins the Heisman it comes out it's insane all right your kid no I'm gonna say this though it's like if you're doing stuff off the stage uh-huh you know like you're accused of do it some like louis c.k right that's one thing the way different yeah that's way different well we're what I'm talking about is a joke or a point of view and especially like what Chris said when you're like trying something out right you could get in trouble for something that that you're trying to create something and I think we're getting into a point where it's you know I know this is we generally don't talk about stuff like this on Tiger Bella we're very goof we was singsong the only way till crystally is here yeah it is weird though because I'm one of the silliest and you're one of yeah we're very silly to even be talking about it's ridiculous I know but still though I think it is my level it out and I'm gonna [ __ ] my pants after this so funny because when I'm on stage and Chris you know people don't let but I fight going to gibberish and Chris's in the wrong yeah yeah you can only hear him laugh yeah so I'll do be on stage I know Chris is in the room and he'll just cackle they really make it I'll just keep going and doing that and the audience starts laughing because Chris you know Chris is in the audio and they know this is ridiculous but that is where I live also in stand-up we're just for fun and we're goofy what if you did that there was an alien there and he was like that's not okay but yeah I mean it's like um I'm glad that we're goofy in that way you know yeah but there a lot of comics or social comment anyway you know we you know it's just something to talk about yeah I wonder who's gonna get picked to host the Oscars now did they ask somebody yet or no did someone I don't know yeah I don't know I think I my opinion is is that you two should host it oh my god imagine there was no answer late why in the folk model we would go to rehearsal yeah the producers being the audience and they've got caught I know you guys were rehearsing we're gonna get somebody new yeah but there's no way oh they kept doing with it's not only that though it's I would be like but it's also this oh is that public Chris will be able to do it and I'm not downgrading you know where I'm at in my career but I think most people will be like why him daliyah yeah he's you know delete it no listen is the campaign let's start it it's not just that it's just that you have to know where you're at you know and I'm not downplaying my game what maybe if you did some press beforehand you might be able to do that you know I don't think being fifth lead on a Alice it calm yeah yeah but also I was thinking about this and it doesn't really it doesn't help your career hosting the Oscars no it doesn't it really doesn't I mean if you're Kevin Hart you're Kevin Hart he's big anyway it doesn't matter if the rock does it who [ __ ] cares he's big as [ __ ] yeah those people or or people like doing it because they already like Billy Crystal more you know but like if you were I mean like like what's-her-name from Princess Diaries did it right yeah and then like what it got weird is weird because he got he was he got like a lot of flack for that and she did as well yeah a boner were like yeah you know and then and then it felt like they felt like they weren't well I don't about James Franco but it felt like she wasn't as big of a star after that yeah I don't know maybe more unlikable after that for sure like heard I was supposed to go to the Asian Excellence Awards uh-huh and we didn't go because we want to hurt yourself because I was sick his tailbone don't just suddenly had flu symptoms yeah I fell on my tailbone when we're looking at a house and we didn't show up to the Asian that's one some words but in many ways okay not showing up is cool not doing RSV if you put it in RSVP and you don't show up that's not cool I know that's not cool and I apologize for that but I also there is a there is a part of me that when I get invited in things and I don't show up I think that all that also I feel like that that's it's okay mmm-hmm that doesn't necessarily hurt me no because in my mind I'm like the reason why I wanted to go is because Steven you and Jimmy O yang everyone's gonna be there because it's an Asian thing right and I think a part of me is like yeah I'm not doing that why because I in my head I'm thinking if I should go because maybe I'll get a movie yeah but then when I go I don't get a movie like I hosted that thing twice and nothing happen oh you did yeah nothing happened like I in fact it gave me no work he lost work I lost work because I did that because when I used to host that thing and all the executives and everyone was there and I was funny and then it was years of no auditions at all yeah you're a big like that's why that happened because I did that and then and now that's why it's like this you you're that you're like that could not have anybody knew what you'll be like I [ __ ] I shook the guy's hand wrong yeah and I didn't get the action movie yeah that's you yeah but I yeah but I do do things that I regret like you know I I did an audition for this african-american black you either one is five I can block like a black director I killed it in the audition years ago and then he goes stick around and talk and so I and I was sat next to him and then um we were talking and then he said what's tell me about your career this and that and I for some reason we were laughing and I poked him in the belly I go fatty like that is that appropriate yeah so we were like you know he says we I don't forgot what we were laughing about we're like and I was in the moment yeah like that and I poked him really hard in the stomach and then one and he just okay thank you oh my god and I walked out of the audition and in my head I was like but here's the thing and this is one of the reasons why I do that a lot I know but this is why and I've said this before I think I said it on this podcast last time I was here one of my favorite things about you yeah is that you are the same way to everybody that is a very very cool thing that most people are not and that means that you have a solid idea of who you are and you're gonna be you no matter what because if you met Barack Obama you'd be like you would you would you'd be like what the [ __ ] is wrong with this guy but he'd like you yeah it only works though if you know who I am like if you like you like it because you know who I am but imagine yeah never and be knowing me yeah and then be acting like that but then people call me I've had people call me he's eccentric yeah but it's still a good thing I think you're doing things yeah because you're a good guy you're not an [ __ ] if you're an [ __ ] right different do that make you mad like not texting you back yeah but that's a quirk that's just better about it since you were on here last No maybe a little bit yeah yeah maybe a little bit I mean you do call me out on that you know in public yup in front of other people yeah cuz I don't want them to feel bad that you're not texting them back rah would be like listen he does it to me too and I'm honest I don't know I like when you do that yeah well okay change it don't know okay why I won't change it because the thing is is that when you tell other people yeah like I have like you know people that are below not below but in career scum scum watch or the worm right yeah about doing my belly room show yeah but I just don't text back and then you'll come in and go yeah yeah yeah yeah right so annoying it's [ __ ] it's annoying yeah and Barack Obama be like why don't you texted me back yeah yeah but you know what um I've been trying to get better about it like there's really no trying you just you just [ __ ] text back you just see the message and you go Buddha Li boop boop send that's it there's no trying okay I'm gonna give you I'm going okay I'm going to look at my insta might and I'm like my texts okay I don't tell you people who like I'll give you an example all right Eric Griffin okay he goes 630 all things let me know hey [ __ ] face Wednesday 6:30 and they wait 24 hours right and I just put K okay now when you got the tax yeah when did you get that because he would when did you get the tax is what I'm asking and that's all I'm asking 24 hours in advance you got the text hey man when did you receive the text and then see it yesterday and you saw it yesterday yes and then you think what oh I see what you're saying yeah why yeah what he's gonna think when you see it right this is the first because it you know how they do three in a row I'm getting mad all right yeah he goes Wednesday 6 3 all things all things means all things come I know so he's just exclamation mark part when I read that at first I got nah because he's being he's being too aggressive Wow right so I go I'm not gonna respond to that Wow right and then the second wow let me know are you his girlfriend goes let me know okay I don't like it really because you just did a podcast last week hey [ __ ] Wednesday 6:30 there you go now if he's getting angry that's good so thank okay yeah okay so you want a guy to be very angry at you but not aggressive yeah yeah I just want it to be a certain way you know a man interesting like [ __ ] world huh yeah the who like today mm-hm 8:45 a.m. hmm are you around yeah yeah Matt Blake okay my age Jesus crying okay you got a [ __ ] right because 20 text messages in there how many have you replied to okay my agent my agent nothing nothing nothing nothing why I have a gift for you often this guy what time is your spot tonight nothing no nothing he's your [ __ ] I know because he's a nice guy I love him he's my brother but do you know why I do that uh-huh because um if it was serious about business yeah I know you're looking at your watch no no I know you're very busy baby all right but the reason why is if it's business it'll go through Matt yeah B okay so Abby we'll go you have an audition or they want to see you on tape or something something something right when he text is it's gonna be like him venting oh yeah Oh Gabriel Iglesias I know what happened so and so whatever what happened right made up you don't have I know yeah he doesn't have a thing I'm just giving an example Jesus Christ or like when he was here up Bill Cosby mm-hmm do you know that uh who's that yeah anyway yeah but Bill Cosby during the thing I the ripen yeah when I say the thing is the ripen yeah right he was just like I don't know what to do this is [ __ ] inside you know me and there's a friend I love you if you don't if you don't respond them cuz you don't want to be there for a friend that's what it is is this it right now I don't feel great and I should I'm gonna take them back to tomorrow text them now all right so what it was like Chris Texas oh yeah no no I don't trust them no I wouldn't yeah because you know what you don't know me that cuz I would be a good guy about this no because I've left my phone in the main room true and you've I have a rule you've but I have a rule but now I have a code I never just do the code and I have a rule about it right so you used to do Instagram and Twitter and like all that all yeah yeah you know why what I guess I'm a role so are you around I'll tell you the rule here's the here's the [ __ ] man I like to laugh I like to have a silly goose time I'm down for a silly goose time and that's it dude what's a silly goose time like a silly goose time silly goose like we're silly goose oh yeah yeah jeez yeah yeah you don't get it cuz you're from [ __ ] North Korea yeah but you are you Andrew Santino right now what do you [ __ ] mean dude because he provokes me ethnically as well well don't provoke me ethnically so what do I say about my are you around he did this today at 8:45 in the morning yeah oh dude no say yeah I was around I put in yeah Ian's around you know how I do it yeah yeah what you got a misspelled [ __ ] oh yeah yeah so tell me what tell me what to say okay you say yeah sorry sorry SOR ry yeah sorry yeah sorry let's misspell something I'm around I am around and then put now and then put a B at the end of now a Rob okay around now I'm around and they put a beat you have the back yeah now but because here's the thing if you text back and there's a spelling mistake it's a [ __ ] subtle way of saying this is my house all right right right I didn't check could I add something yeah what yeah I'm around I'll just put a zero here just think and that kind of do that so look yeah sorry I'm around B and then the Z let me see it I'll show you now busy there you go and then can I put as some sort of like so yes all right I'm around Z yeah like you're on the treadmill yeah the treadmill sorry yeah yeah it's better when you when it seems like you're just kind of like you're like oh I put it B in there half [ __ ] cent that I didn't check it you know I mean yeah you're on the move can I also say something about us about what but my rule is but my rule this is my bad chill we're going back to the [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah if I'm down for a so the good time and that's it okay now if you leave your phone out unattended with no code on it yeah and you look the other way and I got a spot to have a [ __ ] silly goose time but there's a [ __ ] moment in time where I could take this [ __ ] time from a regular time and [ __ ] raise it up to a silly goose time I'm gonna grab your phone and tweet out some [ __ ] yeah do you know why why cuz that's your ass [ __ ] left the phone up right you left the phone out now if I know the code and your phone is locked yeah I won't do it because you lock your phone like a [ __ ] human is supposed to do it I'm gonna tell you my code I don't want to know the car I want to tell you what anyway it's two two two two two two two okay well I'll tell you this what if you leave it live would it leave it life still won't unlock it leave it unlocked I'll still [ __ ] ask you know first let me ask you a question okay what all right you think Wendy's is hanging out yeah and they're having a goofy time yeah they're having a silly in time I don't know good that's like some [ __ ] 90s comedy it's a good one huh that's a good one dude listen to my podcast if you're listening to this after this go to [ __ ] my podcast listen to my podcast could I say something right now don't don't don't don't look down out of my pocket I'm not looking down on your pocket a little army going I think your podcast is great going on right now all right sometimes I watch the clips on YouTube I get it right and my guys might not be as many as your guys maybe it is my guys are okay dude and if I said that and that's not only that we have little birds out there and my little birds do have [ __ ] powers we tweet tweet we have artists they're artists yeah they're [ __ ] hackers okay and they get internet alright so don't check to get it and don't challenge when did I do that because I don't like your tone right now dude it's that I was gonna plug yours we're always jörgen friends here I know we are but gonna see this - alright how many times have I done yours I have never had a guest even know how his podcast works I want to review yours I realize clips of yours I watched clips of yours hmm I I'm a good guy I watched [ __ ] clips of yours he watches close yeah I make my next podcast thank you on you I won't be on it huh but you're gonna open with listen to Taco Bell II okay and I will because I'm a good friend you will yep and I will listen to that one whatever the next one is if there was a whole [ __ ] thing I know don't listen to the whole thing right okay I'm gonna say something else to you and now I'm gonna look in your eyes okay not that there is one but if there was ever a war between you and Theo von yeah if there was a real war sure you you have my assurance yeah this is a slap Kingdom mm-hmm my people the papayas we'll pack EMI like you're the king of the north that's very cool you're the king of the north and my clan am i my people are on your team thank you [ __ ] the Rat King alas I love you as a person Yeah right I love him as a Rat King the guy who gets his dick cut off in the week yeah that's true right yeah I think you're Jon Snow right that's Yeah right and he's the one that like he's like I don't know what to do right my sister was captured and then you give him blood man up go get her your sister do what you have to do right yeah you're that guy oh yeah yeah why who are you I'm uh a little finger you're a guy looking but you watch Game of Thrones right I saw three seasons oh you did yup guess what I do after that I go I'm good I don't [ __ ] do it how everyone does it I will not do it how everyone does it you're gonna make me keep watching this [ __ ] show with all the families and [ __ ] and everyone's killing each other and they're all friends but they're not really friends and everyone dresses in brown oh yeah I'm done dragons where are the Dragons do okay were the Dragons when do the dragons comment sea horse start Dahlia with the dragon oh no when somebody [ __ ] building when somebody's like you got to watch your show oh don't worry get into it dude if I'm eating a [ __ ] burger and and I eat a few bites and they're like dude by the 10th bite you're rocking with that burger you know what kind of guy you are spike Pam it's either delicious or it's not that's it well you're making love you nut first then no because you know what I do friend what I build to the nut right I like I like to build up I have a feeling you don't build to the nut oh I have a feeling that you a you have it on your unwise about the situation thank you so much because I didn't know what I was gonna say there and I used unwise and kind of say this law on top of that to this is that I know you first of all that's your wallet yeah dude can I see it what do you you know what I [ __ ] [ __ ] it no I just want to look ok that's your wallet yep give up give them I got to put it on the table cuz if I sit on it I'll get scoliosis my [ __ ] not stupid I know yeah if I put it in the front people are like we're we're sponsored by this company yeah dude I I just so much [ __ ] yeah I seen that should I do gave me one you're gonna give me one no I was gonna give you one but not gonna give you one but moves away but I'll take that one are you gonna get away no I'll keep it yeah I get it yeah as long as he doesn't say anything in Cremona okay alright hey Matt good man what's up well tell him I'm doing my podcast with Chris D'Elia right now what's that Matt wait what you guys I'll see you later bye bye it's awesome yeah cuz he doesn't want to be yeah he does want to incriminate himself no but no I'll be on that no agents want to be any kind of artist at all right and I want to say something about my agent because I never talked about him and I know people don't give a [ __ ] I don't care you know you know when I was um 28 I met him 27 years old and he was just a mailroom guy at Girish and he used to hang out the comedy store and he always he looked at me one day I was a just an open mic er because when I'm an agent one day I'm gonna wrap you and we're gonna work together and I didn't believe him and he's my agent now and he just called me and he's a friend and that's why when I did not listen listen this story's over it's a it's not over because I'm gonna say something else [ __ ] tells us to hey [ __ ] you wet lips yeah like I know your lips are so wet it's gone wet I know I got pink water don't know what is like that creature you know wet lips is dry lips my lips I'm never having that they're so wet it's gonna be [ __ ] crazy by the time I'm yeah he's got no lips he's got no lips I mean he's gotta stop talking about that bad it's not that man you don't like if somebody's moving their hands if somebody's missing their hands yeah don't talk about hands I talk about hands if somebody has no hands I talk about hands do you shake it how about when somebody's got like a hand that's not a full hand and they don't warn you and they shake your hand I know that I like not [ __ ] yourself end up in and you're shaking a finger how much would like the Mentalist or like Darren brown just know though like I saw it in his eyes he was scared you know what I mean yeah that's [ __ ] man when someone when you shake someone's hand and you feel your body jump out of your body but you're like wait a minute I think I kept it together right hey man dude I'm gonna shake your hand but my hands all [ __ ] up or give him your left yeah or I will shake your hand but I don't have one right what would you say well I have a friend that has that mmm and my thing was to always just do it harder and feel all the bow nice yeah I just like call it out without words yeah yeah yeah yeah I get what kind of yeah they're like I got get it do it I get what you get what kind of guy you're like a real man like they know then that he's a real man oh you know I make me feel shake it yes no no all right so why is it the shocker yeah and I don't realize it oh nice to meet you yeah that's how you do it yeah Oh for [ __ ] sake are you doing yeah but you squeeze it and just there's no wink but it you give that yeah they all have the wing wink you don't have to wait y'all are the feeling yep wow that's an interesting way of doing is break the awkwardness yeah you know I you know we should really take a moment yeah Chris I'm in already and I don't know what you're gonna say I love taking moments we should take a moment and just um appreciate that we all have our body parts mm-hmm you know mm-hmm when you're peeing mm we should appreciate it mm-hmm yeah cuz we have penises you know you're just walking around we you know we have our health oh you know yeah we didn't we we get in the just listen mm-hmm we get into this stuff like our careers okay you know me and Mimi where's ours right there are a lot of times you just have to look around and you know you have your fingers mm-hmm your feet to walk on right you know you have your little animals running around right you have [ __ ] okay this is you just would keep going if I was like okay just keep going how about that you don't have a trash can in your bathroom though you don't have a trash can in that bathroom that's very funny this one yeah no she went to the hallway where did George gums putting the AC on you sweating are you sweating yeah you have three layers on bro we're always sweaters I gotta take it I'm sweating like I'm good I'm good you are I love being hot I love being hot well because it's 90 [ __ ] degrees in here up here II layers on so what you got coming up Bobby don't do that man so what you got on your plate no don't do that my mom I just um I think one of my dreams is and I and maybe one day we can make this happen but with you me Theo Tom Segura you're Bryan Callen a lot of us pop yeah we all can act Yeah right yeah I think we should all band together and create some sort of movie oh yeah I think that we could get the funding we write a really funny script that goes off when somebody gets too boring sorry I turned it off so go ahead because it's on notifications yeah is that where we're at what no I turn it off so we're not I know but is that where we're at right now what that talk I you know I express you know you're getting mad you're getting upset with me but you have to remember the app was on I don't you should not be honest with you that's not an app that's just a sound thing that you have and you pressed it do you think I looked it up on YouTube alarm sound no okay look at your phone now No why because I have a code on it and you your deference this time and I'm not gonna let you do that why do I have a little time yeah yeah yeah so what I'm saying is that why can't we do that we can do that and I do would you do it yeah what would specifically what would you do listen to what our [ __ ] said I didn't know is I think that we have I think that I think that you me Kalyn yes Brandon yeah Theo a bunch of us wear items to grow or we all have you know our little arms and like that it's great it's great we should write a script oh I see what you're saying do it like a comedy I see what you're saying right a movie I'll be fun yes Ella I think that it would do well I do - I've had that Jia Jia's in there everyone I know had the same thought but the thing is this is on the table because if I sit on it I'll be uneven and it's and I'll get scoliosis if because of this if this wasn't thick enough I'd put it under there no problem and I wouldn't get scoliosis right right so if I write a script with you guys then we all split the money right and then this ends up going in my back pocket right and I don't get scoliosis or I can leave it on here but can I say this okay right you've already been to the top like you're on the mountaintop right yeah come down and bring some of your friends up there you're on top okay I want to see the top alright alright so I know you get I've seen your dick mmm it's long okay it's juicy it's perfection a woman maybe I kiss the tip all right but I'm not I don't want to really have anything to do with right and that the thing is it that I see I know that you have homes okay and I said that plural plural okay did I not you did you have little doggies all right do I see this right now right and it may be not true it is all right you would send me photos like look at how much look at my dogs yep they cute yeah and they're like running around yeah where are they running on top of money you've sent me those my dogs were cute it was mainly about the dog I know but you know that me your dogs on a pile of money all right you've done that all right I went to jokeboys house right oh and from behind me he had his friend pour money on my head amigo you know what he said well that's just merch and there was thousands of dollars Wow I want to see the mountain top as well Friday all right and so what I'm saying to you this is that can you help can we all help each other yeah cuz I you know what I'll be honest with you I'm gonna sit down yeah I'll be honest with you I love doing stand-up yeah I love doing this podcast but I also love don't you love acting yeah I like it's fun it's fun when you're like you know free one especially with with friends so my friends yeah you know and and during your coverage yeah I could be laughing like you laughs I love it I could put out something that's fun right I'm in and I'll fund it crowdfunded yeah we're to crowdfund it and also the thing is is that I'm not talking about I know because you were in xxx what's that Netflix all right you're all with me undateable you're a great actor and can I say something right now even before you did any acting I did a table ring with you and your that's good acting what about this where the [ __ ] do you get all right oh I think it's really cool noise Oh Chris D'Elia when I got home we can do that look a British love calm you can be in a - yep no lines there way oh no okay absolutely no lines okay but I think that if you're listening to right now my little papayas I think that we can create something outside of this Hollywood system because we're in it you know but it's like you know I show up to split up together and they give me lines I love the show or not you're right but it's like there are times where I want to be with my friend right and have yeah I mean a goose time a goose time you know so I think we can do that and I'm gonna call I'm gonna call the Rat King I'm gonna call segura I'm gonna make that happen okay now you're hot all right let's do it I've been hot did you put the air on you did I feel that now but it's too late it's one of those things where it's just too late yeah yeah I want to say this is that um I just I just like your situation right now thanks man do you feel good I feel great yeah I love my life and I and I think you're in a great situation to all you guys now know mainly about the guy in a closet but I think it's really great man no because I I remember when you were starting and to see you now and you know I feel the same way about Sebastian as well you know and I do it myself I'm kissing ass no no you're reminiscing no you're [ __ ] reminisce you were all my being it might be a player right now no you're not a player dude yeah am I being goose silly goose no it's silly goose might be serious you're being a serious yeah I just I just think that we should you know everyone supposed to stop and just you know if knowledge yeah I do too you know III [ __ ] I love you man I think you do great and you're right you know what you're always gonna be what you're always gonna be okay and you're gonna [ __ ] you'll always be what you'll always have Facebook guys they'll look at a Twilight vampire yeah yeah and you have a very good penis you have some character defects that you need to work on my lips are very juicy you have character defects you have to work on okay I mean this isn't dr. Phil you know and what are we doing we are at 55 Wow let's do eyes now at the end uh-huh this is what we do okay you got to stay for it cuz I know you have a show to do what is it it's called unhelpful advice okay you know you did what do somebody call it you know we have an email all right was going to it got it a helpful advice with Bobby kalila and Chris silly goose time D'Elia I'm in the military I'm married and have a stepchild I lied to everybody in my unit that he's mine and now I'm and now I'm getting out I want to stay friends with some people I grew up on the deployment with and they're my best friends how do I tell them I'm a scumbag do I tell them or do I take it to the [ __ ] grave wait what why because he lied to everyone and said that was his biological child yeah he was embarrassed to say that it's a stepchild oh what's up first why would you be ashamed of that that he's your stepchild because I think is that the email where he says that people are like oh he looks like you and he kind of just goes with the very ends by the way my wife isn't on it and it's hilarious because everyone says my stepson but my stepson and I look alike because we're Mexican mm-hmm so it's really his stepson he tells but he tells people that he it's his real biological and so it's it's a it's a white lie that doesn't really hurt anybody another email no he wants to be remain friends with his EP lifeline to pee but he doesn't want to be lying to them after he gets out I lie every day write serious lies right well that's a serious lot all right so it's like and I free I have winked true right and you are aware that's a white line you are wearing an army shirt exactly and I was in the Navy no really that was in the Navy see you're in the Navy see yeah yeah great great on help Emma Porter Mongoose real an animal yeah Wow you just throw it out there right and see if it's thick some people will believe yeah that's a real word that is just another email so he said he shouldn't say don't say no I think you should but I don't think his friends would think it was anything serious no just be like oh I was just [ __ ] I don't know why I said that it was it started as a joke and I just was [ __ ] around and yes not mine but dude and then if somebody goes like this oh that's not cool be like yo I'm not in your girl and have a kid that way if you don't let's take it to the real daddy how about that the kid is is this is not not work bro that's part of the email no one heard of the email I know but it has nothing to do with it but what colored is he wearing right now yeah no but I want to know if this note works you're gonna have to taste it there's one way and if I taste it and it squirms in my mouth like an email I need something to respond to yes my name is Jim and I'm 21 years old a couple years ago my brother and I were diagnosed with a neurodegenerative illness that has already subscrip has affected our physical abilities in one day we will leave us entirely paralyzed oh man I lost my job not long ago after my diagnosis and has a disability support worker I haven't worked since I'll need a wheelchair soon and I'm told we probably won't live much past 30 I used to sing play guitar drums and piano however I now no longer can do any of that this has contributed to my current depression I like to write fanfiction and want to pursue that further although between my depression all the weed I smoke I find it hard to even get out of bed how do you think I can turn my life around and do something with myself before it's too late thanks tiger belly just papaya Jim 21 will be paralyzed in 30 alright so and what does he mean how do I change this before it's too late like he wants to do you think he wants to make something of his life is trying to get it straight something before he's unable to physically yeah the only thing that I could say is if I was in that situation what I would do is since he does listen to our podcast he probably listens to other ones I would do one hmm that's good that's right I would do a podcast talking about because you now know that you you your what you have a debt 10 years right right so you can talk about you know your feeling about that you know me you can have guests on with other I think would be very like positive because I tell you what you'd feel fulfilled especially if you're a creative guy what you see played the yeah so yeah you'd feel fulfilled when I started my podcast I didn't think I was gonna like it and I really liked it and it feels really good yeah so he should try that especially if he listens to podcasts which he does so yeah and I also think that like it's something that's never been done and I think that other people with you know ailments or it that's true you had the could you know listen to it and feel you know positive and lasting impact yeah have a lasting impact I think that I would do that if that was me mmm-hmm right but I think that's sitting around doing nothing is not good you know there's a I'll get I'm gonna tell you a movie it's a movie called akiro mmm-hmm it's a it's a Kurosawa film and it's about a it was I think the movie would this is you know what are you two laughing like that this side and you to that's that you're gonna get yeah I'm gonna get you back for that revenge from my part okay that was that was you nothing on my side and that was very funny by the way okay Carol that was that that [ __ ] was for that kid man I know thank you kid but listen to what I have to say now and this is the last thing I'm gonna say okay I promise and you can go and live your life alright dude okay Accuro and it's about a guy who's a government worker in Japan in the 1940s it was an old movie it was I think filmed in 1950 okay black-and-white film so you watch it like when you were three or something no I watched it when it came out really funny yeah okay that's very funny oh but I said you know and it's all good but had to get adenosine it's fine but the movies about a guy he has no family or anything really no friends he just about be working at this government position office job and he has no no friends really just shows up to work every day yeah but he gets stomach cancer okay and he doesn't know who to tell because he has no loved ones and he would still go to work but have this pain in the stomach and what he did was as a government worker he opened up a park for children in the movie he gave him something to do work towards he wanted to you know do something for Humanity so he fought hard and at the end of the movie he's swinging on the swing set yeah I think he's whistling or singing and then he dies right right but um yeah do the podcast or I say no arc strangely that was very poignant even though you [ __ ] it up a little by the end but yeah how the [ __ ] said anyway do the podcast yeah yeah but I mean that is just my appreciate the way you'd said it the whole time hey you know what dude thank you for even doing that be appreciative appreciative you for being here thank you I appreciate you having me here and I appreciate you Ignasi [ __ ] me I have a big nose yeah yeah anyway uh what am i thing you want to pluck so you you have a Netflix special another one yeah it's out now and it's a it's one of those things that is out with the comedians of the world it's really [ __ ] cool they dropped like a 40 40 or so yeah specials and mine's on the American one but it's very fun and I'm glad I did it and my podcast called congratulations and I like doing it and it's fun and we're down first leg this time and that's it and um he's in for silly goose time and I want to say that you're probably one of the most intrinsically funny guys I've ever met ha ha ha thank you you've said that before and I really appreciate when you say that because I feel that way about you thank you yeah no thank you very much and say that's all I wanted No what you get and that's what I received and I didn't do it because you wanted it I did it because I think I know but it's in my room and I'm gonna get it parents marinate in my room right okay all right and thank you thank you okay give them a round of applause thank you you'll be back to some housekeeping and we are back with some hello we are back with what house key and we housekeeping and cleaning or Klaus favorite house clipping um George you had a little story you wanted to tell us you said it was gonna be one of the best things ever Smike it's wet now [ __ ] don't hype it up because now he has to live up to the height yeah I was just fine well hypothesis [ __ ] wall so thank you to our sponsor Ridge wallet start with me here right with 10% off your slim sleek front carry wallet I think Bobby calls it a pocket wallet just go to Ridgeway calm and use the code belly Bobby's watching The Voice right now Kennedy yes three weeks ago spoiler guys today is in Kennedy wait you mean um Mackenzie's not in there no drama boys enthusiasts yeah we listened to the voice Bobby and I it's our Monday Tuesday activity Oh date nights are lovers activity it used to be my 600-pound life but now it's yeah boys that's the voice we you know we graduated to being civilized humans thank you guys passionately make out afterwards well know what 600 pounds life not just making out we would do like that's really okay okay okay 600 Paul interesting really quick to the sleepers out there and papayas our New Year's resolution is to be at the top of the iTunes charts so help us out help to slap Kingdom give us a far five-star review on iTunes if you haven't yet and then put your name on there when you leave a comment so can give you a shout out in the cast a review review review yeah or whatever when you comment in your review section yeah do that and if you want to mail us any packages reminder it is that Tiger belly at sixteen to six North Wilcox Avenue unit one sixty one sitting Hollywood nine zero zero to eight and that's called team one we are Voltron you're welcome George II wanted to mention something oh he shout out you said shout out to Angie at Mota dispensary in Silver Lake I was at the UH Colome today and there was a girl stare oh yes there was a girl staring at me and I was like did I product in my hair what's happening then I walked out with my coffee in hand and she was like she was in line in front of me but we stopped at a stop light and she was like looked at me guys like okay like is it true you really have a pink dick oh this is two blocks from by my office space yeah man you responded oh god damn it really this is thank you so much for supporting us that's probably the exact quote of so shout out to Angie thank you for your support we appreciate you thank you for acknowledging George that's cuz you're always be like hey I've never outside so if I had to break it to my hope and talk don't support it no duh don't really don't get these ideas out there I'll tell you out out to our cable guy he came in here and he was a tiger belly fan really what no I went straight for the door well story happened what's his name Bobby said that he was nervous the whole time because he basically came inside a home that he was familiar with you see yeah that's called closed sweat alert sweat alert I didn't know until Bobby came in afterward he was like oh he is a tiger belly fan how's it go thank God I didn't go out there cuz I was looking crusty and I was in like my jumbo fruit of the looms like man pants that wouldn't have been a good representation of my life oh well thank you for as a pig that day giving them a new table you cable the internet he would have been pissed like yeah shout out to Joy Alex J Noakes is here guys if you don't matter what has been his nickname what's the legs one legs for days let's go with legs for days like four days we've missed you Jason yeah right you know [ __ ] miss us I saw your Instagram [ __ ] gallivanting around Mexico I juiced or to say [ __ ] Tiger bell brazil oh excuse me Brazil you bastard and guys make sure you want those extra episodes of team solo over here and some other fun things we do like creating Tiger belly theme songs you can check that out at patreon.com slash tiger belly kalila where can we follow you if you want to follow your life in so your fancy videos you can follow my life at calamity k that's KH a la MIT why why are you giggling [ __ ] spelling it kha la MIT YK what's the right what's the root Latin word calamity K well what what give it up for DJ kalila what you mean what what does it come from yeah have you guys heard of calamity jane wild west hero oh thank you George it's a play on that I like it yeah so it's calamity K thanks George George George I'll be follow Dobie oh I was gonna give mine to Jay now so now you just made me call you an anti dog but let's go with Jane X thanks for helping out and that's a new year so let's give it up for Jay and elx on Instagram let's get him up to a thousand followers right now guys you can follow tiger belly Instagram at Tiger belly on Twitter at the Tiger belly emails any questions your belly a gmail com

Channel: TigerBelly

Views: 1,580,620

Rating: 4.8550787 out of 5

Keywords: tiger belly, tigerbelly, bobby lee, khalyla, gilbert galon, podcast, tgrbly, all things comedy, chris d'elia, congratulations, stand up, comedy, eminem, drunk girl, fighter and the kid, bryan callen, 10 minute podcast, tfatk, me walking down the street, bobby lee walking down the street, congratulations chris delia, chris delia comedy, joe rogan, chris d'elia reacts, h3 podcast, ethan klein, congratulations podcast, funny, h3h3, chris d'elia h3, getting mad, ymh, tpw, atc memes, atc

Id: K2pg_0PEek4

Length: 73min 25sec (4405 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 03 2019

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"I build to the nut." - Slept King, 2019